Fic: (il)Licit, Epilogue
Please see First post for story information and table of contents.
The last thing Jensen expected was for Jared to give him anything during that visit, least of all, a copy of the movie Jensen hadn’t even mentioned to Sandy. There was a note attached to the box, saying ‘This never did have anything to do with the characters you play. It was always about you, and it will always be about you.’
When Jensen turns around to say something, to make Jared stop and explain, he’s already gone.
“Fuck,” Jensen groans under his breath, and falls back into his bed.
Jensen’s heart had been in his throat when Sandy asked him so casually about Max. He’d foolishly decided to let her know, let her watch and talk, because he knows it would take a lot for her to do something so brash as air his dirty laundry when she’s been in such gems as ‘Diamonds in the Rough 3’, boob-double or no. She’d been a lady about it, describing how Jared was moving away from her in their relationship and how she wanted to see him happy, even if that meant without her and when he told her about it, they’d both known that Jared would find out sooner or later. Jensen had his suspicions on Jared being straight but never too tired for a good flirt, but Sandy was sure that Jared had fallen hard for Jensen under their noses. When she asked point blank if she could tell Jared, give Jared all of the tapes and videos Jensen had given her, it seemed perfectly fine to say yes. Stuck in Jensen’s head was the idea that Jared wasn’t really even attracted to him, but wanted to indulge his fantasies nonetheless and siphon off a little warmth on cold Vancouver nights. So he let Sandy do it. His mistrust of Jared’s feelings had made it impossible to give in that first night, but if Jensen could do it again, he doesn’t know how he would do things differently.
Jensen’s unrepentant for Max, seeing as Max kind of makes him who he is in a twisted little way, but he hates it when it gets in the way of people seeing him, when it means Jensen loses to Max. If Jensen had known that Max’s shadow would loom over him, there would have no amount of money or sex that could have made him go into the business in the first place. He’d rather be mute and reclusive than play bottom-boy porn star for the rest of his life.
Jensen looks down at the case again, gritting his teeth. ‘Assring’ had been the most horrifying thing Jensen ever did as Max.
Of what he remembers, they didn’t even tell him clowns were involved until he was in the room, getting manhandled from behind, tender lips on his neck and leathery gloves undressing him, pushing him down in front of the camera. With a gasp for effect, he accepts the cock pushing against his mouth, arching up to the invasion of cock sliding into his ass. It should be as basic a run as ever, but one look up into the camera and he’s stunned, genuinely frightened like he’s back in his living room at age 12. He’d had nightmares about it for weeks, any partner he even dreamt of fucking turning into a clown until he’s startled awake in a cold sweat.
Jensen had never sent Sandy this one because he knows the trauma is scrawled upon his face in it. He never had told Sandy that it even existed, so how the hell Jared had even found it was a big enough shock as is.
On a throwaway comment, he’d told Jared that anybody could find it if they looked in the right place, and Jensen knows it’s pretty much true. It’s not like Jensen thought Jared would go poking for it, though. Jensen doesn’t even know whether to be scared or flattered by Jared’s detective work. Jensen didn’t even have a copy of this one, locked away in a DVD portfolio in his safe deposit box in LA.
The case is unopened, and Jensen knows that Jared’s honest enough not to buy two copies in order to pull the wool over his eyes. He knows Jared could have opened it, watched it like the rest, and then given it to him in order to call him out on not giving it up along with his other assorted porno hits, but he also knows that Jared’s trying to prove he cares more about him than he ever could about Max. It stings, because nobody’s ever done this for Jensen before, but also because Jensen can’t bring himself to believe it’s true.
Jensen’s had enough people tell him that they were in the relationship for him just to get back into his pants over and over again that he doesn’t really know how to accept anybody else not doing it the minute they find out about his past. Past boyfriends were good at hiding it for a few weeks, Jensen knows, but the truth always came clear.
Jensen’s more than aware when he turns into a piece of meat. He can feel it in every part of his body, that gaze that makes him so uncomfortable it’s hard to even breathe, and seeing it in Jared’s eyes is as painful as it ever could be.
Jared’s been looking at him in that way since Sandy started sending him the porn, as agreed, and the message had become clearer over time, like a clear progression down into the rabbit hole of Max Sin. Jensen could see it, how desperately Jared wanted him to be that, be the person Max was in those videos, open and pliant. And even though the thought of that was indulgent, sweet and intense in the back of his head, Jensen didn’t want that to be the basis of a relationship. After weeks of being amused by the predicament he had placed Jared in, Jensen hadn’t realized it until it was too late, and he could see that unbridled desire to claim written clearly across Jared’s face. It didn’t matter how much Jared tried to hide or deny it. It hadn’t been warm or appreciative, then. Jensen wasn’t flattered or amused, and it didn’t feel like this was going to end with a simple fuck. It was then that this became so raw, that Jensen realized that Jared’s gaze had not only been of his own doing, but saw right through all of Jensen, replacing him with Max. And there, Jensen knew he was never going to be able to live with himself if he let this go on any longer.
“Goddamnit, Jared.”
Jensen didn’t ever expect to be this ripped into pieces about Jared. It’s not like he allows himself to think about it until a few weeks later, when Jensen’s making his way back to Los Angeles. His bed feels alien, like it really isn’t his, like he didn’t pick the sheets out, like they’re too cold, and he lies awake at four in the morning, looking at the ceiling.
He remembers everything of the first sexual encounter he had with Jared, of the taste of tequila in his mouth, of Jared’s powerful hand bearing down his cock. The insane pressure, aggressively brushing against each other. The hisses on Jared’s skin, the first time their lips fit together, drunk and lazy and messy but right nonetheless.
Jensen licks his lips hungrily, imagines those hands touching him now, arching into them as his fingers slide into his mouth. His free palm fixes around his erection, pumping slowly until his legs shift open like they’re uncomfortable. Jensen’s head pushes back into the pillows, his mouth falls open as his fingers slide down over the crown of his cock, teasing wetly.
It was like Jared read him openly that night, like Jensen had been transmitting. ‘Touch me here, stroke me like that, put your mouth here, let me come. Please, Jared.’
Jensen knows it should have began and ended with that one night, that Jared should have never seen anything beyond how Jensen looked when he came after having too much to drink. He looks down at himself, at sure hands.
He lays back, his strokes in rhythm with his breathing, and he tries to think about Jared. How he smelled, how he moaned while they fucked, those little facial expressions he’d make when he slid inside of Jensen, and how that mouth had looked so perfect after it had been chewed and sucked and abused in the most pleasurable of ways. Jensen’s strokes become shorter out of need, because the images in his head are all of one thing, and it’s irrefutable that Jared’s taken over this for him like a rude mark of ownership scrawled across Jensen’s dick. He gasps, free hand sliding into his hair and tugging sharply, hips arching into his hand as he strokes harder and faster and longer.
“Jesus,” Jensen whimpers, toes curling as a finger slides inside him hesitantly, finding that sweet spot as his head hangs down and his body arches up, fighting against him.
Jensen comes hard and solid and immobile, he holding his breath and speeding up his strokes and closing his eyes so tight he’s sure he’s tearing up. His orgasm attacks him like a swift kick to the head, or the first gasp of air after someone’s started choking you. Jensen pushes his head down into the pillow, breathing ragged, passing his fingers against a nipple while still trembling. It’s impossibly hot, and Jensen just has to lay there, hand still around his cock even after it falls half-hard against the side of his palm, cowering away after a powerful climax. Warmth itches at the back of his spine, as if to tell him that it’s not quite over yet, and sloshes like beer over the sides of a glass when he moves onto his side.
The hand in his hair slides over to his phone, picking it up and dialing Jared’s number. He doesn’t know what he wants to say, but something inside him wants to plead for forgiveness again, whisper low in Jared’s ear until he coaxes Jared to take his cock out and let Jensen describe what he’d do if he were right there.
For all the insecurity Jensen genuinely has about Max, about his past and the things he’s done, he’s willing to try biting his tongue about it and let Jared really see him, talk to him. The damage is done, though, and Jensen has the feeling that Jared’s the kind of man who wants a person with a spine. It was dumb to try and seduce Jared with promises of Max with the expectation that Jared would see beyond that, and it’s painful that Jensen knows that now. He should have indulged Sandy’s curiosity in confidence and been done with it. What he had with Jared is probably lost without hope of repair, and Jensen’s body flares at the idea of what could have been one final time.
Jensen’s mind floats back to that tape, to the fact that Jared didn’t open it, and what that’s supposed to mean to the both of them. Jared doesn’t do very many things without at least thinking them through, and Jensen knows that his inability to trust Jared made it clear that it was.
Jensen puts down the phone and falls asleep.
Jensen’s got four hours to decide whether or not he’s going to go talk this out with Jared. His plane leaves in a few minutes and he looks out the window to the runway one last time, thinking of how hard it sucks to be going back so early instead of hanging sweet in LA’s scorching summer, but it’s for the best if he expects to be comfortable. His tongue feels thick in his mouth, his stomach feels empty and full at the same time, and there’s only one thing on his mind.
Jensen admits it himself: Max was engineered as an overgrown sex toy, the kind of pretty little thing you chain to your bed to writhe and call your name when you give it to him good enough. It turns Max on to turn you on, it turns Max off when you’re bored and on top. He’s a nymphomaniac, and isn’t nearly as picky as he looks. He loves being held down, bent over, folded up, or put in any position that would make for easy access, and he loves it when he gets to come hard. Doesn’t matter if it’s from a man, a woman, a toy, or a machine. If you’ve got a cock, Max Sin is most likely hungry for it, and that stomach is bottomless in all it’s spectacularly flat glory.
