BSG Fic : Long Way Home (4/4)
Title : Long Way Home
Author : Helen C.
Rating : PG
Summary : A series of four unrelated, AU ficlets, exploring possible ways for the Fleet to find Earth (with unfortunate results, most times). In other words, four ways the show won't deal with that particular storyline.
Spoilers : Everything aired so far is fair game.
Disclaimer : The characters and the universe were created and are owned by Ronald D. Moore and Universal Television Studios to name but a few. No money is being made. No copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
AN. Many thanks to mick1997 for beta'ing this! As usual, I tinkered before posting; all remaining mistakes are mine.
AN2. Character death (no, not Lee. Not Bill either. Which leaves us with…)
Part Four
Helo,
In case this plan turns out to be as suicidally idiotic as I think it is, could you please make sure that my father gets this letter?
Lee Adama
*
"Look at us," Starbuck says, smiling almost challengingly under her helmet. "Apollo and Starbuck, out to save the human race again."
As it should be, Lee thinks but doesn't say. He doesn't want to spend the next eight hours in close quarters with Kara, listening to her teasing him about his romanticizing.
"Let's go," he says, and it's all he can do not to strangle her when she mock-snaps a salute. The trip is going to be very long indeed.
His heart is beating wildly in his chest as he steps into the Raptor. It has been months since he last got into a flight suit, months since he flew, and he hadn't realized until now how much he missed it.
"You still remember how to fly these things?" Kara asks, as if catching his thoughts. The way life has been going recently, Lee wouldn't surprised if that was just the case.
"I need to push the green button, don't I?" he asks, trying to sound stupid and bratty at the same time.
She snorts and shakes her head as she takes the pilot seat. "If we crash this thing, it'll be on your head."
He recognizes the metallic taste of fear on his tongue when the hatch closes. What are their chances of coming back? "Apollo and Starbuck, crashing a bird?" he says, a little proud that his voice doesn't shake. "Never happen."
*
…I'm sorry I left without saying goodbye, but let's face it, I've never been a very good liar. You would have known something was up…
*
"This is never, ever, going to work," Kara is chanting under her breath.
"I thought your plans never failed?" Lee says through gritted teeth, working hard to keep control of the Raptor they stole borrowed from the Galactica. "What happened to your everlasting optimism?"
She lets out a groan, then a biting, "It died with me, frakhead."
The harness keeps him strapped to his seat, anchoring him when nothing around him stays stable for more than a second. The hull is shaking with the stress of the entry into the atmosphere, the instruments are going crazy, and Lee doesn't see what else they can do; they used all their tricks and nothing works.
"I'm losing her," Kara yells, her tone frightened for the first time since they embarked on this ridiculous, self-appointed mission.
Lee's almost sorry he came, except for all the ways in which he's not.
"Apollo!" she calls.
"Trying," he shoots back, but he can tell they lost the battle a while ago.
*
…Kara has a plan and I think we need to try it…
*
"If we don't-" Lee starts just as their last thruster dies.
"Shut up and help me," she yells, and he does, thinking, Okay, so this was a bad idea.
*
…if all goes according to plan, we'll see each other on Earth…
*
The world has stopped spinning and Lee tries to catch his breath, dizzy from the descent and the crash.
"Kara?"
Her voice is weak when she replies, "Yeah?"
He turns his head to her and sees it-the piece of shrapnel caught in her abdomen, pinning her to the seat.
She's grimacing and chuckling at the same time. "Wow, that was something," she says, and he wants to yell at her to shut up, keep quiet and let him help, but his voice doesn't work.
"It's okay," she says. "I always knew it wouldn't last long." She smiles at him. "I died, Lee. It's not like anyone can cheat death for very long."
You did, he thinks. You did, time and time again, every time you climbed into that Viper.
Don't give up now.
"It's okay," she repeats. "It's okay."
*
…it took some… convincing to get Baltar to help us, as you can imagine…
*
The virus seems to have worked-which is both horrifying and strangely comforting, because damn it, after years of playing hide and seek with the damn toasters, Lee was more than ready for a victory.
