OC Fic : Mothers and Sons (2/6)
Did I mention the no life thing? And the burnout thing? Right.
Title : Mothers and Sons
Author : Helen C.
Rating : PG-13
Summary : Dawn and Ryan, and their f'cked up relationship. Also, Theresa and Ryan and their slightly less f'cked up relationship.
Disclaimer : The characters and the universe were created and are owned by Josh Schwartz. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
AN1. This one was inspired by brandywine421's awesome breathe out, breathe in
AN2. I just wanted to explore some more the relationship between Ryan and Dawn (as if entire novels haven't been written about it already!).
I should warn that this is Ryan/Theresa. And yes, I should have remembered beforehand that I suck at writing romance, but the pairing is not the point of the story. I don't know what the point of the story is. I'll just let you guys decide.
Many thanks, as usual, to the ever awesome joey51
Chapter Two
Dawn had always been very good at burning bridges and vanishing.
After what Ryan inwardly referred to as "the glass door incident," he didn't hear from her for four years.
Kirsten and Seth never asked him how he felt about that-they blamed her for what had happened, and Ryan suspected they were scared of what would happen if she ever resurfaced.
Sandy did ask, from time to time, if Ryan wanted him to track Dawn down, if only to make sure she was safe. The offer was genuine, but his look of relief every time Ryan told him not to bother was unmistakable.
***
To say that Ryan surprised the Cohens when he announced, during his second year in Berkeley, that he was planning on going to law school, would have been a ridiculous understatement.
Hell, he even surprised himself.
Seth laughed, for two days, trying to picture Ryan "going Kid Chino" on a judge, trying to picture what a closing argument written by Ryan might be like, asking Sandy if there were awards for brevity in a court room, and generally driving Ryan insane.
It wasn't as if he hadn't struggled with the decision, it wasn't as if he wasn't nervous, and Seth's jokes, no matter how brotherly, good-natured and well-intentioned, were making him even more uncertain.
When the jokes stopped abruptly, without apparent reason, Ryan recognized the hand of The Kirsten in that small miracle, and found yet another reason to be grateful for her.
Kirsten was the first to talk to him about it and he tried to apologize, awkwardly, for letting go of one of the things that had brought them closer at the beginning-the love of architecture.
"Sweetie, you don't have to apologize," she said, predictably. "You have to do what's good for yourself. You know we'll be proud of you no matter what." She smiled. "I guess we're all just a little surprised. We didn't see it coming. And…"
And they were worried he was merely trying to please Sandy by following in his footsteps.
"I'm not…" He fumbled for words. "What I like the most in construction is working with my hands. Seeing the house grow, and know I'm one of the people who made it possible." He tried to put all his conviction in his words, knowing that he needed to convince her. She'd support him either way, but he didn't want her wondering whether he was making a mistake. "I talked to students in architecture, and even to some architects, and…"
"You didn't like what you heard?" she finished for him.
He shrugged sheepishly.
"I understand." To Ryan's relief, there was no doubt in Kirsten's eyes anymore. "I think you'll be a wonderful lawyer."
Ryan released a breath he didn't known he was holding, surprised at how much he still craved her support and acceptance.
Sandy didn't say much at first-Seth even asked if now that Ryan was the talkative one, Sandy was giving up on the spoken word altogether. Kirsten elbowed him just as Ryan was kicking him under the table. Seth took the hint and dropped it.
Sandy waited until he and Ryan had the house to themselves to ask, carefully, "I know Kirsten talked to you."
Ryan gave a tolerant smile. It had been a long time since the Cohens had tag teamed him. "And now it's your turn?" he said.
Sandy chuckled easily, sitting down next to Ryan. "Yup. You know how we are. Always talking."
Ryan nodded in mock assent.
Uncharacteristically, Sandy was the one looking for words this time around. "I just wanted to say… I'm…"
Ryan waited, realizing for the first time that he was tense and wary-afraid that Sandy wouldn't approve, afraid that Sandy would think this was a bad idea. He needed Sandy's support on this, maybe even more than he needed Kirsten's, because in many ways, Sandy was the one who had started all this.
"I'm very proud of you," Sandy said. "I don't say it often enough-"
Ryan couldn't suppress a nervous laugh. "You say it all the time."
