Thoughts (Chapter Five)

[healielle]

Title: Thoughts
Author: healielle
Pairing: Onodera Ritsu X Takano Masamune
Theme: 30Kisses#19: red
Disclaimer: Sekai Ichi Hatsukoi belongs to Nakamura Shungiku and her affiliates.
Summary: When Ritsu found those strange pieces of paper, he wasn't sure what he was expecting.



Takano groaned as Ritsu’s full weight fell on top of him. He tried to balance the man next to him, but the man started to mumble words he couldn’t hear under his breath and pinched Takano’s arm, hard.

“Tch.” Takano helped Ritsu to lean against him and made him walk down the last few steps to their apartment. Amusing or not, he would not let Ritsu get drunk during their small Emerald after-work gatherings in the future.

“Takano-san.” The older man turned his head, and flinched as a finger poked him right on the nose. He held himself in check; it wasn’t like him to lose his temper, especially not in public, and especially not towards Ritsu. But there was just so much he could take of pokes, pinches and the random attempt to trip him.

“No.” said Ritsu as he tried to pry himself free from Takano’s grasp.

Takano sighed, “No what?” Maybe he shouldn’t have drunk that much himself. It was slightly irresponsible, on both their parts. He dragged Ritsu and moved towards the elevator, one hand outstretched so he could press the button to bring the elevator down.

“I don’t want to go home.” Said Ritsu, his eyes almost closing. His head lolled slightly down and Takano shook him, “Oy! Get a grip on yourself. We’re almost there.”

Ritsu opened his eyes, “I want to drink more…” He said as his eyes closed again.

Takano was grateful that the elevator door had opened. He inhaled deeply, and picked Ritsu up. He would probably try to kill the man if he found out that Takano had carried him all the way to his room. But right then, Takano could care less.

Ritsu watched Takano curiously as the man furiously searched through his bag. He felt like giggling, but a small part of him felt that that wouldn’t be very manly. So he chose to laugh silently instead.

He stopped and looked as serious as he could when he saw that Takano was looking at him, “Do you even want to go home?” The man asked.

Ritsu gave him a slightly confused smile, hadn’t he already said that he didn’t want to? He yawned. Either way, he was sleepy now. He sighed and hugged himself close before sitting down on the floor. Takano was so funny! Looking through Ritsu’s bag to try and find his keys when Ritsu had already hidden them inside his coat pocket.

Hah! Served that man right for bullying him that morning. He didn’t like having paper wads thrown at his head. Wouldn’t a simple, ‘Onodera!’ have sufficed? Okay, so maybe he was just a little too engrossed in his work, but paper wads? They weren’t in elementary school anymore!

Takano zipped his bag and gave him an exasperated look, “You really don’t want to go home, do you?”

Ritsu smiled and shook his head.

Takano abruptly stood up and went to open the door to his own apartment. Well, if Ritsu didn’t want to go home, then who was he to deprive the man of his company? He was sleepy, and they had work tomorrow. Ritsu would just have to spend the night with him. He waited for the familiar ‘click’ of the key turning, before turning around to look at Ritsu, “Oy! The floor is no place to sleep.”

Takano tried to hold himself in check, but this moment was just too perfect. He slowly leaned towards Ritsu, slowly brought his face close to the sleeping figure. “You stink of alcohol.” He whispered as he kissed him on his forehead.

He looked at the peaceful smile on his face, and smiled softly himself. He placed his fingers on Ritsu’s cheek and traced his hand across his face, his neck and then down to his stomach. His eyes were glazed, should he? Wouldn’t it just be taking advantage of the situation? He closed his eyes, and placed his hand down on the younger man’s stomach.

The intense look in his eyes turned fierce and he smirked. He fisted his hands and slowly opened out his index finger. He held his hand at the steady, and poked Ritsu in the ribs. He smiled internally as the man groaned, revenge was good. First love or not, there were some things that demanded a little payback.

When Onodera Ritsu next opened his eyes, it was dark out.

Someone was peacefully breathing down his neck, and a strong arm lay carelessly over his shoulder. The feeling wasn’t altogether unpleasant, in fact, he quite liked it. Snuggling back into the pillow, he tried to close his eyes. Wait.

