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Helm: Dear Frey: Stop wussing out. She's a looker, that one
Frey: Dear Helm, Thanks for the advice, coming from a man who's sleeping with a wraith.
Helm: Well, in lieu of anything that looked like Firiel
Frey: You didn't notice her when she was in Edoras...
Helm: Did you want me to?
Frey: I didn't want anyone to...which is why I kept her somewhat hidden away with Hani.
Helm: Proving my original point. FORWARD, BOY, FORWARD
Frey: You'll have to forgive me if I'm still a little hung up on my wife of over forty years.
Helm: I thought you were the one who gave touching little speeches about that being in the past
Frey: Maybe being told by another woman that she loves me brought it all back
Helm: Is this a feelings thing? What have I told you about 'feelings'
Frey: If I remember correctly: "Feelings bad"
Helm: Good boy. Now start repressing. Grunt a little
Frey: Hmm, weren't you the one reminiscing about your own wife this evening?
Helm: Saying "She gave me some kids and croaked" isn't reminscing
Frey: Oh, there was more to it than that.
Helm: Was there?
Frey: Definitely.
Helm: do tell, boy
Frey: I dare say you missed her for a minute there.
Helm: She didn't snore. And made good eggs. A man misses the creature comforts. Great, now you hurt the girl
Frey: I'm being honest. It's the best way to deal with things.
Helm: You're going to end up chasing her down anyway and changing your mind
Frey: That's entirely possible.
Helm: So why the first part?
Frey: Can't just skip it.
Helm: real men skip. *nods*
Frey: Real men face their problems head on. Believe it or not, *you* taught me that.
Helm: Now you're trying to dissuade me with flattering comments.
Frey: That was Hama's speciality.
Helm: Point. You're going to go through all that? When you can get to the same conclusion you'd get either way by going "yippy skippy okay"?
Helm: Did I just say yippy skippy?
Frey: You did.
Frey: And skipping it doesn't make it go away.
Helm: Hope not. Does terrible things to your back, too
Frey: e.e
Helm: Enjoy the mental image, boy
Frey: Hey look, I made things worse...
Helm: YOU MENTIONED FEELINGS. I'm horrified. But not in a way that implies any actual emotion
Helm: And for the record, I'm slightly drunk. And suffering from a Eight-related high. All behaviour gets to be excused on that
Frey: Noted.
Helm: *nods* *stoically*
Frey: You know, I've been thinking too
Helm: oh god. it's gotten worse
Helm: Come home. Right now. We'll make you sleep in the stables for a few weeks
Frey: I tried...it's a little difficult getting into Rohan at the moment, what with an army along the boader and all
Helm: I'm doing something about that. Really.
Helm: And your mother is calling Firiel a hussy, by the by
Frey: My mother is dead. End of story.
Helm: We're talking. She's very chatty. She only hit me once for telling her she was more of a man than your grandfather
Frey: Wonderful.
Helm: She says if I keep up fascist rohan she's coming back. Should I hurry with that whole stepping down of the army thing?
Frey: She comes back I'm blaming it on you.
Helm: I'll be busy hanging myself
Frey: And let Hani ascend to throne? Oh no you don't.
Helm: She'd do a wonderful job
Frey: Right. With the "Let's be freinds with everyone" approach? We'd be part of Gondor in months. Or worse, Dunland.
Helm: I was just telling your mother how Dunland wasn't so bad. And I feel that as long as I never have to hear about her and Freca again I can move on from my racism and embrace the country as a newer, fluffier Helm
Helm: HAH. let's nuke them all
Frey: Her and...? *facepalms* Oh Bema. Yes, nuke the bastards.
Helm: And Freca. Want me to get details for you? And a paternity test?
Frey: *checks hair* Blond. Not worried.
Helm: Your mother's a blonde. Could just be her
Helm: *glances at your reply* Good answer
Frey: I *am* trying to keep her
Helm: And here I thought you were trying to get rid of her at the beginning. Disregard earlier nattering.
Frey: This honesty/feelings stuff sucks.
Helm: *pats* *gives beer*
Frey: *chugs*
Helm: Your mother is a cruel woman
Frey: Why do you think I want her to stay dead?
Helm: I seem to be the only person who can talk to her corpse. I think the pleasure should be shared
Frey: I wished her Happy Mother's Day...that was enough
Helm: mmhmm
Frey: She called me "sweetie" and told me she loved me. *shudders*
Helm: I can imagine the horror of any parent doing that. I'm here for you. In a completely not really way. Have another beer. And look more stoic
Frey: Had I actually known her, it would have been fine. She's practically a stranger. It was creepy. *chugs and looks extra stoic*
Helm: I'm sure she's been watching you carefully in Mandos the whole thing
Frey: That's so reassuring.
Helm: She could have done that wraith thing like I did. Wouldn't that have been fun?
