Silhouette: Chapter 01
It was already 10.56pm on Takaki’s wristwatch, but he wasn’t leaving the dressing room just yet. He sat in perfect, still silence as he watched Yabu punch the keypad of his phone furiously. In all honesty, Takaki felt uncomfortable each time he drew a breath. He didn’t want Yabu to know he was there, though. He was just fine, observing Yabu from a distance, watching him, making sure he was okay.
He couldn’t exactly see Yabu, just his back, but he was familiar enough with Yabu’s shoulder movements to know that he was bending over his phone, elbows on his buckled knees, his dark brows furrowed as he pored over whatever that was displayed on the screen on his white phone.
It must be about Hikaru, Takaki thought inwardly.
“What?” Yabu turned around.
Shit, did he just say that out loud?
“I thought everyone’s left already,” Yabu said, raising an eyebrow.
Takaki shrugged. “I haven’t.”
“I guess,” Yabu mused. He paused for a while, and Takaki watched as a flicker of hesitance flashed in his sloping eyes. “You... you don’t happen to know where Hikaru might be, do you?”
Takaki shook his head. “I’m pretty sure he’s left with Inoo already.”
“He has, hasn’t he?” said Yabu. Takaki kept quiet - in his mind, he was cursing himself. Couldn’t he have just said smarter, like “Oh, I don’t know really, maybe he went home alone to play his guitar alone”? He hated to see the disappointment and hurt in Yabu’s eyes. He hated it so much.
“Then I guess... I don’t know. I think I’ll go home now,” Yabu stood up and swung his carrier bag over his shoulders as he walked towards the door behind Takaki. “It’s getting late. You should be heading home too,” were Yabu’s words, patting Takaki’s shoulders as he walked out.
Takaki sat there for a few seconds, feeling the tightness in his jaws, the chill in his spine and the hurried thumping of his heart as the point on his shoulder of where Yabu last touched tingled. He felt his heart ache for a moment... and let the pain send shudders through his whole body before he, too, left the room.
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"Today was tiring, wasn't it? " Hikaru said, while looking out of the window of the cafe they were in. Inoo sat opposite him, and nodded silently, taking a sip out of his hot tea.
"I'm a little worried about Yabu. He seemed a little distracted throughout practice. I..." Inoo stopped abruptly as Hikaru held both of his hands.
"You worry too much about others, Inoochan. Look at yourself. You've been skipping meals again haven't you?"
Inoo blushed. "You know how busy we are now Hikaru. After practice I barely have time to do my homework, and I still need to study, and then I'll have to play with Jam and An because I don't want them to feel neglected..."
Hikaru squeezed Inoo's hands. "Inoochan. You have to take care of yourself. I know you're taking your important examinations this year, but you can't continue this for the entire year you know. You'll fall sick sooner or later."
Inoo mumbled something, turned bright red, and then awkwardly pretended to look out of the window.
The cafe was rather noisy and crowded, even at 10.56pm, but Hikaru heard what Inoo said.
It was so soft, yet the words were so clear.
"But I know you'll be there to take care of me when I'm sick."
Hikaru leaned forward, brushed away Inoo's fringe and lightly kissed him on the forehead.
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It was another dreary, monotonous day of rehearsals and going-through of scripted replies for upcoming interviews for the whole of JUMP. They were having their break, during which the members went ahead to pursue their own passions - Yamada and Yuto were at a corner pretending that they were great drummers, sharing earphones as they thumped and banged to the beat of Mezamero! Yasei using their wooden chopsticks. Ryutaro had brought his hamster along and was apparently playing an unexciting game of hide and seek with it (“Ham, ham, you can’t catch me~!”). Daiki and Chi-chan were wound up in an animated competition with their handheld game consoles and Keito was busy cheering them on as he watched them play. Inoo and Hikaru were at another corner, feeding each other bits of food from their bento, a sight that was slightly too intimate for Takaki to stomach.
Takaki looked around, straining his neck to search for Yabu. Then he saw that familiar tuft of black, messy hair on the far side of the room, away from the rest of JUMP. Takaki nodded to himself and took two lunchboxes with him as he approached Yabu.
