Tell-Tale Hearts. Swan Queen/OUaT fanfiction. ch. 6-7
Chapters 6-7.
Chapter 6.
Storybrooke: The Realm of the Queen.
Regina dreams that she is back to being a Queen, except it is before she cursed the whole world, after she met Emma, and in between all of the subsequent interwoven realities. This dream makes little sense. Graham is sputtering nonsense about kissing Emma Swan awake from some stupid sleeping spell…
"Only her beloved can awaken her with a kiss" Graham begins, only to be interrupted by Regina, who now fully the Queen, strides past him and yanks on a pile of weeds at the base of a pine tree. "…Gina…" Graham begins, his tone pleading. Because quite suddenly, Emma is not just asleep, but she is also bleeding. The sun turns red with it. The Queen spares only a glance to see all of the changes, including the blood that floods the forest beneath her feet.
"Shut up." The Queen bites hard on the leaves in her hand and presses them to the gash on the side of the fallen White Knight's neck. The gash closes quickly but still bleeds. "Well!" The Queen hisses. "Kiss her you fool!"
He tries. Graham's lips press and he musters all that he can of his grief, his love, his passion…
Still, Emma sleeps.
A great wind swept around them then. The Queen shielded her eyes from it and stood on her feet. Regret had already clouded her powers and now she was helpless as the forest floor was torn up all around them.
A green glow floated toward the Swan and settled at the crown of her head.
Images flash through the Queen's mind. The Swan: smiling; walking beside Henry; walking beside the Queen herself; laughing…and then…
Lying down. While the Queen kissed her. Only this image was one from another world. A world where the Queen lived with the boy at the clearing, and with this woman, this woman who in the Queen's memories had made them both so very happy…
The Queen presses her lips to the Knight's. The Queen's mouth warms her Knight. Her Knight. The Queen smiles as the Knight stirs. Something in the Queen's chest breaks and rearranges itself and mends itself and she cries and kisses the Knight harder.
And then the Knight-Emma-is kissing her back.
The world goes dark and the sun is blocked. In the distance, the sounds of wolves can be heard and Regina is sure that Graham is truly one of them now…
Regina wakes up, no longer in her bed in Storybrooke, but firmly in the future. She knows this because David is there with Mary and they are holding hands. She glances out the window of…the hospital, it looks like…and sees a sandstorm whipping against the glass.
"I saved you." Emma is grinning.
"No, I saved you." Regina retorts, though her voice is scratchy.
Mary, still glaring at Regina, looks at them both as though they are crazy.
Storybrooke: Hearts Into Dust.
Regina and Emma do not speak for what feels like a long time after the Graham's death. In reality, the time might be brief, but Regina cannot quite tell how long it stretches. How long had it been since their fight in the graveyard? How long since fists had connected, shocking and angering them both?
In fact this is one of Regina's first clues that all is not within her control. This lapse in memory. Who exactly is in the driver's seat when Regina forgets her true identity and lapses into normalcy?
They see each other at Granny's where Regina nurses a whisky on the rocks while discussing something quietly with two local businessmen. Regina is considering going home with one-or even both, what the hell-but she spots Emma looking oddly worried and quite sad. Regina knows that her decision making abilities are hazy again. She is lonely. Graham was, after all, warming Regina's bed where Emma still had not been allowed.
Emma orders a beer and looks out the window at a gathering storm while Regina watches her from the corner of one eye. It has been raining for days. Angry thunder crashes repeatedly.
Not long after, Emma approaches Regina-cautiously-and offers to take her home.
One of the men moves in Emma's way and opens his mouth to speak, but Regina has already considered the offer.
"Deputy." Regina smirks. And Emma has a curious sort of feeling that this title will not last. "I do have business to discuss with you. Shall we?" And with that, Regina has dismissed the men at her table and is by Emma's side. It feels momentarily satisfying. Perhaps she just likes rejecting people.