Sandy waved his hand dismissively. "Not nearly enough," he repeated. "It means a lot to me that you want to become a lawyer. I know it's your decision, I know you're not trying to do it to please me, but I'm still…"
"Flattered?" Ryan offered when words failed Sandy and he started to rely on hand gestures.
"A little." Sandy shrugged. "What can I say…"
You've said enough, Ryan wanted to say. Thanks. Instead, he asked, "So, you think this is a good idea?"
Sandy shot him an amused glance. "Seth's jokes getting to you?"
"No!" Ryan gathered his thoughts, trying to find a way to ask the question that was nagging at him-no easy feat as he wasn't so sure himself. "Just… Do you think I'm up to it?"
Sandy put a hand on his shoulder. "I think you can do anything you put your mind to. I think you'll be a great lawyer. The way you always fight for others, the way you always try to help them…"
Ryan recalled a few instances when this need to help others had also meant trouble for him. Maybe Seth was right and he was insane to do this.
On the other hand, he had to admit that it felt right-more right than anything else he had ever considered doing with his life.
"I just have to say something." Ryan met Sandy's eyes, recognizing the serious tone. "It's hard. It would be easier if you were heartless, but I know you, Ryan. If you go into public defense, it'll be hard for you." He frowned. "It's hard for me, and my life wasn't half as difficult as yours. Seeing some of these kids, what they've been through… Sometimes, you can help them and it's great. But when you can't, it's really, really hard. And you, kid… You put your heart in everything you do. I know that."
Ryan nodded.
It wasn't anything he hadn't considered already.
It wasn't enough to make him change his mind.
Sandy smiled, breaking the moment. "I'd be proud too if you wanted to become an architect, you know? Or a doctor, or a pilot, or a stripper, or anything."
Ryan chuckled.
"Don't become a stripper," Sandy said, as an afterthought.
Ryan nodded. "Yeah, I know. Okay."
"Kirsten would kill both of us."
***
In truth, Ryan did strip.
Once.
It was at a party during his third year in College, and he was drunk, so that didn't really count-that was his story and he was sticking to it.
And damn Luke for visiting him and then making him drink so much anyway.
Thankfully, as far as he knew, the pictures (and there were pictures, fuck Luke) never made their way to the Cohens.
Yet another tale of college life he'd never be able to tell his children.
***
It wasn't long after that fateful night of drinking and stripping that he ran into Theresa again-literally ran into her while stepping out of Starbucks, his coffee lovingly cradled in his hands (he was growing pathetically addicted to the stuff).
He slammed into her, an automatic apology freezing on his lips when he saw her face-surprised and maybe a little happy, reflecting his own feelings.
"Well, well, Ryan Atwood," she said, her voice shaking with restrained laughter.
"Theresa," he breathed out.
They stood awkwardly for a beat then she motioned to the door. "Wanna…"
He thought about the class he was supposed to attend in less than fifteen minutes, took a look at her and shrugged. "Sure."
***
They didn't speak Marissa's name until two hours and three cups of coffee later.
Theresa brought it up, hesitantly, as if afraid of opening up old wounds.
"I was hoping I'd see you at the funeral," she said. "But you weren't there."
"I kind of lost it for a while." He smiled weakly. "I didn't go. I didn't want to see anyone."
She reached over and gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "I'm sorry. I know what you meant to each other, even if I didn't understand it."
Not many people understood. Hell, even Ryan and Marissa themselves didn't understand, not really. They had just been drawn to each other from day one, and kept orbiting around one another right up until that day.
It was all in the past, now, but he still felt an ache when he thought about her.
What would she have become?
Would they have found a way to make it work?
"Did they ever catch him?" Theresa asked. "The guy who…"
"Yeah." Ryan breathed out a small sigh. "Sandy says he'll be released soon, now."
"That can't be easy," Theresa said. Ryan heard the unspoken "Are you going to go after him?" He wished he could be angry at her for that, but if anyone was entitled to ask, then surely she was.
She was too familiar with Ryan's history to be anything but worried.
"We talked. Before they arrested him. We… I guess you could say we settled things."
He was done with Volchok. He was done with that whole part of his life.
As long as Volchok didn't come after him again, he'd let it rest.
