- Doubt < TomoxRui > Ch10 -
Title: Doubt
Chapter: 10/?
Author: heartsthatflies
Genre: Fluff, romance, angst, drama
Rating: NC17
Warnings: Malexmale relationship, language, sexual content
Pairings: TomoxRui
Disclaimer: Vistlip belongs to themselves, the pictures I don’t own either.
Summary: Something was off with their bassist. Tomo couldn’t exactly put his finger on it, but the last few days he had been unusually quiet and reserved, which was slowly started to worry him. What he didn't know then, was that this was just the beginning.
Comment: Finally I can update. :D I'm so exited~ This is slowly coming to an end now O: I think there will be.. maybe two more chapters. I'm not sure though, I don't even know how this will end, but the end is near. Damdamdam. I can't believe it's already 10 chapters long :| But nevermind that, off you go read ;D <3
Chapter 10
Slowly but steadily the scenery had started changing from winter’s brown and grey to more green and the many different colors of the flowers blooming. They sat in the car in their usual formation; Yuh and Umi in the front and the other three in the back with Tomo in the middle. They were a fair distance outside town by now and spring was evident in the surrounding nature.
“If you beat this score Yuh I will… I will be your slave this whole day.” Tohya said with a grin as he handed over the small gaming device to him in the front seat.
“Oh yeah?” he said and laughed out. “You’re that confident, eh?”
“Maybe he want to be your slave, did you think about that?” Tomo smirked, then the next breath he dodged a wrapped in candy that was aimed for his face and exhaled a playful “Hey~”.
“Maybe I’ll loose on purpose then.” Yuh huffed as his fingers swiftly moved over the controls of the PSP. After a few minutes he moved the control more and more, as if he moving it would actually affect the results.
“Be careful with that, I’m driving here.” Umi said and gave the blonde guitarist an amused glare after he almost hit him in the head with the game. He got more and more desperate, it seemed. The next moments after that the words coming out from his mouth made the oldest of them playfully smack him on the head. “Don’t use that language in front of the children!” he joked.
“OH!! I got it!” he started speaking quickly then. “Oh, now just this and then I’ll beat you, smug child in the backseat, I just have to-” he fell silent and went completely still as a melody started playing on the little device, telling them game over. “Fuck!! I was so close! Seriously~!!”
Tohya burst out in victorious laughter and soon dodged a flying candy similar to the way Tomo did before, only not as successfully so it hit the top of his head and fell down in his lap.
“If you want to throw around candy, can’t you buy your own?” Tohya asked and threw it back at him. Yuh had reached over to Umi’s lap where the small box of candy was currently positioned. They continued to playfully argue and it was to say the least amusing the others, or at least the four of them.
Tomo looked to his right and Rui still looked outside the window, he had done so almost the whole time. It looked like he enjoyed the beautiful view they had, but Tomo’s observant eyes didn’t miss that Rui’s weren’t moving the slightest; they just blankly stared out the window. He moved his hand a little in his direction, but halted his motion and retrieved it again. It felt like he needed space, why Tomo didn’t know but he trusted his feelings.
Just like last night, when they had parted ways and went back to their own places. Now when he was doing better it was only natural, they hadn’t even talked about Tomo moving in or anything so it felt wrong to the vocalist just to assume Rui wanted to be around him twenty-four seven all the time. What he was hoping for was that the younger would ask for his presence if he wanted or needed him there. He did know it would take time for Rui to get back on track, for the wounds to heal; it was only normal, and wrong to demand anything else.
It was almost noon when they reached their destination; Lake Kawaguchiko.
They drove up on a small dirt road that led to a beautiful, remote area of the lake where the terrain was steeper. The only reason they could go there was because of Umi’s father; he worked as a executive manager in one of the leading businesses running the tourist attractions in the area, so the leader had a key to the roadblock that kept away unauthorized people and permission to use the area as he wanted as long as he checked in on his father so that it was available beforehand. They had been here several times during the years they had known each other.
They arrived at the small parking space and got out of the car. The surroundings really were gorgeous. They were just by the lake, all kinds of trees surrounding them. Most beautiful right now was the cherry trees; their flowers were in their full bloom. What seemed like hundreds of them traced along the bank of the lake as far as their eyes could see. Rui and Tomo were the first two to walk down to the water where a small wooden pier reached out a fair distance to the lake.
Tomo sneaked an arm around his waist and put his arm on his slim hip. They stood side by side and took in the beautiful view for several minutes. The calm aura was soothing and the only thing they could hear was the quiet sounds of the water and birds happily chirping. For the first time this year it felt like spring had come to stay.
The band spent the day just being together, they walked around and took in the beauty around them. They talked about meaningless things, joked around and had so much fun. It was in times like these nothing else existed, just for a little while.