The sidewalk is wet and they walk quickly together. The silence is not as awkward as one might expect, but Regina yawns more than once at it. Emma looks as though she is carrying the weight of the universe on each shoulder. An apology is probably struggling to erupt.
Regina is trying not to shiver by the time they arrive at her home. She has already made a decision about something but will not reveal the end game until they are upstairs. "Come inside for a drink."
"I can't…" Emma grimaces. She opens her mouth to say something and Regina says,
"You can." And walks ahead. Emma takes only a moment to follow.
But instead of pouring alcohol, Regina pours glasses of water. Emma chugs hers and says "thanks" before taking Regina's empty glass and putting both in the sink. They lock the front door, together, and then Emma flicks off the lights as she follows Regina upstairs…
…and Regina has an overwhelming feeling of déjà vu.
"I won't stay." Emma whispers.
Regina is genuinely confused. "Won't you?" She replies.
Then, without a word more, they close the door to Regina's bedroom and they both begin to undress. There is no anger. Emma is fighting tears as she climbs into bed. Their bodies fit neatly together as Regina slides beneath the sheets.
There is pity in Emma's kisses. Regina tastes the acidic tears and swallows the words Emma murmurs against her lips. Regina opens her eyes and watches as Emma says 'sorry, sorry, sorry' as those lips cover Regina's chin and neck and jaw line.
Regina is sorry as well. For all of it. But who would listen to her apologies if they knew everything she had done? And this would certainly not be happening. Emma would not be pressing her naked body to Regina's, running her hands over Regina's hips, pulling them so close together.
All of Regina's lies are beginning to pile up.
And as their kisses deepen, Regina's memories begin to change. No longer does she flash back to something terrible done by Emma in some invented world in between the one Regina has frozen them into. The past begins to bleed into the future.
Emma's lips are heated on Regina's neck and Regina sees something terrible and wonderful. Another world. Regina gasps when she recognizes a flash of Henry, older. Another child with him. Blonde hair, a girl. Emma walks in and she laughs as her arms wrap around Regina.
And then the visions are gone and Regina tries to mask her tears. As Emma's mouth traces a path down Regina's stomach, Regina openly weeps.
The tears are for all of the lies that are beginning to overwhelm reason. When Emma finds out all of these lies, Regina is sure that forgiveness will be impossible.
Afterward, Regina is on her left side, watching Emma sleep. Emma sleeps splayed out on her back, one leg over the left side of the bed, the other leg touching Regina. Regina tests Emma: she tries to move away and somehow Emma edges close and a limb or a hand touches some part of Regina. The sheet falls further down and Regina has an urge to lift it, to cover some of Emma's nakedness. She might get cold. Regina has a strange memory, again, of a time with Emma in some small house with little heat.
"Are you warm enough?" Regina asks Emma in her mind. Emma sighs and turns onto her side, facing Regina. Eyes still closed, Emma's arms wrap around Regina, force her onto her other side, warming her instead.
Regina takes a long time to relax.
"Oh, um, sorry." Emma mumbles behind her, threatening to take away the hand that cups Regina's breast.
"No, it's ok." Regina pulls the hand back.
They sleep strangely and dream deeply, and in the morning Emma is sure to climb out the window before anybody can see her.
Emma dreams, later that week, that she and Regina are in Regina's backyard. They stand next to the apple tree which has changed shape and color and seems to be growing an entirely different kind of fruit. Regina's hair is longer and piled on top of her head. She wears a long, black dress, which shines with silver strands in the moonlight. Silver seems to be Regina's new color. Silver like the wrist band Emma is suddenly wearing.
Emma tries to say 'hey', but Regina has already acknowledged her presence. Regina is digging into what becomes a rather large garden.
"You always do this." Regina is saying. "You check on me when the gardening is finished." she laughs. "You could help, you know."
"Sorry." Emma says from a distance. The moonlight spreads silver even further and some of the flowers and plants have stems of glowing white. "I check on you because I worry."
