night gender terror and adoption grief (oh, cheery!)
I just don't want this stuff going on in my head. I am dealing with it. It was really great that foibey was there to listen to me. I feel like I am a fake trans person as I don't want surgery 'down there' and I don't want to take testosterone because my singing voice is hugely important to me. A part of me fears the above will be thrust onto me from some unknown source. Hey - I'm not always rational!
I looked up the FtM network on the internet last night which was another scary thing. I really feel 'not enough,' but I almost always feel like that. I'm not green enough, punk enough, anarchic enough, attractive enough, unfashionable enough, etc., etc., ad infinitum.
My counsellor and I talked about this earlier today (she is a specialist post-adoption counsellor who is helping me deal with the grief of having to give up my child when she was 3 years old due to an extended mental breakdown). She hasn't really got a clue, but she is a good counsellor; it helped.
Oh, adoption stuff: I really need to write to my daughter (the current agreement is that I can write one letter per year). She was adopted four years ago, and I still haven't written to her. I am going to send a photo of me swimming in Highgate women's pond plus a photo of me enjoying my computer (love my computer). SHOUT HERE if you want to read my first draft when I do it - I need some support in this area.
I looked up the FtM network on the internet last night which was another scary thing. I really feel 'not enough,' but I almost always feel like that. I'm not green enough, punk enough, anarchic enough, attractive enough, unfashionable enough, etc., etc., ad infinitum.
My counsellor and I talked about this earlier today (she is a specialist post-adoption counsellor who is helping me deal with the grief of having to give up my child when she was 3 years old due to an extended mental breakdown). She hasn't really got a clue, but she is a good counsellor; it helped.
Oh, adoption stuff: I really need to write to my daughter (the current agreement is that I can write one letter per year). She was adopted four years ago, and I still haven't written to her. I am going to send a photo of me swimming in Highgate women's pond plus a photo of me enjoying my computer (love my computer). SHOUT HERE if you want to read my first draft when I do it - I need some support in this area.