Can't A Man Tell People a Girl's Pregnant with His Child Without Everyone Assuming He Did Something?
Sequel to “So I May Have Hijacked your Genetic Material…”
Here --> http://helloiamsilver.livejournal.com/6887.html
Title: Oh My God...Can't A Man Tell People a Woman's Pregnant with His Child Without Everyone Assuming He Did Something!?
Author: Helloiamsilver
Fandom: Adam Lambert
Pairing: Pretty Gen but it’s Adam/Sauli I guess and an OFC/Adam’s sperm
Rating: PG
Length: 926
Warnings: Crack
Summary: Adam tells Sauli (and others) about his wayward sperm
Author's Note: TOTAL CRACK
Adam spent a good half hour pacing back in forth in front of his front door as he debated how to tell Sauli that some crazy woman was going to give birth to his child. The universe did not give him any good answers. He decided to just walk in the door and just...tell him. He gulped. Maybe
"Hey Adam! Where were you so long? I hope you bought something gorgeous. More boots?" Sauli asked as Adam walked inside.
"Um...No...I didn't get any boots," Adam began, hesitant, "Actually I, uh, didn't get anything,"
Sauli looked up from to couch to see Adam's face.
"What's wrong?"
"Um, baby...I've got something I gotta tell you..."
Now Sauli looked concerned as he got up to stand next to the taller man.
"Adam, what is going on?" Adam took a deep sigh.
"A woman is pregnant with my child,"
At first Sauli just stared at him. He seemed to be trying to determine whether Adam was serious or not. After it became clear he was, he furrowed his brow and his mouth fell open just slightly.
Then he bitch-slapped Adam across the face.
"Adam! What the fuck did you DO!?"
"Nothing!" he put his hands up in defense, "Nothing! I swear! Let me explain please!" he cowered away from Sauli's slapping distance. Sauli took one deep calming breath.
"I'm giving you one chance to explain," Sauli stood back and folded his arms across his chest.
"Thank you!" Adam clasped his hands together, "Ok so first, I did NOT have sex with this woman!"
Sauli nodded for him to continue.
"You see, ten years ago I donated sperm for some spare cash..."
"Ten years ago? How is she pregnant NOW?"
"The sperm bank still had my stuff,"
"Why?"
"No one was requesting essence of Adam Lambert until now? I don't know!! Work with me here!"
"Ok...So did she KNOW it was your sperm when she got pregnant?"
"Oh she knew! She TRACKED it down so that she could have my baby!" Sauli stared at him a few seconds before unfolding his arms and shaking his head.
"Your fans are weird," Adam sighed
"True that,"
"What if she tells the press?" Sauli asked. Adam thought for a moment.
"I don't think she will. As insane as she is, I don't think she's looking for 15 minutes of fame or a scandal. If that were the case, she could've got that a while ago. I mean she was..." Adam made a pregnant belly gesture.
"Have you told Lane? Or your parents!?" Adam's eyes widened in fear.
"I think I'll put off my parents as long as I can,"
"And Lane?" Sauli continued, "Will she be any better?"
"Absolutely not...Where's my phone?"
--
"Heeey Lane..."
"What's wrong this time?"
"Um, not WRONG per se..."
"Adam..."
"Some woman is pregnant with my baby,"
"..."
"Lane?"
"Adam, WHAT did you do!?"
"Nothing! She stole my sperm!"
"She STOLE your sperm!?"
"Well, ok, not steal. She found it,"
"Where the hell did she find your sperm?"
"At the sperm bank? I donated it a long while back,"
"Then this is kind of your fault?"
"No! Well not really. I didn't know anyone would be able to find out it was MINE,"
"Adam...You should know better. These are YOUR fans,"
"I didn't have any fans at the time!"
"What's done is done,"
"What do I do? Please Lane, give me some guidance here!"
"Did she want any money?"
"No,"
"Favors?"
"No,"
"Paternity?"
"No,"
"Fame?"
"No,"
"What the hell DID she want?"
"A baby I guess?"
"Well in that case, I don't really think there is much TO do. Have you told your parents?"
"Mm...nnya...eh,"
"Adam!"
"Fine! Fine! But I'm not telling Neil!"
"Ok Adam. I'll deal with this if anything else comes up. You go deal with your family troubles,"
"Thank you. Bye Lane..."
--
"Heeey dad..."
"What is it this time?"
"A woman's pregnant with my kid,"
"Son, what did you do!?"
"Nothing! Why is everyone's first assumption that I did something!?"
And with a near replica of the conversation with Lane, Adam proceeded to explain the situation to his close friends and family (excluding Neil). His parents were both of the conclusion that he should maybe probably definitely inform them the next time he decided to do something like donate sperm. Danielle thought it was adorable and asked if he was going to buy Julie some glamorous baby gifts. Monte just hung up right after Adam said “my baby”. Brad thought it was effing hilarious.
Apparently hilarious enough to inform Neil.
--
“You got some chick pregnant!? Seriously!? I’m guessing mom and dad expected this a helluva lot more from me than YOU!”
“First off, I did not ‘get her pregnant’! She got HERSELF pregnant with my seed!”
“Whatever you want to tell yourself…”
“And people donate sperm all the time! It’s not my fault she was insane enough to figure out it was mine!”
“I’d say that’s your fault for deluding yourself that anything related to YOU is semi normal,”
“Wouldn’t that include you?”
“I never claimed to be semi-normal,”
“Whatever asshole. It’s not even THAT big a deal really…”
“Ha!”
