OC Fic : Mothers and Sons (5/6)
Title : Mothers and Sons
Author : Helen C.
Rating : PG-13
Summary : Dawn and Ryan, and their f'cked up relationship. Also, Theresa and Ryan and their slightly less f'cked up relationship.
Disclaimer : The characters and the universe were created and are owned by Josh Schwartz. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
AN1. This one was inspired by brandywine421's awesome breathe out, breathe in
AN2. I just wanted to explore some more the relationship between Ryan and Dawn (as if entire novels haven't been written about it already!).
I should warn that this is Ryan/Theresa. And yes, I should have remembered beforehand that I suck at writing romance, but the pairing is not the point of the story. I don't know what the point of the story is. I'll just let you guys decide.
Many thanks, as usual, to the ever awesome joey51 for betaing this!
Chapter Five
Dawn didn't stay long after the wedding.
Dawn never stayed long.
She kept her promise, though-she remained sober the whole day, she didn't make a scene, she talked with the Cohens and Theresa, and she even played with Daniel, and held him close when he started to get tired and grumpy.
Seeing her holding her grandson made Ryan realize how lonely her life must be, how disconnected she must feel from the rest of the family. Hell, Trey had never even seen Daniel, and hadn't called Ryan in ages-Chris, Sandy's PI friend, said that Trey seemed to have dropped off the face of earth. As for Ryan's father, no one had heard from him since his too-short visit in Newport, the year after Marissa's death. Ryan refused to feel disappointed.
All the Atwoods were distant from one another, all of them had good reasons for it, and maybe that was one of the reasons why Ryan never refused to keep an eye on Dawn. She was the only one he was still in semi-regular contact with, the only remaining link to his first family.
"It's incredible how much he looks like you at that age," Dawn whispered to Ryan before leaving.
"I know." Ryan just hoped his son had inherited his mother's character. The kid didn't need Ryan's tendency to settle things with violence. "You could come see him from time to time, you know," he offered. "If you want."
Dawn seemed taken aback for a moment, then nodded. "I'll try. Okay. I'd like that."
Ryan heard what she didn't say-"I'll try to hold it together enough for that, but I'm not sure I can."
He wasn't sure she could either, and he'd never allow her anywhere near Daniel if she wasn't sober, or without supervision, but he felt he should offer what little he could.
Maybe a grandson would give her another reason to get her life back together.
***
When Dawn called Ryan, four months later, she wasn't crying.
She sounded terrified and her whispers sent shivers running down Ryan's spine, but she wasn't babbling incoherently the way she usually did when she called for help.
He took that as a good sign.
Ryan promised her he would come, promised Theresa that he would wait for Chris before going in, promised himself that he wouldn't be disappointed by Dawn's inability to be part of his life for more than a day without a crisis, and hurried to Chino.
He called Chris on the way, but the man never picked up his phone.
Ryan waited anxiously in the car for about ten, minutes, pondering what to do next.
He had left a message for Chris and he didn't doubt that he would join the party as soon as he was able, but did Ryan have the time to wait-or rather, could Dawn afford to wait?
Ryan was seriously considering calling Sandy for backup when he heard a crash from inside the house.
He was twenty-five, he reasoned. He was an adult and he knew how to fight. He stood more of a chance than he had as a lost sixteen-year-old kid.
He'd try to get Dawn out, and if it didn't work, he'd step back and wait for Chris.
Maybe buying some time would be enough to avoid a tragedy.
His decision made, he stepped out of the car and headed to the house, ignoring the gut feeling that said he was going to regret this, and that he was definitely going to make Theresa mad.
***
Dawn's boyfriend didn't put up too much of a fight. He screamed at Ryan and at Dawn, then he threw a beer can at Ryan, but he was so wasted that his aim was totally off and the can missed its target by several feet.
He didn't try to stop Dawn when she followed Ryan.
He didn't even really try to hit Ryan.
He just stood there, glaring and insulting, while the two Atwoods made their way to the door.
"Maybe I should go back," Dawn said hesitantly once they neared the car. "He seemed to have calmed down."
Why the hell did you call if you didn't plan on making good on your escape, Mom? Ryan wondered acidly.
