It's very cold in the deep of space, Kirk.... KHANNNNNNNNNN!
Ever had one of those days when you were a total dick to someone "way-back-when" and never really thought anything would come of it... then sometime later in life, that dick-ish-ness came back on you ten-fold? No?
I am currently reaping all of the bad bad seeds I spent sowing over the last... I dunno... one and a half or two years or so... I really did a number in creating an awesome self-fulfilling prophecy where I have managed to really fuck up what could have been an awesome life. Sadly, this isn't necessarily the first time I've done something like this... but then again, Mom did always tell me "if you don't quit learning your lessons the hard way, you're going to have a hard life." Damn her prescience.
So, I spend my time these days going in-and-out of "just give it some time... it'll be okay" and "uh oh... you're screwed for a decade, buddy! :-)"
Generally, I don't get too down, because I really don't have the manner of psyche for falling into a depression or wallowing in pity or regret... of course, were I to spend a little more time swimming around in regret, mayhaps I would put more forethought into my actions as they're taking place, and I wouldn't get into so many jams.
I think if I were to make a couple-or-so true new years do-able resolution, they would be something along the lines of: #1 When in a sticky situation, keep your mouth shut. Do not talk, just look, listen, and shut the fuck up. #2 Really really really try and make #1 stick. #3 Think about the repercussions of my actions before I talk/act. Which is just another way of stating #2. Finally, I'm going to work more on appreciating the journey, not just getting to the destination...
I'm generally so goal-oriented, I spend too much time trying to get what I want, or get what I want done, that I don't appreciate the time I spend doing it...
I know this is all very vague and meandering... and disturbingly "not funny" compared to the norm of my posts... but I dunno... If it was just me, I could stand on the precipice of the chaos and seriously considering jumping in, just to see what happens. But, maybe for the better, I now have two people that I have to put in front of me... and ... I dunno. Sometimes the weight of that responsibility gives me paralysis through over-analysis... or worse, I get lippy and say/do the wrong thing.
I guess I've just spent the morning contemplating some of my more egregious past-deeds, and see them in a whole new light. Once upon a time, if I were going to do something somewhat "untoward" or flat-out "wrong" or "unethical," "immoral," or maybe even "illegal" (gasp, ME?! ;-) I at least went into the situation knowing: "Hey... if you do this crime, you better be prepared to do that time!" Well, I thought that way for the most part anyway.
Then, if I "got caught" or the situation went tits up... hey, at least I understood the risk. I could stand before my error and admit "yeah, I did that, so yeah, I'll pay the price, whatever that price may be."
Unfortunately, I no longer stand alone. I now face those misdeeds and instead of just having to look in the mirror... I have to look down and see a little kid looking up at me: "hey man... why did you fuck that up for us??" On top of that, I get to look on the other side, and there SHE is, with her arms crossed, looking elsewhere: "way to fuck it up for us all.... thanksforcominout... see ya."
Ugh. Hard lessons indeed.
But, like I said, every day is a new day. And I certainly spend more time seizing the various moments and trying to really be thankful and appreciative for the time and opportunities I'm given.
I really just kinda hope I haven't screwed up mega-big-time... I guess.
Regardless, it's not like I have Doc Brown's DeLoreans at my disposal, so I'll just have to go on making the best I can outta the way things'll work out.
Muzak: = Kanye West - Love Lockdown vs. Radiohead - Reckoner= Reckoner Lockdown Not a catchy title, but the song is great
I am currently reaping all of the bad bad seeds I spent sowing over the last... I dunno... one and a half or two years or so... I really did a number in creating an awesome self-fulfilling prophecy where I have managed to really fuck up what could have been an awesome life. Sadly, this isn't necessarily the first time I've done something like this... but then again, Mom did always tell me "if you don't quit learning your lessons the hard way, you're going to have a hard life." Damn her prescience.
So, I spend my time these days going in-and-out of "just give it some time... it'll be okay" and "uh oh... you're screwed for a decade, buddy! :-)"
Generally, I don't get too down, because I really don't have the manner of psyche for falling into a depression or wallowing in pity or regret... of course, were I to spend a little more time swimming around in regret, mayhaps I would put more forethought into my actions as they're taking place, and I wouldn't get into so many jams.
I think if I were to make a couple-or-so true new years do-able resolution, they would be something along the lines of: #1 When in a sticky situation, keep your mouth shut. Do not talk, just look, listen, and shut the fuck up. #2 Really really really try and make #1 stick. #3 Think about the repercussions of my actions before I talk/act. Which is just another way of stating #2. Finally, I'm going to work more on appreciating the journey, not just getting to the destination...
I'm generally so goal-oriented, I spend too much time trying to get what I want, or get what I want done, that I don't appreciate the time I spend doing it...
I know this is all very vague and meandering... and disturbingly "not funny" compared to the norm of my posts... but I dunno... If it was just me, I could stand on the precipice of the chaos and seriously considering jumping in, just to see what happens. But, maybe for the better, I now have two people that I have to put in front of me... and ... I dunno. Sometimes the weight of that responsibility gives me paralysis through over-analysis... or worse, I get lippy and say/do the wrong thing.
I guess I've just spent the morning contemplating some of my more egregious past-deeds, and see them in a whole new light. Once upon a time, if I were going to do something somewhat "untoward" or flat-out "wrong" or "unethical," "immoral," or maybe even "illegal" (gasp, ME?! ;-) I at least went into the situation knowing: "Hey... if you do this crime, you better be prepared to do that time!" Well, I thought that way for the most part anyway.
Then, if I "got caught" or the situation went tits up... hey, at least I understood the risk. I could stand before my error and admit "yeah, I did that, so yeah, I'll pay the price, whatever that price may be."
Unfortunately, I no longer stand alone. I now face those misdeeds and instead of just having to look in the mirror... I have to look down and see a little kid looking up at me: "hey man... why did you fuck that up for us??" On top of that, I get to look on the other side, and there SHE is, with her arms crossed, looking elsewhere: "way to fuck it up for us all.... thanksforcominout... see ya."
Ugh. Hard lessons indeed.
But, like I said, every day is a new day. And I certainly spend more time seizing the various moments and trying to really be thankful and appreciative for the time and opportunities I'm given.
I really just kinda hope I haven't screwed up mega-big-time... I guess.
Regardless, it's not like I have Doc Brown's DeLoreans at my disposal, so I'll just have to go on making the best I can outta the way things'll work out.
Muzak: = Kanye West - Love Lockdown vs. Radiohead - Reckoner= Reckoner Lockdown Not a catchy title, but the song is great