"Holy frak," Kara groans as she tries to shift in her seat.
"Don't move," Lee says. He wants to scream-being so close to her and not being to help is driving him insane.
"How are your legs?" Kara asks, eyes closed.
"Still can't feel them." Which might mean anything, from simple lack of blood circulation from the way they're trapped to spinal injury.
She swallows audibly. "Well, at least, we made it."
"Yeah. We made it."
Of course, not everything went according to plan. When they left on this little adventure to check that the Cylons were dead, they hit a pocket of resistance. The Cylons were obviously dying, but they were still alive enough to damage the Raptor.
Still, Lee and Kara were almost lucky. They jumped to Earth (and Kara was right; it's beautiful, seen from orbit). They survived the crash. Now, it's all a matter of waiting for the cavalry.
*
…Tyrol and Sam volunteered when Kara talked to them…
*
"Think they'll be here soon?" Kara asks, eyes closed.
"I hope so." They better hurry. I can't lose you again.
She reaches over, pats his arm.
"Look at the sky," she breathes. "It's amazing."
"Yeah." Lee raises his head enough to see the blue sky and the clouds softly drifting their way up north. "Yeah, it is."
He takes hold of her hand and doesn't let go. He got rid of the gloves at some point (maybe it should worry him that he doesn't remember clearly doing so, but he's past caring), and her skin is cold against his.
*
…in case all doesn't go according to plan, it's been an honor serving with you, Dad…
*
Lee sees the first Raptor landing, not far from where he and Kara crashed.
"It worked," he tells Kara.
She doesn't reply.
Of course, she doesn't reply.
It seems like a long time passes before Helo and Hotdog get near enough that he can recognize them, and Lee wishes they'd hurry up, wishes they'd never get here, wishes he could do something, anything but sit here, trapped.
"They're here," he says.
Kara's fingers are still cold but he doesn't want to let go of her hand.
"It worked," he repeats. "You were right." There, I said it. Enjoy it. You were right. Kara Thrace was right. You always enjoyed boasting.
Then, he closes his eyes against the burn, swallows painfully and waits.
*
…your son, Lee…
*
"It was the final five," Lee tells his father, once they're alone in sickbay. Cottle has just spent twenty minutes telling Lee everything that's wrong with him, but it all boils down to the fact that he was lucky and he'll walk again, eventually.
Lee knows he should be more freaked out than he is-he still can't feel his legs or his back and he knows it'll probably hurt like hell when he does-but he can't summon the energy for anything.
The Fleet reached Earth jut fine, Baltar's virus got rid of the Cylons just fine, Kara's plan worked just fine and Lee wonders if maybe, now wouldn't be a good time to give up the fight and die, and join her and Zak and the rest of the Colonies. Damn, but losing her this time hurts even more than the first time, and he wouldn't have thought it was possible.
His father nods in silence, encouraging him to continue.
"Well, two of them." Lee looks down at his hands. They're cold; they've been cold ever since he let go of Kara. "Anders and Tyrol." He takes a breath. "I've never known all the specifics. It was Kara's thing. It was too dangerous for me to know." I didn't want to know. "They went back to the Cylons."
Out of the corner of his eye, he sees his father start. The two disappearances have caused a lot of speculation on the Fleet and Lee knows his father appointed Tigh to look into it back then.
"With the virus," Lee adds.
His father still isn't talking, and Lee closes his eyes, feeling sick.
He didn't want things to come to that, but they didn't have a choice; they couldn't see any other way to get rid of the enemy.
Nobody could see another way to get rid of the enemy.
Tyrol and Anders were adamant they wanted to do it.
Lee wonders if Kara stopped sleeping after sending them on this mission. Gods know Lee did, once he learned what happened to them.
*
Lee is staring at the sky-it's clear, with only a few white clouds here and there, their forms neatly defined against the blue. The sun is shining, they're in a valley and he can see mountains in the distance. He can see ice caps on some of them.
It's almost like paradise.
"Lee? When I die-"
"You're not going to-"
"Shut up and listen. When I die, you're not going to do anything stupid, are you?"
