BSG Fic: Untitled (5/8)
Title: The One Where Lee... (5/8)
Author:
helen_c
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: The characters and the universe were created and are owned by Ronald D. Moore and Universal Television Studios to name but a few. No money is being made. No copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Chapter 4
Battlestar Galactica
108 days after leaving New Caprica's orbit
It was too late to make any changes to the plans but that didn't stop Bill from studying his notes again, trying to make sure that they had thought about every alternative, every possibility, every problem that could arise.
The orders had been given out, the Pegasus had jumped away with the rest of the Fleet, Athena was on her way to New Caprica.
It was too late to change plans or even to keep on perfecting them.
We're really doing this.
Gods, they needed this to work.
If it didn't, they would have lost all reason to continue-assuming they lived.
Bill wasn't scared, though.
The odds against them didn't matter.
His men were ready.
He was ready.
And he was going to get his son back if it killed him.
We're coming.
It had taken them a long time and a lot of hard work, but finally, they had a plan-something that stood a chance of success, something that was more like a desperate attempt at kicking some toaster ass, and less like a suicide run.
It had to work.
They couldn't afford to fail.
We're coming.
*
Battlestar Galactica
26 days after the fall of the colonies
It took Saul twenty-four hours before he asked, "What makes you so sure he's not a Cylon?"
Bill was surprised it took that long.
The only honest reply to that was that he couldn't be certain, and Bill prepared himself for the battle that was sure to follow. "He's not a machine," he said.
"You can't be sure." Saul looked furious, though it was hard to tell why. "Think with your head on this one. You have to admit that it's possible, if nothing else."
"I don't have to do anything," Bill replied, only belatedly realizing that it was the first time he talked to Saul that way-cold and remote, like his friend was an undisciplined soldier, not the man who kept this ship running and had been doing so for years. "For frak's sake, just because it's a coincidence doesn't mean that he's the enemy."
Saul didn't reply, merely looking at him, like his silence would be more effective than any words.
It was.
If Saul had tried to argue, Bill could have fought back. But what could he answer to that silence, except, "What do you want me to do?" He hated it, but he couldn't afford Saul to take the lead on this one-his XO was nowhere near ready to relieve him, but he would if he thought it was best. Bill wouldn't have chosen him if he had doubted it.
Roslin was sure to hear about Lee's existence soon, as well. The Fleet was too small, and too eager for news of any kind, for her to remain oblivious very long. Would she jump to the same conclusion Saul had?
It was frighteningly likely.
Saul sighed. "There's Baltar's test."
"We're not sure it's reliable." But it's the best we have.
Damn.
Lee wasn't going to take it well. Who would?
Unfortunately, there was no way to let this go; the Fleet at large didn't know that Cylons looked human yet. When they heard about it, what would they do? There were many ways this could go wrong; Lee being on the wrong side of unwarranted suspicions and ending up in a crossfire was one easily avoidable.
"We'd have to tell him that Cylons look human now," he thought out loud. And we were planning on keeping that to ourselves a while longer. Would Lee keep the secret if we asked him-if I asked him?
Saul shrugged. "If he's a Cylon, it won't matter. If he's human, tell him we order him to keep it to himself." He snorted. "Or better yet, tell him the President orders him to keep quiet about it, and that it's a matter of Fleet security. She's a civilian, he ought to listen to her, right?"
Maybe.
Maybe not.
Roslin did seem popular enough amongst the Fleet, from what very little he knew. It couldn't mean that every civilian believed everything that came out of her mouth, though.
The only thing he could do, however, was try.
It would also (and he hated himself for even thinking that) show the kind of man his son had become.
*
Bill had never been a man to delay the unavoidable-at least not when it came to doing his duty as a soldier.
The next time he saw Lee, he started with, "Cylons can look human."
His son took in the news, his emotions clear on his face-surprise, shock, then understanding. And, if Bill wasn't mistaken, a hint of anger.
"Okay," he said in a tense voice. "Why not tell it to the population?"
