Fork In The Road (7/9)
Title : Fork In The Road
Author : Helen C.
Rating : R (M)
Summary : AU. Dawn never left in the Pilot, and Ryan came back to Chino for a while. Years later, he and Seth meet in Los Angeles.
Spoilers : Everything is fair game.
Disclaimer : The characters and the universe were created and are owned by Josh Schwartz. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
joey51 stayed up until some ungodly hour in the night to beta this, and that's one of the many reasons why she's the best beta ever. :) Thanks, Joey!
Chapter 7
As per usual, Seth is already waiting in front of the TV when Ryan comes home.
It has been three months since their first night together and Ryan still feels simultaneously unsurprised and astonished that Seth still keeps coming, still keeps calling, still wants to see him.
Try as he might, Ryan still waits for the other shoe to drop-sometimes, it feels like he has spent his entire life waiting for things to get from bad to worse, and he wonders if he'll ever stop feeling that way. He doubts it-he has spent years in Austin, and he's still surprised when Michael calls him to check that he's fine. He has spent three months seeing Seth every day, and he still expects that eventually, one day, he'll come home and Seth won't be there.
"You okay?" Seth asks, following Ryan when he heads straight for the bedroom.
"God, that was a fucking awful day," Ryan moans, flopping on the bed and laying there, head buried in the pillow.
If he has anything to say about it, he won't move again until tomorrow morning, and perhaps not even then.
"Bad day at the office, then?" Seth asks.
At Ryan's grunt, Seth goes on, "Wow, you're doing your Neanderthal. Must have been worse than just bad."
Ryan turns his head a little so he can answer, "Three guys home sick with the flu, big boss on the site, and lots of heavy lifting for everyone."
His back is killing him, he has had a headache for hours now, and he thinks his legs will soon make him pay for the workout he gave them earlier.
"Harsh," Seth sympathizes. Ryan closes his eyes, enjoying the silence that follows.
"So, does that mean no sex tonight?"
This time, Seth sounds truly sad and disappointed, and Ryan laughs silently for a few seconds. "I'm glad you find me so irresistible that you can't even go one night without," he says. "But, well..."
Seth pouts, lying down next to Ryan. "Bad boss of yours," he says. "I'm gonna have to file a complaint or something."
Ryan nods. "You do that. I'm sure he'll be delighted to know that he needs to cut me some slack so I can satisfy your needy nature at night."
"Needy nature?"
"Hey, I'm not the one begging," Ryan points out.
Seth studies him for a moment, before nodding to himself. "Okay. No, I see how it's going to be."
"Huh?" Ryan asks, a little worried by the strange gleam in Seth's eyes.
Seth seems to have a plan, and Ryan has heard enough stories to know that Seth's plans are usually worry-worthy.
"Seth, please, tell me you weren't seriously considering filling a complaint," he groans.
"Next best thing," Seth states proudly, wiggling his fingers at Ryan. "Massage."
"Seth…"
"And I won't even try to have my wicked way with you later," Seth adds brightly. "'Cause I'm selfless."
Ryan would shake his head, if he hadn't vowed not to move until tomorrow.
Only Seth…
Still, he has to admit, ten minutes later, Seth knows how use his hands to good effect. Ryan can feel the painful knots in his back untying under Seth's fingers, and he can't stop a soft moan.
"Told you I was good," Seth says.
"You said no such thing," Ryan retorts. Seth's hands leave his back, and Ryan hurries to add, "But yes, you're good."
Seth goes back to his massage, talking softly. "Magic fingers, I'm telling you. From now on, I'll just go by Fingers Cohen. No, wait, that's a terrible name. Huh…"
"Seth?" Ryan says, eyelids drooping.
"Yeah?"
"Less talking more rub-Ah!" he yells, as Seth attacks a particularly tense spot. Suddenly, Ryan doesn't feel so sleepy anymore.
"I think you're more vocal now than you ever are during sex," Seth says.
"Hm," Ryan replies, blushing softly, thanking heavens that Seth can't see his face.
Unsurprisingly, Seth straddling him with his hands on his back, and sporting an obvious hard-on, makes Ryan review his previous statement about not wanting to move.
Which, clearly, was all part of Seth's devious plan, and the strange gleam suddenly makes sense.
"Seth?"
"Yeah," Seth says, and there's a smile in his voice.
Ryan sighs. "Remember when I said no sex tonight?"
"You said no such thing," Seth points out. "You just implied it."
"Yeah, well…" Ryan stretches under Seth. "Keep that up a little while longer, and perhaps…"
"Great," Seth whispers victoriously. "But, just so we're clear, I am writing to your boss anyway."
"Don't talk about my boss now," Ryan growls.
"Good point."
***
"Don't you ever wish your life was different?" Seth asks one night.
