Pax Australasia [Opening Act]
Title: Pax Australasia (aka, that one fic where Oz takes over the world)
Characters: Australia, New Zealand, most of the South Pacific, England, America, Germany.
Rating: 12 so far
Warnings: The beginnings of what may turn into something bigger than I want it to be again.
Summary: Banished from the world meeting under the disapproving eyes of England, Australia tries to figure out how to bring the region he's supposed to be big brother to under his control.
The most terrible of things in history can have the most innocent of beginnings. Is it not said that the road to hell is paved with good intentions? The start of it all can never be traced to a single event, but several impacting events that built and built to the end result. In this particular incident, however, we can find at least a vague point to start the story from.
This story started, as most things tend to, with an argument.
"Sheep shagger!"
"Wombat fucker!"
Australia and New Zealand arguing was nothing new or earth shattering. Most of the world meeting tended to tune them out by this point. If they started throwing punches, Germany would have to step in once it passed the twenty minute mark. If the shouting exceeded 100 decibels (as it had been known to do several times. In one day.) then the two siblings would be thrown bodily from the building to take their problems outside and come back once they were done.
The argument of the day had started over something like an oil spillage. Possibly. Or maybe New Zealand's hair was especially greasy because Australia had poured something on her head. There was so much slick, shiny oil that the two tight curls on both sides of her head that refused to obey her usual hair style were drooping by her ears. That might be why she seemed keen on throwing her ginger beer in his face, only half of which hit it's intended target and the rest of it splashed onto Fiji's.
"Ahh!" Fiji jumped up, nearly knocking his chair over. He'd been wearing a white top, today of all days, which was now turning a nasty yellow colour. "Hey, come on! What the heck did I do?! First you all shun me any now you're throwing stuff at me!"
"That's got nothing to do with it!" New Zealand pointed an accusatory finger at her brother. "Blame him! He's the one that dodged!"
"I wouldn't have had to have bloody dodged if you hadn't thrown the fucking drink at me in the first place!" Australia retaliated, gesturing widely and managing to cause a chain reaction; knocking over East Timor, Singapore and Indonesia's drinks, leading to complaints from that entire end of the table. Even Malaysia's offering of her untouched drink to Singapore did not quell the shouts. Papua New Guinea looked about ready to start crying, and little Nauru joined in the shouting because it seemed fun. The entire Pacific section of the conference table erupted into chaos.
At the other end of the room, Germany turned to America with an imploring look. His power point presentation had been entirely drowned out by the Pacific Forum's shouting match. Grinning widely at his chance to play the hero, America drew in a deep breath, and everyone with sense covered their ears.
"HEY!" the superpower yelled, and the window panes rattled ominously. The arguing Nations froze in their varying attempts to strangle, drown or out-shout each other to stare at the blonde, who for some reason had deemed it necessary to climb on to the table.
Germany removed his hands from his ears. "Thank you America."
"No prob!" the blonde chirped. England pulled him off the table, making him hit his seat with a hard thud. "Gah!"
"Right." Germany cleared his throat. "All of you either shut up or leave, got it?"
"Oh come on-" Australia began, but this time it was England that cut across him.
"Australia, for goodness sake, keep your Forum under control!" the big browed Nation frowned, folding his arms like a irritated parent and giving off a rather convincing air of one too. "Here I thought you were adult enough to be entrusted with such things."
"Pom!"
"I am extremely disappointed in you, Brooke." If England were looking properly at his former colony then, he probably would have seen the sad sag of his shoulders and tightening of his jaw. "I thought you were alright to handle independence, but perhaps not alright with handling power over other Nations."
"But Pom!"
"Goats 'but', and you are not a goat. Take your Forum out and get them sorted and don't come back until you have them under control and behaving properly!"
Grumpy, sticky and put out from being told off, the Pacific Nations filed out of the room, their assorted colonisers giving them similar looks to that which England had directed at them as a whole thanks to Australia. Only one was left in his chair.
Fiji put his hand up, raising a sarcastic eyebrow. "Does that mean I'm not included?"
"Out!"
-----
Ginger beer was a bitch to get out of your hair, Australia was quickly learning.
"Well now what the hell are we meant to do?" his sister grumbled, sitting on the toilet lid of the shared hotel bathroom, picking at her disgusting hair. "We've actually been kicked out for good until we can get everyone to get along. Good going Oz."
"Shut up, it's not like I meant to." Brooke winced as he tried to drag a comb through his hair. "Ow ow ow oww. You're the one that threw the first punch. Drink. Whatever."
"Your oil company was the one that spilled so much all over my shores."
"I know, alright? I'm sorry, geez."
A short silence later, and New Zealand sighed. "I guess you're forgiven. You're helping me clean it up."