She smiled at him, reassured, and he remembered her worry back in Chino, as his behavior grew increasingly violent, and later in Newport, as Volchok was messing with him and he was falling back into old habits.
"You've changed," she said quietly.
He shook his head. "I still have bad days. They're just not as bad as they once were."
"I'm glad," she said.
There was a comfortable pause, then Ryan said, "So, are you ever going to tell me about Daniel?"
He ordered them a fourth cup of coffee while she fished the pictures from her bag.
***
Ryan stopped by Theresa's place the next day.
Daniel adopted him on the spot, climbing into his arms and refusing to be put down.
"He's sure obstinate," Ryan observed.
Theresa shook her head at her son. "You don't know the half of it."
Holding Daniel, Ryan felt a small pang. It could have been his life, if Theresa had allowed him to stay.
If he hadn't been so damn terrified.
If he hadn't met the Cohens when he had.
He didn't regret how things had turned out, but he did wonder what it would have been like to have this kid calling him "Dad."
***
Theresa's chuckle awoke Ryan from a deep sleep.
He raised his head and saw that he was flopped on the couch, Daniel sound asleep in his arms.
"Uh?" he said unintelligently.
Theresa shook her head, amused. "Honestly, Ryan. You ran from Turo on a big brotherly rage. You were once a car thief, living on the edge." The laughter in her voice was contagious, despite the bittersweet tang of the memories. "And to look at you right now, one might think that this little kid ran you into the ground."
Ryan smiled. "Yeah, you laugh." He dropped his head back on the cushions. "We went to the zoo, he ran everywhere, he wanted ice cream, he wanted to play with a kid his age who, it turned out, didn't speak a word of English, and then he wanted to eat at McDonalds and…"
She sat down on the seat arm, patted his head like she'd calm a hysterical teenaged girl. "There, there. I know, it's hard keeping up with a kid sixteen years younger than yourself."
Ryan smiled. "Fine. Laugh. I don't care."
"So, did you have a good day?" Theresa asked.
Ryan looked down at Daniel again, taking in the blonde hair, the peaceful face as he slept, and felt his heart clench.
"Yeah. It was…" He swallowed, looked at Theresa. "It was very good. I wouldn't mind doing it again."
She snorted. "You didn't lose him. He seems relatively intact, if a little wiped out. I'd say you didn't do too bad." She nodded to herself. "Yes, you can have him again."
***
There was no big revelation, no dramatic scene, when Ryan learned the truth about Daniel-when he finally allowed himself to see the truth.
They were playing, Theresa was watching them both wistfully, and he took another look at Daniel-his eyes, the way he clenched his fists when he made an argument, the way he looked down abashedly whenever someone scolded him.
He looked at Theresa again. She was studying him, biting her lower lip. "I guess we should talk," she said when their eyes met.
They left Daniel in front of the TV and moved to the kitchen. Theresa looked a lot more nervous than he felt. "I always knew you'd find out eventually. I never even planned to lie, I just…"
Ryan nodded, swallowing past the lump in his throat. "I suspected. I didn't…"
I didn't want to see it back then.
My life was approaching something resembling normal for the first time ever, and I was scared to lose that.
I'm still scared of this, scared of losing everything.
"I know."
"I hate being lied to," he said, because it bore repeating.
"I know."
But she had lied because she loved him and wanted what was best for him.
What was more, he had been more than willing to believe the lie. He hadn't pushed, because she had given him exactly what he wanted-a chance at a normal life.
He would be angry at her for a while, because she had made the decision alone, and he didn't like to be kept in the dark, and because it hurt, having missed such a big part of his son's life.
He'd get over it, because he had always forgiven Theresa for everything and because he had been an almost-willing participant.
Besides, at least, her heart had been in the right place.
"What now?" he asked.
***
What surprised the Cohens the most wasn't the news that Ryan had a kid. Kirsten, after all, had seen Daniel, and probably hadn't believed Theresa back then.
What surprised them the most was that Ryan didn't decide to drop out of college to pay for his son, and didn't say he was going to ask Theresa to marry him, or that he was going to adopt Daniel.
He could tell they expected him to.
And with reason.
He had considered it-for about three seconds.
