BSG Fic : Long Time Coming (4/17)
Title : Long Time Coming
Author : Helen C.
Rating : PG-13
Summary : It was the only visible scar still left over by Baltar's trial, now that President Roslin was dead; Apollo's absence and the Admiral's obvious weariness.
Fandom : BSG
Spoilers : Everything aired so far is fair game.
Disclaimer : The characters and the universe were created and are owned by Ronald D. Moore and Universal Television Studios to name but a few. No money is being made. No copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
AN. Goes AU between the verdict and the Cylon attack in Crossroads II.
AN2. Eternal gratitude to joey51 for beta'ing this! As usual, I tinkered. All remaining mistakes are mine.
Chapter Three
Three years ago
Charlie was generous-both as a friend and as a human being. She freely gave of her time to help out as a nurse, whenever people on the Orion needed help. She was an easy going, optimistic, bright woman, easy to like and fun to hang out with. When she was angry, though, she could also be a force to be reckoned with and she didn't pull her punches, as Lee learned the hard way when she barged into his quarters without knocking. "Okay, asshole," she said.
Lee would have protested the intrusion if she hadn't looked ready to throttle him. After one glance at her furious expression, however, he kept his "Hey, I could have been busy" to himself. "Why the frak is Sam crying in my quarters?" Charlie asked. "What did you do?"
"Why do you assume I did anything?" Lee asked, vaguely insulted. Sure, he was clueless when it came to women; he didn't mind admitting it (not that denying it would have done much good, considering his track record). He had trouble communicating (though he was good at writing official reports, back when that ability was still useful in his life), he didn't trust, he didn't like the idea of commitment, but he wasn't in the habit of making women cry.
And he should have gotten to his feet when Charlie had entered the room. She was looming over him now, her face thunderous, and he felt distinctly overpowered, despite the fact that he had several inches and about twenty pounds on her.
She glared at him.
He stared back at her.
The face off would have lasted longer if she hadn't been so angry, but she broke it off eventually to smack him upside the head.
"Hey!" he said. Not the most effective defense ever, but he didn't think the situation called for a soap box speech and that was the only thing he was good at.
Okay, fine, he had screwed up.
He hadn't thought they had reached the tears stage yet, though.
It had been an innocent conversation, after all. At first. Then, somewhere along the line, as Lee was saying something about the Fleet not having many resources left, she had said, "I'm pregnant."
And, okay, it had surprised him.
And yes, he had a tendency to react badly to surprises.
He hadn't said anything. She had taken that as a sign that… well, he wasn't sure what she had heard in his silence. What he knew was that she had left before he could find anything to say.
And apparently, she had run to her friend before he could even start to deal with the news, and frak, but why did women always stick with each other in these cases? First, they ambushed men, caught them off guard and dropped their bombshells, and if it wasn't followed by The Right Answer in five seconds, then the test was considered a failure and where was the justice in that?
"You're an idiot," Charlie said.
Lee didn't think that explaining he had been surprised would cut him much slack, so he nodded. He was an idiot.
"Fix this," she snapped before leaving.
"How?" Lee asked, but either she didn't hear him, as she was so busy slamming the hatch behind her, or she chose to ignore him.
*
"Bugger," Scott said when Lee stopped talking.
Romo looked amused-Romo generally looked amused whenever Lee said or did anything. Lee chose not to read anything into that-and Nate snickered into his drink.
"Yeah." Lee downed his glass in one swig and reached for the bottle. He needed a refill. He needed lots and lots of refills.
Nate frowned. "I'm not sure getting drunk is the answer to your problem."
He was probably right but since Lee didn't know what the solution was, drinking would do for now.
"Think about it logically," Romo said. "You like logic, don't you?"
Lee glared at him; unfortunately, Romo seemed utterly unimpressed.
Fine, logically, what were the options? Get married and keep the baby. Get married and not keep the baby. Not get married and keep the baby. Not get married and not keep the baby.
Yeah.
That helped, all right.
He thought about Gianne, back on Caprica, remembering her eyes when she had understood that he was going to take the coward's way out. Her face still haunted him, years later.
He tried to picture Sam looking at him with those eyes and felt like hitting himself.
Romo gestured to Scott. "Come on, let's get some air," he said.
For someone so smart, Romo could be very unsubtle, sometimes.
Once they were gone, Nate sighed. "I think they're counting on me to be the voice of reason," he said. He didn't sound too enthusiastic about it.
"One of the privileges of old age," Lee retorted, but truth was, he didn't feel like snarking at his friend.
"Except I've never been in this situation."
