(no subject)
TITLE: Beyond_the_Horizon
CULPRIT: lilroxy127
SUMMARY: Lorlei wanted nothing more than freedom from her confining life. He had that freedom, and he is able to give it to her, beyond the horizon
Best Lines: “I made sense, Wrong. since I was born on one of the many voyages to new trading posts.” Still wrong!
AND:
Defeated [Jack] returned to my boudoir and began to engage himself with my jewelry once again. *makes strange, disturbed noises at the mental image of Jack putting an engagement ring on his own finger*
Best Author's Note: I would just like to apologize for my absent. Your absent…writing skills? Proofreading? Knowledge of canon? Tasteful OCs?
The Verdict:
NAME: Lorelei Blythe Lirette. According to the Suethor, she is named after the sirens of Ancient Greece. ‘Cause, you know, being named “Blythe” and “Lirette” just isn’t enough for a girl.
HAIR: “I believe that I received my dark chocolate hair from my mother, seeing how my father had greying blonde hair under his wig.”
EYES: “And my eyes, my father always used to tell me I received my blue-green eyes from the sea.” Tia Dalma loaned her a pair from that jar in her shack.
DISTINGUISHING FEATURES: “The time I had spent in the sun had now kissed my skin with a slight tan, and caused the freckles on my body to stand out even more. This moment was all too perfect.”
OH SO SPESHUL POSSESSIONS: “The moonlight gleaned off of my dress. It was a warm orange colour that caused the color off my hair and eyes to pop.” *Falls over laughing* It’s held up by straps, too, which is important when Jack artfully cuts one with his sword.
She also rides a horse named Pegasus. Yes, really.
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE ORIGIN: “My mother and father were on their way to Spain, when my mother went into labor and gave birth to me.” And I quote: “…I was born on one of the many voyages to new trading posts.” Ah yes, those new trading posts in Colonial Spain.
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE CANON CONNECTIONS: Remember Mr. Gibbs’ left big toe? Yeah, she’s that. Also, Elizabeth is her cousin.
SOOPER SPESHUL ABILITIES: “Lorelei, in regards to the myths of ancient Greece, is the legendary siren that lured men in ships to abandon their posts, causing the ship to crash into the rocks. And that is what I did, well minus the crashing part. My first cry caused such a commotion on deck; many of the sailors abandoned their post.” Was it their trading post?
TRAGIC PAST: …sort of. Her father is the Designated Misogynistic Bastard of the story, but in an interesting twist, Sue’s mother is the one who abandons her. Why? Freedom, of course! She needed to be “more” than a housewife so she just up and left her infant daughter. Nice! The mother’s name is also Blythe, thus making her a bonus!Sue. But the reason this is only a sort-of tragic past is that Sue apparently sees nothing wrong with her mother’s actions. Just her father’s, for raising her as a proper lady. Excuse me while my brain turns inside out.
The “Plot”: Sue is off at school, where her mean teacher Hortense makes fun of her and Sue says snotty things under her breath. Now, stop me if you’ve heard this before! For although she is only being trained to win herself a rich suitor, she longs to be in the Caribbean, free on the sea, not wearing a corset-
*heaver_ho-ers tackle Araeph and take away her keyboard*
Ah, er, well, alrighty then. Since you know how that goes, we’ll skip ahead to the Jack the monkey. Yes, our favorite undead monkey randomly shows up outside of the window of Sue's school, causing enough havoc for Sue to make good her escape. She buckles her sword onto her Cute Animal Friend Pegasus, and rides out to the coast so she won't have to get an education. (Judging by the Suethor's ignorance of history, geography, and anatomy, this does not suprise me.)
Anyway, Jack meets up with Sue and there's a sword fight. As usual, the “witty” banter begins, limping awkwardly along with the swordfight toward the inevitable finish: Sue flicks Jack’s sword away and catches it, beating him in the space of a couple of minutes. All canon to the contrary, Jack has morphed into Designated Misogynistic Bastard #2 during the sustained bout of uncomfortably obvious Suedo-feminist dialogue. But despite the fact that WomanHater!Jack is about ten times less likable than his canon counterpart, Sue’s heart beats for him.
