BSG Fic : Four Times Lee Adama Almost Died (2/4)
Title : Four Times Lee Adama Almost (But Not Quite) Died
Author : Helen C.
Summary : See title. A series of four unrelated, unashamedly H/C, AU ficlets.
Fandom : BSG
Rating : PG-13
Spoilers : Everything aired so far is fair game.
Disclaimer : The characters and the universe were created and are owned by Ronald D. Moore and Universal Television Studios to name but a few. No money is being made. No copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
AN. Many thanks to Mick1997 for beta'ing this! As often happens, I tinkered-all remaining mistakes are mine.
Four Times Lee Adama Almost (But Not Quite) Died
Helen C.
Time #2
Hour 4
"What do you think is the worst possible way to die?"
Lee stared at Racetrack, incredulous, but she was gazing at a point far away in space, carefully avoiding eye contact. "Is this really how you want to pass the time?" he asked when she didn't speak again.
She turned to him, then. Her face was pale in the light given out by her helmet, and the fear was plain in her eyes.
Well, she had reason to be afraid. Hell, he was downright terrified and only stubbornness and pride were keeping his voice steady, were keeping his hands from shaking.
She shrugged. "Why not?"
Lee chuckled despite himself. Their Raptor had crashed on an asteroid, in an enormous asteroid field, all the oxygen had leaked out while they were unconscious, leaving them only with what little reserves were contained in their flight suits, and oh, yes, the Cylon attack that had landed them here had also forced the Fleet to jump away.
They were frakked in every possible way, so, yes, why not talk about gruesome ways to die?
"You first," he said.
He heard her sharp intake of breath, then a hesitant, "I'm not sure… I think… My mom got cancer when I was a kid. She died, but it took years."
Lee refrained from grimacing, thinking back about the President when she had been more dead than alive. She had survived, but Lee sometimes wondered when she'd have to pay the price for that.
"Okay," he said softly. At least Racetrack may not suffer that particular fate. If the Fleet didn't come back before their air supply ran out… Well, he and Racetrack, at least, would finally be allowed to stop fighting. The thought wasn't as comforting as it would have been back when the Cylons still attacked every thirty-three minutes and death was the only possible way out-the only respite from the constant fighting, the only way to get some rest at last.
He shook himself. Those exhausting, terrifying days were yet another thing he'd rather not dwell on, especially now.
"What's yours, Apollo?" she asked, her tone making it clear she wasn't sure whether or not she was crossing a line.
Lee tried to look out into space, at the asteroids around them, but there wasn't enough light to really make them out. "Burning alive," he said eventually, not looking at her. He knew that if he didn't elaborate, the discussion would stop and Racetrack wouldn't ask any other question but what was strictly necessary, so he added, "There was an accident when I was in flight school. One of the cadets got stuck in the cockpit. By the time the rescue teams got there, the whole thing was burning. He hadn't turned off his comm."
Silence fell in the Raptor again.
*
Hour 7
Racetrack started talking again just as Lee was starting to doze off. Might be a good idea to sleep for good, eventually, he thought. They'd use less oxygen that way and it wasn't like there was much of anything they could do while awake, except freak out in the dark and count down the hours before their oxygen supply ran out. Everything on the Raptor seemed to have died in the crash-the electric connections severed, either by the landing or by whatever had hit them in the first place. They had nothing to do but sit and wait and hope that rescue would come before it was too late. Lee wasn't far from thinking he'd rather have died in an explosion (quick and clean, instead of this endless waiting).
"Apollo?" Racetrack insisted.
He racked his brain to remember what she had asked and resisted the urge to sigh when it came back to him. "Do you think they'll find us?"
Did Lee think the rescue team would find them? That depended on whether or not one of the other pilots had been able to spot them when they were going down, which would at least narrow the field of the SAR mission. He didn't know whether or not their automatic distress beacon was emitting. The way their luck was going, his money was on no.
Did he think the Galactica would come back for them at all? That was another question entirely.
"If it was you out there, we'd never leave."
It was reassuring to remember that promise now, but Lee was enough of a pragmatist to realize that it had been made more out of necessity than anything else. He didn't doubt his father would do anything to bring him back, but his Commander was another story. If there was no safe way to do it… well, that would be it. Lee didn't want to die here and now, but he didn't want anyone else to die to save his sorry ass either.
Racetrack didn't need to know that, though.
"They'll come back," he said, willing his voice to be convincing.
