Goin' through the vacancy that you leave behind
Characters: Helenus and Cass
Date/Time: February 20
Location: Cass' apartment
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: None?
Summary: Cass and Helenus disagree about the past 20 years and Cass starts to lose it.
Cassandra stretched her arm out, tracing an imaginary pattern in the air. This didn't feel real, it didn't feel right. She wasn't supposed to be comfortable around most men. Why did she marry someone who wasn't from her time? Why did she have a stepdaughter? It didn't make sense. It was like she had forgotten everything that had happened to her in her life. While she was comfortable with Telemachus, that...felt different. He knew about the war, he knew about what life was like in the past.
"Helenus?" She called out.
-
Helenus had been sitting on Cass' couch. Cass' place was safer then his own. He had a daughter in his own. It wasn't the most mature thing, to hide here away from her but he had never wanted a child. He didn't know how to raise a kid.
At the sound of his name he slid down to the floor to sit beside her. He still wasn't comfortable with this. Her being married. Him having a kid. None of it felt right. But she was his sister so even if he was annoyed at her for trying to tell him he'd forgotten 20 years (not just forgot, he couldn't see anything from them), he still loved her. Now seemed like a good time to be there for her.
"I'm here." He grabbed the hand she was waving about. "What is it Cass?"
-
It was comforting that he hadn't left her after all of these years. She had been half afraid he would, honestly, if only out of annoyance at her sanity coming and going. "This doesn't feel right. Not real." She pushed herself over so her head was in his lap.
"Something isn't right but I can't-I don't know what."
-
The idea of leaving her had never occured to him. Maybe smacking her around a bit but defintely never leaving.
He shifted his legs to better fit her. The heavy weight of her head told him that unfortunately this was all very very real. "The date maybe?" He suggested, slightly sarcastically.
-
That brought a frown to her face. "I remember those years. I know that it happened." She pulled his captive hand down and held it against her chest. "The man...my husband? I don't. Why did I tell him? Why do I trust him?" True, he had never hurt her. He had been incredibly understanding of everything, all things considered.
"It's not-" she paused and bit her lip. "I don't know why it happened. It just did and it confuses me and it's clouding everything up."
-
"I don't know why either." He said softly. He wanted to help her, to give her an answer. "You seemed very attached to Telemachus last I saw."
"Did you...did you tell him about your sight?" It didn't make sense that those two Titanesses were into this. Where did they get off on messing with them so much? "Does he believe you?" He would be offended if some fake husband took his role (and he did kind of see it that way after being the only one to believe her for so long).
-
"I don't know why we broke up. I know we did but. I don't know why." She was distressed by this. Admitting it bothered her and made the issue even more important than it would have been in the past. Why hadn't she thought about this in the past few years she was her husband? Surely it should have occured to her.
"I did," she whispered. "He's seen visions. My stepdaughter hasn't. But he has." Cassandra still wasn't sure if he believed her that they were real, but at the same time, almost no one believed. That part of the curse still had affect.
-
"Think Cass." He pushed. Needing her to believe him now. This couldn't be real. Gaia and Khaos must have messed with their heads again. They'd turned the building upside and brought in people from their past. They must have something to do with their strange new family members. "Why would you break up with Telemachus?"
-
Cassandra turned her head pressed her face into his leg to hide. "I don't know!" It didn't make sense. They would have had to really fight for it to happen. Or he would have had to have found somebody else. But she couldn't figure it out. She felt her memories slipping out of her grasp as she attempted to force herself to remember. "Whenever I try to make myself it slips away. Like light in fingers."
-
Helenus took her shoulder and pushed gently to keep her from hiding. "Because it doesn't make sense." Because this couldn't be real. He just didn't want to say that in case it made her lose it again. "The memories aren't there. Wouldn't I be able to look into the past then, even if I couldn't remember it all now?" He felt terrible for doing this to her, but he had to.
-
"Maybe they hid the past from you." It wouldn't be past their abilities, considering everything that had happened in the past. They were strong enough to bring Zeus here, strong enough to take most of Olympus and bring them here. Cassandra refused to move, though. She had to keep hiding as long as she could.
-
Fair point, Khaos and Gaia could probably do that. It didn't make him feel any better. He wanted his sight to work again, properly. These past few months had left him feel rather useless. "Then...then what about Mina? My...daughter." He grimaced when he said it but it wasn't like she would notice. "Can you really see me as a dad?" He gave up on trying to push her over and just ran his fingers through her hair.