*
"According to the first surveys, we'll be able to build the first settlement a few miles from here," the President says, gesturing to the East. They're not far from where Lee and Kara's Raptor crashed-not far from where Kara is buried.
"Good," Lee's father says.
"Closer to the water, but not close enough that we'll need to worry about heavy rains causing floods. If there are heavy rains here."
Lee's father, every bit the efficient commander, totally in control, nods as he studies his surroundings before turning to face the President. Lee knows he read the reports several times over, and couldn't find anything wrong with the plan. This won't be a redo of New Caprica. This time, they're here to stay. This time, the Cylons won't catch them unaware and force them to flee again.
His father's next words bring him back to the present. "I'll stay in charge of the military for another year. Long enough to make sure there aren't any nasty surprises waiting for us." He looks at Lee, then back at the President. "Then, someone else will have to take charge."
She looks surprised, but not as much as Lee feels. "You're resigning?"
He smiles wryly. "I retired over three years ago," he replies.
And since then, you lost your kind-of-daughter, Lee adds inwardly.
"It's high time," his father says but Lee isn't listening anymore.
*
"Promise me you'll live."
"You're not going to die."
"Promise me. Lee? Promise me."
*
He can see some of the burn marks the crash left on the ground and he stares at them, mesmerized. They're the only scar left over by Kara's death, the only sign that she's buried nearby and not flying her Viper somewhere in orbit, driving everyone in CIC crazy with her banter and her insults to all the other pilots.
"Lee?"
Promise me.
He shakes off his thoughts when he feels a hand on his shoulder.
"Son. Let's go."
Lee follows his father without a word, his legs and back still stiff from the after-effects of the crash.
He doesn't want to stay on this gorgeous planet.
He doesn't want to enjoy the beauty all around him, doesn't want the sun or the happy ending. Doesn't want to be reminded of Kara every time he looks up at the sky.
*
"At least, this time, we'll get time for a goodbye, won't we?"
"I didn't know death had turned you mushy."
"Gods, you really are the worst asshole ever."
"Are you trying to flatter me?"
*
Two months after the Fleet reached Earth, all the civilians and most of the military have gone to the planet and found a place to live on the temporary settlement.
The Galactica is the only ship that still remains in orbit. His father hasn't shown any sign of planning on going down to Earth with the crew and Lee hasn't asked what the long term plan is.
He doesn't care, just as long as he can stay up here, away from the planet.
"You should have told me," his father says. It's the first time they've been alone since the civilians started to go down to the planet, the first few moments of free time they've been able to catch-a respite from the reports to read, the shuttles to pilot, the temporary infrastructures to build on the planet.
Lee knew this conversation was coming-he has been avoiding his father for weeks, hoping against hope that this moment would never come. He looks up from the report he was pretending to read, rubbing his eyes. It's almost surprising how raw the wound still feels, how deep it runs.
He can't think about anything else, day and night, and he's so tired of being in pain, so tired to trying to keep it together. He just wants life to stop. It may be weak, it may make him a coward, but after everything that happened, he doesn't think it's that much to ask.
"About Kara," his father adds.
Lee doesn't want to talk about Kara, about her death, about how her absence makes him feel like a piece of himself has been torn out. He doesn't want to talk about anything.
"Lee, you need to talk to someone. If it's not me, go to someone else, but you can't keep going like this."
Lee almost snorts. Just because he hasn't been able to eat a full meal in what feels like years, just because he can't sleep for more than two hours in a stretch, just because he looks like hell and snaps at anyone who dares talk to him, doesn't mean he wants to have a heart-to-heart with his old man.
His father is waiting for him to say something and Lee sighs, weary beyond words. "What should I have told you?" he asks. "That your CAG was frakking one of his pilots, or that your son was frakking his brother's ex fiancée?"
"That you loved her."
The words are like so many punches to the gut, and Lee finds himself physically recoiling, trying not to hurl at his father's feet.
"Lee-"
"Don't," he pleads. He doesn't want compassion, understanding or pity.
He doesn't want anything anymore.
Promise me.