Evening came; it was pretty cold so they had to wear warm clothes even though they sat around the warm fire. They sat on huge logs that were arranged as seating around the fireplace. Their favorite part of being here was evident now; the cloud free sky was covered in beautiful stars.
Marshmallows were on the menu for dessert, even though more than half of them ended up being just played with or too burned to be eaten. Rui sat quietly pressed up against the vocalist and looked at the fire. It was spell-bounding, the way the flames moved and the occasional cracking sounds. Maybe an hour passed by, the fire started slowly dying down. The other’s small talk was interrupted when Rui started talking, very quietly but the others fell silent at once.
“I walked around and saw people driving to wherever, walking to wherever but I couldn’t understand how and why they were moving. Everything just kept on moving.” It was silent, so very silent when he paused for a while. The fire cracked and sparked some more. “I just wanted the world to halt just a minute to let me understand, to let me grasp the situation. Every minute going by was torture. I didn’t want to keep going, but I didn’t have much choice right? No matter what, the world keeps on turning. It felt brutal, but somewhere it was relieving too.” He paused again. “At first I spaced out very often. I had a hard time to concentrate on pretty much anything. I got restless, I wanted to keep myself occupied so that I didn’t have to think, to remember, to know. Over time it was easier. I didn’t think about it every single second. The days became more… normal. Thanks to you guys.”
This time he was quiet longer and he seemed to get lost somewhere in the intense stare on the fire. It was clear to them all this was something he had thought about for a long time. Tomo squeezed his hand and Tohya gently spoke up. “I’m really glad we can help.”
Tears suddenly started rolling down his cheeks, but he stubbornly looked into the fire. “I just want one minute without the constant pain in my chest. In my heart. In my soul, whatever. It hurts... it hurts so much all the time... I just want it to stop... just for a minute…”
His heartfelt words impacted them all. It was unusual for Rui to be this open, and it reflected the fact that he had changed.
“I want to live…I really want to live, and I’m so scared that you all will disappear. I know it’s not rational but I can’t help it, I…” his voice faded out in a whisper. “You’re my family. I love you guys… so much.”
Tomo tightened his grip around him. Yuh was the first one to walk up to him and embrace him gently. “I love you too, little Ruisu.” He said before he was more or less tackled away by their drummer who fought his way through and then flew into the welcomed hug. Tomo saw him shaking slightly so he started stroking his back up and down some.
“You know, if you don’t let him go soon I might get jealous.” he joked and to that they all laughed out a bit, at the same time he stroke away a tear that rolled down his own cheek.
“Sorry then.” The drummer said and sniffled some. He let go of the bassist and sat down in the vocalist’s lap. At the same time Umi who was sitting to Rui’s right side took his hand. This was a moment when words weren’t needed, or no matter which words they would use it wouldn’t be enough, so in the end they ended up saying nothing at all.
Tohya ended up halfway in Tomo’s lap where he snuggled up close and almost fell asleep, Tomo stroke his hair and slowly rocked back and forward. He was such a sweetheart, their little drummer.
“Let’s pack up before you two fall asleep.” Yuh huffed at the same time as he stood up and stretched out. Rui leaned on their bassist, indeed looking like he would fall asleep any moment.
“Good idea, you are a bit big to carry to the car.” Umi said softly and pat the bassist on the back.
Emotionally drained, that was what Rui was, but in a good way. After opening up so much and let out that much of the tension inside him had a calming effect, but at the same time it was exhausting. In the car back home he welcomed the sleep that came quickly.
Another week passed by with photo shoots, a few interviews and comment-recordings. Their single was successfully released at last, and it went over their expectations. After that their short tour was completed just as successfully and before they knew it spring was slowly turning into summer.
They had entered the stage of making new songs, this was where they were as close together and yet far away at times. When they all let their creativity flow, where they let themselves go to the music, occasionally together but also alone.
Tomo had spent the last three days all by himself. Thinking, analyzing, trying to express the thoughts and feelings that stirred inside him. As much as he loved it, otherwise he wouldn’t do it, he also hated it. It was frustrating, and most of the time it was difficult to choose the right words- the right way of saying things. He could spend hours trying to figure out on how to say certain expressions so that it would be portrayed the way he wanted. He knew it was worth the hard work though. When he was finished and approved of the end result there was not much that was more satisfying and fulfilling.
When he came back to the studio at the end of the week, first thing he hugged the bassist close. Rui, his best friend. His lover. It had all happened to naturally he couldn’t believe they had gone this long time resisting each other. He couldn’t imagine himself without Rui right there by his side. In his arms. He couldn’t get enough of the sweet smell, the soft hair and skin. His Rui.
“I’ve missed you.” he whispered in his ear, and he got an “I’ve missed you too” back.
