Foamy's Dating Advice
This is gonna be dating advice from the lord and master... Foamy. Alright, to you women out there, listen closely, these guys you should look out for... The type of guys that drive around listening to fucking dance music like Zombie Nation and stupid dumb ass songs like that from like the mid 90s that no one gives a shit about. Ya know they play it real loud to get your attention when they're driving by like you're going to throw yourself on the hood like, "Oh I love you... you're listening to Zombie Nation." Ya okay... what the fuck ever. I say you aim for the tires and blow that shit out and then crash into a telephone pole. Fuck that shit. And watch out for those guys that come over on the weekends and sit on their fat ass and watch football. Then every five minutes they say, "Hey babe, can you get me a beer from the fridge?" Fuck that shit. Tell that fat bastard to get up and get it himself. And if he gives the response, "Well I work all week." Well, you know what? I'm sure most of you women work all week too and have to take care of a fuckin child. Tell that fat bastard to get up and get his own fucking beer. Its the least he can do when you've been carrying around a fuckin child in your stomach for 9 months. These lazy fuckin bastards piss me off. And watch out for guys who call you pet names, more than they do your own name. And if they ever refer to you as quote un quote "MY GIRL!" You drop that fucker like a rock. And not to get down on all you guys. Dont worry, there are women you should be looking out for too... alright? Like any woman that dresses like a damn slut, you dont want to be affiliated with. If you can see more clevage than a plumer's ass, dont get involved. Its just going to cause problems when you decide to be possessive and domineering over their life. Watch out for women who wear excessive jewelry. You know, that fucking type of bitch that has at least 15 sets of rings on each finger. Oh, and people with name plates. Ya know, all these fucking women who have their name on a little chain as if they fuckin forget. Or women who have tattoos of their name on the own fuckin bodies as if they're just fuckin stupid. Are they really that stupid that they wake up in the morning, "Oh my god, whats my name?" And they have to look at their ass in the fucking mirror to know who they are... "Oh thats right, I'm Amy." Gimme a fuckin break. You dont want to deal with women who dont know who they are. Oh and here's a good test. When you're window shopping, and they pull you by your arm to a jewelry window, smash her head in the window and then run! Cuz you dont want to have to deal with some money hungry bitch. My only piece of advice to having a sound relationship is, "LEAVE EACHOTHER ALONE!" Dont be overly concerned, dont be domineering, dont try to control them, let them be independent, let them do what they want. You think you people can understand that? There are some times to be suspicious like when your woman walks in with a condom on her head, then you may want to ask a few questions. But other than that, try to trust the other individual and if it doesnt work out, FUCK THEM... let them drop dead of some weird disease. You're better than that and you dont have to validate yourself to some other person's life every individual is an island and can be an island. You dont need a significant other to live a happy life. Stop looking for something that isnt there and live life. SUCKERS...
Your Lord and Master,
FOAMY
Your Lord and Master,
FOAMY