[08] inside every girl is a prince; amber; pg
title: inside every girl is a prince
fandom: f(x)
character: amber
rating: PG
summary: amber isn't sure who it is the fans love.
The day SM Entertainment recruited her, Amber was having a horrible hair day. She was in her comfiest pair of jeans to make up for the fact that her skin was taking its cue from her hair to go haywire, wearing a bright blue shirt that had the words That's What She Said emblazoned across in white letters. Her baseball cap was tugged low over her face, and somehow the entire ensemble was apparently just what the representative was looking for.
The woman had thought she was a boy at first, stopping her and handing her a card. When she'd realized Amber was a girl, her eyes had widened briefly before slowly narrowing again.
"No, this will work, this will be a great concept..." She was suddenly all smiles and words again, and Amber felt like she hadn't even had time to breathe before her life had gotten swept out from under her and she'd ended up in Korea, joining a girl group as the - wait, what? - token boy.
---
"No, no, we're not making you a boy," her manager explained to her. "You're still a girl. You're just wearing boy clothes."
Amber was a little unsettled by the fact that she had a manager, and nodded dumbly along to the man's slow, awkward Mandarin. His English wasn't good enough to explain in her native language, and they'd tried to speak to her in Korean but even though she'd taken two years of the language, she certainly wasn't fluent by any means.
Her Mandarin wasn't great by any means, either, but at least she could comprehend basic ideas and sentences. Her parents tended to yell at her in Mandarin, after all.
But her grasp of languages wasn't the problem. Her confusion stemmed from the fact that she wasn't quite sure what the hell was going on.
"You're still a girl," her manager repeated helpfully. "You're just wearing boy clothes."
It turned out to be a little more than that.
---
It wasn't that Amber really had a problem wearing guy's clothing. Her style back home had tended towards jeans and t-shirts anyway, which were easy and comfortable and fun, especially when her t-shirts had creative things printed on them. She had never really gone for the short skirts and trendy tops some of her friends wore; she was built like a twelve-year-old boy, in her opinion, which made dressing in anything trendy and girly a little more difficult. Her friends had made her try on a cute green top once during a shopping trip and Amber had stared at herself in the mirror and thought wryly that it would work better if she had boobs.
So jeans and t-shirts were her standard fare; it didn't faze her that her company wanted to dress her in jeans and baggy shirts and baseball caps. She didn't even mind being given the "boy" role to the other members: holding open their car doors, escorting them from one place to another. It was kind of funny and she did like the way Krystal giggled and played along, exaggerating their roles with a curtsey. Her haircut was a little annoying because she preferred seeing out of two eyes instead of only one, but it was bearable. When she wasn't on stage, she tended to have her bangs clipped back or tucked behind her ear in any case.
In the end, it wasn't really her concept that bothered her. She liked Luna and Sulli and she really liked Krystal and Victoria. She liked her band and even though all the dance rehearsals and language classes were hard work, she still preferred it over school.
In the end, it was her own rapid popularity that bothered Amber.
She didn't want to sound ungrateful, because she knew she was lucky that f(x) had debuted so successfully, and she was lucky that fans had taken to her so quickly. In an industry where success was measured by the number of people screaming your name, Amber knew she should be thankful for the number of people who were so eager to learn hers.
But the problem was that she didn't think they were screaming for her.
They were screaming for an image, a concept, of a pretty-looking boy. They liked her because she was the perfect counterpoint to beautiful Victoria and classy Luna and pretty Krystal and cute Sulli. They loved her because she was like a perfect boy, but better because she wasn't. She wasn't a real threat to their pretty girl idols, and when said pretty girl idols got close to her, it wasn't a real threat either.
Amber didn't mind the jeans and the boots and the leather jackets; she didn't mind the men's hanbok or the boyish haircut. What she minded was the feeling that no one really bothered to look past the stereotypes to see the real her. The one who still liked girly romance movies along with all the Jackie Chan movies; the one who still daydreamed about a boy who would take her out and make her laugh (though maybe the daydreams involved fewer flowers and beaches, and more water guns and video games, but still, she dreamed); the one who sometimes stood in front of a mirror and wished she had the figure and the grace to carry off a lacy top or high heels.