Lucky you, Lee thought. Me? I can't keep out of this situation. "I have a bad track record with women," Lee pointed out. "Seriously. Terrible."
"Can't be worse than mine," Nate said. Nate, for all his good looks-blond, slowly graying hair, blue eyes, and his mysterious attitude when it came to his past experience and his job-was totally incapable of staying with the same woman for more than two weeks.
Still, when it came to being a screw-up, Lee could swim circles around him. "I dumped my girlfriend on Caprica when she got pregnant. I slept with my brother's ex-fiancée, and she got married to another guy the same night, while I was sleeping. I then got married to someone who hoped I was my father. I cheated on my wife with the other woman. Who died. Shortly after that, my wife dumped me when she realized I wasn't the man she thought she had married."
Without the alcohol, he would never have talked about that.
Even with the alcohol, spelling it out in such a way made it even worse.
Nate stared at him, obviously torn between amusement and concern. "Wow," he finally said.
Lee shrugged. "What can I say? I'm a true child of divorce." Did he care that he sounded like a bitter, spoiled kid? Not one bit.
"I don't know what to tell you," Nate said. "Except, change. Because seriously, Lee, we all like you, but Sam was my friend long before you came along, and if she keeps crying over you, I'll have to kick your ass." He stared at his empty glass, sighed. "Unless of course you think the two of you will be horribly unhappy together, in which case…"
Lee was already shaking his head. He had spent a lot of time in the last three days trying to imagine his life without Sam and he hadn't liked what he had seen. He wanted to be with her. He just wasn't sure he wouldn't screw things up. He didn't want to do to Sam what he had done to Gianne and Dee.
"This isn't just about the baby, is it?" Nate asked, his voice soft and sympathetic. Damn him. Lee didn't want sympathy, he wanted a swift kick up the ass. At least, he knew how to deal with that.
Lee thought about Kara, about the feeling of being stabbed in the gut when he had learned that she had gone and married Anders. It still hurt, even after all this time.
Oh, so now I'm your excuse for being unable to commit to anyone? You were like that long before we met, Apollo.
You didn't help.
I know.
He closed his eyes, knowing what she was going to say next.
Deal with it. Move on. If you don't…
If he didn't, he'd lose Sam. He may not feel ready to get married again, but he sure as hell was even less ready to see her walk away.
*
"I don't want you to do this because of the baby," Sam said, for what felt like the ten thousandth time.
"I'm not," Lee replied, again.
Sam looked him straight in the eyes, head held high. She had been sick two times since they had started to talk and she looked like she wanted nothing more than to lie down. Yet, she stubbornly refused to even sit. "Are you sure?"
Lee had never been more sure of anything in his life. He had also never been so terrified. Come on, he thought. You faced down Centurions, you can do this. Yeah, right. Pep talks had never been his specialty.
He took a deep breath. She had told him a lot about her own life, and he had offered next to nothing in return-a few hints about his parents' relationship, stories about Zak. Nothing meaningful, not really. Nothing to explain why he was how he was.
She knew he didn't share easily, she accepted it. But this time, he needed to suck it up and struggle his way through an explanation-and an honest explanation at that. He couldn't do anything less if he wanted to convince her.
"My mother didn't like me very much," he said, feeling like each word was being torn out of him, leaving a gaping, bleeding wound behind.
Was it the first time he said it out loud? Probably. He tried to meet her gaze, couldn't bring himself to face what he'd see there, and decided to stare at the floor instead. "She got married to my father because she got pregnant with me, and she got stuck in her life because of that, because of me, and… well, she just didn't like me very much."
Amazing how much it could still hurt, after all these years-he had tried so hard, for so long, to please her. He didn't remember exactly when he had finally accepted the fact that nothing he could do would ever be enough for her, but he remembered he had started distancing himself from both his parents at around that point. How old was he, then? Eleven, twelve at most?
Amazing how he was still unable to move past that pain, to put it aside once and for all and leave it behind. He was tired of carrying it around everywhere he went.
Sam started nodding when he added, forcing the words past the lump in his throat, "I wouldn't do that to someone else, to our kid. I just…" He gestured helplessly, wishing he was piloting a Viper against a Basestar (or two, or three) instead of having this conversation. "I'm sure. Are you?"
He waited, breathless and dizzy, feeling like he had just jumped off a cliff and was still falling.
Instead of replying, she walked to him, put her head on his shoulder and her arms around his waist. "Yes," she whispered. Catching him.
They held on to each other for a long time. Lee thought that wherever she was, Kara probably approved. It shouldn't have mattered to him anymore, but it did.