After all, it wasn't really a lie. Chances were good that a rescue mission would be sent for them.
Racetrack snorted. "Well, I guess I'm lucky. I'm stranded with the Commander's son. If he comes for anyone..."
Lee frowned. Was this really what people thought?
Racetrack was biting her lower lip when he turned to look at her, obviously nervous, but she met his gaze without a word.
"He considers all of his crew his family," Lee said. A fact that had caused countless arguments and tensions in the Adama household, even long before Lee grew resentful and bitter of the fact that his father always chose his career over his family.
"We know that," she said. "But…"
But his father had let Kara go, when she had crashed. Would he do the same thing now that his son was concerned? Lee hoped neither of them would have to find out.
It could have been worse, he reminded himself. He and Racetrack had been flying back from Cloud Nine when the Cylons had attacked. The only reason why they had even been wearing their flight suits was because the Fleet was still on alert after the last few attacks. If they had been in uniform, they wouldn't have awoken at all.
It could have been worse but telling himself that didn't make the situation any less scary.
"Sir?" Racetrack called.
He replied absently, "Yeah," wondering if maybe they should keep silent to save oxygen. The prospect of having to sit in total silence, however, with only the sound of his own breathing for company, was enough to make him consider getting his gun out and-
"So, did you hear that rumor about Doctor Baltar?" he asked, his heart beating a little faster than it should. He didn't miss the relief is Racetrack's voice when she replied.
*
Hour 11
"What's your most embarrassing memory, Apollo?"
"You must have been hell on car drives," Lee said, without bite.
She smiled at him, her face drawn despite the mischievous glint in her eyes. "Yup." She stared at him, her challenging look reminding him eerily of Starbuck. Kara was such a bad influence on the other pilots. "We're going to die anyway," she pointed out. He had to hand it to her; her voice barely shook.
He shook his head. "Gallows humor, now? I would have thought you'd wait at least another five hours before coming to this."
"What can I say?" She shifted in her seat, grimacing. "Patience has never been my strong suit."
"How's your leg?" he asked, stalling.
"Still broken. How's your side?"
"Still painful." And growing increasingly so. At best, he was pretty bruised up. At worst… the words internal bleeding came to mind, but he pushed the thought away. There was nothing he could do about it, and thinking about what was wrong with him would only make everything seem worse.
Hurry up, he thought. He didn't even know who he was sending this prayer to-Kara? His father? The gods? He almost laughed at the thought. Apparently, facing death didn't make him any more of a believer.
He shared a look with Racetrack and shrugged. "Fine. My most embarrassing memory." The sad fact was, there were many to choose from, and some of them, Racetrack would never know. He was still her superior officer, and if they survived this, they'd need to work together again.
"It was an official party," he said at last. "Dress uniforms, admirals everywhere, admirals' wives everywhere."
She cut in, her voice shaking with repressed laughter, "Oh, this is going to be good."
He scowled at her. "Remember that when we're back on the Galactica, I can make your life miserable."
She mock saluted and he smiled, relieved that she looked less vulnerable than a few moments earlier. He liked his pilots brash and cocky and smart-assed.
He went on, mostly to get it over with. "I got into an elevator with one of the wives. There was a power outage. The cabin got stuck." He looked at her, grimacing. "And now would be a good time to admit that she was pregnant. Very much so."
Racetrack started to laugh, softly at first, then increasingly loudly. Lee joined her after a moment, gasping with pain when the laughter pulled at his bruises.
Racetrack got herself under control long enough to ask, "Did they find you before she had to…?"
He bit back a chuckle. "No."
She started to laugh again.
"It went really fast," Lee added. "I spent the last half hour being insulted-that woman had a mouth on her-and being yelled at by the admiral, who was on the emergency phone with a doctor." Back then, it had seemed like the worst night of his life.
Racetrack reached over and patted him on the arm. "Okay. I'm sure it wasn't the most embarrassing moment of your life, but it must come close."
He shrugged good naturedly. "Your turn."
She thought for a moment before saying, "You know when people say that they were so drunk they danced naked on the bar?"
Lee nodded, smiling despite himself. He had the feeling he knew where this was going.
"You know how it's often a gross exaggeration?"
"Yes."
"Well, in my case, not so much." She groaned at the thought. "And even worse, there were pictures."
Lee smiled at her compassionately. He had to admit, that had to suck almost as much as his own experience.
"So, will you still respect me in the morning, Sir?" Racetrack asked, smiling.
