can't forget what constantly reminds you
Pairing: gd/top, gd/kiko (slight)
Rating: r
Summary: ar, switches between the future (about 5 years from now) and the present.
When Jiyong gets in a new relationship, Seunghyun can't help but reflect on theirs.
A/N: Just trying something, 'kay~
1,780 words~
(1) Seunghyun watched silently as Jiyong’s eyes lit up upon seeing her.
Kiko practically ran towards him as he stood there, waiting with arms open wide. And they kissed on contact, her arms naturally wrapping themselves around Jiyong’s neck while his hands trailed slowly down her sides, one lingering a bit lower than the other, defiantly on her hip. And when they pulled away, small sweet smiles transcribed on their faces, it wasn’t really a pull away since neither really let go of the other. Arms interlocked, fingers intertwined, hip to hip. That’s what they were now. And it was appropriate. After all, they were both cute and thin and fashionable and slender and chic, and in such a way that they could get away with wearing sweats to an interview and then be praised for their fresh style sense.
That always escaped Seunghyun. The chicness, not the relationship. He always tried the same fashion maneuvers as Jiyong but could never quite replicate the same approval. And well the relationship itself was a surprise but not something completely out of the blue. Jiyong and Kiko had scandals in the past, and all this was now was a scandal turned real. And of course, the media ate it up, enthralled that they were right all this time. Happy reporters always led to positive publicity, a rule of thumb Hyun Suk had taught them when they were younger, and apparently still practiced to this day.
Seunghyun just figured that after all these years, little details like that wouldn’t bother him anymore. Big Bang was older now; the members were entitled to their own personal lives. But when he found out about Jiyong’s new relationship at the same time as everyone else in the world, he couldn’t help but feel a little hurt. Call it naivety but Seunghyun thought he deserved an earlier notice. He still believed himself to be an exception.
(2) “You know we’re not actually dating hyung, don’t you?”
Jiyong continued, his voice wavering, slightly distracted, as his eyes never once leave the notebook he was so feverishly scribbling on. It was a new song for a new girl group that debuted under YG just a few months ago. There was buzz going around that they were going to be the new 2ne1. They weren’t though; nobody could beat the originals. And right about now, 2ne1 were on their second world tour, tonight it was Amsterdam. The girls were doing amazingly well, admittedly much better than Big Bang who were on a hiatus at the moment. It almost made Seunghyun regret not taking Bom up on her offer and their could-have-been-relationship. Hell, who was he kidding? There was no offer, he just had a crush on her for the longest time. Sometimes even still.
“I know,” Seunghyun responded, slightly annoyed at the younger’s lack of consideration. And then it hit him, a hard small pang in his chest at the familiarity of their conversation; they had spoken almost the same words years ago. Seunghyun quickly shook off the unpleasant feeling and glanced at Jiyong to see if he remembered. He was still writing a small list on the margin of his notebook, English words that rhymed with ‘broken’. Unfazed, Jiyong didn’t seem to remember and if he did, well he didn’t show it.
“Still,” Seunghyun continued, “you should have told me. I deserve to know about those kind of things, at least before the fucking maknae. You know how annoying it was hearing the news from him?” Jiyong didn’t reply but was instead muttering random English words under his breath, his eyes looking off to the side in concentration. Seunghyun used to hate this side of Jiyong, this nothing-else-matters-except-what-I’m-doing narcissism he always had. But by now he got used to it, he got used to a lot of things, but for some reason this Kiko business still bothered him. Maybe it was because he caught them kissing when there weren't any cameras and supposedly nobody else around.
“How about ‘affection’,” Seunghyun offered. And that seemed to break Jiyong out of his reverie, his eyes met Seunghyun’s. “That doesn’t even rhyme with ‘broken’,” he muttered. “Fine, keep your fucking ‘smokin’, ‘spoken’, and ‘token’ and see how far that’ll get you.” Jiyong rolled his eyes but wrote down the word, in large capital letters, and underlined it, twice, just for Seunghyun’s satisfaction. And well it kind of worked.
After a few minutes of stretched silence, Jiyong spoke up again, the multiple gears in his mind apparently still turning as he answered Seunghyun’s already forgotten question. “Kiko and me… there’s nothing romantic between us hyung. It’s all just promotion; Hyun Suk suggested the idea. You know how we’re going to Japan next spring for that tour… and you know how she’s going to be in that Korean drama… It’s all just for show hyung…” His voice trailed and Seunghyun just listened. Jiyong was already on the next page’s margin, making another list, English words that rhymed with ‘lonely’.
(3) “You know we can’t actually date hyung, don’t you?”