Chapter 4
Author : Helen C.
Rating : PG-13
Summary : It was the only visible scar still left over by Baltar's trial, now that President Roslin was dead; Apollo's absence and the Admiral's obvious weariness.
Fandom : BSG
Spoilers : Everything aired so far is fair game.
Disclaimer : The characters and the universe were created and are owned by Ronald D. Moore and Universal Television Studios to name but a few. No money is being made. No copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
AN. Goes AU between the verdict and the Cylon attack in Crossroads II.
AN2. Eternal gratitude to joey51 for beta'ing this! As usual, I tinkered. All remaining mistakes are mine.
Chapter Three
Three years ago
Charlie was generous-both as a friend and as a human being. She freely gave of her time to help out as a nurse, whenever people on the Orion needed help. She was an easy going, optimistic, bright woman, easy to like and fun to hang out with. When she was angry, though, she could also be a force to be reckoned with and she didn't pull her punches, as Lee learned the hard way when she barged into his quarters without knocking. "Okay, asshole," she said.
Lee would have protested the intrusion if she hadn't looked ready to throttle him. After one glance at her furious expression, however, he kept his "Hey, I could have been busy" to himself. "Why the frak is Sam crying in my quarters?" Charlie asked. "What did you do?"
"Why do you assume I did anything?" Lee asked, vaguely insulted. Sure, he was clueless when it came to women; he didn't mind admitting it (not that denying it would have done much good, considering his track record). He had trouble communicating (though he was good at writing official reports, back when that ability was still useful in his life), he didn't trust, he didn't like the idea of commitment, but he wasn't in the habit of making women cry.
And he should have gotten to his feet when Charlie had entered the room. She was looming over him now, her face thunderous, and he felt distinctly overpowered, despite the fact that he had several inches and about twenty pounds on her.
She glared at him.
He stared back at her.
The face off would have lasted longer if she hadn't been so angry, but she broke it off eventually to smack him upside the head.
"Hey!" he said. Not the most effective defense ever, but he didn't think the situation called for a soap box speech and that was the only thing he was good at.
Okay, fine, he had screwed up.
He hadn't thought they had reached the tears stage yet, though.
It had been an innocent conversation, after all. At first. Then, somewhere along the line, as Lee was saying something about the Fleet not having many resources left, she had said, "I'm pregnant."
And, okay, it had surprised him.
And yes, he had a tendency to react badly to surprises.
He hadn't said anything. She had taken that as a sign that… well, he wasn't sure what she had heard in his silence. What he knew was that she had left before he could find anything to say.
And apparently, she had run to her friend before he could even start to deal with the news, and frak, but why did women always stick with each other in these cases? First, they ambushed men, caught them off guard and dropped their bombshells, and if it wasn't followed by The Right Answer in five seconds, then the test was considered a failure and where was the justice in that?
"You're an idiot," Charlie said.
Lee didn't think that explaining he had been surprised would cut him much slack, so he nodded. He was an idiot.
"Fix this," she snapped before leaving.
"How?" Lee asked, but either she didn't hear him, as she was so busy slamming the hatch behind her, or she chose to ignore him.
*
"Bugger," Scott said when Lee stopped talking.
Romo looked amused-Romo generally looked amused whenever Lee said or did anything. Lee chose not to read anything into that-and Nate snickered into his drink.
"Yeah." Lee downed his glass in one swig and reached for the bottle. He needed a refill. He needed lots and lots of refills.
Nate frowned. "I'm not sure getting drunk is the answer to your problem."
He was probably right but since Lee didn't know what the solution was, drinking would do for now.
"Think about it logically," Romo said. "You like logic, don't you?"
Lee glared at him; unfortunately, Romo seemed utterly unimpressed.
Fine, logically, what were the options? Get married and keep the baby. Get married and not keep the baby. Not get married and keep the baby. Not get married and not keep the baby.
Yeah.
That helped, all right.
He thought about Gianne, back on Caprica, remembering her eyes when she had understood that he was going to take the coward's way out. Her face still haunted him, years later.
He tried to picture Sam looking at him with those eyes and felt like hitting himself.
Romo gestured to Scott. "Come on, let's get some air," he said.
For someone so smart, Romo could be very unsubtle, sometimes.
Once they were gone, Nate sighed. "I think they're counting on me to be the voice of reason," he said. He didn't sound too enthusiastic about it.
"One of the privileges of old age," Lee retorted, but truth was, he didn't feel like snarking at his friend.
"Except I've never been in this situation."