-
The petting calmed her a little bit. No one but Helenus had ever really been able to do it right, it never really made her feel safe. Maybe she just didn't trust anyone else as much and that was why. "I remember her being little and you holding her," she said. The memory felt weird though. "You never wanted a child though. Why did you have one?" It wasn't that she didn't think of the fact that he couldn't really answer her, she just needed something from him that would maybe clue her in.
-
He kept up with the petting. "You have to tell me Cass. I don't have any memories of the past 20 years you say happened." If this really was the future he at least wanted the memories. The woman with him...sounded like and looked like his sister. But if there 20 years she had lived that he hadn't, Helenus wasn't sure what that meant for them. Was she still the same person? "What do you see?"
-
"You and Neoptolmus talked about it. I think something made you want them?" It sounded right, but that didn't make it true. She couldn't come up with an answer that really was true. "It's not. I can see you. Talking to me. But I don't know what you're saying." She looked up at him, striken. One of the few things she had been able to count on was her memory of the past, even at her worst she could tell what had happened in the past that was real and what wasn't. Now she couldn't.
-
"Cass-" his voice caught, she looked scared and he didn't know what to protect her from. "Cass," he tried again after a deep breath. "Maybe that's your mind telling you it didn't happen. You can't come up with anything I would say that would make sense. I'd be a shit dad."
"Neoptolemus told me her parents were close friends of his when they were apparently killed and so we took her in." It was still just a story to him, but maybe telling it would help her. It could give her some fact to latch onto. He just hoped it didn't help her sink deeper into this fake future that had been created for them.
-
"I don't understand why they would make us think it was the future though. It must have happened." She pushed herself up and wrapped her arms around Helenus's neck. Physical contact was soothing and it helped her focus. Her thoughts still swirled and she couldn't tell some of the past from reality but at least she had her brother with her.
At his words, she pressed her face to his neck and nodded. It sounded like it might be right. So what did she remember then? Maybe she was thinking of something else. "That makes sense," she whispered.
-
"Why have they done anything Cass?" He sighed but hugged her back. She was still his sister. He still loved her despite his growing frustration that she wouldn't listen. "We've been turned into kids and had people from our past show up to haunt us. And that's just since I've been here." He wanted to be home. Though he wasn't sure what that meant anymore.
"You'll have to explain my own actions to me then." The very idea of still being with Neoptolemus in 20 years, raising a child with him, freaked Helenus out. This future wasn't what he wanted.
-
It wasn't that she was deliberately chosing not to listen. There was just something that was making it hard for her to accept this. Everything about it. "I'm sorry." She paused and went on, "It's all muddled. Nothing is sticking and I know it's not 2011 anymore but it feels like it should be."
A sigh. "You felt bad for the child." She pulled back and smiled at him. "You're not cold hearted, Helenus."
-
"It only feels like 2011 to me." He snipped and then immediately felt bad for it. "Sorry. This is making even less sense for me."
"Polyxena probably feels different about that." But he managed to smile back. It felt good to have someone believe he was a good person. He wasn't exactly feeling like it himself. After all, he was hiding from his new daughter in his sister's room.
-
Cassandra wanted to point out that at least his head was working normally (besides the time displacement) but she wasn't feeling that unchartable yet. He was lucky he had her as a sister.
"Polyxena is afraid," she said as she rested her head on his shoulder again. "She still loves you, though. She always has." Cassandra believed that, even if Polyxena did get extremely angry at them, she still loved them.
-
Except Helenus was fairly sure his head wasn't working normally.
"Maybe, but that isn't the point." He shifted so he was leaning more against the couch. "We're trying to figure out what's going on in your head." One crazy drama at a time. They'd think of the war and Polyxena after this was all figured out. "You don't look 20 years older you know."
-
"When I look in the mirror, I look older to myself. And you look older too." She reached out and traced what she saw as a smile line on his face. "Maybe it's part of the trick. Which ever of us is right sees how it really is, the other sees the trick." Admiting she could be wrong was still too much, it wasn't possible at the moment. "And trying to figure out my head never went well."
-
To him it was just a random line. "Something's wrong Cass. You can't ignore that." He took her hand and squeezed it. "Believe me this time Cass." If she was right about all this, maybe that meant this time he was starting to lose it. Helenus couldn't accept that he was wrong either.
-
"If I accept it," she said quietly, sounding almost heatbroken. "What does that mean about me? About my memories and what I know?" She squeezed Helenus's hand and didn't want to let him go.