He glared as he stared at the scenery outside the window. This room was getting ridiculously familiar to him. He grabbed Takano’s hand and gently moved it away from him, being careful not to wake the man. He moved away from the warm body next to his. He paused for a minute, waiting to see if Takano would wake up. But he just groaned softly before turning the other way.

At least that was one thing over and done with.

He moved from the bed and looked for something to wear - his underwear, his pants, anything at all. Why did this have to happen every time he found himself alone with the man? The fact that it was pleasantly falling into the shape of a routine irritated him even more.

He finally spotted his pants lying a few feet away from the bed. He quickly stood up and moved towards it before groaning and sitting back on his bed, “My stomach hurts.” He flinched. Had he run into something? It felt like a bulldozer had run over his stomach.

For that brief moment, he could have sworn that Takano had stopped making his soft little snores, but things went back to normal so fast, that he wasn’t really sure of that.

Either way, he had to run to the bathroom. He had overdone the drinking a bit.

Ritsu stretched as he entered the living room. He wasn’t feeling sleepy at all, what time was it? His eyes shifted to the clock on the wall opposite from where he was standing. It read Four AM. That was early.

He felt bored. He moved towards the couch and sat down. This was slightly embarrassing for him. He pulled at his toes and stared at the door leading to the bedroom. Should he leave? Did Takano expect him to wait till the morning? Should he just wake the guy up and tell him that he was going to leave? He shook his head, no, no. He didn’t want to wake the man up. He vaguely remembered something about Takano half dragging him back to the building, and he wasn’t ready to face the man anytime soon.

Maybe he could just go back to his own apartment? No, he wouldn’t do that either. Wait. He got that wrong, it wasn’t as if he wouldn’t, it was more like he couldn’t.  Wouldn’t it be rude to leave without saying anything, just like that?

He groaned and placed his face in his hands. Things had been so much easier even a month back. Now he had to think twice before doing anything where Takano was concerned. Not that he always thought carefully… A faint blush made its way to his cheeks when he remembered how he’d followed Takano to the Convenience Store in nothing but an old and color-drained shorts just the last week.

He slapped himself on the head. He needed to think about anything but that, absolutely anything but that! Walking down that street had become extremely embarrassing ever since that day. He abruptly stood up. He looked around the room a few times, trying to find something to do. Finding none, he decided that randomly pacing around the room was fine. At least it would help to get rid of the thoughts floating around his head.

He clutched his stomach again; he’d noticed in the bathroom that a small bruise had started developing there. What had happened really? The bulldozer idea was sounding too imaginative at the moment. Realistically speaking, he’d probably just knocked into something extremely pointy and thankfully, not sharp. Either way, he couldn’t remember anything past the point of him finishing his third bottle. What had he been thinking? There was absolutely nothing to be gained from engaging in a drinking competition with Kisa.

Vibrate. Vibrate.

Ritsu’s eyes moved to the desk in the corner of the room. Right next to the speakers of the computer, there sat a very familiar phone. Who’d be calling Takano this late at night? He briefly pictured Yokozawa. He had been unusually civil to Ritsu for the last few days. But would that really stop him from calling Takano?

He should probably just ignore it either way; this was really none of his business. Those thoughts were what confused him when he found himself standing in front of the desk, staring down at the phone. How had he gotten here so fast?

He blinked and stared at the phone. Whoever had been calling had stopped now. But for some strange reason, he couldn’t make himself look away from the phone. Did he really want to see that picture again? All it did was bring back unnecessary and bitter memories. But still… He shook his head and turned away, either way it was Takano’s phone. Opening it without his permission would be rude. He leaned back against the desk, and rested his head on the chair next to it. He had to think things through now. Was he really falling in love with Takano Masamune? Compared to the way he was feeling the last few days, the feelings his childhood self had almost came off as a small crush.

Eh? What was he thinking? No way! He hadn’t been feeling possessive lately, not at all! He tried to stand up, but his fingers caught on to the drawer on the side of the desk. It had been slightly hanging out for a while now, but now it landed on Ritsu’s foot. He tried his best to stifle the scream that had almost made its way out from his throat. He didn’t want to trouble Takano anymore then he had to. He stared at his foot before kicking the drawer away. It landed next to him. Bits of paper were strewn across the floor. This would not be fun to clean up.

He leaned down and picked up the piece of paper nearest to him. The words across the page automatically made its way to his eyes. Wait… This was a letter? Takano had been sitting in this desk composing letters? For whom?

