For Every Good Memory (3/5)
Because cheekymice asked nicely, and because she's having a bad day, and also because I'm trying to guilt her into updating Accidental Hero, here's
Title : For Every Good Memory
Author : Helen C.
Rating : I'd say R (M) for language, but of course, I suck at rating stuff.
Summary : Ryan's relationship with his brother was too complicated to talk about -- a series of five drabbles that are *way* too long to actually be called drabbles, so perhaps I should say, a series of five *very* short stories.
Spoilers : Everything up to The Dearly Beloved.
Disclaimer : The characters and the universe were created and are owned by Josh Schwartz. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Eternal gratitude to joey51 for her help on this.
Part Three
"This place is fucking incredible," Trey said, sitting on the sand next to Ryan.
Ryan nodded his assent. He still couldn't believe Newport, either. "Tell me about it," he said, thinking about the convoluted chain of events that led the Atwood brothers to this place, at this time.
Two years ago, they were smoking pot and trying to convince Dawn to ditch AJ.
Today, here they were, Newport's bad boy and Newport's newest ex-convict, and they had found a family that didn't seem to mind where they came from, that wanted to give them a chance.
Ryan wondered if Trey found it as incredible as he had, when he had first arrived here.
He wondered if Trey was as overwhelmed as he had been. As anxious to make it work.
He didn't know how to ask without sounding like an ass, though. He couldn't ask Trey not to mess things up for him, not after Trey had gone to jail partly because of Ryan.
Ryan had read about survivor's guilt, and sometimes he felt stupid, because there was no denying that he suffered from it.
Sandy joked sometimes that Ryan could do anything he put his mind to, so why not be a lawyer? "After all, you know where those kids come from. They'd listen to you."
Ryan had never had the heart to tell Sandy that he would never be able to defend kids like himself. He wouldn't be able to stand watching them get lost in the system, wouldn't be able to stand watching them go back to their families.
It would break his heart, and he had suffered enough.
He wouldn't be able to resist taking all of them home with him, and most of them would screw him over, and Ryan still wouldn't stop, because yes, he had this desperate need to save people.
Before Newport, that need probably came from the fact that he knew what it was to need help and not get it.
Now that he had been helped, now that he had been saved, he wanted to pay it forward, because he felt vaguely guilty when he thought about all these people who deserved help just as much as he did, and who no one ever thought about.
"This lawyer of yours, Sandy…" Trey started, breaking the uncomfortable silence.
"Yeah?"
"He… Why did he…?" Trey swallowed and met Ryan's eyes. "He didn't make you do anything you didn't want to, right?"
Ryan took a moment to understand what Trey was asking him. When he did, the answer came out, fast and loud, like a gunshot. "No! Never."
He bit back an angry comment. Trey had left him alone with Steve, even though he knew as well as Ryan did that the man was bad news, and here he came, thinking that Sandy was the same kind of man Steve had been.
"Sorry," Trey said. "I just… I was worried, and there wasn't anything I could do about it, and I knew no one was here to watch your back."
"Not the first time there wasn't anyone around to watch my back," Ryan snapped.
Trey flinched and closed his eyes, and Ryan would have loved to think that this was an act, that Trey was acting more upset than he was to make Ryan feel bad, but Trey wasn't like that.
"Sorry," he said.
"Don't," Trey said. "I shouldn't have left you there with him."
"It's done." Ryan shrugged. Trey had been young then, and put in an impossible situation, and had dealt with it the only way he knew how.
"I'm glad," Trey said.
"For what?"
"That you found a family that was worth it."
Ryan looked at Trey, studying him, but Trey seemed sincere. Ryan relaxed slightly. "Thanks."
There was a short silence, then Ryan offered, "They'll give you a chance too, you know."
Trey scoffed, "Yeah, right."
"They will," Ryan insisted. "They're worried, but they will. They're like that."
"I don't get it," Trey said.
Ryan could sympathize. Even after two years, the Cohens still baffled him. "Neither do I. It's just who they are."
Night had fallen when the Atwood brothers finally made their way back to the house.