“Hey there,” Takaki said. He planted one lunchbox in front of Yabu. “Thought you might be hungry and too shy to get a box on your own.”
Yabu chuckled. “Thanks, Takaki.”
Smiling and privately relieved that Yabu seemed to have lightened a little by his small attempt at a joke, Takaki sat down beside Yabu. He wasn’t making any move to eat, though, but Takaki wasn’t going to rush him. Perhaps Yabu needed to talk... and Takaki was there to listen.
“You’re troubled,” Takaki began.
Yabu looked at him right into the pupils of his eyes, so intently that Takaki wanted so badly to break away from his gaze. But right there and then, Takaki could feel, no, he could see, so clearly, the unhappiness in Yabu’s sad eyes.
“I don’t know where to begin, Takaki.”
Yabu looked away. “I don’t know what to do.”
Takaki thought for a while. He wasn’t sure what to say - nobody else in JUMP was bright enough to realize that Yabu liked Hikaru except for himself. It wasn’t right if he pretended that he didn’t know what Yabu was talking about, because he really wasn’t that daft, and he was sure Yabu understood that.
“But Hikaru,” Yabu continued, breaking Takaki’s train of thoughts. “Hikaru seems really happy with Inoo, I feel almost criminal thinking that I even stand a chance against Inoo. They seem so perfect for each other, you know? Their smiles are brightest when they’re with each other, their laughter the loudest when they’re next to each other. Takaki, why is it that my heart feels like it’s been wrenched ten times over?”
Takaki remained silent.
I wish you could tell me why mine feels exactly the same way too, Yabu.
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"How about this? I made this myself." Hikaru opened his mouth and allowed Inoo to feed him a piece of... he didn't know what. Actually Hikaru did not really notice what Inoo was feeding him, he was too busy looking at Inoo's flawless face. His sharp jawlines, the fairness of his cheeks, shining black eyes, perfectly shaped nose...
"Hikaru? Are you listening?" Hikaru blinked a few times. Inoo was holding an egg roll in between his chopsticks, and had a rather confused look on his face.
"Is it unappetizing?"
Hikaru quickly shook his head. "It's nice, really. I was just day-dreaming. Don't worry."
Inoo's expression relaxed and he flashed a bright smile. "I knew that strawberry jam and eggplants go well together. Yama-chan was right..."
Hikaru felt a little nauseous after that.
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Yabu bent over the sink, feeling the heavy droplets of water trickle down his face as he breathed. He washed his face again, and dried it with a towel from a stack in the nearby cabinet. He didn’t really mean to speak about his feelings to anybody - it wasn’t his style to go talking about his emotions, much less to people like Takaki, who seemed to have nothing but useless, silly comments to make about other people, and going around telling that he’s got “the same mental age as Yuto”.
But there was something in Takaki’s eyes that brought him to start talking about his problems. There was this certain essence in the depths of his eyes back at the rehearsal room when Takaki sat down beside him with two lunchboxes in his hands, something that he couldn’t quite put his finger on. It seemed like... it felt like... was it concern?
Concern. When was the last time Yabu felt something so strong a feeling like this? Yabu’s heart plummeted again. Being the oldest in JUMP, it was important that he divided his concern to all the members equally and fairly. It was important that he could be a figure that the junior members could look up to, a figure that his peers could rely on. He had to be strong for other people, but when it came to himself, he had nobody to turn to, and it was difficult.
“Stop it,” Yabu said aloud to himself. He looked at himself in the mirror again, cringing at the reflection of eye bags and lines of fatigue around his eyes. He ran his fingers through his hair, almost a notch too frustratingly, before he left the toilet.
Yabu walked down the hall and was about to turn at a bend when he heard muffled noises. He slowed down his pace and strained his ears.
“There isn’t anybody around now...”
“You’re making me really nervous, stop breathing into my neck...”
“... we only have a few minutes left before we report, stop struggling...”
The words drowned in a stifled mix of groans. Yabu stopped in his tracks.
And he felt the hollowness in his throat pull down the air in his mouth, that empty, dry feeling he got whenever a sharp stab of pain pierced through his heart. He almost turned to look, but before he could move a muscle, a hand from behind had covered his eyes, and another held his limp, left hand. Yabu felt his head swim.