"That I'll end my own existence." Regina says dimly, still digging. Yet dirt never touches her dress and when she turns to reach for Emma, the darkness changes and more light bleeds in. "You're doing this, you know." Regina whispers as she kisses Emma, once, twice. "Your colors are becoming mine."
Emma looks at her boots and sees that they are black and no longer brown. She is suddenly wearing what looks to be a metallic long sleeved shirt. A sword appears by her side. "Hey. Cool." Emma laughs in her dream and knows then that she is indeed dreaming.
The third time that Emma wakes herself, she gets up for good. The moon is bright in her window, and she walks over to look up at it. Her bare feet are cold on the wooden floor which is reassuring.
"House arrest?" Emma mutters aloud in the still air. She suddenly knows for certain that in her dream, she is the…Sheriff. Perhaps, but also something more. And Regina is her prisoner. Except Regina is allowed to stay in her own home. That is the prison…
In the waking world, Emma tries to avoid Regina. Their relationship is on one of its downturns, after mean words by Regina and angry responses from Emma.
Regina and Emma decide that have already exchanged enough angry words, so they ignore one another for a couple of days.
Until the day when Regina arranges a ridiculous dance for the townspeople to celebrate…something, no one can recall what…in the school gym.
Emma is summoned in writing to watch over the dance. Upon arriving at the school, she is utterly bored and seeks Regina out for some verbal sparring. Emma is helpless against the pull of the other woman and wants to see if she can goad her into some make-up sex later on.
She finds Regina standing next to a table of punch and food. The woman looks seriously out of place and speaks to David's wife for a brief moment before going back to her awkward, arms crossed, pose. Regina is wearing a dark suit and red blouse. Emma realizes that she has underdressed for the occasion and wears her red leather jacket with a t-shirt. She decides to find some new clothes someday soon. Still, the business wear on Regina and the 'lesbian undercover cop' (which Emma was called recently by Ruby) looks are their respective uniforms. Their armor.
Regina does not acknowledge Emma's presence with more than a nod, but for some reason, Emma continues to stand next to her.
"So." Regina clears her throat. "Tell me about Tallahassee…"
"What is this? Story time?" Emma finds herself actually sneering at Regina who looks genuinely contrite for a split second before rolling her eyes and sneering back. Emma backs down first, as always, and says,
"Lots of crime. A surprising amount. I had steady work."
This earns an impatient sigh from Regina who looks ready to walk away from this conversation.
"Fine." Emma says. "A woman. And a man." she laughs. "I was kinda dating two people…at…" Her eyes are suddenly wide as she senses Regina's energy shift. "Ummm…"
"Stories of past conquests do not amuse me." Regina decides in that very moment, even as she speaks the words aloud.
"What? Are you jealous?" Emma begins to laugh and then thinks better of it. "Hmmm." She purses her lips and presses a finger to them. Hard. Harder when Regina's face turns an angry shade of purple.
"tell me about other things." Regina hisses. "Anything else."
"What, like, the bar scene?" Emma wrinkles her nose and scratches it, watching as couples nervously shuffle away from where she and Regina stand. She realizes that everyone in this damned place is too nervous with Regina being there to actually relax and have fun. Especially since Regina looks like she's about to blow a fuse.
"No." Regina sighs. "Never mind."
"Ok, ok." Emma looks around again and turns fully to Regina. "Hey, come for a walk with me. I'll tell you about the randomness of Florida. I used to go to the Keys a lot. I saw crocodiles. I also saw a half eaten foot in one of them. It was gross. I chased a guy in a pontoon boat once. Then I threw him in to get eaten by crocodiles because he annoyed me." She speaks fast, really wanting to get the Mayor away.
Regina is genuinely interested in this tidbit of information and actually smiles. "I'm not going anywhere with you." She still says.
"Yes, yes, you are." Emma rolls her eyes and stomps away.
It takes a few minutes for Regina to follow. She finds Emma outside, leaning against the back of the school.