"We're going to." He wondered if Lee was going to think of what it implied for him on his own, or if he was going to have to come out and tell him. "But we want to make sure of a few things before we do that. We don't want people to panic, or start accusing one another and starting witch hunts."
Lee looked away, his mouth pinched in a grimace. "You think I'm a Cylon."
"Believe me, if anyone seriously thought you were a Cylon, we wouldn't be having this discussion in my quarters and without guards."
The fact that Saul didn't know he was meeting Lee now, and alone, probably had a lot to do with the absence of Marines, but Lee didn't have to know that.
This was the one thing he could do, as a way of showing Lee that he trusted him, even if some others didn't.
"I haven't felt the uncontrollable urge to genocide my fellow human recently, if that's any indication," Lee said sharply.
That sounded like something Lee would have said when he was fifteen.
He's not a Cylon.
Frak, he's my son.
What am I doing?
"My XO and the President find it a little surprising that you survived when so many others didn't." So do I, but on this one, I'll just thank the gods and move on.
"The same could be said about everyone else who survived," Lee pointed out. "You think I'm a Cylon because I was lucky enough to be away from the colonies when the Cylons attacked? I've spent the last seven years on a ship, going from one planet to another. So have you. And you survived too. That's pretty damn coincidental as well."
"We can't afford to ignore the possibility," Bill said, hoping Lee would understand. "As a father, I don't doubt that you're my son." He couldn't read Lee's expression and forced himself to continue, "Everyone will be tested eventually. You'll just be one of the first. As will be the President, myself, all my senior officers-"
"Good company," Lee quipped. Then, he frowned. "Tested?" he repeated.
"Cylon detector test."
"Never heard of it," Lee said.
"It's just been conceived."
"So how do you know it works?"
Bill was about to say that he trusted the man who had done the job, but that would have been a lie.
His instincts had catalogued Baltar as someone not to be trusted the second he had seen him. He'd work with the man if he had to, but he wouldn't turn his back on him.
"It's the best we have," he said, aware that he was asking his son a lot. Baltar assured him that the test was conclusive, but there was no way to be sure.
Lee snorted, bit back a retort and said, "Fine. What do I have to do?"
It may have been a victory, but it felt like defeat.
The damn toasters are doing it. They're making us doubt everything. Making us check behind our shoulders, in dark corners. Making us distrust those we shouldn't.
They're winning.
Again.
*
Battlestar Galactica
28 days after the fall of the colonies
Baltar had a sample of Lee's blood and Lee was on his way back to the Carina before Saul even learned that he had been on board.
He yelled for a while-not at Bill, per se; even he wouldn't have done that. So, instead, he took out his frustration on bulkheads and pieces of furniture, talking to them like they were responsible for the situation.
It didn't matter.
The test came back negative, and Bill allowed himself relax a little. Not that he had ever doubted that his son was anything but what he seemed to be, of course. Still, once the idea had been planted, it had been hard to ignore it.
They're winning, he thought again. And there's nothing we can do about it. Try to appeal to people's common sense, and hope that reason will prevail? He didn't have that kind of faith in humanity.
He hoped that at least, the results of the test would make things more simple with Lee.
He should have remembered that things were never easy with Lee. That much hadn't changed with the years.
Talking with Lee had always been difficult, even when they shared a past, a life, a house, a family.
Now, it was damn near impossible.
*
Battlestar Galactica
30 days after the fall of the colonies
"What do you want from me?" Lee asked.
He looked exhausted-the last twenty-four hours had seen three Cylon attacks and the Fleet had lost one civilian ship, four Vipers and two Raptors.
Maybe they shouldn't have met when they were both tired and on edge, but when weren't they tired and on edge?
"Do you want me to join the army, to tell you about my life, to get the hell out of here and never come back? What? What do you want me to do?"
They kept coming back to this.
Neither of them could find a way to go back to the way it was. Hell, Lee didn't even want to go back to the way it was.
