The Nightmares Are Real, 1
The Nightmares Are Real
Author: heartsdesire456
Rating: R for language and content
POV: 3rd
Pairing: Vampire!Adam/Ghost!Tommy
Summary: All the folklore, all the stories, all the legends… none of them came close to the reality. After an attack on the night of his 29th birthday robbed him of his life and, even more tragically, the most important thing in the world to him, Adam Lambert decided that the only way to get justice against those who destroyed him was to exact it himself. However, Adam may not be as alone in the world as he feared.
Disclaimer: Not mine, total work of fiction, blah blah blah
WARNINGS: Character death (Duh!), character un-death, violence, small amounts of gore.
Author's Note: After a long time writing this fic on and off, I am delighted to share this with you all. This fic came to me in a split second 'hey...' and I began it right there. Though the warnings are for character death and undeath, and though you WILL cry (probably multiple times) if you have a single ounce of empathy in you (or, you know, a heart at all), I promise the ending isn't sad and that this story will warm your heart in some spots.
The title and part-titles are from one of my favorite films as a kid... I was just finishing this fic at 3:30am and was desperately trying to think of a title and the first thing that popped in my head was the song "In The Dark of The Night" from the film Anastasia(HERE)...yes, the Title is changed a bit, but whatever! Same idea!
Adam stood in the corner, staring at the front of the room as mourners passed one by one to look into the casket. He felt cold. He’d felt nothing but cold recently, but the cold he felt was different to the cold he was growing accustomed to. Adam knew that everything he had ever heard was a lie. All the folklore, all the stories, all the legends… none of them came close to the reality.
”Adam!” Tommy cried, laughing as he tugged away, running ahead. “Come on, stop!” he cried, only to squeal somewhat as Adam chased after him, catching him before spinning them around.
Tommy laughed and wrapped his arms around Adam’s neck, smiling brightly when Adam stopped spinning and set him down on his feet. “Come on, we’re going to be late,” he said, snapping at Adam’s nose playfully.
Adam smiled, leaning their heads together. “Hey, I’m the one the party’s for, baby, I’m allowed to be late.”
Tommy smiled and pulled Adam into a small kiss. “Just think, you’ll be thirty in just one year,” he said, and Adam whined.
“Don’t remind me,” he said, smiling as he leaned down for another kiss. “Promise you’ll still love me when I’m thirty?”
Tommy smiled coquettishly and nodded, pressing their foreheads together again. “I’ll love you for the rest of time, Babyboy.”
Adam sighed and nodded. “Promise?”
Tommy nodded, smiling. “Promise.”
Adam closed his eyes, feeling a wave of nausea come over him. He looked up again and felt his eyes widen and his heart drop as he saw the woman who had suffered so much loss at such a young age being led up to the casket, where she promptly burst into sobs for the thousandth time. Adam wanted to go comfort her, he wanted to say something to her, but it wasn’t just her pain he was afraid of making worse.
He felt a hand on his arm and looked over, smiling sadly when he saw Monte and Lisa standing there. “Hey,” Monte said, and Adam took a shaky breath.
“Hey,” he said softly.
Lisa just bit her lip. “Adam,” she started and he just shook his head. She walked over and wrapped her arms around his waist in a hug. Adam felt his throat closing as he hugged her back, suddenly glad he didn’t require the oxygen he was being deprived of anymore.
Monte slapped his arm in an attempt at a friendly nudge. “So, how are you holding up so far?” he asked, then paled. “With your- not with this, of course, but with the changes,” he said softly.
Adam sighed, letting his head fall. “I can’t even walk over there because every time people hug me, I have to stop breathing,” he said, and Lisa cringed, looking apologetic. “If I go over there, I’ll have a billion hugs and just as much temptation.”
Monte nodded. “How is the deal with the butcher?” he asked.
Adam smiled weakly. “I’m coping. It’s the best I can hope for.” He shuddered. “I am not ever going to hurt anybody, Monte. All the stories talk about losing your soul and losing your conscience, but it’s all lies,” he said, then shuddered, adopting a pained look. “Even if I did want to… I know firsthand what-“
Monte nodded. “I know.” He smiled sadly. “Now, how are you coping?” he asked softly.
Adam clenched his jaw. “The world is colder now,” he admitted weakly, chancing a glance up at the far end of the room. “Everything’s darker and it isn’t just my sunglasses… it’s the world. All my senses may be heightened now, but somehow I only feel numb. Neil says everything- the cold, the dark, the numb, the dulled colors- he says it’s all because of what I am now, but-“
Monte shook his head sadly. “It’s not.” He let out a heavy sigh. “The world does seem a lot emptier now, doesn’t it?” he asked weakly.
Adam couldn’t tell someone if they asked him later what exactly it was about Monte’s words that broke the veil around him, but he suddenly felt a rush of everything that was missing hit him like a wall of water crashing over rocks. He felt his shoulders begin to shake as he acknowledged what warmth was missing from his life. He could feel his heart, which hadn’t stopped beating, begin to thud faster as he realized where the light that was missing had gone. He could feel a lump growing in his throat as he pictured all the colors, those shades that could never be matched by anything else, that were now gone. The final break in the dam came when the pain which had been numbed suddenly swept through Adam, seeming to start from his very core and spread outwards to every inch of his body, causing him to burst into tears for the first time since he first woke up and remembered what had happened.
Monte and Lisa both watched helplessly as one of the strongest, most resilient people they had ever met finally broke, hidden away in a dark corner away from the rest of the mourners, most of who had no clue how bad the pain of loss they all felt could ever be magnified.
Adam and Tommy were nearly to the party, having wasted a good bit of time stopping to kiss and tease each other and play ‘you can’t catch me’ the entire walk there, when they heard movement off to their left. Tommy glanced over and Adam frowned when Tommy looked back forward. “Let’s just keep walking, it’s just some punks looking for trouble,” he muttered.
Adam had instinctively tightened his arm around Tommy’s waist, blushing when Tommy gave him a teasing smile. “What? You’re very valuable to me and thugs are usually after stealing valuables,” he joked somewhat nervously.
As they continued on, being followed, they spotted a girl smoking a cigarette just ahead. Tommy frowned. “Hey, you shouldn’t be around here alone this time of night. This is a pretty tough neighborhood!” he called out to her.
She looked up and grinned. “Yeah, I know,” she said, then stepped from the shadows into the light. Adam gasped, pulling them both to a stop as he saw blood on the girl’s face and arms.
Tommy gasped. “Holy shit,” he cried, grabbing Adam’s hand tightly. Her eyes were completely black and as she snarled menacingly, Tommy spotted her elongated canines. “She’s a-“
Adam shook his head. “Vampires aren’t real!” he said disbelievingly, only to shout as he heard a chain rattling behind him. He turned his head and gasped as he saw four large men behind them, all of them stained with blood. “This is a joke, right, vampires aren’t real-“
Tommy turned and quickly he and Adam started looking around for any escape, still holding onto each other tightly. “Oh shit, that’s it, I’m never laughing at another vampire film ever, I swear to God,” he said, and Adam glanced at him with a disbelieving look.
“That is your main worry now?” he asked, and Tommy cringed.
“Any other idea’s, Ads?” he asked, and Adam shook his head weakly, terror mounting as the girl came closer from one side and the gang from the other. “I see it this way, TommyJoe… one vampire girl this way and four vampire guys that way,” he said, and Tommy nodded.
“I think I see your point,” he said, then bit his lip, looking up at him. “Start running and don’t stop for anything. If I fall behind, keep going, your legs are longer so you have the better chance,” he said quickly and quietly.
Adam shook his head. “Tommy, I’m not running away without you holding my hand,” he said, and Tommy glared.
“Adam, I’ll be fine, but don’t stop and don’t look back,” he said quickly.
Adam just nodded. “Count of three?” he asked, and Tommy nodded, counting down.
“-two, THREE!” They both tore out running towards the girl, managing to startle her enough to get past. Adam, despite being larger, did have the longer legs so he quickly managed to pull ahead. He had every confidence (or maybe it was blind hope?) that Tommy was just behind him. However, when he was nearly at the main road, he heard Tommy cry out and couldn’t keep going.
Adam turned and looked back, only to scream when he saw the girl had Tommy pinned down to the sidewalk, holding his arms while she sat on top of him and one of the men was hovering over him. “TOMMY!” he screamed, only to hear a cry of agony from him. “No!” he cried, ignoring Tommy’s instructions as he turned and ran back. “Get off of him!” he cried desperately, rushing towards them, only to miss the other three men.
“Look, we’ve got them both now!” one guy cheered, holding Adam firmly, despite his desperate struggling.
“Adam- AH! I said run!” Tommy managed to get out, still fighting off the man who was biting him. “Oh God,” he cried, then screamed in pain.
Adam felt everything in him fighting to help Tommy. “Please, stop! Let him go!” he cried, struggling so hard that the one guy called for another vampire to help him. “Tommy, I can’t-“
The girl smirked, shoving off the one drinking from Tommy. “Wait, he’s your lover!” she cried with a sadistic smirk. She stood and Adam panicked when he saw how pale Tommy was and noticed that, as he fought to crawl away, he was barely able to lift himself to his elbows and roll onto his front. She smirked and snatched Tommy up by his hair, holding him against her as he sagged.
“No, don’t hurt him,” he gasped out, looking at Adam. “Adam, I-“
“Tommy!” Adam cried desperately. “Let him go, please!” he begged, only to scream in pain as a burning sensation not unlike a molten rod of iron stabbing into his shoulder overcame him. He felt himself growing weaker, crying out in misery as the vampire bit again, readjusting his position. When he was so weak he could barely stand, the vampire stopped and the woman’s sadistic smirk returned. “Please,” he sobbed and she shook her head.
“Now you can’t stop me,” she said, sinking her fangs into Tommy’s throat. He cried out weakly, but froze, eyes going wide as Adam stared in horror.
“Adam,” he whispered and Adam gasped as he saw how much blood was pouring out of Tommy’s throat that she wasn’t able to catch.
“Tommy,” he sobbed, watching Tommy’s face slacken somewhat. “Tommy, please-“
Tommy’s eyes fluttered. “Ada- love…so- so-“ Adam let out a sob as Tommy’s lips fell apart once again and the final light went out of his eyes. The girl continued sucking before finally smirking and simply tossing him to the ground unceremoniously.
Adam let out a shaky breath as he realized what had just happened in front of him. His cry turned from one of anguish to one of agony as he was once again bitten, this time by more than one person in more than one spot.
The last thing Adam remembered seeing was the face of the woman who had just taken everything from him right before his eyes.
“Adam,” Monte said softly. “Adam, look… you have to at least speak to her,” he said, stroking his friend’s back as he regained composure. Adam sighed, but nodded, clearing his throat. “Good luck,” Monte said.
Adam took a deep breath and then stopped breathing as he strode forward through the people milling around. He knew eyes were on him, but he didn’t want them to be. As he approached Dia, she looked up and saw him, eyes widening. “Hi,” he said weakly, examining her face. He could sense, looking at her, that if anybody understood how he felt, she was the only one who felt it even worse.
She walked over and sighed, sliding her arms around his middle. Adam closed his eyes, hugging her. “Adam, I was so worried you wouldn’t be here. Nobody seems to have seen you lately,” she said, and Adam cringed.
“I just- I couldn’t… I can’t-“ He struggled for the words, but she just shook her head.
“I know what you mean,” she said, and he slumped.
“I’m so sorry, I can’t even begin-“ he started to babble, voice tightening.
“Adam,” she cut him off, biting her lip as she managed a pained smile. “Thank you,” she whispered.