Ryan's hands, which had been tracing lazy circles on Seth's stomach, cease their movements at Seth's question. Seth fights back the urge to beg Ryan to continue. Not that it's unpleasant in the least, but if Ryan goes on, one thing will lead to another, and they haven't left the bed since this morning, and they have taken three showers already-Thank God for Saturdays-and Seth kind of wants to have this discussion, now.
He has been thinking about it a lot, lately-about what he wants to do with his life, and how slowly he's getting there.
"Why?" Ryan asks at last.
Seth makes an effort to avoid sighing.
He likes Ryan a lot, but it's always such a battle to have a discussion with the guy.
It seems like Ryan always analyzes Seth's motives before answering any given question, and even when he does answer, he gives very little away. Seth assumes that Ryan is just trying to protect himself, and he understands that, but he still wishes that Ryan would be more open. Besides, he has to admit that after all this time, it hurts a little that Ryan feels the need to protect himself from *Seth.*
"I don't know," Seth says.
Ryan leans on an elbow then, his hand resting on Seth's chest, looking patient and curious.
"I kind of wish I was a world-famous comic writer," Seth admits. "Or a successful novelist. Or, you know, just… successful at anything, I guess."
"You're only starting to work," Ryan points out. "You have time to get famous."
Seth nods, thinking that it doesn't really help him to know that, not when his boss is an insufferable pain in the ass who likes to torture the youngest members of the team.
"Yeah, but… I guess I'm just wondering, that's all."
Ryan sighs and lies down, putting his hands behind his head, and Seth shakes himself from his depressed thoughts long enough to enjoy the show.
Ryan has obviously been working shirtless recently, if his toned skin is any indication.
And even though Seth wouldn't wish all the heavy lifting Ryan does on anyone, he can't deny that Ryan's muscles certainly make for a great view.
"Sometimes I wish I could build things," Ryan says. "Really build them, I mean-designing the plans, and supervising everything, instead of just doing it."
"Yeah?" Seth asks, glad that Ryan is talking.
"I guess I'd like to be able to leave something behind-something that people will still use, will still remember, long after I'm not here anymore."
Seth feels himself nod before Ryan even stops talking. "Exactly," he says. "Writing a book that'll get world-wide attention, or building huge houses that'll serve as shelter for several families… that would be…" He trails off.
Ryan sighs softly. "Nothing wrong with our ambition," he says. "I guess that's something."
"Sure," Seth agrees. "And don't you ever wonder what your life would be like, if you had made different choices, at some point?"
That's yet another thing that has been bugging Seth recently-would he be happier if he had learned to appreciate Newport, as his dad seems to have done? Would he be happier if he had given up and accepted his place in the Newport Group, instead of fighting tooth and nail to make a name for himself in the comic industry?
Would he be happier, if he was anyone but Seth Cohen?
And what would Ryan have become, if he had been able to use all his potential, instead of having to hide and to keep a low profile for so long that he now seems unable to go back to living in broad daylight?
When Ryan doesn't answer, Seth adds, "I wonder sometimes, what would have happened if I had ever asked Summer out. Or if I hadn't gone to the East Coast for College. Where would I be now?"
After another long stretch of silence, Ryan finally says, "I guess I wonder, sometimes, what would have happened. Not if I had stayed with my mom, because I'm pretty sure that wouldn't have ended well. But, what I would have become if I had found a friend to let me stay the night, when she kicked me out."
"Yeah," Seth says, thinking that perhaps, his dad would have found Ryan then, and helped him.
"But, I don't think my life would be better now," Ryan adds. "Perhaps the cops would have found me, perhaps I'd have spent two years in a group home, or in foster care, you know?"
Seth refrains from saying that no, he doesn't know-he has never known anyone who didn't have a family to rely on, not even in college, and he still can't imagine what that must be like.
Days like this, when he allows himself to think about it, Seth is really happy that this Michael existed, and took care of Ryan.
Days like this, he thinks that his parents, at least, love him-and while he doesn't agree with the way they forced him to stay in Newport, he supposes it's still better than getting kicked out at sixteen.
"But it's useless wondering," Ryan adds. "We'll never know for sure, anyway."
"I know," Seth replies. "I just think about it sometimes. Everyone does, right?"
"Right."
"I was just trying to have a discussion."
Ryan raises an eyebrow, putting his hand on Seth's chest. "Didn't you like what we were doing?" he asks.
Seth gulps. "Yes," he says, hoping his voice isn't as squeaky as he thinks it is. "Yes, I did."
"Good," Ryan says, maneuvering himself until he's straddling Seth's thighs. He takes a moment to look at Seth, serious and gentle. "One day, you'll be a world-famous author," he says.
It sounds like a promise, and Seth believes it then, because Ryan knows a lot of stuff and he's not the lying kind.
Then, Ryan leans down and starts to suck Seth's nipples, and all thoughts about being famous flee Seth's head.