It wasn’t what Jensen needed at the time, and he realizes that as much as the next guy, but it was a side hobby that helped him out when his real acting career was on the skids. Tight thighs and pretty little lips, and a look that could melt steel it was so hot, no matter of what it was doing. Max practically begged ‘use me’ without opening his mouth. He worked for a company that treated him well, like a thoroughbred in a pedigree stable, a valuable asset, and even though the porn world may sound dark and shady, Max Sin’s plight often wasn’t. He had fun, he got fucked, he got paid, see you next Thursday.
Even now, there’s a part of that still inside him, insatiable and hungry. Max Sin was never a whore, but he was always up for a challenge, always up to see what his submission would draw out of someone else. Max could do whatever he so pleased within theme and variations, and Jensen had secretly admired that freedom, but Jensen knows that Max was plastic, disembodied holes and throwaway lines. A character that had words for when they needed, but was cardboard. Pretty cardboard, cardboard Jensen would like to fuck, if he were vain and honest with himself, but cardboard nevertheless.
Jensen falls asleep on the flight once the plane is in the air, and tries not to dream about a threesome between Jared, Max and him. Without surprise, he fails.
“Back in Vancouver, Jen? So early?”
“LA was getting too boring, man. Wanted to come back before we started taping. Get back into the swing of things.”
“You trying to say something? Something maybe like how you’ve come back to self-depreciate yourself in front of me some more?” Jared sounds angry, sounds raging like fire. Jensen sighs an unsteady breath.
“I want to come over and hang out. Chill or something,” Jensen says. “I’m at my hotel, and I can stay here if you’re thinking that there’s no way I came back to do anything but beg for your forgiveness.”
“Look, I’m sorry,” Jared sighs, sounds watery. “I’m still on set, and it’s been a hard day and…”
“It can wait,” Jensen says.
“No, it can’t,” Jared barks back. “You still got the key? Still know where I am?”
Jensen doesn’t know if he can answer the second question, but he sure as hell can answer the first. “I’ve still got my key.”
“Go on, then, I’ll be home soon. Make yourself at home if I don’t answer,” Jared says. Jensen groans for air, and makes his decision. Jared’s voice sounds warm, hearty, beautiful. Jensen snaps his cell phone shut and tries not to think about what’s going to happen when they talk about this again.
Jensen knocks on the door before sliding his key into the lock, and Jared slides it open with a silky, filthy smile. “Hey.”
“Hey, man,” Jensen smiles nervously. “How you doin?”
“I’m so good, right now. Been waiting for a while for this,” Jared purrs. “You?”
“I’m fine,” Jensen nods, as Jared stands aside, letting him walk in. “Jared, are you okay?”
Jared looks like a caricature of himself in front of Jensen, like Jared’s turned hungry and feral, like he’s been tearing himself up while waiting. Or, Jared got into a fight with a personal stylist and lost, Jensen figures. Hair slick and hanging in Jared’s eyes, lips pouting and glossy plump, chest heaving with thick breath. Tight white t-shirt, well-fitted jeans that hang alluringly off Jared’s hips, no shoes and a hard-on packed tight in Jared’s jeans. Jensen doesn’t know what’s happening, but he knows what Jared’s screaming.
“I’m fine,” Jared says, voice lowering, “But I’m not Jared.”
The door closes behind Jensen, and they stand awkwardly in the hallway. Jensen snorts, crossing his arms. “Alright, I’ll bite. If you aren’t Jared, then who are you?”
“Jensen? Your name is Jensen, right?” Jared’s voice is thick, slow and sultry and he bites his lip, looks at Jensen through his eyelashes. Jensen nods dumbly. “Well, Jensen, I’ll give you three guesses, and if you get it wrong, you can sleep in the wet spot and we’ll call it even.”
Jensen laughs dry in his throat. “What, is this your idea of some kind of cruel Joke? You up here trying to seduce m-”
Jared interrupts him, “Max. Max Sin? Maybe you’ve heard of me, maybe you haven’t. Not like it’s gonna matter by the end of the night, Jensen.”
Jensen’s eyes widen, and he realizes he probably looks a lot like an owl. Whatever. “Stop joking.”
“Who said I was joking?” Jared asks, mouth quirking up in a half-smirk. “I’m far from joking, but you’ll know soon enough, I suppose. Jared told me a lot about you, and I bet all of it’s true, right? You gonna put me through my paces tonight? I know you’d like nothing more.”
In the strangest, vainest way possible, Jensen’s absolutely sure that’s true. He laughs a little, and tries not to think too hard about it. Fine, Jensen decides. Two can play at this game. Jensen closes the token space between the two of them, and thanks god he’s wearing his lucky boots.
“I’d like to think that’s the biggest understatement you can make about someone like me, but hey, if you think I simply want to put you through your paces, then that’s absolutely fine with me,” Jensen reasons, and he can already feel Jared turn submissive, body whispering ‘use me anyway you want’ as he stands between Jensen’s legs. Jensen reaches up to pull on Jared’s hair, yanking him down to lay claim on those lips, spicy sweet with lip gloss of all things, and giving way to a tongue that’s lazy and begging and saying the words Jared’s version of Max can’t bring himself to say.
Jared whimpers when Jensen pulls away, pulling his ear down to Jensen’s mouth. “Now, get on your knees and prove to me how much you want my cock.”
Jensen stands back, and when Jared falls to his knees in surrender, he damn near enthusiastically thrusts his face right against the inseam of Jensen’s jeans. He looks up, batting his eyelashes, “Gonna lick your boots, Jensen.”
“Think you’re my slave, boy?” Jensen responds, blood pulsing as Jared’s head bows lower, starts breathing heavier, gets on hands and knees before unrolling a mile long tongue on the toe of Jensen’s left shoe, giving the leather a tongue bathing.
“I’ll be anything you want me to be,” Jared says, dreamily and Jensen’s almost surprised that Jared did anything more than jack off to Max, certainly figuring out the mannerisms and piecing together the voice and pasting an outfit going above and beyond the call of duty. It’s flattering, if imitation being the highest form of flattery is genuinely true like everybody says it is. So it’s time to rise to the challenge of maximizing the amount of things he gets to do while Jared’s having this porn-star experience, no pun intended. Jensen bends down, and pulls Jared up from his boot by the hair.
“I remember telling you to suck my cock, somewhere in there,” he says, and Jared’s eyes sparkle with the surprise of seeing Jensen settle into his role in this, too. He waits until Jensen’s grip eases and then pulls Jensen closer to him, undoing buttons and zippers with his mouth and pulling Jensen’s pants down around his ankles. A single solid breath and Jared’s whole face might as well be down in Jensen’s crotch, the way he’s swallowing that dick whole. There’s technique in there, somewhere, but Jensen’s mostly overpowered by that blatant enthusiasm, like Jared’s genuinely focused on nothing but getting Jensen off as quickly and efficiently as he can.
“Shit, like that,” Jensen orders when he can feel himself scrape along the back of Jared’s throat. His hand pulls at Jared’s hair harder, enough to make Jared groan deliciously before a hand comes up to play with the hair of Jensen’s thighs. When Jensen knows he about to come, both he and Jared pull back, although Jared leaves the head of Jensen’s cock in his mouth, looking up while Jensen spills on his tongue. He closes his mouth and swallows and licks Jensen clean, if that helps anything. He looks pretty cocky, and for the most part, Jensen gets the message.
If Jensen were a genuine masochist, or had that much bad blood for Max, Jensen knows this would get out of control, Jensen knows he’d want to see how far this persona could take Jared, see where his mouth would outrun his body, outrun his sanity. The thought of seeing Jared crumble sounds delicious, but Jensen knows why Jared’s doing this, after all. Well fine, if Jared wants to show how devoted he is to Jensen and not Max on this whackjob sexual tangent they’re kind of barreling off on, then he’ll be made to show it. He leans Jared back, crowding in and around, cock hanging half-limp out of his jeans as he presses gingerly on Jared’s thigh with his boot. One hand slides into Jared's hair, and the other settles around his neck, poised to cut Jared's air off.
“What do you want me to do to you?” Jensen asks. Jared’s shaking under him, and Jensen presses a little harder, knowing what he’s stepping on. “C’mon. Won’t do anything if you don’t say it. Won’t keep my attention much longer, that way.”
“Do whatever you want to me,” Jared breathes, eyes fluttering shut, tongue darting to lick at his lips, and then looking up like a solid dare. “Fuck me wherever and however you want. I swear it’ll be so good for you, I can do whatever you need me to get you off and get you hard again. You could stop any time you wanted. I’m tight and can keep it up for so long and I’ve been practicing so you can put me in any position you might like.”
“This isn’t a personals ad,” Jensen barks. He presses his hand further into Jared's throat, watches and listens to Jared gasp and fight himself.
Jared looks up, even though Jensen’s palm is right between his eyes, holding his head down to the wall. He opens his mouth and makes a quiet noise of submission before Jensen pulls the hand on his throat back. “I want you to fuck me, I want you to tie me up, I want you to fuck me with your fingers and your mouth and I want you to use anything you want on me, I want you to bend me over whenever you feel the urge, I want you to…oh god. I want, Jensen. I want you to do whatever you want to me. You don’t even have to make me come, I just want you inside me.”
“Huh,” Jensen says, stepping back, making his eyes bore into Jared’s skin, watching as Jared keeps his eyes fixated on him. There’s palpable heat between the two of them, even in a position like this, and Jensen can hear Jared’s labored breathing, can see Jared hang his head in wait, hair hanging over his eyes as he looks absolutely tortured and on edge already. Jensen’s impressed, and wonders how Jared got all of this out of watching porn. “Well. I’m sure we can arrange something that will be to my satisfaction.”
“I’ve been known to service well,” Jared says, and when he raises his head again, there’s nothing about this body that says ‘Jared Padalecki’, it’s all ‘Max Sin’.
So Jensen treats him like Max. Picking him up by the collar of his shirt, throwing him into the kitchen. “Are you prepared?”
Jared looks back at him, “Lube and condoms in the cabinet over there.”
“Good,” Jensen nods, and presses back. “Strip for me, down to boxers.”