It doesn’t take too long for Jack to figure out that Sue's warm for his form. He reverts back to his old self and cheats by holding a gun to Sue’s head. He demands his hat back-yes, this Sue actually steals his hat-then kisses her, apparently forgetting all about said hat. Whereupon the Navy…cavalry…arrives and chases them. Naturally, the Navy are all a bunch of incompetent fools, and Sue and Jack easily escape.
Thus, with no deviation whatsoever from the Recipe for Generic Sue, the author has her meet up with Elizabeth, who tells Sue before anyone else that she’s pregnant. There is no point to this pregnancy whatsoever. Then the Sue gets captured by teenage mutant ninja turtles...ok, so it's actually pirates...who plan to sell her to a whorehouse. Blackbeard is the enemy captain, and for some crazy reason he decides to leave a journal with a valuable secret out in the open. Blackbeard can't open it because it has a *guffaw* combination lock: "12-15-18-5-12-5-9 then 12-9-18-15-20-20-5." This turns out be the numerical value of the letters of Sue's name, so she has no problem opening it. She discovers that inside is a clue that her mother left her to the lost treasure of Atlantis.
Is this original? No!
Is it believable? No!
Do we give a crap? NO!
But go after the lost treasure of Atlantis it is. Sue and Jack argue over shares of the treasure; they race Blackbeard to the treasure; since Sue's the key, Blackbeard and Jack start fighting over her; Jack sneaks a look at Sue in a bubble bath; Sue is alternately mad and sexually frustrated blah blah blah the fic ends. Yay.
Notes: This is just...stupid. Really, there's no other word for it.
Various unlikely things happen.
I trailed off into my thoughts of my childhood. Good, now stay there. Jack had regained his spot on the ledge of the window and was now looking at me as if to say, “Please come and join me, it is so wonderful out here”…But how to sneak out? It wasn’t an easy feat. Not only did I have to creep to the window without Madame seeing me, I had to climb down the tree that stood beside the open window. I would need a miracle distraction to give me enough time to accomplish all that. Then, as if Jack had read my mind, he leaped into the room and started making all sorts of commotion. Because Jack the Undead Monkey always does whatever a Sue wants him to! As the other girls screamed in fear, and Madame made an attempt to catch the little monster, I saw my opportunity to make my escape out the window. Stepping onto the window sill, I realized my attire proved to be another obstacle to overcome.
“Confound this dress”, I said to myself. There was no way I would be able to climb down in the clothes I was wearing. So you took them off? So I summoned all the courage that I had, Oh, dear. turned around to the chaos in the room, blew a kiss good-bye and jumped down to the ground (which was a lot farther than I anticipated) Uh, did you forget that the distance from the window to the ground was the height of a tree? You aren’t going to be swordfighting pirates, Sue, you’re going to be trying to scratch itches through the casts on both your legs! and I was free! A piratate through and through, this one.
*****
After quickly dusting myself off, I looked back up to hear the commotion starting to die down. So with that note, I was off. Soon after I had started down the trail, Jack had rejoined me, jumping onto my shoulder accepting a free ride from me.
I let out a small laugh and thanked Jack, “What a good little monkey you are! Scaring those girls, I ought to repay you.” I handed him a little treat that I had hidden in my dress and continued on my way.
As I got further down the trail I began to move more cautiously. The only way for me to get to my secret bay I often visited, I had to pass by the training grounds for the Navy. If one of the men spotted me, I would be doomed. They would surely pass me onto my father. I had already become notorious for sneaking out of class to spend my days down by the harbor, listening to recent stories of passing sailors. “'So then I tells the whore, ‘I’ll have ye an’ yer sister together if ye give me a good bargain,' and so just as she’s liftin’ her skirt, one o’ the other customers comes in with his trousers down, and says ‘What happened to that donkey I asked for?’ And then--” *Sue runs away screaming* The safest route for me was to go behind the stables and take the old beaten path I had found on one of my random expeditions.
