(no subject)
Twit was on my throne.
Helm: *smack*
Arvedui: *is smacked*
Ow. I see.
*points flamethrower, and fires a warning shot which singes the edge of Helm's sword*
Helm: ...
*throws sword at Arvedui, grabbing his hammer and lunges forward swinging*
Arvedui: *dodges sword, and is nearly run over by Helm. Sidesteps quickly. People are much faster in hula skirts anyway...*
Have it your way!
*fires flamethrower again at the general direction Helm is at*
Helm: *dodges to the side* o.o
Arvedui: We could've resolved it peacefully. We still can. Say the word, and I'll stop.
*fires again*
Helm: Nono. See, your 'peaceful' has me giving you the throne.
Arvedui: I see no problem with that. You get to keep Mordor and Rohan, and even Arnor if you like. All I get is a ruined little kingdom.
Helm: Is this what I sound like when I negotiate with people? o.O
Arvedui: No. I don't think anyone can be as anal as me while negotiating.
Helm: Well, thank Bema
Arvedui: Are we going to continue this fight or actually negotiate something here? *hefts flamethrower*
Helm: You're out of reach again. We can negotiate
Arvedui: Excellent. I want Gondor. Nothing else. What do you want?
Helm: Gondor.
Arvedui: I see. What about Mordor and Rohan? Don't you want those too?
Helm: yep. I was mostly hoping that returning to my conquer-monkey ways would incite my daughter to leave. o.o it isn't working. But being king is one of my few skills, any way. So as botched plans go no one's suffered
Arvedui: No one's suffered?! Look at the city! It's half in ruins, and the other half is still being looted by Rohirric soldiers. As far as Kings go, you're not puting sany effort with this little realm. Not to mention the fact that right now Rohan is in the hands of my wife and her sister.
Arvedui LK: any even
Helm: Your wife? I ordered them to stop. Most of them did. The ones that haven't would be doing it even with you in charge, shot of being shot in the head. Repairs don't happen instantly unless I can remember what prayer you use to summon Aule
Arvedui: So far, the only repairs that have been gping around were started by me. As for your soldiers, I had hoped that with the storm they'd leave. The Palace Guard is in shambles, and the only competent men I have are Eomer and Eol. What I have acomplished is good enough considering what you left me to work with. Besides, I don't see you coming with any other bright plans.
Helm: *raises eyebrows* Crazy little monkey
Arvedui: I think we're all monkeys, somewhere along the line. And my mental status has nothing to do with this. Prove to me that you will actually be willing to take good care of Gondor, and then maybe I'll be convinced to let you keep it. If not, I suggest you abdicate your claim to this throne.
Helm: I *have* been doing a good job. You've been too busy mooning over your sometimes dead wife and vampire chasing to have any idea what's going on.
Arvedui: Oh? Then enlighten me, if you will. And someone had to go after the vampire. He was killing my subjects.
Helm: Everyone went after that vampire and the winner was just one lone woman who wandered off from the group
Arvedui: You are aware that that's Luthien, THE Luthien, you're talking about. She could kick all of Middle Earth's combined arses and still have time to finish breakfest.
Helm: A woman
Arvedui: I'll make sure she hears that.
Helm: I've already called her that to her face. She seemed perfectly fine with the whole thing. Calmness being a virtue
Arvedui: She's pregnant now, you know.
Anyway, we're sidestepping the subject. Gondor's in ruins, and I don't trust you to take good care of her. I have the gods on my side (or at least those who are active), and a flamethrower. I'd rather not have any bloodhsed, but I see no reason why you should have this throne. So... ?
Helm: Patronizing me doesn't make me more likely to do *anything* that would please you.
Arvedui: I apologize, then. I only wish for this to come to a peacfull resolve (with me still as King).
Helm: How much fuel left in that flametosser?
Arvedui: Lots. It's also a high presure water-gun which can blow holes through metal armour, and I haven't used that bit yet.
Helm: Higher the pressure, the more it uses up each time you use it
Arvedui: True. But it used to be Magelin's when he was young, and that, in elvish years, comes to about 50 human years, so I think I'm pretty covered.
Arvedui: Why?