What did they mean to one another in this new world?
"I want you to be a part of my life," Bill said. "Anything else is irrelevant."
Lee seemed skeptical. "You're the Commander of the Fleet. I'd say lots of things in your life are relevant."
Do you really think I've cared about much of anything since your brother's death? Bill wanted to ask. Do you think I'm going to do the same mistake again?
But it wasn't the point. His sons were young when he left home. They needed him, and he wasn't around to see them struggle, wasn't around to see the signs that Lee just couldn't face his problems any more.
Things were different now. Lee had his own life, one where his father didn't have a place any more.
Lee sighed at his lack of response. "I think we should just…"
"Wait and see what happens?" Bill said dryly.
"What else?" Lee looked at him. "For all you know, you won't like me, once you know me better."
Bill swallowed back a laugh. "You're my son."
"No, I'm not." Lee got to his feet, agitated. "You're the only one who still remembers the kid I used to be. I sure as hell don't. I'm not him any more." In a low voice, he added, "I can't answer your questions. I can't tell you why he ran away, why he never contacted you. I can't tell you what he thought about you."
He's gone.
Bill sighed. What could he say? That he didn't crave some answers? Lee would have seen straight through the lie. "I know." He felt a little heavier, having admitted defeat after years of hoping, but such was the price he had to pay for his past mistakes. Such was the price he had to pay to get to know his son now-let go of the one he hadn't known well enough, the one he had lost ten years ago. "But you're still my son. I want to know you"
Lee hung his head, suddenly looking tired. "Yeah." He looked up, gathering his resolve. "Okay."
It sounded like a question but Bill took the opening, praying it would get better after this first step.
*
It didn't.
Of course, it didn't.
From the moment they met to the moment when Lee decided to settle down on New Caprica, their relationship remained frozen in that state of uncertainty, taking one step forward for three or four steps back.
Always keeping their distance.
Always avoiding talking about the past.
Always hoping that tomorrow would be better, easier.
Always waiting for something to happen and show them how to be a family again.
Chapter 5
Author:
helen_c
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: The characters and the universe were created and are owned by Ronald D. Moore and Universal Television Studios to name but a few. No money is being made. No copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Chapter 4
Battlestar Galactica
108 days after leaving New Caprica's orbit
It was too late to make any changes to the plans but that didn't stop Bill from studying his notes again, trying to make sure that they had thought about every alternative, every possibility, every problem that could arise.
The orders had been given out, the Pegasus had jumped away with the rest of the Fleet, Athena was on her way to New Caprica.
It was too late to change plans or even to keep on perfecting them.
We're really doing this.
Gods, they needed this to work.
If it didn't, they would have lost all reason to continue-assuming they lived.
Bill wasn't scared, though.
The odds against them didn't matter.
His men were ready.
He was ready.
And he was going to get his son back if it killed him.
We're coming.
It had taken them a long time and a lot of hard work, but finally, they had a plan-something that stood a chance of success, something that was more like a desperate attempt at kicking some toaster ass, and less like a suicide run.
It had to work.
They couldn't afford to fail.
We're coming.
*
Battlestar Galactica
26 days after the fall of the colonies
It took Saul twenty-four hours before he asked, "What makes you so sure he's not a Cylon?"
Bill was surprised it took that long.
The only honest reply to that was that he couldn't be certain, and Bill prepared himself for the battle that was sure to follow. "He's not a machine," he said.
"You can't be sure." Saul looked furious, though it was hard to tell why. "Think with your head on this one. You have to admit that it's possible, if nothing else."
"I don't have to do anything," Bill replied, only belatedly realizing that it was the first time he talked to Saul that way-cold and remote, like his friend was an undisciplined soldier, not the man who kept this ship running and had been doing so for years. "For frak's sake, just because it's a coincidence doesn't mean that he's the enemy."
Saul didn't reply, merely looking at him, like his silence would be more effective than any words.
It was.