Jared keeps smoldering eye contact with him, a self-assured smirk on his lips as he flirts with the bottom of his shirt before snatching it into his fingers and raising it over his head, dropping it behind him. There’s no flair, no frills, like Max was trying to jump out of his clothes, rip them apart and abandon them, no swaying hips or long lines. Jared reaches down for his jeans, and undoes the top button before shimming out of them, running a hand over the waistband of his tight boxer-briefs, Calvin Kleins like Jensen used to wear when he was on set and had to do one of these strip teases.
“How do you want me?” Jared asks.
“Bent over that table, for a start, hands beside you,” Jensen comments, walking up and putting the supplies in easy reach and pulling over a chair like he’s about to inspect his prize. “You clean?”
“In more ways than one. Wanted you to get anything you wanted outta me,” Jared sighs.
“I’ve been told I can get very enthusiastic, especially when it comes to boys like you, Max,” Jensen comments, running the back of his hand up over Jared’s thigh, fingers turning to brush against the waist of Jared’s underwear. He can feel Jared gasp, like they’ve passed the last checkpoint to turn back. “You sure you can handle it?”
“I’ll tell you if and when I can’t,” Jared says, matter-of-factly. Jensen pulls the underwear away and lets it fall around Jared’s ankles. A careful hand goes to press down at the small of Jared’s back, arching that ass up to see a glass plug holding Jared open pretty wide. Jensen passes a finger over it, and nudges it in a little farther to see Jared arch into the touch.
“I’m sure you’re going to handle anything I’ll throw, then. Guess I can just slide right in.” Jensen comments, undressing and stepping back into his boots. “I bet you’re eager and all sex starved, the way you're ready for me. What, Jared not give it up for you, either?”
Jensen reaches out, caressing the skin of one cheek before pressing his lips together and letting the palm fall down hard over Jared’s ass. Jared arches, gasps, and silently asks for more.
“Jensen,” Jared says.
“Whatever I want, right?” Jensen asks, spanking Jared again.
“Oh, god,” Jared groans, “Fuck me.”
“In a minute,” Jensen snaps, slapping Jared’s ass again. “Bet you like this, bet I could have you counting off for me, eating out the palm of my hand. Maybe later.”
“Fuck me already, just…oh god,” Jared pleads, as Jensen sheaths himself in a condom. Jensen grabs the handle and turns it inside Jared before pulling it out fluidly. Jared’s entrance pulls open around the widest part of the plug, and gapes open a little after it’s all the way out. Jensen stands up and slides right in, stroking hard and complete and right. Jared seizes up around him, cries out, and Jensen stretches his hands out to pull up handfuls of Jared’s long hair, arching his head back and Jensen can see Jared grabbing the ends of the table. It’s the hottest thing Jensen’s seen in a long time, even from this angle.
“Oh shit, you’re so big,” Jared moans, wet and dirty as he spreads his legs apart to give Jensen more leverage. He arches up, helps Jensen fuck him. “Fuck me like that.”
Jensen does as he’s asked, pressing in with a ferocious thrust of hips, carefully avoiding what Jared wants him to hit. Jared can’t seem to stop making pretty little noises, a half bitten ‘please’ sprinkled here and there and a landscape of one-syllable words groaned like all of Jared’s breath has escaped. Jensen keeps going, pushing hard and steady, toes curling on the cool tile of the floor. Jensen bends over and clings to Jared’s body, kissing at a shoulder softly before turning Jared’s head to eat at his mouth, at chapped lips and warm tongue. Jared’s whimpering, now, and convulsing until Jensen’s ready to come, and even his technique here is enough to drain Jensen dry of his second orgasm, biting down on the skin of Jared’s collarbone and pulling hard enough to tear into flesh.
“C’mon,” Jared begs. “You know you want to see me come.”
“You’re right, I do. Some time later, I suppose.” Jensen shrugs, lowers his voice a bit, as menacing and dominant as Jensen can manage. “If you play your cards right, you might just feel it tomorrow, too.”
Jared leans up on his hands, locking his shoulders as he stands, “of course, sir.”
Jensen snorts. “Tease. Now c’mon.”
Jared discards his shorts, as Jensen brings the plug and the lube along with him to the sofa in the other room. Jensen turns on the tv, bitterly surprised at the fact that there’s no porn in the VCR or DVD player, and puts it on the news. He looks over to Jared, who’s still playing that cutesy little slut routine like he’ll get an Emmy nod for it.
“Lie back,” Jensen orders, and Jared shrugs, doing as told.
“What’re you gonna do, huh?” Jared asks, breathless and cocky. “Gonna fuck me again?”
“Something like that,” Jensen comments, lubing his own fingers before sitting back and pushing them in. he manages three, finding Jared’s prostate with ease. “Gonna keep you on edge until they start flashing around that ‘entertainment news’ bullshit.”
“Oh god,” Jared sighs, pushing his head all the way back as Jensen presses around his prostate, letting the ridges and peaks glide in his hands warmly. Jensen wonders about what genuinely will have to happen. “Jensen…”
“Shh,” he responds, nodding to the TV, where there’s another story about local infrastructure and the digital age or something like that. Jared squirms, and Jensen just ignores him, pressing his fingers into Jared’s prostate again, this time sweeping in tight circles. Jared makes a maddeningly tortured sound, and tries to stay still.
“I’m gonna…” Jared starts, and Jensen’s fingers stop where they are. Jared whimpers, trying to arch and clench and get those fingers to do what he wants to, but Jensen just looks down at him.
“Can you keep it down? I want to see what happened to Lindsay Lohan,” Jensen claims, and Jared whimpers, breathing like he’s trying to control himself until he relaxes back into the sofa.
“Jesus, don’t stop, oh god,” Jared forces, and Jensen looks down at him seeing him bite his lower lip and try to hold himself still. He’s spread thin on his side of the sofa, both hands behind his head grabbing at the arm, and one leg sprawled over the back of the sofa while the other lies flat on the floor. The lip flicks out, more red and plump than it had been before, and Jared’s little sideways shimmy is too much, too hot to handle, and finally when Jared makes it to the entertainment news Jensen knows neither of them are actually listening to, he jabs his knuckles against Jared’s prostate again, a crooked little twist directly in the center where Jensen knows from experience that the most fierce sensations reside. Jared makes this strangled noise, raises up into Jensen’s hands, and comes, sobbing and pressing his head further back into the couch.
“You know, that idiot girl has been in rehab one too many times for being so young, don’t you think, Max? She’s only a little younger than you are, isn’t she?” Jensen says, nonchalant. Another jab to Jared’s prostate sends him on a high flying aftershock, screaming Jensen’s name, and for a second, Jensen almost thinks he would want to keep this going for as long as Jared would let him.
“I want you to get in me,” Jared groans, sliding his hands down his sides, chest heaving as his toes curl. “Jensen, please.”
Jensen takes his free hand and drags it leisurely through the pool of sweat and come on Jared’s lower chest. Jensen’s hand slides up to Jared’s mouth, pressing insistent fingers in. Jared sucks Jensen’s fingers in, hungry for it, sliding his tongue over Jensen like he’s been starving. Jared presses up, moaning as he presses his legs further apart, trying to look like he’s already prepared to go for another round of anything Jensen will throw at him.
“I want you to kiss me,” Jared huffs. “Jensen.”
“I want you in bed, Max,” Jensen shrugs. “But, we all can’t get what we want, you know.”
Jared reaches up for him and yanks a hand into his hair, getting Jensen down onto his lips, his open mouth. It’s wet and sloppy and punctuated by uninhibited submission, the kind where the other person doesn’t want do anything that won’t make you happy, so they refuse to try. Jensen pulls away.
“Go get on the bed, I’ll come in there in a few minutes,” he says, getting up and going back into the kitchen. He washes the plug and his hands free of lube before it dries and gets sticky, and bends his head to take a drink of water. The TV’s still on in the other room, even though Jared’s already gone, and Jensen returns back to the living room to switch it off before he goes into the bedroom, expansive and peaceful. In the bed, Jared’s already turned down the sheets and is laying on his back. He’s holding onto the bedpost, taking up his side of the bed while fluttering his eyelashes as if he’s paying attention to every move he could make, selling himself to Jensen, convincing that he’s fit enough to see this through.
“I want you, Jensen,” Jared says, in a voice so unlike his own that it makes Jensen shiver, like he’s watching a real-time performance of some legend, be it Chi-Chi Larue or Paul Newman. Jared might not be either, but there’s something so Max about his stare, about his demeanor and how he’s on his back in the bed, naked and inviting and downright sultry. Some part of Jensen wants the real Jared back before his whole world tilts sideways at this rate. “Kick off those boots, sit down next to me.”
There’s something intoxicating about the melody of the words that makes Jensen do as he’s told, toeing his boots off and getting up on the bed, climbing Jared like a tree, planting lips all over and trying to imagine if this is what Max genuinely would have wanted from him, total and complete power reversal: a top at his bottom’s whim. Jensen takes Jared’s face into his hands, and brings his lips down to brush over Jared’s in a tease of a kiss. It’s intense, how hot and fragile it becomes, just breathing on Jared’s lips, looking down at him. Jared whimpers and rolls them over, landing Jensen on his back.
“Gonna ride you,” Jared warns, stroking Jensen gently while unpacking a condom with his free hand and teeth, putting the rolled up latex in his mouth and bringing his lips down to unwrap it over Jensen’s cock. Jensen sighs, and Jared pulls away, sultry eyes looking at Jensen while Jared’s hands are spreading lube on him. In a smooth move that looks like it’s ripped straight from one of those movies, Jared raises himself, arching his body to position himself and then poises himself over Jensen’s dick, a hand gathering up his own dick and balls to give Jensen a front-seat view of the invasion.