*
Hour 16
"What do you miss the most?" Lee asked. "From before."
Racetrack didn't seem surprised that for once, he was the one starting the discussion. He was beginning to have a hard time focusing, and the pain was growing worse. And since they were basically strapped to their seats, in a vacuum, they had no way to inject themselves with anything to relieve the pain.
"I don't know…" She trailed off, lost in her memories. Lee had noticed that she, too, was growing quieter. She was also starting to have trouble following an idea to its end and that worried him even more. "Lots of things. Being on a planet, for one."
Lee nodded. "I know what you mean. Things were difficult on Kobol, for many reasons, but it was nice to breathe non-recycled air, and to feel the sun, and even the rain."
She smiled wistfully. "You're going to make me wish I'd been there," she said, her tone caustic.
"What else?" he pushed without acknowledging her comment.
"Chocolate," she said, without hesitation. "You?"
"Driving around during the summer, when the sun set and the light was just that shade of blue and orange over the ocean."
"My aunt's cooking. She was the best cook ever. Seriously."
"Books. I used to read a lot. There were novels I had started, and now unless I can find someone who read them too, I'll never know the end."
"The smell of cut grass in the summer," Racetrack said, inhaling deeply, as if she could just imagine it.
"Yeah," Lee said dreamily. "I liked that too."
Neither of them mentioned people.
*
Hour 20
"We can't sleep," Racetrack said. "When rescue comes, they'll try to contact us. We need to be awake to reply."
"I know," Lee said. He hated how weak his voice was getting. He was having trouble keeping his eyes open, and he was starting to wonder if rescue was ever going to come.
"Apollo?" Racetrack insisted. "Are you all right?"
No, he thought. He didn't think he had hit his head very hard in the crash-for the most part, the helmet seemed to have done its job-but it was pounding like hell. Maybe it was just because their oxygen was getting low? He hoped so. He'd probably have lost consciousness by now, if he had suffered a bad concussion.
"What did the apple say to the orange?" Racetrack asked.
The sheer incongruity of the question snapped Lee out of his thoughts. "What?"
"I said, what did the apple say to the orange?" Racetrack repeated.
Lee fought back a laugh. "Lieutenant, the situation isn't so dire that we have to resort to a contest of the worst jokes in history."
"I think it is, Sir." Damn she really was taking a page out of Starbuck's book, wasn't she? "So, what-"
The reply shot out before he could think about it. "She didn't say anything, apples don't talk." He shot a look at Racetrack, who seemed adequately impressed. Lee should really have forced his inner five-year-old to retreat back where he usually lived, tell her to find something else to pass the time, but what he ended up saying was, "What do you do with a dog that has no legs?"
After all, this couldn't be any worse than the "most embarrassing memory" discussion.
Racetrack looked so serious when she replied, "You take him out for a drag," that he couldn't bite back a smile.
The whole thing was ridiculous.
It was also helping him feel less dizzy and he couldn't help thinking that as long as they were up to joking, there was hope.
"So, to stay on the topic of dogs," Racetrack went on, "If your husband is yelling at you to open the front door, and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first?"
"Hey!" Lee said. "That's supposed to be the wife, not the husband!" He didn't try very hard to sound offended and she shrugged off his comment easily.
"You keep telling yourself that. Sir."
"Do I have to answer that one?" Lee asked, aiming for petulant (and succeeding, if the way her eyes crinkled with laughter was any indication).
"I'll let it go this time," she said magnanimously.
"Big of you, Lieutenant." He briefly scanned his memory for another stupid joke, easily found one and said, "A guy says, 'My wife's an angel!'"
"Oh, so, you want revenge. And the second guy says, 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'" Without allowing him time to regroup, she launched, "What did one math book say to the other?"
Lee smiled. Zak had loved that stupid one. "Boy, do we have a lot of problems." He paused for a moment. "Is it bad that I actually think that one's kind of funny?"
Racetrack snorted. "Yes." She hesitated a few seconds before asking, "How do you know all that stuff?"
"My brother bought a book. Two-hundred and fifty nine stupid jokes. He read them all to me." He smiled at the memory. Zak had loved driving him insane with that damn book. "Took him months. He kept cornering me and reading one, and then running away. I punched him more in those months than at any other point in my life."
Racetrack was laughing softly. "I can imagine."
Lee was about to ask her how she had learned them when she offered, "I had a kid sister."
They fell silent.