Part Four
Now, Cheeky. Ryan. Cody. *Gun*
Please?
Begging here...
Title : For Every Good Memory
Author : Helen C.
Rating : I'd say R (M) for language, but of course, I suck at rating stuff.
Summary : Ryan's relationship with his brother was too complicated to talk about -- a series of five drabbles that are *way* too long to actually be called drabbles, so perhaps I should say, a series of five *very* short stories.
Spoilers : Everything up to The Dearly Beloved.
Disclaimer : The characters and the universe were created and are owned by Josh Schwartz. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Eternal gratitude to joey51 for her help on this.
Part Three
"This place is fucking incredible," Trey said, sitting on the sand next to Ryan.
Ryan nodded his assent. He still couldn't believe Newport, either. "Tell me about it," he said, thinking about the convoluted chain of events that led the Atwood brothers to this place, at this time.
Two years ago, they were smoking pot and trying to convince Dawn to ditch AJ.
Today, here they were, Newport's bad boy and Newport's newest ex-convict, and they had found a family that didn't seem to mind where they came from, that wanted to give them a chance.
Ryan wondered if Trey found it as incredible as he had, when he had first arrived here.
He wondered if Trey was as overwhelmed as he had been. As anxious to make it work.
He didn't know how to ask without sounding like an ass, though. He couldn't ask Trey not to mess things up for him, not after Trey had gone to jail partly because of Ryan.
Ryan had read about survivor's guilt, and sometimes he felt stupid, because there was no denying that he suffered from it.
Sandy joked sometimes that Ryan could do anything he put his mind to, so why not be a lawyer? "After all, you know where those kids come from. They'd listen to you."
Ryan had never had the heart to tell Sandy that he would never be able to defend kids like himself. He wouldn't be able to stand watching them get lost in the system, wouldn't be able to stand watching them go back to their families.
It would break his heart, and he had suffered enough.
He wouldn't be able to resist taking all of them home with him, and most of them would screw him over, and Ryan still wouldn't stop, because yes, he had this desperate need to save people.
Before Newport, that need probably came from the fact that he knew what it was to need help and not get it.
Now that he had been helped, now that he had been saved, he wanted to pay it forward, because he felt vaguely guilty when he thought about all these people who deserved help just as much as he did, and who no one ever thought about.
"This lawyer of yours, Sandy…" Trey started, breaking the uncomfortable silence.
"Yeah?"
"He… Why did he…?" Trey swallowed and met Ryan's eyes. "He didn't make you do anything you didn't want to, right?"
Ryan took a moment to understand what Trey was asking him. When he did, the answer came out, fast and loud, like a gunshot. "No! Never."
He bit back an angry comment. Trey had left him alone with Steve, even though he knew as well as Ryan did that the man was bad news, and here he came, thinking that Sandy was the same kind of man Steve had been.
"Sorry," Trey said. "I just… I was worried, and there wasn't anything I could do about it, and I knew no one was here to watch your back."
"Not the first time there wasn't anyone around to watch my back," Ryan snapped.
Trey flinched and closed his eyes, and Ryan would have loved to think that this was an act, that Trey was acting more upset than he was to make Ryan feel bad, but Trey wasn't like that.
"Sorry," he said.
"Don't," Trey said. "I shouldn't have left you there with him."
"It's done." Ryan shrugged. Trey had been young then, and put in an impossible situation, and had dealt with it the only way he knew how.
"I'm glad," Trey said.
"For what?"
"That you found a family that was worth it."
Ryan looked at Trey, studying him, but Trey seemed sincere. Ryan relaxed slightly. "Thanks."
There was a short silence, then Ryan offered, "They'll give you a chance too, you know."
Trey scoffed, "Yeah, right."
"They will," Ryan insisted. "They're worried, but they will. They're like that."
"I don't get it," Trey said.
Ryan could sympathize. Even after two years, the Cohens still baffled him. "Neither do I. It's just who they are."
Night had fallen when the Atwood brothers finally made their way back to the house.
Part Four
Now, Cheeky. Ryan. Cody. *Gun*
Please?
Begging here...