It’s visceral, watching the head of his dick disappear into Jared, all the way down until their bodies are flush together. Jared makes a noise of satisfaction and rocks in little circles on his dick. Jensen watches, gasping along and trying to think of everything he can to make sure that he doesn’t come yet, seeing Jared transform from porn-star wannabe into to a bonafied sex-pot porn star, head rolling back and arms reaching backwards for Jensen’s legs as he raises himself up and down, a little more every time. Suddenly, it’s like Jensen’s watching an overgrown sex toy do all the work for him, soft torso, long cock and strong thighs, shaking and quivering as they raise and bounce up and down, hitting every angle possible. It’s like Jared’s read the Max Sin playbook enough times to know theme and variation, and within that, understand how to keep the character going when Jensen doesn’t even think he could.
Jared squeals, head snapping back even further as he leans over a little, hips still working like clockwork, to lean over. Jensen leans up on his hands and then pushes up his legs, folding Jared back into him until they’re both sitting up, thrusting into each other, and finally, Jensen takes Jared’s head and rolls it back to normal, where his eyes are hazy-drunk with lust and his mouth is slack, a picture of maddening euphoria that makes Jensen want to keep going and going. Jared makes small noises, and hot eye contact that makes the sweet feeling of his ass tight around Jensen impossible to withstand for very much longer.
“Yeah,” Jared whispers, still trying to look like he’s every man’s anonymous dream. Jensen doesn’t quite have the heart to tell him that it’s hard to see him as Max although it’s easy to appreciate the sentiment and stop thinking about the message. Jensen knows now that if he wanted to, he could ask Jared to play a doormat for a dinner party and Jared would willingly get trampled. It’s hard to believe that Jared didn’t show any feelings for Max, but there’s something in this performance that resonates loud and clear and now there’s only a few things left to go, and one of them is to make Jared really come like a porn star. “Fuck me, Jensen. Oh god, do it hard. Like that, hard like that, make me come c’mon.”
Jensen turns Jared over, lays him back down on the bed and spreads his legs wider, draping them up and over his shoulders. “You ready?”
Jared’s mouth twists into a smirk that’s all Max Sin. Jensen’s hips snap into overdrive, hitting that spot over and over again, until Jared’s harried and panting hard, hands surrendered into his hair. Jared’s hands fall for Jensen’s thighs, pulling closer and farther in to Jensen for leverage and meets every rise of Jensen’s hips with his own. His toes curl into each other, and Jared’s body convulses in a way Jensen’s never seen before. Jared looks up at him, all innocent and afraid and when Jensen puts a hand on Jared’s dick, he cries out hard, screaming Jensen’s name as he comes, whole body thrumming and arching as Jensen fucks him through it, every angle still intended to keep it going until Jensen’s out of breath, or Jared’s out of come. Jensen’s hand wanders away from Jared’s dick, and gathers up one of the hands on his thigh, squeezing it tight in a moment of intimacy that breaks through Jared’s act. Jared uses one leg to wrangle Jensen in and down to him and closer while the other leg pushes Jensen’s hips in deeper and keeps them there, forcefully.
When Jensen gets the hint and comes down to Jared’s face, Jared’s mouth runs sloppy across his cheek and ends at his ear, back to his normal voice and demeanor, dark and smooth with a little bit of slow Texan, saying, “C’mon, Jens. Come inside me. Stop torturing yourself and let go.”
Jensen uses his free hand to steady Jared’s head, and lands on Jared’s open lips in a sloppy kiss as he does lets go, still moving inside but slowly letting that climax rush from the steady ringing in his ears and the pool of heat at the small of his back all the way into his cock. He cries into Jared’s mouth, thrusts erratic and then not there at all. His vision whites out and when he rolls out of his orgasm, Jared’s impossibly tight around him like it will start some kind of multiple orgasm, but Jensen knows it won’t. They’ll work on that, if Jensen ever gets to have this again.
Jensen slides out, and Jared looks at him, back hauntingly in Max’s persona. “I’m gonna go take a shower. Wanna join me?”
“You’re killing my stamina, kid,” Jensen yawns.
“Old man,” Jared snickers. “Jared said you’d be good.”
“Hope he didn’t lie to you,” Jensen shrugs.
“You sure you don’t want to join me for that shower?” Jared asks. Jensen takes off the condom and ties it off.
“Mmm, nah,” Jensen says, watching Jared gingerly get off the bed, walking a little bow-legged to the bathroom. “Call me if you want some more.”
“Jensen,” Jared says, “I’m always gonna want more and you know it. Gonna want you until I go blind from it.”
Jensen smiles, not even knowing who he’s talking to anymore as rolls over and dozes off. In the background, he can hear the water turn on in the shower, and hear Jared splashing around, but sleep pulls him in before he can answer that siren’s call of a long filthy moan again.
In the morning, Jensen wakes up to a cold empty bed. He’s naked, and after a piss, takes one of Jared’s sweaters from the nearby chair to venture outside. Jared’s sitting on the couch, reading a book and drinking coffee.
“Hi,” Jensen says, getting Jared’s attention.
“Hey, Jens,” Jared says, smooth and easy and a little like last night never happened. Jensen places a hand behind his back, nails biting as they fold into his palm. “There’s coffee.”
“Mmm.” Jensen says, as he walks off into the kitchen, grabbing the pot and fixing some for himself.
“Sorry about coming home so late last night, by the way,” Jared declares over the dead and empty space of two rooms in his apartment. “Didn’t expect to stay that late or…”
“Give it up, Jared,” Jensen says, voice dragging with exasperation. “It’s not cute. We fucked. A lot. Really nice and hard and you thought you were Max for a second, there. You fooled me a few times, had the word ‘slut’ scribbled right across your forehead. Would have said or done anything while I was fucking you.”
“And you don’t get the point, because I liked it. I liked being that for you, liked doing that for you, liked healing that wound for you,” Jared whispers, crowding in around Jensen and pressing up against his back. “If the only way you’ll accept the fact that I love you is if I have to act like the man you were a few years back when you did gay porn, then I’ll do it. I’ll do it every time you ask, every time you want.”
“I want you, Jared,” Jensen whispers, “It’s just that…nobody’s ever done this kind of thing for me before. All of the people who knew about Max thought I was docile and submissive and empty like him. Even Sandy told me that it might not work because you were a bottom, too. I’m not. I don’t care what I am but I know it’s not what everybody believes, it’s not him. It’s really a lot for me to believe that you don’t, too…”
“I…”
Jensen turns around, and Jared stands back to give him room. “Let me finish. Nobody’s ever picked Max up and put him on for me before, it’s always been the other way around, and while you pull that off fabulously, I want you, Jared. Not Max, however good your impression of him might be. I’m sorry I got into this with you, but I’m not sorry about last night, or any other time I’ve ever gotten to touch you, because of it. Last night you looked up, and even through the whole Max Sin song and dance, you saw me.”
Jared nods. “I want to start over.”
“Start over? Haven’t we tortured each other enough?” Jensen asks, and Jared wraps his hands around Jensen’s waist, the cup of coffee between them.
“I want to take you out on a few dates, Jen. Y’know, have awkward dinner conversation, kiss you chastely for a few weeks, and string you along until I think it’s proper to ‘make love’ and then that’ll be it. It’ll be a real relationship,” Jared says.
“Did Sandy tell you to tell me that? Because she definitely told me to tell you that. We’re in a relationship, Jared. Sure it’s warped, but I wouldn’t give it up for awkward dinner conversation and proper courtship. Who do you think I am? The Duke of York? Where’s my dowry, huh?”
“Cheeseball,” Jared smirks.
“Hey, you watched this cheeseball’s whole back catalogue of sex tapes, geekboy. Get over it,” Jensen says.
“You act like it was such a chore,” Jared smiles, theatrically throwing a hand over his eyes, “oh no, they’ve sent me more porn to watch, whatever shall I do?”
“Shut up and kiss me is what you’re gonna do,” Jensen says, his eyes floating down to Jared’s lips.
“Well, yes sir,” Jared grins, leaning down and when Jensen arches up to meet Jared’s lips to his, they’re soft and taste like coffee and inside his mouth tastes sharp and sweet like black with two sugars, Jensen knows that he’s got what he’s wanted all along. The extra caffeine might just be a signing bonus.
Besides, out of all the feelings Jensen’s had in his life, standing in Jared’s arms, making out against a kitchen countertop and finally knowing that Jared wants him, and is willing to fight to have him as fiercely as he wants and fights for Jared might be the best feeling in the world.
Jensen closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and says what he’s been meaning to say for the last few months.
“Jared?”
“Hmm?” Jared replies, stealing another kiss from timid lips. “What’s up?”
“I love you,” Jensen says, looking up at those lips because it’s hard to look into Jared’s eyes without wanting to cry and drag him off to bed at the same time. The words come out harsh, and Jensen doesn’t know because he’s never said them with this much meaning before, or if it’s different because it’s here, in Jared’s apartment kitchen, and the tile’s reverb bounces the words back at him, like proof that there’s no turning back.
Jared smiles, pulling Jensen’s head up a little to look back at him.
“I love you too, Jens.”
Author's Notes: This is the most intense thing I've done in a few years, due to both scheduling and my determination to leave as many original scenes I had intended in the story. Originally, the prompt was from Spn_wank_off: Jensen did porn at some point early in his career and now Jared can't (won't) stop watching it. Needless to say, I couldn't stop writing it, and it grew into this epic monster without really needing to be. Still, I want to thank the mods of that, Both wendy and kashmir1 for giving me the oppritunity to get a prompt that really just slipped through my fingers. Sure, It's overdue as a motherfucker, and would not ever been finished if it weren't for the likes of ninjetti75, Glendaglamazon, raynedanser and Ze_pink_lady. Thank you all, this is a labor of my love for you as much as it is my labor of love for the characters. Be it your beta work or your input or how you were the wall I could beat my head on until something broke through, I'm happy you all were along for the ride, and hope you love it as much as I love you. Finally, and this is a big one, thank you guys for actually, you know, making it this far. There's a box of fresh panties at the door, if you need a new pair. ;)
The last thing Jensen expected was for Jared to give him anything during that visit, least of all, a copy of the movie Jensen hadn’t even mentioned to Sandy. There was a note attached to the box, saying ‘This never did have anything to do with the characters you play. It was always about you, and it will always be about you.’