Then, Theresa had glared at him and said, "Don't even think about it, Atwood. I don't need to be saved." Hands on her hips, she had stared him down. "And I can still kick your ass."
He knew better than to argue with Theresa when she glared.
So, when Sandy asked "What now?" almost fearfully, clearly bracing himself for an uphill battle, Ryan got to stun him again.
"Now, I finish college, and find a job. And, you know, spend time with my son."
His voice caught a little on "son," and Sandy smiled.
"Still haven't gotten used to saying it out loud?"
Ryan shook his head, fighting a stunned smile.
"Trust me, and you know I love you and Seth more than life, but by the time he's sixteen, you'll be more than used to it; it'll have grown old already." Sandy paused and added, "Except for all the times when it still leaves you astonished."
Ryan's smile brightened.
***
"Theresa used to be scared of me," Ryan said.
Kirsten set her kitchen book to the side and studied him for a while. He looked lost, overwhelmed and as happy as she had ever seen him, all at once.
She wondered if it had sunk in yet, or if he was still adjusting.
"She said she couldn't deal with my bad days." He swallowed. "And I know sometimes, you and Sandy get worried too."
She smiled sadly. "We're less worried these days."
"I haven't had a good reason to lose it in a long time," he pointed out. "Who knows what will happen when I do?"
She resisted the urge to take him in her arms. He needed words more than physical comfort right now.
"You'll be a wonderful father, Ryan." He looked up, surprised. She hoped she was finding the right words to convince him. "Not in spite of your past, but because of it." She pulled him close to her. "I believe in you. So does Sandy. Trust me."
"I do."
***
On graduation day, the Cohens stood and clapped hard, beaming at Ryan, taking pictures, their obvious pride making him blush.
Theresa held Daniel's hand and pointed at him, and he could see him mouth, "Daddy." Ryan had to blink back tears as he made his way back to his seat.
For a second, he even thought he had caught a glimpse of Dawn, but it happened too quickly to be sure.
It was only a couple of days later, when he got her note, that he knew he hadn't been mistaken.
"I'm proud of you.
Mom."
Dawn had always been concise when it came to pride and joy.
Ryan kept the note safely tucked away, holding it as proof that sometimes, things with Dawn could be good too.
Chapter Three
Title : Mothers and Sons
Author : Helen C.
Rating : PG-13
Summary : Dawn and Ryan, and their f'cked up relationship. Also, Theresa and Ryan and their slightly less f'cked up relationship.
Disclaimer : The characters and the universe were created and are owned by Josh Schwartz. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
AN1. This one was inspired by brandywine421's awesome breathe out, breathe in
AN2. I just wanted to explore some more the relationship between Ryan and Dawn (as if entire novels haven't been written about it already!).
I should warn that this is Ryan/Theresa. And yes, I should have remembered beforehand that I suck at writing romance, but the pairing is not the point of the story. I don't know what the point of the story is. I'll just let you guys decide.
Many thanks, as usual, to the ever awesome joey51
Chapter Two
Dawn had always been very good at burning bridges and vanishing.
After what Ryan inwardly referred to as "the glass door incident," he didn't hear from her for four years.
Kirsten and Seth never asked him how he felt about that-they blamed her for what had happened, and Ryan suspected they were scared of what would happen if she ever resurfaced.
Sandy did ask, from time to time, if Ryan wanted him to track Dawn down, if only to make sure she was safe. The offer was genuine, but his look of relief every time Ryan told him not to bother was unmistakable.
***
To say that Ryan surprised the Cohens when he announced, during his second year in Berkeley, that he was planning on going to law school, would have been a ridiculous understatement.
Hell, he even surprised himself.
Seth laughed, for two days, trying to picture Ryan "going Kid Chino" on a judge, trying to picture what a closing argument written by Ryan might be like, asking Sandy if there were awards for brevity in a court room, and generally driving Ryan insane.
It wasn't as if he hadn't struggled with the decision, it wasn't as if he wasn't nervous, and Seth's jokes, no matter how brotherly, good-natured and well-intentioned, were making him even more uncertain.
When the jokes stopped abruptly, without apparent reason, Ryan recognized the hand of The Kirsten in that small miracle, and found yet another reason to be grateful for her.
Kirsten was the first to talk to him about it and he tried to apologize, awkwardly, for letting go of one of the things that had brought them closer at the beginning-the love of architecture.