He paused. The name at the top of the page read ‘Oda Ritsu’. What?

He could feel his hands start trembling as he read through the contents of the page. When had he written these? Was he planning to send them to anyone? Why did he still have them? A million questions ran through his head as he looked at the page.

The contents were strange; they seemed to be something out of a strange dream. Had Takano been dreaming about him? Even then, what did he hope to achieve by writing them in these pages?

“Onodera?” He grabbed the page and stuffed it inside his back pocket and flipped in time to see Takano opening the door to the bedroom, “You were taking so long…”

The man saw the pages strewn across the floor, and his eyes widened visible, “Why…? How?”

Ritsu gave him a small smile, “Haha… I was… I tripped and then… Sorry.” He finished before looking at the floor.

There was an awkward silence in the room, Ritsu could feel Takano’s gaze on him. Was he mad? Ritsu had turned curious after seeing his name on the page. He thought he was justified in that, but a part of him felt as if he had invaded the man’s privacy.

“I’m…” He started, “I guess, I’ll be leaving!” said Ritsu, still avoiding the man’s gaze. He quickly walked past the man into the bedroom and gathered his clothes. He grabbed his bag, slung one jacket over the shoulder and left the apartment.

Ritsu closed the door to his apartment and felt himself sliding back against it until he was sitting down on the floor. That was strange. He was so sure that Takano was going to stop him from leaving, but he hadn’t. Did that mean he was really angry?

He looked outside the window, at the first rays of the day. He would have to apologize to him properly at work.

Meanwhile - he reached towards his back pocket and pulled out the now shriveled pieces of paper - he would find out what the pages contained.

It had taken Takano a lot of effort to stop himself from laughing. He had somehow managed to hold himself back till Ritsu had left, but once he was sure the man was out of ear shot, he had burst out laughing.

This was definitely amusing for him. He had never expected Ritsu to actually find those pages. They contained… certain dreams about the man he had had over the past ten years. At the beginning, they had served to do nothing but torment him. He would sit down and think about his dreams all day - he could never get Ritsu out of his head.

But then, a few years later he had discovered that writing them down helped him to focus more on the day. It was an idea Yokozawa had accidentally given him a long time back.

“And then I’ll burn it!” The girl screamed, tears streaming down her face.

Takano stared at her with a blank expression on his face. He was feeling uncomfortable inside, but it wouldn’t do to further agitate her.

He felt Yokozawa shift in the seat next to his. He looked at him from the corner of his eyes; he looked even more uncomfortable than Takano himself. The man squirmed, and his eyes turned this way and that. Once or twice, he’d even tried to stifle a yawn.

But the girl sitting opposite them paid no such mind to the two of them, she was far too engrossed in her own world, “How could he?” She cried, “I loved him!”

Takano nodded in what he hoped was an empathetic manner.

“Uh…” Yokozawa was shocked. He had no idea how he’d managed to find himself in this situation, “Would burning pictures really help?”

She was staring at him. But at least she had stopped crying. Finally, she sniffed, “Then what should I do?”

Takano could feel Yokozawa turn stiff next to him. He smirked, this would be interesting.

“Tell… him?” Yokozawa finally finished.

“Tell him? I can’t face him… Should I… write to him?” She was frowning now.

Yokozawa nodded. At this point, he would do anything to stop the girl from talking.

“Maybe you’re right.” The girl looked like she was in deep thought. An hour later, Takano and Yokozawa were finally free.

After a week had passed, Takano found himself in the same situation with the girl. Only this time he was blushing as red as a tomato and the girl had a dozen notebooks on her lap.

“So, what do you think?” She asked.

“Ah…” Takano tried to think of a good answer, “As long as it helped you?”

She nodded and soon she was gone. She wanted to look for Yokozawa, she had told him. After all, it was he who had helped her deal with the situation. Takano felt sorry for his friend, but at this point there was little he could do.

That and he had a small idea himself. It wouldn’t hurt to try. Now all he had to do was buy a few small notebooks on his way back home.

Ritsu felt violated.

His hands were shaking, and the pages he held were half torn. What was this supposed to mean? He could feel himself turning a million shades of red. He was angry, embarrassed, happy and confused all at the same time. It was a pretty standard feeling since Takano had entered his life.