“Sorry to interrupt your cozy reunion but I need to use the door.” the drummer said and playfully smacked the vocalist on the butt. They did block the way, when Tomo entered the room he hadn’t taken even one step into the room until Rui was there in his arms. They moved aside and Tomo aimed a slow kick in his direction, but missed since he quickly stepped out the door.
At lunch time he and Umi walked next to each other along the street nearby their work place, their goal was to get some food.
“What’s wrong?” Umi suddenly asked and gave him an examining look.
"Huh?"
“Even for you, you’re walking really slowly and you keep spacing out.” Umi said. “Not that spacing out isn’t really like you either. But I know that look on your face.”
Tomo looked down and smiled a faint smile. “First of all, I’m walking like normal! I don’t walk slowly, you’re the one walking like your pants are on fire.” he grinned.
“Right.” the black haired guitarist huffed. Avoiding the subject, huh? “Seriously though, is it Rui?”
Tomo got it. He wouldn’t get away with it, as always. “I don’t know. Honestly, I just feel like there is something he’s not telling me and it won’t stop bugging me.” he said and scratched his head.
Umi hummed and observed him for a moment, his dark eyes framed by his black glasses. They stopped by a red light. “What do you mean with hm?” Tomo asked and held eye contact with him for a long while.
“You wanna know what I think?” he said and looked out over the passing cars.
“Of course I do.”
“You read Rui better than anyone.” his soothing voice had something Tomo couldn’t define in it. “You have a special bond with him, and if you feel that way it’s probably true.” Just then the light turned green and the beeping sound let them know it was free to go. Tomo looked down and they started walking.
“I want to help him, but I just feel like I’m too pushy with him sometimes. But I mean, he’s not even eating as he should when I don’t make him… He tells me he’s sleeping much better but I just…” his voice faded and he silently stared at the sky, as if there could be an answer there somewhere.
“I know, you wished you believed him.”
“I just want him to be honest and tell me what’s going on in his head.” he said, and knew that the slight hurt tone in his voice didn’t go unnoticed. “I know it will take time for him to get through the grief of losing Kazuo, but at the same time it feels like there’s something more. I do trust him when he say it got nothing to do with us or with me in anyway, but that doesn’t help me when I can’t sleep at night knowing he’s most likely suffering and in pain.”
“Rui is used to get through hard times by himself, alone.” Umi said and moved out of the way for a man walking faster than them. “It’s so hard breaking that pattern. Rather than looking for support he closes in on himself and yes, suffers alone. You would have to ask him, but I don’t think he thinks you’re too pushy. He loves you, he just don’t know how to reach out to you.”
“That makes sense.” the vocalist said and sighed deeply.
“If he has a hard time talking about it, tell him to write about it, to draw it, to make a piece of music about it, to sign it or whatever you can think of. He doesn’t even have to show you, or anyone for that matter. You have to break his silent pattern.”
Tomo nodded and checked for cars on a small street they passed. “Thanks.” he said and smiled.
When they came back with the food a while later they ate together before they continued with the work. To Tomo’s delight Rui seemed to be in a very good mood and it cheered him up too. They decided to call it for today when the last rays of the sun had disappeared and turned the landscape into twilight, and Rui went home with Tomo.
In the car Rui had trouble to keep himself away from the vocalist. His hand took a journey all over his body, from his hair down to his thigh in a comfortable and cozy way. Of course he couldn’t stop himself from playfully stroking his fingers close to his pants covered groin, which got him a “Hey, I’m driving here.”-lecture, but to that he just grinned.
It didn’t take many minutes after they got home until their lips collided in a yawning kiss. Tonight would be different. Tomo let the bassist take control already when their kiss deepened and he felt the slight insecurity coming creeping there already.
“Stop. Thinking.” he exhaled when their lips temporarily parted to suck in some air. “Just feel.” he said, calm and assuring before he closed the distance between them again, pressing not only his lips against the other’s but also his whole body; his arm tightened their hold around his slim waist. Not unintentionally he put extra power to his hips, buckling them up with quite some force drawing deep moans into their kiss. He wanted Rui to step up and do something he hadn’t done before in this situation. Take control. If he wanted to. He would let him be in charge as much as he wanted. He wasn’t sure how far the younger had courage to go, but he was going to let him.
Tomo’s back collided with the door into the bedroom and his body responded urgently to the bassist pressing up against him, trembling all over as he broke their intense kiss and breathed heavy, shaky breaths. Before he knew it both their shirts were gone and soft fingertips traced along his abdomen muscles which made them spasm and send waves of bliss through his whole body. His own hands buried themselves in the brown strands of hair and guided the other’s gorgeous lips back to his own.