When Jensen turns around to say something, to make Jared stop and explain, he’s already gone.
“Fuck,” Jensen groans under his breath, and falls back into his bed.
Jensen’s heart had been in his throat when Sandy asked him so casually about Max. He’d foolishly decided to let her know, let her watch and talk, because he knows it would take a lot for her to do something so brash as air his dirty laundry when she’s been in such gems as ‘Diamonds in the Rough 3’, boob-double or no. She’d been a lady about it, describing how Jared was moving away from her in their relationship and how she wanted to see him happy, even if that meant without her and when he told her about it, they’d both known that Jared would find out sooner or later. Jensen had his suspicions on Jared being straight but never too tired for a good flirt, but Sandy was sure that Jared had fallen hard for Jensen under their noses. When she asked point blank if she could tell Jared, give Jared all of the tapes and videos Jensen had given her, it seemed perfectly fine to say yes. Stuck in Jensen’s head was the idea that Jared wasn’t really even attracted to him, but wanted to indulge his fantasies nonetheless and siphon off a little warmth on cold Vancouver nights. So he let Sandy do it. His mistrust of Jared’s feelings had made it impossible to give in that first night, but if Jensen could do it again, he doesn’t know how he would do things differently.
Jensen’s unrepentant for Max, seeing as Max kind of makes him who he is in a twisted little way, but he hates it when it gets in the way of people seeing him, when it means Jensen loses to Max. If Jensen had known that Max’s shadow would loom over him, there would have no amount of money or sex that could have made him go into the business in the first place. He’d rather be mute and reclusive than play bottom-boy porn star for the rest of his life.
Jensen looks down at the case again, gritting his teeth. ‘Assring’ had been the most horrifying thing Jensen ever did as Max.
Of what he remembers, they didn’t even tell him clowns were involved until he was in the room, getting manhandled from behind, tender lips on his neck and leathery gloves undressing him, pushing him down in front of the camera. With a gasp for effect, he accepts the cock pushing against his mouth, arching up to the invasion of cock sliding into his ass. It should be as basic a run as ever, but one look up into the camera and he’s stunned, genuinely frightened like he’s back in his living room at age 12. He’d had nightmares about it for weeks, any partner he even dreamt of fucking turning into a clown until he’s startled awake in a cold sweat.
Jensen had never sent Sandy this one because he knows the trauma is scrawled upon his face in it. He never had told Sandy that it even existed, so how the hell Jared had even found it was a big enough shock as is.
On a throwaway comment, he’d told Jared that anybody could find it if they looked in the right place, and Jensen knows it’s pretty much true. It’s not like Jensen thought Jared would go poking for it, though. Jensen doesn’t even know whether to be scared or flattered by Jared’s detective work. Jensen didn’t even have a copy of this one, locked away in a DVD portfolio in his safe deposit box in LA.
The case is unopened, and Jensen knows that Jared’s honest enough not to buy two copies in order to pull the wool over his eyes. He knows Jared could have opened it, watched it like the rest, and then given it to him in order to call him out on not giving it up along with his other assorted porno hits, but he also knows that Jared’s trying to prove he cares more about him than he ever could about Max. It stings, because nobody’s ever done this for Jensen before, but also because Jensen can’t bring himself to believe it’s true.
Jensen’s had enough people tell him that they were in the relationship for him just to get back into his pants over and over again that he doesn’t really know how to accept anybody else not doing it the minute they find out about his past. Past boyfriends were good at hiding it for a few weeks, Jensen knows, but the truth always came clear.
Jensen’s more than aware when he turns into a piece of meat. He can feel it in every part of his body, that gaze that makes him so uncomfortable it’s hard to even breathe, and seeing it in Jared’s eyes is as painful as it ever could be.
Jared’s been looking at him in that way since Sandy started sending him the porn, as agreed, and the message had become clearer over time, like a clear progression down into the rabbit hole of Max Sin. Jensen could see it, how desperately Jared wanted him to be that, be the person Max was in those videos, open and pliant. And even though the thought of that was indulgent, sweet and intense in the back of his head, Jensen didn’t want that to be the basis of a relationship. After weeks of being amused by the predicament he had placed Jared in, Jensen hadn’t realized it until it was too late, and he could see that unbridled desire to claim written clearly across Jared’s face. It didn’t matter how much Jared tried to hide or deny it. It hadn’t been warm or appreciative, then. Jensen wasn’t flattered or amused, and it didn’t feel like this was going to end with a simple fuck. It was then that this became so raw, that Jensen realized that Jared’s gaze had not only been of his own doing, but saw right through all of Jensen, replacing him with Max. And there, Jensen knew he was never going to be able to live with himself if he let this go on any longer.
“Goddamnit, Jared.”
Jensen didn’t ever expect to be this ripped into pieces about Jared. It’s not like he allows himself to think about it until a few weeks later, when Jensen’s making his way back to Los Angeles. His bed feels alien, like it really isn’t his, like he didn’t pick the sheets out, like they’re too cold, and he lies awake at four in the morning, looking at the ceiling.
He remembers everything of the first sexual encounter he had with Jared, of the taste of tequila in his mouth, of Jared’s powerful hand bearing down his cock. The insane pressure, aggressively brushing against each other. The hisses on Jared’s skin, the first time their lips fit together, drunk and lazy and messy but right nonetheless.
Jensen licks his lips hungrily, imagines those hands touching him now, arching into them as his fingers slide into his mouth. His free palm fixes around his erection, pumping slowly until his legs shift open like they’re uncomfortable. Jensen’s head pushes back into the pillows, his mouth falls open as his fingers slide down over the crown of his cock, teasing wetly.
It was like Jared read him openly that night, like Jensen had been transmitting. ‘Touch me here, stroke me like that, put your mouth here, let me come. Please, Jared.’
Jensen knows it should have began and ended with that one night, that Jared should have never seen anything beyond how Jensen looked when he came after having too much to drink. He looks down at himself, at sure hands.
He lays back, his strokes in rhythm with his breathing, and he tries to think about Jared. How he smelled, how he moaned while they fucked, those little facial expressions he’d make when he slid inside of Jensen, and how that mouth had looked so perfect after it had been chewed and sucked and abused in the most pleasurable of ways. Jensen’s strokes become shorter out of need, because the images in his head are all of one thing, and it’s irrefutable that Jared’s taken over this for him like a rude mark of ownership scrawled across Jensen’s dick. He gasps, free hand sliding into his hair and tugging sharply, hips arching into his hand as he strokes harder and faster and longer.
“Jesus,” Jensen whimpers, toes curling as a finger slides inside him hesitantly, finding that sweet spot as his head hangs down and his body arches up, fighting against him.
Jensen comes hard and solid and immobile, he holding his breath and speeding up his strokes and closing his eyes so tight he’s sure he’s tearing up. His orgasm attacks him like a swift kick to the head, or the first gasp of air after someone’s started choking you. Jensen pushes his head down into the pillow, breathing ragged, passing his fingers against a nipple while still trembling. It’s impossibly hot, and Jensen just has to lay there, hand still around his cock even after it falls half-hard against the side of his palm, cowering away after a powerful climax. Warmth itches at the back of his spine, as if to tell him that it’s not quite over yet, and sloshes like beer over the sides of a glass when he moves onto his side.
The hand in his hair slides over to his phone, picking it up and dialing Jared’s number. He doesn’t know what he wants to say, but something inside him wants to plead for forgiveness again, whisper low in Jared’s ear until he coaxes Jared to take his cock out and let Jensen describe what he’d do if he were right there.
For all the insecurity Jensen genuinely has about Max, about his past and the things he’s done, he’s willing to try biting his tongue about it and let Jared really see him, talk to him. The damage is done, though, and Jensen has the feeling that Jared’s the kind of man who wants a person with a spine. It was dumb to try and seduce Jared with promises of Max with the expectation that Jared would see beyond that, and it’s painful that Jensen knows that now. He should have indulged Sandy’s curiosity in confidence and been done with it. What he had with Jared is probably lost without hope of repair, and Jensen’s body flares at the idea of what could have been one final time.
Jensen’s mind floats back to that tape, to the fact that Jared didn’t open it, and what that’s supposed to mean to the both of them. Jared doesn’t do very many things without at least thinking them through, and Jensen knows that his inability to trust Jared made it clear that it was.
Jensen puts down the phone and falls asleep.
Jensen’s got four hours to decide whether or not he’s going to go talk this out with Jared. His plane leaves in a few minutes and he looks out the window to the runway one last time, thinking of how hard it sucks to be going back so early instead of hanging sweet in LA’s scorching summer, but it’s for the best if he expects to be comfortable. His tongue feels thick in his mouth, his stomach feels empty and full at the same time, and there’s only one thing on his mind.
Jensen admits it himself: Max was engineered as an overgrown sex toy, the kind of pretty little thing you chain to your bed to writhe and call your name when you give it to him good enough. It turns Max on to turn you on, it turns Max off when you’re bored and on top. He’s a nymphomaniac, and isn’t nearly as picky as he looks. He loves being held down, bent over, folded up, or put in any position that would make for easy access, and he loves it when he gets to come hard. Doesn’t matter if it’s from a man, a woman, a toy, or a machine. If you’ve got a cock, Max Sin is most likely hungry for it, and that stomach is bottomless in all it’s spectacularly flat glory.
It wasn’t what Jensen needed at the time, and he realizes that as much as the next guy, but it was a side hobby that helped him out when his real acting career was on the skids. Tight thighs and pretty little lips, and a look that could melt steel it was so hot, no matter of what it was doing. Max practically begged ‘use me’ without opening his mouth. He worked for a company that treated him well, like a thoroughbred in a pedigree stable, a valuable asset, and even though the porn world may sound dark and shady, Max Sin’s plight often wasn’t. He had fun, he got fucked, he got paid, see you next Thursday.
