People always ask me "Why do you look so sad?". I always tell them that I'm not. It's just the way I look. I'd like to look them right in the eye and say "I'm sad because I fucking hate my life and think about killing myself every night". And of course, they just have to know why
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Nine out of ten of them end up destroying themselves, either quickly or slowly. One or two of them do something amazing before they finish, something that changes things even just a little.
I'm not sure what the tenth does.
You should write memoirs. You have a gift for personal revelation, there's a skill to writing about that angst that is particular to the young and perceptive without sounding maudlin or self pitying. Besides, it's the hot genre right now.
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