"Sweetie, you don't have to apologize," she said, predictably. "You have to do what's good for yourself. You know we'll be proud of you no matter what." She smiled. "I guess we're all just a little surprised. We didn't see it coming. And…"
And they were worried he was merely trying to please Sandy by following in his footsteps.
"I'm not…" He fumbled for words. "What I like the most in construction is working with my hands. Seeing the house grow, and know I'm one of the people who made it possible." He tried to put all his conviction in his words, knowing that he needed to convince her. She'd support him either way, but he didn't want her wondering whether he was making a mistake. "I talked to students in architecture, and even to some architects, and…"
"You didn't like what you heard?" she finished for him.
He shrugged sheepishly.
"I understand." To Ryan's relief, there was no doubt in Kirsten's eyes anymore. "I think you'll be a wonderful lawyer."
Ryan released a breath he didn't known he was holding, surprised at how much he still craved her support and acceptance.
Sandy didn't say much at first-Seth even asked if now that Ryan was the talkative one, Sandy was giving up on the spoken word altogether. Kirsten elbowed him just as Ryan was kicking him under the table. Seth took the hint and dropped it.
Sandy waited until he and Ryan had the house to themselves to ask, carefully, "I know Kirsten talked to you."
Ryan gave a tolerant smile. It had been a long time since the Cohens had tag teamed him. "And now it's your turn?" he said.
Sandy chuckled easily, sitting down next to Ryan. "Yup. You know how we are. Always talking."
Ryan nodded in mock assent.
Uncharacteristically, Sandy was the one looking for words this time around. "I just wanted to say… I'm…"
Ryan waited, realizing for the first time that he was tense and wary-afraid that Sandy wouldn't approve, afraid that Sandy would think this was a bad idea. He needed Sandy's support on this, maybe even more than he needed Kirsten's, because in many ways, Sandy was the one who had started all this.
"I'm very proud of you," Sandy said. "I don't say it often enough-"
Ryan couldn't suppress a nervous laugh. "You say it all the time."
Sandy waved his hand dismissively. "Not nearly enough," he repeated. "It means a lot to me that you want to become a lawyer. I know it's your decision, I know you're not trying to do it to please me, but I'm still…"
"Flattered?" Ryan offered when words failed Sandy and he started to rely on hand gestures.
"A little." Sandy shrugged. "What can I say…"
You've said enough, Ryan wanted to say. Thanks. Instead, he asked, "So, you think this is a good idea?"
Sandy shot him an amused glance. "Seth's jokes getting to you?"
"No!" Ryan gathered his thoughts, trying to find a way to ask the question that was nagging at him-no easy feat as he wasn't so sure himself. "Just… Do you think I'm up to it?"
Sandy put a hand on his shoulder. "I think you can do anything you put your mind to. I think you'll be a great lawyer. The way you always fight for others, the way you always try to help them…"
Ryan recalled a few instances when this need to help others had also meant trouble for him. Maybe Seth was right and he was insane to do this.
On the other hand, he had to admit that it felt right-more right than anything else he had ever considered doing with his life.
"I just have to say something." Ryan met Sandy's eyes, recognizing the serious tone. "It's hard. It would be easier if you were heartless, but I know you, Ryan. If you go into public defense, it'll be hard for you." He frowned. "It's hard for me, and my life wasn't half as difficult as yours. Seeing some of these kids, what they've been through… Sometimes, you can help them and it's great. But when you can't, it's really, really hard. And you, kid… You put your heart in everything you do. I know that."
Ryan nodded.
It wasn't anything he hadn't considered already.
It wasn't enough to make him change his mind.
Sandy smiled, breaking the moment. "I'd be proud too if you wanted to become an architect, you know? Or a doctor, or a pilot, or a stripper, or anything."
Ryan chuckled.
"Don't become a stripper," Sandy said, as an afterthought.
Ryan nodded. "Yeah, I know. Okay."
"Kirsten would kill both of us."
***
In truth, Ryan did strip.
Once.
It was at a party during his third year in College, and he was drunk, so that didn't really count-that was his story and he was sticking to it.
And damn Luke for visiting him and then making him drink so much anyway.
