Hidden Alice (Part Three)
Title: Hidden Alice (Part Three)
Link to Parth Four: (Part Four)
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Part Three
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Life went on as normal, just as he had predicted. Nothing had changed, nothing at all. Except, for once, there was something amiss. He couldn’t say the he didn’t like the change, but if Alice didn’t correct his attitude, he was afraid he might have to remove the anomaly himself.
The White Rabbit stared across the courtroom. Alice stood arrogantly in front of the Queen of Hearts. He was demanding to know what had happened to the previous Alice, and the Queen of Hearts, much as she always did, feigned ignorance of the whole matter.
“If you are Alice, then how could there have been one before you?” she asked
“I came here yesterday.” Alice growled and took a step forward. The Knights surrounding the Queen did the same, but the Queen raised her hand, bidding them to stay calm.
“You have always existed; the form which you take means nothing to me. Alice is Alice. If you are indeed Alice as you claim to be, then there could never have been a previous Alice.”
“You just contradicted yourself.” The Hatter helpfully supplied. He always knew that place, that man. The White Rabbit had yet to find a Hatter who did not place himself next to Alice. He was probably still sour over the fate of his old companion, but they both knew that he was bound by the laws of the land to feign ignorance.
The White Rabbit smiled to himself, he had such loyal companions, and it almost seemed a shame when the time came to discard them. But old toys needed to be thrown away sometimes. It was difficult to fix them when they broke, and he had little choice, at least in his mind.
“I came here yesterday, how the hell am I supposed to have existed all this time?” Alice snarled. He had refused to prostrate before the Queen, as was custom. He had refused to beg her audience; he had refused to wait until he was called. He had just barged in, and no one was surprised. That was because no one was supposed to be surprised. No one was supposed to show that anything was out of the ordinary, those were the Rules and those were what they all abided by.
“Those do not concern me.” The Queen waved him off, “Your presence here means that you are Alice. Have you not come here to fulfill your duties?”
“Duties?” Alice was beginning to look confused.
“To carry on with your role of Alice, to be the one who brings wonder to the world. Should you stop, you will be replaced.”
“That doesn’t even mean anything!” Alice started to walk towards the Queen, “You’re making less sense by the minute. This as all…”
“Nonsense?” The Hatter spoke again, one hand reaching out to grab Alice. There were things even he could not do, and threatening the Queen of Hearts was one of them.
The White Rabbit wondered when the mythology had changed so much. There was once a time when things functioned differently, a world he can hardly remember at this point. There was a ‘real’ Queen of Hearts then, and the ‘original’ Alice. They had not gotten along. But time had passed on and so had they and the replacements all had new ideas. They all brought changes with them, as if one dynasty was replacing another. Every time there was a major replacement, the mythos surrounding his world shifted ever so slightly. He felt delighted during those times. It was as if a part of him was hoping, futilely he was aware, that things might go back to the way they used to be. But since the death of the ‘real’ Queen of Hearts, the world had fallen apart. This time though, Alice and the Queen of Hearts did not get along. It had not happened in such a long time, he was feeling nostalgic.
He liked the look on Alice’s face, the look that said that could and would kill anyone that got in his way. He wondered what happened to that small boy, shying away from them all those years ago. Ah well, who could tell what runs through the mind of a desperate man? He didn’t think that they always thought in any fashion known to him. At one level, he felt that this Alice and he himself were really close, or could be - for some time at least. He too must die. And when the time came, he wondered who would be the one to pull the trigger. It would be interesting if it was the Hatter, but it would be more fun if he could provoke the March Hare into killing again. That boy had spent far too long being innocent. Well, at least he wasn’t that anymore.
“What do you think, White Rabbit?” He turned his gaze towards the Queen. She hardly ever acknowledged his presence. She hadn’t even considered him when he had first brought a ‘boy’ Alice to the world. To think that things would change, he almost smiled. Almost, he couldn’t allow himself to show emotion at the Queen’s court.
“I think he is Alice. He calls himself that after all.”
Alice was eyeing him now. Those same cold eyes. Did he want to murder the White Rabbit too? Now that would be an interesting experiment. Usually, they were all so dependant on him - it annoyed him. But this Alice clearly hated him.
“But you say you did not bring Alice to this world?” The Queen was eyeing him as well, but she looked ever-so slightly confused. Ah, to think that even she would show emotion. He would sleep well that night, have pleasant dreams too maybe. Things were changing after all.
“Well, if he calls himself Alice then he must be Alice.” The White Rabbit smiled.
“That doesn’t make sense! If I started to call myself the Hatter, would that make me him?” Alice pointed indignantly towards a clearly shocked Hatter. The Hatter was moving away from him, his curls grew even wilder by the second.
“We do not talk like that here. Names are powerful things, you should watch what you say Alice.” The Queen really did not like Alice, but Alice wasn’t ready to stop there.
“And you!” He pointed at the Queen, “If I were to call myself the Queen, then what would that make you?”
“Angry.” The Queen decided as two of her guards launched themselves at Alice. They were ready to kill him already? That was a short life span, the shortest the White Rabbit had seen till date. But… oh… He watched with amused eyes as Alice fought back. His murderous intent flooded the room, he was desperate, and he wouldn’t be stopped now. The guards attacked him, one with a sword and one with a spear, but Alice moved forward to dodge them. Something sparked in his mind and he ran across the courtroom and moved to stand behind the Queen. Within seconds, his hand was pressing down her throat, “So if I kill you and call myself the Queen, then what does that make you?”
Alice felt a sharp stab across his side as a tall figure appeared behind him, “Ah, my Knave.” The Queen smiled as the grip around her throat was released, “It makes me angry Alice, and I will have you executed.”