"Hey." Emma turns in a slow circle and grins at Regina. "No kids out smoking pot? Or sneaking booze? What kind of a town is this?"
"I will not reward such stupid questions with a response." Regina says, crossing her arms again. "Did you really throw somebody in with crocodiles?"
Emma grins. "You believed that one? No, I wouldn't deliberately feed somebody to giant toothy reptiles."
"Oh." Regina sounds almost disappointed. She leans against the wall, next to Emma who has jammed her hands into her jacket. Regina shivers a little and Emma leans in. "Well. Interesting, nonetheless."
They stand in the night air, listening to rather loud music from inside-louder since Regina left, it seems-until a cheesy Chicago song comes on.
"Who picked the music?" Regina is suddenly angry and looks as though she is about to storm back inside.
Emma frowns sheepishly. She had, in truth, handed over some cds from the back of her car. She reaches out and touches Regina's arm, drawing a glare from the woman.
"Hey. Uh…" Emma stammers, her hands suddenly damp. "Let's…I mean…do you want to dance?" She feels like they might be at a Junior High dance-one she never went to the first time around-and it's kind of fun to pretend that they might have such an innocent and absurd moment together.
Regina just stands and stars, utterly dumbfounded. "Somebody might see us." Regina whispers.
"Nobody is out here but us." Emma already has Regina's hand and steps back with her. "Just one dance. Before you go in and make everybody nervous again."
Regina opens her mouth to protest but cannot.
They dance for a brief few minutes, before they just stop and hug instead.
Neither woman sees Mary, standing ten feet from them, with her jaw on the ground.
Chapter 7.
Storybrooke: Crooked Lines.
Regina sometimes thinks that the void inside of her is growing a system of tunnels, much like the system beneath their cursed little town. Every day that Regina tries to connect with something…she fails. When she tries to connect with her son, she fails. She fails similarly when trying to speak to just about anybody in town. And when they look at her with fear, she lashes out. No one can help her and she has forever to live like this…
Only Emma stands up to Regina, that much is already known. Emma's firm words and firmer hands make the hollow place in Regina glow in anger but also in something frighteningly similar to love. So Regina says mean things and makes Emma feel responsible for horrors caused by the curse. Regina even hurts Emma physically, sending her home with trails of blood drawn from nails that dig too deep.
Regina pulls Emma's naked body against her own equally bare skin. And then she tries to pull Emma even closer…
"Ouch! Fuck 'Gina!" Emma has slipped up and called Regina by a shortened nickname, not for the first time. In bed, on a Saturday, while Regina pretends to be at a meeting and Emma lies to their son that she is at work as well.
Mary hears them through the door and chooses that Saturday to help a friend with childcare. It will be a long while before Regina finds out that Mary's knowledge of Emma and Regina's relationship is triggering protectiveness and also remembering.
They have been at it for what feels like hours, but really isn't. Regina languishes on Emma's narrow bed, staring at the throbbing vein in Emma's neck.
Emma stays between Regina's thighs, panting and grimacing as Regina draws her hands up and down firm arms, soothing and taunting at once. "Fuck this." Emma mutters, rolling off of Regina and spreading droplets of blood over the sheets.
Regina does not say that she is sorry, because she isn't. She dresses and leaves in silence without a backward glance. If she looks behind her, she might feel tempted to tell Emma the truth.
And the truth will just not do.
The void in Regina is spreading and it is all Emma's fault. Sometimes, Regina even wants to tell her everything-to unburden the aching lies.
Regina wants to prey on Emma's weaknesses, to make up for her own.
Storybrooke: Smoke-filled Skies.
Emma drinks too much at Granny's, the night she becomes Sheriff. Henry has already been walked home by Archie, and the locals are buying Emma far too many celebratory drinks. Emma blushes as Ruby looks on, amused, and lustful. Emma considers dragging Ruby into some back corner for a quickie, but decides to get some fresh air first. She stumbles slightly on her way outside to smoke a cigar that somebody has given her.