Even now, there’s a part of that still inside him, insatiable and hungry. Max Sin was never a whore, but he was always up for a challenge, always up to see what his submission would draw out of someone else. Max could do whatever he so pleased within theme and variations, and Jensen had secretly admired that freedom, but Jensen knows that Max was plastic, disembodied holes and throwaway lines. A character that had words for when they needed, but was cardboard. Pretty cardboard, cardboard Jensen would like to fuck, if he were vain and honest with himself, but cardboard nevertheless.
Jensen falls asleep on the flight once the plane is in the air, and tries not to dream about a threesome between Jared, Max and him. Without surprise, he fails.
“Back in Vancouver, Jen? So early?”
“LA was getting too boring, man. Wanted to come back before we started taping. Get back into the swing of things.”
“You trying to say something? Something maybe like how you’ve come back to self-depreciate yourself in front of me some more?” Jared sounds angry, sounds raging like fire. Jensen sighs an unsteady breath.
“I want to come over and hang out. Chill or something,” Jensen says. “I’m at my hotel, and I can stay here if you’re thinking that there’s no way I came back to do anything but beg for your forgiveness.”
“Look, I’m sorry,” Jared sighs, sounds watery. “I’m still on set, and it’s been a hard day and…”
“It can wait,” Jensen says.
“No, it can’t,” Jared barks back. “You still got the key? Still know where I am?”
Jensen doesn’t know if he can answer the second question, but he sure as hell can answer the first. “I’ve still got my key.”
“Go on, then, I’ll be home soon. Make yourself at home if I don’t answer,” Jared says. Jensen groans for air, and makes his decision. Jared’s voice sounds warm, hearty, beautiful. Jensen snaps his cell phone shut and tries not to think about what’s going to happen when they talk about this again.
Jensen knocks on the door before sliding his key into the lock, and Jared slides it open with a silky, filthy smile. “Hey.”
“Hey, man,” Jensen smiles nervously. “How you doin?”
“I’m so good, right now. Been waiting for a while for this,” Jared purrs. “You?”
“I’m fine,” Jensen nods, as Jared stands aside, letting him walk in. “Jared, are you okay?”
Jared looks like a caricature of himself in front of Jensen, like Jared’s turned hungry and feral, like he’s been tearing himself up while waiting. Or, Jared got into a fight with a personal stylist and lost, Jensen figures. Hair slick and hanging in Jared’s eyes, lips pouting and glossy plump, chest heaving with thick breath. Tight white t-shirt, well-fitted jeans that hang alluringly off Jared’s hips, no shoes and a hard-on packed tight in Jared’s jeans. Jensen doesn’t know what’s happening, but he knows what Jared’s screaming.
“I’m fine,” Jared says, voice lowering, “But I’m not Jared.”
The door closes behind Jensen, and they stand awkwardly in the hallway. Jensen snorts, crossing his arms. “Alright, I’ll bite. If you aren’t Jared, then who are you?”
“Jensen? Your name is Jensen, right?” Jared’s voice is thick, slow and sultry and he bites his lip, looks at Jensen through his eyelashes. Jensen nods dumbly. “Well, Jensen, I’ll give you three guesses, and if you get it wrong, you can sleep in the wet spot and we’ll call it even.”
Jensen laughs dry in his throat. “What, is this your idea of some kind of cruel Joke? You up here trying to seduce m-”
Jared interrupts him, “Max. Max Sin? Maybe you’ve heard of me, maybe you haven’t. Not like it’s gonna matter by the end of the night, Jensen.”
Jensen’s eyes widen, and he realizes he probably looks a lot like an owl. Whatever. “Stop joking.”
“Who said I was joking?” Jared asks, mouth quirking up in a half-smirk. “I’m far from joking, but you’ll know soon enough, I suppose. Jared told me a lot about you, and I bet all of it’s true, right? You gonna put me through my paces tonight? I know you’d like nothing more.”
In the strangest, vainest way possible, Jensen’s absolutely sure that’s true. He laughs a little, and tries not to think too hard about it. Fine, Jensen decides. Two can play at this game. Jensen closes the token space between the two of them, and thanks god he’s wearing his lucky boots.
“I’d like to think that’s the biggest understatement you can make about someone like me, but hey, if you think I simply want to put you through your paces, then that’s absolutely fine with me,” Jensen reasons, and he can already feel Jared turn submissive, body whispering ‘use me anyway you want’ as he stands between Jensen’s legs. Jensen reaches up to pull on Jared’s hair, yanking him down to lay claim on those lips, spicy sweet with lip gloss of all things, and giving way to a tongue that’s lazy and begging and saying the words Jared’s version of Max can’t bring himself to say.
Jared whimpers when Jensen pulls away, pulling his ear down to Jensen’s mouth. “Now, get on your knees and prove to me how much you want my cock.”
Jensen stands back, and when Jared falls to his knees in surrender, he damn near enthusiastically thrusts his face right against the inseam of Jensen’s jeans. He looks up, batting his eyelashes, “Gonna lick your boots, Jensen.”
“Think you’re my slave, boy?” Jensen responds, blood pulsing as Jared’s head bows lower, starts breathing heavier, gets on hands and knees before unrolling a mile long tongue on the toe of Jensen’s left shoe, giving the leather a tongue bathing.
“I’ll be anything you want me to be,” Jared says, dreamily and Jensen’s almost surprised that Jared did anything more than jack off to Max, certainly figuring out the mannerisms and piecing together the voice and pasting an outfit going above and beyond the call of duty. It’s flattering, if imitation being the highest form of flattery is genuinely true like everybody says it is. So it’s time to rise to the challenge of maximizing the amount of things he gets to do while Jared’s having this porn-star experience, no pun intended. Jensen bends down, and pulls Jared up from his boot by the hair.
“I remember telling you to suck my cock, somewhere in there,” he says, and Jared’s eyes sparkle with the surprise of seeing Jensen settle into his role in this, too. He waits until Jensen’s grip eases and then pulls Jensen closer to him, undoing buttons and zippers with his mouth and pulling Jensen’s pants down around his ankles. A single solid breath and Jared’s whole face might as well be down in Jensen’s crotch, the way he’s swallowing that dick whole. There’s technique in there, somewhere, but Jensen’s mostly overpowered by that blatant enthusiasm, like Jared’s genuinely focused on nothing but getting Jensen off as quickly and efficiently as he can.
“Shit, like that,” Jensen orders when he can feel himself scrape along the back of Jared’s throat. His hand pulls at Jared’s hair harder, enough to make Jared groan deliciously before a hand comes up to play with the hair of Jensen’s thighs. When Jensen knows he about to come, both he and Jared pull back, although Jared leaves the head of Jensen’s cock in his mouth, looking up while Jensen spills on his tongue. He closes his mouth and swallows and licks Jensen clean, if that helps anything. He looks pretty cocky, and for the most part, Jensen gets the message.
If Jensen were a genuine masochist, or had that much bad blood for Max, Jensen knows this would get out of control, Jensen knows he’d want to see how far this persona could take Jared, see where his mouth would outrun his body, outrun his sanity. The thought of seeing Jared crumble sounds delicious, but Jensen knows why Jared’s doing this, after all. Well fine, if Jared wants to show how devoted he is to Jensen and not Max on this whackjob sexual tangent they’re kind of barreling off on, then he’ll be made to show it. He leans Jared back, crowding in and around, cock hanging half-limp out of his jeans as he presses gingerly on Jared’s thigh with his boot. One hand slides into Jared's hair, and the other settles around his neck, poised to cut Jared's air off.
“What do you want me to do to you?” Jensen asks. Jared’s shaking under him, and Jensen presses a little harder, knowing what he’s stepping on. “C’mon. Won’t do anything if you don’t say it. Won’t keep my attention much longer, that way.”
“Do whatever you want to me,” Jared breathes, eyes fluttering shut, tongue darting to lick at his lips, and then looking up like a solid dare. “Fuck me wherever and however you want. I swear it’ll be so good for you, I can do whatever you need me to get you off and get you hard again. You could stop any time you wanted. I’m tight and can keep it up for so long and I’ve been practicing so you can put me in any position you might like.”
“This isn’t a personals ad,” Jensen barks. He presses his hand further into Jared's throat, watches and listens to Jared gasp and fight himself.
Jared looks up, even though Jensen’s palm is right between his eyes, holding his head down to the wall. He opens his mouth and makes a quiet noise of submission before Jensen pulls the hand on his throat back. “I want you to fuck me, I want you to tie me up, I want you to fuck me with your fingers and your mouth and I want you to use anything you want on me, I want you to bend me over whenever you feel the urge, I want you to…oh god. I want, Jensen. I want you to do whatever you want to me. You don’t even have to make me come, I just want you inside me.”
“Huh,” Jensen says, stepping back, making his eyes bore into Jared’s skin, watching as Jared keeps his eyes fixated on him. There’s palpable heat between the two of them, even in a position like this, and Jensen can hear Jared’s labored breathing, can see Jared hang his head in wait, hair hanging over his eyes as he looks absolutely tortured and on edge already. Jensen’s impressed, and wonders how Jared got all of this out of watching porn. “Well. I’m sure we can arrange something that will be to my satisfaction.”
“I’ve been known to service well,” Jared says, and when he raises his head again, there’s nothing about this body that says ‘Jared Padalecki’, it’s all ‘Max Sin’.
So Jensen treats him like Max. Picking him up by the collar of his shirt, throwing him into the kitchen. “Are you prepared?”
Jared looks back at him, “Lube and condoms in the cabinet over there.”
“Good,” Jensen nods, and presses back. “Strip for me, down to boxers.”