“Already?” The White Rabbit couldn’t help himself and before he could stop himself, the words spilled out of his mouth.
The Queen was looking at him sympathetically now, “Would you like to join him as well?”
“I’m afraid you don’t have that authority, my Queen.” The White Rabbit bowed ever so slightly. He was slightly irritated at her. Had she forgotten who it was that took her from her miserable, wretched existence as a barkeep and brought her to this world? Perhaps he had made a mistake after all, a mistake that he would have to clean.
“Of course I do! Execute him first, execute him before me!” The Queen ordered. But no one moved. There was a visible red flush across the Queen’s cheeks, and she clenched her hands into fists. She would not tolerate such disobedience.
“I’m ordering you to kill him, do it now Knave of Hearts!” She ordered the man standing next to her directly. But he wouldn’t move either. It was a known secret in the world that the White Rabbit stood above all - he was, after all the oldest. He was the original inhabitant. He was the one who had brought them all there; he had carefully selected the players who would act out the roles. He was the untold ruler. No one would kill him, what if something where to happen if they did? They were all scared of things they didn’t know. But the White Rabbit knew. A new White Rabbit would come to take his place, perhaps much the same way this new Alice had appeared. But he was in no hurry to die. However, the arrogance of the Queen had presented him with a brand new opportunity to travel to the dull world again. He would now need to dispose of her and once he did…
His thoughts came to a halt when he saw Alice snatching the sword from the Knave.
“If I were to kill you…” Alice started to talk as he plunged the knife into the Queen’s heart, “and called myself the new Queen, then what would happen?” Alice’s eyes were wide, blood splattered across his shirt as the Queen landed on top of his, slowly bleeding out. He was gasping for breath, as if trying to control himself. The White Rabbit did not doubt for a second that he wanted to kill everyone in the room. But, he had saved him some work. The Queen was now disposed of. And he could travel back to the dull world, and perhaps find a more complacent replacement this time. He would not wait today, he didn’t want another individual to pop up and claim they were the Queen.
“Nothing.” The White Rabbit answered Alice. Those blood-thirsty eyes were looking straight at him now. No one in the room was moving, “You’re Alice. You can only be one person at a time.” He started to walk towards the gate, “You’ve given me a chance to travel up again. And for that, I thank you.” The White Rabbit waved as disappeared into the room across.
Alice was heaving. What had he done? He hadn’t meant to kill anyone. But the body in his hands had grown cold. Why hadn’t anyone stood up to help? They could have at least tried to save her. Alice didn’t understand this world. But he was feeling cold inside - had something like this happened to his brother too? Emotions ran wild here, he could tell. There was a point after which no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t stop himself. His body had moved on its own, he could hear the words he had spoken, feel his body move. He could feel the warm blood as it made its way down his shirt, soaking it. But he couldn’t stop himself, not then, not now. He turned towards the Knave. The man was looking at him, but there was a hint of sadness in his eyes.
“Why didn’t you stop me?” He whispered through clenched teeth, he still needed to take control over his body.
“The stage was set. There was nothing I could do.” The Knave bowed slightly before Alice, “Now, if you would give me the body?”
Alice held her close to him, and he held her tightly, just a few minutes ago she had been alive. Now she was gone.
“What will you do with her?”
The Knave had no answer. They never did. But they knew what to do. They had to take the bodies and throw it down the well. A small well, tucked away at a corner of the palace grounds. It was unnoticeable unless you looked for it, but if you did, there could only be one purpose behind it. The well contained no water, there was nothing there. The bodies would vanish over night- as if they had never existed in the first place. In their world, there was no talk of anyone having been killed. It was the duty of the replacements to ensure that. There could be no mention of death, yet it was all around them. The only way to stay alive was to keep your head down and pray that no one noticed you.
Be they someone from the town, or someone from the court - if you were killed your body would go down that well, and the White Rabbit would find a replacement for you.
And then life would go on as always. Those were the Rules, and they had been there for as long as anybody could remember.
The Knave bent down held out his hands, “Please give her to me.”
“I hadn’t meant to…” Alice started to whisper as he loosened his grip around the body. She was cold in his arms. The Knave took her from him, and he carried her following the same path that the White Rabbit had taken. The words ‘I hadn’t meant to, ‘ echoed around the walls of the court.
“Are you alright?” The Hatter dared to ask from where he stood.
Alice looked at him, his eyes were red. He nodded as he sluggishly stood up, “Is this what happened to my brother?”
“I don’t know.” The Hatter shook his head, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He added as an after-thought. No mention of the previous Alices were allowed. It was dangerous - they died the most frequently.
“Can I at least see the body?” Alice looked at him, his voice was still weak.
The Hatter laughed nervously, “See who?”
Alice sighed as he slowly walked down the stairs, the red of the carpet had been stained a darker shade with the blood, but nobody acted like anything had happened - except the March Hare. He still looked nervous. He always looked nervous, Alice thought. But at least he showed more emotion than anyone else around him right then.
“The Duchess!” The Hatter felt he had to say something, “You promised her that you’d visit today, did you forget?”
“What?” Alice stared at him, “You mean the previous Alice did.”
The Hatter looked confused, “Who?”
“It doesn’t matter!” The March Hare walked towards Alice and took his hand, “He’s right you know, you did promise the Duchess. We should go see her next.” He smiled at Alice. It was the first time he had smiled at him since the two of them met. Alice did not return the favor. He seemed to be dazed. He followed the March Hare and the Hatter as they took him outside the palace gates, to visit the Duchess
~~~
By the time he had any desire to speak at all, he found himself sitting on a large couch in what he considered a room very reminiscent of his own world, and very much unlike the strange fairytalesque surrounding he had found himself in since the day before. In fact the couch was just like the one he had at home when he was younger. The whole room looked familiar.