His father's hand comes to rest on his forearm and the touch hurts. When's the last time anyone tried to touch him, reach out to him, offer him comfort?
"Don't," he repeats, his voice reduced to a strained whisper.
His father ignores him, squeezes his arm tighter while Lee blinks and breathes in and hopes that he's not going to start crying-not here, not in front of this man, not ever.
He can hear her voice again through the pain, teasing him. Magnificent bastard.
His sob is so harsh it hurts and Lee curls up on himself, head hanging low, arms wrapped around his midsection, fists clenched. His father has let go of him but Lee can feel him hovering nearby.
He closes his eyes and tries to think about nothing-and certainly not her smile, her competitive streak, the way she drove him mad, the way she knew exactly which buttons to push to exasperate him, how much he loved her, how much her absence hurts.
Promise me.
It takes him a long while to get himself under control, and even longer to raise his head and meet his father's gaze. When he finally does, his father hands him a glass of water and sits next to him.
Promise me.
He remembers her last breath and the terrifying moment that followed. The pain when he understood that it was over. How he took hold of the gun strapped to his thigh. How the only thing that held him back was the promise she had forced him to give.
I can't, Dad. Can't get over it, can't go on living. I just can't.
"Lee..." His father trails off.
Gods it hurts.
His father's hand comes to rest on his shoulder and Lee doesn't have the energy to shrug it off and walk out, doesn't have the energy to pretend that he'll be fine given time, that he feels even remotely capable of dealing with this loss.
I miss her.
They stay silent for a long time and it dawns on Lee how out of character it is for his father to actually make the first step, try to talk to him about something-especially when losing Kara must have hurt him as much as it did Lee.
Damn it, Kara.
"I miss her too," his father says at last.
"I know." Lee just wishes that sharing this pain would lessen it somewhat, but it's not the case. He doesn't think anything ever will make things easier, but he promised. And you knew I keep my promises, didn't you, Kara? You knew just how to manipulate me into going on. Frak you.
*
"You meant it, right? When you promised?"
"Yeah. Yes, I meant it."
"Good. Don't make me come back to kick your ass."
"Oh, wouldn't want that."
"Yes, you would."
"Yes. I would." Gods, I would.
*
Twelve months, to the day, after the Fleet reached Earth, Lee's father orders the remaining crew to leave the Galactica and go down to the planet. The ship remains in orbit, all systems shut down. Just in case.
She served the humans well, Lee thinks when he steps on the planet for the first time in months. By all rights, she shouldn't have been able to go so far, to fight so well.
Laura is waiting for them, smiling, eager to lead them to the settlement, eager to show them everything they have accomplished so far. Lee gestures at the crew to go with her, spotting the concern that flashes briefly in his father's eyes before they focus on the President again. No one comments when he heads in the direction of the crash, though.
The grass that was torn and burned when the Raptor impacted with the ground has grown back and Lee absently crouches down, cutting down a few strands. He rubs them between his fingers, enjoying the scent of them, the feeling on his skin.
The sky is just as blue as the day Kara died. He wonders if she would have adapted to life on Earth, if she would have dealt well with staying on the planet, or if she would have missed flying too much.
He wonders what she would be like now, after a year of peace.
He stays there long enough for his legs to grow stiff, long enough for the sun to change position. He doesn't feel like moving anymore. It's only when he sees a shadow fall to the ground that he realizes how much time has passed. "Lee?"
"Yeah." He stands up with difficulty, lets go of the grass, wipes his hand on his pants before turning to his father, who's looking at him with naked concern. "So, have you found a place to live, yet?" he asks to forestall any question.
His father shakes his head. "Not yet. I'm thinking it's been a while since I went hiking." He gestures at the mountains on the horizon. "According to Hotdog, there are good spots to camp up there. He's heading back with a couple of others, in a few days." He turns, meets Lee's eyes. "If you want to come…"
Promise me you'll live.
He heaves out a breath, taking one last look around before facing his father. Hiking sounds almost like heaven after months of living on the Galactica. "Yes, sure," he says, and he doesn't miss the relief on his father's face.
