2009
I had a retarded 2009. Like, seriously retarded. Here are the main events.
January: I picked up some guy at the Escape on New Year's and took him back to Amanda's, and we had like a three-day-long adventure of...I don't know what the fuck that shit was. But anyway, Amanda's guy turned out to be a thief, and mine turned out to be a slut, and I left my new jacket over at the dude's house and he never gave it back. But anyway, my ego was boosted because finally I had fooled around with someone. So I went back to Seattle with more confidence than ever, and I jumped right back into dating. I had my first date with Danny, and I thought he was ugly, and I figured it was just a throw-away date. So I dated other guys in between, and one was this crazy guy named Adam, who I teased to no end. But, he had a boyfriend, which gave me an escape. Then there was some weird Christian guy who was all over me, so I gave him a pity date which he didn't show up for, so I got to drop him. I was excited. Anyway, I had my second and third dates with Danny, and we sort of sealed the deal on the third date, which was excellent. I also got invited to a party at the end of the month and got to hang out with a bunch of Japanese people for the first time. Earlier in the month I went to a rock-climbing class, which was fun.
February: I had another Japanese-people party at Danny's, which was fun. I also got really sick at the beginning of this month. This was also the month that I realized Danny's ex was Jim, and he was crazy. So I got some kind of weird satisfaction out of that. My sister got admitted to rehab for OxyContin, and that Adam guy officially broke up with his boyfriend and tried to get with me, but of course I said hell no. I started doing a lot of stuff with Danny. Then came Valentine's Day, my first one where I was seeing someone. I bought some semi-expensive champagne and we had an excellent night. A week or so after that I lost my virginity. Things seemed to be going swimmingly. I also went to a meeting of the Kaiwa table, which was a lot of fun, but I was really distracted by Danny most of the time.
March: Things with Danny were going great, although I started to notice that he was insulting me and cutting me down in subtle ways. He had been doing this from the beginning, but I just noticed it at this point. He was playing games with me too. I had finals this month, which were quite difficult, because I was taking a history class and all that. I was glad to finally have free time to hang out with Danny without class getting in the way. However, he went away to Bellevue, so I went to Vancouver because I didn't want to sit around waiting for him. I had fun, Amanda dressed me up and put make-up on me, hahaha. We also went to check out the PSU campus and all that. I can't remember what else I did. I also got stoned with Danny for the first time during this month. I freaked out. Anyway, when I got back into town, Danny tried his best to seem like he wasn't excited to see me, and he totally played games with me. I looked past it because I was glad to see him.
April: I stayed at Danny's quite a bit during the beginning of April because his roommate was out of town, and I had a lot of fun. However, the insults kept coming, and it was around this point that he pretty much called me fat. I realized I had one of my old crushes in one of my classes and I didn't tell Danny. I did a lot with Danny, I think we went to the conservatory. He was turning into a bitch. Later in this month two of his friends had a birthday party on the same day, and he was expecting me to go to it, so like a good boyfriend, I went even though I didn't want to. And it was awkward because he wasn't talking to one of his friends, Adam (a different one from the one I met in Portland). So I had to be stuck in the middle of that. I knew absolutely nobody there, and of course Danny didn't try to make me feel comfortable, he never did. So I drank. And so did Danny. But he drank waaaaay more than I did, and I was pretty drunk. So I tried to get him to stop, and he got NASTY. I was already annoyed with him, too. When we were looking for supplies for the party I stopped talking to him because I suddenly realized what a pretentious douche he was and how little respect he had for me. So when he suddenly started acting like a bitch to me and told me to leave, I said "Fine" and I marched out the door, drunk at 2am. I called practically everyone I knew during the walk home because I was afraid. Not to mention the numerous times earlier in that week that he had been drinking and did nasty things to me. This was also the month that I left him drunk and naked on the couch for Brionna to find because he got drunk and acted like a bitch to me. But anyway, he apologized profusely after this incident and said he didn't know what he would do if he lost me, which made me so happy (which I know was retarded, but what can I say). So our relationship got deeper instead of the opposite, which it should've been. At the end of the month, I saw My Bloody Valentine in concert.
