BSG Fic : Long Time Coming (17/17)
Title : Long Time Coming
Author : Helen C.
Rating : PG-13
Summary : It was the only visible scar still left over by Baltar's trial, now that President Roslin was dead; Apollo's absence and the Admiral's obvious weariness.
Fandom : BSG
Spoilers : Everything aired so far is fair game.
Disclaimer : The characters and the universe were created and are owned by Ronald D. Moore and Universal Television Studios to name but a few. No money is being made. No copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
AN. Goes AU between the verdict and the Cylon attack in Crossroads II.
AN2. Eternal gratitude to joey51 for beta'ing this! As usual, I tinkered. All remaining mistakes are mine.
Epilogue
Bill wasn't afraid of going to the Orion. Not really.
After all, the worst that could happen was getting into yet another fight with Lee. It wasn't like they hadn't been through that countless times already.
It wasn't like he was taking a big risk.
It wasn't like his son had disappeared again-that had been a lot more terrifying. Not knowing if Lee was even alive, knowing that he might die thinking that Bill didn't care… He shook off the thought. He had been given a second chance-the second chance he had prayed for while they were looking for Lee. He wasn't going to waste it now.
He wondered how Lee dealt with raising his kids, how he faced the thought that he could lose them anywhere, anyhow-a sabotage, a Cylon attack, a sickness. With what little resources they had left, everything had become an issue.
From what he had seen, though, it didn't seem to stop his son from being close to Mark and Laura. He pictured the way Lee had knelt down to hug his children, how he had managed to make them feel safer with only a few words.
When was the last time Bill had made Lee feel safe, and loved?
You're a coward. You lost Zak, then Kara, and so you drove your last remaining child away so you wouldn't have to be too close, so it wouldn't be so painful when he went.
As always Carolanne's words stung.
As always, they also rang like the truth.
Being estranged from Lee hadn't made things easier when his son had vanished; on the contrary, it had only made Bill regret all the things he hadn't said when he had the chance.
When was the last time he had shown his son that he loved him, that he was proud of him?
The only thing he was sure of was that it had been a long time ago.
Too long for Lee to forgive?
There was only one way to find out.
Bracing himself, he made a call to Tyrol and asked that a Raptor be prepared for immediate departure.
*
Lee didn't wait for his father to step into the bar. Not really.
If he started to wait, he'd start to hope, and he didn't want to be disappointed again. If the gap between them was too large to bridge… well, that would be it.
They had already amply proven that loving each other wasn't enough to cultivate a relationship. Maybe things were broken beyond repair between them. Lee dearly hoped that wasn't the case, though.
You could always take the first step, he reminded himself. But he had put the ball in his father's court; all he could do now was wait and see what his father would do.
Says who?
"You keep watching that door. Waiting for someone?" Frank asked, startling Lee. The night was quiet and the two of them had too much time to think and talk as the patrons slowly worked their way through their drinks.
"No," Lee said, but he couldn't help shooting another glance to the hatch, just in case. This was getting ridiculous. He wasn't twelve, and there was no reason why his father showing up, or not, should matter.
A throng of people arrived then and for a while, Lee focused solely on the task at hand-take orders, deliver orders; just like the army, minus the uniforms, the firefights, the explosions and the fear.
It still struck him as funny that his once vague pipe dream about opening a bar had come true, in some ways. He may not own the place, but it was almost better. He got to pilot the Orion every once in a while-the captain had asked him if he wanted to learn to fly it shortly after he had settled here and Lee had jumped at the chance. It wasn't the same thing as a Viper, but it was still flying.
Best of both worlds, he thought. Flying, helping people in his own way, and spending time with the kids…
Granted, sometimes, friends of his found leads to the names of saboteurs, and he and Sam got kidnapped and held prisoner and beat up and drugged, but all in all, those days were fairly rare.
And of course, there was always the problem of his relationship with his father-still painful, even after all this time.
"Lee?" Frank nudged him. "I think the guy you were waiting for is here."