When Lee felt his eyelids start to droop again, he forced himself to speak. "Have you ever wondered where the jokes come from? Who thought them up first, I mean. It always seems to come from someone who knows someone who knew someone who knew that story."
He snapped his eyes open in time to see her shake her head resolutely. "No, we're not going to talk philosophy or history right now. So, Bob and Jack walk into a hotel. What does Bob tell Jack?"
Lee sighed. "That hurt." Softly, he added, "I’m in hell. Great."
*
Hour 22
"Apollo?"
Racetrack's voice was growing strained, and she was calling him increasingly often. He could almost hear her unspoken plea-don't die first. Don't leave me here alone.
"Yeah?" he said.
"Galactica sure is cutting it close."
She hadn't asked what would happen if the Galactica assumed their oxygen reserves were intact, assumed that the Raptor wasn't badly damaged and could support them for a while. What would have been the point? If the Galactica assumed that, they were going to die, and there was nothing they could do to change that.
"They'll come," Lee said, mostly to say something.
She didn't acknowledge the reassurance. "I'm… It would have sucked to die alone," she muttered.
"It's not over yet," Lee said, remembering the number of times it had been drilled into them; as long as you're breathing, you have a fighting chance. All his instructors had heavily insisted on this. Hell, he knew Kara had beat it into the nuggets every day of their training.
Racetrack smiled sadly. "What is there left to talk about? We talked about food, about sex, about home and about family. And let's not forget the bad jokes."
Lee considered that for a moment, trying to find something else to talk about. They needed something that wouldn't remind them too much of the situation they were in, so flying was out of the question. Suddenly, he smiled. "I know. Did you ever dream you were walking into the CIC totally naked?"
Racetrack's laughter was soothing in the dark.
*
Hour 25
The gods (if they existed, and if they were at all interested in the fate of the human race) must have a weird sense of humor.
The alarm signaling the end of their oxygen supply started beeping about twenty seconds before Lee's comm. came to life. "Apollo, Starbuck. Do you copy, Apollo?"
He looked over at Racetrack just in time to see her eyes drifting shut. "About damn time," she muttered.
"Apollo, Starbuck. Lee, are you out here?"
He activated his comm. and whispered, "Yeah, we're here."
There was a nearly deafening whoop in his ears, then Kara said, the smile obvious in her voice, "What's your status?"
"Nothing works on board and we have no air left," Lee replied. He was starting to feel light-headed. The pull of sleep was almost irresistible, but he used what was left of his energy to force his eyes to remain open. He'd be damned if he let himself die this close to home.
Kara spoke again, a note of worry creeping in her voice. "Hang on, Apollo. We're almost there."
"I know." For lack of anything better to say, he asked, "So, how was your day?"
He heard an amused snort and a "Frakker."
"Nice to hear your voice too," he quipped.
He looked over at Racetrack, who looked both scared and elated. He reached out to her and felt her hand close around his.
"Hey, Starbuck," she said, "Bob and Jack walk into a hotel. What does Bob say to Jack?"
Lee snorted and squeezed Racetrack's hand tighter.
"You're insane," Kara said, and Lee had to smile at her disgusted voice. "And… Yes! I see you! We'll be there in three minutes, tops."
Lee closed his eyes, still smiling.
*
Hour 33
Kara's voice was the first thing he heard when he woke up.
"Not only did he sit on his ass doing nothing for over a day, but then he slept for... how many hours has it been?"
Cottle's long-suffering tone was a testament as to how many times they had had that discussion already. "Eight hours. And considering the state he was in when he came in, I'm not surprised. He had lost a lot of blood."
"I wonder when..."
Lee spoke up before she could truly get started. "I'm awake."
"Lee!" she yelled, and he jerked his head away from her, grimacing.
The next few minutes were a blur of exasperated Cottle and apologetic Kara, and it was only when Racetrack called, from a bed somewhere to his right, "They've been at it for the last hour, Apollo. I miss the Raptor," that they both stopped.
"Lieutenant?" Lee called, avoiding to look up for fear of aggravating his headache.
"Sir?"
"How are you?"
"Good enough. You?"
He looked warily at Kara and Cottle, who were still glaring at each other, and said, "Kind of missing the Raptor too."
Kara scowled at them both. "Freaks," she said, spinning on her heels and stepping out, muttering under her breath.