Regina watches as everyone takes note of Emma's inebriated state. Regina knows that she should just allow this-Emma, digging her own grave. But instead, Regina intervenes. Regina shares a quick look with Ruby who shrugs in defeat and then Regina smirks to herself as she pushes her way through the front door.
"Emma, come with me now." Regina speaks carefully, standing directly in Emma's line of vision. "and put away that disgusting thing."
"No." Emma laughs. "And no. You're too mean to me. I'm not going anywhere with you." She waves the cigar in Regina's face and laughs again. "and I'll do whatever I…hey!" Emma looks down, saddened by the sight of the now broken cigar on the ground. "That. Was. Mean."
Regina smirks up at Emma and adds, "You are a public servant, you know. A public figure. You cannot act as though you are still in a frat house in Boston. Or wherever else."
"Hey, I didn't live in a frat house." Emma shakes her head. She did once live in a frat house, but it was only for a week when she was homeless. The friend who let her stay was gay, in the closet, and lived with a bunch of slightly frightening young men. How the hell did Regina find out…
Regina, bored with the conversation, falls silent but slows down her pace so that Emma can walk alongside her.
They walk to Regina's house and sneak in like a couple of teenagers. It is actually a total turn-on for Regina, who completely missed her youth. Regina hisses "guest room" and leads them in the opposite direction of her own room. By the time they get there, and close the door behind them, Regina is already throbbing. So she submits, when Emma pushes her onto the bed and falls gracelessly on top of her.
"No, fuck you, don't touch me." Emma mumbles and pushes Regina's hands up and ties them together with her belt. The job is not done well and Regina can easily escape but, for some reason, does not.
"Do you wish to hurt me?" Regina asks, not for the first time. "To make up for those marks on your back?"
"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Emma pants against Regina's throat, biting and licking. "for me to justify all of your…your…" She loses her words and runs her hands roughly over Regina's breasts.
"My…what?" Regina struggles to maintain control in her voice.
"Your emptiness." Emma mutters, sliding down and struggling with Regina's slacks. Once they are gone, there is a pair of panties to slide off, and then Emma dives in, mouthing Regina, licking and sucking…
"Oh God…" Emma groans against the intoxicating wet scent of her lover, and presses hard against her own hand…
…and promptly comes, like someone who hasn't had sex in years. Or like someone who has just had sex for the first time. Either way, it makes Emma laugh at herself.
"Did you just…" Regina stares as Emma shakes and giggles.
"Yeah. Sorry." Emma grins up at Regina and then leans in kissing the base of Regina's clit, making the other woman's eyes flutter closed. "Let me try again. This time I won't finish so quickly…" And this earns a genuine laugh from Regina before Emma's tongue, wicked and gentle at once, licks the length of her.
Minutes later, Regina rides out a surprisingly long orgasm and then lays limply while Emma 'undoes' her hands and climbs all over Regina's prone body.
"Jeez, fuck, I just want you…" Emma mutters. "I just want you to feel something. For somebody."
Regina stares up at Emma's wet face and mussed hair, and says "Nevermind." before pulling her down for a kiss. Emma tastes like sex and Regina begins to get turned on all over again. Their hands are in each other's hair but their bodies rock together.
They had kissed enough times for Regina to grow accustomed to the flashes and images that cascade. Regina even fancies herself capable of controlling the images from time to time. She lets herself roll her tongue languidly against Emma's, lets their kiss grow deeper, more intimate. Regina thinks herself to be in control almost always in those days, and that is her weakness.
…because there are newer and more numerous images than ever before and Regina's eyes snap open.
One after another, Regina and Emma walk together in various dated outfits; they fight; they kiss; they laugh; they scream in anger; they make love…
Regina keeps kissing Emma, will not stop, even as Regina realizes that there is at least one more life that she has erased from their existence with this damned curse. But then…
Another life. Each life designed to fix the error of the life before it.