Adam frowned. “What?” he asked weakly, and she took a shaky breath, glancing at the casket Adam had yet to look at too closely.
Dia took his hands in hers and tugged him down beside her. He sat and waited and she smiled a genuine smile. “You made him so happy,” she whispered, and Adam felt himself crumple as the tears came again. She pulled him into a hug and, for once, Adam didn’t pull away quickly. Nothing in the world could fill his thoughts other than a wave of love and gratitude for the woman.
“Oh my God, I miss him,” he choked out, face pressed into her shoulder. “I- I can’t even-“ He let out a soft sob. “Somehow-“ he sniffled. “Somehow I feel like you’re the only other person that could possibly feel more pain than I have every second of every day since-“ he swallowed thickly, unable to even finish his thoughts.
She chuckled wetly, pulling away to wipe at his cheek. “Yeah, that’s sort of how I figured it would have to be… I know nothing can compare to losing my baby, but I know how it feels to lose the person I love, too, so I can imagine,” she said, and Adam let out a weak sob. “Oh baby, shhh,” she said, and he shook his head.
“I can’t,” he whispered weakly, and she nodded.
“I know.”
Adam shook his head weakly. “How- how do I- how long will it feel like this?” he asked in a small voice, not caring if he sounded crazy. “Like I never want to open my eyes again?”
She sighed, shaking her head. “A long time, but not forever,” she reassured and Adam leaned over, putting his face in his hands. He had so much he felt like saying, but knew that every word of it would only make things worse. She put a hand on his shoulder. “Are you gonna…” she nodded at the front of the room, and Adam bit his lip, looking for a long time, before slowly shaking his head. She raised an eyebrow and Adam sniffled.
“I can’t-“ He took a moment and started again. “I’ve thought about it since I’ve been here and- and I think I don’t want to-“ he swallowed thickly. “I don’t want to remember him like that,” he whispered, and she nodded, biting her lip. “But-“ he sighed. “I don’t know.”
“Whatever you think, baby,” she said, and Adam looked down.
“I just-“
She grabbed his hand. “What is it baby?” she asked.
Adam looked up. “I don’t want that to be how I remember him… but at the same time- at the same time, I don’t want to regret not- not looking at him one last time,” he breathed weakly. “I- I mean… I didn’t ever think- I never thought the last time I saw him-“
She nodded. “That it would be the last time?” she asked, and he let out a weak sob. “Whatever you think.”
After a few minutes, he nodded. “Will,” he reached out and grabbed her hand. “Will you come with me?” he asked and she nodded, watching him with a curious look.
When he walked to the front, holding his breath, he saw a lot of faces looking at him with nothing buy sympathy in their gazes. As he and Dia neared the front, he paused, then took the first slow step, forcing himself to keep moving. When they got there, he closed his eyes as he faced the casket, then opened them slowly.
The feeling that hit Adam was almost more than he could bare, but a few things helped distract him from the pain that was trying to break him. He sniffled and smiled weakly. Tommy looked asleep. There was no sign of the bites on his neck as he was wearing a scarf, and he simply looked like he was sleeping. The thing that broke through the pain, however, was the last thing Adam expected to be seeing again.
He huffed out a surprised little laugh. “Oh wow,” he said, looking at the passport pouch Lane had teasingly gotten him to wear around his neck after he lost his. It was lying on his chest, around his neck one last time. Adam could see the passport in it and smiled, sniffling. “Well, at least he sure as hell won’t lose it now,” he said, and Dia laughed softly, looking surprised at her own laughter.
“I’ll be damned.” Adam turned quickly, eyes widening as he saw several people who had been on tour with them walking up beside him. Taylor looked up at Adam from beside him and nudged him. “At least he won’t get stranded at immigration,” he said, and Adam let out a wet laugh.
“Yeah, there is that,” he said, smiling sadly at so many of their friends, who were all sharing a small laugh. He chuckled wetly. “I wonder if there’s a customs inspection on the way into heaven?” he joked, and Dia smiled at him, squeezing his hand.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adam wasn’t a fan of funerals. Nobody enjoyed going to them, but he hated them in principle. They made it even sadder than it already was. It was so superficial to have such a hardnosed, formal, run-of-the-mill, ‘we lost a dear one early in life’, generic funeral and a plain, impersonal ‘ashes to ashes’ burial for someone who had been so vibrant and had broke all semblances of ‘generic’ in their lifetime. Adam spent the entire funeral thinking Tommy would’ve rather had them throw a party to end all parties and get drunk off their asses in memory of him, not stand around a hole in the ground as a preacher spoke about ‘life is fleeting’ at the burial of an atheist.
Adam stood near the front beside Dia, defiantly wearing Tommy’s favorite outfit, annoyed older relatives be damned. He hated every second of the lame ass ceremony meant to be the final celebration of the life of the most amazing person Adam had ever met. He hated a lot recently, but even his hate for his new ‘appetite’ was eclipsed by the hatred he had for how far from ‘Tommy’ things were.
When everything was finally said and done, Adam remained by Dia’s side as everybody else around them dispersed. She finally sighed and slumped. “Bye, baby,” she whispered, tossing the flower in her hand into the hole and then walked away silently.
Adam felt a little foolish as he did it, but he stepped forward and pulled a small container from his pocket, smiling sadly as he removed the top and poured glitter all over the pile of dirt that was waiting to be filled in on top of the casket. “For you, Glitterbaby,” he said softly, blowing the last of it out of his palm towards the grave. He sighed and said a small prayer, then turned to walk away. He slowly followed the figures in the distance heading towards their cars, only to frown as he saw a flash of white out of the corner of his eyes. He turned his head, already feeling rage filling him at the thought of a photographer taking pictures of that, only to feel his cold blood run even colder as he saw a figure just along the tree line. It was too far to see, but he could almost swear the familiar figure was someone it literally couldn’t be.
“Adam?” Adam turned to see Neil standing, waiting for him up the path, then turned back, only to see nothing where the figure had just been. Adam sighed and shook his head, turning to walk to Neil. He was imagining things and he knew it wasn’t a good sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adam smiled, looking over at Tommy, who was looking out the window at the rain that was hitting the window. “What did you want to be when you grew up as a kid?” he asked curiously.
Tommy turned back to him and smiled, scooting closer so Adam could wrap an arm around him. “I wanted to be a rock star,” he said, and Adam smiled.
“You are a rock star,” he said, leaning in to kiss him sweetly.
Tommy scrunched up his nose in a way that made Adam’s heart flutter at how fucking cute it was. “Nah, I’m just a dude in a band. You’re the rock star.”
Adam smiled, stroking his fingers along Tommy’s hip. “You’re a rock star to me,” he said, and Tommy gave him a happy smile, tugging him into a sweet kiss.
“What about you?” he asked curiously, stroking his fingers through Adam’s hair absently.
Adam smiled shyly. “An actor. I just loved dressing up and being somebody else all the time. I wanted to be an actor until I started singing lessons, then I automatically knew I had to be a singer.”
Tommy smiled. “Then you’ve lived your dream,” he said, and Adam smiled, nodding. Tommy curled into his arms. “I’m living my dream too,” he admitted. “You’ve made my dream real.”
Adam chuckled. “Did it involve turning yourself gay?” he teased and Tommy made a face.
“Eh, I promised myself I’d be single forever,” he said, laughing softly. “I guess as a kid I never allowed for falling in love… or the whole ‘sex is good’ thing. I just wanted to be a musician, I didn’t want distractions with anything else.” Tommy tucked his head under Adam’s chin and snuggled close. “What about you? Did you always want to find someone?”
Adam hummed, closing his eyes as he thought. “I always wanted to grow up and fall in love and get married. I knew I was gay so, at the time, I didn’t think it would ever be possible, but I wanted to get married and adopt kids and have a family,” he said, then made a face. “I kinda doubt that’s gonna happen really, though. I’m not exactly the kind of person adoption agencies would like very much, and I’m kinda sure I know who I want to spend my life with,” he admitted softly.
Tommy smiled against Adam’s chest. “If you plan on marrying me, you sure as hell better keep me supplied with tacos and you better not expect me to clean,” he joked and Adam smiled, pressing his lips to the top of Tommy’s head.
“Aww, and here I was hoping you would be the housewife. You know, take care of the kids, clean the house, feed the dog… all while I’m out slaving away to keep food on the table.” Tommy laughed against his throat and pressed a kiss there.
After a few moments just lying together in comfortable silence, Tommy took a breath. “You know… I would,” he said, and Adam pulled back, looking down at him curiously. Tommy blushed. “Someday, long, long from now… I kinda would marry you,” he said, and Adam felt his cheeks heat as he smiled widely.
“I’ll be sure to ask you again in about five years,” he said, and Tommy smiled, nodding as he bit his bottom lip shyly.
“Good. Just don’t expect me to start driving a minivan,” he teased, and Adam burst out laughing, holding Tommy close until their laughter subsided. Tommy turned and looked out the window again, sighing. “Fucking rain.”
Adam curled around him from behind, kissing the back of his head. “We need the rain. It brings life to earth and after the drought we’ve been in, it’s like liquid ‘life’ for real.” Adam looked at the raindrops. “The rain is like God, or Mother Nature, or whoever’s way of washing away all the dirty things and leaving everything clean and fresh and new in the world.”
Tommy snorted. “Or it might be ‘god’ pissing on us all,” he said, and Adam rolled his eyes. “What? If there is a god, I’m pretty sure he’s a dick anyways, so he’d totally piss on everybody just for fun.”
Adam shook his head. “You need something to believe in. I get you don’t believe in God, but you need something. Nature spirits, or fucking Zeus or something,” he said, and Tommy smiled, staring out at the rain as he laced his fingers with Adam’s on his chest.
“I believe in love.”
Adam sat on his bed, crying silently as he stared out the window at the rain falling over the city. Every breath hurt. It had been two weeks and yet fucking everything brought up memories. Every inch of the house held a memory of Tommy. Happy or sad, all the memories made reality hurt more than anything Adam had ever felt. Adam could feel the warmth missing from his arms as he thought about the many lazy, rainy mornings he and Tommy laid in bed for hours rather than actually getting up.
Adam took a shaky breath and stood. He walked downstairs quickly and headed to the back door. He took a breath and walked outside, not even caring that he was being soaked. Nobody was around to see anyhow. He walked out into the middle of the small back yard and stood there. He looked up at the sky, eyes shut as the rain washed over him.
Adam wasn’t even sure what he expected to happen. Maybe some feeling of rejuvenation from the water, maybe some clarity from the coolness of it hitting his skin. Adam stood for so long he couldn’t feel a dry spot on his body as he let the rain wash over him, hoping it healed a hurt in some way, only to find that the only image that filtered into his brain was even worse than before…
All the angels of Heaven were crying for him. For Tommy. For the evil that had stolen everything from Adam and broken a bond so pure as the love he and Tommy had shared. Adam opened his eyes and felt a new feeling swelling inside of him. It was empowerment. He felt something in him driving him to do something about the tears falling from Heaven.
Adam pictured the vampires who had done this, the ones who had stolen his life and his lover from him all in one night, and realized what he had to do.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adam sighed heavily as Brad walked in. “You know, you shouldn’t leave the door unlocked like that,” he said, sitting down across from Adam. He smiled sadly. “How are you?” he asked.
Adam just shook his head. “Look,” he sat up and looked across the couch at Brad. “I need to tell you something, I need you to not freak out, and I need you to believe me,” he said, and Brad frowned.
“That doesn’t sound good,” he said, and Adam smiled a genuine smile.
“Alright, well… this is the main part of it,” he took a breath. “I’m a vampire,” he said, and Brad snorted.