-
"It means Khaos and Gaia got to you. Nothing else." Please don't go crazy again. Helenus had been getting spoiled by her recent bout of sanity. It was like being kids again. He had let himself get to used to it. "You said they could block my sight. Why couldn't they give you fake memories?"
-
"Then I let someone else in my bed. I. How do I know he didn't hurt me and they're just hiding it?" IT was one of her biggest fears. Even if another man did hurt her, knowing about it was less frightening than having no idea it had happened.
-
"I don't know Cass." He'd barely met this guy. There was no way he could judge him. This conversation was turning way more draining then he expected when he'd first come over. "I feel like I don't know anything right now." He pressed a kiss to her forehead. "If he has though, I'll beat him up for you."
-
"I know," she said before she pressed a kiss to his cheek. "I'm sorry." About not being able to tell what was happening. About not being able to help him and being a burden like she was. When this ended it would probably be worse, regardless of who was right.
-
"Don't be sorry." He tried to smile, wanting to look comforting. It probably came out more as a grimace. He wasn't very good at lying to her in anyway. "It's not your fault."
-
"Still." She smiled softly at him before she reached out and moved his mouth into a real smile. Or it would be if she wasn't forcing it on him. Physically harassing him usually ended up distracting both of them from whatever serious discussion they had had and she wanted him to relax.
-
Helenus stuck his tongue out at her. Seeing her smile made him smile a little more on his own. They couldn't ignore this forever. "It's not your fault." He repeated.
-
"It's not whose fault it is that matters. I'm still sorry for not being able to know. Or help." At least she got to the point where she could admit that she didn't know what happened. "It's still swirling."
-
"What's still swirling?" His expression turned confused and worried and he took her hands off his face.
-
"Everything. I can't tell if it really happened or not and I don't know how to prove it. Or whose right." She twisted her hands around and gripped his hands in hers. Still, she wouldn't meet his eyes, though.
-
"You're not alone in that." He wanted to lift her head and make her look but that would involve freeing his hands. "I don't know either."
-
She shook her head. "I don't-" Reality was not making itself known to her outside of her brother being here with her. Explaining that to him wouldn't make it him feel better though. So instead of saying anything more, she just curled up against Helenus and rested her head on his shoulder.
Date/Time: February 20
Location: Cass' apartment
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: None?
Summary: Cass and Helenus disagree about the past 20 years and Cass starts to lose it.
Cassandra stretched her arm out, tracing an imaginary pattern in the air. This didn't feel real, it didn't feel right. She wasn't supposed to be comfortable around most men. Why did she marry someone who wasn't from her time? Why did she have a stepdaughter? It didn't make sense. It was like she had forgotten everything that had happened to her in her life. While she was comfortable with Telemachus, that...felt different. He knew about the war, he knew about what life was like in the past.
"Helenus?" She called out.
-
Helenus had been sitting on Cass' couch. Cass' place was safer then his own. He had a daughter in his own. It wasn't the most mature thing, to hide here away from her but he had never wanted a child. He didn't know how to raise a kid.
At the sound of his name he slid down to the floor to sit beside her. He still wasn't comfortable with this. Her being married. Him having a kid. None of it felt right. But she was his sister so even if he was annoyed at her for trying to tell him he'd forgotten 20 years (not just forgot, he couldn't see anything from them), he still loved her. Now seemed like a good time to be there for her.
"I'm here." He grabbed the hand she was waving about. "What is it Cass?"
-
It was comforting that he hadn't left her after all of these years. She had been half afraid he would, honestly, if only out of annoyance at her sanity coming and going. "This doesn't feel right. Not real." She pushed herself over so her head was in his lap.
"Something isn't right but I can't-I don't know what."
-
The idea of leaving her had never occured to him. Maybe smacking her around a bit but defintely never leaving.
He shifted his legs to better fit her. The heavy weight of her head told him that unfortunately this was all very very real. "The date maybe?" He suggested, slightly sarcastically.
-
That brought a frown to her face. "I remember those years. I know that it happened." She pulled his captive hand down and held it against her chest. "The man...my husband? I don't. Why did I tell him? Why do I trust him?" True, he had never hurt her. He had been incredibly understanding of everything, all things considered.
"It's not-" she paused and bit her lip. "I don't know why it happened. It just did and it confuses me and it's clouding everything up."
-
"I don't know why either." He said softly. He wanted to help her, to give her an answer. "You seemed very attached to Telemachus last I saw."