“I mean, I don’t have to do anything really. I just…know the thing exists,”
“And that you have fans psychotic enough to have your child,”
“Well, I’ll be much more careful how I dispose of my used condoms from now on then,”
“TMI,”
“In case you forgot we’re already having a whole conversation related to my sperm,”
“Ew…see you later baby daddy,”
“Fuck off,”
Here --> http://helloiamsilver.livejournal.com/6887.html
Title: Oh My God...Can't A Man Tell People a Woman's Pregnant with His Child Without Everyone Assuming He Did Something!?
Author: Helloiamsilver
Fandom: Adam Lambert
Pairing: Pretty Gen but it’s Adam/Sauli I guess and an OFC/Adam’s sperm
Rating: PG
Length: 926
Warnings: Crack
Summary: Adam tells Sauli (and others) about his wayward sperm
Author's Note: TOTAL CRACK
Adam spent a good half hour pacing back in forth in front of his front door as he debated how to tell Sauli that some crazy woman was going to give birth to his child. The universe did not give him any good answers. He decided to just walk in the door and just...tell him. He gulped. Maybe
"Hey Adam! Where were you so long? I hope you bought something gorgeous. More boots?" Sauli asked as Adam walked inside.
"Um...No...I didn't get any boots," Adam began, hesitant, "Actually I, uh, didn't get anything,"
Sauli looked up from to couch to see Adam's face.
"What's wrong?"
"Um, baby...I've got something I gotta tell you..."
Now Sauli looked concerned as he got up to stand next to the taller man.
"Adam, what is going on?" Adam took a deep sigh.
"A woman is pregnant with my child,"
At first Sauli just stared at him. He seemed to be trying to determine whether Adam was serious or not. After it became clear he was, he furrowed his brow and his mouth fell open just slightly.
Then he bitch-slapped Adam across the face.
"Adam! What the fuck did you DO!?"
"Nothing!" he put his hands up in defense, "Nothing! I swear! Let me explain please!" he cowered away from Sauli's slapping distance. Sauli took one deep calming breath.
"I'm giving you one chance to explain," Sauli stood back and folded his arms across his chest.
"Thank you!" Adam clasped his hands together, "Ok so first, I did NOT have sex with this woman!"
Sauli nodded for him to continue.
"You see, ten years ago I donated sperm for some spare cash..."
"Ten years ago? How is she pregnant NOW?"
"The sperm bank still had my stuff,"
"Why?"
"No one was requesting essence of Adam Lambert until now? I don't know!! Work with me here!"
"Ok...So did she KNOW it was your sperm when she got pregnant?"
"Oh she knew! She TRACKED it down so that she could have my baby!" Sauli stared at him a few seconds before unfolding his arms and shaking his head.
"Your fans are weird," Adam sighed
"True that,"
"What if she tells the press?" Sauli asked. Adam thought for a moment.
"I don't think she will. As insane as she is, I don't think she's looking for 15 minutes of fame or a scandal. If that were the case, she could've got that a while ago. I mean she was..." Adam made a pregnant belly gesture.
"Have you told Lane? Or your parents!?" Adam's eyes widened in fear.
"I think I'll put off my parents as long as I can,"
"And Lane?" Sauli continued, "Will she be any better?"
"Absolutely not...Where's my phone?"
--
"Heeey Lane..."
"What's wrong this time?"
"Um, not WRONG per se..."
"Adam..."
"Some woman is pregnant with my baby,"
"..."
"Lane?"
"Adam, WHAT did you do!?"
"Nothing! She stole my sperm!"
"She STOLE your sperm!?"
"Well, ok, not steal. She found it,"
"Where the hell did she find your sperm?"
"At the sperm bank? I donated it a long while back,"
"Then this is kind of your fault?"
"No! Well not really. I didn't know anyone would be able to find out it was MINE,"
"Adam...You should know better. These are YOUR fans,"
"I didn't have any fans at the time!"
"What's done is done,"
"What do I do? Please Lane, give me some guidance here!"
"Did she want any money?"
"No,"
"Favors?"
"No,"
"Paternity?"
"No,"
"Fame?"
"No,"
"What the hell DID she want?"
"A baby I guess?"
"Well in that case, I don't really think there is much TO do. Have you told your parents?"
"Mm...nnya...eh,"
"Adam!"
"Fine! Fine! But I'm not telling Neil!"
"Ok Adam. I'll deal with this if anything else comes up. You go deal with your family troubles,"
"Thank you. Bye Lane..."
--
"Heeey dad..."
"What is it this time?"
"A woman's pregnant with my kid,"
"Son, what did you do!?"
"Nothing! Why is everyone's first assumption that I did something!?"
And with a near replica of the conversation with Lane, Adam proceeded to explain the situation to his close friends and family (excluding Neil). His parents were both of the conclusion that he should maybe probably definitely inform them the next time he decided to do something like donate sperm. Danielle thought it was adorable and asked if he was going to buy Julie some glamorous baby gifts. Monte just hung up right after Adam said “my baby”. Brad thought it was effing hilarious.
Apparently hilarious enough to inform Neil.
--
“You got some chick pregnant!? Seriously!? I’m guessing mom and dad expected this a helluva lot more from me than YOU!”
“First off, I did not ‘get her pregnant’! She got HERSELF pregnant with my seed!”
“Whatever you want to tell yourself…”
“And people donate sperm all the time! It’s not my fault she was insane enough to figure out it was mine!”
“I’d say that’s your fault for deluding yourself that anything related to YOU is semi normal,”
“Wouldn’t that include you?”
“I never claimed to be semi-normal,”
“Whatever asshole. It’s not even THAT big a deal really…”
“Ha!”
“I mean, I don’t have to do anything really. I just…know the thing exists,”
“And that you have fans psychotic enough to have your child,”
“Well, I’ll be much more careful how I dispose of my used condoms from now on then,”
“TMI,”
“In case you forgot we’re already having a whole conversation related to my sperm,”
“Ew…see you later baby daddy,”
“Fuck off,”