"Come on, Ma," he said. "You can always come back later if that's what you want, but let him get sober first, okay?" Do it for me if you won't do it for yourself.
He was so busy coaxing her into the car that he didn't notice the boyfriend of the day sneaking up behind him.
He saw something from the corner of his eye and spun, too late to avoid the blow to the head.
***
He woke up fifteen hours later, with a pounding headache that made him spend several minutes incoherently begging for someone to shut off the lights.
He felt a burning up his arm, and when he finally felt like he could breathe again, the pain finally tuned down to a manageable level, he risked opening his eyes again.
A grim looking man was standing next to him, frowning. "Better?" he asked.
"Yeah." His voice was scratchy and it kind of hurt talking.
What the hell had happened to him?
"Good."
Without allowing Ryan to ask what he was doing here and where his family was, the man launched in a series of questions-"What's your name?" "Your birth date?" "Who's the President?" "Ten plus two minus six?"-that made Ryan wish he hadn't opened his eyes in the first place.
At some point during the exam, between, "What's your mother's maiden name?" and "Do you remember what you last ate?", it came back to him.
Dawn.
Dawn had called, and Chris hadn't been around, and he had gone alone, and fuck, the Cohens were going to be pissed and, even worse, worried.
"Well, you're going to have one hell of a headache for a while," the doctor said. "It's a hairline fracture of the skull. And you have three broken ribs." Ryan wondered when he had gotten those. He didn't remember taking any hits, aside from the one to the head.
The doctor took a breath, before adding, "But, at least, you don't seem to have scrambled your brain too badly."
Ryan didn't have anything to say to that. After a short while, the doctor stopped waiting for a reaction and gestured to the door. "Assuming there are no more complications, you should be released in about a week. In the meantime, your family's here to see you."
Ryan tried to brace himself in the few seconds before the doctor's departure and the Cohens' and Theresa's arrival.
As soon as he saw them, faces drawn with worry, he looked down. "Sorry."
No one acknowledged the apology.
"How are you?" Theresa asked. He couldn't decide whether she looked more angry than worried or the other way around.
"Tired," Ryan replied. "My head still hurts."
She smiled bitterly. "I'm sure it does. You woke up once before. Five hours ago. You were screaming."
Ryan muttered, weakly, "I don't remember."
"No, I don't supposed you do." She looked about to cry all of a sudden. "Don't ever do that again."
"Theresa," he said, trying to sit up, to reach out to her.
It proved to be a bad idea.
The wave of dizziness hit without warning, and Ryan felt hands pushing him down, heard a panicked call for help, and a whispered, distant, "It's okay."
There was a choked laugh somewhere above him. "Of course, it's okay. Fuck, Ryan."
A nurse entered the room and held a basin in front of Ryan, just as he lost the battle with his stomach. Being sick with broken ribs was an experience he hadn't tried before and given how much it hurt, he hoped he would never have to again.
When the nausea finally settled, the nurse gently said, "Avoid moving."
"Yeah, I think he got the message," Seth said sarcastically.
Ryan allowed the nurse to help him lay back down and closed his eyes, exhausted. "Sorry," he said again.
Theresa walked over and took his hand in hers. "Just sleep," she said. "We'll talk later."
***
Ryan spent the next two days alternately apologizing and trying to reassure everyone that he was fine-if embarrassed and guilty.
Kirsten almost cried when she told him about the phone call late in the night, announcing that he was in the hospital and they needed to come. "These phone calls don't get any easier," she said weakly.
How many of those had there been since he had come to live with them? Too many. He didn't even want to imagine going through that with Daniel.
Apologizing didn't really fix anything, but he tried anyway.
***
Sandy and Chris came to visit him together. They both looked beat, in their wrinkled suits and matching somber expressions.
"I'm sorry I didn't make it there in time," Chris said.
Ryan wanted to protest that he didn't need a damn babysitter, but obviously, he did.
"I was on the road when I got your message, and I made it as fast as I could." As fast as he could, he then explained, turned out to be just in time to see Mr. Boyfriend-of-the-day clog Ryan on the head with the baseball bat. Then kick him in the chest.
