Wonder What It's Like
Title: Wonder What It's Like
Author: heavyhart
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Jon/Brendon
Summary: Scene from an arranged marriage AU (that may or may not ever be posted in full). Jon and Brendon's wedding night.
Notes: 3,106 words. ty to my friends for the encouragement. ♥
you can find something like a sequel to this fic here.
Brendon sits on the edge of the bed and tries not to fidget, even with goosebumps breaking out over his skin from the cool air coming in through the window--even cooler on the damp parts of Brendon's skin where he didn't dry off completely from his bath. Brendon eyes his pile of clothes folded neatly on the chair across the room, but footsteps down the hall make his gaze fall to his lap, where his hands are folded.
The door opens and Brendon goes completely still, listening carefully enough to hear Jon's sharp intake of breath.
"Brendon."
Brendon doesn't look up. "I-I'm yours to do what--what you will, and--"
Jon steps forward and rests one of his hands on Brendon's bare shoulder, using his other hand to cup Brendon's chin and tilt his head up. Brendon's eyes meet Jon's and he stares, breath getting caught in his throat at how beautiful and warm Jon's eyes glow in the dim light of the lamp, warm and kind. Brendon knew that, but--even now, even after all the formalities, Jon's eyes still carry that warmth.
"Brendon, you do not belong to me."
Jon's voice is gentle and it doesn't sound unkind, but Brendon has to quickly look down to mask his disappointment, the way his stomach drops. "I-I'm sorry that I--"
Jon tilts Brendon's chin back up and their eyes meet again. "You don't belong to anyone. Except yourself, okay? You're my husband, not my servant. And Brendon." Jon hesitates, eyes glancing down at Brendon's naked body before meeting Brendon's eyes again, his gaze much warmer than before. Brendon tries not to flush, tries to remember that this is how Jon is supposed to see him, this is what Brendon is supposed to be for Jon.
"We don't have to do this if you're not comfortable with it, you know that, right? I will never make you do anything you don't want to. It's been a long day and I'm sure you must be tired, so we can just--"
"No!" Brendon shouts, and then tucks his head down again as his face heats up in shame. Shouting at his new husband is completely against everything he's been taught, Brendon can't believe he let his emotions get away with him. He tenses and braces himself for the blow--Jon has every right--but it never comes. Instead, Jon brushes Brendon's dark hair away from his eyes, fingers gently stroking Brendon's cheek.
"What is it?"
Brendon leans into Jon's warm hand a little but doesn't look up, just mumbles, "I want to. I've... been preparing as best as I can and I want to do this for you, please." Brendon finally does look up at Jon, determined not to show that he's nervous. He can't keep from trembling, though, when Jon brushes his thumb over Brendon's bottom lip, swollen and red from when Brendon kept biting it earlier. The gesture isn't much of anything but it makes Brendon's whole body ache in a way it hasn't before, an unfamiliar tugging in his stomach.
"If you're sure... because we can always wait a day, or a week, or a month. We can wait."
Brendon nods quickly, trying to ignore the way his stomach is fluttering. "Please, tonight. Please." He hopes Jon understands that he's not being ungrateful for Jon's kindness, he just wants to belong to Jon--no matter what Jon says, Brendon is his--in the way he's been taught he's supposed to.
Jon smiles suddenly, wide and warm like his eyes that crinkle at the corners when he's happy, and Brendon smiles back before he can stop himself. Jon leans down and kisses Brendon's forehead, standing back up straight and pulling off his shirt.
Brendon tries not to stare, but--but he's never, ever seen another man like this before, not even another person, not since Brendon came of age. Jon is all solid muscle under skin, not muscle like a soldier would have but still stronger than Brendon by far--broad shoulders, wide chest, strong arms, all tan from being out in the sun. His muscles shift and flex underneath his skin as he moves, too, and Brendon stares, transfixed, as Jon bends down to take off his boots. Jon's humming to himself, just under his breath, and Brendon smiles until Jon stands up and starts to unlace his trousers.
