Well, it's official. I LOATHE my job, I need a new one so bad. I need it like, soon, I need to just wake up one day and have the biggest smile on my face because I can go to my boss and say "I QUIT!" It'll happen eventually but I need it soon, so when september and october roll around I'm applying to a shit load of places, even if it's only ( Read more... )

Wurd up homies! Chris is happy. Maybe these meds are working. Oh yeah, I've had my rough moments, but right now I'm actually happy with my life. You see, without me searching for a girl I feel like I'm better off. I like having girls as friends, even ones I'd normally think were good looking and try to get with, I'm just being their friend. It's ( Read more... )

I'm updating. See the purdy update Carm? Heh. Well, I had a pretty good time last night, then again any time I actually get to see Carm is a good time. Everytime I see her or talk to her my feelings grow for her, even in the conflict we have, or the disinterest it may seem we have towards eachother, I see that I actually like her, and could be ( Read more... )

First off, I wanna ask the person who wrote this in my comment to my last update to please let me know who they are. IM me at Heiliger Kaiden on aim or e-mail me at kaiden@comcast.net ( Read more... )

The title says it all, I don't know what's come over me lately. I feel so intensely suicidal. Like normally I would think about it, plan it, and that would be it. But lately I've actually cut myself, had my stepdad's gun to my head, I'm so close to doing it. And I don't know why.. I just can't take it anymore. Every aspect of who I am disgusts me, ( Read more... )

Today was miserable, go figure eh? I feel like shit, I can barely voice about my problems to anyone but Stan and Tom, when I'm confronted about my problems from this journal, I shrug them off, because I don't like talking about them. Facing an empty comp screen gives me peace thinking I wont have to talk more about my problems.. but I do like to ( Read more... )

Carol Hickey's bullshit lies still haunt me.. If what Stan said was true.. Hope supposedly liked me, but she wasn't looking for a b/f at the time (understandable) but the issue about those rumors that started at the end of the year came up again.. Because of her psychotic desire for me.. I'm cursed to have distrust from every girl I know ( Read more... )

I just don't understand something.. I can talk to people. I can comfort people in times they need it most.. I try my best to make people happy. Yet, when I see them smile, or see that my words have done some good, I feel even worse than before. I was talking to Tom today about Liz, no problems, just confusion due to lack of experience. And I talked ( Read more... )

Today, promises to be pretty decent. Well, it's official, I decided I give up on relationships. Heh. Too much effort anyway, if one's going to happen, it's gonna come to me. Anyway, I should be mowing the lawn soon, that sucks. But afterwards Me, Stan, and Tom are gonna hang out. Prolly go to wal-mart first to get some movies and shit then go to ( Read more... )

Heiliger Kaiden: Will you marry me?
X FerViD HaVoK X: I already said yes earlier, remember?

Been talking to her for about 4-5 hours.. and every little thing that was depressing me seems to have gone away.. god, what is it about her that makes me so happy to talk to her? It's good to have friends like this.