"Ouch," Ryan sighed. He had been wondering what the hell he'd been hit with.
"And by the way," Sandy said, looking more serious than Ryan had ever seen him, Oliver era included, "You are strictly forbidden to get anywhere near one of Dawn's boyfriend without either Chris or myself. I don't care if you think you can take them, I don't care that you're an adult and I can't technically order you around anymore, you will call one of us, or there'll be hell to pay."
"Worse than a hairline fracture and a week in the hospital?" Ryan snapped.
Sandy sighed and Ryan lowered his eyes.
He wasn't even mad at Sandy-the man was just an easy, available target for an anger that Ryan didn't know where to direct anymore.
He was mad at Dawn, at her boyfriends, all of them, at himself, for still rushing in, for needing a protection even now, now that he had his life and his family to think about.
"Sorry," he said.
"It's okay," Sandy replied. He sat on the edge of the bed. "You scared us. We should be used to that, but we're not."
"You shouldn't have to be used to it." Ryan looked between Chris and Sandy. "I'm the one who should be more careful, who should stop getting into these situations."
"But we all know you can't do that." Sandy patted his hand. "We worry, and we can only try to help, but you know there isn't a lot we can do if you decide to go on your own." He smiled mischievously, trying to lighten the mood. "Though I did hear that wife of yours say something about chains and walls."
Ryan chuckled nervously. Theresa was capable of a lot of things, when sufficiently annoyed.
He waited until Chris was gone before asking Sandy, "She left with him, didn't she?"
Sandy looked at him, his face compassionate. "Yes, she did. According to Chris, she left willingly."
Ryan knew that should have reassured him, and in a way it did, but it also hurt that she had chosen to go with the man who, for all she had known then, might just as well have killed Ryan.
It would almost have been easier if she had forced to go with the guy. At least that might have meant that she cared enough to be worried about him.
Sometimes, he wondered why he still bothered hoping for things to get better between them. Then he thought back about his wedding day, about how she had acted then, and decided that this was why-she had good days sometimes, and he still wanted to be part of those.
***
"Dad?"
A small hand shook his arm, jolting him from his sleep.
"Daniel?" Ryan asked, groggily.
It was early in the day, and his visitors wouldn't start arriving until several hours yet.
The boy smiled up at him and climbed on the chair closest to the bed.
That was when Ryan noticed that Theresa wasn't around. He groaned inwardly, hoping she was just talking to the nurses, or to his doctor. "Does your mom know you're here?" Ryan asked.
Daniel's guilty face was answer enough.
Sighing, Ryan picked up the phone and dialed Theresa's number. Her frantic voice when she answered told him that she had noticed Daniel was missing.
"He's here," he said before she could say more than, "Ryan?"
She sighed and whispered, "I'm going to kill him. I told him I'd take him with me tonight."
"I know." Daniel was looking at him, trying to look innocent, and Ryan shook his head at him.
"I'll come get him," Theresa said.
Something in the tone of her voice made Ryan try, "Well, it's Saturday. Since he's here…"
"Oh, of course. Let him win, why don't you?"
There was no real bite in her tone, just fatigue, and he said softly, "Why don't you sleep for a few hours, in the meantime? You're always here, or at work, or taking care of him. You must be tired."
She gave a strangled laugh. "I am. He won't tire you out?"
"I doubt it."
"Okay." It sounded like she was admitting defeat, and Ryan didn't like to hear that tone in his wife's voice, but he couldn't do anything about it right now. Only time-and better judgment calls in the future-could make things better.
They hung up on whispered goodbyes and Ryan watched his son, who was looking around curiously.
"Okay, there, buddy?" he asked.
Daniel faced him, nodding gravely.
"How did you come here?"
"I took the bus." A hint of pride showed on his face as he added, "I looked it up on the Internet. I had to change two times, but I didn't get lost."
"That's great, Daniel. But next time, ask your mom, okay? She was very worried." Knowing how hypocritical it made him, he added, "You can't just go off like that without warning us."
"Do I have to go back now?"
Ryan smiled. "Nah. You can stay here a while."
Daniel nodded and started swinging his legs over the edge of the seat. He looked small in this unfamiliar room, and his voice was low when he asked "What happened?"