Helm: That's how pressuring things works....putting a lot into a smaller space
Arvedui: Really? Huh. Sounds clever. I'll remember that.
Helm: mmhmm.
Arvedui: Anyway, what now? We can fight until you run out of energy or I get bored fro holding the flamethrower... But that will be boring and futile, seeing how Mandos is nowdays...
Helm: *nods* *sits on the throne and thinks* Well, you could drop the flamethrower and fight like a man
Arvedui: Luthien has my sword and my knives disappeared along with the my armor and clothes. Somehow, fighting in nothing but a hula skirt does not fall under the category of 'like a a man'.
Helm: *plucks sword out of the chair where it got stuck* You could use mine. I prefer my hammer. Or my hands.
Arvedui: You can use your hands if you like. *edges forward carfeully, grabs sword using his other hand, walks back and shifts the flamethrower unto his back so he could swordfight but it would still be with him*
Helm: They are what I'm famous for. Hammerhand. Happened after you, though. *makes himself more comfortable on the throne*
Arvedui: Well, if you're just going to stay there, that's all right with me. *edges towards a certain part of the brick wall*
Helm: Sorry. Rather comfortable.
Arvedui: Good. *his back firmly against the wall, he reaches towards a common brick and presses it. The seat of the throne opens under Helm, revealing a dark room underneath, into which Helm falls*
TakaCrantz: ((Helm's a *lot* bigger than the throne seat. I don't think he'd fit))
Arvedui LK: ((LOL. Does he get stuck at least? and *pouts*))
TakaCrantz: ((sure. Ahaha. Size differences and other such things...Arve's the size of Aragorn, a sword fighter and he's got a flamethrower and the advantage of being on his feet, Helm's six foot five, built like a mountain and famous for killing off half an army with his bare hands so he's got the strength advantage...remember such things! *goes to fix his puppet's situation*))
Helm: o.o gah. See, this is not part of fighting like a man. *tugs himself back up and looks down* bloody hell, how much free time do you *have*?
Arvedui: Free time? What does that have anything to do with it? I have the full plans of the palace, any idot with those could find all the little traps and passageways hidden here.
And whoever said I was actually going to fight like a man?
Helm: my optimism, apparently. Damn gondorians.
Arvedui: Numenorian, actually. We invented sneaky nastardhood. Gondorians are generally sissies, I'm sad to say.
Helm: I'm still trying to figure out the difference between Gondorians and Numenoreans
Arvedui: Black versus borwn hair. Sneaky bastard sea-men versus fattish overconfident farmers and traders. We're taller than Gondorians too. It's not so hard to get used to. Then again, I can't tell any of the Rohirrim apart... Well, aside from you, you stand out.
Arvedui LK: brown even
Helm: But the Gondorians come from Numenoreans, don't they? And it isn't that hard to tell a bunch of blond burly men apart. Just look at our horses
Arvedui: o.o I never thought of that. The looking at the horses bit, I mean.
*deep breath, and anal lecturer look*
And yes and no. Numenorians were mostly wiped out after the Sinking. The royal house and some nobles are still Numenorian, but the rest of Gondor is just whoever we found here. Inbreeding ensued, and thus today's weak Gondorians were created.
Helm: So they're still basically diluted Numenoreans
Arvedui: Now, yes. But I hardly think it matters. They're so different from us... You could say, after all, that we are all Human, but that won't satisfy anyone, now would it?
Helm: not with the joy of racial slurs
Arvedui: My point exactly.
Oh, and we've sidestepped again >.<
It's really a pleasure to speak with you and all, but this thing is rather serious...
Helm: Are you sure? I could probably get you talking about the weather if I tried hard enough
Arvedui: I'm sure. And if we do, Eru might notice and send in another storm, so we'd best not.
Helm: Nothing wrong with storms. Sogginess breeds endurance
Arvedui: Eol's been sending lightening into Rohirrim's tents.
Arvedui: Craftiest little fellow I've ever seen.
Helm: We are smart enough to just go into houses and inns after the first shock
Arvedui: Somehow, I think he'll find a way to bypass that too... But again with the sidestepping. If you want, we can fight, and may the best Man win. Or we could just agree that I will remain King here, and that you will not try to steal my throne again.