He groaned as the papers dropped to the floor. He had to distract himself, he wouldn’t let himself think of those… He shook his head. He was doing it again.

He would kill Takano the next time he met the man. Since when was writing explicit fiction about your co-workers a healthy past time? Explicit. The word rang through his head. He cautiously reached out for the next page. He looked around carefully, to make sure no one was watching him. His apartment was empty, he knew that - but he somehow felt as if the entire world was watching him.

He stared at the first few words on the fifth page. He was going to burn this. He was going to burn all these pages, every last one of them. He would later raid Takano’s house and burn whatever else he could fine there. After he finished reading them of course. The last part however, was a secret - so he quickly chose to forget about that and concentrate on reading.

Takano wondered if it was a good idea to bang on Ritsu’s door. He wasn’t opening it, and his fingers were beginning to hurt from clicking the doorbell so many times.

Also, he could hear Ritsu’s soft snores from the other side of the door.

He finally decided to knock on the door, “Wake up.”

“No.” A sleepy voice answered. Takano pictured the man turning around the floor. Given where he was sleeping, if he decided to move left, “Ugh…” he would hit the wall.

Takano braced himself.

The door opened and angry eyes peered out, “What do you want?”

“You’re going to be late.”

Ritsu peered around, eyeing the brightness carefully. His eyes opened wide, “Why didn’t you wake me up sooner?” He snapped at the taller man.

“Was I supposed to?” Takano looked slightly surprised as the door slammed on his face.

Well, at least they were on talking terms. He was sure Ritsu would never want to talk with him again after he had read his ‘thoughts’. Or maybe he just hadn’t gotten around to reading them yet. Somehow, Takano doubted that.

Ritsu had avoided him all day, and by avoiding he meant staying ten feet away from the man as and when he could. This included pushing Takano into a crowded train and waiting for the next one to take him to work.

He had somehow managed to reach in time despite the handicap, and Takano had no real reason to ask him why he did what he did. Not that Takano didn’t know the answer; he just thought Ritsu was being rather childish. It was he who had invaded Takano’s privacy and left with pages full of his thoughts in the middle of the night. Also, he had failed to realize that Takano had noticed.

However, it was more subtle thoughts that disturbed Ritsu. He couldn’t look at Takano without visualizing the words from those pages, and that unnerved him. So he chose to follow the man and study him in detail. Could he really do all those things? He felt himself blushing.

He had almost run headfirst into the man when he tripped over his own two legs in the station that morning, a mistake that left him feeling like the human equivalent of a wobbly bottle. He was left staring in despair as the train left without him, and he noticed Takano staring at him from the other side of the door. He was going to misunderstand the situation, Ritsu was sure of it. But what he couldn’t explain was why he didn’t want the man to misunderstand. But he would have to think about that later, for now he would have to take a cab.

Ritsu sat at his desk and wondered if subsisting on tea for a whole month was a good idea. His wallet felt strangely deflated and he couldn’t focus on his work. He looked at Takano from the corner of his eyes; the man was engrossed in his work. He wished he could work like that.

Meanwhile, Takano spied on Ritsu from where he sat. Maybe he should have prevented Ritsu from taking those pages, he was slightly irritated that Ritsu was reading them, but he had figured that the man would learn a lesson just by looking through those pages. What he hadn’t counted on was Ritsu avoiding him like he was everything in the universe the man was allergic to. It bothered him. At least he had one thing to be grateful for - Ritsu hadn’t found the things he had written recently. The Oda period gave him imagination, but the ‘Onodera Ritsu’ papers gave him both experience and imagination. They were, needless to say, a lot more disturbing than their predecessors.

He sighed, maybe he should just apologize to the man? He didn’t like not being able to talk to Ritsu.

Ritsu wondered why Takano was making those hand motions. Was he waving at him?

He placed his calculator down on the desk in front of him and gave the man a curious look. ‘What was it?’

Takano was pointing at a piece of paper in his hand. Ritsu narrowed his eyes. He knew what that meant. Why couldn’t that man just talk like a - he felt something hitting his head and reached out to grab the piece of paper before it fell to the floor - person.

‘Meet me outside.’

Ritsu wondered if it was indiscretion Takano was searching for when he threw the paper at him. If that was the case, then a simple mail would have sufficed. He would have preferred that, he was sure. It was better than having three pairs of amused eyes glancing back and forth between him and Takano.