May: Danny and I started to have more problems now that his dumb-ass friends got into the picture. He suddenly never had time to spend with me and constantly went off drinking and left me alone because I was under-age. I started to get bitchy with him too because I knew he was just making excuses not to have to see me, and I could feel myself starting to have high expectations and becoming controlling which is not what I wanted. In the realm outside of our relationship, I was becoming extremely lazy. I made no effort with schoolwork, or my social life, I just had everything handed to me. I was fatter too from Danny's cooking. All I did was watch Lost at their apartment and play Restaurant City on Facebook. Not to mention, Danny was still getting ridiculous amounts of texts from his crazy ex which just made me lose respect for myself that I was still putting up with it without saying anything. The big moment where I realized I was wasting my time came around Memorial Day, when I finally got some alone time with Danny, and I was all over him, and he was not responding. I suddenly realized he didn't care, while I was becoming unhealthily obsessed with our relationship. So I got pissed at him and told him how I felt and he did nothing, which was pretty much another sign right there. So I had a long discussion about it with my friends and I went to the San Juan Islands with my dad and had a long discussion with him about it, and he really made it clear that I was being disrespected and used. So as soon as I got back from my vacation with my dad, I broke up with Danny, swift and quick. And then I formed a friendship with Adam, which was motivated by a need to replace Danny in his circle of friends. Danny's friends even said that they still wanted to be my friend, so I was happy. Danny sent me e-mails trying to get me back, but I shot them down and told him I needed time. Chris (the guy I had a crush on) took me out for lunch the day after.
June: I continued hanging out with Adam, because I wanted to replace Danny. I also got invited to a party during Pride weekend at one of Chris's friends' house. I can't really remember what I did most of June. I had finals, which were easy because it was the easiest, laziest quarter of my life. And then I laid around the apartment a lot because I was depressed and bored. I started smoking a lot once again. I got in an argument with Brionna about rent and many other things, and I came to realize what a bitch she is. Then I started dating later in the month. First I dated some asshole named Brendan, and that didn't work out. Then I dated some other guy named Chris who I was not attracted to but who obviously liked me. That certainly didn't fly. So, I pretty much just passed the time by dating. Also, Brian visited later in the month, and during that time, Danny got in touch with me once again, trying in vain to get me back. So we had a huge argument which resulted in him flying off the handle and blaming me for everything that went wrong and claiming that I never loved him and all this shit. Then he told Adam he couldn't be my friend anymore, and because Adam is in love with Danny and is a soft-hearted pussy, he complied. So like that, my social life totally dissolved. However, I wasn't overly concerned, because I started going to Boot Camp class at the IMA, and I figured if he was going to be a pussy, fuck him.
July: I continued dating. I dated this guy named David who I thought was really cute, and who I liked. I visited Vancouver for the 4th of July and discovered that my sister had relapsed after she'd gone through rehab in February, so there was plenty of family drama concerning that. I also hung out with Amanda and her friends and got hella drunk, which was fun. While I was in Vancouver, however, Adam had a change of heart (probably because he started fighting with Danny again because Danny is a selfish bitch) and decided that he didn't care what Danny said and we could be friends after all. I was like "cool." So once again, I had one friend in Seattle. So I continued to try to out-do Danny in his circle of friends and I bitched about him constantly to Adam. All I did was bitch bitch bitch about what an asshole Danny was and how much Danny fucked me over. I couldn't let it go, I was obsessed. But anyway, I continued dating David, and we ended up sealing the deal on the 3rd date, however he was very weird in bed and turned me off like nothing else. However, I was rebounding hard, so I let it happen. I didn't care if he was weird, as long as I got what I needed, which was someone to make me feel sexy or whatever. See, this is the part of my year where everything was just shit. I cared so little about David that I dated another guy at the same time, during the inferno in Seattle in late July.