She didn't mind that they loved her boyish image, but she wondered if they would ever see her for more than that.
---
She was best friends with Krystal out of all the members, if for no other reason than a common language. But Krystal reminded her of one of her best friends back home: someone girly, but outspoken, someone who wore make-up and hated horror movies but could still terrorize boys twice her size if she tried. She was someone Amber admired a lot, because of her differences, not in spite of them.
"You could put on a dress and heels and looking stunning," Krystal suggested when Amber finally talked to her. She sat cross-legged on Amber's bed, her hair tied back in a ponytail. "Shock them all. Prove them all wrong."
"I don't want to put on a dress and prove them wrong," Amber protested. "I look like crap in dresses. But that's not even the point. I don't like dresses." She dangled her legs off the side of the bed, kicking them restlessly. "I just want them to see that I'm more than a girl who looks like a guy who raps."
"Of course you're more than that."
"But I don't think they see that." Amber sighed, frustrated, and flopped back. The mattress bounced a little under her weight and she felt Krystal shift to face her.
"You should read the messages fans post about you," Krystal said. "Well, okay, they're in Korean. You can't. But, Amber, they like you 'cause they think you're cute. Not because they think you're a guy."
"They think I'm cute because I look like a guy," Amber grumbled.
Krystal hit her with a pillow. "Don't be so negative. If they could hear you, they'd know what a girl you were." She laughed as Amber made a disgruntled face and tossed the pillow back at her. "You should just start dating Henry - that'll remind everyone you're a girl."
Amber laughed. "Or they'll just think Henry's secretly gay."
They dissolved into giggles at the thought, and Krystal snatched another pillow to instigate a pillow fight. Luna poked her head into the room five minutes later in search of the source of all the shrieking. She found them jumping across the beds and tripping over sheets, armed with pillows and beating each other with all of their strength. Amber's hair was crazed and slipping out of the clip she'd pulled her bangs back with; Krystal's tank top strap was falling off her shoulder, her face flushed.
"What's happening?" Victoria called from another room.
"Just a war," Luna replied and promptly fetched her own pillow to join in.
---
Amber still wasn't completely comfortable with the way her fans loved her (Krystal had translated a few fan messages for her and while many told her how cute or pretty or talented they found her, there were some that went on to announce that she was making them question their sexuality, and Amber had no idea how to react to that). But she chalked it up to being a little uncomfortable with the idol industry as a whole; it was all new to her. She was sure she'd eventually get used to it. Idols, she were told, dealt with love confessions and sexual propositions on a daily basis.
And on the bright side, her outfits were always the most comfortable. She never had to worry if her ass was showing under her skirt, or if she might trip down the stairs in her heels. Her hair took ten minutes instead of thirty, and skin care was easy when she didn't have to cake on so much make-up night after night.
Another perk was that her sunbae were just as curious about her as fans were, and just as friendly and welcoming. Amber doubted she'd ever be interested in Henry, but it was fun to have someone else to talk to in a language that wasn't a struggle. Meeting Heechul was a little surreal, and Jessica was nearly as sweet as Krystal (but Amber was a little biased). The second best part of her career to date was when Han Geng (Han Geng! She'd had a Super Junior M poster on her wall at home the day the SM representative left her with a card) told her she looked cool backstage at Dream Concert.
The best part, Amber decided, was her band.
She could look like a boy and act like a girl with them; she could look like a girl and act like an idiot in front of them, and still Victoria would teach her Mandarin and Sulli would drag her to look at all the new fashions and Luna would watch all the horror flicks with her and Krystal would be her best friend.
And it would always be funny when she went out on the streets with one of them and people thought that they were "just the cutest couple ever."
Amber could deal with everything else as it came, with f(x) at her side. They, at least, would always see her for who she was. "Silly and hysterical," Krystal said, "and kind of like a meercat."