Lee looked up and noticed his father at the entrance of the bar, glancing around hesitantly. The noise level dropped by a few decibels as people noticed the Commander of the Fleet joining them.
Lee opened his mouth and Frank said, beating him to the punch, "I know, I know, you're taking a break."
Lee smiled, filled two glasses of ambrosia, and made his way to his father. He gestured to a table in a corner. "It'll be a little quieter over there," he said.
His father followed him without a word.
For a long while, they said nothing, eyeing each other and taking careful sips of their drinks.
"This is awkward," Lee offered after a while.
His father smiled. "Yes." He set his glass down. In typical fashion, he went straight to the point. "I was furious at you for the trial, for Laura."
It surprised Lee a little to hear his father admit it. They usually reacted to crises by pretending they hadn't happened. But then, that way of dealing (or rather, that way of not dealing) with their problems hadn't served them so well in the past.
"I did go see Laura," Lee said. "She asked me over to Colonial One, a few days before she got herself admitted to sickbay."
He didn't like to remember the once vibrant woman that way-reduced to a shell of her former self-but he didn't regret going, even if the conversation had been difficult.
He could still remember her eyes when she told him, "I forgive you," just as he was about to leave.
"It's very nice of you, ma'am, but I didn't ask for your forgiveness," he had replied.
She had laughed then, the rich laugh quickly dissolving into a coughing fit. "That's pretty much what I told your father, when he joined us on Kobol," she had said once she had found her voice again. "I didn't feel I wanted forgiveness for following my heart. But it was still nice to hear it."
"Yes," Lee had replied. "It's still nice to hear it. Thank you."
"Have a good life, Captain Apollo," she had said, and he had leaned down and kissed her cheek, and left before he could realize that he would never see her again.
"I didn't know that," his father said, bringing him back to the present.
Lee looked around and met Frank's eyes. Frank was trying to observe them both from the bar, and he wasn't trying very hard to be subtle about it.
"You didn't even try to defend yourself when I came to see you that day," his father said.
"No, I didn't," Lee said softly. "I shouldn't have to defend myself against you." His father actually flinched at the words and Lee looked down at his glass. If he didn't want to make things worse than they already were, he should probably be honest. "I was mad at you too. I always thought you were fair, but in the end, you weren't, when it mattered."
His father closed his eyes. "Baltar betrayed us all to the Cylons."
And he lost his mind over it, Lee thought. In the end, Baltar built his own prison. He wasn't going to argue the point, though. He had made his feelings clear enough during the trial.
His father set his glass down and rubbed his eyes tiredly. "The days when we didn't know where you were, or if you were even still alive…" He shook his head, looking frighteningly old.
It was in that moment that it dawned on Lee that he was the last one. His mother, his brother, Kara-all
dead. He had always known he was the last one, but it was only now, seeing his father's face, that it hit him-how scared of being left alone his father was.
"Well, it's loads of fun for me when the Fleet jumps to safety and leaves the Galactica behind to fend off the Cylons," Lee said.
His father looked up in surprise, then nodded thoughtfully.
Yeah, looks like we're in the same boat here, Dad.
And where does that leave us? Are we going to continue like we have for the past five years, ignoring each other in the hope that it hurts a little less when one of us dies? "There are days where I want nothing more than to hide and pretend I don't have kids-kids who could die on me at any time." It took him a while to realize that he had spoken the words out loud.
"I understand that," his father replied after a pause. "I'm not sure how things are supposed to go now."
Lee shrugged. "I'm not sure they're supposed to go anywhere special," he admitted. The fact that his father had bothered to show up at all made him feel… well, all kinds of things he wasn't ready to address.
There were a lot of things he and his father weren't ready to address. Still, they had to start somewhere. Lee took a breath, leaned back to get more comfortable and asked, "So, how was your day?"
His father snorted, but to Lee's relief, he started to talk.
end
There. Done. It sucks and I wish I hadn't written it, but it's done.
