(no subject)
Smiles and her laughter
its the only thing that I've been waiting for a time
regardless of our distance and our hope...grows greater
trapped by pretty eyes and letters for all time
...the only thing that I've been waiting for.
I hope it's something worth the waiting
cause its the only time that I ever feel real
thunder storms could never stop me
cause there's no one in the world like Emily
she's simple yet confusing
her sparkling eyes make me weak and my words, they tremble
days seem like years in this month of December
the winter coldens me for I have yet to sleep
and never will I give up trying because you're everything to me
I hope it's something worth the waiting
its the only time that I ever feel real
thunder storms could never stop me
cause there's no one in the world like Emily,
there's no one in the world like Emily.
I remember one time she told me this song reminded her of me, now i think its completely *180....
*EDIT*:
I talked to a few people tonight about their problems, some i felt that i helped, some i just didn't know what to say....but now that the dust is cleared and everyone has dried their eyes and gone to their respected beds (hopefully feeling better about life in general), i'm left standing in the war field. Even tho the field is clean and the emotional bodies have decomposed, my head is now cluttered and cloudy and well....morbid (but I guess that's just my comfort zone sometimes). I guess helping other people has got me thinking about my own problems and faults. I don't think i could ever be a psychologist....here's a tidbit of info that you might not know, as a kid, I really wanted to be a pyschologist.....you know, help people through words. But anyways, getting back onto the topic at hand, I say this because who does the pyschologest talk to when he needs to clear his mind? So with that said....
So once again i'm faced with certain issues i can't surpass.
A) my scars (emotional & physical) / self concious issues....
why can't i just be happy with who i am?
Why do i always feel that i'm nothing but an ugly piece of shit?
Why can't i take a compliment? Is it because i truely deeply feel that i'm not good looking, "cool" looking, ect...? or Am i just so desprate for constant compliments that i make people repeat it over & over.....
Why must i always chew at my confidence....i hack and hack and hack until one day there will be nothing left. Why can't i look at myself in the mirror and smile, or even think "i look good today"...WHY?!
...ugh...
B) Why am i so in love yet so alone?
How can she make me feel like the one but turn around and make me feel like i'm not even noticed....
confusion and I are comrads, which means pessimistic and I are lovers....but i also commit adultery with poisonous thoughts & words.
C) Why do i turn to alcohol as a break from reality...or why can't i even it up with something else?
Tonight for the first time in.........well, ages, i stayed home on a Saturday night cause i felt so burnt out from drinking, i feel so horrible (mentally). And why do some of my co-workers think its a joke that i drink alot.....i seriously feel hurt when they make fun of me cause it just makes me feel less & less perfect. I guess its my own fault.
I guess when it comes down to it, i just need a hug from someone who really means it. Where it means so much that i never want to let go just cause i feel so safe in their arms.
...i'm not going to be able to sleep tonight...