Thankfully, as far as he knew, the pictures (and there were pictures, fuck Luke) never made their way to the Cohens.
Yet another tale of college life he'd never be able to tell his children.
***
It wasn't long after that fateful night of drinking and stripping that he ran into Theresa again-literally ran into her while stepping out of Starbucks, his coffee lovingly cradled in his hands (he was growing pathetically addicted to the stuff).
He slammed into her, an automatic apology freezing on his lips when he saw her face-surprised and maybe a little happy, reflecting his own feelings.
"Well, well, Ryan Atwood," she said, her voice shaking with restrained laughter.
"Theresa," he breathed out.
They stood awkwardly for a beat then she motioned to the door. "Wanna…"
He thought about the class he was supposed to attend in less than fifteen minutes, took a look at her and shrugged. "Sure."
***
They didn't speak Marissa's name until two hours and three cups of coffee later.
Theresa brought it up, hesitantly, as if afraid of opening up old wounds.
"I was hoping I'd see you at the funeral," she said. "But you weren't there."
"I kind of lost it for a while." He smiled weakly. "I didn't go. I didn't want to see anyone."
She reached over and gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "I'm sorry. I know what you meant to each other, even if I didn't understand it."
Not many people understood. Hell, even Ryan and Marissa themselves didn't understand, not really. They had just been drawn to each other from day one, and kept orbiting around one another right up until that day.
It was all in the past, now, but he still felt an ache when he thought about her.
What would she have become?
Would they have found a way to make it work?
"Did they ever catch him?" Theresa asked. "The guy who…"
"Yeah." Ryan breathed out a small sigh. "Sandy says he'll be released soon, now."
"That can't be easy," Theresa said. Ryan heard the unspoken "Are you going to go after him?" He wished he could be angry at her for that, but if anyone was entitled to ask, then surely she was.
She was too familiar with Ryan's history to be anything but worried.
"We talked. Before they arrested him. We… I guess you could say we settled things."
He was done with Volchok. He was done with that whole part of his life.
As long as Volchok didn't come after him again, he'd let it rest.
She smiled at him, reassured, and he remembered her worry back in Chino, as his behavior grew increasingly violent, and later in Newport, as Volchok was messing with him and he was falling back into old habits.
"You've changed," she said quietly.
He shook his head. "I still have bad days. They're just not as bad as they once were."
"I'm glad," she said.
There was a comfortable pause, then Ryan said, "So, are you ever going to tell me about Daniel?"
He ordered them a fourth cup of coffee while she fished the pictures from her bag.
***
Ryan stopped by Theresa's place the next day.
Daniel adopted him on the spot, climbing into his arms and refusing to be put down.
"He's sure obstinate," Ryan observed.
Theresa shook her head at her son. "You don't know the half of it."
Holding Daniel, Ryan felt a small pang. It could have been his life, if Theresa had allowed him to stay.
If he hadn't been so damn terrified.
If he hadn't met the Cohens when he had.
He didn't regret how things had turned out, but he did wonder what it would have been like to have this kid calling him "Dad."
***
Theresa's chuckle awoke Ryan from a deep sleep.
He raised his head and saw that he was flopped on the couch, Daniel sound asleep in his arms.
"Uh?" he said unintelligently.
Theresa shook her head, amused. "Honestly, Ryan. You ran from Turo on a big brotherly rage. You were once a car thief, living on the edge." The laughter in her voice was contagious, despite the bittersweet tang of the memories. "And to look at you right now, one might think that this little kid ran you into the ground."
Ryan smiled. "Yeah, you laugh." He dropped his head back on the cushions. "We went to the zoo, he ran everywhere, he wanted ice cream, he wanted to play with a kid his age who, it turned out, didn't speak a word of English, and then he wanted to eat at McDonalds and…"
She sat down on the seat arm, patted his head like she'd calm a hysterical teenaged girl. "There, there. I know, it's hard keeping up with a kid sixteen years younger than yourself."
Ryan smiled. "Fine. Laugh. I don't care."
"So, did you have a good day?" Theresa asked.
Ryan looked down at Daniel again, taking in the blonde hair, the peaceful face as he slept, and felt his heart clench.
"Yeah. It was…" He swallowed, looked at Theresa. "It was very good. I wouldn't mind doing it again."