Helm: you know, I didn't mean do the wraith thing like that. I meant died and started wandering around as a ghost killing people
Frey: Lots of fun indeed.
Helm: Just imagine waking up late at night, just after we moved you out of Haleth's room and right there at the edge of the bed is your mother
Helm: Sort of floating ther
TakaCrantz: e
Frey: When did Tormenting Frealaf become a pasttime of yours?
Helm: You didn't run fast enough
Frey: I'm Rohirric. We don't run, we ride.
Helm: And lo, that's how tormenting you became my pasttime
Frey: You don't torment Hani like this.
Helm: She's sweet and perfect
Frey: *snorts*
Helm: You disagreeing?
Frey: Sweet? She *pushed* me. Hard.
Helm: What'd you do?
Frey: Slammed Theoden's head into a wall.
Frey: You *are* aware she's involved with a were-ferret we're related to, aren't you?
Helm: No. Not really
Helm: Think she'd shove me too? I could probably get him into the next room if I put enough force into it
Frey: It was right after he'd kissed her too.
Helm: O_O did you boil her? or him?
Frey: I told you, I slammed his head into a wall.
Helm: there's a distinct lack of boiling and disinfectant in that story
Frey: Then she went bersek on me. Threatened me with a sword too, which was actually kind of funny since she can't even lift one.
Helm: argh
Frey: Yeah. My sentiments exactly. He's rather persistant too.
Helm: persistant? *weakly*
Frey: They're seen together. A lot.
Helm: o_o
Frey: Not so perfect now, is she?
Helm: She's being taken advantage of!
Frey: Possibly.
Helm: She's still perfect
Frey: *snorts softly*
Helm: I can't remember any Theos....
Helm: Well, there was the 'Theodredes' they were trying to give to the dragon
Frey: Theoden. Former King of Rohan. Eomer's uncle.
Helm: The one who cheated on his wife? ¬.¬ is it in the blood?
Frey: He cheated on his wife?
Helm: yes.
Helm: I'm talking about Eomer, mind you
Frey: Oh. I'm more conecntrating on the one who's following my cousin around like a ferret in heat.
Helm: Does she leave it unattended? Take it to the vet
Frey: I was referring to him in human form.
Helm: So was I
Frey: Right then.
Helm: hop to it.
Frey: He seems more eager than she does, but then he also has a teenage girl following him around...I think that discourages her somewhat.
Helm: his?
Frey: No.
Helm: okay
Frey: Not really. She's a troublemaker.
Helm: But she's just a girl
Frey: She claimed he got her pregnant
Helm: o.O
Frey: Apparently, that was a lie. But still.
Helm: why hasn't my daughter decided to take up celibacy for my peace of mind?
Frey: I don't think we'll have to worry about that again until she's married. She's a good girl on that point.
Helm: !! still. You're letting him come within forty feet of her. Bad Frey
Frey: He's been a lot closer than within forty feet.
Helm: BAD FREY
Frey: I'm not her bodyguard anymore...
Helm: no, you're her cousin
Frey: Besides, I went away to find out what the hell our army is doing this far south.
Helm: Invading Mordor to expand our borders/kill everybody. And any other country that's nearby
Frey: I think it would be wise to leave Gondor out of that. They have a rather sizable army themselves.
Helm: who said I was in charge?
Frey: The King title kind of gave it away.
Helm: Ask Mr. War Minister
Frey: Oh, you're a puppet King now?
Helm: Not even. It's sort of annoying. On the brightside, I may get to kill things again
Frey: he soldiers I encountered seemed under the impression you were in charge, on some level at least.
Helm: Really? Oh good
Helm: the only ones I spoke to touted some rules and winked at me a lot
Frey: GRanted the ones I saw were fairly low in ranks.
Helm: Should have asked them what I look like. If they said loud, smelly and bearded then it's time to have a serious chat with Erkenbrand
Frey: They were a little busy setting fire to Anorien.
Helm: I never liked the place anyway
Frey: Not much there, no, but it kept them occupied.
Helm: You know, I'm tempted to hand the crown off to Hanild until this is over
Frey: O.O
Helm: So she can chase around the soldiers with a stick, hitting them on the head and yelling "Naughty!"
Frey: She'd never hit them
Helm: Maybe if I make it a shiny stick...
Frey: She seems more intersted in furry things these days...
Helm: lalalalla
Frey: I'm so tempted to yell FERRET everytime I see you now
Helm: See this hammer?
Frey: The one you taught me how to use and defend against?
Helm: I didn't teach you everything ¬.¬ I knew one day you would turn against me, sister-son. And I have waited for this day. And prepared
Frey: My Mun would love to have me respond in witty fashion, but she's hysterical with laughter and weary with lack of sleep. Bitch.
Helm: *bows*
Screw physics. What I don't know can't make my tiny brain overheat.