At the same time Rui had opened the door and was leading the way to the bed. His fingertips wandered once again over the flat, muscular stomach and down to his hips where they traced the line of his, by now uncomfortably tight pants, before he unbuttoned them and nudged them off the slim hips and let them fall down to the floor. Their kiss couldn’t get deep enough; they both just paused briefly to inhale some air here and there. The vocalist busied himself with the other’s pants at the same time his lips left the other’s and assaulted his neck instead. Licking, sucking and nibbling his way down to the left nipple at the same time as he whispered gentle words. He first licked and kissed around it in quite big circles, the more he closed in the faster the younger breathed and he felt hands burying themselves in his blonde locks when he obviously got painfully close without actually touching the overly sensitive bud.
Teasingly the blonde exhaled a breathy moan and felt the flat stomach spasm under his touch, at last ravishing it, sucking and licking on it which made the brunette grab his shoulders for support. A throaty moan sounded from within that tempting chest and his hips was living a life of its own, thrusting repeatedly against Tomo’s chest which made him smile a smug grin as he slowly made his way to the other side. By the time he was done the bassist seemed to fight hard for the last bit of his self control. Just the way Tomo wanted it. When both of them were free from clothing he took a step back and crawled up backwards into the bed, never losing contact with the other’s lips. The younger started shaking more and more, alerting the vocalist a bit. He pulled him down with him into a half-lying position, the brunette now hovering above him.
How the vocalist had got a hold of the tube of the lubricant Rui didn’t know, and didn’t care either. Tomo’s hands were occupied for a few seconds, coating his own hand and fingers with the lube. With his free hand he stroke the younger’s cheek, and at the same time his lube-coated hand closed around his fully grown erection. He inhaled a sharp breath and leaned his head down onto the elder’s shoulder, barely able to keep still. Tomo slowly moved his hand up and down, making sure he got covered in enough lube. He turned his head and inhaled the sweet fragrance of the other’s shampoo, mixed with his own very unique scent, nuzzling his face into the soft strands of hair. “Just feel.” he reminded tenderly. “It’s okay.” It really was.
Tomo took the little that was left from the lube on his hand and wiped it off. The bassist raised himself up a bit, now leaning down his forehead against the vocalist’s. The blonde slowly kissed him and stroke his palms with quite some pressure up and down his sides and up his back. “Don’t think.” he whispered and kissed him again. “Just feel. Trust me.”
Trust, he did. To the end of the world. That was why he let that last bit of doubt, the last bit of hesitation and also the last bit of self control snap away; with one swift motion he buried himself deep in the vocalist. Whatever little pain Tomo felt, was a good pain and anyway so covered up by the blissful feeling of Rui inside him. It felt so damn good, not only physically, but mentally as well. He caught those red, swollen lips in an open mouth kiss, moaning into it as the bassist slowly started moving his hips. Tomo’s hands didn’t stay still for a second, stroking over his body as far as he could reach and back up into his soft hair, then back down again. His lips wondered down from the other’s lips, down to his neck and shoulders.
I love you. I love you. I love you.
---
Later that week they had a day off. Yuh and Rui decided to visit a new clothes store that had opened recently. Tohya had made some plans with a friend of his and so had Umi.
“You sure you don’t want to come?” the blond guitarist sounded a bit disappointed, holding his cell phone to his ear as they walked along a street towards the train station near Rui’s apartment. The guitarist had parked his car there, finding parking space in the area of the town they headed would be mission impossible. Rui couldn’t hear what Tomo answered, but understood from the reply “Okay, see you tomorrow then.” that he wouldn’t come. He said goodbye and hung up the phone.
“He’s just going to stay home and watch a movie or two and play some games. Very social of him.” he huffed. Not that he didn’t understand, being around as much people as they were all days long made days alone needed from time to time. At least for himself, he guessed that it had been the case for his fellow blonde.
“Let’s have a great time so he’ll be jealous tomorrow then.” Rui said and smiled brightly. He would lie to himself if he said he didn’t hope the vocalist would join them… but he would survive a day without him, maybe he would go to his place later.
They spend the day walking around different stores, mostly looking but both of them found some stuff they bought. When the time neared five in the afternoon Yuh suggested they stopped somewhere to eat dinner, which were very much approved by the brunette. In a side street they found a kind of remote pasta restaurant and they both were exited to try some new food. They were shown a table and waited for the menus as they chitchatted about random stuff.
After a few moments the mood drastically changed. Yuh saw the younger freeze, his face turned ashy white as his eyes fixated at something behind him. He turned his head and saw the waiter standing there just a few steps away, his features frozen as well. Yuh looked back and forward between the two and wondered what was going on. He suspected that this wasn’t some long-time-no-see friendly encounter, it was rather something that made his beloved friend look like a deer caught in the headlights.
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Ah, some final drama. I'm exited! xD
If anyone is interested, I imagine the mystery waiter's looks to be similar to Karyu of D'espairsray. And here's a picture of how I imagine Kazuo around the time Rui stumbled upon him. :3
Thank you for reading. ^-^ <3
Chapter: 10/?