If Saul had tried to argue, Bill could have fought back. But what could he answer to that silence, except, "What do you want me to do?" He hated it, but he couldn't afford Saul to take the lead on this one-his XO was nowhere near ready to relieve him, but he would if he thought it was best. Bill wouldn't have chosen him if he had doubted it.
Roslin was sure to hear about Lee's existence soon, as well. The Fleet was too small, and too eager for news of any kind, for her to remain oblivious very long. Would she jump to the same conclusion Saul had?
It was frighteningly likely.
Saul sighed. "There's Baltar's test."
"We're not sure it's reliable." But it's the best we have.
Damn.
Lee wasn't going to take it well. Who would?
Unfortunately, there was no way to let this go; the Fleet at large didn't know that Cylons looked human yet. When they heard about it, what would they do? There were many ways this could go wrong; Lee being on the wrong side of unwarranted suspicions and ending up in a crossfire was one easily avoidable.
"We'd have to tell him that Cylons look human now," he thought out loud. And we were planning on keeping that to ourselves a while longer. Would Lee keep the secret if we asked him-if I asked him?
Saul shrugged. "If he's a Cylon, it won't matter. If he's human, tell him we order him to keep it to himself." He snorted. "Or better yet, tell him the President orders him to keep quiet about it, and that it's a matter of Fleet security. She's a civilian, he ought to listen to her, right?"
Maybe.
Maybe not.
Roslin did seem popular enough amongst the Fleet, from what very little he knew. It couldn't mean that every civilian believed everything that came out of her mouth, though.
The only thing he could do, however, was try.
It would also (and he hated himself for even thinking that) show the kind of man his son had become.
*
Bill had never been a man to delay the unavoidable-at least not when it came to doing his duty as a soldier.
The next time he saw Lee, he started with, "Cylons can look human."
His son took in the news, his emotions clear on his face-surprise, shock, then understanding. And, if Bill wasn't mistaken, a hint of anger.
"Okay," he said in a tense voice. "Why not tell it to the population?"
"We're going to." He wondered if Lee was going to think of what it implied for him on his own, or if he was going to have to come out and tell him. "But we want to make sure of a few things before we do that. We don't want people to panic, or start accusing one another and starting witch hunts."
Lee looked away, his mouth pinched in a grimace. "You think I'm a Cylon."
"Believe me, if anyone seriously thought you were a Cylon, we wouldn't be having this discussion in my quarters and without guards."
The fact that Saul didn't know he was meeting Lee now, and alone, probably had a lot to do with the absence of Marines, but Lee didn't have to know that.
This was the one thing he could do, as a way of showing Lee that he trusted him, even if some others didn't.
"I haven't felt the uncontrollable urge to genocide my fellow human recently, if that's any indication," Lee said sharply.
That sounded like something Lee would have said when he was fifteen.
He's not a Cylon.
Frak, he's my son.
What am I doing?
"My XO and the President find it a little surprising that you survived when so many others didn't." So do I, but on this one, I'll just thank the gods and move on.
"The same could be said about everyone else who survived," Lee pointed out. "You think I'm a Cylon because I was lucky enough to be away from the colonies when the Cylons attacked? I've spent the last seven years on a ship, going from one planet to another. So have you. And you survived too. That's pretty damn coincidental as well."
"We can't afford to ignore the possibility," Bill said, hoping Lee would understand. "As a father, I don't doubt that you're my son." He couldn't read Lee's expression and forced himself to continue, "Everyone will be tested eventually. You'll just be one of the first. As will be the President, myself, all my senior officers-"
"Good company," Lee quipped. Then, he frowned. "Tested?" he repeated.
"Cylon detector test."
"Never heard of it," Lee said.
"It's just been conceived."
"So how do you know it works?"
Bill was about to say that he trusted the man who had done the job, but that would have been a lie.
His instincts had catalogued Baltar as someone not to be trusted the second he had seen him. He'd work with the man if he had to, but he wouldn't turn his back on him.
