Pagan Event and the Aftermath
During the last weekend of September, I was camping out in Central Mass for Dark Moon Rising, which focused on the intersection of BDSM and pagan spirituality. It took place at Cauldron Farm, a farm (duh!) and homestead in Central Mass. Through the kindness of the organizer, I was able to find transportation to there from Boston. Here is my account of things...
Friday, September 25
The morning of, I was running on little sleep and trying frantically to get all my stuff together so that I would be ready to go when my ride arrived at my apartment. By the time my ride was supposed to arrive, I was still not ready. Gloriously, however, it turned out that she was running an hour behind schedule, so she would not be there until 11am -- rather than 10, as originally planned. With that extra cushion of time, I was able to get my shit together and be sufficiently ready as she arrived.
We had a nice long sojourn to Central Mass, being able to converse a bit along the way, in spite of my own shyness and introversion. We also stopped along the way to pick up another attendee. As I overheard their conversation, I started to learn a bit more about the kinds of spiritual beliefs held by those who involve themselves at Cauldron Farm, such as the belief in multiple deities who are often very intimately involved in people's lives, offering blessings and making demands. It was clear that, whatever is going on with these people, it's very serious!
I arrived at the farm and was taken away with how everything looked. Things looked a bit disorganized, messy, and overgrown, but in a very dignified sort of way. I'm drawn to use the phrase "rustic dignity." Also, having grown up in the rural southern U.S., I was used to seeing farm-type settings with things looking a bit run-down and over-grown, with various types of equipment laying around, so there was that added element of the comfort of the familiar.
I did not yet want to lug my equipment down to the main field, so I just wandered down the rocky path, taking in the beauty of the natural surroundings. What struck me more, however, were the various "things" I saw erected along the path, stuff like a post in the ground surrounded by a circle of stones. When I got out to the field itself and saw the maypole, standing stones, god-poles, stang, and other elements of the space, I was really hit by the mystical "feel" of the place. (For me, it was largely an emotional/aesthetic reaction, as I tend not to feel energy on nearly the level as do other denizens of Cauldron Farm.) It made me feel a desire to fill my own home and living space with items that have magical or spiritual significance upon my return.
I started to mingle with some of the other people who were already there, and one of them showed me around the field. I was most impressed by the labyrinth, which I was told people often walk in order to find the answers to questions. Thus, I was determined to walk it at some point during my visit. Eventually, I went and got my stuff, and I carted it down to the field to start setting up. I also went and got a tent that glowroper was kind enough to lend me. (Later that night, he actually went even further and lent me several other items that were extremely helpful to me in making it through the weekend. If you are reading this, then once again, thank you!)
Later that evening, I ended up attending a class on magical uses of bodily fluids and then eating dinner and socializing with the other attendees. Following that was a rather intense ritual that acted out a classic story from Greek mythology -- only it was the Cauldron Farm version, with all the intensity that such a designation entails. It was very well done, and the persons involved really brought the story to life in a way starkly different from how I'd always envisioned it myself. In fact, the more I think about it, if/when the events of the story took place, it was probably a lot closer to the Cauldron Farm version that most modern accounts of mythology would ever dare admit.
Once that was over, I hung out with the others for a while before eventually heading to bed.
Saturday, September 26
I got up the next morning to get my eating items together and head out to the field to heat up my breakfast of coffee (Nescafe!) and lox and bagels. (Incidentally, I had mentioned lox and bagels specifically in a post to the FetLife group, and when I got to the event, suddenly everyone had lox and bagels. I have the power!) It was very nice indeed; I *heart* lox and bagels!
After that, I spent the rest of the day attending classes and just chillin'. I attended classes on blood magic, celibacy (not my thing but still very interesting), and personal inner darkness. All were very interesting, but I have found myself thinking most heavily about the "inner darkness" class; in it, we all talked about the parts of our souls and psyches that we hide from others -- and ourselves! We discussed how we can not only learn to accept these parts of ourselves but also actually value and honor that. We talked about various ways in which that inner darkness can be a source of strength and perseverance, while also admitting to the negative aspects. Ever since then, I've been contemplating my own "dark" aspects, thinking about how I can recognize and acknowledge those parts of myself, and brainstorming ways to give them room to breathe without letting them take over. Very heavy stuff!
At one point during the afternoon, I took an opportunity to actually walk the labyrinth. I ended up asking the labyrinth a question about a bad relationship I'd been in over a year ago, one that continues to torment me on some level. I asked about the meaning of experience and my way forward. As I walked the labyrinth, I thought hard about things and actually took notes about what I was thinking. By the time I made it to the center and then walked my way back out, I had some pretty substantial info.
That night, I spent more time with the other attendees around the fire. They had the second half of the ritual, which was also powerful, though in a different way. Great stuff! As the night progressed, two other guys and I took off all our clothes and took over the fire-tending responsibilities, dragging wood over and poking the fire. Me and one of the other guys ended up going off to play for a bit. Although it was cold and I only had a few of my toys, we managed to have a good time!
Overall, a great day...my only complaint being that I got to bed late, but oh well!