“Nice try-“ his eyes widened as Adam opened his mouth and closed his eyes, making his fangs extend. “Holy shit!” Brad leapt up, eyes wide. “Wha- but- VAMPIRES DON’T EXIST!” he cried shrilly.
Adam sighed, nodding. “I thought so too,” he said, then looked up. “Brad… you need to know the truth… only a few people know, but you should hear it,” he said, and Brad sat down, though he was further away from Adam. Adam understood his reasoning, he wouldn’t want to be near himself either. “The night Tommy-“ He cringed. “The night it happened… we weren’t jumped by a gang,” he said, and Brad’s eyes widened.
“Oh God,” he said, and Adam nodded weakly. “Oh fuck, so- are you- oh baby,” he said, and Adam chuckled.
“We were just walking a few blocks, you know? We weren’t far and we could hear people following us but thought it was just a group of punk ass kids. Then we saw a girl and Tommy shouted that she shouldn’t be alone at night in that neighborhood… she turned into the light and she had blood all over her face and hands and was totally a vampire,” he said bitterly. Brad looked horrified. “Then- then we turned but the guys following us ended up being vampires too… they were all in it together,” he said weakly. “Tommy and I decided to run past the girl and-“ Adam bit his lip, fighting a lump in his throat. “Tommy told me that, since I was gonna be able to outrun him, to keep going, don’t stop for anything… I didn’t want to run without holding his hand so I KNEW he was right there, but he insisted it would be okay…”
“But it wasn’t,” Brad offered, and Adam shook his head, tears filling his eyes once again.
“I was up ahead and heard Tommy scream. I turned around and the girl had him pinned to the ground. I couldn’t help it, I ran back, but some of the guys grabbed me. She-“ Adam looked down and looked back up with tears slipping from his lifeless gray eyes. “She killed him. Right there. In front of me,” he said, and Brad looked like he was near tears as well. “Tommy didn’t get his throat slit by gang members, he was sucked dry by a fucking vampire who just… just… did it in front of me and- and she just dropped him like- like killing someone was nothing!” he said. “And- and then they all turned on me, and they bit me, and- and oh God, the pain was horrible, it was so bad,” he said, cringing. He looked up and tugged his shirt off his shoulder to show Brad the scars, which made him gasp. “But- when I blacked out… I woke up again laying next- next to his body and they were all gone. I don’t remember how, but they must’ve made me drink from one of them because I knew something was wrong with me as soon as I opened my eyes… and then I realized everything.”
Brad shook his head. “Oh my God. Shit, I know this is stupid to ask, but… are you okay?” he asked, and Adam shot him a rueful look. “Yeah, I know, sorry,” he said softly. “How… how are you living?” he asked uneasily.
Adam smiled. “I don’t kill people, if that’s what you mean,” he said, then sighed. “We- I didn’t lose my soul or anything. I have a conscience. I have feelings- God, we all know I still have feelings.” He shuddered. “I have a deal with a butcher who gets me animals blood… and he’s done this with other vampires, so he can get me blood from donor banks through a contact, but I’m trying to not do that. First, I don’t want the human blood temptation, and second, those blood supplies are meant to help people, I shouldn’t steal from that.”
Brad frowned. “What about like… the sun and- and shit like that?” he asked in confusion.
Adam chuckled. “Myths. I don’t like the sun very much suddenly, but I don’t burn, I don’t melt, I sure as hell don’t fucking sparkle unless it’s my own doing with extra glitter, but it is way hotter than usual and I kinda don’t like it a lot. It doesn’t hurt but it’s annoying. I wear sunglasses all the time now if it’s not totally dark.”
Brad frowned. “Wait… does this mean you’re dead?!” he asked, and Adam shrugged.
“Undead is more what I’d call it, but… yeah. I mean… I guess. My heart is still beating, but I don’t have to breathe so my heart stops after holding my breath a while, and I’m cold. Not totally cold, I’m not like… dead but I’m not living either. I’m kinda stronger, I’ve noticed, but it isn’t like… some unnatural strength… just like… a really tough guy strength. My senses are better, but it’s hard to tell sometimes because I just-“ he sighed weakly, knowing he sighed an awful lot for a dead person. “You know- you know how in all the stories people who suffer loss talk about like… everything’s less colorful, and food doesn’t taste, and blah blah blah?” he asked, and Brad gave him a heartbroken look. “Some of it’s pretty true.”
Brad sighed. “Fuck, this shit sucks so bad,” he said, sliding across the couch to hug Adam.
Adam quickly stopped breathing, hugging Brad for as long as he dared before pulling away. “Look, Brad, I kinda can’t hug people a lot… it really makes me want to eat them.”
Brad drew back, jumping up quickly. “Oh shit, don’t do that,” he said, then glared when Adam laughed at him. “WHAT?”
Adam smiled. “Dude, I’m totally fucking with you,” he said, and Brad glared. “Well, okay, I can smell you and want to totally bite you, but I’m okay at controlling it most of the time,” he said, then sighed. “I haven’t laughed for real in so long,” he said, and Brad glared.
“You are a shit. I hate you.” He walked over and sat back down. “So wait, does this mean you’ll be young and hot forever? Fucking hell, I hate you even more,” he said, grumbling.
Adam shrugged. “Trust me, the plus sides are way far from balancing the negatives. First off, I am only this way cause the worst thing in the entire world that could ever happen, happened,” he pointed out and Brad cringed. “And then I have no clue what’s going to happen with my career or my life in general now. I mean… even if I do somehow get back to where I can sing without feeling my heart breaking over again, how will I tour and still hide the fact I’m drinking blood?” he asked weakly. “Or like… in the future, how will I explain not aging at all?” he asked.
Brad hummed. “Lots and lots of botox?” he offered.
Adam sighed. “What about when I should be dead?”
“Oooh.” Brad mad a face. “That is a problem.”
Adam just shrugged. “Probably won’t matter anyways. I don’t know if I can even do it anymore. I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do now, but I know what I need to get done before I even think about anything else,” he said, and Brad looked curious. Adam cringed. “You won’t like this part,” he said and Brad sighed.
“What is it, Adam?”
Adam looked down. “I’ve got to kill her,” he said, and Brad froze. “All of them, really. I mean, I’m no Buffy, I don’t give a shit about killing evil vampires all over the fucking place, but-“ he shuddered. “I have to stop them. She- she didn’t even seem effected,” he said softly. “I know she has a soul, I know I still am myself, so those horrible people were just as evil as humans and I can’t let someone else lose everything like I have.”
Brad just stared at him. “But you’re a pacifist.”
Adam cringed. “I put it to any pacifist in the entire fucking universe to watch the love of their life being murdered in front of them and then have their life stolen on top of it and not want revenge,” he said in a cold voice. “They couldn’t let it go.”
Brad sighed. “Baby, you’re hurting,” he said, taking Adam’s hands. “I just think it’s kind of rash to go on a revenge hunt, you know?” Brad looked at him closely. “Do you think Tommy would’ve wanted you to go all eye for an eye like this?”
Adam flinched and looked up with tears in his eyes. “I’ll never fucking know, will I?!” he hissed bitterly. “They took him. And God knows who else they’ve killed!” He shook his head. “I’m not giving them the chance to keep doing this shit to people.”
Brad just sighed. “Just be safe, okay?” He stood to leave, pressing a kiss to the top of Adam’s head. “The world already lost one of the sweetest, glittery-est boys in existence. No reason to lose another one.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adam tossed and turned all night as he tried to sleep. He hadn’t slept well a single time since he’d been sleeping alone. He felt so alone and when he did fall asleep, he dreamed of Tommy screaming and the moment he saw the light fade from Tommy’s eyes. Every night was torture.
He sighed and gave up after the sun began to rise and he couldn’t sleep yet. Adam walked down the stairs and went to pour himself a glass of water. He glanced out the window and smiled sadly as he saw the sun coming up over the back fence.
Adam woke up and frowned as he saw Tommy sitting at the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. “Tommy?” he asked groggily.
Tommy turned and smiled. “Go back to sleep, Ads,” he said, and Adam sat up.
“Why are you awake?” he asked, sitting up.
Tommy stood up, yawning. “Just can’t sleep. I have trouble pretty often really, I just rarely wake you up.”
Adam sighed, sliding out of bed to follow Tommy. “Are you sure?” he asked, following Tommy as he headed out of the bedroom towards the stairs.
Tommy nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine,” he said. He cocked an eyebrow. “You’re coming down with me?” he asked.
Adam nodded. “Yeah, may as well start coffee. I’m kinda awake now.”
Adam started the coffee while Tommy was in the bathroom, only to raise an eyebrow as he went to rinse a mug and saw Tommy standing outside in the back yard. He tapped on the glass and Tommy looked back, then gestured for Adam to come out. Adam’s curiosity overpowered his want for coffee and he quickly went outside. Tommy smiled. “Come look,” he said, holding out his hand.
Adam smiled and grabbed his hand, raising an eyebrow. “At what?”
Tommy nodded at the back fence. “The sun’s coming up soon. I’ve stood out here a few times,” he said, and Adam smiled, stepping up to wrap his arms around Tommy from behind, smiling when Tommy leaned back into him, warm against his chest. Adam leaned his cheek against Tommy’s temple, simply enjoying the day starting around them. When the sun came up, Adam smiled, watching the first rays of the sun crack over the fence. He could feel Tommy relaxing in his arms and smiled, pressing a kiss to the side of his head.
“This is so cheesy and romantic, but I really love this moment,” he admitted softly.
Tommy chuckled, but tipped his head back onto Adam’s shoulder, looking up at him. “Eh, I really love you,” he said, and Adam smiled, meeting his lips in a sweet, chaste kiss. “We’re allowed to be sappy and shit before ten am,” he teased and Adam laughed softly, curling his arms tighter as they continued watching the sun come up.
Adam was pulled from his daydream by the feeling of being watched. The hairs on the back of his neck prickled and he quickly turned around, eyes going to the kitchen doorway immediately, only to frown when no one was there. He looked all around the room and quickly walked out, slightly alarmed. He made a cursory check of the whole house but found nothing out of the ordinary. All of the doors were locked, all the windows were locked, and nothing seemed to be disturbed.
Adam sighed and shook his head. “Maybe I’m going insane,” he muttered, heading to the bedroom to get dressed and start his day. He planned to visit his mother, as per her request, for the first time since the funeral and he didn’t want to just wander around aimlessly when he could at least use the free time to put energy into getting ready.
Adam opened his closet for the first time in ages, only to feel a jerk somewhere behind his navel when his eyes immediately went to Tommy’s side of the closet. He wanted to vomit suddenly. He quickly looked to his side and grabbed the first set of clothes he hadn’t worn in a while and all but ran from the closet, firmly shutting the door behind him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adam smiled when he saw his mother sitting at a table outside of the café where they were meeting. It was overcast, so not many people were outside and he knew she had done it on purpose. Adam hugged her as soon as he got to her and sighed. “Hey mom,” he said, and she smiled, kissing his cheek before pulling away to sit.
“How are you?” she asked and Adam sighed, smiling bravely.
“Alright,” he said, and she smiled supportively. “I still haven’t eaten anybody, so that’s good,” he joked and she chuckled softly.
“Did you tell anybody else?” she asked and Adam nodded.
“I told Brad. Everybody I want to know, knows now. I’m done dropping bombs,” he said with a weak chuckle. “Besides, it’s probably bad enough eight people know that I’m ‘changed’.” Adam’s air quotes were implied so well Leila laughed.
“Aww, well I’m sure it won’t backfire. It’s only people you trust.” Leila smiled sadly. “How are you otherwise?” she asked and Adam knew what she meant.
He shrugged. “Not much better, really, but… I kinda don’t think that’s really expected of me.”