Jiyong’s voice was a soft murmur against Seunghyun’s neck. And it wasn’t fair at all. It wasn’t fair that Jiyong could say such a seemingly innocent but hurtful thing while his hand was still caressing Seunghyun’s thigh, his lips now brushing against his collarbone. It wasn’t fair that three weeks ago, when they had sex for the first time, it was the most arousing amazing experience Seunghyun had felt his entire life. It wasn’t fair that a few days ago when they were taking a smoking break on the balcony and Seunghyun had finally plucked the courage to confess ‘I love you’, Jiyong didn’t say anything back. It wasn’t fair that whenever Seunghyun wanted to be furious at the bastard and demanded he go to bed alone, he’d always wake up in the morning with his arm draped around a small sleeping Jiyong, his cute puffy face nuzzled against the crook of his neck.
And this, this was especially not fair.
But then again, wasn’t Jiyong right? Wasn’t Jiyong always right? They weren’t just anybody, they were Big Bang. And there was never ending pressure from Hyun Suk, from the fans, and from each other. The music business was a vicious bitch of a cycle, one that was endless, one that didn’t spit you out until you were thoroughly spent, wasted, old, and useless. Or just deaf. But it’s what they signed up for. And at the end of the day, to be blunt, it was simply also because they were men. That alone was reason enough.
“Yeah…” Seunghyun replied in a hushed whisper, leaning forward to give one last teasing nip at Jiyong’s ear before they had to get up, “…I know.”
(4) Seunghyun’s eyes lit up upon seeing him.
He couldn’t help it, he felt like a fucking teenage boy all over again, except not really. He didn’t like boys when he was a teenager, and he still doesn’t. He just figured that Jiyong is the exception.
And when they kiss for the first time, it doesn't feel the first. It seems all too familiar, as if they've always done it, as if this was nothing more than the extension of their friendship. Because then it wouldn't be so weird. Because it really really isn't.
Jiyong, although being shorter, naturally took the lead; he had more experience out of the two. Jiyong ran his tongue slowly against the other's lips, urging for entrance, which Seunghyun eagerly granted him. They flicked their tongues, and swirled them, and sucked, and did everything under the sun that they could possible do with them.
And then Jiyong decided it would be a good idea to push Seunghyun against a wall while he sucked on his bottom lip, biting lightly at the already swollen flesh. And then Seunghyun decided to be brave too, slipping his hand under Jiyong's shirt, feeling for his nipple, and finding it already stiff and oh-so sensitive. And then Jiyong's breath hitched and then Seunghyun's hips bucked, and then fuck, because they were already half hard.
It was only their first kiss, and well, they were moving fast. Seunghyun figured it was just probably because they were both guys. Jiyong figured it was just probably because of himself.
(5) Sometimes they had days like this.
Days where Jiyong would text Seunghyun out of the blue, saying nothing more than I'm coming over, and Seunghyun would reply ok and wordlessly let him in. And, of course, vice versa. And when they would get together, they'd do nothing more than exchange a nicety or two and then fuck, fuck like horny teenage boys who had just discovered the thrill of the internet and their own hand. They fucked in the living room, the bedroom, the bathroom, but never in the kitchen, that was just too obsence for Jiyong. Sometimes they were stark naked and it was satisfying to hear the slap of skin-on-skin, and other times they would only shed the least amount of articles necessary because the accidentally friction from the rough fabrics of their clothes could feel just as good.
They would fuck, just like they used to, just like when they were younger, and it was just as good, if not better. But it still didn't change the fact that things weren't the same, and weren't ever going to be.
Now they opted for other choices rather than cuddling. Seunghyun often tried to sleep immediately, while Jiyong would sit up in bed and smoke a cigarette or two, fully basking in the lethargic afterglow as much as possible.
It was one of these such times when Seunghyun was having trouble sleeping that he decided to speak up. Jiyong was taking a long drag when Seunghyun turned to him and asked in a hushed voice, "Why do you think we never worked out?" Jiyong exhaled slowly, licked his lips as his mind searched for an answer that wouldn't be too painful. He couldn't find one, so he asked in reply, "Why are you wondering now? What difference would it make?" Seunghyun kept silent so Jiyong continued, "We're still together, we're still friends," but it didn't sound as convincing as he had planned. An almost uncomfortable silence stretched before Seunghyun closed his eyes and finally whispered what he had been wanting to say for years.
"I used to love you...so fucking much," he breathed, his mind already half slipping into sleep.
Jiyong took another long drag, holding it in for as long as he could, and then exhaled. He waited just a moment more, just until he was certain Seunghyun had fallen alseep.