The last thing Lee heard before he went back to sleep was Racetrack calling, "Hey, Starbuck, what lives at the bottom of the sea and shivers?"
end
Part Three
Author : Helen C.
Summary : See title. A series of four unrelated, unashamedly H/C, AU ficlets.
Fandom : BSG
Rating : PG-13
Spoilers : Everything aired so far is fair game.
Disclaimer : The characters and the universe were created and are owned by Ronald D. Moore and Universal Television Studios to name but a few. No money is being made. No copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
AN. Many thanks to Mick1997 for beta'ing this! As often happens, I tinkered-all remaining mistakes are mine.
Four Times Lee Adama Almost (But Not Quite) Died
Helen C.
Time #2
Hour 4
"What do you think is the worst possible way to die?"
Lee stared at Racetrack, incredulous, but she was gazing at a point far away in space, carefully avoiding eye contact. "Is this really how you want to pass the time?" he asked when she didn't speak again.
She turned to him, then. Her face was pale in the light given out by her helmet, and the fear was plain in her eyes.
Well, she had reason to be afraid. Hell, he was downright terrified and only stubbornness and pride were keeping his voice steady, were keeping his hands from shaking.
She shrugged. "Why not?"
Lee chuckled despite himself. Their Raptor had crashed on an asteroid, in an enormous asteroid field, all the oxygen had leaked out while they were unconscious, leaving them only with what little reserves were contained in their flight suits, and oh, yes, the Cylon attack that had landed them here had also forced the Fleet to jump away.
They were frakked in every possible way, so, yes, why not talk about gruesome ways to die?
"You first," he said.
He heard her sharp intake of breath, then a hesitant, "I'm not sure… I think… My mom got cancer when I was a kid. She died, but it took years."
Lee refrained from grimacing, thinking back about the President when she had been more dead than alive. She had survived, but Lee sometimes wondered when she'd have to pay the price for that.
"Okay," he said softly. At least Racetrack may not suffer that particular fate. If the Fleet didn't come back before their air supply ran out… Well, he and Racetrack, at least, would finally be allowed to stop fighting. The thought wasn't as comforting as it would have been back when the Cylons still attacked every thirty-three minutes and death was the only possible way out-the only respite from the constant fighting, the only way to get some rest at last.
He shook himself. Those exhausting, terrifying days were yet another thing he'd rather not dwell on, especially now.
"What's yours, Apollo?" she asked, her tone making it clear she wasn't sure whether or not she was crossing a line.
Lee tried to look out into space, at the asteroids around them, but there wasn't enough light to really make them out. "Burning alive," he said eventually, not looking at her. He knew that if he didn't elaborate, the discussion would stop and Racetrack wouldn't ask any other question but what was strictly necessary, so he added, "There was an accident when I was in flight school. One of the cadets got stuck in the cockpit. By the time the rescue teams got there, the whole thing was burning. He hadn't turned off his comm."
Silence fell in the Raptor again.
*
Hour 7
Racetrack started talking again just as Lee was starting to doze off. Might be a good idea to sleep for good, eventually, he thought. They'd use less oxygen that way and it wasn't like there was much of anything they could do while awake, except freak out in the dark and count down the hours before their oxygen supply ran out. Everything on the Raptor seemed to have died in the crash-the electric connections severed, either by the landing or by whatever had hit them in the first place. They had nothing to do but sit and wait and hope that rescue would come before it was too late. Lee wasn't far from thinking he'd rather have died in an explosion (quick and clean, instead of this endless waiting).
"Apollo?" Racetrack insisted.
He racked his brain to remember what she had asked and resisted the urge to sigh when it came back to him. "Do you think they'll find us?"
Did Lee think the rescue team would find them? That depended on whether or not one of the other pilots had been able to spot them when they were going down, which would at least narrow the field of the SAR mission. He didn't know whether or not their automatic distress beacon was emitting. The way their luck was going, his money was on no.
Did he think the Galactica would come back for them at all? That was another question entirely.
"If it was you out there, we'd never leave."
It was reassuring to remember that promise now, but Lee was enough of a pragmatist to realize that it had been made more out of necessity than anything else. He didn't doubt his father would do anything to bring him back, but his Commander was another story. If there was no safe way to do it… well, that would be it. Lee didn't want to die here and now, but he didn't want anyone else to die to save his sorry ass either.
Racetrack didn't need to know that, though.
"They'll come back," he said, willing his voice to be convincing.
After all, it wasn't really a lie. Chances were good that a rescue mission would be sent for them.