A small, rough looking girl placed a tray containing a teapot and four cups in front of him, “The Duchess will be here soon.” She spoke politely, and with that, she was gone.
The March Hare and the Hatter were busy talking amongst themselves. They had just started shouting and laughing madly when a boy a lot younger than Alice entered the room, “I hope you’ve made yourselves comfortable.” The boy said as he walked towards the chair seated opposite the couch.
That voice. Alice’s head turned the instant he heard it. That was… it couldn’t have been, “You…” He pointed at the Duchess, “You’re supposed to be dead.” He felt like laughing now. He was half-laughing and trying to stop himself from crying at the same time. He couldn’t believe it. And all this time he had thought he was dead. He had spent the last ten years of his life praying for a miracle like this, and there he was. Maybe he really was dead, maybe this was heaven after all. ‘Or maybe it’s a just a dream,’ a voice in his head told him.
“I’m alive Alice, and you are late.” The boy looked exactly like he had when he had first disappeared. He and Alice shared much of the same facial features - the brothers had taken after their mother a lot. Both had brown hair and brown eyes, the younger boy still had a splash of freckles across his face, exactly the same as Alice remembered from when he had last seen him.
“But you’re supposed to be, I mean, I thought you were dead.” Alice laughed as he moved to towards the Duchess. He wanted to touch him, to confirm that it really was him.
The boy laughed, “You’re making no sense at all.”
“He hasn’t been all day.” The Hatter remarked. They had quietened down after seeing the Duchess enter and were now calculating every one of Alice’s moves.
“He keeps talking of dead brothers.” The Hatter added, taking a sip from his cup.
“Oh, but that’s awful.” The Duchess looked sad, then he turned to the Hatter, “Would you like some more tea?”
The Hatter nodded, “I couldn’t get a lick of sense out of him. He says he just came here yesterday.”
“What?” The Duchess turned to Alice, “Are you just being silly? Well, being silly is a wonderful thing! But you do talk of such macabre things.” His smile was genuine, innocent.
“You don’t remember anything, do you?” Alice asked. The smile on his face was gone, and he was gripping the Duchess’s shoulders tightly. But the Duchess showed no signs of discomfort, “Do you want more tea?” He simply asked, pointing to the empty cup Alice was supposed to drink from.
“No, I don’t want more tea. In fact, I don’t want any tea at all. What I want is for you to remember. And when you’re done playing games, I want you to come home with me.” Alice was beginning to feel furious. All those years he had spent searching for his brother, taking in his stride the looks of pity and sympathy that people sent his way. All those nights he heard his drunk mother accusing him of doing something unforgivable, all the strength that took for him to decide to end his life - everything that had led to him becoming what he was that day was linked to his brother. And now he was sitting there with a dumb look on his face asking him if he wanted more tea? He wanted to hurt somebody. A sudden desire to kill overcame him again, and he felt his hands slowly sliding its way to the Duchess’s throat. He couldn’t control his body again. He was horrified, he was going to kill his brother, and no one would stop him.
But a hand clasped down on his firmly, it was the March Hare, “So Alice, if we’re done with the tea, what do you say you and I go out for a walk?” He winked in a friendly manner.
~~~
“Was that just to get me away from him?” Alice spoke as they walked past another of the same looking houses. They were back in fairy tale land as far as he was concerned.
“What do you think?” The March Hare stretched out one of his hands and yawned, “I know what you’re doing. Don’t”
“He remembers. I know he does.”
“I’m not saying he doesn’t. It’s more a question of what he remembers, or rather who he remembers. How long has it been no-name? And you suddenly pop here one day and claim you’re Alice. Did you expect him to take you into his arms and say how glad he was that he could see you again?” The March Hare gave him a strange smile, “Things have happened No-Name, things you wouldn’t like to hear.”
“And yet no one wants to talk about it!” Alice was beginning to feel desperate, and at the same time, a wave of relief splashed across him - someone was beginning to make sense.
“What are you going to tell me now? That you didn’t ask to be Alice? That you don’t know how you got here? You know as well as I do that you’ve been following a trail.” The March Hare smirked, “And yet, you don’t seem to realize it at all.”
“But he was supposed to be Alice…”
“Who’s to say he wasn’t? But like I said, things change. The White Rabbit isn’t the only one who can change things around here.” The March Hare said with a proud smile, “I picked up a thing or two while I was hanging out with him. But he has a bad streak, and I didn’t want to be a part of that. So I adjusted the details my way. Can’t say he was too happy about it though.” The March Hare shrugged, “Well, that’s what you get for trying to make a murderer out of someone.”
“So you saved him? You saved my brother?” Alice was staring at the March Hare now, he wasn’t sure what to think. This whole world was so strange.
“I did what I could. I wouldn’t say he was ‘saved’ seeing as he’s still here. Not the way you saved the Queen at any rate.” He winked.
“So you’re saying killing’s good?” Alice demanded to know.
“I’m saying that anything’s better than constantly living in fear. Your brother knows that. And if you’re wondering how I know - then it’s because he asked me to tell you. That’s why we’re having this conversation now. I owed him a favor for what I had to do to him, and now I’m living up to that. I’m not doing this because I like you.”
“I don’t care if you ‘like me’, but, “ here Alice paused and took a deep breath, “Thank you. Both of you - you’ve been looking after me since I got here and…”
“Don’t get sappy on me. Just… don’t” The March Hare gave him a look, and Alice laughed.
“Am I supposed to be Alice forever now, or at least until someone loses their cool and kills me? I’ll fight back you know.”
