Comments | hello_helloo: Family Surprise

hello_helloo

Family Surprise

Mar 14, 2011 17:15

I found out yesterday that my Uncle Chris, who passed away in the late 1990's, had a son that was given up for adoption. When I was younger, I remember someone telling me they thought he had had a kid, but nobody in the family seemed to know anything about it when I asked ( Read more... )

Comments 7

brindle March 15 2011, 07:57:49 UTC

I'd be completely honest. I know that's what I would want & I have been in his shoes. The truth just is the truth. However he deals with it is up to him. Just knowing where he's coming from though, I think he probably just wants to know his family & spend time with you guys. :)

taphophile March 15 2011, 19:10:01 UTC

I'm laughing, we gave her completely different advice!

hello_helloo March 15 2011, 22:00:08 UTC

I love that pic!

I immediately thought of you when my mom told me about this. I agree that I need to be honest, but I may wait for questions before I start pouring out all the details. I figure if he asks, he wants the truth. I was thinking about sugar coating (because I hate seeing people hurt) but you're right, he may want to know all of it.

Now ya want to hear something weird? I called Mom yesterday to see how's she's handling the news, and to see if she knew his name yet or when we might be meeting him. Then my mom said, "Oh, can't even remember if anyone said anything about meeting him. That just came out. I don't know why I said that." So I know he exists, but now I don't know if he really wants to meet us or not. Soooo odd. That tells me Mom's a bit freaked.

taphophile March 15 2011, 19:09:06 UTC

Turn it around on him & find out what he wants to know, then you'll know what to share. Ask him how much he wants to know: just life facts? Just the good stuff? Every gory detail even if he might not like it? Pictures? It would be kinder, I think, to find out how much he wants to hear rather than dropping something on him he's not yet ready for, you've no idea where this guy is mentally or what he's looking to find out.

hello_helloo March 15 2011, 22:06:21 UTC

I was thinking exactly the same way you are. I'm so glad to have Brindle's input since she's been on the other side of this. Not everyone is as strong as Brindle though, so if we do meet, I'm going to do my best to be aware of how he's feeling about what he's hearing.

Speaking of pictures, I need to find some good ones. They're all still mostly packed from the move.

thisoldanvil March 16 2011, 01:54:54 UTC

I think this guy probably wants to hear anything anybody's got to say about his father. How he processes the info depends on what kind of life he's had so far. But, you never know.
I used to have a friend who'd been adopted. When he was 15 he found out his mother had been a prostitute. He said it didn't phase him and he didn't pursue it.
He was already locked into one of those "generation gap" wars we used to have with his adoptive parents.
He ran away when he was 16 and had no contact with them till he was 21, and he turned out alright.

he was already locked into one of those "generation gap" wars we used to have with his adoptive parents.
He ran away when he was 16 and had no contact with them till he was 21, and he turned out alright.

thisoldanvil March 16 2011, 02:53:22 UTC

You're probably right. It's pretty much what Brindle said, and she's been through meeting her birth family. I just always want things to be as painless and positive as possible. Not always realistic, I know. It's just how I think.