Racetrack snorted. "Well, I guess I'm lucky. I'm stranded with the Commander's son. If he comes for anyone..."
Lee frowned. Was this really what people thought?
Racetrack was biting her lower lip when he turned to look at her, obviously nervous, but she met his gaze without a word.
"He considers all of his crew his family," Lee said. A fact that had caused countless arguments and tensions in the Adama household, even long before Lee grew resentful and bitter of the fact that his father always chose his career over his family.
"We know that," she said. "But…"
But his father had let Kara go, when she had crashed. Would he do the same thing now that his son was concerned? Lee hoped neither of them would have to find out.
It could have been worse, he reminded himself. He and Racetrack had been flying back from Cloud Nine when the Cylons had attacked. The only reason why they had even been wearing their flight suits was because the Fleet was still on alert after the last few attacks. If they had been in uniform, they wouldn't have awoken at all.
It could have been worse but telling himself that didn't make the situation any less scary.
"Sir?" Racetrack called.
He replied absently, "Yeah," wondering if maybe they should keep silent to save oxygen. The prospect of having to sit in total silence, however, with only the sound of his own breathing for company, was enough to make him consider getting his gun out and-
"So, did you hear that rumor about Doctor Baltar?" he asked, his heart beating a little faster than it should. He didn't miss the relief is Racetrack's voice when she replied.
*
Hour 11
"What's your most embarrassing memory, Apollo?"
"You must have been hell on car drives," Lee said, without bite.
She smiled at him, her face drawn despite the mischievous glint in her eyes. "Yup." She stared at him, her challenging look reminding him eerily of Starbuck. Kara was such a bad influence on the other pilots. "We're going to die anyway," she pointed out. He had to hand it to her; her voice barely shook.
He shook his head. "Gallows humor, now? I would have thought you'd wait at least another five hours before coming to this."
"What can I say?" She shifted in her seat, grimacing. "Patience has never been my strong suit."
"How's your leg?" he asked, stalling.
"Still broken. How's your side?"
"Still painful." And growing increasingly so. At best, he was pretty bruised up. At worst… the words internal bleeding came to mind, but he pushed the thought away. There was nothing he could do about it, and thinking about what was wrong with him would only make everything seem worse.
Hurry up, he thought. He didn't even know who he was sending this prayer to-Kara? His father? The gods? He almost laughed at the thought. Apparently, facing death didn't make him any more of a believer.
He shared a look with Racetrack and shrugged. "Fine. My most embarrassing memory." The sad fact was, there were many to choose from, and some of them, Racetrack would never know. He was still her superior officer, and if they survived this, they'd need to work together again.
"It was an official party," he said at last. "Dress uniforms, admirals everywhere, admirals' wives everywhere."
She cut in, her voice shaking with repressed laughter, "Oh, this is going to be good."
He scowled at her. "Remember that when we're back on the Galactica, I can make your life miserable."
She mock saluted and he smiled, relieved that she looked less vulnerable than a few moments earlier. He liked his pilots brash and cocky and smart-assed.
He went on, mostly to get it over with. "I got into an elevator with one of the wives. There was a power outage. The cabin got stuck." He looked at her, grimacing. "And now would be a good time to admit that she was pregnant. Very much so."
Racetrack started to laugh, softly at first, then increasingly loudly. Lee joined her after a moment, gasping with pain when the laughter pulled at his bruises.
Racetrack got herself under control long enough to ask, "Did they find you before she had to…?"
He bit back a chuckle. "No."
She started to laugh again.
"It went really fast," Lee added. "I spent the last half hour being insulted-that woman had a mouth on her-and being yelled at by the admiral, who was on the emergency phone with a doctor." Back then, it had seemed like the worst night of his life.
Racetrack reached over and patted him on the arm. "Okay. I'm sure it wasn't the most embarrassing moment of your life, but it must come close."
He shrugged good naturedly. "Your turn."
She thought for a moment before saying, "You know when people say that they were so drunk they danced naked on the bar?"
Lee nodded, smiling despite himself. He had the feeling he knew where this was going.
"You know how it's often a gross exaggeration?"
"Yes."
"Well, in my case, not so much." She groaned at the thought. "And even worse, there were pictures."
Lee smiled at her compassionately. He had to admit, that had to suck almost as much as his own experience.
"So, will you still respect me in the morning, Sir?" Racetrack asked, smiling.