Then Brendon--he can't look, he can't, not until Jon gives him permission. Brendon stares down at his hands, at the way his own cock is starting to stiffen just from anticipation and how warm Jon's hands felt on his skin. Brendon can feel his whole body flush hotly at that. What if Jon thinks he's overeager? What if Brendon doesn't please him right, isn't pretty enough, or Jon decides he wants a girl instead, or--
"Hey, stop doing that," Jon says lightly, placing his hands on Brendon's thighs and making Brendon shiver at the touch. Brendon opens his eyes, stares at where Jon is crouched a little in front of him. He doesn't look down, doesn't look down, but then Jon is leaning forward and kissing him and. Oh. Brendon lets his eyes slip shut and forgets everything save for Jon's lips moving against his, a little dry, and Brendon doesn't think about it when his tongue darts out to lick at Jon's lips, getting them wet. Jon makes a startled noise and opens his mouth, tilting his head and kissing Brendon harder, deeper, his beard scratching Brendon's face as Jon moves his mouth with Brendon's. It feels nice, much nicer than the peck during the wedding ceremony, and Brendon feels the fluttering in his stomach start up again. He certainly isn't thinking when he loops his arms up around Jon's neck, pulling him closer, their lips only separating so Brendon can catch his breath quickly. Brendon's almost surprised at how hard he's breathing, just from a kiss.
"Lay down," Jon whispers, one arm sliding behind Brendon's back to guide him onto the bed, moving back until Brendon's head is near the pillows and Jon is kneeling over Brendon. Jon keeps kissing him, and from the way his fingers dig into Brendon's back whenever Brendon moans, when Jon touches his tongue to Brendon's, Brendon hopes that he's pleasing Jon the way he's supposed to.
"Jon," Brendon sighs, arching his body up a little when Jon kisses his jaw, his neck.
"What do you want, Brendon?" Jon asks, lips sliding wetly over the sensitive skin of Brendon's neck and then sucking, hard enough that Brendon feels it low in his stomach, between his legs. Brendon moans a little, quietly, trying to think of the correct answer to that question.
"I-I want whatever you want, ah." Brendon tilts his head back, holding onto Jon's arms while Jon's lips and scratchy beard work their way down to Brendon's collarbone.
"Cheating," Jon says, scraping his teeth over Brendon's throat. Brendon gasps, pushing his hips up against nothing again.
"I want to please you, I don't know--I don't want anything else, oh, Jon."
Jon sucks lightly at the base of Brendon's throat and Brendon can feel him everywhere, the heat from Jon's hands and his mouth and the way the muscles shift in his forearms as Brendon holds onto him. Brendon went a long time without having anyone close because it wasn't proper, because there was too much of a risk of Brendon losing his purity, reserved only for his husband. The way Jon is kissing him now, though, is intoxicating. It makes Brendon dizzy with wanting more, now, everything. But Brendon also has a duty to remember, and he isn't about to let himself get distracted by Jon's sweet kisses.
"Wait," Brendon says, only it comes out as more of a gasp because of Jon's mouth on his chest, lips right above his nipple. Brendon doesn't want--he isn't supposed to think about Jon's mouth on him like that, and Brendon's wound so tight already. Jon pulls back, sitting up on his knees and staring at Brendon's face.
"Is this okay? If this is too much--"
Brendon shakes his head, letting his hands trail up and down Jon's arms nervously. "I want you to..." He looks up at Jon from under his bangs, chewing at his lip out of habit. "I want you to have me, now, please."
Jon keeps staring, his hands warm on Brendon's back where he's still holding him. Brendon tries not to squirm under Jon's gaze. He really isn't supposed to ask but Brendon wants it so badly, wants Jon to take him and make him his instead of teasing Brendon until Brendon comes out of his skin.
"We--there are other things, Brendon, we don't have to--"
"Want you inside me, please," Brendon says quietly, barely above a whisper, but the way Jon's eyes grow darker lets Brendon know that Jon heard him.
"I'll go slow," Jon says, moving his arms so he can reach for the little bottle of oil by the bed. Brendon knows what it's for, knows what goes where, but he still blushes as he spreads his legs apart underneath Jon. Jon turns back around and looks a little taken aback by Brendon's position, but just reaches down and strokes the soft skin on the inside of Brendon's thigh with his fingers, trying to relax Brendon but instead just making him shake with need.