"Sure, to help all the little critters." Brooke stuck his head out from behind the shower curtain, soap suds dripping on to the floor. "But that's not gonna solve our problem now."
Katherine twisted her hair curl around her finger. "Right, getting everyone under control. Talk about your Herculean tasks."
Australia ducked back into the shower, sticking his head in the water and trying to think. Alright, so it wasn't his greatest skill, but he was big brother here, he had to be responsible. Especially if he wanted England to stop thinking badly of him. Guy could hold a grudge.
What to do. What to do...
The water circled the drain like something out of a horror movie. No inspiration there, other than the idea of banging his head on the wall until he got ideas. The tiles were blank white, just soap suds on them. Nothing there either. Argh, this was harder than he thought...
"Are you ever gonna be done in there?" New Zealand grumbled, throwing something at the shower curtain. "Os should I just climb in there with you?" she added sarcastically.
Australia's brain was a little busy going over that last part to get her tone.
With him...
With... him...
Of course!
"That's it!" cried Australia, throwing his hands into the air and splashing water onto his sister. "Kiwi you're a genius!"
"What the hell?! I was just kidding you sicko!"
Australia lept out from the shower, grabbing a towel and running from the hotel room towards the phone. "No no no no, I mean, aaaaah, I'll explain later, I have to get to the phone and tell my boss!"
New Zealand stared after her brother. "What the flying fuck?"
----
"No, right, listen boss."
"I'm listening, I'm also waiting for you to make sense."
"Right, you know how everyone's fighting and Malay keeps making moves on Singa and I'm already having to break them up all the time because Singa really does not want, and how Nauru still hasn't grown out of his money faking habit, and how everyone's on Ginnie's back for one reason or another and I think there are invasion plans floating around and how Timmy and Indie-"
"Slow down Australia! And cut out the nick names, for god's sake..." the Australian Prime Minister sighed. "Start again. Slowly, from the top."
Australia sucked in a deep breath.
"We're going to deploy the peace keeping army."
Notes:
- Pacific Forum: Aussie's local grouping of nations. They get together and discuss important stuff like the environment etc. Aussie's like the unofficial big brother/overseer.
- On Fiji: Fiji was expelled from both the Forum and the British Commonwealth when a military government took power and refused voting rights to the people. Iggy and Aussie don't like that. He's basically in the time out corner until he thinks about what he's done.
- Malaysia wants to make Singapore one with her. Simple as. Considering Singapore is approximately the size of Hong Kong with a history along the same lines, this isn't all that unusual.
Act 1
Characters: Australia, New Zealand, most of the South Pacific, England, America, Germany.
Rating: 12 so far
Warnings: The beginnings of what may turn into something bigger than I want it to be again.
Summary: Banished from the world meeting under the disapproving eyes of England, Australia tries to figure out how to bring the region he's supposed to be big brother to under his control.
The most terrible of things in history can have the most innocent of beginnings. Is it not said that the road to hell is paved with good intentions? The start of it all can never be traced to a single event, but several impacting events that built and built to the end result. In this particular incident, however, we can find at least a vague point to start the story from.
This story started, as most things tend to, with an argument.
"Sheep shagger!"
"Wombat fucker!"
Australia and New Zealand arguing was nothing new or earth shattering. Most of the world meeting tended to tune them out by this point. If they started throwing punches, Germany would have to step in once it passed the twenty minute mark. If the shouting exceeded 100 decibels (as it had been known to do several times. In one day.) then the two siblings would be thrown bodily from the building to take their problems outside and come back once they were done.
The argument of the day had started over something like an oil spillage. Possibly. Or maybe New Zealand's hair was especially greasy because Australia had poured something on her head. There was so much slick, shiny oil that the two tight curls on both sides of her head that refused to obey her usual hair style were drooping by her ears. That might be why she seemed keen on throwing her ginger beer in his face, only half of which hit it's intended target and the rest of it splashed onto Fiji's.
"Ahh!" Fiji jumped up, nearly knocking his chair over. He'd been wearing a white top, today of all days, which was now turning a nasty yellow colour. "Hey, come on! What the heck did I do?! First you all shun me any now you're throwing stuff at me!"
"That's got nothing to do with it!" New Zealand pointed an accusatory finger at her brother. "Blame him! He's the one that dodged!"
"I wouldn't have had to have bloody dodged if you hadn't thrown the fucking drink at me in the first place!" Australia retaliated, gesturing widely and managing to cause a chain reaction; knocking over East Timor, Singapore and Indonesia's drinks, leading to complaints from that entire end of the table. Even Malaysia's offering of her untouched drink to Singapore did not quell the shouts. Papua New Guinea looked about ready to start crying, and little Nauru joined in the shouting because it seemed fun. The entire Pacific section of the conference table erupted into chaos.
