Playing the Hero (4/5)
Here's part 4 of the death fic.
Disclaimer : The characters and the universe were created and are owned by Josh Schwartz. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
A/N : A plot-less, angsty, drabbly five-shots. Still blaming this one on mel39--because if I have to go down for killing Ryan, I won't go alone. katwoman76, I'm still so sorry about this... Never again.
And thanks to the awsome joey51 for beta'ing this.
Part IV
Seth doesn't want to be here.
Of course, he's sure that everyone around him could say the same.
They kept the funeral quiet and small, and there aren't many people attending.
Seth and his parents, Summer, Marissa and her mom-who seems bored and annoyed at being here-Luke and the few guys from the Harbor soccer team that Ryan had kept in touch with.
Trey is still on the run.
The PI hasn't been able to find Dawn yet.
Ryan's father was released from jail and vanished without a trace three months ago.
It seems like a pitifully small crowd, but it would be worse, Seth thinks, if the place was full of Newpsies who didn't give a damn about Ryan when he was alive.
The priest is talking about the kind of man Ryan was, which seems ridiculous, since he didn't even know him, and then he says something about how Ryan is in a better place now, and given how shitty Ryan's life had been so far, Seth sure as hell hopes so.
Seth doesn't recognize his best friend in the priest's words-the priest doesn't know about Ryan's smiles, the ones that reached his eyes, the rare ones, that were reserved for the Cohens. He doesn't know about how hard Ryan had worked to find his place in the Cohens family. He doesn't know that it was starting feel like he had managed, at long last, to feel loved, and Seth hopes that if Ryan woke up in the hospital, he was lucid enough to remember that he had a family.
The priest is saying something about how Ryan's life made everyone else's better, and about how he bravely saved somebody's life, and Seth has to repress a snort, because yeah, sure, Ryan saved someone's life.
Too bad no one could save Ryan's life.
Things would suck a great deal less if someone had managed to keep Ryan with them.
Of course, Seth heard what the doctor said when he talked to his father, back in New York, after his father had gone to see Ryan, and before they left the hospital to go back to the Nana's place.
The doctor spent a while listing all of Ryan's injuries, and while most of it flew right above Seth's head, he managed to catch a few words.
"Stabbed."
"Kicked in the back."
"Spine injury."
"Paralyzed."
"Internal bleeding."
And yeah, sure, perhaps that even if Ryan had survived, things would have sucked.
From what Seth understood, Ryan would, at the very least, have been paralyzed from the waist down-something about a series of furious blows to his back, and broken bone fragments.
Details don't matter.
Paralyzed or not, Ryan would have been there.
Seth doesn't doubt that his friend would have found a way to pick up the pieces and move on-he had lived through worse, after all.
Ryan would have been there.
Rolling his eyes at Seth, or glaring, or laughing at one of his jokes.
Angsting over Marissa.
Chuckling a little at Summer's jokes or teasing her with his terrible impersonations.
Smiling bashfully at Seth's mom, helping her in the kitchen.
Looking embarrassed at Sandy's pride.
Just… there.
A sniffle brings Seth's attention back to the present, and he looks at Summer, who is blinking quickly, trying to stop tears from falling.
"Stupid Chino," she whispers when their eyes meet. "I'm going to mess up my make-up."
Who cares? Seth thinks, but doesn't say.
The priest is done talking, not one minute too soon, and as the coffin is being lowered into the ground, Marissa starts wailing. Julie leads her away, sending an apologetic look at Seth's mom, who nods in acknowledgement.
None of the Cohens have cried, not since that night.
Seth doesn't doubt that the tears will come back, and certainly sooner rather than later, but for now, they're all calm and collected.
It's fitting, Seth thinks.
Ryan, after all, wasn't big on emotional displays, and wouldn't have wanted them crying too hard over him.
Ryan probably wouldn't have thought that he was worth being cried over, and naturally, now, Seth's eyes are burning and he's the one sniffing.
Seth's parents are going back to the car, and Luke approaches Seth as he starts to make his way out of here too.
"I'm sorry," Luke says.
Seth nods, not trusting his voice.
"If you want to come by the house later, I'll be there with a few guys."
Seth nods, but he already knows he won't go.
These guys will talk about a Ryan Seth didn't know-the jock, the one who liked sports, the one who could laugh at some of their jokes.
Seth will be alone to remember another Ryan-the one who put up with Seth's chatter, the one who pretended to like comic books for Seth's sake, the one who studied physics and had a crush on Lindsay and who looked so lost and lonely the day Dawn walked out on him.
He almost prefers it this way-that way, he doesn't have to share his memories with anyone, he can keep them to himself and treasure them.