Lucky you, Lee thought. Me? I can't keep out of this situation. "I have a bad track record with women," Lee pointed out. "Seriously. Terrible."
"Can't be worse than mine," Nate said. Nate, for all his good looks-blond, slowly graying hair, blue eyes, and his mysterious attitude when it came to his past experience and his job-was totally incapable of staying with the same woman for more than two weeks.
Still, when it came to being a screw-up, Lee could swim circles around him. "I dumped my girlfriend on Caprica when she got pregnant. I slept with my brother's ex-fiancée, and she got married to another guy the same night, while I was sleeping. I then got married to someone who hoped I was my father. I cheated on my wife with the other woman. Who died. Shortly after that, my wife dumped me when she realized I wasn't the man she thought she had married."
Without the alcohol, he would never have talked about that.
Even with the alcohol, spelling it out in such a way made it even worse.
Nate stared at him, obviously torn between amusement and concern. "Wow," he finally said.
Lee shrugged. "What can I say? I'm a true child of divorce." Did he care that he sounded like a bitter, spoiled kid? Not one bit.
"I don't know what to tell you," Nate said. "Except, change. Because seriously, Lee, we all like you, but Sam was my friend long before you came along, and if she keeps crying over you, I'll have to kick your ass." He stared at his empty glass, sighed. "Unless of course you think the two of you will be horribly unhappy together, in which case…"
Lee was already shaking his head. He had spent a lot of time in the last three days trying to imagine his life without Sam and he hadn't liked what he had seen. He wanted to be with her. He just wasn't sure he wouldn't screw things up. He didn't want to do to Sam what he had done to Gianne and Dee.
"This isn't just about the baby, is it?" Nate asked, his voice soft and sympathetic. Damn him. Lee didn't want sympathy, he wanted a swift kick up the ass. At least, he knew how to deal with that.
Lee thought about Kara, about the feeling of being stabbed in the gut when he had learned that she had gone and married Anders. It still hurt, even after all this time.
Oh, so now I'm your excuse for being unable to commit to anyone? You were like that long before we met, Apollo.
You didn't help.
I know.
He closed his eyes, knowing what she was going to say next.
Deal with it. Move on. If you don't…
If he didn't, he'd lose Sam. He may not feel ready to get married again, but he sure as hell was even less ready to see her walk away.
*
"I don't want you to do this because of the baby," Sam said, for what felt like the ten thousandth time.
"I'm not," Lee replied, again.
Sam looked him straight in the eyes, head held high. She had been sick two times since they had started to talk and she looked like she wanted nothing more than to lie down. Yet, she stubbornly refused to even sit. "Are you sure?"
Lee had never been more sure of anything in his life. He had also never been so terrified. Come on, he thought. You faced down Centurions, you can do this. Yeah, right. Pep talks had never been his specialty.
He took a deep breath. She had told him a lot about her own life, and he had offered next to nothing in return-a few hints about his parents' relationship, stories about Zak. Nothing meaningful, not really. Nothing to explain why he was how he was.
She knew he didn't share easily, she accepted it. But this time, he needed to suck it up and struggle his way through an explanation-and an honest explanation at that. He couldn't do anything less if he wanted to convince her.
"My mother didn't like me very much," he said, feeling like each word was being torn out of him, leaving a gaping, bleeding wound behind.
Was it the first time he said it out loud? Probably. He tried to meet her gaze, couldn't bring himself to face what he'd see there, and decided to stare at the floor instead. "She got married to my father because she got pregnant with me, and she got stuck in her life because of that, because of me, and… well, she just didn't like me very much."
Amazing how much it could still hurt, after all these years-he had tried so hard, for so long, to please her. He didn't remember exactly when he had finally accepted the fact that nothing he could do would ever be enough for her, but he remembered he had started distancing himself from both his parents at around that point. How old was he, then? Eleven, twelve at most?
Amazing how he was still unable to move past that pain, to put it aside once and for all and leave it behind. He was tired of carrying it around everywhere he went.
Sam started nodding when he added, forcing the words past the lump in his throat, "I wouldn't do that to someone else, to our kid. I just…" He gestured helplessly, wishing he was piloting a Viper against a Basestar (or two, or three) instead of having this conversation. "I'm sure. Are you?"
He waited, breathless and dizzy, feeling like he had just jumped off a cliff and was still falling.
Instead of replying, she walked to him, put her head on his shoulder and her arms around his waist. "Yes," she whispered. Catching him.
They held on to each other for a long time. Lee thought that wherever she was, Kara probably approved. It shouldn't have mattered to him anymore, but it did.
Chapter 4