Leila nodded sadly. “No, pretty much you’re allowed to not get better for however long it takes.”
Adam picked at his sleeve. “I think I’m going crazy,” he said, and she raised an eyebrow. “It’s probably paranoia from being in a traumatic situation not terribly long ago, but I keep feeling like someone’s in the house watching me. Or walking down the street watching me. I just feel watched all the time. Nothing’s ever there, but it’s really annoying,” he said with a grumpy tone.
Leila smiled sadly. “Aww, it’s probably just post traumatic stress, baby. You’re allowed to not be yourself for a while,” she said.
Adam snorted. “I’m a fucking undead monster now, I’m pretty sure that’s number one for the ‘not yourself’ category,” he said bitterly and she nudged his foot under the table.
“Then you definitely win the award for best dressed in your category,” she joked, and Adam actually burst out laughing, feeling so happy to honestly laugh. “It’s good to see you actually look happy for the first time in ages, Adam,” she said.
Adam sighed. “It goes and comes,” he said, shrugging. “Sutan says I’m not handling it well, but… what the fuck does he expect, you know?” he asked.
She smiled sadly. “People handle things in their own ways. If you need anything, just let me know,” she said.
Adam bit his lip. “Neil’s coming to help me pack some of Tommy’s things up and I’d sort of like you to be there,” he cringed. “I kind of think I’m gonna need my mom,” he admitted softly.
She shook her head sadly. “You haven’t even packed up his things yet?” she asked and he huffed.
“It’s only been a month, Mom!” he said indignantly.
“Adam, it’s been more than a month, more like a month and a half. Baby, I know you are allowed to handle things differently sometimes, but… you kind of need to at least start trying to get past this. His stuff being strewn around has to make it harder and harder to hurt less and you know it,” she said pointedly.
Adam shrugged. “I just… can’t do it alone. Neil offered and I figure it’s time,” he said softly. Leila just grabbed his hands, squeezing them supportively.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Neil and Leila were fishing random things they knew weren’t Adam’s from around the house, such as random horror film action figures and the posters in the hallway that they knew Adam hadn’t put up when he and Tommy first moved in, while Adam sorted through the DVD collection, taking out the ones that were Tommy’s (and occasionally some Tommy had stolen from his friends).
“What about the closet?” Neil asked as he walked down with a box. Leila came out of the kitchen with some more boxes and cringed, looking at them.
“We’ll need more boxes, won’t we?” she asked, and Adam sighed, standing up.
“I’ll do the closet. Some of our stuff’s probably mixed and I don’t want you guys to accidentally box up my stuff,” he said, taking a box. “I sorted out the DVDs, the big pile are his and the smaller pile are ones he ‘borrowed’ from friends,” he said, smiling a small smile at the memory of Tommy’s motto of ‘I do plan on returning them, I just never said when’.
Leila smiled and shook her head. “That kid was something else,” she said, and Adam just nodded, sighing heavily.
“He sure was,” he said, then turned to go up to his room. “If you need me, I’ll probably be fighting with the closet,” he joked weakly.
As Adam opened the closet door, he was suddenly hit with a strange sensation of being watched again, but as he looked around, he saw no one. He shook it off, however, as he faced the closet again, feeling his breath catch as he looked at the rack full of Tommy’s clothes. He took a breath and put down the box as he started taking clothes down, one piece at a time.
After a good few minutes, Adam looked up and frowned as he found Tommy’s jewelry box. He thought Tommy had left it in the bathroom cabinet. He took it down and opened it up, smiling sadly as he saw the earrings Adam had bought him for Christmas at the top of the pile of tangled earrings. He felt tears filling his eyes as he looked through the necklaces in the drawer below, remembering each and every one in association with times Tommy wore them. He opened the bottom drawer and felt another frown growing. The only thing in it was a small jewelry pouch.
He grabbed it and sat the jewelry box up on the shelf again as he opened the drawstrings, feeling a hardness inside it. Adam tipped it over in his palm, dumping two silver rings out in his hand. His frown deepened in confusion as he picked the larger one up, looking around it for some kind of design. Tommy had worn rings occasionally, but he didn’t recognize these. They didn’t have any designs on the outside and they were both the same, only different sizes. Adam noticed something on the inside band of the one between his fingers and squinted to read the small text in the dim light of the closet.
Together
Adam felt his heart suddenly stop as he felt realization filling him. He looked at the smaller one quickly, only to find even more trouble reading the script, as it was smaller on the smaller band. He turned and headed back out into the bedroom, tripping over the box in the doorway in his haste. He fell to the ground with a thud, dropping both of the rings. The larger one fell beside him, but the smaller one rolled a few feet away, next to the bed. He grabbed the larger one and scrambled for the smaller on, sitting on his knees as his chest heaved with a sickening feeling. He managed to hold it with shakey hands just steady enough to read the word inside of it.
Forever
Adam’s world stopped. He felt his heart breaking all over again. He didn’t even realize he was full on sobbing again until he was interrupted by footsteps rushing into the room.
“Adam?! I heard a thud, are you okay?” Leila asked, walking into the room quickly, only to gasp and rush over when she saw Adam on his knees, shaking and crying. “Oh baby, are you okay?” she asked softly, sitting on the bed beside him.
Adam looked up and knew from the look on her face that his emotions must’ve translated well in his face. He vaguely saw Neil walking in but he was too busy looking back at his hands. He put both rings in his left hand and held it out to his mother, who frowned but let him drop them in her palm. “Mommy,” he squeaked softly and she looked at her hand, frowning. Adam watched as she turned them over in confusion, only to see the moment of realization as she read the inscriptions and her hands began to shake as well.
“Oh God,” she whispered, looking up. “Did you-“
Adam let out a weak sob. “I found them. They were- there was a little velvet pouch in his jewelry box, and- and I thought he left the box in the bathroom cabinet, I guess- I guess he put it in the closet to- to keep me from trying to steal some earrings and- and-“ He let out a ragged sob, putting his face in his hands as his shoulders shook.
Neil walked over. “Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked, squatting down beside his brother, rubbing his shoulders.
Leila looked up with tears in her eyes. “I think- I think Tommy was planning to ask Adam to marry him,” she whispered, and Neil’s eyes widened. He held his hand out and she showed him the rings. He read them and closed his eyes, shaking his head.
“Fuck.”
Adam sat back, shoulders slumped as he wiped at his cheeks. “Fuck, a lot of things make sense now,” he said softly. He sniffled and looked up. “He asked me once if- if I saw us making it. Like… for good,” he whispered. “And of course I did, I mean… you know, mom, you know what Tommy was for me. He- he was everything. Fuck, I knew before we even got together that I wanted to spend every fucking second I could with him for the rest of ever,” he shuddered. “And- and I told him I would be there as long as he wanted me. When he asked me, I told him I’d never leave if he didn’t want me too and he told me the same thing all the time… and once he asked me just… casually in the middle of a conversation,” Adam chuckled wetly. “He asked me what- what I thought about marriage, and I said that one day, in the future, I kinda wanted to get married. And he kept asking me when I meant by ‘one day’ and I just pulled a random number out of nowhere and said ‘after I’m thirty’,” he said softly.
He shook his head, sniffling as he tried to stop his tears. “One- one of the last things he said to me before- before things got scary that night-“ he groaned, shaking his head. “He said ‘Just think, in one year you’ll be thirty’ and I said not to remind me and then jokingly said ‘promise you’ll still love me when I’m thirty’-“ Adam smiled sadly, tears filling his eyes as he stared off at the floor. “And he said- he said ‘I’ll love you for the rest of time, Babyboy,’ and- and-“ Adam broke off into a small squeak as he put his hand over his mouth, shaking his head.
Neil shook his head, pulling Adam into a hug, rubbing his back as he cried into his shirt. Leila reached out and stroked Adam’s hair, sniffling as she cried silently. After a while, Adam sighed and sat back, pulling away from them. He had red eyes and lips swollen from crying, but he managed a small smile. “I’ll be okay,” he said softly and the both smiled at him softly. “Seriously, we need to finish this up,” he said, standing up slowly.
Neil stood up and grabbed Adam’s hand, pressing the rings into his palm. “I figure you want these,” he said, and Adam nodded, looking down at them. Leila stood on her toes to kiss his cheek and Neil slapped his back, both of them knowing the best thing to do would be give Adam some space.
Adam sighed heavily, but smiled as he slid the larger one onto his left ring finger and then smiled wider as he slid the smaller one on his right pinky. He looked at the one on his right hand and smiled with a sniffle. “Love you,” he whispered weakly, shaking his head as he went back to the closet. However, as he tried to start boxing up clothes again, he ended up just taking down Tommy’s striped hoodie- the one he’d been wearing the first time Adam ever saw him- to hold as he sat down against the wall and cried. He wrapped his hands in the hoodie, holding it to his chest as he cried, breathing in the lingering ‘Tommy’ scent it held.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adam managed to eventually box up all the clothes and shoes and accessories, though he kept Tommy’s jewelry and some accessories because, to be honest, he wanted them for himself. He found comfort in the idea of wearing Tommy’s necklaces and earrings and things. And a lot of them, he just really liked.
He carried a box of things Tommy had stolen from Monte downstairs and smiled as Leila and Neil looked at him with concern. “I’m done,” he said with a sigh.
“So,” Neil started. “What are we doing with everything? Giving it away? Tossing it?” he asked. “What about the guitars and basses?”
Adam cringed. “Neither. Well, some stuff I plan on giving away, and a lot of this stuff wasn’t his anyways, so I’m giving it back to his friends he stole it all from, but most of it’s just going in the storage closet in the laundry room,” he said, and then sighed when he saw Neil and his mother share a worried look. “Guys-“
“Adam,” Leila started, giving him her most gentle expression. “Baby, I know it’s hard, but… you can’t keep holding on like this. I know- especially after this afternoon- you really aren’t ready to let go, and I understand, but you’ll never start to heal if you keep all of his things in storage,” she reasoned.
Adam sighed. “Look… I just… cant,” he said simply. “I know the ideal thing would be to try and heal, try and move on… but the fact of it is, I’m not.” He walked around, looking at the boxes and piles of things that belonged to Tommy. “It’s not like one day I’m going to look back and be all ‘oh yeah, Tommy, it’s a shame what happened to him, I was really happy with that one’ or something. It’s not-“ he sighed, shoulders drooping. “It’s not going to ever go away. I need to put his stuff away so I can at least stop bursting into tears when I want to watch a DVD, but the fact of the matter is, I’m fucking undead now. I’m never going to really change. I obviously won’t be moving on to someone else, what with the whole ‘tempted to eat people’ thing, so I really don’t want to try and ‘move on’ or whatever,” he said. “I want to heal, I want to stop hurting so bad, and it will eventually hurt less, I know, but I want to remember every fucking second with him. I mean… all his stuff… its his.” He looked between them. “Would you want me to try and erase all evidence you existed if you died, Neil? You’re my brother, I’ll never have a new brother.”
“Adam, it’s not-“ Leila started and Adam shook his head.
“It is the same, mom. Tommy was, still is, and most likely always will be my everything. I’m not going to just… try and make it seem like he was never here.” He looked at the guitars and smiled, walking over to slid his fingers along the strings of Tommy’s favorite bass. “Hell, I’m having this hung on the wall,” he said, looking back at them with a smile. “Right there,” he said, pointing to the empty wall opposite the entrance into the living room.
Neil just sighed but shook his head, offering Adam a smile. “Whatever you need, dude,” he said, and Adam smiled.
“Thanks,” he said, looking down at his hands, smiling sadly as he looked at the two silver rings on his hands. He knew those were never leaving his hands, no matter what.