Brendon almost says please again but then he doesn't have to, because Jon's leaning forward and kissing Brendon softly on the lips. Brendon kisses back, making a startled noise in his throat when one of Jon's slick fingers brushes down over his hole, circling the rim before slowly pushing inside. Brendon goes still under Jon, letting Jon kiss his neck as he slides his finger in and out of clenching heat. It's--strange, mostly, and Brendon's never heard anything about fingers, but his body belongs to Jon. He'll take whatever Jon gives him.
Brendon breathes carefully, his heart beating faster when Jon slips in another finger. This time Brendon can feel it more--it hurts, just a little bit. Jon's fingers are thick and Brendon tries to relax.
Jon must notice the way Brendon tenses, though, must be able to feel Brendon's muscles try to adjust, because he lifts his head up and looks into Brendon's eyes. "Does it hurt? Are you okay?"
Brendon smiles at Jon, nods. "I-I'm fine, please. Don't stop." He tilts his head back too, hoping Jon will kiss his neck again.
Jon kisses Brendon's mouth first, then sucks wetly at his neck, pushing his fingers in deeper and curling them a little.
Brendon gasps, hands grabbing at the sheets underneath him. When Jon curled his fingers just then, something--and oohh, Jon does it again, and Brendon arches his hips up as he moans loudly before catching himself, biting his lip and breathing heavily through his nose instead. Brendon wasn't so sure about Jon's fingers inside of him but whenever Jon does... something, Brendon's body buzzes, his own cock throbbing urgently between his legs.
Jon smiles against Brendon's neck. "That feels okay?"
"Oh, Jon, that feels--" Brendon's voice cuts off with a groan as he pushes his ass back onto Jon's fingers, wanting more. "Please, I want--you, Jon, please." Brendon spreads his legs wider for Jon, trying not to whimper when Jon pulls his fingers out and grabs the oil again.
Brendon looks down and--and actually looks, for the first time, his eyes going wide. Jon's cock is bigger than Brendon's, thicker, flushed red and hard in his hand as he covers it in the oil, rubbing some over the shiny tip with his thumb and grunting softly as he does. Brendon stares, heart pounding in his chest as Jon looks back down at Brendon, lining the head of his cock up where Brendon's stretched and ready for him.
"Relax, Brendon. Let me know if it's too much," Jon says, low, trying to be soothing, but Brendon can hear the strain in Jon's voice. Brendon nods, trying to arch his hips so it's easier for Jon to push in. Jon goes slow, painfully slow as Brendon bites his lip, trying to think about Jon's lips on his neck again, something other than how much the stretch burns as Jon presses inside, filling Brendon up much more than his fingers had. Deeper, too, and Brendon clutches the sheets again once Jon bottoms out, pressed up inside Brendon as far as Brendon can take him.
"Fuck, Brendon, you're." Jon groans, holding himself up on the bed above Brendon. Brendon leans up, taking a risk and kissing Jon on the mouth, desperate for the distraction, for more affection from Jon. There are tears stinging at the corners of his eyes from the burn of being so full but Brendon ignores them. This is his duty, this is what he's supposed to do, and Jon wouldn't hurt him, not on purpose.
"Please," Brendon breathes against Jon's lips, and Jon kisses the side of Brendon's mouth before he pulls out some, pushing slowly back in. It still hurts but Brendon's already getting use to the fullness, can already feel his muscles starting to relax around Jon. Jon starts to fuck him like that, steadily, leaning down to kiss Brendon's neck. Brendon tilts his head back and moves his hips, pushing his ass to meet Jon's thrusts. Jon suddenly pushes forward quickly, deep, and his teeth scrape against Brendon's sensitive neck. Heat flares in Brendon's stomach and he gasps, loud and shaky.