Together they leave the silent place behind and head to the settlement, making plans for the future.
end
Author : Helen C.
Rating : PG
Summary : A series of four unrelated, AU ficlets, exploring possible ways for the Fleet to find Earth (with unfortunate results, most times). In other words, four ways the show won't deal with that particular storyline.
Spoilers : Everything aired so far is fair game.
Disclaimer : The characters and the universe were created and are owned by Ronald D. Moore and Universal Television Studios to name but a few. No money is being made. No copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
AN. Many thanks to mick1997 for beta'ing this! As usual, I tinkered before posting; all remaining mistakes are mine.
AN2. Character death (no, not Lee. Not Bill either. Which leaves us with…)
Part Four
Helo,
In case this plan turns out to be as suicidally idiotic as I think it is, could you please make sure that my father gets this letter?
Lee Adama
*
"Look at us," Starbuck says, smiling almost challengingly under her helmet. "Apollo and Starbuck, out to save the human race again."
As it should be, Lee thinks but doesn't say. He doesn't want to spend the next eight hours in close quarters with Kara, listening to her teasing him about his romanticizing.
"Let's go," he says, and it's all he can do not to strangle her when she mock-snaps a salute. The trip is going to be very long indeed.
His heart is beating wildly in his chest as he steps into the Raptor. It has been months since he last got into a flight suit, months since he flew, and he hadn't realized until now how much he missed it.
"You still remember how to fly these things?" Kara asks, as if catching his thoughts. The way life has been going recently, Lee wouldn't surprised if that was just the case.
"I need to push the green button, don't I?" he asks, trying to sound stupid and bratty at the same time.
She snorts and shakes her head as she takes the pilot seat. "If we crash this thing, it'll be on your head."
He recognizes the metallic taste of fear on his tongue when the hatch closes. What are their chances of coming back? "Apollo and Starbuck, crashing a bird?" he says, a little proud that his voice doesn't shake. "Never happen."
*
…I'm sorry I left without saying goodbye, but let's face it, I've never been a very good liar. You would have known something was up…
*
"This is never, ever, going to work," Kara is chanting under her breath.
"I thought your plans never failed?" Lee says through gritted teeth, working hard to keep control of the Raptor they stole borrowed from the Galactica. "What happened to your everlasting optimism?"
She lets out a groan, then a biting, "It died with me, frakhead."
The harness keeps him strapped to his seat, anchoring him when nothing around him stays stable for more than a second. The hull is shaking with the stress of the entry into the atmosphere, the instruments are going crazy, and Lee doesn't see what else they can do; they used all their tricks and nothing works.
"I'm losing her," Kara yells, her tone frightened for the first time since they embarked on this ridiculous, self-appointed mission.
Lee's almost sorry he came, except for all the ways in which he's not.
"Apollo!" she calls.
"Trying," he shoots back, but he can tell they lost the battle a while ago.
*
…Kara has a plan and I think we need to try it…
*
"If we don't-" Lee starts just as their last thruster dies.
"Shut up and help me," she yells, and he does, thinking, Okay, so this was a bad idea.
*
…if all goes according to plan, we'll see each other on Earth…
*
The world has stopped spinning and Lee tries to catch his breath, dizzy from the descent and the crash.
"Kara?"
Her voice is weak when she replies, "Yeah?"
He turns his head to her and sees it-the piece of shrapnel caught in her abdomen, pinning her to the seat.
She's grimacing and chuckling at the same time. "Wow, that was something," she says, and he wants to yell at her to shut up, keep quiet and let him help, but his voice doesn't work.
"It's okay," she says. "I always knew it wouldn't last long." She smiles at him. "I died, Lee. It's not like anyone can cheat death for very long."
You did, he thinks. You did, time and time again, every time you climbed into that Viper.
Don't give up now.
"It's okay," she repeats. "It's okay."
*
…it took some… convincing to get Baltar to help us, as you can imagine…
*
The virus seems to have worked-which is both horrifying and strangely comforting, because damn it, after years of playing hide and seek with the damn toasters, Lee was more than ready for a victory.
"Holy frak," Kara groans as she tries to shift in her seat.