Jack went on ahead of me, scouting out the trail before us. If my fun was over, so was his.
But just as I neared the end of last row of stalls, I heard oa cry from one of the horses. Did she just give a horse human vocal chords? I quickly turned to see which one that was making the racket that could compromise my mission. But I should have immediately known which one it was. A young bay gelding by the name of Pegasus seemed to always spot me whenever I walked by. His Sue-dar was honed to perfection. He was standing by his stall, tacked with the Navy’s official horse gear. Navy…official…horse…gear. Sorry, I thought if I said it slower it would make sense. He looked quite handsome.
Knowing that he wouldn’t stop until I came over to him, I quickly darted over to his stall…
“Hush now, do you want me to get caught? Now be a good horsy and be quiet” I was about to turn and leave when he let out another high-pitched squeal. Is it a horse or a pig? It was so startling that even Jack jumped out of his skin He doesn’t HAVE any skin! and grabbed onto the bottom of my skirt. *laughs and laughs and laughs*
“SHHH! What do you want, I said hi, now go back to whatever horses do and leave me to my day.” Once again I tried to leave, but he let out his shrilling cry. This was sure enough to make one of the officers head my way if he didn’t quiet down. “I have no treats for you today, now quiet!” Again he let out a loud neigh and began to stomp his foot, “its not like you can come with me!”
Just as those words left my mouth, he quieted right down and pricked his ears up, “Oh no! I will be in enough trouble if I’m caught by myself much less with one of the Navy’s horses”…he grunted as if to say “Please!!!” just like a little whining kid would. “Nope, uh uhh…no way!!” I hope you know, Suethor, that if you were caught stealing a horse in those days, you were hanged.
Sue steals Jack's hat
My body was really not meant to be in traditional English fashion. *bangs head repeatedly on desk* It’s not that I’m heavy; then again, neither am I skinny, I just have developed a muscular body over time. Swimming, adventuring through rocky terrain, sharpening my skills with the sword were all things not considered “lady-like” but things I had an interest in. “Had an interest in” is not the same as “able to secure enough training to beat a fortysomething pirate”!
Caleb and I often have little sparring matches during his visits from his post. This is her brother. I just wanted to point that out, because I’m sure you care. I am proud to say that I have whooped him quite a number of times, though I am sure he wouldn’t admit to it. I picked up the hem of my skirt and proceeded down to the water. I only went in as far as my ankles, but it was enough. I tilted by head back and closed my eyes. I felt the warmth of the sun tickle my face, while the wind danced through my hair. The time I had spent in the sun had now kissed my skin with a slight tan, and caused the freckles on my body to stand out even more. This moment was all too perfect.
Then all of a sudden, an electric sensation went up my spine. I knew this feeling all too well, something wasn’t right. Someone was watching me. I opened my eyes and turned to find a man standing off to my far right.
“How long has he been standing there?” I thought to myself. I examined his clothes, and at first glance I notice that he was no ordinary man, but a sailor of some sort. His hat told me that he was a captain. But there was something about him I couldn’t place. That was until I saw it. There on his wrist, the mark left by the East Trading Company, a single letter “P”…
“Pirate!” I said under my breath. I stood for a moment, frozen to the spot. Then as the strange man took a faltering step towards me, I quickly dashed towards Pegasus.
“Relax love, I’m not going to bite,” the unknown pirate said with a slight slur, “I was just sitting under that tree there, till I heard your voice. Where as then, I decided to find its owner.” He took another step towards me…
“Don’t come near me,” I commanded with a relatively calm and strong voice, “or I will, will…”
“Will what love?” He continued to walk towards me
I instantly grab the sword the hung from Pegasus’s saddle and pointed straight at the oncoming pirate. He stopped looked at me strangely. Exactly what did this lunatic think she was doing? thought Jack. Only at that moment did I really notice his appearance, and smell. He smelled as if he hadn’t bathed in days, or even weeks. He had eccentric do-dads in his dread locks, all of which were held under a simple red bandanna. His shirt and jacket were stained of dirt, sweat, and what smelled like rum.