August: I went apartment-hunting with my mom and found the apartment that I'm living in now. Adam helped me move in. I broke it off with David because I realized I was using him because I had low self-esteem and I had to pull myself out of my rut before I could really get into it with anyone. Despite that, I continued dating other guys. I dated one guy named Haidn and I thought he was cute, but we never saw each other again after the first date. Adam and I started to become cuddle-buddies....which makes me want to vomit now when I think about it. That is how low I had sunk by this point. I visited Vancouver once again in early August for reasons I don't remember, and Adam drove all the way to Seattle to pick me up. Why, I'm not sure, but it made me happy, even if he annoyed the shit out of me during the whole ride. God, his music sucked. Anyway, I was spending almost every day with Adam, like in July, because I was incredibly needy at this point. And after a certain time, I decided that I didn't want to hear another word about Danny, and I didn't want to bitch anymore about Danny, and I did my best to uphold that policy. Then I had my 21st birthday, which very few people came to, and nobody wanted to drink except Brian. So I ended up having an emotional breakdown and crying to Brian who has the sensitivity and understanding of a brick wall. I felt like such shit. I'm not sure what I did the rest of August. I think my Aunt might have visited at some point and bought me some supplies for my new apartment. I also had phone sex with some guy I met on Facebook.
September: This was the month that things started to improve. I started volunteering for Azuma International, which was a study abroad program for Japanese students. Basically, I helped during lectures and field trips and helped them learn English. I met a lot of people through that program and made a lot of friends and got to see and do a lot. I also applied for a job at one of the campus libraries, and I did everything I could to get it. And I got it! I was so happy. I think this was the month I went to the Puyallup Fair with Adam and Joey, and someone else who I'm not remembering right now. Adam's emo-ness was starting to irritate me by this point though, because I was sick of being depressed and complaining about everything, but he wouldn't stop. I also visited Vancouver once again, I'm not sure why. Some time during this month, I had an excellent impromptu date with this guy named Neil, who I took a liking to, but nothing came of it, much like my date with Jim last year. I went canoeing with Ben, one of the guys I met through the volunteering program, and Yuko, Erina, and Miki. Then at the end of the month, fall quarter started. My stereo also broke.
October: I went to Ben's birthday party early in the month, and he ended up having some kind of anger management issues because no one could go bowling with him, so Yuko and Erina stopped talking to him. Ben also tried to get me to give him the access codes for 4th-year Japanese files, but I turned him down because he was a douche. So there was drama there. I went to the first JSA meeting of the year, and I met a lot of Japanese people who wanted to conversation partners, but only Yuichiro and Taisuke actually became my conversation partners. So I started meeting with them regularly and hanging out with them. Adam started a fight with me in the middle of the month because I wasn't spending enough time with him (details of which are already posted on here), and I stopped talking to him because he pissed me off. Other than that, I discovered that David was working at Suzzallo as well, which was awkward. I was basically just stressed during this month. I got to meet a lot people through Kaiwa table as well. My sister went to rehab again during this month.
November: Early in the month, I got sick. And my computer broke, so I had to go to Odegaard if I wanted to use a computer. I pretty much just continued to meet people at Kaiwa table, and I officially gave up on dating, deleting my account on OkCupid. My sister came and we had a drunken weekend of excess, spending over $200 in two days. We went to a gay bar and some guy tried really hard to take me back to his place. Some people from Kaiwa table also had a karaoke night which was pretty fun, however this whole month was extremely stressful for me. I had too many problems in too many areas, but I was actually much happier than I was over the summer.
December: My stress escalated and was especially awful during finals week. However, once it was over I had an amazing time with the new friends I made during the quarter. Had relaxing fun times, drank a bit, and was all-around satisfied, except maybe not in the love or family arena. My family was still having issues when I went back to Vancouver for Christmas. But, oh well. I had an amazing New Year's, and the week leading up to it was pretty good as well.
So I think 2009 definitely had a happy ending. I delved into some nasty areas in the middle of the year, getting attached and being co-dependent with people, leading to emotional disasters. However, I rose up out of it and knocked off some of my bad habits and changed my thinking. I also put in some hard work, the last 3 months have been the most trying three months of my life. No actually, all of last year was trying. But I've almost come full-circle now and I'm happy :) Happy new year everyone.