"...I know."
Rating: r
Summary: ar, switches between the future (about 5 years from now) and the present.
When Jiyong gets in a new relationship, Seunghyun can't help but reflect on theirs.
A/N: Just trying something, 'kay~
1,780 words~
(1) Seunghyun watched silently as Jiyong’s eyes lit up upon seeing her.
Kiko practically ran towards him as he stood there, waiting with arms open wide. And they kissed on contact, her arms naturally wrapping themselves around Jiyong’s neck while his hands trailed slowly down her sides, one lingering a bit lower than the other, defiantly on her hip. And when they pulled away, small sweet smiles transcribed on their faces, it wasn’t really a pull away since neither really let go of the other. Arms interlocked, fingers intertwined, hip to hip. That’s what they were now. And it was appropriate. After all, they were both cute and thin and fashionable and slender and chic, and in such a way that they could get away with wearing sweats to an interview and then be praised for their fresh style sense.
That always escaped Seunghyun. The chicness, not the relationship. He always tried the same fashion maneuvers as Jiyong but could never quite replicate the same approval. And well the relationship itself was a surprise but not something completely out of the blue. Jiyong and Kiko had scandals in the past, and all this was now was a scandal turned real. And of course, the media ate it up, enthralled that they were right all this time. Happy reporters always led to positive publicity, a rule of thumb Hyun Suk had taught them when they were younger, and apparently still practiced to this day.
Seunghyun just figured that after all these years, little details like that wouldn’t bother him anymore. Big Bang was older now; the members were entitled to their own personal lives. But when he found out about Jiyong’s new relationship at the same time as everyone else in the world, he couldn’t help but feel a little hurt. Call it naivety but Seunghyun thought he deserved an earlier notice. He still believed himself to be an exception.
(2) “You know we’re not actually dating hyung, don’t you?”
Jiyong continued, his voice wavering, slightly distracted, as his eyes never once leave the notebook he was so feverishly scribbling on. It was a new song for a new girl group that debuted under YG just a few months ago. There was buzz going around that they were going to be the new 2ne1. They weren’t though; nobody could beat the originals. And right about now, 2ne1 were on their second world tour, tonight it was Amsterdam. The girls were doing amazingly well, admittedly much better than Big Bang who were on a hiatus at the moment. It almost made Seunghyun regret not taking Bom up on her offer and their could-have-been-relationship. Hell, who was he kidding? There was no offer, he just had a crush on her for the longest time. Sometimes even still.
“I know,” Seunghyun responded, slightly annoyed at the younger’s lack of consideration. And then it hit him, a hard small pang in his chest at the familiarity of their conversation; they had spoken almost the same words years ago. Seunghyun quickly shook off the unpleasant feeling and glanced at Jiyong to see if he remembered. He was still writing a small list on the margin of his notebook, English words that rhymed with ‘broken’. Unfazed, Jiyong didn’t seem to remember and if he did, well he didn’t show it.
“Still,” Seunghyun continued, “you should have told me. I deserve to know about those kind of things, at least before the fucking maknae. You know how annoying it was hearing the news from him?” Jiyong didn’t reply but was instead muttering random English words under his breath, his eyes looking off to the side in concentration. Seunghyun used to hate this side of Jiyong, this nothing-else-matters-except-what-I’m-doing narcissism he always had. But by now he got used to it, he got used to a lot of things, but for some reason this Kiko business still bothered him. Maybe it was because he caught them kissing when there weren't any cameras and supposedly nobody else around.
“How about ‘affection’,” Seunghyun offered. And that seemed to break Jiyong out of his reverie, his eyes met Seunghyun’s. “That doesn’t even rhyme with ‘broken’,” he muttered. “Fine, keep your fucking ‘smokin’, ‘spoken’, and ‘token’ and see how far that’ll get you.” Jiyong rolled his eyes but wrote down the word, in large capital letters, and underlined it, twice, just for Seunghyun’s satisfaction. And well it kind of worked.
After a few minutes of stretched silence, Jiyong spoke up again, the multiple gears in his mind apparently still turning as he answered Seunghyun’s already forgotten question. “Kiko and me… there’s nothing romantic between us hyung. It’s all just promotion; Hyun Suk suggested the idea. You know how we’re going to Japan next spring for that tour… and you know how she’s going to be in that Korean drama… It’s all just for show hyung…” His voice trailed and Seunghyun just listened. Jiyong was already on the next page’s margin, making another list, English words that rhymed with ‘lonely’.
(3) “You know we can’t actually date hyung, don’t you?”