Jared keeps smoldering eye contact with him, a self-assured smirk on his lips as he flirts with the bottom of his shirt before snatching it into his fingers and raising it over his head, dropping it behind him. There’s no flair, no frills, like Max was trying to jump out of his clothes, rip them apart and abandon them, no swaying hips or long lines. Jared reaches down for his jeans, and undoes the top button before shimming out of them, running a hand over the waistband of his tight boxer-briefs, Calvin Kleins like Jensen used to wear when he was on set and had to do one of these strip teases.
“How do you want me?” Jared asks.
“Bent over that table, for a start, hands beside you,” Jensen comments, walking up and putting the supplies in easy reach and pulling over a chair like he’s about to inspect his prize. “You clean?”
“In more ways than one. Wanted you to get anything you wanted outta me,” Jared sighs.
“I’ve been told I can get very enthusiastic, especially when it comes to boys like you, Max,” Jensen comments, running the back of his hand up over Jared’s thigh, fingers turning to brush against the waist of Jared’s underwear. He can feel Jared gasp, like they’ve passed the last checkpoint to turn back. “You sure you can handle it?”
“I’ll tell you if and when I can’t,” Jared says, matter-of-factly. Jensen pulls the underwear away and lets it fall around Jared’s ankles. A careful hand goes to press down at the small of Jared’s back, arching that ass up to see a glass plug holding Jared open pretty wide. Jensen passes a finger over it, and nudges it in a little farther to see Jared arch into the touch.
“I’m sure you’re going to handle anything I’ll throw, then. Guess I can just slide right in.” Jensen comments, undressing and stepping back into his boots. “I bet you’re eager and all sex starved, the way you're ready for me. What, Jared not give it up for you, either?”
Jensen reaches out, caressing the skin of one cheek before pressing his lips together and letting the palm fall down hard over Jared’s ass. Jared arches, gasps, and silently asks for more.
“Jensen,” Jared says.
“Whatever I want, right?” Jensen asks, spanking Jared again.
“Oh, god,” Jared groans, “Fuck me.”
“In a minute,” Jensen snaps, slapping Jared’s ass again. “Bet you like this, bet I could have you counting off for me, eating out the palm of my hand. Maybe later.”
“Fuck me already, just…oh god,” Jared pleads, as Jensen sheaths himself in a condom. Jensen grabs the handle and turns it inside Jared before pulling it out fluidly. Jared’s entrance pulls open around the widest part of the plug, and gapes open a little after it’s all the way out. Jensen stands up and slides right in, stroking hard and complete and right. Jared seizes up around him, cries out, and Jensen stretches his hands out to pull up handfuls of Jared’s long hair, arching his head back and Jensen can see Jared grabbing the ends of the table. It’s the hottest thing Jensen’s seen in a long time, even from this angle.
“Oh shit, you’re so big,” Jared moans, wet and dirty as he spreads his legs apart to give Jensen more leverage. He arches up, helps Jensen fuck him. “Fuck me like that.”
Jensen does as he’s asked, pressing in with a ferocious thrust of hips, carefully avoiding what Jared wants him to hit. Jared can’t seem to stop making pretty little noises, a half bitten ‘please’ sprinkled here and there and a landscape of one-syllable words groaned like all of Jared’s breath has escaped. Jensen keeps going, pushing hard and steady, toes curling on the cool tile of the floor. Jensen bends over and clings to Jared’s body, kissing at a shoulder softly before turning Jared’s head to eat at his mouth, at chapped lips and warm tongue. Jared’s whimpering, now, and convulsing until Jensen’s ready to come, and even his technique here is enough to drain Jensen dry of his second orgasm, biting down on the skin of Jared’s collarbone and pulling hard enough to tear into flesh.
“C’mon,” Jared begs. “You know you want to see me come.”
“You’re right, I do. Some time later, I suppose.” Jensen shrugs, lowers his voice a bit, as menacing and dominant as Jensen can manage. “If you play your cards right, you might just feel it tomorrow, too.”
Jared leans up on his hands, locking his shoulders as he stands, “of course, sir.”
Jensen snorts. “Tease. Now c’mon.”
Jared discards his shorts, as Jensen brings the plug and the lube along with him to the sofa in the other room. Jensen turns on the tv, bitterly surprised at the fact that there’s no porn in the VCR or DVD player, and puts it on the news. He looks over to Jared, who’s still playing that cutesy little slut routine like he’ll get an Emmy nod for it.
“Lie back,” Jensen orders, and Jared shrugs, doing as told.
“What’re you gonna do, huh?” Jared asks, breathless and cocky. “Gonna fuck me again?”
“Something like that,” Jensen comments, lubing his own fingers before sitting back and pushing them in. he manages three, finding Jared’s prostate with ease. “Gonna keep you on edge until they start flashing around that ‘entertainment news’ bullshit.”
“Oh god,” Jared sighs, pushing his head all the way back as Jensen presses around his prostate, letting the ridges and peaks glide in his hands warmly. Jensen wonders about what genuinely will have to happen. “Jensen…”
“Shh,” he responds, nodding to the TV, where there’s another story about local infrastructure and the digital age or something like that. Jared squirms, and Jensen just ignores him, pressing his fingers into Jared’s prostate again, this time sweeping in tight circles. Jared makes a maddeningly tortured sound, and tries to stay still.
“I’m gonna…” Jared starts, and Jensen’s fingers stop where they are. Jared whimpers, trying to arch and clench and get those fingers to do what he wants to, but Jensen just looks down at him.
“Can you keep it down? I want to see what happened to Lindsay Lohan,” Jensen claims, and Jared whimpers, breathing like he’s trying to control himself until he relaxes back into the sofa.
“Jesus, don’t stop, oh god,” Jared forces, and Jensen looks down at him seeing him bite his lower lip and try to hold himself still. He’s spread thin on his side of the sofa, both hands behind his head grabbing at the arm, and one leg sprawled over the back of the sofa while the other lies flat on the floor. The lip flicks out, more red and plump than it had been before, and Jared’s little sideways shimmy is too much, too hot to handle, and finally when Jared makes it to the entertainment news Jensen knows neither of them are actually listening to, he jabs his knuckles against Jared’s prostate again, a crooked little twist directly in the center where Jensen knows from experience that the most fierce sensations reside. Jared makes this strangled noise, raises up into Jensen’s hands, and comes, sobbing and pressing his head further back into the couch.
“You know, that idiot girl has been in rehab one too many times for being so young, don’t you think, Max? She’s only a little younger than you are, isn’t she?” Jensen says, nonchalant. Another jab to Jared’s prostate sends him on a high flying aftershock, screaming Jensen’s name, and for a second, Jensen almost thinks he would want to keep this going for as long as Jared would let him.
“I want you to get in me,” Jared groans, sliding his hands down his sides, chest heaving as his toes curl. “Jensen, please.”
Jensen takes his free hand and drags it leisurely through the pool of sweat and come on Jared’s lower chest. Jensen’s hand slides up to Jared’s mouth, pressing insistent fingers in. Jared sucks Jensen’s fingers in, hungry for it, sliding his tongue over Jensen like he’s been starving. Jared presses up, moaning as he presses his legs further apart, trying to look like he’s already prepared to go for another round of anything Jensen will throw at him.
“I want you to kiss me,” Jared huffs. “Jensen.”
“I want you in bed, Max,” Jensen shrugs. “But, we all can’t get what we want, you know.”
Jared reaches up for him and yanks a hand into his hair, getting Jensen down onto his lips, his open mouth. It’s wet and sloppy and punctuated by uninhibited submission, the kind where the other person doesn’t want do anything that won’t make you happy, so they refuse to try. Jensen pulls away.
“Go get on the bed, I’ll come in there in a few minutes,” he says, getting up and going back into the kitchen. He washes the plug and his hands free of lube before it dries and gets sticky, and bends his head to take a drink of water. The TV’s still on in the other room, even though Jared’s already gone, and Jensen returns back to the living room to switch it off before he goes into the bedroom, expansive and peaceful. In the bed, Jared’s already turned down the sheets and is laying on his back. He’s holding onto the bedpost, taking up his side of the bed while fluttering his eyelashes as if he’s paying attention to every move he could make, selling himself to Jensen, convincing that he’s fit enough to see this through.
“I want you, Jensen,” Jared says, in a voice so unlike his own that it makes Jensen shiver, like he’s watching a real-time performance of some legend, be it Chi-Chi Larue or Paul Newman. Jared might not be either, but there’s something so Max about his stare, about his demeanor and how he’s on his back in the bed, naked and inviting and downright sultry. Some part of Jensen wants the real Jared back before his whole world tilts sideways at this rate. “Kick off those boots, sit down next to me.”
There’s something intoxicating about the melody of the words that makes Jensen do as he’s told, toeing his boots off and getting up on the bed, climbing Jared like a tree, planting lips all over and trying to imagine if this is what Max genuinely would have wanted from him, total and complete power reversal: a top at his bottom’s whim. Jensen takes Jared’s face into his hands, and brings his lips down to brush over Jared’s in a tease of a kiss. It’s intense, how hot and fragile it becomes, just breathing on Jared’s lips, looking down at him. Jared whimpers and rolls them over, landing Jensen on his back.
“Gonna ride you,” Jared warns, stroking Jensen gently while unpacking a condom with his free hand and teeth, putting the rolled up latex in his mouth and bringing his lips down to unwrap it over Jensen’s cock. Jensen sighs, and Jared pulls away, sultry eyes looking at Jensen while Jared’s hands are spreading lube on him. In a smooth move that looks like it’s ripped straight from one of those movies, Jared raises himself, arching his body to position himself and then poises himself over Jensen’s dick, a hand gathering up his own dick and balls to give Jensen a front-seat view of the invasion.