I think I'll go get drunk, now...
Author : Helen C.
Rating : PG-13
Summary : It was the only visible scar still left over by Baltar's trial, now that President Roslin was dead; Apollo's absence and the Admiral's obvious weariness.
Fandom : BSG
Spoilers : Everything aired so far is fair game.
Disclaimer : The characters and the universe were created and are owned by Ronald D. Moore and Universal Television Studios to name but a few. No money is being made. No copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
AN. Goes AU between the verdict and the Cylon attack in Crossroads II.
AN2. Eternal gratitude to joey51 for beta'ing this! As usual, I tinkered. All remaining mistakes are mine.
Epilogue
Bill wasn't afraid of going to the Orion. Not really.
After all, the worst that could happen was getting into yet another fight with Lee. It wasn't like they hadn't been through that countless times already.
It wasn't like he was taking a big risk.
It wasn't like his son had disappeared again-that had been a lot more terrifying. Not knowing if Lee was even alive, knowing that he might die thinking that Bill didn't care… He shook off the thought. He had been given a second chance-the second chance he had prayed for while they were looking for Lee. He wasn't going to waste it now.
He wondered how Lee dealt with raising his kids, how he faced the thought that he could lose them anywhere, anyhow-a sabotage, a Cylon attack, a sickness. With what little resources they had left, everything had become an issue.
From what he had seen, though, it didn't seem to stop his son from being close to Mark and Laura. He pictured the way Lee had knelt down to hug his children, how he had managed to make them feel safer with only a few words.
When was the last time Bill had made Lee feel safe, and loved?
You're a coward. You lost Zak, then Kara, and so you drove your last remaining child away so you wouldn't have to be too close, so it wouldn't be so painful when he went.
As always Carolanne's words stung.
As always, they also rang like the truth.
Being estranged from Lee hadn't made things easier when his son had vanished; on the contrary, it had only made Bill regret all the things he hadn't said when he had the chance.
When was the last time he had shown his son that he loved him, that he was proud of him?
The only thing he was sure of was that it had been a long time ago.
Too long for Lee to forgive?
There was only one way to find out.
Bracing himself, he made a call to Tyrol and asked that a Raptor be prepared for immediate departure.
*
Lee didn't wait for his father to step into the bar. Not really.
If he started to wait, he'd start to hope, and he didn't want to be disappointed again. If the gap between them was too large to bridge… well, that would be it.
They had already amply proven that loving each other wasn't enough to cultivate a relationship. Maybe things were broken beyond repair between them. Lee dearly hoped that wasn't the case, though.
You could always take the first step, he reminded himself. But he had put the ball in his father's court; all he could do now was wait and see what his father would do.
Says who?
"You keep watching that door. Waiting for someone?" Frank asked, startling Lee. The night was quiet and the two of them had too much time to think and talk as the patrons slowly worked their way through their drinks.
"No," Lee said, but he couldn't help shooting another glance to the hatch, just in case. This was getting ridiculous. He wasn't twelve, and there was no reason why his father showing up, or not, should matter.
A throng of people arrived then and for a while, Lee focused solely on the task at hand-take orders, deliver orders; just like the army, minus the uniforms, the firefights, the explosions and the fear.
It still struck him as funny that his once vague pipe dream about opening a bar had come true, in some ways. He may not own the place, but it was almost better. He got to pilot the Orion every once in a while-the captain had asked him if he wanted to learn to fly it shortly after he had settled here and Lee had jumped at the chance. It wasn't the same thing as a Viper, but it was still flying.
Best of both worlds, he thought. Flying, helping people in his own way, and spending time with the kids…
Granted, sometimes, friends of his found leads to the names of saboteurs, and he and Sam got kidnapped and held prisoner and beat up and drugged, but all in all, those days were fairly rare.
And of course, there was always the problem of his relationship with his father-still painful, even after all this time.
"Lee?" Frank nudged him. "I think the guy you were waiting for is here."