Then I Opened My Eyes
Author: heartsdesire456
Rating: R for language and content
POV: 3rd
Pairing: Vampire!Adam/Ghost!Tommy
Summary: All the folklore, all the stories, all the legends… none of them came close to the reality. After an attack on the night of his 29th birthday robbed him of his life and, even more tragically, the most important thing in the world to him, Adam Lambert decided that the only way to get justice against those who destroyed him was to exact it himself. However, Adam may not be as alone in the world as he feared.
Disclaimer: Not mine, total work of fiction, blah blah blah
WARNINGS: Character death (Duh!), character un-death, violence, small amounts of gore.
Author's Note: After a long time writing this fic on and off, I am delighted to share this with you all. This fic came to me in a split second 'hey...' and I began it right there. Though the warnings are for character death and undeath, and though you WILL cry (probably multiple times) if you have a single ounce of empathy in you (or, you know, a heart at all), I promise the ending isn't sad and that this story will warm your heart in some spots.
The title and part-titles are from one of my favorite films as a kid... I was just finishing this fic at 3:30am and was desperately trying to think of a title and the first thing that popped in my head was the song "In The Dark of The Night" from the film Anastasia(HERE)...yes, the Title is changed a bit, but whatever! Same idea!
Adam stood in the corner, staring at the front of the room as mourners passed one by one to look into the casket. He felt cold. He’d felt nothing but cold recently, but the cold he felt was different to the cold he was growing accustomed to. Adam knew that everything he had ever heard was a lie. All the folklore, all the stories, all the legends… none of them came close to the reality.
”Adam!” Tommy cried, laughing as he tugged away, running ahead. “Come on, stop!” he cried, only to squeal somewhat as Adam chased after him, catching him before spinning them around.
Tommy laughed and wrapped his arms around Adam’s neck, smiling brightly when Adam stopped spinning and set him down on his feet. “Come on, we’re going to be late,” he said, snapping at Adam’s nose playfully.
Adam smiled, leaning their heads together. “Hey, I’m the one the party’s for, baby, I’m allowed to be late.”
Tommy smiled and pulled Adam into a small kiss. “Just think, you’ll be thirty in just one year,” he said, and Adam whined.
“Don’t remind me,” he said, smiling as he leaned down for another kiss. “Promise you’ll still love me when I’m thirty?”
Tommy smiled coquettishly and nodded, pressing their foreheads together again. “I’ll love you for the rest of time, Babyboy.”
Adam sighed and nodded. “Promise?”
Tommy nodded, smiling. “Promise.”
Adam closed his eyes, feeling a wave of nausea come over him. He looked up again and felt his eyes widen and his heart drop as he saw the woman who had suffered so much loss at such a young age being led up to the casket, where she promptly burst into sobs for the thousandth time. Adam wanted to go comfort her, he wanted to say something to her, but it wasn’t just her pain he was afraid of making worse.
He felt a hand on his arm and looked over, smiling sadly when he saw Monte and Lisa standing there. “Hey,” Monte said, and Adam took a shaky breath.
“Hey,” he said softly.
Lisa just bit her lip. “Adam,” she started and he just shook his head. She walked over and wrapped her arms around his waist in a hug. Adam felt his throat closing as he hugged her back, suddenly glad he didn’t require the oxygen he was being deprived of anymore.
Monte slapped his arm in an attempt at a friendly nudge. “So, how are you holding up so far?” he asked, then paled. “With your- not with this, of course, but with the changes,” he said softly.
Adam sighed, letting his head fall. “I can’t even walk over there because every time people hug me, I have to stop breathing,” he said, and Lisa cringed, looking apologetic. “If I go over there, I’ll have a billion hugs and just as much temptation.”
Monte nodded. “How is the deal with the butcher?” he asked.
Adam smiled weakly. “I’m coping. It’s the best I can hope for.” He shuddered. “I am not ever going to hurt anybody, Monte. All the stories talk about losing your soul and losing your conscience, but it’s all lies,” he said, then shuddered, adopting a pained look. “Even if I did want to… I know firsthand what-“
Monte nodded. “I know.” He smiled sadly. “Now, how are you coping?” he asked softly.
Adam clenched his jaw. “The world is colder now,” he admitted weakly, chancing a glance up at the far end of the room. “Everything’s darker and it isn’t just my sunglasses… it’s the world. All my senses may be heightened now, but somehow I only feel numb. Neil says everything- the cold, the dark, the numb, the dulled colors- he says it’s all because of what I am now, but-“
Monte shook his head sadly. “It’s not.” He let out a heavy sigh. “The world does seem a lot emptier now, doesn’t it?” he asked weakly.
Adam couldn’t tell someone if they asked him later what exactly it was about Monte’s words that broke the veil around him, but he suddenly felt a rush of everything that was missing hit him like a wall of water crashing over rocks. He felt his shoulders begin to shake as he acknowledged what warmth was missing from his life. He could feel his heart, which hadn’t stopped beating, begin to thud faster as he realized where the light that was missing had gone. He could feel a lump growing in his throat as he pictured all the colors, those shades that could never be matched by anything else, that were now gone. The final break in the dam came when the pain which had been numbed suddenly swept through Adam, seeming to start from his very core and spread outwards to every inch of his body, causing him to burst into tears for the first time since he first woke up and remembered what had happened.
Monte and Lisa both watched helplessly as one of the strongest, most resilient people they had ever met finally broke, hidden away in a dark corner away from the rest of the mourners, most of who had no clue how bad the pain of loss they all felt could ever be magnified.
Adam and Tommy were nearly to the party, having wasted a good bit of time stopping to kiss and tease each other and play ‘you can’t catch me’ the entire walk there, when they heard movement off to their left. Tommy glanced over and Adam frowned when Tommy looked back forward. “Let’s just keep walking, it’s just some punks looking for trouble,” he muttered.
Adam had instinctively tightened his arm around Tommy’s waist, blushing when Tommy gave him a teasing smile. “What? You’re very valuable to me and thugs are usually after stealing valuables,” he joked somewhat nervously.
As they continued on, being followed, they spotted a girl smoking a cigarette just ahead. Tommy frowned. “Hey, you shouldn’t be around here alone this time of night. This is a pretty tough neighborhood!” he called out to her.
She looked up and grinned. “Yeah, I know,” she said, then stepped from the shadows into the light. Adam gasped, pulling them both to a stop as he saw blood on the girl’s face and arms.
Tommy gasped. “Holy shit,” he cried, grabbing Adam’s hand tightly. Her eyes were completely black and as she snarled menacingly, Tommy spotted her elongated canines. “She’s a-“
Adam shook his head. “Vampires aren’t real!” he said disbelievingly, only to shout as he heard a chain rattling behind him. He turned his head and gasped as he saw four large men behind them, all of them stained with blood. “This is a joke, right, vampires aren’t real-“
Tommy turned and quickly he and Adam started looking around for any escape, still holding onto each other tightly. “Oh shit, that’s it, I’m never laughing at another vampire film ever, I swear to God,” he said, and Adam glanced at him with a disbelieving look.
“That is your main worry now?” he asked, and Tommy cringed.
“Any other idea’s, Ads?” he asked, and Adam shook his head weakly, terror mounting as the girl came closer from one side and the gang from the other. “I see it this way, TommyJoe… one vampire girl this way and four vampire guys that way,” he said, and Tommy nodded.
“I think I see your point,” he said, then bit his lip, looking up at him. “Start running and don’t stop for anything. If I fall behind, keep going, your legs are longer so you have the better chance,” he said quickly and quietly.
Adam shook his head. “Tommy, I’m not running away without you holding my hand,” he said, and Tommy glared.
“Adam, I’ll be fine, but don’t stop and don’t look back,” he said quickly.
Adam just nodded. “Count of three?” he asked, and Tommy nodded, counting down.
“-two, THREE!” They both tore out running towards the girl, managing to startle her enough to get past. Adam, despite being larger, did have the longer legs so he quickly managed to pull ahead. He had every confidence (or maybe it was blind hope?) that Tommy was just behind him. However, when he was nearly at the main road, he heard Tommy cry out and couldn’t keep going.
Adam turned and looked back, only to scream when he saw the girl had Tommy pinned down to the sidewalk, holding his arms while she sat on top of him and one of the men was hovering over him. “TOMMY!” he screamed, only to hear a cry of agony from him. “No!” he cried, ignoring Tommy’s instructions as he turned and ran back. “Get off of him!” he cried desperately, rushing towards them, only to miss the other three men.
“Look, we’ve got them both now!” one guy cheered, holding Adam firmly, despite his desperate struggling.
“Adam- AH! I said run!” Tommy managed to get out, still fighting off the man who was biting him. “Oh God,” he cried, then screamed in pain.
Adam felt everything in him fighting to help Tommy. “Please, stop! Let him go!” he cried, struggling so hard that the one guy called for another vampire to help him. “Tommy, I can’t-“
The girl smirked, shoving off the one drinking from Tommy. “Wait, he’s your lover!” she cried with a sadistic smirk. She stood and Adam panicked when he saw how pale Tommy was and noticed that, as he fought to crawl away, he was barely able to lift himself to his elbows and roll onto his front. She smirked and snatched Tommy up by his hair, holding him against her as he sagged.
“No, don’t hurt him,” he gasped out, looking at Adam. “Adam, I-“
“Tommy!” Adam cried desperately. “Let him go, please!” he begged, only to scream in pain as a burning sensation not unlike a molten rod of iron stabbing into his shoulder overcame him. He felt himself growing weaker, crying out in misery as the vampire bit again, readjusting his position. When he was so weak he could barely stand, the vampire stopped and the woman’s sadistic smirk returned. “Please,” he sobbed and she shook her head.
“Now you can’t stop me,” she said, sinking her fangs into Tommy’s throat. He cried out weakly, but froze, eyes going wide as Adam stared in horror.
“Adam,” he whispered and Adam gasped as he saw how much blood was pouring out of Tommy’s throat that she wasn’t able to catch.
“Tommy,” he sobbed, watching Tommy’s face slacken somewhat. “Tommy, please-“
Tommy’s eyes fluttered. “Ada- love…so- so-“ Adam let out a sob as Tommy’s lips fell apart once again and the final light went out of his eyes. The girl continued sucking before finally smirking and simply tossing him to the ground unceremoniously.
Adam let out a shaky breath as he realized what had just happened in front of him. His cry turned from one of anguish to one of agony as he was once again bitten, this time by more than one person in more than one spot.
The last thing Adam remembered seeing was the face of the woman who had just taken everything from him right before his eyes.
“Adam,” Monte said softly. “Adam, look… you have to at least speak to her,” he said, stroking his friend’s back as he regained composure. Adam sighed, but nodded, clearing his throat. “Good luck,” Monte said.
Adam took a deep breath and then stopped breathing as he strode forward through the people milling around. He knew eyes were on him, but he didn’t want them to be. As he approached Dia, she looked up and saw him, eyes widening. “Hi,” he said weakly, examining her face. He could sense, looking at her, that if anybody understood how he felt, she was the only one who felt it even worse.
She walked over and sighed, sliding her arms around his middle. Adam closed his eyes, hugging her. “Adam, I was so worried you wouldn’t be here. Nobody seems to have seen you lately,” she said, and Adam cringed.
“I just- I couldn’t… I can’t-“ He struggled for the words, but she just shook her head.
“I know what you mean,” she said, and he slumped.
“I’m so sorry, I can’t even begin-“ he started to babble, voice tightening.
“Adam,” she cut him off, biting her lip as she managed a pained smile. “Thank you,” she whispered.
Adam frowned. “What?” he asked weakly, and she took a shaky breath, glancing at the casket Adam had yet to look at too closely.