Sunday, September 27
Getting up that morning was rather unpleasant because it was raining, so I ended up having to pack up all my stuff and take down the tent in the rain -- gah! Still, I managed to get everything together and to the tarp-covered area. Within a couple of hours, I was all set and feeling better. The last session I attended was that morning, and it covered spiritual D/s; on the whole, I found it very informative, as it might feed into my future relationship(s) on some level.
For the rest of the day, I hung around until someone took me to the train station to ride back into Boston. Though I was looking forward to getting back home, I was also sad to leave.
The Aftermath
Even after leaving Cauldron Farm, I could feel myself having developed a much greater awareness of and interest in being more spiritually and magically engaged, somehow. Like, I want to make more magical crafts and put them up around my apartment. I started to collect a lot of my old necklaces, beads, and other trinkets, and I'm starting to envision how they might be turned into magical items for protection and positive energy. In particular, I'm interested in various forms of kitchen witchery.
Another thing that happened was that I developed a greater interest in being involved with particular deities. While I do not want to be a shaman, a god-slave, or anything else of that sort, I am interested in developing some type of relationship with one or more. At first, I was finding myself interested mainly in Greek and Celtic deities like Athena, Hestia, Hecate, Brigid, and Ceridwen. Indeed, I have started developing relationships with Athena, Hestia, and Brigid. I ask Athena for help with my academic endeavors, and I ask Hestia and Brigid to bless my home and household magic. I have a modest shrine to Athena on my bookshelf and to Hestia and Brigid on the stove in my kitchenette.
However, I am starting to find myself drawn to the Northern Tradition, as understood by the folks at Cauldron Farm. If you don't know, "Northern Tradition" refers to traditions such as Norse paganism and Siberian shamanism; interpret "northern tradition" in the most literal way possible! :-) I am finding myself drawn to some aspects of Norse paganism. In particular, I have noticed myself becoming more interested in the trickster god Loki. Loki is known for making mischief and disrupting everyday business when things become too stagnant; I, too, have a knack for starting some shit when it seems to me that others are being too complacent or unconcerned. I also admire Loki's ability to deliver cutting retorts to, well, whomever he chooses. Could this be the beginning of a deity relationship? Only time will tell...
For now, I have some things I'm doing to further my spiritual path. I have gotten into the habit of praying in the morning and before bed, and I am trying to meditate once a day. I also plan to get a shamanic reading from Raven Kaldera this next week, and I hope he will provide some insight into the deity question, among other things. Finally, I plan to go back to Cauldron Farm for their Samhain observation.
So, yeah, that's about it. I felt my life changing since the summer began, anyway, and it feels like the trip to Cauldron Farm kind of "jump-started" things a bit. Now how about that?
Friday, September 25
The morning of, I was running on little sleep and trying frantically to get all my stuff together so that I would be ready to go when my ride arrived at my apartment. By the time my ride was supposed to arrive, I was still not ready. Gloriously, however, it turned out that she was running an hour behind schedule, so she would not be there until 11am -- rather than 10, as originally planned. With that extra cushion of time, I was able to get my shit together and be sufficiently ready as she arrived.
We had a nice long sojourn to Central Mass, being able to converse a bit along the way, in spite of my own shyness and introversion. We also stopped along the way to pick up another attendee. As I overheard their conversation, I started to learn a bit more about the kinds of spiritual beliefs held by those who involve themselves at Cauldron Farm, such as the belief in multiple deities who are often very intimately involved in people's lives, offering blessings and making demands. It was clear that, whatever is going on with these people, it's very serious!
I arrived at the farm and was taken away with how everything looked. Things looked a bit disorganized, messy, and overgrown, but in a very dignified sort of way. I'm drawn to use the phrase "rustic dignity." Also, having grown up in the rural southern U.S., I was used to seeing farm-type settings with things looking a bit run-down and over-grown, with various types of equipment laying around, so there was that added element of the comfort of the familiar.
I did not yet want to lug my equipment down to the main field, so I just wandered down the rocky path, taking in the beauty of the natural surroundings. What struck me more, however, were the various "things" I saw erected along the path, stuff like a post in the ground surrounded by a circle of stones. When I got out to the field itself and saw the maypole, standing stones, god-poles, stang, and other elements of the space, I was really hit by the mystical "feel" of the place. (For me, it was largely an emotional/aesthetic reaction, as I tend not to feel energy on nearly the level as do other denizens of Cauldron Farm.) It made me feel a desire to fill my own home and living space with items that have magical or spiritual significance upon my return.
I started to mingle with some of the other people who were already there, and one of them showed me around the field. I was most impressed by the labyrinth, which I was told people often walk in order to find the answers to questions. Thus, I was determined to walk it at some point during my visit. Eventually, I went and got my stuff, and I carted it down to the field to start setting up. I also went and got a tent that glowroper was kind enough to lend me. (Later that night, he actually went even further and lent me several other items that were extremely helpful to me in making it through the weekend. If you are reading this, then once again, thank you!)