"It's a good thing your fans don't know what a freak you are," Amber said, "or they'd all abandon you to be my fans."
fandom: f(x)
character: amber
rating: PG
summary: amber isn't sure who it is the fans love.
The day SM Entertainment recruited her, Amber was having a horrible hair day. She was in her comfiest pair of jeans to make up for the fact that her skin was taking its cue from her hair to go haywire, wearing a bright blue shirt that had the words That's What She Said emblazoned across in white letters. Her baseball cap was tugged low over her face, and somehow the entire ensemble was apparently just what the representative was looking for.
The woman had thought she was a boy at first, stopping her and handing her a card. When she'd realized Amber was a girl, her eyes had widened briefly before slowly narrowing again.
"No, this will work, this will be a great concept..." She was suddenly all smiles and words again, and Amber felt like she hadn't even had time to breathe before her life had gotten swept out from under her and she'd ended up in Korea, joining a girl group as the - wait, what? - token boy.
---
"No, no, we're not making you a boy," her manager explained to her. "You're still a girl. You're just wearing boy clothes."
Amber was a little unsettled by the fact that she had a manager, and nodded dumbly along to the man's slow, awkward Mandarin. His English wasn't good enough to explain in her native language, and they'd tried to speak to her in Korean but even though she'd taken two years of the language, she certainly wasn't fluent by any means.
Her Mandarin wasn't great by any means, either, but at least she could comprehend basic ideas and sentences. Her parents tended to yell at her in Mandarin, after all.
But her grasp of languages wasn't the problem. Her confusion stemmed from the fact that she wasn't quite sure what the hell was going on.
"You're still a girl," her manager repeated helpfully. "You're just wearing boy clothes."
It turned out to be a little more than that.
---
It wasn't that Amber really had a problem wearing guy's clothing. Her style back home had tended towards jeans and t-shirts anyway, which were easy and comfortable and fun, especially when her t-shirts had creative things printed on them. She had never really gone for the short skirts and trendy tops some of her friends wore; she was built like a twelve-year-old boy, in her opinion, which made dressing in anything trendy and girly a little more difficult. Her friends had made her try on a cute green top once during a shopping trip and Amber had stared at herself in the mirror and thought wryly that it would work better if she had boobs.
So jeans and t-shirts were her standard fare; it didn't faze her that her company wanted to dress her in jeans and baggy shirts and baseball caps. She didn't even mind being given the "boy" role to the other members: holding open their car doors, escorting them from one place to another. It was kind of funny and she did like the way Krystal giggled and played along, exaggerating their roles with a curtsey. Her haircut was a little annoying because she preferred seeing out of two eyes instead of only one, but it was bearable. When she wasn't on stage, she tended to have her bangs clipped back or tucked behind her ear in any case.
In the end, it wasn't really her concept that bothered her. She liked Luna and Sulli and she really liked Krystal and Victoria. She liked her band and even though all the dance rehearsals and language classes were hard work, she still preferred it over school.
In the end, it was her own rapid popularity that bothered Amber.
She didn't want to sound ungrateful, because she knew she was lucky that f(x) had debuted so successfully, and she was lucky that fans had taken to her so quickly. In an industry where success was measured by the number of people screaming your name, Amber knew she should be thankful for the number of people who were so eager to learn hers.
But the problem was that she didn't think they were screaming for her.
They were screaming for an image, a concept, of a pretty-looking boy. They liked her because she was the perfect counterpoint to beautiful Victoria and classy Luna and pretty Krystal and cute Sulli. They loved her because she was like a perfect boy, but better because she wasn't. She wasn't a real threat to their pretty girl idols, and when said pretty girl idols got close to her, it wasn't a real threat either.
Amber didn't mind the jeans and the boots and the leather jackets; she didn't mind the men's hanbok or the boyish haircut. What she minded was the feeling that no one really bothered to look past the stereotypes to see the real her. The one who still liked girly romance movies along with all the Jackie Chan movies; the one who still daydreamed about a boy who would take her out and make her laugh (though maybe the daydreams involved fewer flowers and beaches, and more water guns and video games, but still, she dreamed); the one who sometimes stood in front of a mirror and wished she had the figure and the grace to carry off a lacy top or high heels.