Arvedui: Well?
Helm: I...*paces, waving his hands* On one hand *gestures* it'll be easier to say "fine, here. fuck off and if you touch my people again I'll break your fingers" on the other *another gesture, just missing Arvedui's head* I'm pretty stubborn and I hate giving up things. You know how it is. So. *grabs Arvedui's neck* How quickly can you stab me before I choke you? *blinks*
Arvedui: *is grabbed, and training takes over. The point of the sword Helm gave him goest lightening-quick to rest at Helm's Adam's apple*
'ast 'nuff.
Arvedui LK: >.< Capitals. *pedantic twitch*
Helm: Ah. *swallows and ducks his head back a little*
Arvedui: *the sword follows Helm's movements, never leaving it's contact with his skin*
'et 'e 'o.
*dangerous glare*
Helm: *wraps his other hand around the blade and pushes it away, tightening his grip on Arvedui's throat with the other hand* No. *tries to ignore his hand getting cut*
Arvedui: *simply slides the blade out of Helm's hand, the blade some out bloody. Then knees Helm where the sun don't shine*
'ine 'en.
Helm: O.O *chokes Arvedui*
Arvedui: *chokes, frantically waved the sword around, trying to get at any bit of Helm, finally managing to smack the pommel on Helm's head, and knees him again*
%&^@(*^!~!!!!!!!
Helm: *glares and tightens, trying to keep his balance*
Arvedui: *repats actions, until Helm starts seeing stars*
Helm: *adds the other hand*
Arvedui: *slowly blacks out, but seeing as his hands are free, pulls free the flamethrower and fires desperately, hitting them both.*
Helm: al;kslakskaslk; *gives up and falls, smashing Arvedui's head on the floor as he pulls him with him*
Arvedui: *hyperventialtes, trying to get some precious air into him before his head gets bashed on the wall. Strangely enough, it hits another press-able brick on the wall, which opens a cavern benath both Helm and Arvedui and they both fall into darkness*
Then we passed out. Up again, want an aspirin. Desperately.
Helm: *smack*
Arvedui: *is smacked*
Ow. I see.
*points flamethrower, and fires a warning shot which singes the edge of Helm's sword*
Helm: ...
*throws sword at Arvedui, grabbing his hammer and lunges forward swinging*
Arvedui: *dodges sword, and is nearly run over by Helm. Sidesteps quickly. People are much faster in hula skirts anyway...*
Have it your way!
*fires flamethrower again at the general direction Helm is at*
Helm: *dodges to the side* o.o
Arvedui: We could've resolved it peacefully. We still can. Say the word, and I'll stop.
*fires again*
Helm: Nono. See, your 'peaceful' has me giving you the throne.
Arvedui: I see no problem with that. You get to keep Mordor and Rohan, and even Arnor if you like. All I get is a ruined little kingdom.
Helm: Is this what I sound like when I negotiate with people? o.O
Arvedui: No. I don't think anyone can be as anal as me while negotiating.
Helm: Well, thank Bema
Arvedui: Are we going to continue this fight or actually negotiate something here? *hefts flamethrower*
Helm: You're out of reach again. We can negotiate
Arvedui: Excellent. I want Gondor. Nothing else. What do you want?
Helm: Gondor.
Arvedui: I see. What about Mordor and Rohan? Don't you want those too?
Helm: yep. I was mostly hoping that returning to my conquer-monkey ways would incite my daughter to leave. o.o it isn't working. But being king is one of my few skills, any way. So as botched plans go no one's suffered
Arvedui: No one's suffered?! Look at the city! It's half in ruins, and the other half is still being looted by Rohirric soldiers. As far as Kings go, you're not puting sany effort with this little realm. Not to mention the fact that right now Rohan is in the hands of my wife and her sister.
Arvedui LK: any even
Helm: Your wife? I ordered them to stop. Most of them did. The ones that haven't would be doing it even with you in charge, shot of being shot in the head. Repairs don't happen instantly unless I can remember what prayer you use to summon Aule
Arvedui: So far, the only repairs that have been gping around were started by me. As for your soldiers, I had hoped that with the storm they'd leave. The Palace Guard is in shambles, and the only competent men I have are Eomer and Eol. What I have acomplished is good enough considering what you left me to work with. Besides, I don't see you coming with any other bright plans.