Chapter 8
Author : Helen C.
Rating : R (M)
Summary : AU. Dawn never left in the Pilot, and Ryan came back to Chino for a while. Years later, he and Seth meet in Los Angeles.
Spoilers : Everything is fair game.
Disclaimer : The characters and the universe were created and are owned by Josh Schwartz. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
joey51 stayed up until some ungodly hour in the night to beta this, and that's one of the many reasons why she's the best beta ever. :) Thanks, Joey!
Chapter 7
As per usual, Seth is already waiting in front of the TV when Ryan comes home.
It has been three months since their first night together and Ryan still feels simultaneously unsurprised and astonished that Seth still keeps coming, still keeps calling, still wants to see him.
Try as he might, Ryan still waits for the other shoe to drop-sometimes, it feels like he has spent his entire life waiting for things to get from bad to worse, and he wonders if he'll ever stop feeling that way. He doubts it-he has spent years in Austin, and he's still surprised when Michael calls him to check that he's fine. He has spent three months seeing Seth every day, and he still expects that eventually, one day, he'll come home and Seth won't be there.
"You okay?" Seth asks, following Ryan when he heads straight for the bedroom.
"God, that was a fucking awful day," Ryan moans, flopping on the bed and laying there, head buried in the pillow.
If he has anything to say about it, he won't move again until tomorrow morning, and perhaps not even then.
"Bad day at the office, then?" Seth asks.
At Ryan's grunt, Seth goes on, "Wow, you're doing your Neanderthal. Must have been worse than just bad."
Ryan turns his head a little so he can answer, "Three guys home sick with the flu, big boss on the site, and lots of heavy lifting for everyone."
His back is killing him, he has had a headache for hours now, and he thinks his legs will soon make him pay for the workout he gave them earlier.
"Harsh," Seth sympathizes. Ryan closes his eyes, enjoying the silence that follows.
"So, does that mean no sex tonight?"
This time, Seth sounds truly sad and disappointed, and Ryan laughs silently for a few seconds. "I'm glad you find me so irresistible that you can't even go one night without," he says. "But, well..."
Seth pouts, lying down next to Ryan. "Bad boss of yours," he says. "I'm gonna have to file a complaint or something."
Ryan nods. "You do that. I'm sure he'll be delighted to know that he needs to cut me some slack so I can satisfy your needy nature at night."
"Needy nature?"
"Hey, I'm not the one begging," Ryan points out.
Seth studies him for a moment, before nodding to himself. "Okay. No, I see how it's going to be."
"Huh?" Ryan asks, a little worried by the strange gleam in Seth's eyes.
Seth seems to have a plan, and Ryan has heard enough stories to know that Seth's plans are usually worry-worthy.
"Seth, please, tell me you weren't seriously considering filling a complaint," he groans.
"Next best thing," Seth states proudly, wiggling his fingers at Ryan. "Massage."
"Seth…"
"And I won't even try to have my wicked way with you later," Seth adds brightly. "'Cause I'm selfless."
Ryan would shake his head, if he hadn't vowed not to move until tomorrow.
Only Seth…
Still, he has to admit, ten minutes later, Seth knows how use his hands to good effect. Ryan can feel the painful knots in his back untying under Seth's fingers, and he can't stop a soft moan.
"Told you I was good," Seth says.
"You said no such thing," Ryan retorts. Seth's hands leave his back, and Ryan hurries to add, "But yes, you're good."
Seth goes back to his massage, talking softly. "Magic fingers, I'm telling you. From now on, I'll just go by Fingers Cohen. No, wait, that's a terrible name. Huh…"
"Seth?" Ryan says, eyelids drooping.
"Yeah?"
"Less talking more rub-Ah!" he yells, as Seth attacks a particularly tense spot. Suddenly, Ryan doesn't feel so sleepy anymore.
"I think you're more vocal now than you ever are during sex," Seth says.
"Hm," Ryan replies, blushing softly, thanking heavens that Seth can't see his face.
Unsurprisingly, Seth straddling him with his hands on his back, and sporting an obvious hard-on, makes Ryan review his previous statement about not wanting to move.
Which, clearly, was all part of Seth's devious plan, and the strange gleam suddenly makes sense.
"Seth?"
"Yeah," Seth says, and there's a smile in his voice.
Ryan sighs. "Remember when I said no sex tonight?"
"You said no such thing," Seth points out. "You just implied it."
"Yeah, well…" Ryan stretches under Seth. "Keep that up a little while longer, and perhaps…"
"Great," Seth whispers victoriously. "But, just so we're clear, I am writing to your boss anyway."
"Don't talk about my boss now," Ryan growls.
"Good point."
***
"Don't you ever wish your life was different?" Seth asks one night.