"Are--are you--"
"Please," Brendon moans again, body hot and itchy for more, his brain dizzy with this pleasure that's all so new to him. He hooks his legs around Jon's ass to urge him deeper and Jon tucks his head into the crook of Brendon's neck, thrusting harder. He pants into Brendon's ear how tight Brendon is, how good he feels, and Brendon just flushes and lifts his hips to meet Jon's thrusts, now not careful or steady at all. Something about lifting his hips changes the angle and Brendon groans when Jon pushes into that spot again, biting his lip to muffle the noise.
"No, fuck, want to hear you," Jon breathes, voice husky. Brendon lets his swollen lip go from his teeth, moaning instead every time Jon pushes in and makes Brendon's cock throb on his stomach. He knows he shouldn't but he wants to reach between them and hold his cock like Jon did, make the ache go away. Brendon loses that thought, though, as Jon kisses him again and Brendon's cock brushes against Jon's stomach, sliding wetly against Jon's soft skin when he leans down close enough. Brendon can't stop moaning, can't stop moving his hips with Jon. Everything feels so good, so hot, it pushes Brendon closer and closer to something he can't name but he wants, wants so badly he forgets everything else.
Brendon hooks his arms up around Jon's neck, too, can feel how Jon's skin is damp (Brendon's flushed all over, his thighs sticky and his neck wet from sweat and Jon's mouth). He doesn't know if Jon's close but his thrusts are uneven now, sharp and fast, and Brendon just holds on, letting the ache in his stomach build until it feels like he can't keep it back anymore, whatever it is that's building.
"Jon, Jon, oh, I'm--"
"It's okay, Bren, fuck." Jon reaches between them and wraps his fist around Brendon's leaking cock, pumping it quickly between their bodies. Brendon cries out at the flood of sensation and shudders as he finally lets go, coming in wet spurts over Jon's fist and his stomach, riding out the waves of his orgasm and digging his fingernails into Jon's skin. The feeling is intense and Brendon's whole body shakes with the force of it. Jon groans, thrusting hard as Brendon tightens around him, muscles clenching, and then Jon can't hold back anymore, coming deep inside Brendon just as Brendon goes limp underneath him.
Brendon can feel Jon's cock pulse hotly inside him and he moans again, letting go of Jon and falling back down onto the bed. When Jon's done thrusting he goes to pull out and Brendon bites his lip hard, feeling empty and wet without Jon inside him anymore. He becomes gradually aware of how exhausted he is, though, sleepy and sated now that all his muscles feel loose and relaxed from his orgasm. Jon rolls off of Brendon and Brendon yawns, stretching and wincing a little at the soreness between his legs.
Jon laughs into Brendon's neck, moving to lie next to him on the bed. "Worn out?"
Brendon nods, a small, silly grin playing at his lips, and then he quickly corrects himself in case Jon gets the wrong idea. "No, I mean--that was, it wasn't bad at all, we can--"
Jon cuts Brendon off by kissing him softly. He pulls back and grabs a cloth from the side of the bed, using it to clean off Brendon's stomach and between his legs. Brendon blushes, almost insists on doing it himself, but Jon's hands are gentle and feel nice on Brendon's skin, nerves still sensitive from after his orgasm.
Jon settles back on to bed, lying next to Brendon and spooning up behind him. Even after having Jon inside him (and Brendon really is sore, but in a nice way, like he's done what he was supposed to and will have the ache to prove it the next day) being hugged is weird, more touching than Brendon's used to. He relaxes, though, snuggling back against Jon. Jon kisses the back of Brendon's neck lightly and Brendon shivers, smiling, intertwining their fingers together over his stomach.
"It's been a long day, but. You were perfect, Brendon. You are perfect."
Brendon blushes again before he can stop himself. He can go through his mind and think of plenty of things he shouldn't have done--shouldn't have let himself lose control like that, shouldn't have finished before Jon did--but Jon's words make him feel like Brendon really did please his husband. Or at least that Brendon is luckier than most and married someone kinder than he deserves.
"Thank you," Brendon murmurs before his mouth falls open and he yawns again. Jon pulls the sheets up over them, breathing softly against Brendon's neck. Brendon lets his eyes slip shut and falls asleep trying to match his breathing with Jon's, feeling warm and happy and like he belongs to his husband, to Jon.