She didn't mind that they loved her boyish image, but she wondered if they would ever see her for more than that.
---
She was best friends with Krystal out of all the members, if for no other reason than a common language. But Krystal reminded her of one of her best friends back home: someone girly, but outspoken, someone who wore make-up and hated horror movies but could still terrorize boys twice her size if she tried. She was someone Amber admired a lot, because of her differences, not in spite of them.
"You could put on a dress and heels and looking stunning," Krystal suggested when Amber finally talked to her. She sat cross-legged on Amber's bed, her hair tied back in a ponytail. "Shock them all. Prove them all wrong."
"I don't want to put on a dress and prove them wrong," Amber protested. "I look like crap in dresses. But that's not even the point. I don't like dresses." She dangled her legs off the side of the bed, kicking them restlessly. "I just want them to see that I'm more than a girl who looks like a guy who raps."
"Of course you're more than that."
"But I don't think they see that." Amber sighed, frustrated, and flopped back. The mattress bounced a little under her weight and she felt Krystal shift to face her.
"You should read the messages fans post about you," Krystal said. "Well, okay, they're in Korean. You can't. But, Amber, they like you 'cause they think you're cute. Not because they think you're a guy."
"They think I'm cute because I look like a guy," Amber grumbled.
Krystal hit her with a pillow. "Don't be so negative. If they could hear you, they'd know what a girl you were." She laughed as Amber made a disgruntled face and tossed the pillow back at her. "You should just start dating Henry - that'll remind everyone you're a girl."
Amber laughed. "Or they'll just think Henry's secretly gay."
They dissolved into giggles at the thought, and Krystal snatched another pillow to instigate a pillow fight. Luna poked her head into the room five minutes later in search of the source of all the shrieking. She found them jumping across the beds and tripping over sheets, armed with pillows and beating each other with all of their strength. Amber's hair was crazed and slipping out of the clip she'd pulled her bangs back with; Krystal's tank top strap was falling off her shoulder, her face flushed.
"What's happening?" Victoria called from another room.
"Just a war," Luna replied and promptly fetched her own pillow to join in.
---
Amber still wasn't completely comfortable with the way her fans loved her (Krystal had translated a few fan messages for her and while many told her how cute or pretty or talented they found her, there were some that went on to announce that she was making them question their sexuality, and Amber had no idea how to react to that). But she chalked it up to being a little uncomfortable with the idol industry as a whole; it was all new to her. She was sure she'd eventually get used to it. Idols, she were told, dealt with love confessions and sexual propositions on a daily basis.
And on the bright side, her outfits were always the most comfortable. She never had to worry if her ass was showing under her skirt, or if she might trip down the stairs in her heels. Her hair took ten minutes instead of thirty, and skin care was easy when she didn't have to cake on so much make-up night after night.
Another perk was that her sunbae were just as curious about her as fans were, and just as friendly and welcoming. Amber doubted she'd ever be interested in Henry, but it was fun to have someone else to talk to in a language that wasn't a struggle. Meeting Heechul was a little surreal, and Jessica was nearly as sweet as Krystal (but Amber was a little biased). The second best part of her career to date was when Han Geng (Han Geng! She'd had a Super Junior M poster on her wall at home the day the SM representative left her with a card) told her she looked cool backstage at Dream Concert.
The best part, Amber decided, was her band.
She could look like a boy and act like a girl with them; she could look like a girl and act like an idiot in front of them, and still Victoria would teach her Mandarin and Sulli would drag her to look at all the new fashions and Luna would watch all the horror flicks with her and Krystal would be her best friend.
And it would always be funny when she went out on the streets with one of them and people thought that they were "just the cutest couple ever."
Amber could deal with everything else as it came, with f(x) at her side. They, at least, would always see her for who she was. "Silly and hysterical," Krystal said, "and kind of like a meercat."
"It's a good thing your fans don't know what a freak you are," Amber said, "or they'd all abandon you to be my fans."