ugh

[heathaaa]

my grandma has lung cancer.  not sure what the plans are going to be for treatment or anything yet, just figured I would put that out there.  One of the things I am most afraid of that I knew would happen some day, just never thought it would be soon or anything.  blah.  i'm trying to just not think about it, but i feel guilty for not visiting more

Comments

[hypocriteiam23]

Last time I drove up with my mother to visit my grandmother (her mother) my mom said, in an off the cuff comment, that my grandmother probably wouldn't be around much longer than another year. Not in those exact words, but that was what was said. And I thought of all the times I could have just written my grandmother a letter to tell her the mundane happenings of my life and how I never asked her to tell me in her own words how she met my grandfather or what my mother was like as a child or any of her thoughts on life. And I feel that guilt but I also didn't know how to change because I felt like to change now would just be an admission on my end, to my self and maybe to my grandmother, that I didn't think she'd be much longer in this world. That is scary. I'm sorry about your grandmother. Sorry for her and you. I don't know anything about cancer treatments so I don't mean to sound ignorant but I hope that she receives some form of treatment that can help her with minimal side effects.

[heathaaa]

thanks jennie, that really means a lot to me. you are a really good friend. i don't have too many of those lately, especially not ones from high school. i know what you mean about it being hard to change. i fear what it would be like if i just broke down and told my grandma i was scared or how much she means to me because she is scared of it herself! i don't want to make things harder for her, but i also don't want to waste the moment. i know she is well aware that i love her, it's just so hard to express it even though it seems like now would be the time! aaahhhh! plus with derek gone it doesn't give me much opportunity to break down and just be emotional. i have to be so careful with that. anyways, thanks for listening to me and I will try to update this thing more often.