“I expect you too, and I know who’s going to lose their cool first.”
“The White Rabbit?” Alice guessed.
The March Hare smiled, “He tried to kill me when I changed things, you have no idea what he’s like when he has mood swings. Just don’t expect me to protect you.”
“And you’re telling me all this because you owe my brother a favor?” Alice asked, a patronizing smile on his face.
The March Hare nodded.
“Who’s the liar now?” asked Alice. His friend just laughed in reply.
~~~
The March Hare had a dream. He wanted to live differently. He was used to being alone in the Dull World, it wasn’t as if he didn’t have people he could be close with - he had just chosen to avoid them. At first, he hadn’t understood why but eventually he had come to realize that it was just a simple defense mechanism. He was aware that he alw3ays made the wrong choices - it didn’t matter what he was dealing with - he would make the wrong friends, trust the wrong people, even take the wrong turning home from school, he was always wrong. People were quick to point that out, and he knew they just had his best interests at heart. Or at least that was what he told himself. A part of him believed that they just wanted to make themselves feel better by making him feel worse. It was probably a strange way of showing authority- hoe much more powerful than him they were. He would shut everyone out eventually, and feel that life wasn’t worth living. It was a feeling he held inside him everyday, and a feeling that never changed until he met the White Rabbit.
He liked to think of the White Rabbit as his first friend; the strange boy with white hair that had asked him to follow. The March Hare didn’t know why he listened, this was a strange boy who he had never met before - he should be running for his life. But even though every instinct had kicked up and told him to run, he knew that he couldn’t move, that he wouldn’t move. He belonged there, with that boy, he knew it. So he had followed.
Over the next few years, he had slowly grown accustomed to his new friend’s world, and to his new friend as well. He liked to believe that the White Rabbit trusted him, and one day, he asked to be allowed to follow him into the Dull World.
“You want to go back?” The White Rabbit had asked him, looking genuinely shocked.
The March Hare had shrugged, he didn’t really want to go back, he just didn’t have anything to do in this world, “Sure, why not?” He had smiled. He was curious; would the White Rabbit allow him to go with him?
But the White Rabbit did allow him. With a worried nod, he had asked the March Hare to follow him again, and he had done just that. When didn’t he? That was when he met the boy Alice. And then he noticed something in his friend had changed. He had wondered if the White Rabbit was underestimating him. Why would he want to kill anyone? It didn’t matter if this boy was the most annoying thing he’d ever met - that didn’t justify killing him. But he knew that he would die, somehow or the other he would die. It didn’t matter if it was the March Hare that killed him or not, the boy could just as easily have been killed by anyone else. What interested him was the fact that the White Rabbit seemed reluctant to get his own hands dirty, and he seemed willing to frame the March Hare in his place. The March Hare could feel the need to ostracize the world around him arising again, and he was, for the first time he had set foot in that world, scared. He would have to come up with a certain way to save himself before he caved in again, and he figured the only way to do that was by saving Alice.
He had felt that it was fate when he realized that he didn’t have to do much of anything. The Duchess, one fine morning, had tripped and fallen down the stairs. She had died. The March Hare was surprised and suspicious at the same time. He didn’t know who it was that had killed the Duchess, but it had given him the opportunity he needed. He had wasted no time in convincing Alice to claim that he was the Duchess.
“But why?” Alice had asked, clearly not sure what was happening.
The March Hare had just looked at him, and he was never sure why Alice had agreed that day. Had he seen the concern in the March Hare’s eyes, or was he simple that gullible? Or did he know exactly what was going to happen and realized that this was the only way he could survive? The March Hare never found out. All he knew was the Alice agreed, and he became the Duchess.
“Are you not Alice?” The Queen had asked him when he was taken to her courtroom to settle the claim.
“The White Rabbit has gone out to look for a new Alice.” The March Hare had said from where he stood on the side.
The Queen had looked at him, and not for a second did the March Hare doubt that she knew everything, “Fine then.” She had said, “You may be the Duchess.”
The Duchess hadn’t complained since that day. But he would occasionally invite the March Hare over for tea. The Hatter liked to accompany him, but there was one person who never set foot in that house - the White Rabbit.
The White Rabbit had been curious after the new Duchess had come in, “How did he know?” He had asked his confidante, and the March Hare had simply shrugged, “It was a lucky guess?”
“It’s not possible for someone so new to know how this world functions.” The White Rabbit was looking at him now; a suspicious look was on his face.
“I didn’t help him if that’s what you mean.” The March Hare was quick to lie.
“I suppose not, you’ve never really liked him.”
He wondered when the White Rabbit had finally decided to kill him. For the first time since he had met the boy, he saw him killing someone with his own hands, “I don’t often do this.” The White Rabbit had said as he struggled to keep the March Hare’s head under water.
Was it the new Alice? Did the White Rabbit think that it was him who had brought in the new boy? The March Hare tried to hold his breath, but he knew he was going to die. He couldn’t breathe, he was too scared to open his eyes, and the White Rabbit was much stronger than he was. His head was throbbing, and no matter how hard he tried to break free from the tight grasp, he couldn’t. He was sure then, that he would die. And like all the other deaths, his too would be chalked up to the world performing its duties. He would be thrown down a well somewhere and never be found. For the first time in his life, he doubted himself. Maybe he shouldn’t have followed the White Rabbit; maybe he shouldn’t have saved the boy Alice. But he somehow couldn’t bring himself to regret those decisions.
He wondered if he was crying, all he could think to do was open his eyes. As he struggled for breath under water, he felt the grip around his neck loosen. At that last moment, he felt himself slipping into the water; he really always made the wrong decisions after all.