“And what do you plan on do with that, may I enquire?” his slur opted to the fact he was also border lining drunk, Judging by that sentence, Jack’s not the only one! “swing it around and hope you scratch me?” He again tried to come closer to me.
I took my stance, “I intend to keep you from coming closer to my person,” I said with a smug smile.
“Yes, well I can see how you could handle a sword against another, such as myself, by they way you are standing.” He examined me. It’s true I do have an interesting way of using sword, but I have adapted many styles of combat though my many travels.
“Clearly you’ve never been to Singapore,” I retorted back. The pirate raised an eyebrow and seemed to be in a state of perplexity, after all, that was his line, “besides, didn’t your mother ever teach you to never judge a book by its cover?”
“Actually no, but I will keep that most fascinating detail for later. But you see,” again he tried to take another step but I was too quick and sprung towards him as a warning. Boinggg! Boinggg! the Sue bunny-hopped menacingly over to the pirate. Hold on. Why was he laughing? Immediately he backed off, hands raised at chest leve, “I do not take a fancy in fighting the weaker species, meaning you as a “wo-mon”, "With, y’know, cooties and stuff!” said Jack, newly eight years old and oblivious to the fact that he effectively promoted Anamaria to pirate captain and Elizabeth to Pirate King. and I have no where safe to put my hat, so it you don’t mind,” but I was again too quick and using the tip of my sword I flicked his hat off the top of his head onto mine. ARRR!
It was a little trick I had picked up to edge my brother on when he wouldn’t have a little friendly match with me. But why was I edging this pirate on? Was the idea of crossing swords with a pirate to much for me to resist?
The pirate just stood there gave shot me a sly smile, “Um, could I please have my hat back?” he asked
“Sorry you will just have to get it back.” Wait did I just say that? Did I just open an invitation to this pirate to fight me? What the heck was I doing?
“Very well then, but I have to warn you. A woman such as yourself doesn’t stand a chance against a superior like me.”
“I highly doubt that. Seeing how you’re soaked of rum, I think the odds are even,” I said with confidence. Oh ho ho! How witty! How clever! How original you are.
“But you forgot one important detail…. I’m Captain Jack Sparrow,” and with that, we were off in a dance of swords. I matched every advance he made on me, *snerk* and so did he with me. I couldn’t help but smile the entire time we crossed swords…
“Not bad, for a woman,” the pirate, or excuse me, Jack teased. Our swords locked.
“Oh how kind,” I smirked as our swords intertwined with one another, “ I was just about to say that about you being a drunk.” Smiling coyly, he pushed me back, and took a swing. The tip of his sword grazed the strap of my dress and caused it to break. Aggravated, I retaliated with a series of jousts A Caribbean Sue in King Arthur’s Court? that cause Jack to lose his balance and fall over on the sand.
“Now that wasn’t very nice,” he said looking up at me.
“Nope, and neither is this,” kicking up a bunch of sand I turned ran for Pegasus, but undesirably Jack was too quick and grabbed me by my shoulder and spun me around, our sword locked together. I didn’t at first realize how uncomfortably close our faces were, because I was locked into his beautiful deep brown eyes. I felt a shiver go up my spine. But it shouldn’t have, he’s a pirate, I shouldn’t be feeling like this. But still my face went red…
“Little flushed are we?” Jack taunted. I shook my head and pushed him off me, I had had enough of this, and with one swift movement I knocked his cutlass out of his hands. I turned to grab the cutlass out of the air, and then turned back suspecting to find him in submission. Instead, discovered a gun, pointed at my head.
“You cheated!”
“Pirate,” he haughtily replied. I dropped the swords into the sand and glared hatefully at him.