Author: heavyhart
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Jon/Brendon
Summary: Scene from an arranged marriage AU (that may or may not ever be posted in full). Jon and Brendon's wedding night.
Notes: 3,106 words. ty to my friends for the encouragement. ♥
you can find something like a sequel to this fic here.
Brendon sits on the edge of the bed and tries not to fidget, even with goosebumps breaking out over his skin from the cool air coming in through the window--even cooler on the damp parts of Brendon's skin where he didn't dry off completely from his bath. Brendon eyes his pile of clothes folded neatly on the chair across the room, but footsteps down the hall make his gaze fall to his lap, where his hands are folded.
The door opens and Brendon goes completely still, listening carefully enough to hear Jon's sharp intake of breath.
"Brendon."
Brendon doesn't look up. "I-I'm yours to do what--what you will, and--"
Jon steps forward and rests one of his hands on Brendon's bare shoulder, using his other hand to cup Brendon's chin and tilt his head up. Brendon's eyes meet Jon's and he stares, breath getting caught in his throat at how beautiful and warm Jon's eyes glow in the dim light of the lamp, warm and kind. Brendon knew that, but--even now, even after all the formalities, Jon's eyes still carry that warmth.
"Brendon, you do not belong to me."
Jon's voice is gentle and it doesn't sound unkind, but Brendon has to quickly look down to mask his disappointment, the way his stomach drops. "I-I'm sorry that I--"
Jon tilts Brendon's chin back up and their eyes meet again. "You don't belong to anyone. Except yourself, okay? You're my husband, not my servant. And Brendon." Jon hesitates, eyes glancing down at Brendon's naked body before meeting Brendon's eyes again, his gaze much warmer than before. Brendon tries not to flush, tries to remember that this is how Jon is supposed to see him, this is what Brendon is supposed to be for Jon.
"We don't have to do this if you're not comfortable with it, you know that, right? I will never make you do anything you don't want to. It's been a long day and I'm sure you must be tired, so we can just--"
"No!" Brendon shouts, and then tucks his head down again as his face heats up in shame. Shouting at his new husband is completely against everything he's been taught, Brendon can't believe he let his emotions get away with him. He tenses and braces himself for the blow--Jon has every right--but it never comes. Instead, Jon brushes Brendon's dark hair away from his eyes, fingers gently stroking Brendon's cheek.
"What is it?"
Brendon leans into Jon's warm hand a little but doesn't look up, just mumbles, "I want to. I've... been preparing as best as I can and I want to do this for you, please." Brendon finally does look up at Jon, determined not to show that he's nervous. He can't keep from trembling, though, when Jon brushes his thumb over Brendon's bottom lip, swollen and red from when Brendon kept biting it earlier. The gesture isn't much of anything but it makes Brendon's whole body ache in a way it hasn't before, an unfamiliar tugging in his stomach.
"If you're sure... because we can always wait a day, or a week, or a month. We can wait."
Brendon nods quickly, trying to ignore the way his stomach is fluttering. "Please, tonight. Please." He hopes Jon understands that he's not being ungrateful for Jon's kindness, he just wants to belong to Jon--no matter what Jon says, Brendon is his--in the way he's been taught he's supposed to.
Jon smiles suddenly, wide and warm like his eyes that crinkle at the corners when he's happy, and Brendon smiles back before he can stop himself. Jon leans down and kisses Brendon's forehead, standing back up straight and pulling off his shirt.
Brendon tries not to stare, but--but he's never, ever seen another man like this before, not even another person, not since Brendon came of age. Jon is all solid muscle under skin, not muscle like a soldier would have but still stronger than Brendon by far--broad shoulders, wide chest, strong arms, all tan from being out in the sun. His muscles shift and flex underneath his skin as he moves, too, and Brendon stares, transfixed, as Jon bends down to take off his boots. Jon's humming to himself, just under his breath, and Brendon smiles until Jon stands up and starts to unlace his trousers.