"What did your mother tell you?"
"She said you'd been hurt by a bad man and you were going to be fine. She didn't take me earlier because she said you were too tired."
"I was," Ryan said. "But I'm better now, see?"
"Who was the bad man? Is he going to hurt you again?"
Ryan swallowed. "No. He was just someone my mother knew, but he's gone now." With her, damn it.
"Why did he hurt you?" Daniel insisted.
Ryan didn't see himself explaining to his son that some people were just violent, so he settled for the next best approximation. "He was sick. But I don't want you to worry about it, okay?"
Daniel nodded. "Your mom isn't here?"
Ryan swallowed. "No. She had a few things to take care of."
He was starting to grow tired, fielding all these questions.
"Dad?"
"Yeah?"
"If you need to sleep, that's okay. I can stay here."
Ryan felt his eyes close despite himself. He tried to resist sleep, wary of letting Daniel alone in a hospital, until Sandy's voice said, "Sleep, Ryan. The little one and I are going to have a talk."
He drifted off, reassured to know that Sandy would take care of things.
***
"It'll never stop, will it?" Theresa asked, the night Ryan came home from the hospital.
"I'm sorry." Ryan felt like a damn parrot, repeating apologies over and over again, but he needed to say it.
"Don't be sorry," she snapped. "Don't you get how scared I am for you?"
He was scared too-for himself, for Dawn, for his friends and his family. He didn't want to die. Didn't want to put them through any more grief than they had already been through.
But…
"She's my mother."
Theresa shook her head. "She's a bitch who doesn't know how lucky she is to have you."
"I know."
She pulled him close, her arm warm against his waist. "What will it take for it to stop?" she muttered, half to herself.
It wouldn't stop until Dawn was dead.
For all of Ryan's efforts to keep her alive, one day, he would be too late.
One day, she was going to take too much drugs, or be hit too hard, or drink too much, and then…
"I'm sorry," Ryan repeated.
He wished he had something better to say-some explanation of why, even after all these years, he was still torn between two lives, two worlds.
Two families.
He didn't have one.
Chapter Six
Author : Helen C.
Rating : PG-13
Summary : Dawn and Ryan, and their f'cked up relationship. Also, Theresa and Ryan and their slightly less f'cked up relationship.
Disclaimer : The characters and the universe were created and are owned by Josh Schwartz. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
AN1. This one was inspired by brandywine421's awesome breathe out, breathe in
AN2. I just wanted to explore some more the relationship between Ryan and Dawn (as if entire novels haven't been written about it already!).
I should warn that this is Ryan/Theresa. And yes, I should have remembered beforehand that I suck at writing romance, but the pairing is not the point of the story. I don't know what the point of the story is. I'll just let you guys decide.
Many thanks, as usual, to the ever awesome joey51 for betaing this!
Chapter Five
Dawn didn't stay long after the wedding.
Dawn never stayed long.
She kept her promise, though-she remained sober the whole day, she didn't make a scene, she talked with the Cohens and Theresa, and she even played with Daniel, and held him close when he started to get tired and grumpy.
Seeing her holding her grandson made Ryan realize how lonely her life must be, how disconnected she must feel from the rest of the family. Hell, Trey had never even seen Daniel, and hadn't called Ryan in ages-Chris, Sandy's PI friend, said that Trey seemed to have dropped off the face of earth. As for Ryan's father, no one had heard from him since his too-short visit in Newport, the year after Marissa's death. Ryan refused to feel disappointed.
All the Atwoods were distant from one another, all of them had good reasons for it, and maybe that was one of the reasons why Ryan never refused to keep an eye on Dawn. She was the only one he was still in semi-regular contact with, the only remaining link to his first family.
"It's incredible how much he looks like you at that age," Dawn whispered to Ryan before leaving.
"I know." Ryan just hoped his son had inherited his mother's character. The kid didn't need Ryan's tendency to settle things with violence. "You could come see him from time to time, you know," he offered. "If you want."
Dawn seemed taken aback for a moment, then nodded. "I'll try. Okay. I'd like that."
Ryan heard what she didn't say-"I'll try to hold it together enough for that, but I'm not sure I can."