Part Five
Disclaimer : The characters and the universe were created and are owned by Josh Schwartz. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
A/N : A plot-less, angsty, drabbly five-shots. Still blaming this one on mel39--because if I have to go down for killing Ryan, I won't go alone. katwoman76, I'm still so sorry about this... Never again.
And thanks to the awsome joey51 for beta'ing this.
Part IV
Seth doesn't want to be here.
Of course, he's sure that everyone around him could say the same.
They kept the funeral quiet and small, and there aren't many people attending.
Seth and his parents, Summer, Marissa and her mom-who seems bored and annoyed at being here-Luke and the few guys from the Harbor soccer team that Ryan had kept in touch with.
Trey is still on the run.
The PI hasn't been able to find Dawn yet.
Ryan's father was released from jail and vanished without a trace three months ago.
It seems like a pitifully small crowd, but it would be worse, Seth thinks, if the place was full of Newpsies who didn't give a damn about Ryan when he was alive.
The priest is talking about the kind of man Ryan was, which seems ridiculous, since he didn't even know him, and then he says something about how Ryan is in a better place now, and given how shitty Ryan's life had been so far, Seth sure as hell hopes so.
Seth doesn't recognize his best friend in the priest's words-the priest doesn't know about Ryan's smiles, the ones that reached his eyes, the rare ones, that were reserved for the Cohens. He doesn't know about how hard Ryan had worked to find his place in the Cohens family. He doesn't know that it was starting feel like he had managed, at long last, to feel loved, and Seth hopes that if Ryan woke up in the hospital, he was lucid enough to remember that he had a family.
The priest is saying something about how Ryan's life made everyone else's better, and about how he bravely saved somebody's life, and Seth has to repress a snort, because yeah, sure, Ryan saved someone's life.
Too bad no one could save Ryan's life.
Things would suck a great deal less if someone had managed to keep Ryan with them.
Of course, Seth heard what the doctor said when he talked to his father, back in New York, after his father had gone to see Ryan, and before they left the hospital to go back to the Nana's place.
The doctor spent a while listing all of Ryan's injuries, and while most of it flew right above Seth's head, he managed to catch a few words.
"Stabbed."
"Kicked in the back."
"Spine injury."
"Paralyzed."
"Internal bleeding."
And yeah, sure, perhaps that even if Ryan had survived, things would have sucked.
From what Seth understood, Ryan would, at the very least, have been paralyzed from the waist down-something about a series of furious blows to his back, and broken bone fragments.
Details don't matter.
Paralyzed or not, Ryan would have been there.
Seth doesn't doubt that his friend would have found a way to pick up the pieces and move on-he had lived through worse, after all.
Ryan would have been there.
Rolling his eyes at Seth, or glaring, or laughing at one of his jokes.
Angsting over Marissa.
Chuckling a little at Summer's jokes or teasing her with his terrible impersonations.
Smiling bashfully at Seth's mom, helping her in the kitchen.
Looking embarrassed at Sandy's pride.
Just… there.
A sniffle brings Seth's attention back to the present, and he looks at Summer, who is blinking quickly, trying to stop tears from falling.
"Stupid Chino," she whispers when their eyes meet. "I'm going to mess up my make-up."
Who cares? Seth thinks, but doesn't say.
The priest is done talking, not one minute too soon, and as the coffin is being lowered into the ground, Marissa starts wailing. Julie leads her away, sending an apologetic look at Seth's mom, who nods in acknowledgement.
None of the Cohens have cried, not since that night.
Seth doesn't doubt that the tears will come back, and certainly sooner rather than later, but for now, they're all calm and collected.
It's fitting, Seth thinks.
Ryan, after all, wasn't big on emotional displays, and wouldn't have wanted them crying too hard over him.
Ryan probably wouldn't have thought that he was worth being cried over, and naturally, now, Seth's eyes are burning and he's the one sniffing.
Seth's parents are going back to the car, and Luke approaches Seth as he starts to make his way out of here too.
"I'm sorry," Luke says.
Seth nods, not trusting his voice.
"If you want to come by the house later, I'll be there with a few guys."
Seth nods, but he already knows he won't go.
These guys will talk about a Ryan Seth didn't know-the jock, the one who liked sports, the one who could laugh at some of their jokes.
Seth will be alone to remember another Ryan-the one who put up with Seth's chatter, the one who pretended to like comic books for Seth's sake, the one who studied physics and had a crush on Lindsay and who looked so lost and lonely the day Dawn walked out on him.
He almost prefers it this way-that way, he doesn't have to share his memories with anyone, he can keep them to himself and treasure them.
Part Five