OC Fic : Chains of Habit (5/5)
Title : Chains of Habit
Author : Helen C.
Rating : PG-13
Summary : Half an hour after the cab had dropped him off down the road, he was still trying to gather the courage to ring the bell. Five 500-words drabbles, because I'm addicted to that format.
Disclaimer : The characters and the universe were created and are owned by Josh Schwartz. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Huge thanks to joey51 for beta'ing this. I couldn't avoid some last minute tinkering--all remaining mistakes are mine.
Part Five - Now
Ryan had tried to avoid thinking about what the Cohens would say when he showed up again. Had it been too long? Had he lost them? What would he do if they judged him-if they saw what he had become and rejected him? If he lost the last fragile thread still keeping him anchored to the world?
He should have known better.
Kirsten opened the door.
Stared at him, mouth slightly open.
Closed her eyes, tears already threatening.
Said, "Oh, Ryan."
And pulled him in a bone-crushing hug.
"I'm sorry," he choked out, his voice hoarse. "I couldn't…"
Could handle Berkeley, couldn't forget Marissa, couldn't kill Volchok.
Couldn't face you.
Kirsten didn't say anything more, clinging to him like she was afraid he'd vanish if she released him.
Ryan saw Sandy hovering near them, his face drawn with worry.
He saw Seth observing them from a distance.
Were they seeing him? Were they seeing what… who he had become?
"Thank you," Kirsten whispered. "Thank you so much for coming back."
"Don't-" he started.
Then, Sandy approached them, pulled them both in his arms, and Seth joined the three of them, patting Ryan's back awkwardly.
They stayed like that for what felt like hours, the cold water on Ryan's clothes soaking them, their arms around him making him feel warmer than he had in months.
*
Ryan told Sandy the whole truth, feeling he owed him that much-the drugs, the alcohol, the gun, the search for Volchok, the confrontation, the days afterwards, spent drifting from town to town, unable to settle down, aimless and empty.
"I don't even know why I came back here," he whispered at the end.
"I'm glad you did, son," Sandy replied.
Ryan absorbed to the words, the tone of voice, allowed them to fill a little of the void.
*
Ryan didn't tell everything to Kirsten-just that he hadn't know how to deal, so he had fallen back on old habits.
"I'm so glad you're home, sweetie," she said. Never asking for justifications or explanations. "We've been worried about you. We've been looking for you."
"I didn't want to be found." He swallowed. "I'm sorry."
He didn't protest her attempts at mothering him, soaking in her gentleness and her love.
*
He didn't say much to Seth.
"Did you find Volchok?" Seth asked.
"Yeah."
"Did you make him pay?"
Ryan thought about Volchok, crying. "Yes." Then, because he hadn't done what Seth must have feared, he added, "No."
"Good."
*
Ryan spent six months in Newport, rarely leaving the Cohens' house.
Allowing them to nurse him back to health, physically and otherwise.
When the pain came, replacing the emptiness, he welcomed it.
Accepted it as part of the healing process.
Dealt with it.
*
"We love you," Kirsten said, standing with him in his new apartment in Berkeley.
"We'll call everyday," Sandy added.
Both had tears in their eyes.
"Thank you," Ryan said.
They trusted him to start living again and he wouldn't disappoint them this time.
end
Author : Helen C.
Rating : PG-13
Summary : Half an hour after the cab had dropped him off down the road, he was still trying to gather the courage to ring the bell. Five 500-words drabbles, because I'm addicted to that format.
Disclaimer : The characters and the universe were created and are owned by Josh Schwartz. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Huge thanks to joey51 for beta'ing this. I couldn't avoid some last minute tinkering--all remaining mistakes are mine.
Part Five - Now
Ryan had tried to avoid thinking about what the Cohens would say when he showed up again. Had it been too long? Had he lost them? What would he do if they judged him-if they saw what he had become and rejected him? If he lost the last fragile thread still keeping him anchored to the world?
He should have known better.
Kirsten opened the door.
Stared at him, mouth slightly open.
Closed her eyes, tears already threatening.
Said, "Oh, Ryan."
And pulled him in a bone-crushing hug.
"I'm sorry," he choked out, his voice hoarse. "I couldn't…"
Could handle Berkeley, couldn't forget Marissa, couldn't kill Volchok.
Couldn't face you.
Kirsten didn't say anything more, clinging to him like she was afraid he'd vanish if she released him.
Ryan saw Sandy hovering near them, his face drawn with worry.
He saw Seth observing them from a distance.
Were they seeing him? Were they seeing what… who he had become?
"Thank you," Kirsten whispered. "Thank you so much for coming back."
"Don't-" he started.
Then, Sandy approached them, pulled them both in his arms, and Seth joined the three of them, patting Ryan's back awkwardly.
They stayed like that for what felt like hours, the cold water on Ryan's clothes soaking them, their arms around him making him feel warmer than he had in months.
*
Ryan told Sandy the whole truth, feeling he owed him that much-the drugs, the alcohol, the gun, the search for Volchok, the confrontation, the days afterwards, spent drifting from town to town, unable to settle down, aimless and empty.
"I don't even know why I came back here," he whispered at the end.
"I'm glad you did, son," Sandy replied.
Ryan absorbed to the words, the tone of voice, allowed them to fill a little of the void.
*
Ryan didn't tell everything to Kirsten-just that he hadn't know how to deal, so he had fallen back on old habits.
"I'm so glad you're home, sweetie," she said. Never asking for justifications or explanations. "We've been worried about you. We've been looking for you."
"I didn't want to be found." He swallowed. "I'm sorry."
He didn't protest her attempts at mothering him, soaking in her gentleness and her love.
*
He didn't say much to Seth.
"Did you find Volchok?" Seth asked.
"Yeah."
"Did you make him pay?"
Ryan thought about Volchok, crying. "Yes." Then, because he hadn't done what Seth must have feared, he added, "No."
"Good."
*
Ryan spent six months in Newport, rarely leaving the Cohens' house.
Allowing them to nurse him back to health, physically and otherwise.
When the pain came, replacing the emptiness, he welcomed it.
Accepted it as part of the healing process.
Dealt with it.
*
"We love you," Kirsten said, standing with him in his new apartment in Berkeley.
"We'll call everyday," Sandy added.
Both had tears in their eyes.
"Thank you," Ryan said.
They trusted him to start living again and he wouldn't disappoint them this time.
end