January: I picked up some guy at the Escape on New Year's and took him back to Amanda's, and we had like a three-day-long adventure of...I don't know what the fuck that shit was. But anyway, Amanda's guy turned out to be a thief, and mine turned out to be a slut, and I left my new jacket over at the dude's house and he never gave it back. But anyway, my ego was boosted because finally I had fooled around with someone. So I went back to Seattle with more confidence than ever, and I jumped right back into dating. I had my first date with Danny, and I thought he was ugly, and I figured it was just a throw-away date. So I dated other guys in between, and one was this crazy guy named Adam, who I teased to no end. But, he had a boyfriend, which gave me an escape. Then there was some weird Christian guy who was all over me, so I gave him a pity date which he didn't show up for, so I got to drop him. I was excited. Anyway, I had my second and third dates with Danny, and we sort of sealed the deal on the third date, which was excellent. I also got invited to a party at the end of the month and got to hang out with a bunch of Japanese people for the first time. Earlier in the month I went to a rock-climbing class, which was fun.
February: I had another Japanese-people party at Danny's, which was fun. I also got really sick at the beginning of this month. This was also the month that I realized Danny's ex was Jim, and he was crazy. So I got some kind of weird satisfaction out of that. My sister got admitted to rehab for OxyContin, and that Adam guy officially broke up with his boyfriend and tried to get with me, but of course I said hell no. I started doing a lot of stuff with Danny. Then came Valentine's Day, my first one where I was seeing someone. I bought some semi-expensive champagne and we had an excellent night. A week or so after that I lost my virginity. Things seemed to be going swimmingly. I also went to a meeting of the Kaiwa table, which was a lot of fun, but I was really distracted by Danny most of the time.
March: Things with Danny were going great, although I started to notice that he was insulting me and cutting me down in subtle ways. He had been doing this from the beginning, but I just noticed it at this point. He was playing games with me too. I had finals this month, which were quite difficult, because I was taking a history class and all that. I was glad to finally have free time to hang out with Danny without class getting in the way. However, he went away to Bellevue, so I went to Vancouver because I didn't want to sit around waiting for him. I had fun, Amanda dressed me up and put make-up on me, hahaha. We also went to check out the PSU campus and all that. I can't remember what else I did. I also got stoned with Danny for the first time during this month. I freaked out. Anyway, when I got back into town, Danny tried his best to seem like he wasn't excited to see me, and he totally played games with me. I looked past it because I was glad to see him.
April: I stayed at Danny's quite a bit during the beginning of April because his roommate was out of town, and I had a lot of fun. However, the insults kept coming, and it was around this point that he pretty much called me fat. I realized I had one of my old crushes in one of my classes and I didn't tell Danny. I did a lot with Danny, I think we went to the conservatory. He was turning into a bitch. Later in this month two of his friends had a birthday party on the same day, and he was expecting me to go to it, so like a good boyfriend, I went even though I didn't want to. And it was awkward because he wasn't talking to one of his friends, Adam (a different one from the one I met in Portland). So I had to be stuck in the middle of that. I knew absolutely nobody there, and of course Danny didn't try to make me feel comfortable, he never did. So I drank. And so did Danny. But he drank waaaaay more than I did, and I was pretty drunk. So I tried to get him to stop, and he got NASTY. I was already annoyed with him, too. When we were looking for supplies for the party I stopped talking to him because I suddenly realized what a pretentious douche he was and how little respect he had for me. So when he suddenly started acting like a bitch to me and told me to leave, I said "Fine" and I marched out the door, drunk at 2am. I called practically everyone I knew during the walk home because I was afraid. Not to mention the numerous times earlier in that week that he had been drinking and did nasty things to me. This was also the month that I left him drunk and naked on the couch for Brionna to find because he got drunk and acted like a bitch to me. But anyway, he apologized profusely after this incident and said he didn't know what he would do if he lost me, which made me so happy (which I know was retarded, but what can I say). So our relationship got deeper instead of the opposite, which it should've been. At the end of the month, I saw My Bloody Valentine in concert.