*
Hour 16
"What do you miss the most?" Lee asked. "From before."
Racetrack didn't seem surprised that for once, he was the one starting the discussion. He was beginning to have a hard time focusing, and the pain was growing worse. And since they were basically strapped to their seats, in a vacuum, they had no way to inject themselves with anything to relieve the pain.
"I don't know…" She trailed off, lost in her memories. Lee had noticed that she, too, was growing quieter. She was also starting to have trouble following an idea to its end and that worried him even more. "Lots of things. Being on a planet, for one."
Lee nodded. "I know what you mean. Things were difficult on Kobol, for many reasons, but it was nice to breathe non-recycled air, and to feel the sun, and even the rain."
She smiled wistfully. "You're going to make me wish I'd been there," she said, her tone caustic.
"What else?" he pushed without acknowledging her comment.
"Chocolate," she said, without hesitation. "You?"
"Driving around during the summer, when the sun set and the light was just that shade of blue and orange over the ocean."
"My aunt's cooking. She was the best cook ever. Seriously."
"Books. I used to read a lot. There were novels I had started, and now unless I can find someone who read them too, I'll never know the end."
"The smell of cut grass in the summer," Racetrack said, inhaling deeply, as if she could just imagine it.
"Yeah," Lee said dreamily. "I liked that too."
Neither of them mentioned people.
*
Hour 20
"We can't sleep," Racetrack said. "When rescue comes, they'll try to contact us. We need to be awake to reply."
"I know," Lee said. He hated how weak his voice was getting. He was having trouble keeping his eyes open, and he was starting to wonder if rescue was ever going to come.
"Apollo?" Racetrack insisted. "Are you all right?"
No, he thought. He didn't think he had hit his head very hard in the crash-for the most part, the helmet seemed to have done its job-but it was pounding like hell. Maybe it was just because their oxygen was getting low? He hoped so. He'd probably have lost consciousness by now, if he had suffered a bad concussion.
"What did the apple say to the orange?" Racetrack asked.
The sheer incongruity of the question snapped Lee out of his thoughts. "What?"
"I said, what did the apple say to the orange?" Racetrack repeated.
Lee fought back a laugh. "Lieutenant, the situation isn't so dire that we have to resort to a contest of the worst jokes in history."
"I think it is, Sir." Damn she really was taking a page out of Starbuck's book, wasn't she? "So, what-"
The reply shot out before he could think about it. "She didn't say anything, apples don't talk." He shot a look at Racetrack, who seemed adequately impressed. Lee should really have forced his inner five-year-old to retreat back where he usually lived, tell her to find something else to pass the time, but what he ended up saying was, "What do you do with a dog that has no legs?"
After all, this couldn't be any worse than the "most embarrassing memory" discussion.
Racetrack looked so serious when she replied, "You take him out for a drag," that he couldn't bite back a smile.
The whole thing was ridiculous.
It was also helping him feel less dizzy and he couldn't help thinking that as long as they were up to joking, there was hope.
"So, to stay on the topic of dogs," Racetrack went on, "If your husband is yelling at you to open the front door, and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first?"
"Hey!" Lee said. "That's supposed to be the wife, not the husband!" He didn't try very hard to sound offended and she shrugged off his comment easily.
"You keep telling yourself that. Sir."
"Do I have to answer that one?" Lee asked, aiming for petulant (and succeeding, if the way her eyes crinkled with laughter was any indication).
"I'll let it go this time," she said magnanimously.
"Big of you, Lieutenant." He briefly scanned his memory for another stupid joke, easily found one and said, "A guy says, 'My wife's an angel!'"
"Oh, so, you want revenge. And the second guy says, 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'" Without allowing him time to regroup, she launched, "What did one math book say to the other?"
Lee smiled. Zak had loved that stupid one. "Boy, do we have a lot of problems." He paused for a moment. "Is it bad that I actually think that one's kind of funny?"
Racetrack snorted. "Yes." She hesitated a few seconds before asking, "How do you know all that stuff?"
"My brother bought a book. Two-hundred and fifty nine stupid jokes. He read them all to me." He smiled at the memory. Zak had loved driving him insane with that damn book. "Took him months. He kept cornering me and reading one, and then running away. I punched him more in those months than at any other point in my life."
Racetrack was laughing softly. "I can imagine."
Lee was about to ask her how she had learned them when she offered, "I had a kid sister."
They fell silent.