“That’s enough.”
The hand pulled Yabu along, and led him to break into a small run, away from the scene. Yabu opened his eyes.
“Takaki...”
He couldn’t exactly see Yabu, just his back, but he was familiar enough with Yabu’s shoulder movements to know that he was bending over his phone, elbows on his buckled knees, his dark brows furrowed as he pored over whatever that was displayed on the screen on his white phone.
It must be about Hikaru, Takaki thought inwardly.
“What?” Yabu turned around.
Shit, did he just say that out loud?
“I thought everyone’s left already,” Yabu said, raising an eyebrow.
Takaki shrugged. “I haven’t.”
“I guess,” Yabu mused. He paused for a while, and Takaki watched as a flicker of hesitance flashed in his sloping eyes. “You... you don’t happen to know where Hikaru might be, do you?”
Takaki shook his head. “I’m pretty sure he’s left with Inoo already.”
“He has, hasn’t he?” said Yabu. Takaki kept quiet - in his mind, he was cursing himself. Couldn’t he have just said smarter, like “Oh, I don’t know really, maybe he went home alone to play his guitar alone”? He hated to see the disappointment and hurt in Yabu’s eyes. He hated it so much.
“Then I guess... I don’t know. I think I’ll go home now,” Yabu stood up and swung his carrier bag over his shoulders as he walked towards the door behind Takaki. “It’s getting late. You should be heading home too,” were Yabu’s words, patting Takaki’s shoulders as he walked out.
Takaki sat there for a few seconds, feeling the tightness in his jaws, the chill in his spine and the hurried thumping of his heart as the point on his shoulder of where Yabu last touched tingled. He felt his heart ache for a moment... and let the pain send shudders through his whole body before he, too, left the room.
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"Today was tiring, wasn't it? " Hikaru said, while looking out of the window of the cafe they were in. Inoo sat opposite him, and nodded silently, taking a sip out of his hot tea.
"I'm a little worried about Yabu. He seemed a little distracted throughout practice. I..." Inoo stopped abruptly as Hikaru held both of his hands.
"You worry too much about others, Inoochan. Look at yourself. You've been skipping meals again haven't you?"
Inoo blushed. "You know how busy we are now Hikaru. After practice I barely have time to do my homework, and I still need to study, and then I'll have to play with Jam and An because I don't want them to feel neglected..."
Hikaru squeezed Inoo's hands. "Inoochan. You have to take care of yourself. I know you're taking your important examinations this year, but you can't continue this for the entire year you know. You'll fall sick sooner or later."
Inoo mumbled something, turned bright red, and then awkwardly pretended to look out of the window.
The cafe was rather noisy and crowded, even at 10.56pm, but Hikaru heard what Inoo said.
It was so soft, yet the words were so clear.
"But I know you'll be there to take care of me when I'm sick."
Hikaru leaned forward, brushed away Inoo's fringe and lightly kissed him on the forehead.
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It was another dreary, monotonous day of rehearsals and going-through of scripted replies for upcoming interviews for the whole of JUMP. They were having their break, during which the members went ahead to pursue their own passions - Yamada and Yuto were at a corner pretending that they were great drummers, sharing earphones as they thumped and banged to the beat of Mezamero! Yasei using their wooden chopsticks. Ryutaro had brought his hamster along and was apparently playing an unexciting game of hide and seek with it (“Ham, ham, you can’t catch me~!”). Daiki and Chi-chan were wound up in an animated competition with their handheld game consoles and Keito was busy cheering them on as he watched them play. Inoo and Hikaru were at another corner, feeding each other bits of food from their bento, a sight that was slightly too intimate for Takaki to stomach.
Takaki looked around, straining his neck to search for Yabu. Then he saw that familiar tuft of black, messy hair on the far side of the room, away from the rest of JUMP. Takaki nodded to himself and took two lunchboxes with him as he approached Yabu.
“Hey there,” Takaki said. He planted one lunchbox in front of Yabu. “Thought you might be hungry and too shy to get a box on your own.”
Yabu chuckled. “Thanks, Takaki.”