Author: heartsthatflies
Genre: Fluff, romance, angst, drama
Rating: NC17
Warnings: Malexmale relationship, language, sexual content
Pairings: TomoxRui
Disclaimer: Vistlip belongs to themselves, the pictures I don’t own either.
Summary: Something was off with their bassist. Tomo couldn’t exactly put his finger on it, but the last few days he had been unusually quiet and reserved, which was slowly started to worry him. What he didn't know then, was that this was just the beginning.
Comment: Finally I can update. :D I'm so exited~ This is slowly coming to an end now O: I think there will be.. maybe two more chapters. I'm not sure though, I don't even know how this will end, but the end is near. Damdamdam. I can't believe it's already 10 chapters long :| But nevermind that, off you go read ;D <3
Chapter 10
Slowly but steadily the scenery had started changing from winter’s brown and grey to more green and the many different colors of the flowers blooming. They sat in the car in their usual formation; Yuh and Umi in the front and the other three in the back with Tomo in the middle. They were a fair distance outside town by now and spring was evident in the surrounding nature.
“If you beat this score Yuh I will… I will be your slave this whole day.” Tohya said with a grin as he handed over the small gaming device to him in the front seat.
“Oh yeah?” he said and laughed out. “You’re that confident, eh?”
“Maybe he want to be your slave, did you think about that?” Tomo smirked, then the next breath he dodged a wrapped in candy that was aimed for his face and exhaled a playful “Hey~”.
“Maybe I’ll loose on purpose then.” Yuh huffed as his fingers swiftly moved over the controls of the PSP. After a few minutes he moved the control more and more, as if he moving it would actually affect the results.
“Be careful with that, I’m driving here.” Umi said and gave the blonde guitarist an amused glare after he almost hit him in the head with the game. He got more and more desperate, it seemed. The next moments after that the words coming out from his mouth made the oldest of them playfully smack him on the head. “Don’t use that language in front of the children!” he joked.
“OH!! I got it!” he started speaking quickly then. “Oh, now just this and then I’ll beat you, smug child in the backseat, I just have to-” he fell silent and went completely still as a melody started playing on the little device, telling them game over. “Fuck!! I was so close! Seriously~!!”
Tohya burst out in victorious laughter and soon dodged a flying candy similar to the way Tomo did before, only not as successfully so it hit the top of his head and fell down in his lap.
“If you want to throw around candy, can’t you buy your own?” Tohya asked and threw it back at him. Yuh had reached over to Umi’s lap where the small box of candy was currently positioned. They continued to playfully argue and it was to say the least amusing the others, or at least the four of them.
Tomo looked to his right and Rui still looked outside the window, he had done so almost the whole time. It looked like he enjoyed the beautiful view they had, but Tomo’s observant eyes didn’t miss that Rui’s weren’t moving the slightest; they just blankly stared out the window. He moved his hand a little in his direction, but halted his motion and retrieved it again. It felt like he needed space, why Tomo didn’t know but he trusted his feelings.
Just like last night, when they had parted ways and went back to their own places. Now when he was doing better it was only natural, they hadn’t even talked about Tomo moving in or anything so it felt wrong to the vocalist just to assume Rui wanted to be around him twenty-four seven all the time. What he was hoping for was that the younger would ask for his presence if he wanted or needed him there. He did know it would take time for Rui to get back on track, for the wounds to heal; it was only normal, and wrong to demand anything else.
It was almost noon when they reached their destination; Lake Kawaguchiko.
They drove up on a small dirt road that led to a beautiful, remote area of the lake where the terrain was steeper. The only reason they could go there was because of Umi’s father; he worked as a executive manager in one of the leading businesses running the tourist attractions in the area, so the leader had a key to the roadblock that kept away unauthorized people and permission to use the area as he wanted as long as he checked in on his father so that it was available beforehand. They had been here several times during the years they had known each other.
They arrived at the small parking space and got out of the car. The surroundings really were gorgeous. They were just by the lake, all kinds of trees surrounding them. Most beautiful right now was the cherry trees; their flowers were in their full bloom. What seemed like hundreds of them traced along the bank of the lake as far as their eyes could see. Rui and Tomo were the first two to walk down to the water where a small wooden pier reached out a fair distance to the lake.
Tomo sneaked an arm around his waist and put his arm on his slim hip. They stood side by side and took in the beautiful view for several minutes. The calm aura was soothing and the only thing they could hear was the quiet sounds of the water and birds happily chirping. For the first time this year it felt like spring had come to stay.
The band spent the day just being together, they walked around and took in the beauty around them. They talked about meaningless things, joked around and had so much fun. It was in times like these nothing else existed, just for a little while.
