so i was informed today that a guy i knew and went to school with killed himself this afternoon...it's just...it sucks. it's so surreal and it sucks. i wasn't really close with him, but...it's still heartbreaking. he was the last person i ever would have thought would do such a thing. any time i would see him at the bar or when he'd come in when ( Read more... )

how can one man walk into where i work wearing just a plain t-shirt and adidas track pants and make my knees go weak and my heart race?

ok so maybe he isn't just any old man... i mean, you wouldn't call a guy you've wanted for 11 years just any old man, would you? ugh. i want him and i hate him all at the same time ( Read more... )

because i never posted pics of the tattoos i got when i was in mt.p and russ asked about them in my previous post, here they are:


( Read more... )

i just got back from a walk cuz we finally had some nice weather and i had the day off. but every time i go for a walk, people stop and ask if i need a ride. it's as if i wouldn't want to walk just to walk. and every time i tell them no, i'm just out for a walk they ask "are you sure? it's no big deal" so i say "thanks again, but that would ( Read more... )

i don't feel right. i haven't felt right for some time now. i feel like i'm drowning. it's easy to drown when you feel like there is no one in your life that cares enough to see that you are hurting. i want this feeling out of me ( Read more... )

so i had another lovely 10hr shift today...not. still feel like crap and i gotta open again tomorrow as well as on friday which is going to be another 10hr day ( Read more... )

days like these i feel so empty.

i feel lost...

and i feel alone.

it's days like these i wish the ambulance hadn't gotten to me in time.

i was happy before all of that.

and now i'm just...

empty

i was informed yesterday that danielle is not coming back at all next week. what does that mean? that means i will be pulling 3 more 10hr shifts next week. this is bullshit. maybe you think i'm being unsympathetic, but here's the deal: i'm sick. i've been sick for over a week; my body is so run-down and it can't re-cooperate or heal itself ( Read more... )

it's fucking 6am. no one should have to be up this early. well, at least i shouldn't have to be up this early. i am not a morning person. never have been, never will be. fuck off, mornings ( Read more... )

so today was the 10hr day from Hell. gah. i can't do this 10hr bullshit. it's one thing if i have to work 9 or 10 days in a row without a day off, IF it's a 6 or 7 hr shift. but this 10hrs when i have to open...i was going so crazy around 3:30pm ( Read more... )