"Did you...did you tell him about your sight?" It didn't make sense that those two Titanesses were into this. Where did they get off on messing with them so much? "Does he believe you?" He would be offended if some fake husband took his role (and he did kind of see it that way after being the only one to believe her for so long).
-
"I don't know why we broke up. I know we did but. I don't know why." She was distressed by this. Admitting it bothered her and made the issue even more important than it would have been in the past. Why hadn't she thought about this in the past few years she was her husband? Surely it should have occured to her.
"I did," she whispered. "He's seen visions. My stepdaughter hasn't. But he has." Cassandra still wasn't sure if he believed her that they were real, but at the same time, almost no one believed. That part of the curse still had affect.
-
"Think Cass." He pushed. Needing her to believe him now. This couldn't be real. Gaia and Khaos must have messed with their heads again. They'd turned the building upside and brought in people from their past. They must have something to do with their strange new family members. "Why would you break up with Telemachus?"
-
Cassandra turned her head pressed her face into his leg to hide. "I don't know!" It didn't make sense. They would have had to really fight for it to happen. Or he would have had to have found somebody else. But she couldn't figure it out. She felt her memories slipping out of her grasp as she attempted to force herself to remember. "Whenever I try to make myself it slips away. Like light in fingers."
-
Helenus took her shoulder and pushed gently to keep her from hiding. "Because it doesn't make sense." Because this couldn't be real. He just didn't want to say that in case it made her lose it again. "The memories aren't there. Wouldn't I be able to look into the past then, even if I couldn't remember it all now?" He felt terrible for doing this to her, but he had to.
-
"Maybe they hid the past from you." It wouldn't be past their abilities, considering everything that had happened in the past. They were strong enough to bring Zeus here, strong enough to take most of Olympus and bring them here. Cassandra refused to move, though. She had to keep hiding as long as she could.
-
Fair point, Khaos and Gaia could probably do that. It didn't make him feel any better. He wanted his sight to work again, properly. These past few months had left him feel rather useless. "Then...then what about Mina? My...daughter." He grimaced when he said it but it wasn't like she would notice. "Can you really see me as a dad?" He gave up on trying to push her over and just ran his fingers through her hair.
-
The petting calmed her a little bit. No one but Helenus had ever really been able to do it right, it never really made her feel safe. Maybe she just didn't trust anyone else as much and that was why. "I remember her being little and you holding her," she said. The memory felt weird though. "You never wanted a child though. Why did you have one?" It wasn't that she didn't think of the fact that he couldn't really answer her, she just needed something from him that would maybe clue her in.
-
He kept up with the petting. "You have to tell me Cass. I don't have any memories of the past 20 years you say happened." If this really was the future he at least wanted the memories. The woman with him...sounded like and looked like his sister. But if there 20 years she had lived that he hadn't, Helenus wasn't sure what that meant for them. Was she still the same person? "What do you see?"
-
"You and Neoptolmus talked about it. I think something made you want them?" It sounded right, but that didn't make it true. She couldn't come up with an answer that really was true. "It's not. I can see you. Talking to me. But I don't know what you're saying." She looked up at him, striken. One of the few things she had been able to count on was her memory of the past, even at her worst she could tell what had happened in the past that was real and what wasn't. Now she couldn't.
-
"Cass-" his voice caught, she looked scared and he didn't know what to protect her from. "Cass," he tried again after a deep breath. "Maybe that's your mind telling you it didn't happen. You can't come up with anything I would say that would make sense. I'd be a shit dad."
"Neoptolemus told me her parents were close friends of his when they were apparently killed and so we took her in." It was still just a story to him, but maybe telling it would help her. It could give her some fact to latch onto. He just hoped it didn't help her sink deeper into this fake future that had been created for them.
-
"I don't understand why they would make us think it was the future though. It must have happened." She pushed herself up and wrapped her arms around Helenus's neck. Physical contact was soothing and it helped her focus. Her thoughts still swirled and she couldn't tell some of the past from reality but at least she had her brother with her.
At his words, she pressed her face to his neck and nodded. It sounded like it might be right. So what did she remember then? Maybe she was thinking of something else. "That makes sense," she whispered.
-
"Why have they done anything Cass?" He sighed but hugged her back. She was still his sister. He still loved her despite his growing frustration that she wouldn't listen. "We've been turned into kids and had people from our past show up to haunt us. And that's just since I've been here." He wanted to be home. Though he wasn't sure what that meant anymore.