At the other end of the room, Germany turned to America with an imploring look. His power point presentation had been entirely drowned out by the Pacific Forum's shouting match. Grinning widely at his chance to play the hero, America drew in a deep breath, and everyone with sense covered their ears.
"HEY!" the superpower yelled, and the window panes rattled ominously. The arguing Nations froze in their varying attempts to strangle, drown or out-shout each other to stare at the blonde, who for some reason had deemed it necessary to climb on to the table.
Germany removed his hands from his ears. "Thank you America."
"No prob!" the blonde chirped. England pulled him off the table, making him hit his seat with a hard thud. "Gah!"
"Right." Germany cleared his throat. "All of you either shut up or leave, got it?"
"Oh come on-" Australia began, but this time it was England that cut across him.
"Australia, for goodness sake, keep your Forum under control!" the big browed Nation frowned, folding his arms like a irritated parent and giving off a rather convincing air of one too. "Here I thought you were adult enough to be entrusted with such things."
"Pom!"
"I am extremely disappointed in you, Brooke." If England were looking properly at his former colony then, he probably would have seen the sad sag of his shoulders and tightening of his jaw. "I thought you were alright to handle independence, but perhaps not alright with handling power over other Nations."
"But Pom!"
"Goats 'but', and you are not a goat. Take your Forum out and get them sorted and don't come back until you have them under control and behaving properly!"
Grumpy, sticky and put out from being told off, the Pacific Nations filed out of the room, their assorted colonisers giving them similar looks to that which England had directed at them as a whole thanks to Australia. Only one was left in his chair.
Fiji put his hand up, raising a sarcastic eyebrow. "Does that mean I'm not included?"
"Out!"
-----
Ginger beer was a bitch to get out of your hair, Australia was quickly learning.
"Well now what the hell are we meant to do?" his sister grumbled, sitting on the toilet lid of the shared hotel bathroom, picking at her disgusting hair. "We've actually been kicked out for good until we can get everyone to get along. Good going Oz."
"Shut up, it's not like I meant to." Brooke winced as he tried to drag a comb through his hair. "Ow ow ow oww. You're the one that threw the first punch. Drink. Whatever."
"Your oil company was the one that spilled so much all over my shores."
"I know, alright? I'm sorry, geez."
A short silence later, and New Zealand sighed. "I guess you're forgiven. You're helping me clean it up."
"Sure, to help all the little critters." Brooke stuck his head out from behind the shower curtain, soap suds dripping on to the floor. "But that's not gonna solve our problem now."
Katherine twisted her hair curl around her finger. "Right, getting everyone under control. Talk about your Herculean tasks."
Australia ducked back into the shower, sticking his head in the water and trying to think. Alright, so it wasn't his greatest skill, but he was big brother here, he had to be responsible. Especially if he wanted England to stop thinking badly of him. Guy could hold a grudge.
What to do. What to do...
The water circled the drain like something out of a horror movie. No inspiration there, other than the idea of banging his head on the wall until he got ideas. The tiles were blank white, just soap suds on them. Nothing there either. Argh, this was harder than he thought...
"Are you ever gonna be done in there?" New Zealand grumbled, throwing something at the shower curtain. "Os should I just climb in there with you?" she added sarcastically.
Australia's brain was a little busy going over that last part to get her tone.
With him...
With... him...
Of course!
"That's it!" cried Australia, throwing his hands into the air and splashing water onto his sister. "Kiwi you're a genius!"
"What the hell?! I was just kidding you sicko!"
Australia lept out from the shower, grabbing a towel and running from the hotel room towards the phone. "No no no no, I mean, aaaaah, I'll explain later, I have to get to the phone and tell my boss!"
New Zealand stared after her brother. "What the flying fuck?"
----
"No, right, listen boss."
"I'm listening, I'm also waiting for you to make sense."
"Right, you know how everyone's fighting and Malay keeps making moves on Singa and I'm already having to break them up all the time because Singa really does not want, and how Nauru still hasn't grown out of his money faking habit, and how everyone's on Ginnie's back for one reason or another and I think there are invasion plans floating around and how Timmy and Indie-"
"Slow down Australia! And cut out the nick names, for god's sake..." the Australian Prime Minister sighed. "Start again. Slowly, from the top."
Australia sucked in a deep breath.
"We're going to deploy the peace keeping army."
Notes:
- Pacific Forum: Aussie's local grouping of nations. They get together and discuss important stuff like the environment etc. Aussie's like the unofficial big brother/overseer.
- On Fiji: Fiji was expelled from both the Forum and the British Commonwealth when a military government took power and refused voting rights to the people. Iggy and Aussie don't like that. He's basically in the time out corner until he thinks about what he's done.
- Malaysia wants to make Singapore one with her. Simple as. Considering Singapore is approximately the size of Hong Kong with a history along the same lines, this isn't all that unusual.
Act 1