"It's the best we have," he said, aware that he was asking his son a lot. Baltar assured him that the test was conclusive, but there was no way to be sure.
Lee snorted, bit back a retort and said, "Fine. What do I have to do?"
It may have been a victory, but it felt like defeat.
The damn toasters are doing it. They're making us doubt everything. Making us check behind our shoulders, in dark corners. Making us distrust those we shouldn't.
They're winning.
Again.
*
Battlestar Galactica
28 days after the fall of the colonies
Baltar had a sample of Lee's blood and Lee was on his way back to the Carina before Saul even learned that he had been on board.
He yelled for a while-not at Bill, per se; even he wouldn't have done that. So, instead, he took out his frustration on bulkheads and pieces of furniture, talking to them like they were responsible for the situation.
It didn't matter.
The test came back negative, and Bill allowed himself relax a little. Not that he had ever doubted that his son was anything but what he seemed to be, of course. Still, once the idea had been planted, it had been hard to ignore it.
They're winning, he thought again. And there's nothing we can do about it. Try to appeal to people's common sense, and hope that reason will prevail? He didn't have that kind of faith in humanity.
He hoped that at least, the results of the test would make things more simple with Lee.
He should have remembered that things were never easy with Lee. That much hadn't changed with the years.
Talking with Lee had always been difficult, even when they shared a past, a life, a house, a family.
Now, it was damn near impossible.
*
Battlestar Galactica
30 days after the fall of the colonies
"What do you want from me?" Lee asked.
He looked exhausted-the last twenty-four hours had seen three Cylon attacks and the Fleet had lost one civilian ship, four Vipers and two Raptors.
Maybe they shouldn't have met when they were both tired and on edge, but when weren't they tired and on edge?
"Do you want me to join the army, to tell you about my life, to get the hell out of here and never come back? What? What do you want me to do?"
They kept coming back to this.
Neither of them could find a way to go back to the way it was. Hell, Lee didn't even want to go back to the way it was.
What did they mean to one another in this new world?
"I want you to be a part of my life," Bill said. "Anything else is irrelevant."
Lee seemed skeptical. "You're the Commander of the Fleet. I'd say lots of things in your life are relevant."
Do you really think I've cared about much of anything since your brother's death? Bill wanted to ask. Do you think I'm going to do the same mistake again?
But it wasn't the point. His sons were young when he left home. They needed him, and he wasn't around to see them struggle, wasn't around to see the signs that Lee just couldn't face his problems any more.
Things were different now. Lee had his own life, one where his father didn't have a place any more.
Lee sighed at his lack of response. "I think we should just…"
"Wait and see what happens?" Bill said dryly.
"What else?" Lee looked at him. "For all you know, you won't like me, once you know me better."
Bill swallowed back a laugh. "You're my son."
"No, I'm not." Lee got to his feet, agitated. "You're the only one who still remembers the kid I used to be. I sure as hell don't. I'm not him any more." In a low voice, he added, "I can't answer your questions. I can't tell you why he ran away, why he never contacted you. I can't tell you what he thought about you."
He's gone.
Bill sighed. What could he say? That he didn't crave some answers? Lee would have seen straight through the lie. "I know." He felt a little heavier, having admitted defeat after years of hoping, but such was the price he had to pay for his past mistakes. Such was the price he had to pay to get to know his son now-let go of the one he hadn't known well enough, the one he had lost ten years ago. "But you're still my son. I want to know you"
Lee hung his head, suddenly looking tired. "Yeah." He looked up, gathering his resolve. "Okay."
It sounded like a question but Bill took the opening, praying it would get better after this first step.
*
It didn't.
Of course, it didn't.
From the moment they met to the moment when Lee decided to settle down on New Caprica, their relationship remained frozen in that state of uncertainty, taking one step forward for three or four steps back.
Always keeping their distance.
Always avoiding talking about the past.
Always hoping that tomorrow would be better, easier.
Always waiting for something to happen and show them how to be a family again.
Chapter 5