Dia took his hands in hers and tugged him down beside her. He sat and waited and she smiled a genuine smile. “You made him so happy,” she whispered, and Adam felt himself crumple as the tears came again. She pulled him into a hug and, for once, Adam didn’t pull away quickly. Nothing in the world could fill his thoughts other than a wave of love and gratitude for the woman.
“Oh my God, I miss him,” he choked out, face pressed into her shoulder. “I- I can’t even-“ He let out a soft sob. “Somehow-“ he sniffled. “Somehow I feel like you’re the only other person that could possibly feel more pain than I have every second of every day since-“ he swallowed thickly, unable to even finish his thoughts.
She chuckled wetly, pulling away to wipe at his cheek. “Yeah, that’s sort of how I figured it would have to be… I know nothing can compare to losing my baby, but I know how it feels to lose the person I love, too, so I can imagine,” she said, and Adam let out a weak sob. “Oh baby, shhh,” she said, and he shook his head.
“I can’t,” he whispered weakly, and she nodded.
“I know.”
Adam shook his head weakly. “How- how do I- how long will it feel like this?” he asked in a small voice, not caring if he sounded crazy. “Like I never want to open my eyes again?”
She sighed, shaking her head. “A long time, but not forever,” she reassured and Adam leaned over, putting his face in his hands. He had so much he felt like saying, but knew that every word of it would only make things worse. She put a hand on his shoulder. “Are you gonna…” she nodded at the front of the room, and Adam bit his lip, looking for a long time, before slowly shaking his head. She raised an eyebrow and Adam sniffled.
“I can’t-“ He took a moment and started again. “I’ve thought about it since I’ve been here and- and I think I don’t want to-“ he swallowed thickly. “I don’t want to remember him like that,” he whispered, and she nodded, biting her lip. “But-“ he sighed. “I don’t know.”
“Whatever you think, baby,” she said, and Adam looked down.
“I just-“
She grabbed his hand. “What is it baby?” she asked.
Adam looked up. “I don’t want that to be how I remember him… but at the same time- at the same time, I don’t want to regret not- not looking at him one last time,” he breathed weakly. “I- I mean… I didn’t ever think- I never thought the last time I saw him-“
She nodded. “That it would be the last time?” she asked, and he let out a weak sob. “Whatever you think.”
After a few minutes, he nodded. “Will,” he reached out and grabbed her hand. “Will you come with me?” he asked and she nodded, watching him with a curious look.
When he walked to the front, holding his breath, he saw a lot of faces looking at him with nothing buy sympathy in their gazes. As he and Dia neared the front, he paused, then took the first slow step, forcing himself to keep moving. When they got there, he closed his eyes as he faced the casket, then opened them slowly.
The feeling that hit Adam was almost more than he could bare, but a few things helped distract him from the pain that was trying to break him. He sniffled and smiled weakly. Tommy looked asleep. There was no sign of the bites on his neck as he was wearing a scarf, and he simply looked like he was sleeping. The thing that broke through the pain, however, was the last thing Adam expected to be seeing again.
He huffed out a surprised little laugh. “Oh wow,” he said, looking at the passport pouch Lane had teasingly gotten him to wear around his neck after he lost his. It was lying on his chest, around his neck one last time. Adam could see the passport in it and smiled, sniffling. “Well, at least he sure as hell won’t lose it now,” he said, and Dia laughed softly, looking surprised at her own laughter.
“I’ll be damned.” Adam turned quickly, eyes widening as he saw several people who had been on tour with them walking up beside him. Taylor looked up at Adam from beside him and nudged him. “At least he won’t get stranded at immigration,” he said, and Adam let out a wet laugh.
“Yeah, there is that,” he said, smiling sadly at so many of their friends, who were all sharing a small laugh. He chuckled wetly. “I wonder if there’s a customs inspection on the way into heaven?” he joked, and Dia smiled at him, squeezing his hand.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adam wasn’t a fan of funerals. Nobody enjoyed going to them, but he hated them in principle. They made it even sadder than it already was. It was so superficial to have such a hardnosed, formal, run-of-the-mill, ‘we lost a dear one early in life’, generic funeral and a plain, impersonal ‘ashes to ashes’ burial for someone who had been so vibrant and had broke all semblances of ‘generic’ in their lifetime. Adam spent the entire funeral thinking Tommy would’ve rather had them throw a party to end all parties and get drunk off their asses in memory of him, not stand around a hole in the ground as a preacher spoke about ‘life is fleeting’ at the burial of an atheist.
Adam stood near the front beside Dia, defiantly wearing Tommy’s favorite outfit, annoyed older relatives be damned. He hated every second of the lame ass ceremony meant to be the final celebration of the life of the most amazing person Adam had ever met. He hated a lot recently, but even his hate for his new ‘appetite’ was eclipsed by the hatred he had for how far from ‘Tommy’ things were.
When everything was finally said and done, Adam remained by Dia’s side as everybody else around them dispersed. She finally sighed and slumped. “Bye, baby,” she whispered, tossing the flower in her hand into the hole and then walked away silently.
Adam felt a little foolish as he did it, but he stepped forward and pulled a small container from his pocket, smiling sadly as he removed the top and poured glitter all over the pile of dirt that was waiting to be filled in on top of the casket. “For you, Glitterbaby,” he said softly, blowing the last of it out of his palm towards the grave. He sighed and said a small prayer, then turned to walk away. He slowly followed the figures in the distance heading towards their cars, only to frown as he saw a flash of white out of the corner of his eyes. He turned his head, already feeling rage filling him at the thought of a photographer taking pictures of that, only to feel his cold blood run even colder as he saw a figure just along the tree line. It was too far to see, but he could almost swear the familiar figure was someone it literally couldn’t be.
“Adam?” Adam turned to see Neil standing, waiting for him up the path, then turned back, only to see nothing where the figure had just been. Adam sighed and shook his head, turning to walk to Neil. He was imagining things and he knew it wasn’t a good sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adam smiled, looking over at Tommy, who was looking out the window at the rain that was hitting the window. “What did you want to be when you grew up as a kid?” he asked curiously.
Tommy turned back to him and smiled, scooting closer so Adam could wrap an arm around him. “I wanted to be a rock star,” he said, and Adam smiled.
“You are a rock star,” he said, leaning in to kiss him sweetly.
Tommy scrunched up his nose in a way that made Adam’s heart flutter at how fucking cute it was. “Nah, I’m just a dude in a band. You’re the rock star.”
Adam smiled, stroking his fingers along Tommy’s hip. “You’re a rock star to me,” he said, and Tommy gave him a happy smile, tugging him into a sweet kiss.
“What about you?” he asked curiously, stroking his fingers through Adam’s hair absently.
Adam smiled shyly. “An actor. I just loved dressing up and being somebody else all the time. I wanted to be an actor until I started singing lessons, then I automatically knew I had to be a singer.”
Tommy smiled. “Then you’ve lived your dream,” he said, and Adam smiled, nodding. Tommy curled into his arms. “I’m living my dream too,” he admitted. “You’ve made my dream real.”
Adam chuckled. “Did it involve turning yourself gay?” he teased and Tommy made a face.
“Eh, I promised myself I’d be single forever,” he said, laughing softly. “I guess as a kid I never allowed for falling in love… or the whole ‘sex is good’ thing. I just wanted to be a musician, I didn’t want distractions with anything else.” Tommy tucked his head under Adam’s chin and snuggled close. “What about you? Did you always want to find someone?”
Adam hummed, closing his eyes as he thought. “I always wanted to grow up and fall in love and get married. I knew I was gay so, at the time, I didn’t think it would ever be possible, but I wanted to get married and adopt kids and have a family,” he said, then made a face. “I kinda doubt that’s gonna happen really, though. I’m not exactly the kind of person adoption agencies would like very much, and I’m kinda sure I know who I want to spend my life with,” he admitted softly.
Tommy smiled against Adam’s chest. “If you plan on marrying me, you sure as hell better keep me supplied with tacos and you better not expect me to clean,” he joked and Adam smiled, pressing his lips to the top of Tommy’s head.
“Aww, and here I was hoping you would be the housewife. You know, take care of the kids, clean the house, feed the dog… all while I’m out slaving away to keep food on the table.” Tommy laughed against his throat and pressed a kiss there.
After a few moments just lying together in comfortable silence, Tommy took a breath. “You know… I would,” he said, and Adam pulled back, looking down at him curiously. Tommy blushed. “Someday, long, long from now… I kinda would marry you,” he said, and Adam felt his cheeks heat as he smiled widely.
“I’ll be sure to ask you again in about five years,” he said, and Tommy smiled, nodding as he bit his bottom lip shyly.
“Good. Just don’t expect me to start driving a minivan,” he teased, and Adam burst out laughing, holding Tommy close until their laughter subsided. Tommy turned and looked out the window again, sighing. “Fucking rain.”
Adam curled around him from behind, kissing the back of his head. “We need the rain. It brings life to earth and after the drought we’ve been in, it’s like liquid ‘life’ for real.” Adam looked at the raindrops. “The rain is like God, or Mother Nature, or whoever’s way of washing away all the dirty things and leaving everything clean and fresh and new in the world.”
Tommy snorted. “Or it might be ‘god’ pissing on us all,” he said, and Adam rolled his eyes. “What? If there is a god, I’m pretty sure he’s a dick anyways, so he’d totally piss on everybody just for fun.”
Adam shook his head. “You need something to believe in. I get you don’t believe in God, but you need something. Nature spirits, or fucking Zeus or something,” he said, and Tommy smiled, staring out at the rain as he laced his fingers with Adam’s on his chest.
“I believe in love.”
Adam sat on his bed, crying silently as he stared out the window at the rain falling over the city. Every breath hurt. It had been two weeks and yet fucking everything brought up memories. Every inch of the house held a memory of Tommy. Happy or sad, all the memories made reality hurt more than anything Adam had ever felt. Adam could feel the warmth missing from his arms as he thought about the many lazy, rainy mornings he and Tommy laid in bed for hours rather than actually getting up.
Adam took a shaky breath and stood. He walked downstairs quickly and headed to the back door. He took a breath and walked outside, not even caring that he was being soaked. Nobody was around to see anyhow. He walked out into the middle of the small back yard and stood there. He looked up at the sky, eyes shut as the rain washed over him.
Adam wasn’t even sure what he expected to happen. Maybe some feeling of rejuvenation from the water, maybe some clarity from the coolness of it hitting his skin. Adam stood for so long he couldn’t feel a dry spot on his body as he let the rain wash over him, hoping it healed a hurt in some way, only to find that the only image that filtered into his brain was even worse than before…
All the angels of Heaven were crying for him. For Tommy. For the evil that had stolen everything from Adam and broken a bond so pure as the love he and Tommy had shared. Adam opened his eyes and felt a new feeling swelling inside of him. It was empowerment. He felt something in him driving him to do something about the tears falling from Heaven.
Adam pictured the vampires who had done this, the ones who had stolen his life and his lover from him all in one night, and realized what he had to do.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adam sighed heavily as Brad walked in. “You know, you shouldn’t leave the door unlocked like that,” he said, sitting down across from Adam. He smiled sadly. “How are you?” he asked.
Adam just shook his head. “Look,” he sat up and looked across the couch at Brad. “I need to tell you something, I need you to not freak out, and I need you to believe me,” he said, and Brad frowned.
“That doesn’t sound good,” he said, and Adam smiled a genuine smile.
“Alright, well… this is the main part of it,” he took a breath. “I’m a vampire,” he said, and Brad snorted.
