SongFic: Send Me an Angel - Supernatural Fic
Title: Send me an Angel
Author: HeavenReturned
Pairing: Castiel/Dean
Summary: It’s really just a short song fic that wouldn’t leave my mind till I wrote it.
Disclaimer: I don’t own the boys. I also don’t own the song. It’s called Send me and Angel by the scorpions.
Rating: eh…. Pg? I think lol
Notes: Takes place at the end of ‘On the Head of a Pin’ (4x16) Song lyrics are in Italics and between //
I know some people hate Song Fics. But I loved writing this
Beta'd by my lovely twitter pal @Kaishabackwards
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He couldn’t remember exactly when he’d first heard the song, but he remembered when it had popped into his head. He had been in the middle of a torture session in hell, trying to hide and shield his mind from the pain. He would repeat the chorus in his head while his soul screamed and begged; when he wanted to do nothing but die, but he didn’t have that relief to look forward to. He was stuck, in eternal damnation and agony with no end in sight.
He wasn’t sure his heart and soul were strong enough to endure what he must.
/Here I am, Will you Send me An Angel
Here I am, In the Land of the Morning Star./
The next time the song had gone through his head was when he had met Castiel. HIS Angel. The idea that he deserved an angel confused him. He was nothing special, just a normal hunter. He killed things, why was he more deserving of an angel than anyone else?
But as he stared into the ancient eyes, something in his chest both clenched and unclenched at the same time. He glanced behind his Angel and saw; well he wasn’t sure he could put it into words. But the air seemed displaced like when you saw heat rising off the highway in the summer.
With startling clarity he realized it was his Angel’s wings. He wanted to reach out and see if he could feel anything where he couldn’t fully see them. But he didn’t. He kept his hands to himself, and what he could see to himself.
/Wise Man said, Just Find your Place
In the Eye of the Storm
Seek the Roses Along the Way
Just Beware of the Thorns/
Sometimes he wasn’t sure that his Angel gave a shit about him. He was just another job. Not a person and no one that anyone would actually miss. He would never admit it out loud but the threat of being thrown back into hell did worry him for quite a while.
Then other times Castiel would look at him with such a look of fondness that he thought maybe, just maybe, they were friends. As soon as that happened though the other would say something or make a comment and he knew.
He wasn’t anything special. He continued burying everything deep inside of himself, trying to keep his fragile heart from being broken more than it already was. His soul bore scars from his life, scars from his pain. His heart was shattered and barely holding together. And still no one seemed to care.
/Here I am, Will you Send me an Angel
Here I am, In the Land of the Morning Star/
He felt another piece of himself die at Sammy’s words about him being weak. He knew he was; he had known the whole time that he wasn’t special but the stupid Angels had made him think perhaps that there was something redeeming about him. Sammy knew the real him though. His brother, his best friend, wanted to leave him behind.
The final blow had been Castiel standing with Uriel and forcing him to ‘interrogate’ Alastair. He’d shattered. Oh God had it hurt.
It felt like he was losing his Mother, Father, Sammy, and Bobby all at once. Only worse. He’d wanted to fall to his knees and sob. Why him. And he prayed. In his mind he begged for Salvation, begged God to please stop his Angel from putting him through that. But his pleas had been in vain… again. He should have known better. No one wanted him; no one would save him from himself. As long as he was a good little puppet they didn’t care what happened to him.
How many times had Cas watched him get injured, watched him get his heart broken. How many times had his Angel contributed? He turned his head away from his Angel, tears rolling down his face.
A pathetic failure is all he was, worthy of no one, and certainly not the attention of an angel. He jerked around slightly at the sound of rustling fabric. His neck shooting sparks of pain as he did so.
Castiel was removing his coat and shoes. Dean blinked at him, puzzled and concerned. His eyes widened when the angel motioned him to scoot over. He did so without protest, deciding he was stoned out of his mind so why fight it.
He found himself being pulled so his head was pillowed on the Angel’s shoulder and he felt….. Sweet Jesus…. He felt warm. For the first time in a long time. He was warm.
Then as Cas’s hand fell upon the mark on his shoulder he slammed his eyes shut. It felt soothing, like a balm upon his soul. As if he was standing in a warm summer rain and most of all he wasn’t alone. He was worthy.
Shuddering and barely mindful of the oxygen tube he buried his face into his Angel’s shoulders. He felt almost whole. His soul shuddered at the soft stroking across the handprint that had been burned into his flesh.
He swore he heard an almost silent mine come from the other. He didn’t care. For the first time in so long he felt needed and cared for and wanted most of all. His eyes began to grow heavy.
His fingers latched onto the other’s shirt as he felt him shift. The hand pressing into his mark firmly tore those worries away. He was safe… for now. He would enjoy it.
As he drifted off to sleep to another possessive claim from the other. His mind wandered back to the song for a final time.
/Hear this voice from Deep Inside
It’s the call of Your Heart
Close your Eyes and you will Find
The Way out of the Dark/