HELP

[cherub_rock05]

So I tried to start this post like...five different ways but nothing I wrote seemed write so I think I'm just going to dive right in here. I was sexually abused from the ages of three to six by my father. I didnt anyone until I was fourteen when I was sent to a wilderness camp for cutting. My therapist called social services and it has all sort of

Comments

[bornbeautiful]

I've never had to testify in a court, but good luck and welcome. I'd advise you to practice what you want to say with someone. That might help. If you get nervous on the stand, try to take deep breaths, think about what you want to say and then start talking. They have nothing but time. Don't let them make you feel rushed.

[cherub_rock05]

Thank you for your support. I do have a lawyer and will be practicing a lot with her, we will even be practicing what the other lawyer will be asking me, and the worst case scenario. I'm not really worried about being prepared, it's just that all that is pretty much going to go out the window once I step into that court room. But I will just have to do the best I can. Thanks again.

[bornbeautiful]

Let us know how it goes. Best of luck.

[no_platitudes]

Hello Hannah

[cherub_rock05]

Thank you so much for those kind words. I will try practicing disassociating and use it in court, thats the most helpful thing I've heard yet. Don't get me wrong, people telling me to be strong and that their well wishes means a lot, but it's nice sometimes to get something more...well, useful. I share your daughters experience with being abused by the person you are dating. I had a very emotionally abusive and controlling ex-girlfriend. I have successfully confronted and dealt with her, those feelings, and that part of my life though. It's a relief and very freeing. I hope your daughter can experience the same relief. She deserves it, everyone does. Thank you again.

[lb_lee]

It's been my boyfriend who's posted in here before, but this is up my alley, so I'm fielding this one.

First of all, thank god you have a chance in court. I never did. All I could do was make a report, vomit up all the details I could, and go home, so I'm glad you have the opportunity to do your part in making sure he never hurts anybody else.

Court will suck. This is a given. It might help to remember exactly who and what you're doing this for: for your niece, and for whoever else may have been victimized by this man in the past or may be in the future without your involvement.

You've taken a hard path, but you're being strong. Try to fill your life with as much joyful things as possible, and try to beef yourself up for the tough dates. As for the legal process itself, I know nothing past reporting to the cops and making a statement, but if you haven't done that already, you're free to ask.

--Rogan

[cherub_rock05]

At the moment testifying does not seem like a blessing, but after its all over, I think I will be able to appreciate it more. Although I am sorry you haven't had your day yet, how long has it been since you went to the police? I can tell you that this stuff takes a LONG time to process and what not. I told my lawyer I wanted to testify in February of '07. It took them until September to arrest him and then my lawyer said his administrative hearing would be the week of the 26th in November.(the admin hearing is where he would plead guilty or not guilty officially). He didn't have his hearing until the beginning of Feb. So it is a long and painstakingly slow process. I made my statement after social services and the cops got involved because I told my therapist at my wilderness camp(its like a mental hospital but you hike and camp. truly sucky), but thank you so much for offering advice. And thank you for your support, it means a lot, to me strangers support means more than friends. Oh and by the way, check back with the cops in the

[lb_lee]

No, I'm fairly certain right now that my day won't be coming, unless something odd happens. That's for the simple reason that I have pretty much no evidence except a pack of therapy bills my insurance may not cover, and a mental framework that would disqualify my own testimony. I considered pressing charges, but it would cost money and mental energy that I don't have, and my chances of actually winning were very low. So I did my reporting in late December, and that was that. Thanks for the support, though. Y'never know, he might end up getting in trouble somewhere else and my old report may come up

[mourningdoveava]

It seems I've come late to the advice party. That said, a very sincere welcome, and we're glad to have you here as part of our little group. I hope you find it both useful and supportive - and loving, too

[cherub_rock05]

Thank you so so much! I had yet to talk to someone with experience, although all the support and advice was much appreciated dont get me wrong! Anyway, I have this huge need to just be validated and although I do have people who believe me, some of the most important people dont. Like my older siblings, I just want to show them that I'm not lying! It seems the only way to do that is to have dad be proved guilty in court! I fear that if he isnt then I will lose them forever! But I suppose its something I have no choice but to risk. Even if I never see my neice again and even if my older siblings don't believe me I did my part right? The rest is up to them. I'm just so...terrified of testifying. Of saying those words in front of all those people, of having my not so perfect history being drudged up and used against me. Sometimes I feel like I'm not going to be able to pull this off...

[mourningdoveava]

I understand the need for validation, absolutely. ...my partner keeps a stack of his requisite medical information on hand, *just* because he has a fear that people won't believe his experiences

[mourningdoveava]

You have no idea how much what you said means to me, no words can express. Thank you, again and again for your genuine kindness and support, I won't forget it. :)