Smiling and privately relieved that Yabu seemed to have lightened a little by his small attempt at a joke, Takaki sat down beside Yabu. He wasn’t making any move to eat, though, but Takaki wasn’t going to rush him. Perhaps Yabu needed to talk... and Takaki was there to listen.
“You’re troubled,” Takaki began.
Yabu looked at him right into the pupils of his eyes, so intently that Takaki wanted so badly to break away from his gaze. But right there and then, Takaki could feel, no, he could see, so clearly, the unhappiness in Yabu’s sad eyes.
“I don’t know where to begin, Takaki.”
Yabu looked away. “I don’t know what to do.”
Takaki thought for a while. He wasn’t sure what to say - nobody else in JUMP was bright enough to realize that Yabu liked Hikaru except for himself. It wasn’t right if he pretended that he didn’t know what Yabu was talking about, because he really wasn’t that daft, and he was sure Yabu understood that.
“But Hikaru,” Yabu continued, breaking Takaki’s train of thoughts. “Hikaru seems really happy with Inoo, I feel almost criminal thinking that I even stand a chance against Inoo. They seem so perfect for each other, you know? Their smiles are brightest when they’re with each other, their laughter the loudest when they’re next to each other. Takaki, why is it that my heart feels like it’s been wrenched ten times over?”
Takaki remained silent.
I wish you could tell me why mine feels exactly the same way too, Yabu.
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"How about this? I made this myself." Hikaru opened his mouth and allowed Inoo to feed him a piece of... he didn't know what. Actually Hikaru did not really notice what Inoo was feeding him, he was too busy looking at Inoo's flawless face. His sharp jawlines, the fairness of his cheeks, shining black eyes, perfectly shaped nose...
"Hikaru? Are you listening?" Hikaru blinked a few times. Inoo was holding an egg roll in between his chopsticks, and had a rather confused look on his face.
"Is it unappetizing?"
Hikaru quickly shook his head. "It's nice, really. I was just day-dreaming. Don't worry."
Inoo's expression relaxed and he flashed a bright smile. "I knew that strawberry jam and eggplants go well together. Yama-chan was right..."
Hikaru felt a little nauseous after that.
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Yabu bent over the sink, feeling the heavy droplets of water trickle down his face as he breathed. He washed his face again, and dried it with a towel from a stack in the nearby cabinet. He didn’t really mean to speak about his feelings to anybody - it wasn’t his style to go talking about his emotions, much less to people like Takaki, who seemed to have nothing but useless, silly comments to make about other people, and going around telling that he’s got “the same mental age as Yuto”.
But there was something in Takaki’s eyes that brought him to start talking about his problems. There was this certain essence in the depths of his eyes back at the rehearsal room when Takaki sat down beside him with two lunchboxes in his hands, something that he couldn’t quite put his finger on. It seemed like... it felt like... was it concern?
Concern. When was the last time Yabu felt something so strong a feeling like this? Yabu’s heart plummeted again. Being the oldest in JUMP, it was important that he divided his concern to all the members equally and fairly. It was important that he could be a figure that the junior members could look up to, a figure that his peers could rely on. He had to be strong for other people, but when it came to himself, he had nobody to turn to, and it was difficult.
“Stop it,” Yabu said aloud to himself. He looked at himself in the mirror again, cringing at the reflection of eye bags and lines of fatigue around his eyes. He ran his fingers through his hair, almost a notch too frustratingly, before he left the toilet.
Yabu walked down the hall and was about to turn at a bend when he heard muffled noises. He slowed down his pace and strained his ears.
“There isn’t anybody around now...”
“You’re making me really nervous, stop breathing into my neck...”
“... we only have a few minutes left before we report, stop struggling...”
The words drowned in a stifled mix of groans. Yabu stopped in his tracks.
And he felt the hollowness in his throat pull down the air in his mouth, that empty, dry feeling he got whenever a sharp stab of pain pierced through his heart. He almost turned to look, but before he could move a muscle, a hand from behind had covered his eyes, and another held his limp, left hand. Yabu felt his head swim.
“That’s enough.”
The hand pulled Yabu along, and led him to break into a small run, away from the scene. Yabu opened his eyes.
“Takaki...”