"Don't move," Lee says. He wants to scream-being so close to her and not being to help is driving him insane.
"How are your legs?" Kara asks, eyes closed.
"Still can't feel them." Which might mean anything, from simple lack of blood circulation from the way they're trapped to spinal injury.
She swallows audibly. "Well, at least, we made it."
"Yeah. We made it."
Of course, not everything went according to plan. When they left on this little adventure to check that the Cylons were dead, they hit a pocket of resistance. The Cylons were obviously dying, but they were still alive enough to damage the Raptor.
Still, Lee and Kara were almost lucky. They jumped to Earth (and Kara was right; it's beautiful, seen from orbit). They survived the crash. Now, it's all a matter of waiting for the cavalry.
*
…Tyrol and Sam volunteered when Kara talked to them…
*
"Think they'll be here soon?" Kara asks, eyes closed.
"I hope so." They better hurry. I can't lose you again.
She reaches over, pats his arm.
"Look at the sky," she breathes. "It's amazing."
"Yeah." Lee raises his head enough to see the blue sky and the clouds softly drifting their way up north. "Yeah, it is."
He takes hold of her hand and doesn't let go. He got rid of the gloves at some point (maybe it should worry him that he doesn't remember clearly doing so, but he's past caring), and her skin is cold against his.
*
…in case all doesn't go according to plan, it's been an honor serving with you, Dad…
*
Lee sees the first Raptor landing, not far from where he and Kara crashed.
"It worked," he tells Kara.
She doesn't reply.
Of course, she doesn't reply.
It seems like a long time passes before Helo and Hotdog get near enough that he can recognize them, and Lee wishes they'd hurry up, wishes they'd never get here, wishes he could do something, anything but sit here, trapped.
"They're here," he says.
Kara's fingers are still cold but he doesn't want to let go of her hand.
"It worked," he repeats. "You were right." There, I said it. Enjoy it. You were right. Kara Thrace was right. You always enjoyed boasting.
Then, he closes his eyes against the burn, swallows painfully and waits.
*
…your son, Lee…
*
"It was the final five," Lee tells his father, once they're alone in sickbay. Cottle has just spent twenty minutes telling Lee everything that's wrong with him, but it all boils down to the fact that he was lucky and he'll walk again, eventually.
Lee knows he should be more freaked out than he is-he still can't feel his legs or his back and he knows it'll probably hurt like hell when he does-but he can't summon the energy for anything.
The Fleet reached Earth jut fine, Baltar's virus got rid of the Cylons just fine, Kara's plan worked just fine and Lee wonders if maybe, now wouldn't be a good time to give up the fight and die, and join her and Zak and the rest of the Colonies. Damn, but losing her this time hurts even more than the first time, and he wouldn't have thought it was possible.
His father nods in silence, encouraging him to continue.
"Well, two of them." Lee looks down at his hands. They're cold; they've been cold ever since he let go of Kara. "Anders and Tyrol." He takes a breath. "I've never known all the specifics. It was Kara's thing. It was too dangerous for me to know." I didn't want to know. "They went back to the Cylons."
Out of the corner of his eye, he sees his father start. The two disappearances have caused a lot of speculation on the Fleet and Lee knows his father appointed Tigh to look into it back then.
"With the virus," Lee adds.
His father still isn't talking, and Lee closes his eyes, feeling sick.
He didn't want things to come to that, but they didn't have a choice; they couldn't see any other way to get rid of the enemy.
Nobody could see another way to get rid of the enemy.
Tyrol and Anders were adamant they wanted to do it.
Lee wonders if Kara stopped sleeping after sending them on this mission. Gods know Lee did, once he learned what happened to them.
*
Lee is staring at the sky-it's clear, with only a few white clouds here and there, their forms neatly defined against the blue. The sun is shining, they're in a valley and he can see mountains in the distance. He can see ice caps on some of them.
It's almost like paradise.
"Lee? When I die-"
"You're not going to-"
"Shut up and listen. When I die, you're not going to do anything stupid, are you?"
