(no subject)
So my life is kinda been a mess lately....
I got a some what serious case of hypochondria (always thinking your sick or whatever). I'm pretty sure it has alot to do with when I got really sick with my Chron's disease right before grad, and how i missed out on a whole year because of it....
Anyways, lately i find myself finding a million things wrong with me. Every day i find something new thats "wrong" with me. I really can't help it....I have no control of it, it just takes over...
as the song that i'm listening to now says:
"I have no control.
It calls, calls out my name,
It holds, it holds, it holds me down"
Maybe it's because that nothing really good has happen to me in a long time, and i've been looking forward to finally leaving Brockville, that now I got it in my head that i'm going to get sick and be put back in the hospital again....or some stupid shit like that.
So I figured that i'm going to make an appointment with the doctor and finially get some theropy....cause I think this, my depression, my non-existing self confidence....its all linked....shit, I know it's linked. Also perhaps why i've been drinking so much this past year...
I'm also i'm thinking about quitting work a week early (if it doesn't screw everyone else over) just so I can relax and not have that extra stress on my shoulders.
fuck...I hope one day soon i can look back on all of this and just laugh...
To be honest, I just really need out of this fucking town, its depressing here.
Also on a side note...
there's this one set of lyrics that's on the new boysnightout (trainwreck) album that I thought was incredibly beautiful and I really need to share it with anyone who hasn't heard or read it yet. It's from the track "dying"
"Picture yourself in a nightmarish scene of such
grotesque complexity that you'd kill to be dreaming.
Your body's been dying, while your mind has been trying
to make you picture a life where you'd kill for your
lover and a song in your head. The deaths of countless
others simply set up the lyrics for your symphony.
That's where you'll find me."
ugh....simply amazing.