OC Fic : Chains of Habit (2/5)
Still owe people reviews (tomorrow, promise), and emails (ditto).
Title : Chains of Habit
Author : Helen C.
Rating : PG-13
Summary : Half an hour after the cab had dropped him off down the road, he was still trying to gather the courage to ring the bell. Five 500-words drabbles, because I'm addicted to that format.
Disclaimer : The characters and the universe were created and are owned by Josh Schwartz. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Huge thanks to joey51 for beta'ing this.
Part Two - Before
Ryan tried to settle in Berkeley. The dorm room he shared with another student was everything he had thought it would be-messy, with beer bottles and clothes strewed across the floor and books everywhere. Even his roommate was the perfect student-- always ready to party yet still capable of achieving high grades and getting laid regularly. Ryan would have been jealous, if he had cared about social lives.
From time to time, he allowed his roommate to drag him to a frat party, or a bar. He pretended he enjoyed the banter, the shameless flirting with girls, the drinking and the bragging.
He smiled in the right places, made a few jokes, and allowed others to slap his shoulders and cheer, "Well done," whenever he beat a poor, unsuspecting soul at pool.
And through it all, he never felt anything-no joy, no contentment, not even a small measure of camaraderie. He wasn't interested in the other students' stories, he wasn't interested in socializing, he wasn't interested in his classes, he wasn't interested in anything.
All he could feel was emptiness-a huge void where the need for human contacts once was. His life had stopped when the car he was driving had tumbled over the edge. The better part of himself (the part that cared, the part that wanted things to get better) had stayed on the side of that road, had burned in the remains of the car while Marissa was dying in his arms.
*
Ryan tried to be a good student, tried to take an interest in his classes, his assignments, the other students.
He tried to tell himself that it didn't matter if Volchok was still free, and probably still getting high and screwing up other people's lives.
He tried to be a good son to the Cohens.
He tried to listen patiently as Seth whined about being stuck in Newport with his parents.
He tried to live, if only because Marissa couldn't anymore.
He failed on all counts.
It seemed like there was a lot of things he couldn't do.
Couldn't make a life for himself.
Couldn't prevent his girlfriend from dying in a car accident, scared and bloody on the side of the road.
Couldn't keep his shit together long enough to avoid being involved with the likes of Volchok.
Maybe he understood better how Dawn was living, every day-unable to avoid trouble, no matter how hard she tried; always attracting the worst of what human nature had to offer.
Maybe he understood better why she always screwed up, no matter how hard she tried to make things right.
Until she just gave up.
Just like he was giving up.
*
Ryan stayed seventy-eight days in Berkeley.
On the seventy-ninth day, he packed his bag, cleaned his part of the room, said goodbye to the few other students who might have noticed his absence, and booked a place ticket to Reno.
And, like the good little Atwood that he was, left everything behind.
Part Three
Title : Chains of Habit
Author : Helen C.
Rating : PG-13
Summary : Half an hour after the cab had dropped him off down the road, he was still trying to gather the courage to ring the bell. Five 500-words drabbles, because I'm addicted to that format.
Disclaimer : The characters and the universe were created and are owned by Josh Schwartz. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Huge thanks to joey51 for beta'ing this.
Part Two - Before
Ryan tried to settle in Berkeley. The dorm room he shared with another student was everything he had thought it would be-messy, with beer bottles and clothes strewed across the floor and books everywhere. Even his roommate was the perfect student-- always ready to party yet still capable of achieving high grades and getting laid regularly. Ryan would have been jealous, if he had cared about social lives.
From time to time, he allowed his roommate to drag him to a frat party, or a bar. He pretended he enjoyed the banter, the shameless flirting with girls, the drinking and the bragging.
He smiled in the right places, made a few jokes, and allowed others to slap his shoulders and cheer, "Well done," whenever he beat a poor, unsuspecting soul at pool.
And through it all, he never felt anything-no joy, no contentment, not even a small measure of camaraderie. He wasn't interested in the other students' stories, he wasn't interested in socializing, he wasn't interested in his classes, he wasn't interested in anything.
All he could feel was emptiness-a huge void where the need for human contacts once was. His life had stopped when the car he was driving had tumbled over the edge. The better part of himself (the part that cared, the part that wanted things to get better) had stayed on the side of that road, had burned in the remains of the car while Marissa was dying in his arms.
*
Ryan tried to be a good student, tried to take an interest in his classes, his assignments, the other students.
He tried to tell himself that it didn't matter if Volchok was still free, and probably still getting high and screwing up other people's lives.
He tried to be a good son to the Cohens.
He tried to listen patiently as Seth whined about being stuck in Newport with his parents.
He tried to live, if only because Marissa couldn't anymore.
He failed on all counts.
It seemed like there was a lot of things he couldn't do.
Couldn't make a life for himself.
Couldn't prevent his girlfriend from dying in a car accident, scared and bloody on the side of the road.
Couldn't keep his shit together long enough to avoid being involved with the likes of Volchok.
Maybe he understood better how Dawn was living, every day-unable to avoid trouble, no matter how hard she tried; always attracting the worst of what human nature had to offer.
Maybe he understood better why she always screwed up, no matter how hard she tried to make things right.
Until she just gave up.
Just like he was giving up.
*
Ryan stayed seventy-eight days in Berkeley.
On the seventy-ninth day, he packed his bag, cleaned his part of the room, said goodbye to the few other students who might have noticed his absence, and booked a place ticket to Reno.
And, like the good little Atwood that he was, left everything behind.
Part Three