He wasn't sure she could either, and he'd never allow her anywhere near Daniel if she wasn't sober, or without supervision, but he felt he should offer what little he could.
Maybe a grandson would give her another reason to get her life back together.
***
When Dawn called Ryan, four months later, she wasn't crying.
She sounded terrified and her whispers sent shivers running down Ryan's spine, but she wasn't babbling incoherently the way she usually did when she called for help.
He took that as a good sign.
Ryan promised her he would come, promised Theresa that he would wait for Chris before going in, promised himself that he wouldn't be disappointed by Dawn's inability to be part of his life for more than a day without a crisis, and hurried to Chino.
He called Chris on the way, but the man never picked up his phone.
Ryan waited anxiously in the car for about ten, minutes, pondering what to do next.
He had left a message for Chris and he didn't doubt that he would join the party as soon as he was able, but did Ryan have the time to wait-or rather, could Dawn afford to wait?
Ryan was seriously considering calling Sandy for backup when he heard a crash from inside the house.
He was twenty-five, he reasoned. He was an adult and he knew how to fight. He stood more of a chance than he had as a lost sixteen-year-old kid.
He'd try to get Dawn out, and if it didn't work, he'd step back and wait for Chris.
Maybe buying some time would be enough to avoid a tragedy.
His decision made, he stepped out of the car and headed to the house, ignoring the gut feeling that said he was going to regret this, and that he was definitely going to make Theresa mad.
***
Dawn's boyfriend didn't put up too much of a fight. He screamed at Ryan and at Dawn, then he threw a beer can at Ryan, but he was so wasted that his aim was totally off and the can missed its target by several feet.
He didn't try to stop Dawn when she followed Ryan.
He didn't even really try to hit Ryan.
He just stood there, glaring and insulting, while the two Atwoods made their way to the door.
"Maybe I should go back," Dawn said hesitantly once they neared the car. "He seemed to have calmed down."
Why the hell did you call if you didn't plan on making good on your escape, Mom? Ryan wondered acidly.
"Come on, Ma," he said. "You can always come back later if that's what you want, but let him get sober first, okay?" Do it for me if you won't do it for yourself.
He was so busy coaxing her into the car that he didn't notice the boyfriend of the day sneaking up behind him.
He saw something from the corner of his eye and spun, too late to avoid the blow to the head.
***
He woke up fifteen hours later, with a pounding headache that made him spend several minutes incoherently begging for someone to shut off the lights.
He felt a burning up his arm, and when he finally felt like he could breathe again, the pain finally tuned down to a manageable level, he risked opening his eyes again.
A grim looking man was standing next to him, frowning. "Better?" he asked.
"Yeah." His voice was scratchy and it kind of hurt talking.
What the hell had happened to him?
"Good."
Without allowing Ryan to ask what he was doing here and where his family was, the man launched in a series of questions-"What's your name?" "Your birth date?" "Who's the President?" "Ten plus two minus six?"-that made Ryan wish he hadn't opened his eyes in the first place.
At some point during the exam, between, "What's your mother's maiden name?" and "Do you remember what you last ate?", it came back to him.
Dawn.
Dawn had called, and Chris hadn't been around, and he had gone alone, and fuck, the Cohens were going to be pissed and, even worse, worried.
"Well, you're going to have one hell of a headache for a while," the doctor said. "It's a hairline fracture of the skull. And you have three broken ribs." Ryan wondered when he had gotten those. He didn't remember taking any hits, aside from the one to the head.
The doctor took a breath, before adding, "But, at least, you don't seem to have scrambled your brain too badly."
Ryan didn't have anything to say to that. After a short while, the doctor stopped waiting for a reaction and gestured to the door. "Assuming there are no more complications, you should be released in about a week. In the meantime, your family's here to see you."
Ryan tried to brace himself in the few seconds before the doctor's departure and the Cohens' and Theresa's arrival.
As soon as he saw them, faces drawn with worry, he looked down. "Sorry."
No one acknowledged the apology.
"How are you?" Theresa asked. He couldn't decide whether she looked more angry than worried or the other way around.