Ryan's hands, which had been tracing lazy circles on Seth's stomach, cease their movements at Seth's question. Seth fights back the urge to beg Ryan to continue. Not that it's unpleasant in the least, but if Ryan goes on, one thing will lead to another, and they haven't left the bed since this morning, and they have taken three showers already-Thank God for Saturdays-and Seth kind of wants to have this discussion, now.
He has been thinking about it a lot, lately-about what he wants to do with his life, and how slowly he's getting there.
"Why?" Ryan asks at last.
Seth makes an effort to avoid sighing.
He likes Ryan a lot, but it's always such a battle to have a discussion with the guy.
It seems like Ryan always analyzes Seth's motives before answering any given question, and even when he does answer, he gives very little away. Seth assumes that Ryan is just trying to protect himself, and he understands that, but he still wishes that Ryan would be more open. Besides, he has to admit that after all this time, it hurts a little that Ryan feels the need to protect himself from *Seth.*
"I don't know," Seth says.
Ryan leans on an elbow then, his hand resting on Seth's chest, looking patient and curious.
"I kind of wish I was a world-famous comic writer," Seth admits. "Or a successful novelist. Or, you know, just… successful at anything, I guess."
"You're only starting to work," Ryan points out. "You have time to get famous."
Seth nods, thinking that it doesn't really help him to know that, not when his boss is an insufferable pain in the ass who likes to torture the youngest members of the team.
"Yeah, but… I guess I'm just wondering, that's all."
Ryan sighs and lies down, putting his hands behind his head, and Seth shakes himself from his depressed thoughts long enough to enjoy the show.
Ryan has obviously been working shirtless recently, if his toned skin is any indication.
And even though Seth wouldn't wish all the heavy lifting Ryan does on anyone, he can't deny that Ryan's muscles certainly make for a great view.
"Sometimes I wish I could build things," Ryan says. "Really build them, I mean-designing the plans, and supervising everything, instead of just doing it."
"Yeah?" Seth asks, glad that Ryan is talking.
"I guess I'd like to be able to leave something behind-something that people will still use, will still remember, long after I'm not here anymore."
Seth feels himself nod before Ryan even stops talking. "Exactly," he says. "Writing a book that'll get world-wide attention, or building huge houses that'll serve as shelter for several families… that would be…" He trails off.
Ryan sighs softly. "Nothing wrong with our ambition," he says. "I guess that's something."
"Sure," Seth agrees. "And don't you ever wonder what your life would be like, if you had made different choices, at some point?"
That's yet another thing that has been bugging Seth recently-would he be happier if he had learned to appreciate Newport, as his dad seems to have done? Would he be happier if he had given up and accepted his place in the Newport Group, instead of fighting tooth and nail to make a name for himself in the comic industry?
Would he be happier, if he was anyone but Seth Cohen?
And what would Ryan have become, if he had been able to use all his potential, instead of having to hide and to keep a low profile for so long that he now seems unable to go back to living in broad daylight?
When Ryan doesn't answer, Seth adds, "I wonder sometimes, what would have happened if I had ever asked Summer out. Or if I hadn't gone to the East Coast for College. Where would I be now?"
After another long stretch of silence, Ryan finally says, "I guess I wonder, sometimes, what would have happened. Not if I had stayed with my mom, because I'm pretty sure that wouldn't have ended well. But, what I would have become if I had found a friend to let me stay the night, when she kicked me out."
"Yeah," Seth says, thinking that perhaps, his dad would have found Ryan then, and helped him.
"But, I don't think my life would be better now," Ryan adds. "Perhaps the cops would have found me, perhaps I'd have spent two years in a group home, or in foster care, you know?"
Seth refrains from saying that no, he doesn't know-he has never known anyone who didn't have a family to rely on, not even in college, and he still can't imagine what that must be like.
Days like this, when he allows himself to think about it, Seth is really happy that this Michael existed, and took care of Ryan.
Days like this, he thinks that his parents, at least, love him-and while he doesn't agree with the way they forced him to stay in Newport, he supposes it's still better than getting kicked out at sixteen.
"But it's useless wondering," Ryan adds. "We'll never know for sure, anyway."
"I know," Seth replies. "I just think about it sometimes. Everyone does, right?"
"Right."
"I was just trying to have a discussion."
Ryan raises an eyebrow, putting his hand on Seth's chest. "Didn't you like what we were doing?" he asks.
Seth gulps. "Yes," he says, hoping his voice isn't as squeaky as he thinks it is. "Yes, I did."
"Good," Ryan says, maneuvering himself until he's straddling Seth's thighs. He takes a moment to look at Seth, serious and gentle. "One day, you'll be a world-famous author," he says.
It sounds like a promise, and Seth believes it then, because Ryan knows a lot of stuff and he's not the lying kind.
Then, Ryan leans down and starts to suck Seth's nipples, and all thoughts about being famous flee Seth's head.
Chapter 8