Link to Parth Four: (Part Four)
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Part Three
~~~
Life went on as normal, just as he had predicted. Nothing had changed, nothing at all. Except, for once, there was something amiss. He couldn’t say the he didn’t like the change, but if Alice didn’t correct his attitude, he was afraid he might have to remove the anomaly himself.
The White Rabbit stared across the courtroom. Alice stood arrogantly in front of the Queen of Hearts. He was demanding to know what had happened to the previous Alice, and the Queen of Hearts, much as she always did, feigned ignorance of the whole matter.
“If you are Alice, then how could there have been one before you?” she asked
“I came here yesterday.” Alice growled and took a step forward. The Knights surrounding the Queen did the same, but the Queen raised her hand, bidding them to stay calm.
“You have always existed; the form which you take means nothing to me. Alice is Alice. If you are indeed Alice as you claim to be, then there could never have been a previous Alice.”
“You just contradicted yourself.” The Hatter helpfully supplied. He always knew that place, that man. The White Rabbit had yet to find a Hatter who did not place himself next to Alice. He was probably still sour over the fate of his old companion, but they both knew that he was bound by the laws of the land to feign ignorance.
The White Rabbit smiled to himself, he had such loyal companions, and it almost seemed a shame when the time came to discard them. But old toys needed to be thrown away sometimes. It was difficult to fix them when they broke, and he had little choice, at least in his mind.
“I came here yesterday, how the hell am I supposed to have existed all this time?” Alice snarled. He had refused to prostrate before the Queen, as was custom. He had refused to beg her audience; he had refused to wait until he was called. He had just barged in, and no one was surprised. That was because no one was supposed to be surprised. No one was supposed to show that anything was out of the ordinary, those were the Rules and those were what they all abided by.
“Those do not concern me.” The Queen waved him off, “Your presence here means that you are Alice. Have you not come here to fulfill your duties?”
“Duties?” Alice was beginning to look confused.
“To carry on with your role of Alice, to be the one who brings wonder to the world. Should you stop, you will be replaced.”
“That doesn’t even mean anything!” Alice started to walk towards the Queen, “You’re making less sense by the minute. This as all…”
“Nonsense?” The Hatter spoke again, one hand reaching out to grab Alice. There were things even he could not do, and threatening the Queen of Hearts was one of them.
The White Rabbit wondered when the mythology had changed so much. There was once a time when things functioned differently, a world he can hardly remember at this point. There was a ‘real’ Queen of Hearts then, and the ‘original’ Alice. They had not gotten along. But time had passed on and so had they and the replacements all had new ideas. They all brought changes with them, as if one dynasty was replacing another. Every time there was a major replacement, the mythos surrounding his world shifted ever so slightly. He felt delighted during those times. It was as if a part of him was hoping, futilely he was aware, that things might go back to the way they used to be. But since the death of the ‘real’ Queen of Hearts, the world had fallen apart. This time though, Alice and the Queen of Hearts did not get along. It had not happened in such a long time, he was feeling nostalgic.
He liked the look on Alice’s face, the look that said that could and would kill anyone that got in his way. He wondered what happened to that small boy, shying away from them all those years ago. Ah well, who could tell what runs through the mind of a desperate man? He didn’t think that they always thought in any fashion known to him. At one level, he felt that this Alice and he himself were really close, or could be - for some time at least. He too must die. And when the time came, he wondered who would be the one to pull the trigger. It would be interesting if it was the Hatter, but it would be more fun if he could provoke the March Hare into killing again. That boy had spent far too long being innocent. Well, at least he wasn’t that anymore.
“What do you think, White Rabbit?” He turned his gaze towards the Queen. She hardly ever acknowledged his presence. She hadn’t even considered him when he had first brought a ‘boy’ Alice to the world. To think that things would change, he almost smiled. Almost, he couldn’t allow himself to show emotion at the Queen’s court.
“I think he is Alice. He calls himself that after all.”
Alice was eyeing him now. Those same cold eyes. Did he want to murder the White Rabbit too? Now that would be an interesting experiment. Usually, they were all so dependant on him - it annoyed him. But this Alice clearly hated him.
“But you say you did not bring Alice to this world?” The Queen was eyeing him as well, but she looked ever-so slightly confused. Ah, to think that even she would show emotion. He would sleep well that night, have pleasant dreams too maybe. Things were changing after all.
“Well, if he calls himself Alice then he must be Alice.” The White Rabbit smiled.
“That doesn’t make sense! If I started to call myself the Hatter, would that make me him?” Alice pointed indignantly towards a clearly shocked Hatter. The Hatter was moving away from him, his curls grew even wilder by the second.
“We do not talk like that here. Names are powerful things, you should watch what you say Alice.” The Queen really did not like Alice, but Alice wasn’t ready to stop there.
“And you!” He pointed at the Queen, “If I were to call myself the Queen, then what would that make you?”
“Angry.” The Queen decided as two of her guards launched themselves at Alice. They were ready to kill him already? That was a short life span, the shortest the White Rabbit had seen till date. But… oh… He watched with amused eyes as Alice fought back. His murderous intent flooded the room, he was desperate, and he wouldn’t be stopped now. The guards attacked him, one with a sword and one with a spear, but Alice moved forward to dodge them. Something sparked in his mind and he ran across the courtroom and moved to stand behind the Queen. Within seconds, his hand was pressing down her throat, “So if I kill you and call myself the Queen, then what does that make you?”
Alice felt a sharp stab across his side as a tall figure appeared behind him, “Ah, my Knave.” The Queen smiled as the grip around her throat was released, “It makes me angry Alice, and I will have you executed.”