*
"According to the first surveys, we'll be able to build the first settlement a few miles from here," the President says, gesturing to the East. They're not far from where Lee and Kara's Raptor crashed-not far from where Kara is buried.
"Good," Lee's father says.
"Closer to the water, but not close enough that we'll need to worry about heavy rains causing floods. If there are heavy rains here."
Lee's father, every bit the efficient commander, totally in control, nods as he studies his surroundings before turning to face the President. Lee knows he read the reports several times over, and couldn't find anything wrong with the plan. This won't be a redo of New Caprica. This time, they're here to stay. This time, the Cylons won't catch them unaware and force them to flee again.
His father's next words bring him back to the present. "I'll stay in charge of the military for another year. Long enough to make sure there aren't any nasty surprises waiting for us." He looks at Lee, then back at the President. "Then, someone else will have to take charge."
She looks surprised, but not as much as Lee feels. "You're resigning?"
He smiles wryly. "I retired over three years ago," he replies.
And since then, you lost your kind-of-daughter, Lee adds inwardly.
"It's high time," his father says but Lee isn't listening anymore.
*
"Promise me you'll live."
"You're not going to die."
"Promise me. Lee? Promise me."
*
He can see some of the burn marks the crash left on the ground and he stares at them, mesmerized. They're the only scar left over by Kara's death, the only sign that she's buried nearby and not flying her Viper somewhere in orbit, driving everyone in CIC crazy with her banter and her insults to all the other pilots.
"Lee?"
Promise me.
He shakes off his thoughts when he feels a hand on his shoulder.
"Son. Let's go."
Lee follows his father without a word, his legs and back still stiff from the after-effects of the crash.
He doesn't want to stay on this gorgeous planet.
He doesn't want to enjoy the beauty all around him, doesn't want the sun or the happy ending. Doesn't want to be reminded of Kara every time he looks up at the sky.
*
"At least, this time, we'll get time for a goodbye, won't we?"
"I didn't know death had turned you mushy."
"Gods, you really are the worst asshole ever."
"Are you trying to flatter me?"
*
Two months after the Fleet reached Earth, all the civilians and most of the military have gone to the planet and found a place to live on the temporary settlement.
The Galactica is the only ship that still remains in orbit. His father hasn't shown any sign of planning on going down to Earth with the crew and Lee hasn't asked what the long term plan is.
He doesn't care, just as long as he can stay up here, away from the planet.
"You should have told me," his father says. It's the first time they've been alone since the civilians started to go down to the planet, the first few moments of free time they've been able to catch-a respite from the reports to read, the shuttles to pilot, the temporary infrastructures to build on the planet.
Lee knew this conversation was coming-he has been avoiding his father for weeks, hoping against hope that this moment would never come. He looks up from the report he was pretending to read, rubbing his eyes. It's almost surprising how raw the wound still feels, how deep it runs.
He can't think about anything else, day and night, and he's so tired of being in pain, so tired to trying to keep it together. He just wants life to stop. It may be weak, it may make him a coward, but after everything that happened, he doesn't think it's that much to ask.
"About Kara," his father adds.
Lee doesn't want to talk about Kara, about her death, about how her absence makes him feel like a piece of himself has been torn out. He doesn't want to talk about anything.
"Lee, you need to talk to someone. If it's not me, go to someone else, but you can't keep going like this."
Lee almost snorts. Just because he hasn't been able to eat a full meal in what feels like years, just because he can't sleep for more than two hours in a stretch, just because he looks like hell and snaps at anyone who dares talk to him, doesn't mean he wants to have a heart-to-heart with his old man.
His father is waiting for him to say something and Lee sighs, weary beyond words. "What should I have told you?" he asks. "That your CAG was frakking one of his pilots, or that your son was frakking his brother's ex fiancée?"
"That you loved her."
The words are like so many punches to the gut, and Lee finds himself physically recoiling, trying not to hurl at his father's feet.
"Lee-"
"Don't," he pleads. He doesn't want compassion, understanding or pity.
He doesn't want anything anymore.
Promise me.
His father's hand comes to rest on his forearm and the touch hurts. When's the last time anyone tried to touch him, reach out to him, offer him comfort?