Evening came; it was pretty cold so they had to wear warm clothes even though they sat around the warm fire. They sat on huge logs that were arranged as seating around the fireplace. Their favorite part of being here was evident now; the cloud free sky was covered in beautiful stars.
Marshmallows were on the menu for dessert, even though more than half of them ended up being just played with or too burned to be eaten. Rui sat quietly pressed up against the vocalist and looked at the fire. It was spell-bounding, the way the flames moved and the occasional cracking sounds. Maybe an hour passed by, the fire started slowly dying down. The other’s small talk was interrupted when Rui started talking, very quietly but the others fell silent at once.
“I walked around and saw people driving to wherever, walking to wherever but I couldn’t understand how and why they were moving. Everything just kept on moving.” It was silent, so very silent when he paused for a while. The fire cracked and sparked some more. “I just wanted the world to halt just a minute to let me understand, to let me grasp the situation. Every minute going by was torture. I didn’t want to keep going, but I didn’t have much choice right? No matter what, the world keeps on turning. It felt brutal, but somewhere it was relieving too.” He paused again. “At first I spaced out very often. I had a hard time to concentrate on pretty much anything. I got restless, I wanted to keep myself occupied so that I didn’t have to think, to remember, to know. Over time it was easier. I didn’t think about it every single second. The days became more… normal. Thanks to you guys.”
This time he was quiet longer and he seemed to get lost somewhere in the intense stare on the fire. It was clear to them all this was something he had thought about for a long time. Tomo squeezed his hand and Tohya gently spoke up. “I’m really glad we can help.”
Tears suddenly started rolling down his cheeks, but he stubbornly looked into the fire. “I just want one minute without the constant pain in my chest. In my heart. In my soul, whatever. It hurts... it hurts so much all the time... I just want it to stop... just for a minute…”
His heartfelt words impacted them all. It was unusual for Rui to be this open, and it reflected the fact that he had changed.
“I want to live…I really want to live, and I’m so scared that you all will disappear. I know it’s not rational but I can’t help it, I…” his voice faded out in a whisper. “You’re my family. I love you guys… so much.”
Tomo tightened his grip around him. Yuh was the first one to walk up to him and embrace him gently. “I love you too, little Ruisu.” He said before he was more or less tackled away by their drummer who fought his way through and then flew into the welcomed hug. Tomo saw him shaking slightly so he started stroking his back up and down some.
“You know, if you don’t let him go soon I might get jealous.” he joked and to that they all laughed out a bit, at the same time he stroke away a tear that rolled down his own cheek.
“Sorry then.” The drummer said and sniffled some. He let go of the bassist and sat down in the vocalist’s lap. At the same time Umi who was sitting to Rui’s right side took his hand. This was a moment when words weren’t needed, or no matter which words they would use it wouldn’t be enough, so in the end they ended up saying nothing at all.
Tohya ended up halfway in Tomo’s lap where he snuggled up close and almost fell asleep, Tomo stroke his hair and slowly rocked back and forward. He was such a sweetheart, their little drummer.
“Let’s pack up before you two fall asleep.” Yuh huffed at the same time as he stood up and stretched out. Rui leaned on their bassist, indeed looking like he would fall asleep any moment.
“Good idea, you are a bit big to carry to the car.” Umi said softly and pat the bassist on the back.
Emotionally drained, that was what Rui was, but in a good way. After opening up so much and let out that much of the tension inside him had a calming effect, but at the same time it was exhausting. In the car back home he welcomed the sleep that came quickly.
Another week passed by with photo shoots, a few interviews and comment-recordings. Their single was successfully released at last, and it went over their expectations. After that their short tour was completed just as successfully and before they knew it spring was slowly turning into summer.
They had entered the stage of making new songs, this was where they were as close together and yet far away at times. When they all let their creativity flow, where they let themselves go to the music, occasionally together but also alone.
Tomo had spent the last three days all by himself. Thinking, analyzing, trying to express the thoughts and feelings that stirred inside him. As much as he loved it, otherwise he wouldn’t do it, he also hated it. It was frustrating, and most of the time it was difficult to choose the right words- the right way of saying things. He could spend hours trying to figure out on how to say certain expressions so that it would be portrayed the way he wanted. He knew it was worth the hard work though. When he was finished and approved of the end result there was not much that was more satisfying and fulfilling.
When he came back to the studio at the end of the week, first thing he hugged the bassist close. Rui, his best friend. His lover. It had all happened to naturally he couldn’t believe they had gone this long time resisting each other. He couldn’t imagine himself without Rui right there by his side. In his arms. He couldn’t get enough of the sweet smell, the soft hair and skin. His Rui.
“I’ve missed you.” he whispered in his ear, and he got an “I’ve missed you too” back.