“Already?” The White Rabbit couldn’t help himself and before he could stop himself, the words spilled out of his mouth.
The Queen was looking at him sympathetically now, “Would you like to join him as well?”
“I’m afraid you don’t have that authority, my Queen.” The White Rabbit bowed ever so slightly. He was slightly irritated at her. Had she forgotten who it was that took her from her miserable, wretched existence as a barkeep and brought her to this world? Perhaps he had made a mistake after all, a mistake that he would have to clean.
“Of course I do! Execute him first, execute him before me!” The Queen ordered. But no one moved. There was a visible red flush across the Queen’s cheeks, and she clenched her hands into fists. She would not tolerate such disobedience.
“I’m ordering you to kill him, do it now Knave of Hearts!” She ordered the man standing next to her directly. But he wouldn’t move either. It was a known secret in the world that the White Rabbit stood above all - he was, after all the oldest. He was the original inhabitant. He was the one who had brought them all there; he had carefully selected the players who would act out the roles. He was the untold ruler. No one would kill him, what if something where to happen if they did? They were all scared of things they didn’t know. But the White Rabbit knew. A new White Rabbit would come to take his place, perhaps much the same way this new Alice had appeared. But he was in no hurry to die. However, the arrogance of the Queen had presented him with a brand new opportunity to travel to the dull world again. He would now need to dispose of her and once he did…
His thoughts came to a halt when he saw Alice snatching the sword from the Knave.
“If I were to kill you…” Alice started to talk as he plunged the knife into the Queen’s heart, “and called myself the new Queen, then what would happen?” Alice’s eyes were wide, blood splattered across his shirt as the Queen landed on top of his, slowly bleeding out. He was gasping for breath, as if trying to control himself. The White Rabbit did not doubt for a second that he wanted to kill everyone in the room. But, he had saved him some work. The Queen was now disposed of. And he could travel back to the dull world, and perhaps find a more complacent replacement this time. He would not wait today, he didn’t want another individual to pop up and claim they were the Queen.
“Nothing.” The White Rabbit answered Alice. Those blood-thirsty eyes were looking straight at him now. No one in the room was moving, “You’re Alice. You can only be one person at a time.” He started to walk towards the gate, “You’ve given me a chance to travel up again. And for that, I thank you.” The White Rabbit waved as disappeared into the room across.
Alice was heaving. What had he done? He hadn’t meant to kill anyone. But the body in his hands had grown cold. Why hadn’t anyone stood up to help? They could have at least tried to save her. Alice didn’t understand this world. But he was feeling cold inside - had something like this happened to his brother too? Emotions ran wild here, he could tell. There was a point after which no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t stop himself. His body had moved on its own, he could hear the words he had spoken, feel his body move. He could feel the warm blood as it made its way down his shirt, soaking it. But he couldn’t stop himself, not then, not now. He turned towards the Knave. The man was looking at him, but there was a hint of sadness in his eyes.
“Why didn’t you stop me?” He whispered through clenched teeth, he still needed to take control over his body.
“The stage was set. There was nothing I could do.” The Knave bowed slightly before Alice, “Now, if you would give me the body?”
Alice held her close to him, and he held her tightly, just a few minutes ago she had been alive. Now she was gone.
“What will you do with her?”
The Knave had no answer. They never did. But they knew what to do. They had to take the bodies and throw it down the well. A small well, tucked away at a corner of the palace grounds. It was unnoticeable unless you looked for it, but if you did, there could only be one purpose behind it. The well contained no water, there was nothing there. The bodies would vanish over night- as if they had never existed in the first place. In their world, there was no talk of anyone having been killed. It was the duty of the replacements to ensure that. There could be no mention of death, yet it was all around them. The only way to stay alive was to keep your head down and pray that no one noticed you.
Be they someone from the town, or someone from the court - if you were killed your body would go down that well, and the White Rabbit would find a replacement for you.
And then life would go on as always. Those were the Rules, and they had been there for as long as anybody could remember.
The Knave bent down held out his hands, “Please give her to me.”
“I hadn’t meant to…” Alice started to whisper as he loosened his grip around the body. She was cold in his arms. The Knave took her from him, and he carried her following the same path that the White Rabbit had taken. The words ‘I hadn’t meant to, ‘ echoed around the walls of the court.
“Are you alright?” The Hatter dared to ask from where he stood.
Alice looked at him, his eyes were red. He nodded as he sluggishly stood up, “Is this what happened to my brother?”
“I don’t know.” The Hatter shook his head, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He added as an after-thought. No mention of the previous Alices were allowed. It was dangerous - they died the most frequently.
“Can I at least see the body?” Alice looked at him, his voice was still weak.
The Hatter laughed nervously, “See who?”
Alice sighed as he slowly walked down the stairs, the red of the carpet had been stained a darker shade with the blood, but nobody acted like anything had happened - except the March Hare. He still looked nervous. He always looked nervous, Alice thought. But at least he showed more emotion than anyone else around him right then.
“The Duchess!” The Hatter felt he had to say something, “You promised her that you’d visit today, did you forget?”
“What?” Alice stared at him, “You mean the previous Alice did.”
The Hatter looked confused, “Who?”
“It doesn’t matter!” The March Hare walked towards Alice and took his hand, “He’s right you know, you did promise the Duchess. We should go see her next.” He smiled at Alice. It was the first time he had smiled at him since the two of them met. Alice did not return the favor. He seemed to be dazed. He followed the March Hare and the Hatter as they took him outside the palace gates, to visit the Duchess
~~~
By the time he had any desire to speak at all, he found himself sitting on a large couch in what he considered a room very reminiscent of his own world, and very much unlike the strange fairytalesque surrounding he had found himself in since the day before. In fact the couch was just like the one he had at home when he was younger. The whole room looked familiar.