Then Brendon--he can't look, he can't, not until Jon gives him permission. Brendon stares down at his hands, at the way his own cock is starting to stiffen just from anticipation and how warm Jon's hands felt on his skin. Brendon can feel his whole body flush hotly at that. What if Jon thinks he's overeager? What if Brendon doesn't please him right, isn't pretty enough, or Jon decides he wants a girl instead, or--
"Hey, stop doing that," Jon says lightly, placing his hands on Brendon's thighs and making Brendon shiver at the touch. Brendon opens his eyes, stares at where Jon is crouched a little in front of him. He doesn't look down, doesn't look down, but then Jon is leaning forward and kissing him and. Oh. Brendon lets his eyes slip shut and forgets everything save for Jon's lips moving against his, a little dry, and Brendon doesn't think about it when his tongue darts out to lick at Jon's lips, getting them wet. Jon makes a startled noise and opens his mouth, tilting his head and kissing Brendon harder, deeper, his beard scratching Brendon's face as Jon moves his mouth with Brendon's. It feels nice, much nicer than the peck during the wedding ceremony, and Brendon feels the fluttering in his stomach start up again. He certainly isn't thinking when he loops his arms up around Jon's neck, pulling him closer, their lips only separating so Brendon can catch his breath quickly. Brendon's almost surprised at how hard he's breathing, just from a kiss.
"Lay down," Jon whispers, one arm sliding behind Brendon's back to guide him onto the bed, moving back until Brendon's head is near the pillows and Jon is kneeling over Brendon. Jon keeps kissing him, and from the way his fingers dig into Brendon's back whenever Brendon moans, when Jon touches his tongue to Brendon's, Brendon hopes that he's pleasing Jon the way he's supposed to.
"Jon," Brendon sighs, arching his body up a little when Jon kisses his jaw, his neck.
"What do you want, Brendon?" Jon asks, lips sliding wetly over the sensitive skin of Brendon's neck and then sucking, hard enough that Brendon feels it low in his stomach, between his legs. Brendon moans a little, quietly, trying to think of the correct answer to that question.
"I-I want whatever you want, ah." Brendon tilts his head back, holding onto Jon's arms while Jon's lips and scratchy beard work their way down to Brendon's collarbone.
"Cheating," Jon says, scraping his teeth over Brendon's throat. Brendon gasps, pushing his hips up against nothing again.
"I want to please you, I don't know--I don't want anything else, oh, Jon."
Jon sucks lightly at the base of Brendon's throat and Brendon can feel him everywhere, the heat from Jon's hands and his mouth and the way the muscles shift in his forearms as Brendon holds onto him. Brendon went a long time without having anyone close because it wasn't proper, because there was too much of a risk of Brendon losing his purity, reserved only for his husband. The way Jon is kissing him now, though, is intoxicating. It makes Brendon dizzy with wanting more, now, everything. But Brendon also has a duty to remember, and he isn't about to let himself get distracted by Jon's sweet kisses.
"Wait," Brendon says, only it comes out as more of a gasp because of Jon's mouth on his chest, lips right above his nipple. Brendon doesn't want--he isn't supposed to think about Jon's mouth on him like that, and Brendon's wound so tight already. Jon pulls back, sitting up on his knees and staring at Brendon's face.
"Is this okay? If this is too much--"
Brendon shakes his head, letting his hands trail up and down Jon's arms nervously. "I want you to..." He looks up at Jon from under his bangs, chewing at his lip out of habit. "I want you to have me, now, please."
Jon keeps staring, his hands warm on Brendon's back where he's still holding him. Brendon tries not to squirm under Jon's gaze. He really isn't supposed to ask but Brendon wants it so badly, wants Jon to take him and make him his instead of teasing Brendon until Brendon comes out of his skin.
"We--there are other things, Brendon, we don't have to--"
"Want you inside me, please," Brendon says quietly, barely above a whisper, but the way Jon's eyes grow darker lets Brendon know that Jon heard him.
"I'll go slow," Jon says, moving his arms so he can reach for the little bottle of oil by the bed. Brendon knows what it's for, knows what goes where, but he still blushes as he spreads his legs apart underneath Jon. Jon turns back around and looks a little taken aback by Brendon's position, but just reaches down and strokes the soft skin on the inside of Brendon's thigh with his fingers, trying to relax Brendon but instead just making him shake with need.