Helm: *raises eyebrows* Crazy little monkey
Arvedui: I think we're all monkeys, somewhere along the line. And my mental status has nothing to do with this. Prove to me that you will actually be willing to take good care of Gondor, and then maybe I'll be convinced to let you keep it. If not, I suggest you abdicate your claim to this throne.
Helm: I *have* been doing a good job. You've been too busy mooning over your sometimes dead wife and vampire chasing to have any idea what's going on.
Arvedui: Oh? Then enlighten me, if you will. And someone had to go after the vampire. He was killing my subjects.
Helm: Everyone went after that vampire and the winner was just one lone woman who wandered off from the group
Arvedui: You are aware that that's Luthien, THE Luthien, you're talking about. She could kick all of Middle Earth's combined arses and still have time to finish breakfest.
Helm: A woman
Arvedui: I'll make sure she hears that.
Helm: I've already called her that to her face. She seemed perfectly fine with the whole thing. Calmness being a virtue
Arvedui: She's pregnant now, you know.
Anyway, we're sidestepping the subject. Gondor's in ruins, and I don't trust you to take good care of her. I have the gods on my side (or at least those who are active), and a flamethrower. I'd rather not have any bloodhsed, but I see no reason why you should have this throne. So... ?
Helm: Patronizing me doesn't make me more likely to do *anything* that would please you.
Arvedui: I apologize, then. I only wish for this to come to a peacfull resolve (with me still as King).
Helm: How much fuel left in that flametosser?
Arvedui: Lots. It's also a high presure water-gun which can blow holes through metal armour, and I haven't used that bit yet.
Helm: Higher the pressure, the more it uses up each time you use it
Arvedui: True. But it used to be Magelin's when he was young, and that, in elvish years, comes to about 50 human years, so I think I'm pretty covered.
Arvedui: Why?
Helm: That's how pressuring things works....putting a lot into a smaller space
Arvedui: Really? Huh. Sounds clever. I'll remember that.
Helm: mmhmm.
Arvedui: Anyway, what now? We can fight until you run out of energy or I get bored fro holding the flamethrower... But that will be boring and futile, seeing how Mandos is nowdays...
Helm: *nods* *sits on the throne and thinks* Well, you could drop the flamethrower and fight like a man
Arvedui: Luthien has my sword and my knives disappeared along with the my armor and clothes. Somehow, fighting in nothing but a hula skirt does not fall under the category of 'like a a man'.
Helm: *plucks sword out of the chair where it got stuck* You could use mine. I prefer my hammer. Or my hands.
Arvedui: You can use your hands if you like. *edges forward carfeully, grabs sword using his other hand, walks back and shifts the flamethrower unto his back so he could swordfight but it would still be with him*
Helm: They are what I'm famous for. Hammerhand. Happened after you, though. *makes himself more comfortable on the throne*
Arvedui: Well, if you're just going to stay there, that's all right with me. *edges towards a certain part of the brick wall*
Helm: Sorry. Rather comfortable.
Arvedui: Good. *his back firmly against the wall, he reaches towards a common brick and presses it. The seat of the throne opens under Helm, revealing a dark room underneath, into which Helm falls*
TakaCrantz: ((Helm's a *lot* bigger than the throne seat. I don't think he'd fit))
Arvedui LK: ((LOL. Does he get stuck at least? and *pouts*))
TakaCrantz: ((sure. Ahaha. Size differences and other such things...Arve's the size of Aragorn, a sword fighter and he's got a flamethrower and the advantage of being on his feet, Helm's six foot five, built like a mountain and famous for killing off half an army with his bare hands so he's got the strength advantage...remember such things! *goes to fix his puppet's situation*))
Helm: o.o gah. See, this is not part of fighting like a man. *tugs himself back up and looks down* bloody hell, how much free time do you *have*?
Arvedui: Free time? What does that have anything to do with it? I have the full plans of the palace, any idot with those could find all the little traps and passageways hidden here.
