emails from the heart...
Here are some emails that I wanted to keep for my own reasons.
Dear Josh,
I had to write you this email, because you’ve been on my mind for the past few days and the thought of something bothering you, bothers me greatly. I’m not sure exactly what happened last time we spoke, and how you felt, but I hope that nothing has changed between us. Josh, I would love to know how you feel and what is bothering you, but I know that it might be hard for you to express yourself freely; therefore I will leave it up to time, until you feel ready to speak to me. It will be very hard for me as well because I can’t bare the fact that something disturbs your heart, but I will try to be patient and wait until you come to me. I just want you to know that you can speak to me about anything at anytime, and I mean it. I will be there for you Josh. I’m not a judgmental person, nor will I make any assumptions, so you shouldn’t hold back on any thoughts or feelings you might have, weather they’re positive or negative. I’ve been through a lot in my life, and have experience all kinds of emotions, even ones that I thought never existed, so I will not be surprised to face anything anymore.
I know that you’ve been hurt in the past Josh, and I feel your pain. One thing’s for sure, you don’t deserve that kind of hurt, because you are a very kind-hearted person and you shouldn’t have to struggle for happiness. It would almost be a perfect world if no one had to fight for their own happiness, but unfortunately, life has thrown many challenges along our path to make it more interesting I guess…we learn a lot from those ups and downs and we only grow stronger.
I don’t know if I’m just talking nonsense or this actually makes sense, but if only I knew exactly what was going through your mind (and heart), I would be in a better position to give my opinion…
I might be far away from you Josh, but my gut feeling tells me there’s something that’s struggling in your mind…Don’t hesitate to call me if you want (even at 4am). Wake me up if you need to, I will be more than happy to hear your voice! J
My dear Josh,
For the longest time, I was debating whether I should write or not, but I couldn’t resist…I simply want to say hi. I also hope that everything is well with you and that work is not too demanding, but I know that no matter the challenges, you always pull through and I’m proud of you! =)
Josh, I have to be honest with you, I really miss talking to you! Just yesterday, I was going through my chat logs, and I re-read our conversations from the past and it made me smile. Especially the time when you were waiting for that Chinese guy to bring your food and he took forever! Lol
Something very strange has happened, which I cannot even explain…but feelings have been created in the most utter mystery. I have never been so excited to talk to someone on msn, and I have never before thought about someone so often (someone who I haven’t even met). Whatever this is, it must be for a reason…In any case, I don’t want to sound weird or embarrass myself, so I will stop talking about it.
Josh, I really don’t know what I said last time or what I did, but I would give anything to go back in time and erase it…I want us to be like before. I want to talk to my Josh like I used to. I want to get that sparkle in my eyes and that big smile on my face when I see you logg in…I’m sorry. I truly am sorry for whatever I did or said. It hurts me knowing that you might be hurt!…Is there anything I can do to make things better?! Tell me, and I’ll do it. (Gosh! Am I sounding too weird? :S) I don’t want to scare you away with all these words, but I simply have to let you know how I feel, because it’s eating me up inside…I know I told you in my last email that I would give you time and I would be patient until you come to me, but Josh, temptation is stronger than me, and for once, I cannot beet it. I just had to, I’m sorry…
I sincerely hope that I am not pushing you away even further…because that’s the last thing I want to do, believe me! I truly care about you, I always have. I know it’s strange…you might be wondering: how can she care about someone so much when she hardly knows him and she hasn’t even seen him in person…I know. But sometimes, life throws these unexpected twists in our path…and for some reason, I have the strangest gut feeling that tells me I shouldn’t let go or give up…I know tons of people and I talk to most of them, whether on the phone or online, but I can assure you, there aren’t many for whom I care as much as I care for you. I trust my gut feelings (they have never before let me down, and I doubt they will now).
Are we still on for Cuba? I’m hoping that we are…and if so, then I would like to confirm dates with you so that I can reserve the houses on the beach ASAP. (I was thinking about leaving on the 4th of June). I don’t want to pressure you, but the lady needs to know in advance, for there are many people who want to reserve.
If you do not wish to speak to me (for whatever the reason may be), can you at least let me know about our trip?! I would really appreciate it.
Lots of love,
Annie
Hi Ani, it's been a while that I don't write to you... I received your last two emails
and I read them so many times that I can tell them by heart now. I didn't have the courage to write. From my last relationship, I have learned alot, and today I realize I haven't learned shit. I missed a good opportunity to get to know you better. Today, I'm sure you have your man and you are happy with him.
I'm in Ottawa right now, Ale had an accident and he is in coma since 4 days now.
Doctors do not know how long it's gonna take, they dont know if that when he is gonna be out of coma he will stay paralyzed, they don't know shit Ani. I'm desperate, 3 nights that I don't sleep, I'm tired. I'm trying to take care of the Ale bar, because the people he has working for him I do not trust them and I dont want Ale to wake up and see all his little fortune gone. I'm finishing my last contract in the morning here working in the hospital, and at night I go to the bar. I'm writing you because Ale mentioned me that you guys were going to work together, but I guess now everything is "stopped" because I don't know what you have accorded with him. I'm going nuts, I wanted to take vacations in a week and see how everything turned to be. If you are working in Montreal, continue to do so, 'till Ale is gonna be back with us. I will be giving you information about him, if you want. Take care, trully yours,
Josh.