“So now what, Sparrow is it?” I posed. From PotCSues: Most authors/editors/etc. will tell you that trying to use every word-crazy synonym for speaking but said to attribute dialogue eventually becomes distracting to the reader, drawing attention away from the dialogue. Whereas he said/she said is so natural as to be almost invisible. Therefore, it doesn't interrupt the flow of the story.
I'm good buddies with the word "said" and his close cousins "replied" and "responded".
“Captain Jack Sparrow if you please, but may I ask the name of the woman who still has possession of my hat?”
“…I don’t please, and you can call me Miss. Lirette,” I retorted resentfully, “now if you were any kind of a gentleman -though I suppose your not, considering your attempts at personal hygiene have gone astray, and the fact that your gun is still at my head- you would answer my question.”
“Well…”he smiled ever so mysteriously as he look at me…
“I would like to see you try!” I exclaimed. I really need to learn to keep my mouth shut…
Impulsively he grabbed me by the waist and pulled me in close and kissed me deeply and passionately. Even though my mind was screaming to pull away in disgust, I felt myself pull him in closer, my hands clutching the lapels of his coat. Did she tweak Jack’s bow tie and take his top hat, too? The kiss was truly strong, warm, and overpowering. Sensations ran up and down my spine, I was going weak at the knees. I was lost in a world of ecstasy that I had never felt before. Suddenly at the sound of a loud gunshot, both of us broke apart and looked toward the hill where the sound had come from. Even Pegasus’s ears had pricked up in interest of the sudden sound. Immediately 4-5 men came running over the hillside and down the beach, shouting something that I couldn’t make it out. Sparrow, on the other hand, knew exactly what was going on…
“Oh buggar,” I heard him mutter beside me, “sorry love, but parting is such sweet sorrow...” oh great a romantic…*gag*! Exactly. And with that he took off running down the beach, quickly followed by what I guessed to be his crew. They were still shouting and I was able to make out one important word as the rushed by me,
“NAVY!”
Fear over took me. If they found me here, unaccompanied, with a stolen horse and an outlawed pirate, I would be chained to my bedpost for the rest of my life. I ran as fast as my feet could carry me, jumped on Pegasus, and fled back to the stables before I could be caught
I must have pushed Pegasus hard the entire way back to the stables, because when finally reached our finish point, he was breathing extremely hard and had sweat building up underneath his saddle. But I was too scared to care whether I had killed the poor beast or not. When I had reached the Navy’s stables, right next to the army’s shipyards and the cavalry’s foot patrol I ran as fast as I could back to my house, in fear of someone may have seen me and was now on their way to report to my father.
Upon reaching my house, my hair had fallen out of place, my feet where throbbing from running bear-foot (I had forgotten my slippers at the beach) and my dress was muddy and torn. I decided it best to go through the servant’s entrance; I peered in through the door.
“Thank God,” I whispered when I discovered the entrance room empty. I quickly tiptoed through the house, careful not to make my presences known. I braced myself as I neared the door to my father’s study. As I neared the door I heard faint voices, six to be exact. You have uncannily acute hearing, my dear Sue. My father, Catherine, Evangeline, Elizabeth and her father (my uncle), and another who I assumed must have been her husband Will. I have never met Will, but had read about him many times in Lizzie’s letters. I couldn’t make out what they were saying, but I didn’t care. I was more concerned with getting to my room unnoticed.
The door was only a jar and so, full of red currant jam, I quickly whisked by hoping no one had seen me. I continued on towards the main stairway that led to my bedroom.
An unsuccessful attempt to send Sue back to England
“Lorelei I can understand your passion with the sea, both me and your,” he choked on his words. He never used to when he talked about mother, just lately, “…your mother had a fond love for the open waters, but this is unacceptable. Stealing the Navy’s prized horse. What were you thinking?”
“I…I…” I stammered, “…how did you know out about…” And there stood my answer right in the middle of my doorway. Evangeline. Her name meant angel, but Im certain she is the span of the devil. Well, with you as her sister, spawn of the devil was already taken. She must have seen me coming in from the servant’s quarters. I gave her a menacing glare, causing her to flee in fear of me smothering her with my pillow, But it’s her sister who’s the evil one.