And whoever said I was actually going to fight like a man?
Helm: my optimism, apparently. Damn gondorians.
Arvedui: Numenorian, actually. We invented sneaky nastardhood. Gondorians are generally sissies, I'm sad to say.
Helm: I'm still trying to figure out the difference between Gondorians and Numenoreans
Arvedui: Black versus borwn hair. Sneaky bastard sea-men versus fattish overconfident farmers and traders. We're taller than Gondorians too. It's not so hard to get used to. Then again, I can't tell any of the Rohirrim apart... Well, aside from you, you stand out.
Arvedui LK: brown even
Helm: But the Gondorians come from Numenoreans, don't they? And it isn't that hard to tell a bunch of blond burly men apart. Just look at our horses
Arvedui: o.o I never thought of that. The looking at the horses bit, I mean.
*deep breath, and anal lecturer look*
And yes and no. Numenorians were mostly wiped out after the Sinking. The royal house and some nobles are still Numenorian, but the rest of Gondor is just whoever we found here. Inbreeding ensued, and thus today's weak Gondorians were created.
Helm: So they're still basically diluted Numenoreans
Arvedui: Now, yes. But I hardly think it matters. They're so different from us... You could say, after all, that we are all Human, but that won't satisfy anyone, now would it?
Helm: not with the joy of racial slurs
Arvedui: My point exactly.
Oh, and we've sidestepped again >.<
It's really a pleasure to speak with you and all, but this thing is rather serious...
Helm: Are you sure? I could probably get you talking about the weather if I tried hard enough
Arvedui: I'm sure. And if we do, Eru might notice and send in another storm, so we'd best not.
Helm: Nothing wrong with storms. Sogginess breeds endurance
Arvedui: Eol's been sending lightening into Rohirrim's tents.
Arvedui: Craftiest little fellow I've ever seen.
Helm: We are smart enough to just go into houses and inns after the first shock
Arvedui: Somehow, I think he'll find a way to bypass that too... But again with the sidestepping. If you want, we can fight, and may the best Man win. Or we could just agree that I will remain King here, and that you will not try to steal my throne again.
Arvedui: Well?
Helm: I...*paces, waving his hands* On one hand *gestures* it'll be easier to say "fine, here. fuck off and if you touch my people again I'll break your fingers" on the other *another gesture, just missing Arvedui's head* I'm pretty stubborn and I hate giving up things. You know how it is. So. *grabs Arvedui's neck* How quickly can you stab me before I choke you? *blinks*
Arvedui: *is grabbed, and training takes over. The point of the sword Helm gave him goest lightening-quick to rest at Helm's Adam's apple*
'ast 'nuff.
Arvedui LK: >.< Capitals. *pedantic twitch*
Helm: Ah. *swallows and ducks his head back a little*
Arvedui: *the sword follows Helm's movements, never leaving it's contact with his skin*
'et 'e 'o.
*dangerous glare*
Helm: *wraps his other hand around the blade and pushes it away, tightening his grip on Arvedui's throat with the other hand* No. *tries to ignore his hand getting cut*
Arvedui: *simply slides the blade out of Helm's hand, the blade some out bloody. Then knees Helm where the sun don't shine*
'ine 'en.
Helm: O.O *chokes Arvedui*
Arvedui: *chokes, frantically waved the sword around, trying to get at any bit of Helm, finally managing to smack the pommel on Helm's head, and knees him again*
%&^@(*^!~!!!!!!!
Helm: *glares and tightens, trying to keep his balance*
Arvedui: *repats actions, until Helm starts seeing stars*
Helm: *adds the other hand*
Arvedui: *slowly blacks out, but seeing as his hands are free, pulls free the flamethrower and fires desperately, hitting them both.*
Helm: al;kslakskaslk; *gives up and falls, smashing Arvedui's head on the floor as he pulls him with him*
Arvedui: *hyperventialtes, trying to get some precious air into him before his head gets bashed on the wall. Strangely enough, it hits another press-able brick on the wall, which opens a cavern benath both Helm and Arvedui and they both fall into darkness*
Then we passed out. Up again, want an aspirin. Desperately.