May: Danny and I started to have more problems now that his dumb-ass friends got into the picture. He suddenly never had time to spend with me and constantly went off drinking and left me alone because I was under-age. I started to get bitchy with him too because I knew he was just making excuses not to have to see me, and I could feel myself starting to have high expectations and becoming controlling which is not what I wanted. In the realm outside of our relationship, I was becoming extremely lazy. I made no effort with schoolwork, or my social life, I just had everything handed to me. I was fatter too from Danny's cooking. All I did was watch Lost at their apartment and play Restaurant City on Facebook. Not to mention, Danny was still getting ridiculous amounts of texts from his crazy ex which just made me lose respect for myself that I was still putting up with it without saying anything. The big moment where I realized I was wasting my time came around Memorial Day, when I finally got some alone time with Danny, and I was all over him, and he was not responding. I suddenly realized he didn't care, while I was becoming unhealthily obsessed with our relationship. So I got pissed at him and told him how I felt and he did nothing, which was pretty much another sign right there. So I had a long discussion about it with my friends and I went to the San Juan Islands with my dad and had a long discussion with him about it, and he really made it clear that I was being disrespected and used. So as soon as I got back from my vacation with my dad, I broke up with Danny, swift and quick. And then I formed a friendship with Adam, which was motivated by a need to replace Danny in his circle of friends. Danny's friends even said that they still wanted to be my friend, so I was happy. Danny sent me e-mails trying to get me back, but I shot them down and told him I needed time. Chris (the guy I had a crush on) took me out for lunch the day after.
June: I continued hanging out with Adam, because I wanted to replace Danny. I also got invited to a party during Pride weekend at one of Chris's friends' house. I can't really remember what I did most of June. I had finals, which were easy because it was the easiest, laziest quarter of my life. And then I laid around the apartment a lot because I was depressed and bored. I started smoking a lot once again. I got in an argument with Brionna about rent and many other things, and I came to realize what a bitch she is. Then I started dating later in the month. First I dated some asshole named Brendan, and that didn't work out. Then I dated some other guy named Chris who I was not attracted to but who obviously liked me. That certainly didn't fly. So, I pretty much just passed the time by dating. Also, Brian visited later in the month, and during that time, Danny got in touch with me once again, trying in vain to get me back. So we had a huge argument which resulted in him flying off the handle and blaming me for everything that went wrong and claiming that I never loved him and all this shit. Then he told Adam he couldn't be my friend anymore, and because Adam is in love with Danny and is a soft-hearted pussy, he complied. So like that, my social life totally dissolved. However, I wasn't overly concerned, because I started going to Boot Camp class at the IMA, and I figured if he was going to be a pussy, fuck him.
July: I continued dating. I dated this guy named David who I thought was really cute, and who I liked. I visited Vancouver for the 4th of July and discovered that my sister had relapsed after she'd gone through rehab in February, so there was plenty of family drama concerning that. I also hung out with Amanda and her friends and got hella drunk, which was fun. While I was in Vancouver, however, Adam had a change of heart (probably because he started fighting with Danny again because Danny is a selfish bitch) and decided that he didn't care what Danny said and we could be friends after all. I was like "cool." So once again, I had one friend in Seattle. So I continued to try to out-do Danny in his circle of friends and I bitched about him constantly to Adam. All I did was bitch bitch bitch about what an asshole Danny was and how much Danny fucked me over. I couldn't let it go, I was obsessed. But anyway, I continued dating David, and we ended up sealing the deal on the 3rd date, however he was very weird in bed and turned me off like nothing else. However, I was rebounding hard, so I let it happen. I didn't care if he was weird, as long as I got what I needed, which was someone to make me feel sexy or whatever. See, this is the part of my year where everything was just shit. I cared so little about David that I dated another guy at the same time, during the inferno in Seattle in late July.