“Now I will not have any of that young lady,” my father scolded me, “I’ll have some of that young man, instead!” “Now, explain yourself!”
I…well…” I finally found some words, “…it was nothing, just a little joy ride,” I pleaded.
“I hardly believe that after seeing the state you were in when you returned home.”
“You..you saw me?” fear was starting to over take me, what else did he know?
“Yes I did,” he looked at me with a sad face, “what has gotten into you?” His voice was now softened. He was no longer speaking to me as a governor, but as a father.
I looked at him, and then turned away. How could I explain to him my deepest desires? How wouldn’t understand. “I’m sorry I don’t know what got into me. Tomorrow I will go to Admiral Norrington and ask for his forgiveness.”
“It doesn’t matter now, I’ve…” again he choked on his words, looking down he spoke quietly, “we’ll talk in the morning for now just get some rest.” And with that he turned and walked away. Poor guy. He’s obviously trying his best to rear this hellion in a loving and caring environment. And what does he have to show for it? His wife leaves him for no good reason and his daughter starts stealing horses from innocent people and cavorting with a pirate twice her age! I feel like rescuing him from his horrible Sue wife and even Sueier daughter and putting him in a fanfic where someone will actually appreciate him.
________________________________________
I sat there stunned at why he didn’t finish he statement. I promptly followed him out the door. I quietly followed him towards his study, I heard his voice talking to Catherine. As I neared the door I began to make out what they were saying.
“How did it go,” I heard Catherine ask.
A sad sigh came from my father, “I didn’t have the heart to tell her.”
What? Tell me what? I crept up to the doorway and stood there silently listening to their every words.
“John, we’ve talked about this. She was bad enough in England with her disruption in class, but now this? Skipping school to steal the Navy’s horse,” Catherine responded. I shook my head at this, it wasn’t like I meant to take the horse, he just wouldn’t shut up. Oh, sure, blame the horse.
“I know, it’s just, she is so much like her mother, she needs freedom. The freedom to maltreat other people without the slightest provocation? I worried if I cut her off from it she will leave just like, just like her.” I knew something was defiantly up when he called my mother, her. He had never done that.
“But if we stop her now, and teach her what is right by teaching her to be a proper lady, she won’t act this way anymore,” Catherine retorted.
My father let out another sigh, “I know. Just let me wait till morning, and then I will go to her and explain that she is to be sent back to England.” *cheers wildly*
It was like someone had poured ice-cold water on me. Send me back to England? How could he do this to me?!? He could do it quietly and without fuss, something you don’t seem to understand.
“Alright dear, until morning,” Catherine kissed my father goodnight. I could feel the tears beginning to prick the back of my eyes. Someone teach this author where tear ducts are located! My head was spinning fast. I raced back to my room, not caring if anyone could hear me. I slammed my door shut, locked it, and then collapsed on my bed in a tearful fit.
________________________________________
I lay there on my bed for the longest time; my pillow stained by my tears. But I didn’t care, why should I. In a matter of days I would be back to England. As I laid on my bed, I stared out to the sea. Jack had perched himself on my bedside stool and stared at me. I didn’t even flinch when I tried to wake me from my conscious coma-like state. …the hells?
Okay, okay, let’s try to make sense of this. Maybe breaking it down into simpler form will help.
I (Sue) didn’t even flinch when I (Sue) tried to wake me (Sue) from my conscious coma-like (unconscious) state.
Or in other words:
I didn’t even flinch when I tried to wake myself from my conscious unconscious state.
…
*throws hands up* All right! You win, Lorelei. After the Isabella von Tassels, the samurai in the Caribbean, the chocolate orbs, the black pears, and the Will Stus with pet bunnies, it is you who have rendered me incapable of further mockery. *tosses fic away and watches it float down to the depths*