Fic: Mr. Spectacular
“Let me be really clear about something. I really, really care about you.”
He only realizes the gravity of the sentiment as the words slip from his mouth. It’s entirely true, not simply a lie to placate Kurt. Lying requires premeditation. He’s speaking from his heart, not his head.
He really does care about Kurt, but it’s not something he’s actively thought about until this moment. The bond between them had formed so naturally that thinking (or more accurately, over-thinking) hadn’t even been a factor in their relationship. He and Kurt simply work. They have similar pasts, share the same love for silly but somehow important things - like Vogue covers & singing - and they go to the same school. That’s as far as he’s gotten - which actually is strange considering that he’s well known for his over-thinking. Just ask Wes or David; though honestly, the whole Jeremiah debacle should be all the proof anyone needs.
He’s been such an idiot, wasting all this time chasing after some other guy, when he's had Kurt right in front of him the whole time. Kurt - who makes him laugh on a minute to minute basis. Kurt - who's challenged him and the rest of The Warblers not to rely on their reputation to carry them through. Kurt - who is the last person he wants to talk to every night and the first person he wants to see every morning.
How could he possibly have been so clueless? Not just to Kurt's feelings, but to his own. Its then that fear strikes his heart.
“But as you and twenty mortified shoppers saw, I'm not very good at romance. I don't wanna screw this up."
God, fucking up his relationship with Kurt is the last thing he wants - ever. Now that he's had a moment to think about it, there's no relationship in his life that he'd fight harder for than this one. Kurt has quickly become his confidant, encourager and best friend and that's not something he's just willing to give up on. It's also something he doesn't want to break. They have a good thing going.
Making the leap from just friends to boyfriends is a dangerous move - and something he doesn't, honestly, know the first thing about. He's never been someone's boyfriend and Kurt deserves a guy who knows all the little tricks to being someone's someone. He needs Mr. Spectacular, a guy who can love him the way he deserves to be loved.
Blaine is oblivious, overly emotional and inexperienced. None of which are adjectives that describe a 'spectacular' boyfriend.
He really hates that he's suddenly realized his feelings for Kurt, because he's not giving up this friendship. But now he's going to have to live each day laughing at Kurt's jokes and thumbing through the latest issue of Vogue together and falling asleep every night texting him without feeling any more than he should. Because he's not good enough, not ready to be with Kurt.
Maybe someday he'll become the spectacular man Kurt's been waiting for all these years. Unfortunately for him, that day is not today.