Brendon almost says please again but then he doesn't have to, because Jon's leaning forward and kissing Brendon softly on the lips. Brendon kisses back, making a startled noise in his throat when one of Jon's slick fingers brushes down over his hole, circling the rim before slowly pushing inside. Brendon goes still under Jon, letting Jon kiss his neck as he slides his finger in and out of clenching heat. It's--strange, mostly, and Brendon's never heard anything about fingers, but his body belongs to Jon. He'll take whatever Jon gives him.
Brendon breathes carefully, his heart beating faster when Jon slips in another finger. This time Brendon can feel it more--it hurts, just a little bit. Jon's fingers are thick and Brendon tries to relax.
Jon must notice the way Brendon tenses, though, must be able to feel Brendon's muscles try to adjust, because he lifts his head up and looks into Brendon's eyes. "Does it hurt? Are you okay?"
Brendon smiles at Jon, nods. "I-I'm fine, please. Don't stop." He tilts his head back too, hoping Jon will kiss his neck again.
Jon kisses Brendon's mouth first, then sucks wetly at his neck, pushing his fingers in deeper and curling them a little.
Brendon gasps, hands grabbing at the sheets underneath him. When Jon curled his fingers just then, something--and oohh, Jon does it again, and Brendon arches his hips up as he moans loudly before catching himself, biting his lip and breathing heavily through his nose instead. Brendon wasn't so sure about Jon's fingers inside of him but whenever Jon does... something, Brendon's body buzzes, his own cock throbbing urgently between his legs.
Jon smiles against Brendon's neck. "That feels okay?"
"Oh, Jon, that feels--" Brendon's voice cuts off with a groan as he pushes his ass back onto Jon's fingers, wanting more. "Please, I want--you, Jon, please." Brendon spreads his legs wider for Jon, trying not to whimper when Jon pulls his fingers out and grabs the oil again.
Brendon looks down and--and actually looks, for the first time, his eyes going wide. Jon's cock is bigger than Brendon's, thicker, flushed red and hard in his hand as he covers it in the oil, rubbing some over the shiny tip with his thumb and grunting softly as he does. Brendon stares, heart pounding in his chest as Jon looks back down at Brendon, lining the head of his cock up where Brendon's stretched and ready for him.
"Relax, Brendon. Let me know if it's too much," Jon says, low, trying to be soothing, but Brendon can hear the strain in Jon's voice. Brendon nods, trying to arch his hips so it's easier for Jon to push in. Jon goes slow, painfully slow as Brendon bites his lip, trying to think about Jon's lips on his neck again, something other than how much the stretch burns as Jon presses inside, filling Brendon up much more than his fingers had. Deeper, too, and Brendon clutches the sheets again once Jon bottoms out, pressed up inside Brendon as far as Brendon can take him.
"Fuck, Brendon, you're." Jon groans, holding himself up on the bed above Brendon. Brendon leans up, taking a risk and kissing Jon on the mouth, desperate for the distraction, for more affection from Jon. There are tears stinging at the corners of his eyes from the burn of being so full but Brendon ignores them. This is his duty, this is what he's supposed to do, and Jon wouldn't hurt him, not on purpose.
"Please," Brendon breathes against Jon's lips, and Jon kisses the side of Brendon's mouth before he pulls out some, pushing slowly back in. It still hurts but Brendon's already getting use to the fullness, can already feel his muscles starting to relax around Jon. Jon starts to fuck him like that, steadily, leaning down to kiss Brendon's neck. Brendon tilts his head back and moves his hips, pushing his ass to meet Jon's thrusts. Jon suddenly pushes forward quickly, deep, and his teeth scrape against Brendon's sensitive neck. Heat flares in Brendon's stomach and he gasps, loud and shaky.