When Lee felt his eyelids start to droop again, he forced himself to speak. "Have you ever wondered where the jokes come from? Who thought them up first, I mean. It always seems to come from someone who knows someone who knew someone who knew that story."
He snapped his eyes open in time to see her shake her head resolutely. "No, we're not going to talk philosophy or history right now. So, Bob and Jack walk into a hotel. What does Bob tell Jack?"
Lee sighed. "That hurt." Softly, he added, "I’m in hell. Great."
*
Hour 22
"Apollo?"
Racetrack's voice was growing strained, and she was calling him increasingly often. He could almost hear her unspoken plea-don't die first. Don't leave me here alone.
"Yeah?" he said.
"Galactica sure is cutting it close."
She hadn't asked what would happen if the Galactica assumed their oxygen reserves were intact, assumed that the Raptor wasn't badly damaged and could support them for a while. What would have been the point? If the Galactica assumed that, they were going to die, and there was nothing they could do to change that.
"They'll come," Lee said, mostly to say something.
She didn't acknowledge the reassurance. "I'm… It would have sucked to die alone," she muttered.
"It's not over yet," Lee said, remembering the number of times it had been drilled into them; as long as you're breathing, you have a fighting chance. All his instructors had heavily insisted on this. Hell, he knew Kara had beat it into the nuggets every day of their training.
Racetrack smiled sadly. "What is there left to talk about? We talked about food, about sex, about home and about family. And let's not forget the bad jokes."
Lee considered that for a moment, trying to find something else to talk about. They needed something that wouldn't remind them too much of the situation they were in, so flying was out of the question. Suddenly, he smiled. "I know. Did you ever dream you were walking into the CIC totally naked?"
Racetrack's laughter was soothing in the dark.
*
Hour 25
The gods (if they existed, and if they were at all interested in the fate of the human race) must have a weird sense of humor.
The alarm signaling the end of their oxygen supply started beeping about twenty seconds before Lee's comm. came to life. "Apollo, Starbuck. Do you copy, Apollo?"
He looked over at Racetrack just in time to see her eyes drifting shut. "About damn time," she muttered.
"Apollo, Starbuck. Lee, are you out here?"
He activated his comm. and whispered, "Yeah, we're here."
There was a nearly deafening whoop in his ears, then Kara said, the smile obvious in her voice, "What's your status?"
"Nothing works on board and we have no air left," Lee replied. He was starting to feel light-headed. The pull of sleep was almost irresistible, but he used what was left of his energy to force his eyes to remain open. He'd be damned if he let himself die this close to home.
Kara spoke again, a note of worry creeping in her voice. "Hang on, Apollo. We're almost there."
"I know." For lack of anything better to say, he asked, "So, how was your day?"
He heard an amused snort and a "Frakker."
"Nice to hear your voice too," he quipped.
He looked over at Racetrack, who looked both scared and elated. He reached out to her and felt her hand close around his.
"Hey, Starbuck," she said, "Bob and Jack walk into a hotel. What does Bob say to Jack?"
Lee snorted and squeezed Racetrack's hand tighter.
"You're insane," Kara said, and Lee had to smile at her disgusted voice. "And… Yes! I see you! We'll be there in three minutes, tops."
Lee closed his eyes, still smiling.
*
Hour 33
Kara's voice was the first thing he heard when he woke up.
"Not only did he sit on his ass doing nothing for over a day, but then he slept for... how many hours has it been?"
Cottle's long-suffering tone was a testament as to how many times they had had that discussion already. "Eight hours. And considering the state he was in when he came in, I'm not surprised. He had lost a lot of blood."
"I wonder when..."
Lee spoke up before she could truly get started. "I'm awake."
"Lee!" she yelled, and he jerked his head away from her, grimacing.
The next few minutes were a blur of exasperated Cottle and apologetic Kara, and it was only when Racetrack called, from a bed somewhere to his right, "They've been at it for the last hour, Apollo. I miss the Raptor," that they both stopped.
"Lieutenant?" Lee called, avoiding to look up for fear of aggravating his headache.
"Sir?"
"How are you?"
"Good enough. You?"
He looked warily at Kara and Cottle, who were still glaring at each other, and said, "Kind of missing the Raptor too."
Kara scowled at them both. "Freaks," she said, spinning on her heels and stepping out, muttering under her breath.
The last thing Lee heard before he went back to sleep was Racetrack calling, "Hey, Starbuck, what lives at the bottom of the sea and shivers?"
end
Part Three