He glared at everyone.

“You’re ignoring me.” Takano got straight to the point. This surprised Ritsu, especially since he was sure he was acting like he always did.

“You wrote those things.” Ritsu replied, a curious look in his eyes.

“I did.” Takano was looking serious.

“Do you want them back?”

Takano blinked. That wasn’t the reaction he was expecting. And from the flustered look on Ritsu’s face, he wasn’t probably expecting himself to say that either.

Takano smirked, “Do you want to give them back?”

Ritsu nodded vigorously, “I’ll drop by tonight and give them back.” And with that he was gone.

Takano stared after him. That was strange.

Ritsu was hungry. He was extremely hungry. All the way home he had been staring at the food displays lining the streets, and as he passed each shop, he felt something inside him die a little. He was almost broke. Hailing a cab that morning had done it for him.

“Are you alright?”

He glared at Takano. He was hungry, and he was irritated. He could do with less concern and more food right now. He nodded at the man before turning back to glare at everyone and everything on the streets.

Takano sighed, “I’m sorry.”

The glare was back again, it was pointed straight at him, “What for?”

“Those pages.”

“Oh.” Ritsu blushed, he had almost forgotten about them, “Those.”

Takano raised an eyebrow, “Are you alright?” If Ritsu wasn’t worrying about those pages, then what was he thinking about?

“Huh? Yeah.” Ritsu’s eyes focused on the boxed lunch displays on the Convenience Store window near their apartments. Takano followed his line of sight.

“Are you… hungry?” He asked cautiously. It had been slightly difficult to ignore Ritsu’s constant glances towards food. The man had tried to be discreet, but his head had developed a habit of snapping towards food whenever it came anywhere within his line of sight. Takano had assumed it was just Ritsu ignoring him, but he wasn’t so sure anymore.

Ritsu nodded and said, “No.”

“Do you want to have dinner at my place?” Takano watched as Ritsu considered his suggestion carefully. Finally, as their walk neared its end and they both found themselves outside their respective doors, Ritsu agreed.

“I’m going to go take a bath.” He said as he entered the room, “I’ll be over in a while.”

Takano stared at the pages littering the doorway as Ritsu entered. He knew those pages, almost too well. Before he could stop himself, a smirk made its way to his face.

Ritsu turned around and slammed the door shut, “I’ll be over soon.” He repeated as the sound of heavy footsteps started to fade.

He must be really hungry if he didn’t feel like being teased right then.

Takano watched as Ritsu wolfed down the food in front of him. He felt bad, really bad. He felt that he should have noticed this before. He pushed his plate towards Ritsu. The younger man stopped to look at the plate and shook his head. He pointed at the food and then to Takano.

“I’m not hungry.” The older man said.

Ritsu shrugged and went back to eating. He wasn’t going to eat Takano’s share, he wasn’t sure he could finish two boxed lunches anyway.

Takano sighed and reached for his chopsticks, “Are you sure?”

Ritsu nodded and placed the now empty plate back on the table. The pages from yesterday were in his side pocket, almost falling out. Takano looked at it and back to Ritsu. He was beginning to feel a little embarrassed.

The younger man saw where he was looking and brought out the pages. He placed them on the table and pushed them towards Takano. He then calmly got up and started walking really fast.

“Onodera!” Takano called out after him.

The figure stopped, still facing the doorway.

“Do you want to stay over tonight?” Takano wondered if that was the right thing to say in that situation, it probably wasn’t. He was sure it wasn’t.

“Okay.”

He blinked. Ritsu wasn’t acting like himself at all.

“Oh.”

When Ritsu woke up, it was dark. A feeling of déjà vu enveloped him. The only difference was that he had fallen asleep on the couch. He lay back where he had slept, and stared at the ceiling. He wanted to know more about those pages. Why would Takano write them? Was there more? Why wasn’t he bothered by it?

He glanced at his wristwatch; it was five in the morning. He stretched, he wasn’t feeling particularly sleepy. He sat up; he had to find something to do. The silence was driving him mad.

When Takano woke up, it was seven in the morning.

He thought he smelt food cooking. He smiled and pushed the blanket away from on top of him. He dragged him self out of his bed and all the way to his kitchen,

Ritsu was standing there in a familiar white apron. The younger man noticed him and turned around, “Takano-san, I think we need to talk."