A small, rough looking girl placed a tray containing a teapot and four cups in front of him, “The Duchess will be here soon.” She spoke politely, and with that, she was gone.
The March Hare and the Hatter were busy talking amongst themselves. They had just started shouting and laughing madly when a boy a lot younger than Alice entered the room, “I hope you’ve made yourselves comfortable.” The boy said as he walked towards the chair seated opposite the couch.
That voice. Alice’s head turned the instant he heard it. That was… it couldn’t have been, “You…” He pointed at the Duchess, “You’re supposed to be dead.” He felt like laughing now. He was half-laughing and trying to stop himself from crying at the same time. He couldn’t believe it. And all this time he had thought he was dead. He had spent the last ten years of his life praying for a miracle like this, and there he was. Maybe he really was dead, maybe this was heaven after all. ‘Or maybe it’s a just a dream,’ a voice in his head told him.
“I’m alive Alice, and you are late.” The boy looked exactly like he had when he had first disappeared. He and Alice shared much of the same facial features - the brothers had taken after their mother a lot. Both had brown hair and brown eyes, the younger boy still had a splash of freckles across his face, exactly the same as Alice remembered from when he had last seen him.
“But you’re supposed to be, I mean, I thought you were dead.” Alice laughed as he moved to towards the Duchess. He wanted to touch him, to confirm that it really was him.
The boy laughed, “You’re making no sense at all.”
“He hasn’t been all day.” The Hatter remarked. They had quietened down after seeing the Duchess enter and were now calculating every one of Alice’s moves.
“He keeps talking of dead brothers.” The Hatter added, taking a sip from his cup.
“Oh, but that’s awful.” The Duchess looked sad, then he turned to the Hatter, “Would you like some more tea?”
The Hatter nodded, “I couldn’t get a lick of sense out of him. He says he just came here yesterday.”
“What?” The Duchess turned to Alice, “Are you just being silly? Well, being silly is a wonderful thing! But you do talk of such macabre things.” His smile was genuine, innocent.
“You don’t remember anything, do you?” Alice asked. The smile on his face was gone, and he was gripping the Duchess’s shoulders tightly. But the Duchess showed no signs of discomfort, “Do you want more tea?” He simply asked, pointing to the empty cup Alice was supposed to drink from.
“No, I don’t want more tea. In fact, I don’t want any tea at all. What I want is for you to remember. And when you’re done playing games, I want you to come home with me.” Alice was beginning to feel furious. All those years he had spent searching for his brother, taking in his stride the looks of pity and sympathy that people sent his way. All those nights he heard his drunk mother accusing him of doing something unforgivable, all the strength that took for him to decide to end his life - everything that had led to him becoming what he was that day was linked to his brother. And now he was sitting there with a dumb look on his face asking him if he wanted more tea? He wanted to hurt somebody. A sudden desire to kill overcame him again, and he felt his hands slowly sliding its way to the Duchess’s throat. He couldn’t control his body again. He was horrified, he was going to kill his brother, and no one would stop him.
But a hand clasped down on his firmly, it was the March Hare, “So Alice, if we’re done with the tea, what do you say you and I go out for a walk?” He winked in a friendly manner.
~~~
“Was that just to get me away from him?” Alice spoke as they walked past another of the same looking houses. They were back in fairy tale land as far as he was concerned.
“What do you think?” The March Hare stretched out one of his hands and yawned, “I know what you’re doing. Don’t”
“He remembers. I know he does.”
“I’m not saying he doesn’t. It’s more a question of what he remembers, or rather who he remembers. How long has it been no-name? And you suddenly pop here one day and claim you’re Alice. Did you expect him to take you into his arms and say how glad he was that he could see you again?” The March Hare gave him a strange smile, “Things have happened No-Name, things you wouldn’t like to hear.”
“And yet no one wants to talk about it!” Alice was beginning to feel desperate, and at the same time, a wave of relief splashed across him - someone was beginning to make sense.
“What are you going to tell me now? That you didn’t ask to be Alice? That you don’t know how you got here? You know as well as I do that you’ve been following a trail.” The March Hare smirked, “And yet, you don’t seem to realize it at all.”
“But he was supposed to be Alice…”
“Who’s to say he wasn’t? But like I said, things change. The White Rabbit isn’t the only one who can change things around here.” The March Hare said with a proud smile, “I picked up a thing or two while I was hanging out with him. But he has a bad streak, and I didn’t want to be a part of that. So I adjusted the details my way. Can’t say he was too happy about it though.” The March Hare shrugged, “Well, that’s what you get for trying to make a murderer out of someone.”
“So you saved him? You saved my brother?” Alice was staring at the March Hare now, he wasn’t sure what to think. This whole world was so strange.
“I did what I could. I wouldn’t say he was ‘saved’ seeing as he’s still here. Not the way you saved the Queen at any rate.” He winked.
“So you’re saying killing’s good?” Alice demanded to know.
“I’m saying that anything’s better than constantly living in fear. Your brother knows that. And if you’re wondering how I know - then it’s because he asked me to tell you. That’s why we’re having this conversation now. I owed him a favor for what I had to do to him, and now I’m living up to that. I’m not doing this because I like you.”
“I don’t care if you ‘like me’, but, “ here Alice paused and took a deep breath, “Thank you. Both of you - you’ve been looking after me since I got here and…”
“Don’t get sappy on me. Just… don’t” The March Hare gave him a look, and Alice laughed.
“Am I supposed to be Alice forever now, or at least until someone loses their cool and kills me? I’ll fight back you know.”