"Don't," he repeats, his voice reduced to a strained whisper.
His father ignores him, squeezes his arm tighter while Lee blinks and breathes in and hopes that he's not going to start crying-not here, not in front of this man, not ever.
He can hear her voice again through the pain, teasing him. Magnificent bastard.
His sob is so harsh it hurts and Lee curls up on himself, head hanging low, arms wrapped around his midsection, fists clenched. His father has let go of him but Lee can feel him hovering nearby.
He closes his eyes and tries to think about nothing-and certainly not her smile, her competitive streak, the way she drove him mad, the way she knew exactly which buttons to push to exasperate him, how much he loved her, how much her absence hurts.
Promise me.
It takes him a long while to get himself under control, and even longer to raise his head and meet his father's gaze. When he finally does, his father hands him a glass of water and sits next to him.
Promise me.
He remembers her last breath and the terrifying moment that followed. The pain when he understood that it was over. How he took hold of the gun strapped to his thigh. How the only thing that held him back was the promise she had forced him to give.
I can't, Dad. Can't get over it, can't go on living. I just can't.
"Lee..." His father trails off.
Gods it hurts.
His father's hand comes to rest on his shoulder and Lee doesn't have the energy to shrug it off and walk out, doesn't have the energy to pretend that he'll be fine given time, that he feels even remotely capable of dealing with this loss.
I miss her.
They stay silent for a long time and it dawns on Lee how out of character it is for his father to actually make the first step, try to talk to him about something-especially when losing Kara must have hurt him as much as it did Lee.
Damn it, Kara.
"I miss her too," his father says at last.
"I know." Lee just wishes that sharing this pain would lessen it somewhat, but it's not the case. He doesn't think anything ever will make things easier, but he promised. And you knew I keep my promises, didn't you, Kara? You knew just how to manipulate me into going on. Frak you.
*
"You meant it, right? When you promised?"
"Yeah. Yes, I meant it."
"Good. Don't make me come back to kick your ass."
"Oh, wouldn't want that."
"Yes, you would."
"Yes. I would." Gods, I would.
*
Twelve months, to the day, after the Fleet reached Earth, Lee's father orders the remaining crew to leave the Galactica and go down to the planet. The ship remains in orbit, all systems shut down. Just in case.
She served the humans well, Lee thinks when he steps on the planet for the first time in months. By all rights, she shouldn't have been able to go so far, to fight so well.
Laura is waiting for them, smiling, eager to lead them to the settlement, eager to show them everything they have accomplished so far. Lee gestures at the crew to go with her, spotting the concern that flashes briefly in his father's eyes before they focus on the President again. No one comments when he heads in the direction of the crash, though.
The grass that was torn and burned when the Raptor impacted with the ground has grown back and Lee absently crouches down, cutting down a few strands. He rubs them between his fingers, enjoying the scent of them, the feeling on his skin.
The sky is just as blue as the day Kara died. He wonders if she would have adapted to life on Earth, if she would have dealt well with staying on the planet, or if she would have missed flying too much.
He wonders what she would be like now, after a year of peace.
He stays there long enough for his legs to grow stiff, long enough for the sun to change position. He doesn't feel like moving anymore. It's only when he sees a shadow fall to the ground that he realizes how much time has passed. "Lee?"
"Yeah." He stands up with difficulty, lets go of the grass, wipes his hand on his pants before turning to his father, who's looking at him with naked concern. "So, have you found a place to live, yet?" he asks to forestall any question.
His father shakes his head. "Not yet. I'm thinking it's been a while since I went hiking." He gestures at the mountains on the horizon. "According to Hotdog, there are good spots to camp up there. He's heading back with a couple of others, in a few days." He turns, meets Lee's eyes. "If you want to come…"
Promise me you'll live.
He heaves out a breath, taking one last look around before facing his father. Hiking sounds almost like heaven after months of living on the Galactica. "Yes, sure," he says, and he doesn't miss the relief on his father's face.
Together they leave the silent place behind and head to the settlement, making plans for the future.
end