Later that evening, I ended up attending a class on magical uses of bodily fluids and then eating dinner and socializing with the other attendees. Following that was a rather intense ritual that acted out a classic story from Greek mythology -- only it was the Cauldron Farm version, with all the intensity that such a designation entails. It was very well done, and the persons involved really brought the story to life in a way starkly different from how I'd always envisioned it myself. In fact, the more I think about it, if/when the events of the story took place, it was probably a lot closer to the Cauldron Farm version that most modern accounts of mythology would ever dare admit.
Once that was over, I hung out with the others for a while before eventually heading to bed.
Saturday, September 26
I got up the next morning to get my eating items together and head out to the field to heat up my breakfast of coffee (Nescafe!) and lox and bagels. (Incidentally, I had mentioned lox and bagels specifically in a post to the FetLife group, and when I got to the event, suddenly everyone had lox and bagels. I have the power!) It was very nice indeed; I *heart* lox and bagels!
After that, I spent the rest of the day attending classes and just chillin'. I attended classes on blood magic, celibacy (not my thing but still very interesting), and personal inner darkness. All were very interesting, but I have found myself thinking most heavily about the "inner darkness" class; in it, we all talked about the parts of our souls and psyches that we hide from others -- and ourselves! We discussed how we can not only learn to accept these parts of ourselves but also actually value and honor that. We talked about various ways in which that inner darkness can be a source of strength and perseverance, while also admitting to the negative aspects. Ever since then, I've been contemplating my own "dark" aspects, thinking about how I can recognize and acknowledge those parts of myself, and brainstorming ways to give them room to breathe without letting them take over. Very heavy stuff!
At one point during the afternoon, I took an opportunity to actually walk the labyrinth. I ended up asking the labyrinth a question about a bad relationship I'd been in over a year ago, one that continues to torment me on some level. I asked about the meaning of experience and my way forward. As I walked the labyrinth, I thought hard about things and actually took notes about what I was thinking. By the time I made it to the center and then walked my way back out, I had some pretty substantial info.
That night, I spent more time with the other attendees around the fire. They had the second half of the ritual, which was also powerful, though in a different way. Great stuff! As the night progressed, two other guys and I took off all our clothes and took over the fire-tending responsibilities, dragging wood over and poking the fire. Me and one of the other guys ended up going off to play for a bit. Although it was cold and I only had a few of my toys, we managed to have a good time!
Overall, a great day...my only complaint being that I got to bed late, but oh well!
Sunday, September 27
Getting up that morning was rather unpleasant because it was raining, so I ended up having to pack up all my stuff and take down the tent in the rain -- gah! Still, I managed to get everything together and to the tarp-covered area. Within a couple of hours, I was all set and feeling better. The last session I attended was that morning, and it covered spiritual D/s; on the whole, I found it very informative, as it might feed into my future relationship(s) on some level.
For the rest of the day, I hung around until someone took me to the train station to ride back into Boston. Though I was looking forward to getting back home, I was also sad to leave.
The Aftermath
Even after leaving Cauldron Farm, I could feel myself having developed a much greater awareness of and interest in being more spiritually and magically engaged, somehow. Like, I want to make more magical crafts and put them up around my apartment. I started to collect a lot of my old necklaces, beads, and other trinkets, and I'm starting to envision how they might be turned into magical items for protection and positive energy. In particular, I'm interested in various forms of kitchen witchery.
Another thing that happened was that I developed a greater interest in being involved with particular deities. While I do not want to be a shaman, a god-slave, or anything else of that sort, I am interested in developing some type of relationship with one or more. At first, I was finding myself interested mainly in Greek and Celtic deities like Athena, Hestia, Hecate, Brigid, and Ceridwen. Indeed, I have started developing relationships with Athena, Hestia, and Brigid. I ask Athena for help with my academic endeavors, and I ask Hestia and Brigid to bless my home and household magic. I have a modest shrine to Athena on my bookshelf and to Hestia and Brigid on the stove in my kitchenette.
However, I am starting to find myself drawn to the Northern Tradition, as understood by the folks at Cauldron Farm. If you don't know, "Northern Tradition" refers to traditions such as Norse paganism and Siberian shamanism; interpret "northern tradition" in the most literal way possible! :-) I am finding myself drawn to some aspects of Norse paganism. In particular, I have noticed myself becoming more interested in the trickster god Loki. Loki is known for making mischief and disrupting everyday business when things become too stagnant; I, too, have a knack for starting some shit when it seems to me that others are being too complacent or unconcerned. I also admire Loki's ability to deliver cutting retorts to, well, whomever he chooses. Could this be the beginning of a deity relationship? Only time will tell...
For now, I have some things I'm doing to further my spiritual path. I have gotten into the habit of praying in the morning and before bed, and I am trying to meditate once a day. I also plan to get a shamanic reading from Raven Kaldera this next week, and I hope he will provide some insight into the deity question, among other things. Finally, I plan to go back to Cauldron Farm for their Samhain observation.
So, yeah, that's about it. I felt my life changing since the summer began, anyway, and it feels like the trip to Cauldron Farm kind of "jump-started" things a bit. Now how about that?