“I expect you too, and I know who’s going to lose their cool first.”
“The White Rabbit?” Alice guessed.
The March Hare smiled, “He tried to kill me when I changed things, you have no idea what he’s like when he has mood swings. Just don’t expect me to protect you.”
“And you’re telling me all this because you owe my brother a favor?” Alice asked, a patronizing smile on his face.
The March Hare nodded.
“Who’s the liar now?” asked Alice. His friend just laughed in reply.
~~~
The March Hare had a dream. He wanted to live differently. He was used to being alone in the Dull World, it wasn’t as if he didn’t have people he could be close with - he had just chosen to avoid them. At first, he hadn’t understood why but eventually he had come to realize that it was just a simple defense mechanism. He was aware that he alw3ays made the wrong choices - it didn’t matter what he was dealing with - he would make the wrong friends, trust the wrong people, even take the wrong turning home from school, he was always wrong. People were quick to point that out, and he knew they just had his best interests at heart. Or at least that was what he told himself. A part of him believed that they just wanted to make themselves feel better by making him feel worse. It was probably a strange way of showing authority- hoe much more powerful than him they were. He would shut everyone out eventually, and feel that life wasn’t worth living. It was a feeling he held inside him everyday, and a feeling that never changed until he met the White Rabbit.
He liked to think of the White Rabbit as his first friend; the strange boy with white hair that had asked him to follow. The March Hare didn’t know why he listened, this was a strange boy who he had never met before - he should be running for his life. But even though every instinct had kicked up and told him to run, he knew that he couldn’t move, that he wouldn’t move. He belonged there, with that boy, he knew it. So he had followed.
Over the next few years, he had slowly grown accustomed to his new friend’s world, and to his new friend as well. He liked to believe that the White Rabbit trusted him, and one day, he asked to be allowed to follow him into the Dull World.
“You want to go back?” The White Rabbit had asked him, looking genuinely shocked.
The March Hare had shrugged, he didn’t really want to go back, he just didn’t have anything to do in this world, “Sure, why not?” He had smiled. He was curious; would the White Rabbit allow him to go with him?
But the White Rabbit did allow him. With a worried nod, he had asked the March Hare to follow him again, and he had done just that. When didn’t he? That was when he met the boy Alice. And then he noticed something in his friend had changed. He had wondered if the White Rabbit was underestimating him. Why would he want to kill anyone? It didn’t matter if this boy was the most annoying thing he’d ever met - that didn’t justify killing him. But he knew that he would die, somehow or the other he would die. It didn’t matter if it was the March Hare that killed him or not, the boy could just as easily have been killed by anyone else. What interested him was the fact that the White Rabbit seemed reluctant to get his own hands dirty, and he seemed willing to frame the March Hare in his place. The March Hare could feel the need to ostracize the world around him arising again, and he was, for the first time he had set foot in that world, scared. He would have to come up with a certain way to save himself before he caved in again, and he figured the only way to do that was by saving Alice.
He had felt that it was fate when he realized that he didn’t have to do much of anything. The Duchess, one fine morning, had tripped and fallen down the stairs. She had died. The March Hare was surprised and suspicious at the same time. He didn’t know who it was that had killed the Duchess, but it had given him the opportunity he needed. He had wasted no time in convincing Alice to claim that he was the Duchess.
“But why?” Alice had asked, clearly not sure what was happening.
The March Hare had just looked at him, and he was never sure why Alice had agreed that day. Had he seen the concern in the March Hare’s eyes, or was he simple that gullible? Or did he know exactly what was going to happen and realized that this was the only way he could survive? The March Hare never found out. All he knew was the Alice agreed, and he became the Duchess.
“Are you not Alice?” The Queen had asked him when he was taken to her courtroom to settle the claim.
“The White Rabbit has gone out to look for a new Alice.” The March Hare had said from where he stood on the side.
The Queen had looked at him, and not for a second did the March Hare doubt that she knew everything, “Fine then.” She had said, “You may be the Duchess.”
The Duchess hadn’t complained since that day. But he would occasionally invite the March Hare over for tea. The Hatter liked to accompany him, but there was one person who never set foot in that house - the White Rabbit.
The White Rabbit had been curious after the new Duchess had come in, “How did he know?” He had asked his confidante, and the March Hare had simply shrugged, “It was a lucky guess?”
“It’s not possible for someone so new to know how this world functions.” The White Rabbit was looking at him now; a suspicious look was on his face.
“I didn’t help him if that’s what you mean.” The March Hare was quick to lie.
“I suppose not, you’ve never really liked him.”
He wondered when the White Rabbit had finally decided to kill him. For the first time since he had met the boy, he saw him killing someone with his own hands, “I don’t often do this.” The White Rabbit had said as he struggled to keep the March Hare’s head under water.
Was it the new Alice? Did the White Rabbit think that it was him who had brought in the new boy? The March Hare tried to hold his breath, but he knew he was going to die. He couldn’t breathe, he was too scared to open his eyes, and the White Rabbit was much stronger than he was. His head was throbbing, and no matter how hard he tried to break free from the tight grasp, he couldn’t. He was sure then, that he would die. And like all the other deaths, his too would be chalked up to the world performing its duties. He would be thrown down a well somewhere and never be found. For the first time in his life, he doubted himself. Maybe he shouldn’t have followed the White Rabbit; maybe he shouldn’t have saved the boy Alice. But he somehow couldn’t bring himself to regret those decisions.
He wondered if he was crying, all he could think to do was open his eyes. As he struggled for breath under water, he felt the grip around his neck loosen. At that last moment, he felt himself slipping into the water; he really always made the wrong decisions after all.