Lee looked up and noticed his father at the entrance of the bar, glancing around hesitantly. The noise level dropped by a few decibels as people noticed the Commander of the Fleet joining them.
Lee opened his mouth and Frank said, beating him to the punch, "I know, I know, you're taking a break."
Lee smiled, filled two glasses of ambrosia, and made his way to his father. He gestured to a table in a corner. "It'll be a little quieter over there," he said.
His father followed him without a word.
For a long while, they said nothing, eyeing each other and taking careful sips of their drinks.
"This is awkward," Lee offered after a while.
His father smiled. "Yes." He set his glass down. In typical fashion, he went straight to the point. "I was furious at you for the trial, for Laura."
It surprised Lee a little to hear his father admit it. They usually reacted to crises by pretending they hadn't happened. But then, that way of dealing (or rather, that way of not dealing) with their problems hadn't served them so well in the past.
"I did go see Laura," Lee said. "She asked me over to Colonial One, a few days before she got herself admitted to sickbay."
He didn't like to remember the once vibrant woman that way-reduced to a shell of her former self-but he didn't regret going, even if the conversation had been difficult.
He could still remember her eyes when she told him, "I forgive you," just as he was about to leave.
"It's very nice of you, ma'am, but I didn't ask for your forgiveness," he had replied.
She had laughed then, the rich laugh quickly dissolving into a coughing fit. "That's pretty much what I told your father, when he joined us on Kobol," she had said once she had found her voice again. "I didn't feel I wanted forgiveness for following my heart. But it was still nice to hear it."
"Yes," Lee had replied. "It's still nice to hear it. Thank you."
"Have a good life, Captain Apollo," she had said, and he had leaned down and kissed her cheek, and left before he could realize that he would never see her again.
"I didn't know that," his father said, bringing him back to the present.
Lee looked around and met Frank's eyes. Frank was trying to observe them both from the bar, and he wasn't trying very hard to be subtle about it.
"You didn't even try to defend yourself when I came to see you that day," his father said.
"No, I didn't," Lee said softly. "I shouldn't have to defend myself against you." His father actually flinched at the words and Lee looked down at his glass. If he didn't want to make things worse than they already were, he should probably be honest. "I was mad at you too. I always thought you were fair, but in the end, you weren't, when it mattered."
His father closed his eyes. "Baltar betrayed us all to the Cylons."
And he lost his mind over it, Lee thought. In the end, Baltar built his own prison. He wasn't going to argue the point, though. He had made his feelings clear enough during the trial.
His father set his glass down and rubbed his eyes tiredly. "The days when we didn't know where you were, or if you were even still alive…" He shook his head, looking frighteningly old.
It was in that moment that it dawned on Lee that he was the last one. His mother, his brother, Kara-all
dead. He had always known he was the last one, but it was only now, seeing his father's face, that it hit him-how scared of being left alone his father was.
"Well, it's loads of fun for me when the Fleet jumps to safety and leaves the Galactica behind to fend off the Cylons," Lee said.
His father looked up in surprise, then nodded thoughtfully.
Yeah, looks like we're in the same boat here, Dad.
And where does that leave us? Are we going to continue like we have for the past five years, ignoring each other in the hope that it hurts a little less when one of us dies? "There are days where I want nothing more than to hide and pretend I don't have kids-kids who could die on me at any time." It took him a while to realize that he had spoken the words out loud.
"I understand that," his father replied after a pause. "I'm not sure how things are supposed to go now."
Lee shrugged. "I'm not sure they're supposed to go anywhere special," he admitted. The fact that his father had bothered to show up at all made him feel… well, all kinds of things he wasn't ready to address.
There were a lot of things he and his father weren't ready to address. Still, they had to start somewhere. Lee took a breath, leaned back to get more comfortable and asked, "So, how was your day?"
His father snorted, but to Lee's relief, he started to talk.
end
There. Done. It sucks and I wish I hadn't written it, but it's done.
I think I'll go get drunk, now...