She snorted. "You didn't lose him. He seems relatively intact, if a little wiped out. I'd say you didn't do too bad." She nodded to herself. "Yes, you can have him again."
***
There was no big revelation, no dramatic scene, when Ryan learned the truth about Daniel-when he finally allowed himself to see the truth.
They were playing, Theresa was watching them both wistfully, and he took another look at Daniel-his eyes, the way he clenched his fists when he made an argument, the way he looked down abashedly whenever someone scolded him.
He looked at Theresa again. She was studying him, biting her lower lip. "I guess we should talk," she said when their eyes met.
They left Daniel in front of the TV and moved to the kitchen. Theresa looked a lot more nervous than he felt. "I always knew you'd find out eventually. I never even planned to lie, I just…"
Ryan nodded, swallowing past the lump in his throat. "I suspected. I didn't…"
I didn't want to see it back then.
My life was approaching something resembling normal for the first time ever, and I was scared to lose that.
I'm still scared of this, scared of losing everything.
"I know."
"I hate being lied to," he said, because it bore repeating.
"I know."
But she had lied because she loved him and wanted what was best for him.
What was more, he had been more than willing to believe the lie. He hadn't pushed, because she had given him exactly what he wanted-a chance at a normal life.
He would be angry at her for a while, because she had made the decision alone, and he didn't like to be kept in the dark, and because it hurt, having missed such a big part of his son's life.
He'd get over it, because he had always forgiven Theresa for everything and because he had been an almost-willing participant.
Besides, at least, her heart had been in the right place.
"What now?" he asked.
***
What surprised the Cohens the most wasn't the news that Ryan had a kid. Kirsten, after all, had seen Daniel, and probably hadn't believed Theresa back then.
What surprised them the most was that Ryan didn't decide to drop out of college to pay for his son, and didn't say he was going to ask Theresa to marry him, or that he was going to adopt Daniel.
He could tell they expected him to.
And with reason.
He had considered it-for about three seconds.
Then, Theresa had glared at him and said, "Don't even think about it, Atwood. I don't need to be saved." Hands on her hips, she had stared him down. "And I can still kick your ass."
He knew better than to argue with Theresa when she glared.
So, when Sandy asked "What now?" almost fearfully, clearly bracing himself for an uphill battle, Ryan got to stun him again.
"Now, I finish college, and find a job. And, you know, spend time with my son."
His voice caught a little on "son," and Sandy smiled.
"Still haven't gotten used to saying it out loud?"
Ryan shook his head, fighting a stunned smile.
"Trust me, and you know I love you and Seth more than life, but by the time he's sixteen, you'll be more than used to it; it'll have grown old already." Sandy paused and added, "Except for all the times when it still leaves you astonished."
Ryan's smile brightened.
***
"Theresa used to be scared of me," Ryan said.
Kirsten set her kitchen book to the side and studied him for a while. He looked lost, overwhelmed and as happy as she had ever seen him, all at once.
She wondered if it had sunk in yet, or if he was still adjusting.
"She said she couldn't deal with my bad days." He swallowed. "And I know sometimes, you and Sandy get worried too."
She smiled sadly. "We're less worried these days."
"I haven't had a good reason to lose it in a long time," he pointed out. "Who knows what will happen when I do?"
She resisted the urge to take him in her arms. He needed words more than physical comfort right now.
"You'll be a wonderful father, Ryan." He looked up, surprised. She hoped she was finding the right words to convince him. "Not in spite of your past, but because of it." She pulled him close to her. "I believe in you. So does Sandy. Trust me."
"I do."
***
On graduation day, the Cohens stood and clapped hard, beaming at Ryan, taking pictures, their obvious pride making him blush.
Theresa held Daniel's hand and pointed at him, and he could see him mouth, "Daddy." Ryan had to blink back tears as he made his way back to his seat.
For a second, he even thought he had caught a glimpse of Dawn, but it happened too quickly to be sure.
It was only a couple of days later, when he got her note, that he knew he hadn't been mistaken.
"I'm proud of you.
Mom."
Dawn had always been concise when it came to pride and joy.
Ryan kept the note safely tucked away, holding it as proof that sometimes, things with Dawn could be good too.
Chapter Three