It’s visceral, watching the head of his dick disappear into Jared, all the way down until their bodies are flush together. Jared makes a noise of satisfaction and rocks in little circles on his dick. Jensen watches, gasping along and trying to think of everything he can to make sure that he doesn’t come yet, seeing Jared transform from porn-star wannabe into to a bonafied sex-pot porn star, head rolling back and arms reaching backwards for Jensen’s legs as he raises himself up and down, a little more every time. Suddenly, it’s like Jensen’s watching an overgrown sex toy do all the work for him, soft torso, long cock and strong thighs, shaking and quivering as they raise and bounce up and down, hitting every angle possible. It’s like Jared’s read the Max Sin playbook enough times to know theme and variation, and within that, understand how to keep the character going when Jensen doesn’t even think he could.
Jared squeals, head snapping back even further as he leans over a little, hips still working like clockwork, to lean over. Jensen leans up on his hands and then pushes up his legs, folding Jared back into him until they’re both sitting up, thrusting into each other, and finally, Jensen takes Jared’s head and rolls it back to normal, where his eyes are hazy-drunk with lust and his mouth is slack, a picture of maddening euphoria that makes Jensen want to keep going and going. Jared makes small noises, and hot eye contact that makes the sweet feeling of his ass tight around Jensen impossible to withstand for very much longer.
“Yeah,” Jared whispers, still trying to look like he’s every man’s anonymous dream. Jensen doesn’t quite have the heart to tell him that it’s hard to see him as Max although it’s easy to appreciate the sentiment and stop thinking about the message. Jensen knows now that if he wanted to, he could ask Jared to play a doormat for a dinner party and Jared would willingly get trampled. It’s hard to believe that Jared didn’t show any feelings for Max, but there’s something in this performance that resonates loud and clear and now there’s only a few things left to go, and one of them is to make Jared really come like a porn star. “Fuck me, Jensen. Oh god, do it hard. Like that, hard like that, make me come c’mon.”
Jensen turns Jared over, lays him back down on the bed and spreads his legs wider, draping them up and over his shoulders. “You ready?”
Jared’s mouth twists into a smirk that’s all Max Sin. Jensen’s hips snap into overdrive, hitting that spot over and over again, until Jared’s harried and panting hard, hands surrendered into his hair. Jared’s hands fall for Jensen’s thighs, pulling closer and farther in to Jensen for leverage and meets every rise of Jensen’s hips with his own. His toes curl into each other, and Jared’s body convulses in a way Jensen’s never seen before. Jared looks up at him, all innocent and afraid and when Jensen puts a hand on Jared’s dick, he cries out hard, screaming Jensen’s name as he comes, whole body thrumming and arching as Jensen fucks him through it, every angle still intended to keep it going until Jensen’s out of breath, or Jared’s out of come. Jensen’s hand wanders away from Jared’s dick, and gathers up one of the hands on his thigh, squeezing it tight in a moment of intimacy that breaks through Jared’s act. Jared uses one leg to wrangle Jensen in and down to him and closer while the other leg pushes Jensen’s hips in deeper and keeps them there, forcefully.
When Jensen gets the hint and comes down to Jared’s face, Jared’s mouth runs sloppy across his cheek and ends at his ear, back to his normal voice and demeanor, dark and smooth with a little bit of slow Texan, saying, “C’mon, Jens. Come inside me. Stop torturing yourself and let go.”
Jensen uses his free hand to steady Jared’s head, and lands on Jared’s open lips in a sloppy kiss as he does lets go, still moving inside but slowly letting that climax rush from the steady ringing in his ears and the pool of heat at the small of his back all the way into his cock. He cries into Jared’s mouth, thrusts erratic and then not there at all. His vision whites out and when he rolls out of his orgasm, Jared’s impossibly tight around him like it will start some kind of multiple orgasm, but Jensen knows it won’t. They’ll work on that, if Jensen ever gets to have this again.
Jensen slides out, and Jared looks at him, back hauntingly in Max’s persona. “I’m gonna go take a shower. Wanna join me?”
“You’re killing my stamina, kid,” Jensen yawns.
“Old man,” Jared snickers. “Jared said you’d be good.”
“Hope he didn’t lie to you,” Jensen shrugs.
“You sure you don’t want to join me for that shower?” Jared asks. Jensen takes off the condom and ties it off.
“Mmm, nah,” Jensen says, watching Jared gingerly get off the bed, walking a little bow-legged to the bathroom. “Call me if you want some more.”
“Jensen,” Jared says, “I’m always gonna want more and you know it. Gonna want you until I go blind from it.”
Jensen smiles, not even knowing who he’s talking to anymore as rolls over and dozes off. In the background, he can hear the water turn on in the shower, and hear Jared splashing around, but sleep pulls him in before he can answer that siren’s call of a long filthy moan again.
In the morning, Jensen wakes up to a cold empty bed. He’s naked, and after a piss, takes one of Jared’s sweaters from the nearby chair to venture outside. Jared’s sitting on the couch, reading a book and drinking coffee.
“Hi,” Jensen says, getting Jared’s attention.
“Hey, Jens,” Jared says, smooth and easy and a little like last night never happened. Jensen places a hand behind his back, nails biting as they fold into his palm. “There’s coffee.”
“Mmm.” Jensen says, as he walks off into the kitchen, grabbing the pot and fixing some for himself.
“Sorry about coming home so late last night, by the way,” Jared declares over the dead and empty space of two rooms in his apartment. “Didn’t expect to stay that late or…”
“Give it up, Jared,” Jensen says, voice dragging with exasperation. “It’s not cute. We fucked. A lot. Really nice and hard and you thought you were Max for a second, there. You fooled me a few times, had the word ‘slut’ scribbled right across your forehead. Would have said or done anything while I was fucking you.”
“And you don’t get the point, because I liked it. I liked being that for you, liked doing that for you, liked healing that wound for you,” Jared whispers, crowding in around Jensen and pressing up against his back. “If the only way you’ll accept the fact that I love you is if I have to act like the man you were a few years back when you did gay porn, then I’ll do it. I’ll do it every time you ask, every time you want.”
“I want you, Jared,” Jensen whispers, “It’s just that…nobody’s ever done this kind of thing for me before. All of the people who knew about Max thought I was docile and submissive and empty like him. Even Sandy told me that it might not work because you were a bottom, too. I’m not. I don’t care what I am but I know it’s not what everybody believes, it’s not him. It’s really a lot for me to believe that you don’t, too…”
“I…”
Jensen turns around, and Jared stands back to give him room. “Let me finish. Nobody’s ever picked Max up and put him on for me before, it’s always been the other way around, and while you pull that off fabulously, I want you, Jared. Not Max, however good your impression of him might be. I’m sorry I got into this with you, but I’m not sorry about last night, or any other time I’ve ever gotten to touch you, because of it. Last night you looked up, and even through the whole Max Sin song and dance, you saw me.”
Jared nods. “I want to start over.”
“Start over? Haven’t we tortured each other enough?” Jensen asks, and Jared wraps his hands around Jensen’s waist, the cup of coffee between them.
“I want to take you out on a few dates, Jen. Y’know, have awkward dinner conversation, kiss you chastely for a few weeks, and string you along until I think it’s proper to ‘make love’ and then that’ll be it. It’ll be a real relationship,” Jared says.
“Did Sandy tell you to tell me that? Because she definitely told me to tell you that. We’re in a relationship, Jared. Sure it’s warped, but I wouldn’t give it up for awkward dinner conversation and proper courtship. Who do you think I am? The Duke of York? Where’s my dowry, huh?”
“Cheeseball,” Jared smirks.
“Hey, you watched this cheeseball’s whole back catalogue of sex tapes, geekboy. Get over it,” Jensen says.
“You act like it was such a chore,” Jared smiles, theatrically throwing a hand over his eyes, “oh no, they’ve sent me more porn to watch, whatever shall I do?”
“Shut up and kiss me is what you’re gonna do,” Jensen says, his eyes floating down to Jared’s lips.
“Well, yes sir,” Jared grins, leaning down and when Jensen arches up to meet Jared’s lips to his, they’re soft and taste like coffee and inside his mouth tastes sharp and sweet like black with two sugars, Jensen knows that he’s got what he’s wanted all along. The extra caffeine might just be a signing bonus.
Besides, out of all the feelings Jensen’s had in his life, standing in Jared’s arms, making out against a kitchen countertop and finally knowing that Jared wants him, and is willing to fight to have him as fiercely as he wants and fights for Jared might be the best feeling in the world.
Jensen closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and says what he’s been meaning to say for the last few months.
“Jared?”
“Hmm?” Jared replies, stealing another kiss from timid lips. “What’s up?”
“I love you,” Jensen says, looking up at those lips because it’s hard to look into Jared’s eyes without wanting to cry and drag him off to bed at the same time. The words come out harsh, and Jensen doesn’t know because he’s never said them with this much meaning before, or if it’s different because it’s here, in Jared’s apartment kitchen, and the tile’s reverb bounces the words back at him, like proof that there’s no turning back.
Jared smiles, pulling Jensen’s head up a little to look back at him.
“I love you too, Jens.”
Author's Notes: This is the most intense thing I've done in a few years, due to both scheduling and my determination to leave as many original scenes I had intended in the story. Originally, the prompt was from Spn_wank_off: Jensen did porn at some point early in his career and now Jared can't (won't) stop watching it. Needless to say, I couldn't stop writing it, and it grew into this epic monster without really needing to be. Still, I want to thank the mods of that, Both wendy and kashmir1 for giving me the oppritunity to get a prompt that really just slipped through my fingers. Sure, It's overdue as a motherfucker, and would not ever been finished if it weren't for the likes of ninjetti75, Glendaglamazon, raynedanser and Ze_pink_lady. Thank you all, this is a labor of my love for you as much as it is my labor of love for the characters. Be it your beta work or your input or how you were the wall I could beat my head on until something broke through, I'm happy you all were along for the ride, and hope you love it as much as I love you. Finally, and this is a big one, thank you guys for actually, you know, making it this far. There's a box of fresh panties at the door, if you need a new pair. ;)