August: I went apartment-hunting with my mom and found the apartment that I'm living in now. Adam helped me move in. I broke it off with David because I realized I was using him because I had low self-esteem and I had to pull myself out of my rut before I could really get into it with anyone. Despite that, I continued dating other guys. I dated one guy named Haidn and I thought he was cute, but we never saw each other again after the first date. Adam and I started to become cuddle-buddies....which makes me want to vomit now when I think about it. That is how low I had sunk by this point. I visited Vancouver once again in early August for reasons I don't remember, and Adam drove all the way to Seattle to pick me up. Why, I'm not sure, but it made me happy, even if he annoyed the shit out of me during the whole ride. God, his music sucked. Anyway, I was spending almost every day with Adam, like in July, because I was incredibly needy at this point. And after a certain time, I decided that I didn't want to hear another word about Danny, and I didn't want to bitch anymore about Danny, and I did my best to uphold that policy. Then I had my 21st birthday, which very few people came to, and nobody wanted to drink except Brian. So I ended up having an emotional breakdown and crying to Brian who has the sensitivity and understanding of a brick wall. I felt like such shit. I'm not sure what I did the rest of August. I think my Aunt might have visited at some point and bought me some supplies for my new apartment. I also had phone sex with some guy I met on Facebook.
September: This was the month that things started to improve. I started volunteering for Azuma International, which was a study abroad program for Japanese students. Basically, I helped during lectures and field trips and helped them learn English. I met a lot of people through that program and made a lot of friends and got to see and do a lot. I also applied for a job at one of the campus libraries, and I did everything I could to get it. And I got it! I was so happy. I think this was the month I went to the Puyallup Fair with Adam and Joey, and someone else who I'm not remembering right now. Adam's emo-ness was starting to irritate me by this point though, because I was sick of being depressed and complaining about everything, but he wouldn't stop. I also visited Vancouver once again, I'm not sure why. Some time during this month, I had an excellent impromptu date with this guy named Neil, who I took a liking to, but nothing came of it, much like my date with Jim last year. I went canoeing with Ben, one of the guys I met through the volunteering program, and Yuko, Erina, and Miki. Then at the end of the month, fall quarter started. My stereo also broke.
October: I went to Ben's birthday party early in the month, and he ended up having some kind of anger management issues because no one could go bowling with him, so Yuko and Erina stopped talking to him. Ben also tried to get me to give him the access codes for 4th-year Japanese files, but I turned him down because he was a douche. So there was drama there. I went to the first JSA meeting of the year, and I met a lot of Japanese people who wanted to conversation partners, but only Yuichiro and Taisuke actually became my conversation partners. So I started meeting with them regularly and hanging out with them. Adam started a fight with me in the middle of the month because I wasn't spending enough time with him (details of which are already posted on here), and I stopped talking to him because he pissed me off. Other than that, I discovered that David was working at Suzzallo as well, which was awkward. I was basically just stressed during this month. I got to meet a lot people through Kaiwa table as well. My sister went to rehab again during this month.
November: Early in the month, I got sick. And my computer broke, so I had to go to Odegaard if I wanted to use a computer. I pretty much just continued to meet people at Kaiwa table, and I officially gave up on dating, deleting my account on OkCupid. My sister came and we had a drunken weekend of excess, spending over $200 in two days. We went to a gay bar and some guy tried really hard to take me back to his place. Some people from Kaiwa table also had a karaoke night which was pretty fun, however this whole month was extremely stressful for me. I had too many problems in too many areas, but I was actually much happier than I was over the summer.
December: My stress escalated and was especially awful during finals week. However, once it was over I had an amazing time with the new friends I made during the quarter. Had relaxing fun times, drank a bit, and was all-around satisfied, except maybe not in the love or family arena. My family was still having issues when I went back to Vancouver for Christmas. But, oh well. I had an amazing New Year's, and the week leading up to it was pretty good as well.
So I think 2009 definitely had a happy ending. I delved into some nasty areas in the middle of the year, getting attached and being co-dependent with people, leading to emotional disasters. However, I rose up out of it and knocked off some of my bad habits and changed my thinking. I also put in some hard work, the last 3 months have been the most trying three months of my life. No actually, all of last year was trying. But I've almost come full-circle now and I'm happy :) Happy new year everyone.