Comments | helionwolfchild: Satan and the Schoolgirl (9/?)

helionwolfchild

Satan and the Schoolgirl (9/?)

Apr 06, 2011 20:55

Title: Satan and the Schoolgirl
Author: Helion
Chapters: Chapter 9: Father Daughter Talks
Pairing: Rachel/Santana, Quinn/Brittany (implied and kinda outed by Santana, at least in her head)
Rating: PG-13. For horrible, horrible disgusting fluff! Also, Language, because this IS Santana.
Summary: After being named the scariest ruling psycho-bitch in ( Read more... )

satan and the schoolgirl, fic, santana/rachel

Comments 12

hayling333 April 7 2011, 05:36:58 UTC

Family approval yaaaaay...! :) Update yaaaay...! I love this story, can't wait to see it play out.

helionwolfchild April 7 2011, 17:58:54 UTC

Thanks! Let's see if I can get the next update out before spring break is over yeah?

(The comment has been removed)

helionwolfchild April 7 2011, 06:00:13 UTC

I don't see it as a big deal. First off... its that's usually how people are corrected when they're speaking. While it might be correct grammatically, it doesn't sound right to say it the other way, at least to me.

Secondly, aside from the fact that when people correct others on this, usually that's how its done, weather it is grammatically correct or not, the point was not that Santana was wrong with her grammar, but that both Rachel and Santana's Dad were correcting her at the same time... I was kinda hoping that's what was put across but I guess not so maybe I'll have a look over it again.

helionwolfchild April 7 2011, 17:45:48 UTC

Also, thank you, I know I asked for constructive criticism and I was maybe a bit abrupt last night, but I do appreciate it. I was just looking for more storyline stuff and how it was flowing, but thank you anyway.

stargirl888 April 7 2011, 13:17:43 UTC

Aww, it was really sweet, and I loved the father daughter moment after Rachel had left. It's kinda creepy but the saying that girls marry guys (and girls) who are like their father springs to mind with this chapter. Don't worry about the me and I bit - I have no idea if it's right or wrong, but it was a nice idea.

Looking forward to the next update :)

helionwolfchild April 7 2011, 17:48:05 UTC

Thanks, and thanks for reading! That's really what I was going for with that. I love the fact that Santana only partially caught on.

kiarcheo April 7 2011, 16:46:28 UTC

I love family scenes, and this was awesome!!
Santana's father smirking in approval at Rachel calming Santana down...and then both of them correcting Santana LOL
And then hugging Rachel :)

helionwolfchild April 7 2011, 17:58:12 UTC

I had a feeling you'd like the fluff... I didn't want to have it set up so that Santana was stressing the whole time about it, but I did want to put across that the fact that her dad approved was a big deal for Santana, I hope it came across alright.
If the story goes according to plan you'll be seeing a lot of Santana's dad around... for a while...
Thanks for reading!

slacker_d April 7 2011, 22:50:20 UTC

So this totally exceeded my expectations. Loved the fluffiness, especially Santana's dad hugging Rachel before she left. I also loved how important it was for Santana that her dad approves. It's some great vulnerability from our resident bad-ass.

My criticisms are just petty little grammar things, so I won't mention them. *Shrug* Can't help it, that's just what I notice. But I will say that the flow seems to be working because I've never thought, "Get on with it already." or anything like that. And trust me, there are stories, I've definitely thought that. If anything, each part that comes out seems to be putting together a really awesome puzzle. If that makes sense. Can't wait for more.

helionwolfchild April 7 2011, 23:28:50 UTC

Good, I'm glad that the flow is working. If the grammar stuff really bothers you, you can pm me with the stuff you think I need work on. I don't have a beta for this and for the most part, I'm tossing some of what I would usually nit-pick on out the window just because I feel like it's impinging on Santana's voice (you know she wouldn't give a damn about grammar). It's also possible that I'm missing things because I haven't had the time to read over many chapters before they post, so if its something I can fix or watch out for without damaging the way I'm trying to tell the story it would be helpful to know.

Glad you like the fluffyness. I'm trying to give Santana a bit more vulnerability outside of her relationship with Rachel. If the plan goes correctly, things are gonna get angsty soon though, dun dun dun.

slacker_d April 8 2011, 01:09:56 UTC

It doesn't bother me. I just notice it as an English major. It's what we do. And since I'm not actually using my degree, it's nice to pull out occasionally, even if it is while reading fan fic.

Because I agree, Santana doesn't care about grammar. Besides, this story is great enough that I can totally ignore very small grammar issues.

And I'm looking forward to some future angst.