"Are--are you--"
"Please," Brendon moans again, body hot and itchy for more, his brain dizzy with this pleasure that's all so new to him. He hooks his legs around Jon's ass to urge him deeper and Jon tucks his head into the crook of Brendon's neck, thrusting harder. He pants into Brendon's ear how tight Brendon is, how good he feels, and Brendon just flushes and lifts his hips to meet Jon's thrusts, now not careful or steady at all. Something about lifting his hips changes the angle and Brendon groans when Jon pushes into that spot again, biting his lip to muffle the noise.
"No, fuck, want to hear you," Jon breathes, voice husky. Brendon lets his swollen lip go from his teeth, moaning instead every time Jon pushes in and makes Brendon's cock throb on his stomach. He knows he shouldn't but he wants to reach between them and hold his cock like Jon did, make the ache go away. Brendon loses that thought, though, as Jon kisses him again and Brendon's cock brushes against Jon's stomach, sliding wetly against Jon's soft skin when he leans down close enough. Brendon can't stop moaning, can't stop moving his hips with Jon. Everything feels so good, so hot, it pushes Brendon closer and closer to something he can't name but he wants, wants so badly he forgets everything else.
Brendon hooks his arms up around Jon's neck, too, can feel how Jon's skin is damp (Brendon's flushed all over, his thighs sticky and his neck wet from sweat and Jon's mouth). He doesn't know if Jon's close but his thrusts are uneven now, sharp and fast, and Brendon just holds on, letting the ache in his stomach build until it feels like he can't keep it back anymore, whatever it is that's building.
"Jon, Jon, oh, I'm--"
"It's okay, Bren, fuck." Jon reaches between them and wraps his fist around Brendon's leaking cock, pumping it quickly between their bodies. Brendon cries out at the flood of sensation and shudders as he finally lets go, coming in wet spurts over Jon's fist and his stomach, riding out the waves of his orgasm and digging his fingernails into Jon's skin. The feeling is intense and Brendon's whole body shakes with the force of it. Jon groans, thrusting hard as Brendon tightens around him, muscles clenching, and then Jon can't hold back anymore, coming deep inside Brendon just as Brendon goes limp underneath him.
Brendon can feel Jon's cock pulse hotly inside him and he moans again, letting go of Jon and falling back down onto the bed. When Jon's done thrusting he goes to pull out and Brendon bites his lip hard, feeling empty and wet without Jon inside him anymore. He becomes gradually aware of how exhausted he is, though, sleepy and sated now that all his muscles feel loose and relaxed from his orgasm. Jon rolls off of Brendon and Brendon yawns, stretching and wincing a little at the soreness between his legs.
Jon laughs into Brendon's neck, moving to lie next to him on the bed. "Worn out?"
Brendon nods, a small, silly grin playing at his lips, and then he quickly corrects himself in case Jon gets the wrong idea. "No, I mean--that was, it wasn't bad at all, we can--"
Jon cuts Brendon off by kissing him softly. He pulls back and grabs a cloth from the side of the bed, using it to clean off Brendon's stomach and between his legs. Brendon blushes, almost insists on doing it himself, but Jon's hands are gentle and feel nice on Brendon's skin, nerves still sensitive from after his orgasm.
Jon settles back on to bed, lying next to Brendon and spooning up behind him. Even after having Jon inside him (and Brendon really is sore, but in a nice way, like he's done what he was supposed to and will have the ache to prove it the next day) being hugged is weird, more touching than Brendon's used to. He relaxes, though, snuggling back against Jon. Jon kisses the back of Brendon's neck lightly and Brendon shivers, smiling, intertwining their fingers together over his stomach.
"It's been a long day, but. You were perfect, Brendon. You are perfect."
Brendon blushes again before he can stop himself. He can go through his mind and think of plenty of things he shouldn't have done--shouldn't have let himself lose control like that, shouldn't have finished before Jon did--but Jon's words make him feel like Brendon really did please his husband. Or at least that Brendon is luckier than most and married someone kinder than he deserves.
"Thank you," Brendon murmurs before his mouth falls open and he yawns again. Jon pulls the sheets up over them, breathing softly against Brendon's neck. Brendon lets his eyes slip shut and falls asleep trying to match his breathing with Jon's, feeling warm and happy and like he belongs to his husband, to Jon.