"Tired," Ryan replied. "My head still hurts."
She smiled bitterly. "I'm sure it does. You woke up once before. Five hours ago. You were screaming."
Ryan muttered, weakly, "I don't remember."
"No, I don't supposed you do." She looked about to cry all of a sudden. "Don't ever do that again."
"Theresa," he said, trying to sit up, to reach out to her.
It proved to be a bad idea.
The wave of dizziness hit without warning, and Ryan felt hands pushing him down, heard a panicked call for help, and a whispered, distant, "It's okay."
There was a choked laugh somewhere above him. "Of course, it's okay. Fuck, Ryan."
A nurse entered the room and held a basin in front of Ryan, just as he lost the battle with his stomach. Being sick with broken ribs was an experience he hadn't tried before and given how much it hurt, he hoped he would never have to again.
When the nausea finally settled, the nurse gently said, "Avoid moving."
"Yeah, I think he got the message," Seth said sarcastically.
Ryan allowed the nurse to help him lay back down and closed his eyes, exhausted. "Sorry," he said again.
Theresa walked over and took his hand in hers. "Just sleep," she said. "We'll talk later."
***
Ryan spent the next two days alternately apologizing and trying to reassure everyone that he was fine-if embarrassed and guilty.
Kirsten almost cried when she told him about the phone call late in the night, announcing that he was in the hospital and they needed to come. "These phone calls don't get any easier," she said weakly.
How many of those had there been since he had come to live with them? Too many. He didn't even want to imagine going through that with Daniel.
Apologizing didn't really fix anything, but he tried anyway.
***
Sandy and Chris came to visit him together. They both looked beat, in their wrinkled suits and matching somber expressions.
"I'm sorry I didn't make it there in time," Chris said.
Ryan wanted to protest that he didn't need a damn babysitter, but obviously, he did.
"I was on the road when I got your message, and I made it as fast as I could." As fast as he could, he then explained, turned out to be just in time to see Mr. Boyfriend-of-the-day clog Ryan on the head with the baseball bat. Then kick him in the chest.
"Ouch," Ryan sighed. He had been wondering what the hell he'd been hit with.
"And by the way," Sandy said, looking more serious than Ryan had ever seen him, Oliver era included, "You are strictly forbidden to get anywhere near one of Dawn's boyfriend without either Chris or myself. I don't care if you think you can take them, I don't care that you're an adult and I can't technically order you around anymore, you will call one of us, or there'll be hell to pay."
"Worse than a hairline fracture and a week in the hospital?" Ryan snapped.
Sandy sighed and Ryan lowered his eyes.
He wasn't even mad at Sandy-the man was just an easy, available target for an anger that Ryan didn't know where to direct anymore.
He was mad at Dawn, at her boyfriends, all of them, at himself, for still rushing in, for needing a protection even now, now that he had his life and his family to think about.
"Sorry," he said.
"It's okay," Sandy replied. He sat on the edge of the bed. "You scared us. We should be used to that, but we're not."
"You shouldn't have to be used to it." Ryan looked between Chris and Sandy. "I'm the one who should be more careful, who should stop getting into these situations."
"But we all know you can't do that." Sandy patted his hand. "We worry, and we can only try to help, but you know there isn't a lot we can do if you decide to go on your own." He smiled mischievously, trying to lighten the mood. "Though I did hear that wife of yours say something about chains and walls."
Ryan chuckled nervously. Theresa was capable of a lot of things, when sufficiently annoyed.
He waited until Chris was gone before asking Sandy, "She left with him, didn't she?"
Sandy looked at him, his face compassionate. "Yes, she did. According to Chris, she left willingly."
Ryan knew that should have reassured him, and in a way it did, but it also hurt that she had chosen to go with the man who, for all she had known then, might just as well have killed Ryan.
It would almost have been easier if she had forced to go with the guy. At least that might have meant that she cared enough to be worried about him.
Sometimes, he wondered why he still bothered hoping for things to get better between them. Then he thought back about his wedding day, about how she had acted then, and decided that this was why-she had good days sometimes, and he still wanted to be part of those.
***
"Dad?"
A small hand shook his arm, jolting him from his sleep.