“Sorry to interrupt your cozy reunion but I need to use the door.” the drummer said and playfully smacked the vocalist on the butt. They did block the way, when Tomo entered the room he hadn’t taken even one step into the room until Rui was there in his arms. They moved aside and Tomo aimed a slow kick in his direction, but missed since he quickly stepped out the door.
At lunch time he and Umi walked next to each other along the street nearby their work place, their goal was to get some food.
“What’s wrong?” Umi suddenly asked and gave him an examining look.
"Huh?"
“Even for you, you’re walking really slowly and you keep spacing out.” Umi said. “Not that spacing out isn’t really like you either. But I know that look on your face.”
Tomo looked down and smiled a faint smile. “First of all, I’m walking like normal! I don’t walk slowly, you’re the one walking like your pants are on fire.” he grinned.
“Right.” the black haired guitarist huffed. Avoiding the subject, huh? “Seriously though, is it Rui?”
Tomo got it. He wouldn’t get away with it, as always. “I don’t know. Honestly, I just feel like there is something he’s not telling me and it won’t stop bugging me.” he said and scratched his head.
Umi hummed and observed him for a moment, his dark eyes framed by his black glasses. They stopped by a red light. “What do you mean with hm?” Tomo asked and held eye contact with him for a long while.
“You wanna know what I think?” he said and looked out over the passing cars.
“Of course I do.”
“You read Rui better than anyone.” his soothing voice had something Tomo couldn’t define in it. “You have a special bond with him, and if you feel that way it’s probably true.” Just then the light turned green and the beeping sound let them know it was free to go. Tomo looked down and they started walking.
“I want to help him, but I just feel like I’m too pushy with him sometimes. But I mean, he’s not even eating as he should when I don’t make him… He tells me he’s sleeping much better but I just…” his voice faded and he silently stared at the sky, as if there could be an answer there somewhere.
“I know, you wished you believed him.”
“I just want him to be honest and tell me what’s going on in his head.” he said, and knew that the slight hurt tone in his voice didn’t go unnoticed. “I know it will take time for him to get through the grief of losing Kazuo, but at the same time it feels like there’s something more. I do trust him when he say it got nothing to do with us or with me in anyway, but that doesn’t help me when I can’t sleep at night knowing he’s most likely suffering and in pain.”
“Rui is used to get through hard times by himself, alone.” Umi said and moved out of the way for a man walking faster than them. “It’s so hard breaking that pattern. Rather than looking for support he closes in on himself and yes, suffers alone. You would have to ask him, but I don’t think he thinks you’re too pushy. He loves you, he just don’t know how to reach out to you.”
“That makes sense.” the vocalist said and sighed deeply.
“If he has a hard time talking about it, tell him to write about it, to draw it, to make a piece of music about it, to sign it or whatever you can think of. He doesn’t even have to show you, or anyone for that matter. You have to break his silent pattern.”
Tomo nodded and checked for cars on a small street they passed. “Thanks.” he said and smiled.
When they came back with the food a while later they ate together before they continued with the work. To Tomo’s delight Rui seemed to be in a very good mood and it cheered him up too. They decided to call it for today when the last rays of the sun had disappeared and turned the landscape into twilight, and Rui went home with Tomo.
In the car Rui had trouble to keep himself away from the vocalist. His hand took a journey all over his body, from his hair down to his thigh in a comfortable and cozy way. Of course he couldn’t stop himself from playfully stroking his fingers close to his pants covered groin, which got him a “Hey, I’m driving here.”-lecture, but to that he just grinned.
It didn’t take many minutes after they got home until their lips collided in a yawning kiss. Tonight would be different. Tomo let the bassist take control already when their kiss deepened and he felt the slight insecurity coming creeping there already.
“Stop. Thinking.” he exhaled when their lips temporarily parted to suck in some air. “Just feel.” he said, calm and assuring before he closed the distance between them again, pressing not only his lips against the other’s but also his whole body; his arm tightened their hold around his slim waist. Not unintentionally he put extra power to his hips, buckling them up with quite some force drawing deep moans into their kiss. He wanted Rui to step up and do something he hadn’t done before in this situation. Take control. If he wanted to. He would let him be in charge as much as he wanted. He wasn’t sure how far the younger had courage to go, but he was going to let him.
Tomo’s back collided with the door into the bedroom and his body responded urgently to the bassist pressing up against him, trembling all over as he broke their intense kiss and breathed heavy, shaky breaths. Before he knew it both their shirts were gone and soft fingertips traced along his abdomen muscles which made them spasm and send waves of bliss through his whole body. His own hands buried themselves in the brown strands of hair and guided the other’s gorgeous lips back to his own.