“Nice try-“ his eyes widened as Adam opened his mouth and closed his eyes, making his fangs extend. “Holy shit!” Brad leapt up, eyes wide. “Wha- but- VAMPIRES DON’T EXIST!” he cried shrilly.
Adam sighed, nodding. “I thought so too,” he said, then looked up. “Brad… you need to know the truth… only a few people know, but you should hear it,” he said, and Brad sat down, though he was further away from Adam. Adam understood his reasoning, he wouldn’t want to be near himself either. “The night Tommy-“ He cringed. “The night it happened… we weren’t jumped by a gang,” he said, and Brad’s eyes widened.
“Oh God,” he said, and Adam nodded weakly. “Oh fuck, so- are you- oh baby,” he said, and Adam chuckled.
“We were just walking a few blocks, you know? We weren’t far and we could hear people following us but thought it was just a group of punk ass kids. Then we saw a girl and Tommy shouted that she shouldn’t be alone at night in that neighborhood… she turned into the light and she had blood all over her face and hands and was totally a vampire,” he said bitterly. Brad looked horrified. “Then- then we turned but the guys following us ended up being vampires too… they were all in it together,” he said weakly. “Tommy and I decided to run past the girl and-“ Adam bit his lip, fighting a lump in his throat. “Tommy told me that, since I was gonna be able to outrun him, to keep going, don’t stop for anything… I didn’t want to run without holding his hand so I KNEW he was right there, but he insisted it would be okay…”
“But it wasn’t,” Brad offered, and Adam shook his head, tears filling his eyes once again.
“I was up ahead and heard Tommy scream. I turned around and the girl had him pinned to the ground. I couldn’t help it, I ran back, but some of the guys grabbed me. She-“ Adam looked down and looked back up with tears slipping from his lifeless gray eyes. “She killed him. Right there. In front of me,” he said, and Brad looked like he was near tears as well. “Tommy didn’t get his throat slit by gang members, he was sucked dry by a fucking vampire who just… just… did it in front of me and- and she just dropped him like- like killing someone was nothing!” he said. “And- and then they all turned on me, and they bit me, and- and oh God, the pain was horrible, it was so bad,” he said, cringing. He looked up and tugged his shirt off his shoulder to show Brad the scars, which made him gasp. “But- when I blacked out… I woke up again laying next- next to his body and they were all gone. I don’t remember how, but they must’ve made me drink from one of them because I knew something was wrong with me as soon as I opened my eyes… and then I realized everything.”
Brad shook his head. “Oh my God. Shit, I know this is stupid to ask, but… are you okay?” he asked, and Adam shot him a rueful look. “Yeah, I know, sorry,” he said softly. “How… how are you living?” he asked uneasily.
Adam smiled. “I don’t kill people, if that’s what you mean,” he said, then sighed. “We- I didn’t lose my soul or anything. I have a conscience. I have feelings- God, we all know I still have feelings.” He shuddered. “I have a deal with a butcher who gets me animals blood… and he’s done this with other vampires, so he can get me blood from donor banks through a contact, but I’m trying to not do that. First, I don’t want the human blood temptation, and second, those blood supplies are meant to help people, I shouldn’t steal from that.”
Brad frowned. “What about like… the sun and- and shit like that?” he asked in confusion.
Adam chuckled. “Myths. I don’t like the sun very much suddenly, but I don’t burn, I don’t melt, I sure as hell don’t fucking sparkle unless it’s my own doing with extra glitter, but it is way hotter than usual and I kinda don’t like it a lot. It doesn’t hurt but it’s annoying. I wear sunglasses all the time now if it’s not totally dark.”
Brad frowned. “Wait… does this mean you’re dead?!” he asked, and Adam shrugged.
“Undead is more what I’d call it, but… yeah. I mean… I guess. My heart is still beating, but I don’t have to breathe so my heart stops after holding my breath a while, and I’m cold. Not totally cold, I’m not like… dead but I’m not living either. I’m kinda stronger, I’ve noticed, but it isn’t like… some unnatural strength… just like… a really tough guy strength. My senses are better, but it’s hard to tell sometimes because I just-“ he sighed weakly, knowing he sighed an awful lot for a dead person. “You know- you know how in all the stories people who suffer loss talk about like… everything’s less colorful, and food doesn’t taste, and blah blah blah?” he asked, and Brad gave him a heartbroken look. “Some of it’s pretty true.”
Brad sighed. “Fuck, this shit sucks so bad,” he said, sliding across the couch to hug Adam.
Adam quickly stopped breathing, hugging Brad for as long as he dared before pulling away. “Look, Brad, I kinda can’t hug people a lot… it really makes me want to eat them.”
Brad drew back, jumping up quickly. “Oh shit, don’t do that,” he said, then glared when Adam laughed at him. “WHAT?”
Adam smiled. “Dude, I’m totally fucking with you,” he said, and Brad glared. “Well, okay, I can smell you and want to totally bite you, but I’m okay at controlling it most of the time,” he said, then sighed. “I haven’t laughed for real in so long,” he said, and Brad glared.
“You are a shit. I hate you.” He walked over and sat back down. “So wait, does this mean you’ll be young and hot forever? Fucking hell, I hate you even more,” he said, grumbling.
Adam shrugged. “Trust me, the plus sides are way far from balancing the negatives. First off, I am only this way cause the worst thing in the entire world that could ever happen, happened,” he pointed out and Brad cringed. “And then I have no clue what’s going to happen with my career or my life in general now. I mean… even if I do somehow get back to where I can sing without feeling my heart breaking over again, how will I tour and still hide the fact I’m drinking blood?” he asked weakly. “Or like… in the future, how will I explain not aging at all?” he asked.
Brad hummed. “Lots and lots of botox?” he offered.
Adam sighed. “What about when I should be dead?”
“Oooh.” Brad mad a face. “That is a problem.”
Adam just shrugged. “Probably won’t matter anyways. I don’t know if I can even do it anymore. I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do now, but I know what I need to get done before I even think about anything else,” he said, and Brad looked curious. Adam cringed. “You won’t like this part,” he said and Brad sighed.
“What is it, Adam?”
Adam looked down. “I’ve got to kill her,” he said, and Brad froze. “All of them, really. I mean, I’m no Buffy, I don’t give a shit about killing evil vampires all over the fucking place, but-“ he shuddered. “I have to stop them. She- she didn’t even seem effected,” he said softly. “I know she has a soul, I know I still am myself, so those horrible people were just as evil as humans and I can’t let someone else lose everything like I have.”
Brad just stared at him. “But you’re a pacifist.”
Adam cringed. “I put it to any pacifist in the entire fucking universe to watch the love of their life being murdered in front of them and then have their life stolen on top of it and not want revenge,” he said in a cold voice. “They couldn’t let it go.”
Brad sighed. “Baby, you’re hurting,” he said, taking Adam’s hands. “I just think it’s kind of rash to go on a revenge hunt, you know?” Brad looked at him closely. “Do you think Tommy would’ve wanted you to go all eye for an eye like this?”
Adam flinched and looked up with tears in his eyes. “I’ll never fucking know, will I?!” he hissed bitterly. “They took him. And God knows who else they’ve killed!” He shook his head. “I’m not giving them the chance to keep doing this shit to people.”
Brad just sighed. “Just be safe, okay?” He stood to leave, pressing a kiss to the top of Adam’s head. “The world already lost one of the sweetest, glittery-est boys in existence. No reason to lose another one.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adam tossed and turned all night as he tried to sleep. He hadn’t slept well a single time since he’d been sleeping alone. He felt so alone and when he did fall asleep, he dreamed of Tommy screaming and the moment he saw the light fade from Tommy’s eyes. Every night was torture.
He sighed and gave up after the sun began to rise and he couldn’t sleep yet. Adam walked down the stairs and went to pour himself a glass of water. He glanced out the window and smiled sadly as he saw the sun coming up over the back fence.
Adam woke up and frowned as he saw Tommy sitting at the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. “Tommy?” he asked groggily.
Tommy turned and smiled. “Go back to sleep, Ads,” he said, and Adam sat up.
“Why are you awake?” he asked, sitting up.
Tommy stood up, yawning. “Just can’t sleep. I have trouble pretty often really, I just rarely wake you up.”
Adam sighed, sliding out of bed to follow Tommy. “Are you sure?” he asked, following Tommy as he headed out of the bedroom towards the stairs.
Tommy nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine,” he said. He cocked an eyebrow. “You’re coming down with me?” he asked.
Adam nodded. “Yeah, may as well start coffee. I’m kinda awake now.”
Adam started the coffee while Tommy was in the bathroom, only to raise an eyebrow as he went to rinse a mug and saw Tommy standing outside in the back yard. He tapped on the glass and Tommy looked back, then gestured for Adam to come out. Adam’s curiosity overpowered his want for coffee and he quickly went outside. Tommy smiled. “Come look,” he said, holding out his hand.
Adam smiled and grabbed his hand, raising an eyebrow. “At what?”
Tommy nodded at the back fence. “The sun’s coming up soon. I’ve stood out here a few times,” he said, and Adam smiled, stepping up to wrap his arms around Tommy from behind, smiling when Tommy leaned back into him, warm against his chest. Adam leaned his cheek against Tommy’s temple, simply enjoying the day starting around them. When the sun came up, Adam smiled, watching the first rays of the sun crack over the fence. He could feel Tommy relaxing in his arms and smiled, pressing a kiss to the side of his head.
“This is so cheesy and romantic, but I really love this moment,” he admitted softly.
Tommy chuckled, but tipped his head back onto Adam’s shoulder, looking up at him. “Eh, I really love you,” he said, and Adam smiled, meeting his lips in a sweet, chaste kiss. “We’re allowed to be sappy and shit before ten am,” he teased and Adam laughed softly, curling his arms tighter as they continued watching the sun come up.
Adam was pulled from his daydream by the feeling of being watched. The hairs on the back of his neck prickled and he quickly turned around, eyes going to the kitchen doorway immediately, only to frown when no one was there. He looked all around the room and quickly walked out, slightly alarmed. He made a cursory check of the whole house but found nothing out of the ordinary. All of the doors were locked, all the windows were locked, and nothing seemed to be disturbed.
Adam sighed and shook his head. “Maybe I’m going insane,” he muttered, heading to the bedroom to get dressed and start his day. He planned to visit his mother, as per her request, for the first time since the funeral and he didn’t want to just wander around aimlessly when he could at least use the free time to put energy into getting ready.
Adam opened his closet for the first time in ages, only to feel a jerk somewhere behind his navel when his eyes immediately went to Tommy’s side of the closet. He wanted to vomit suddenly. He quickly looked to his side and grabbed the first set of clothes he hadn’t worn in a while and all but ran from the closet, firmly shutting the door behind him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adam smiled when he saw his mother sitting at a table outside of the café where they were meeting. It was overcast, so not many people were outside and he knew she had done it on purpose. Adam hugged her as soon as he got to her and sighed. “Hey mom,” he said, and she smiled, kissing his cheek before pulling away to sit.
“How are you?” she asked and Adam sighed, smiling bravely.
“Alright,” he said, and she smiled supportively. “I still haven’t eaten anybody, so that’s good,” he joked and she chuckled softly.
“Did you tell anybody else?” she asked and Adam nodded.
“I told Brad. Everybody I want to know, knows now. I’m done dropping bombs,” he said with a weak chuckle. “Besides, it’s probably bad enough eight people know that I’m ‘changed’.” Adam’s air quotes were implied so well Leila laughed.
“Aww, well I’m sure it won’t backfire. It’s only people you trust.” Leila smiled sadly. “How are you otherwise?” she asked and Adam knew what she meant.
He shrugged. “Not much better, really, but… I kinda don’t think that’s really expected of me.”