"Daniel?" Ryan asked, groggily.
It was early in the day, and his visitors wouldn't start arriving until several hours yet.
The boy smiled up at him and climbed on the chair closest to the bed.
That was when Ryan noticed that Theresa wasn't around. He groaned inwardly, hoping she was just talking to the nurses, or to his doctor. "Does your mom know you're here?" Ryan asked.
Daniel's guilty face was answer enough.
Sighing, Ryan picked up the phone and dialed Theresa's number. Her frantic voice when she answered told him that she had noticed Daniel was missing.
"He's here," he said before she could say more than, "Ryan?"
She sighed and whispered, "I'm going to kill him. I told him I'd take him with me tonight."
"I know." Daniel was looking at him, trying to look innocent, and Ryan shook his head at him.
"I'll come get him," Theresa said.
Something in the tone of her voice made Ryan try, "Well, it's Saturday. Since he's here…"
"Oh, of course. Let him win, why don't you?"
There was no real bite in her tone, just fatigue, and he said softly, "Why don't you sleep for a few hours, in the meantime? You're always here, or at work, or taking care of him. You must be tired."
She gave a strangled laugh. "I am. He won't tire you out?"
"I doubt it."
"Okay." It sounded like she was admitting defeat, and Ryan didn't like to hear that tone in his wife's voice, but he couldn't do anything about it right now. Only time-and better judgment calls in the future-could make things better.
They hung up on whispered goodbyes and Ryan watched his son, who was looking around curiously.
"Okay, there, buddy?" he asked.
Daniel faced him, nodding gravely.
"How did you come here?"
"I took the bus." A hint of pride showed on his face as he added, "I looked it up on the Internet. I had to change two times, but I didn't get lost."
"That's great, Daniel. But next time, ask your mom, okay? She was very worried." Knowing how hypocritical it made him, he added, "You can't just go off like that without warning us."
"Do I have to go back now?"
Ryan smiled. "Nah. You can stay here a while."
Daniel nodded and started swinging his legs over the edge of the seat. He looked small in this unfamiliar room, and his voice was low when he asked "What happened?"
"What did your mother tell you?"
"She said you'd been hurt by a bad man and you were going to be fine. She didn't take me earlier because she said you were too tired."
"I was," Ryan said. "But I'm better now, see?"
"Who was the bad man? Is he going to hurt you again?"
Ryan swallowed. "No. He was just someone my mother knew, but he's gone now." With her, damn it.
"Why did he hurt you?" Daniel insisted.
Ryan didn't see himself explaining to his son that some people were just violent, so he settled for the next best approximation. "He was sick. But I don't want you to worry about it, okay?"
Daniel nodded. "Your mom isn't here?"
Ryan swallowed. "No. She had a few things to take care of."
He was starting to grow tired, fielding all these questions.
"Dad?"
"Yeah?"
"If you need to sleep, that's okay. I can stay here."
Ryan felt his eyes close despite himself. He tried to resist sleep, wary of letting Daniel alone in a hospital, until Sandy's voice said, "Sleep, Ryan. The little one and I are going to have a talk."
He drifted off, reassured to know that Sandy would take care of things.
***
"It'll never stop, will it?" Theresa asked, the night Ryan came home from the hospital.
"I'm sorry." Ryan felt like a damn parrot, repeating apologies over and over again, but he needed to say it.
"Don't be sorry," she snapped. "Don't you get how scared I am for you?"
He was scared too-for himself, for Dawn, for his friends and his family. He didn't want to die. Didn't want to put them through any more grief than they had already been through.
But…
"She's my mother."
Theresa shook her head. "She's a bitch who doesn't know how lucky she is to have you."
"I know."
She pulled him close, her arm warm against his waist. "What will it take for it to stop?" she muttered, half to herself.
It wouldn't stop until Dawn was dead.
For all of Ryan's efforts to keep her alive, one day, he would be too late.
One day, she was going to take too much drugs, or be hit too hard, or drink too much, and then…
"I'm sorry," Ryan repeated.
He wished he had something better to say-some explanation of why, even after all these years, he was still torn between two lives, two worlds.
Two families.
He didn't have one.
Chapter Six