They fell in love after Henry was born. Regina left and another curse was thrown. This one erased even Regina's memories. And Gold…
Gold is suddenly grinning at Regina after every image of the two women. Gold and his lizard skin and yellow eyes, from the last life, or the life before that…
Regina wakes up, minutes later, and Emma is crouched in front of the cold fireplace, trying to get a fire started. "Hey." Regina mutters. "Did I just…"
"Fall asleep while eating my face?" Emma grins over one shoulder. "Yes. You ok?" The fire catches and a lick of smoke escapes up the chimney. "Hey, let's do this in that office of yours again sometime. The fireplace is bigger."
"On a Sunday morning, perhaps." Regina yawns and props her chin on one hand, turning to look at Emma. Emma sits back on her heels. She is still naked, but Regina can only see shadows of her form now silhouetted against the backdrop of the fire. Regina considers some possibilities, then. Like taking Emma to the cabin that she used to bring Henry to, when he was still an infant. Henry no longer remembers those trips, and Regina has things to hide at the cabin, but she would allow Emma a night or two there.
"I should go." Emma's words are laden with fatigue. "This rain isn't letting up tomorrow, and I have rounds into the late night."
"Come over afterward." Regina says quietly. "I'll…" She grimaces. "Cook."
Emma nods, wide eyed. "Ok, so…ok." They are here again-in that place where they might get along for a period of time before Regina tips the scales and says something awful again-and Emma can't stop herself from feeling relieved.
Storybrooke: Rainy Days.
The first time Regina and Ruby slept together, they established a set of boundaries that would protect both from whatever she feared most.
In Regina's case, it was the fear of the being caught...with a woman, but especially a woman like Ruby.
For Ruby, the fear was punishment for in her words, "taking what everybody wants in the first place"…words first burned into Regina's brain the day she pressed Ruby to the cellar stairs and began far too roughly for Ruby's liking. Regina was oddly floored and from that point forward, when she and Ruby met, Regina gave only what was asked of her.
Ruby has, of course, also slept with Emma. Regina knows this by now, though she and Emma have never discussed it.
Then, suddenly one day, Regina wants to know the why, the when and the how good was it, of the situation. She does not seek out Emma for this discussion, but instead drives her car to Granny's in the rain, half an hour before closing time.
They end up outside, in the shed of all places. Regina's excuse for dragging Ruby out there is pretty lame, but they busy themselves with making out for awhile and don't bother with further details. The kissing is really good, both have to admit, but it isn't long before Regina finds herself pushed atop a long wooden table. Ruby's mouth is hot on her neck and Regina smiles at the familiar feeling of long, cool, clumsy fingers fumbling beneath her dress.
"No underwear. Awesome." Ruby's eyes shine eerily as she pulls back to look at Regina. The full moon, unblocked by clouds for just a moment, shines in through cracks in the shed wall. Regina is exhilarated by the small jolt of fear that Ruby inspires from time to time.
It is cold and damp out, and Regina's dress is sleeveless and Ruby's skirt is too short, so they cling to one another as they fuck. There isn't anything really intimate so much as familiar between them, but Ruby pulls back and stops when she realizes that Regina is even further from her than before.
Ruby had thought that this thing between Regina and Emma was just another game, another move for the Mayor to shore up control of their town. She moves again inside of Regina, allows the hand that slips between her own legs, and wills away the feelings that are beginning to rise to the surface. Ruby's teeth are sharp on Regina's neck, and later, when she remembers everything, she will actually thank the Queen for the timing of the curse. But these are worries for a time far in the future.
When they are through, Regina looks lost. She continues to perch on the wooden table, frowning downward.
"Don't worry." Ruby speaks quietly as she adjusts her skirt. "I won't tell her."
"Tell who…her what?" Regina's head snaps up, but she is equally quiet.
"That you're in love with her." Ruby replies, brushing past Regina on her way out. When Ruby touches Regina's shoulder, she knows that this is a kind of goodbye.