Jiyong’s voice was a soft murmur against Seunghyun’s neck. And it wasn’t fair at all. It wasn’t fair that Jiyong could say such a seemingly innocent but hurtful thing while his hand was still caressing Seunghyun’s thigh, his lips now brushing against his collarbone. It wasn’t fair that three weeks ago, when they had sex for the first time, it was the most arousing amazing experience Seunghyun had felt his entire life. It wasn’t fair that a few days ago when they were taking a smoking break on the balcony and Seunghyun had finally plucked the courage to confess ‘I love you’, Jiyong didn’t say anything back. It wasn’t fair that whenever Seunghyun wanted to be furious at the bastard and demanded he go to bed alone, he’d always wake up in the morning with his arm draped around a small sleeping Jiyong, his cute puffy face nuzzled against the crook of his neck.
And this, this was especially not fair.
But then again, wasn’t Jiyong right? Wasn’t Jiyong always right? They weren’t just anybody, they were Big Bang. And there was never ending pressure from Hyun Suk, from the fans, and from each other. The music business was a vicious bitch of a cycle, one that was endless, one that didn’t spit you out until you were thoroughly spent, wasted, old, and useless. Or just deaf. But it’s what they signed up for. And at the end of the day, to be blunt, it was simply also because they were men. That alone was reason enough.
“Yeah…” Seunghyun replied in a hushed whisper, leaning forward to give one last teasing nip at Jiyong’s ear before they had to get up, “…I know.”
(4) Seunghyun’s eyes lit up upon seeing him.
He couldn’t help it, he felt like a fucking teenage boy all over again, except not really. He didn’t like boys when he was a teenager, and he still doesn’t. He just figured that Jiyong is the exception.
And when they kiss for the first time, it doesn't feel the first. It seems all too familiar, as if they've always done it, as if this was nothing more than the extension of their friendship. Because then it wouldn't be so weird. Because it really really isn't.
Jiyong, although being shorter, naturally took the lead; he had more experience out of the two. Jiyong ran his tongue slowly against the other's lips, urging for entrance, which Seunghyun eagerly granted him. They flicked their tongues, and swirled them, and sucked, and did everything under the sun that they could possible do with them.
And then Jiyong decided it would be a good idea to push Seunghyun against a wall while he sucked on his bottom lip, biting lightly at the already swollen flesh. And then Seunghyun decided to be brave too, slipping his hand under Jiyong's shirt, feeling for his nipple, and finding it already stiff and oh-so sensitive. And then Jiyong's breath hitched and then Seunghyun's hips bucked, and then fuck, because they were already half hard.
It was only their first kiss, and well, they were moving fast. Seunghyun figured it was just probably because they were both guys. Jiyong figured it was just probably because of himself.
(5) Sometimes they had days like this.
Days where Jiyong would text Seunghyun out of the blue, saying nothing more than I'm coming over, and Seunghyun would reply ok and wordlessly let him in. And, of course, vice versa. And when they would get together, they'd do nothing more than exchange a nicety or two and then fuck, fuck like horny teenage boys who had just discovered the thrill of the internet and their own hand. They fucked in the living room, the bedroom, the bathroom, but never in the kitchen, that was just too obsence for Jiyong. Sometimes they were stark naked and it was satisfying to hear the slap of skin-on-skin, and other times they would only shed the least amount of articles necessary because the accidentally friction from the rough fabrics of their clothes could feel just as good.
They would fuck, just like they used to, just like when they were younger, and it was just as good, if not better. But it still didn't change the fact that things weren't the same, and weren't ever going to be.
Now they opted for other choices rather than cuddling. Seunghyun often tried to sleep immediately, while Jiyong would sit up in bed and smoke a cigarette or two, fully basking in the lethargic afterglow as much as possible.
It was one of these such times when Seunghyun was having trouble sleeping that he decided to speak up. Jiyong was taking a long drag when Seunghyun turned to him and asked in a hushed voice, "Why do you think we never worked out?" Jiyong exhaled slowly, licked his lips as his mind searched for an answer that wouldn't be too painful. He couldn't find one, so he asked in reply, "Why are you wondering now? What difference would it make?" Seunghyun kept silent so Jiyong continued, "We're still together, we're still friends," but it didn't sound as convincing as he had planned. An almost uncomfortable silence stretched before Seunghyun closed his eyes and finally whispered what he had been wanting to say for years.
"I used to love you...so fucking much," he breathed, his mind already half slipping into sleep.
Jiyong took another long drag, holding it in for as long as he could, and then exhaled. He waited just a moment more, just until he was certain Seunghyun had fallen alseep.
"...I know."