At the same time Rui had opened the door and was leading the way to the bed. His fingertips wandered once again over the flat, muscular stomach and down to his hips where they traced the line of his, by now uncomfortably tight pants, before he unbuttoned them and nudged them off the slim hips and let them fall down to the floor. Their kiss couldn’t get deep enough; they both just paused briefly to inhale some air here and there. The vocalist busied himself with the other’s pants at the same time his lips left the other’s and assaulted his neck instead. Licking, sucking and nibbling his way down to the left nipple at the same time as he whispered gentle words. He first licked and kissed around it in quite big circles, the more he closed in the faster the younger breathed and he felt hands burying themselves in his blonde locks when he obviously got painfully close without actually touching the overly sensitive bud.
Teasingly the blonde exhaled a breathy moan and felt the flat stomach spasm under his touch, at last ravishing it, sucking and licking on it which made the brunette grab his shoulders for support. A throaty moan sounded from within that tempting chest and his hips was living a life of its own, thrusting repeatedly against Tomo’s chest which made him smile a smug grin as he slowly made his way to the other side. By the time he was done the bassist seemed to fight hard for the last bit of his self control. Just the way Tomo wanted it. When both of them were free from clothing he took a step back and crawled up backwards into the bed, never losing contact with the other’s lips. The younger started shaking more and more, alerting the vocalist a bit. He pulled him down with him into a half-lying position, the brunette now hovering above him.
How the vocalist had got a hold of the tube of the lubricant Rui didn’t know, and didn’t care either. Tomo’s hands were occupied for a few seconds, coating his own hand and fingers with the lube. With his free hand he stroke the younger’s cheek, and at the same time his lube-coated hand closed around his fully grown erection. He inhaled a sharp breath and leaned his head down onto the elder’s shoulder, barely able to keep still. Tomo slowly moved his hand up and down, making sure he got covered in enough lube. He turned his head and inhaled the sweet fragrance of the other’s shampoo, mixed with his own very unique scent, nuzzling his face into the soft strands of hair. “Just feel.” he reminded tenderly. “It’s okay.” It really was.
Tomo took the little that was left from the lube on his hand and wiped it off. The bassist raised himself up a bit, now leaning down his forehead against the vocalist’s. The blonde slowly kissed him and stroke his palms with quite some pressure up and down his sides and up his back. “Don’t think.” he whispered and kissed him again. “Just feel. Trust me.”
Trust, he did. To the end of the world. That was why he let that last bit of doubt, the last bit of hesitation and also the last bit of self control snap away; with one swift motion he buried himself deep in the vocalist. Whatever little pain Tomo felt, was a good pain and anyway so covered up by the blissful feeling of Rui inside him. It felt so damn good, not only physically, but mentally as well. He caught those red, swollen lips in an open mouth kiss, moaning into it as the bassist slowly started moving his hips. Tomo’s hands didn’t stay still for a second, stroking over his body as far as he could reach and back up into his soft hair, then back down again. His lips wondered down from the other’s lips, down to his neck and shoulders.
I love you. I love you. I love you.
---
Later that week they had a day off. Yuh and Rui decided to visit a new clothes store that had opened recently. Tohya had made some plans with a friend of his and so had Umi.
“You sure you don’t want to come?” the blond guitarist sounded a bit disappointed, holding his cell phone to his ear as they walked along a street towards the train station near Rui’s apartment. The guitarist had parked his car there, finding parking space in the area of the town they headed would be mission impossible. Rui couldn’t hear what Tomo answered, but understood from the reply “Okay, see you tomorrow then.” that he wouldn’t come. He said goodbye and hung up the phone.
“He’s just going to stay home and watch a movie or two and play some games. Very social of him.” he huffed. Not that he didn’t understand, being around as much people as they were all days long made days alone needed from time to time. At least for himself, he guessed that it had been the case for his fellow blonde.
“Let’s have a great time so he’ll be jealous tomorrow then.” Rui said and smiled brightly. He would lie to himself if he said he didn’t hope the vocalist would join them… but he would survive a day without him, maybe he would go to his place later.
They spend the day walking around different stores, mostly looking but both of them found some stuff they bought. When the time neared five in the afternoon Yuh suggested they stopped somewhere to eat dinner, which were very much approved by the brunette. In a side street they found a kind of remote pasta restaurant and they both were exited to try some new food. They were shown a table and waited for the menus as they chitchatted about random stuff.
After a few moments the mood drastically changed. Yuh saw the younger freeze, his face turned ashy white as his eyes fixated at something behind him. He turned his head and saw the waiter standing there just a few steps away, his features frozen as well. Yuh looked back and forward between the two and wondered what was going on. He suspected that this wasn’t some long-time-no-see friendly encounter, it was rather something that made his beloved friend look like a deer caught in the headlights.
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Ah, some final drama. I'm exited! xD
If anyone is interested, I imagine the mystery waiter's looks to be similar to Karyu of D'espairsray. And here's a picture of how I imagine Kazuo around the time Rui stumbled upon him. :3
Thank you for reading. ^-^ <3