Leila nodded sadly. “No, pretty much you’re allowed to not get better for however long it takes.”
Adam picked at his sleeve. “I think I’m going crazy,” he said, and she raised an eyebrow. “It’s probably paranoia from being in a traumatic situation not terribly long ago, but I keep feeling like someone’s in the house watching me. Or walking down the street watching me. I just feel watched all the time. Nothing’s ever there, but it’s really annoying,” he said with a grumpy tone.
Leila smiled sadly. “Aww, it’s probably just post traumatic stress, baby. You’re allowed to not be yourself for a while,” she said.
Adam snorted. “I’m a fucking undead monster now, I’m pretty sure that’s number one for the ‘not yourself’ category,” he said bitterly and she nudged his foot under the table.
“Then you definitely win the award for best dressed in your category,” she joked, and Adam actually burst out laughing, feeling so happy to honestly laugh. “It’s good to see you actually look happy for the first time in ages, Adam,” she said.
Adam sighed. “It goes and comes,” he said, shrugging. “Sutan says I’m not handling it well, but… what the fuck does he expect, you know?” he asked.
She smiled sadly. “People handle things in their own ways. If you need anything, just let me know,” she said.
Adam bit his lip. “Neil’s coming to help me pack some of Tommy’s things up and I’d sort of like you to be there,” he cringed. “I kind of think I’m gonna need my mom,” he admitted softly.
She shook her head sadly. “You haven’t even packed up his things yet?” she asked and he huffed.
“It’s only been a month, Mom!” he said indignantly.
“Adam, it’s been more than a month, more like a month and a half. Baby, I know you are allowed to handle things differently sometimes, but… you kind of need to at least start trying to get past this. His stuff being strewn around has to make it harder and harder to hurt less and you know it,” she said pointedly.
Adam shrugged. “I just… can’t do it alone. Neil offered and I figure it’s time,” he said softly. Leila just grabbed his hands, squeezing them supportively.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Neil and Leila were fishing random things they knew weren’t Adam’s from around the house, such as random horror film action figures and the posters in the hallway that they knew Adam hadn’t put up when he and Tommy first moved in, while Adam sorted through the DVD collection, taking out the ones that were Tommy’s (and occasionally some Tommy had stolen from his friends).
“What about the closet?” Neil asked as he walked down with a box. Leila came out of the kitchen with some more boxes and cringed, looking at them.
“We’ll need more boxes, won’t we?” she asked, and Adam sighed, standing up.
“I’ll do the closet. Some of our stuff’s probably mixed and I don’t want you guys to accidentally box up my stuff,” he said, taking a box. “I sorted out the DVDs, the big pile are his and the smaller pile are ones he ‘borrowed’ from friends,” he said, smiling a small smile at the memory of Tommy’s motto of ‘I do plan on returning them, I just never said when’.
Leila smiled and shook her head. “That kid was something else,” she said, and Adam just nodded, sighing heavily.
“He sure was,” he said, then turned to go up to his room. “If you need me, I’ll probably be fighting with the closet,” he joked weakly.
As Adam opened the closet door, he was suddenly hit with a strange sensation of being watched again, but as he looked around, he saw no one. He shook it off, however, as he faced the closet again, feeling his breath catch as he looked at the rack full of Tommy’s clothes. He took a breath and put down the box as he started taking clothes down, one piece at a time.
After a good few minutes, Adam looked up and frowned as he found Tommy’s jewelry box. He thought Tommy had left it in the bathroom cabinet. He took it down and opened it up, smiling sadly as he saw the earrings Adam had bought him for Christmas at the top of the pile of tangled earrings. He felt tears filling his eyes as he looked through the necklaces in the drawer below, remembering each and every one in association with times Tommy wore them. He opened the bottom drawer and felt another frown growing. The only thing in it was a small jewelry pouch.
He grabbed it and sat the jewelry box up on the shelf again as he opened the drawstrings, feeling a hardness inside it. Adam tipped it over in his palm, dumping two silver rings out in his hand. His frown deepened in confusion as he picked the larger one up, looking around it for some kind of design. Tommy had worn rings occasionally, but he didn’t recognize these. They didn’t have any designs on the outside and they were both the same, only different sizes. Adam noticed something on the inside band of the one between his fingers and squinted to read the small text in the dim light of the closet.
Together
Adam felt his heart suddenly stop as he felt realization filling him. He looked at the smaller one quickly, only to find even more trouble reading the script, as it was smaller on the smaller band. He turned and headed back out into the bedroom, tripping over the box in the doorway in his haste. He fell to the ground with a thud, dropping both of the rings. The larger one fell beside him, but the smaller one rolled a few feet away, next to the bed. He grabbed the larger one and scrambled for the smaller on, sitting on his knees as his chest heaved with a sickening feeling. He managed to hold it with shakey hands just steady enough to read the word inside of it.
Forever
Adam’s world stopped. He felt his heart breaking all over again. He didn’t even realize he was full on sobbing again until he was interrupted by footsteps rushing into the room.
“Adam?! I heard a thud, are you okay?” Leila asked, walking into the room quickly, only to gasp and rush over when she saw Adam on his knees, shaking and crying. “Oh baby, are you okay?” she asked softly, sitting on the bed beside him.
Adam looked up and knew from the look on her face that his emotions must’ve translated well in his face. He vaguely saw Neil walking in but he was too busy looking back at his hands. He put both rings in his left hand and held it out to his mother, who frowned but let him drop them in her palm. “Mommy,” he squeaked softly and she looked at her hand, frowning. Adam watched as she turned them over in confusion, only to see the moment of realization as she read the inscriptions and her hands began to shake as well.
“Oh God,” she whispered, looking up. “Did you-“
Adam let out a weak sob. “I found them. They were- there was a little velvet pouch in his jewelry box, and- and I thought he left the box in the bathroom cabinet, I guess- I guess he put it in the closet to- to keep me from trying to steal some earrings and- and-“ He let out a ragged sob, putting his face in his hands as his shoulders shook.
Neil walked over. “Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked, squatting down beside his brother, rubbing his shoulders.
Leila looked up with tears in her eyes. “I think- I think Tommy was planning to ask Adam to marry him,” she whispered, and Neil’s eyes widened. He held his hand out and she showed him the rings. He read them and closed his eyes, shaking his head.
“Fuck.”
Adam sat back, shoulders slumped as he wiped at his cheeks. “Fuck, a lot of things make sense now,” he said softly. He sniffled and looked up. “He asked me once if- if I saw us making it. Like… for good,” he whispered. “And of course I did, I mean… you know, mom, you know what Tommy was for me. He- he was everything. Fuck, I knew before we even got together that I wanted to spend every fucking second I could with him for the rest of ever,” he shuddered. “And- and I told him I would be there as long as he wanted me. When he asked me, I told him I’d never leave if he didn’t want me too and he told me the same thing all the time… and once he asked me just… casually in the middle of a conversation,” Adam chuckled wetly. “He asked me what- what I thought about marriage, and I said that one day, in the future, I kinda wanted to get married. And he kept asking me when I meant by ‘one day’ and I just pulled a random number out of nowhere and said ‘after I’m thirty’,” he said softly.
He shook his head, sniffling as he tried to stop his tears. “One- one of the last things he said to me before- before things got scary that night-“ he groaned, shaking his head. “He said ‘Just think, in one year you’ll be thirty’ and I said not to remind me and then jokingly said ‘promise you’ll still love me when I’m thirty’-“ Adam smiled sadly, tears filling his eyes as he stared off at the floor. “And he said- he said ‘I’ll love you for the rest of time, Babyboy,’ and- and-“ Adam broke off into a small squeak as he put his hand over his mouth, shaking his head.
Neil shook his head, pulling Adam into a hug, rubbing his back as he cried into his shirt. Leila reached out and stroked Adam’s hair, sniffling as she cried silently. After a while, Adam sighed and sat back, pulling away from them. He had red eyes and lips swollen from crying, but he managed a small smile. “I’ll be okay,” he said softly and the both smiled at him softly. “Seriously, we need to finish this up,” he said, standing up slowly.
Neil stood up and grabbed Adam’s hand, pressing the rings into his palm. “I figure you want these,” he said, and Adam nodded, looking down at them. Leila stood on her toes to kiss his cheek and Neil slapped his back, both of them knowing the best thing to do would be give Adam some space.
Adam sighed heavily, but smiled as he slid the larger one onto his left ring finger and then smiled wider as he slid the smaller one on his right pinky. He looked at the one on his right hand and smiled with a sniffle. “Love you,” he whispered weakly, shaking his head as he went back to the closet. However, as he tried to start boxing up clothes again, he ended up just taking down Tommy’s striped hoodie- the one he’d been wearing the first time Adam ever saw him- to hold as he sat down against the wall and cried. He wrapped his hands in the hoodie, holding it to his chest as he cried, breathing in the lingering ‘Tommy’ scent it held.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adam managed to eventually box up all the clothes and shoes and accessories, though he kept Tommy’s jewelry and some accessories because, to be honest, he wanted them for himself. He found comfort in the idea of wearing Tommy’s necklaces and earrings and things. And a lot of them, he just really liked.
He carried a box of things Tommy had stolen from Monte downstairs and smiled as Leila and Neil looked at him with concern. “I’m done,” he said with a sigh.
“So,” Neil started. “What are we doing with everything? Giving it away? Tossing it?” he asked. “What about the guitars and basses?”
Adam cringed. “Neither. Well, some stuff I plan on giving away, and a lot of this stuff wasn’t his anyways, so I’m giving it back to his friends he stole it all from, but most of it’s just going in the storage closet in the laundry room,” he said, and then sighed when he saw Neil and his mother share a worried look. “Guys-“
“Adam,” Leila started, giving him her most gentle expression. “Baby, I know it’s hard, but… you can’t keep holding on like this. I know- especially after this afternoon- you really aren’t ready to let go, and I understand, but you’ll never start to heal if you keep all of his things in storage,” she reasoned.
Adam sighed. “Look… I just… cant,” he said simply. “I know the ideal thing would be to try and heal, try and move on… but the fact of it is, I’m not.” He walked around, looking at the boxes and piles of things that belonged to Tommy. “It’s not like one day I’m going to look back and be all ‘oh yeah, Tommy, it’s a shame what happened to him, I was really happy with that one’ or something. It’s not-“ he sighed, shoulders drooping. “It’s not going to ever go away. I need to put his stuff away so I can at least stop bursting into tears when I want to watch a DVD, but the fact of the matter is, I’m fucking undead now. I’m never going to really change. I obviously won’t be moving on to someone else, what with the whole ‘tempted to eat people’ thing, so I really don’t want to try and ‘move on’ or whatever,” he said. “I want to heal, I want to stop hurting so bad, and it will eventually hurt less, I know, but I want to remember every fucking second with him. I mean… all his stuff… its his.” He looked between them. “Would you want me to try and erase all evidence you existed if you died, Neil? You’re my brother, I’ll never have a new brother.”
“Adam, it’s not-“ Leila started and Adam shook his head.
“It is the same, mom. Tommy was, still is, and most likely always will be my everything. I’m not going to just… try and make it seem like he was never here.” He looked at the guitars and smiled, walking over to slid his fingers along the strings of Tommy’s favorite bass. “Hell, I’m having this hung on the wall,” he said, looking back at them with a smile. “Right there,” he said, pointing to the empty wall opposite the entrance into the living room.
Neil just sighed but shook his head, offering Adam a smile. “Whatever you need, dude,” he said, and Adam smiled.
“Thanks,” he said, looking down at his hands, smiling sadly as he looked at the two silver rings on his hands. He knew those were never leaving his hands, no matter what.
Then I Opened My Eyes