"You'll have to explain my own actions to me then." The very idea of still being with Neoptolemus in 20 years, raising a child with him, freaked Helenus out. This future wasn't what he wanted.
-
It wasn't that she was deliberately chosing not to listen. There was just something that was making it hard for her to accept this. Everything about it. "I'm sorry." She paused and went on, "It's all muddled. Nothing is sticking and I know it's not 2011 anymore but it feels like it should be."
A sigh. "You felt bad for the child." She pulled back and smiled at him. "You're not cold hearted, Helenus."
-
"It only feels like 2011 to me." He snipped and then immediately felt bad for it. "Sorry. This is making even less sense for me."
"Polyxena probably feels different about that." But he managed to smile back. It felt good to have someone believe he was a good person. He wasn't exactly feeling like it himself. After all, he was hiding from his new daughter in his sister's room.
-
Cassandra wanted to point out that at least his head was working normally (besides the time displacement) but she wasn't feeling that unchartable yet. He was lucky he had her as a sister.
"Polyxena is afraid," she said as she rested her head on his shoulder again. "She still loves you, though. She always has." Cassandra believed that, even if Polyxena did get extremely angry at them, she still loved them.
-
Except Helenus was fairly sure his head wasn't working normally.
"Maybe, but that isn't the point." He shifted so he was leaning more against the couch. "We're trying to figure out what's going on in your head." One crazy drama at a time. They'd think of the war and Polyxena after this was all figured out. "You don't look 20 years older you know."
-
"When I look in the mirror, I look older to myself. And you look older too." She reached out and traced what she saw as a smile line on his face. "Maybe it's part of the trick. Which ever of us is right sees how it really is, the other sees the trick." Admiting she could be wrong was still too much, it wasn't possible at the moment. "And trying to figure out my head never went well."
-
To him it was just a random line. "Something's wrong Cass. You can't ignore that." He took her hand and squeezed it. "Believe me this time Cass." If she was right about all this, maybe that meant this time he was starting to lose it. Helenus couldn't accept that he was wrong either.
-
"If I accept it," she said quietly, sounding almost heatbroken. "What does that mean about me? About my memories and what I know?" She squeezed Helenus's hand and didn't want to let him go.
-
"It means Khaos and Gaia got to you. Nothing else." Please don't go crazy again. Helenus had been getting spoiled by her recent bout of sanity. It was like being kids again. He had let himself get to used to it. "You said they could block my sight. Why couldn't they give you fake memories?"
-
"Then I let someone else in my bed. I. How do I know he didn't hurt me and they're just hiding it?" IT was one of her biggest fears. Even if another man did hurt her, knowing about it was less frightening than having no idea it had happened.
-
"I don't know Cass." He'd barely met this guy. There was no way he could judge him. This conversation was turning way more draining then he expected when he'd first come over. "I feel like I don't know anything right now." He pressed a kiss to her forehead. "If he has though, I'll beat him up for you."
-
"I know," she said before she pressed a kiss to his cheek. "I'm sorry." About not being able to tell what was happening. About not being able to help him and being a burden like she was. When this ended it would probably be worse, regardless of who was right.
-
"Don't be sorry." He tried to smile, wanting to look comforting. It probably came out more as a grimace. He wasn't very good at lying to her in anyway. "It's not your fault."
-
"Still." She smiled softly at him before she reached out and moved his mouth into a real smile. Or it would be if she wasn't forcing it on him. Physically harassing him usually ended up distracting both of them from whatever serious discussion they had had and she wanted him to relax.
-
Helenus stuck his tongue out at her. Seeing her smile made him smile a little more on his own. They couldn't ignore this forever. "It's not your fault." He repeated.
-
"It's not whose fault it is that matters. I'm still sorry for not being able to know. Or help." At least she got to the point where she could admit that she didn't know what happened. "It's still swirling."
-
"What's still swirling?" His expression turned confused and worried and he took her hands off his face.
-
"Everything. I can't tell if it really happened or not and I don't know how to prove it. Or whose right." She twisted her hands around and gripped his hands in hers. Still, she wouldn't meet his eyes, though.
-
"You're not alone in that." He wanted to lift her head and make her look but that would involve freeing his hands. "I don't know either."
-
She shook her head. "I don't-" Reality was not making itself known to her outside of her brother being here with her. Explaining that to him wouldn't make it him feel better though. So instead of saying anything more, she just curled up against Helenus and rested her head on his shoulder.