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[divinecordelia]

It felt like an eternity since Fred left my room, her comfort and questions giving me a brief break from just crying straight through the day. I couldn't keep the images out of my head and no vision I ever had was so disturbing and hey at least I could get rid of the vision images. This one? The one of the bloodied water in the tub, candles lit

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[weloveyouangel]

It took me alot, but I eventually went up the stairs and I knocked softly on the door. It was hard seeing her, I saw her once since we've been back because everytime I look at her, I realize how much I let her down and let things go too far. Faith died because of what happened and that's something I'll never forget and looking at Cordelia kinda reminded me of that. But, I had to get over it. Move on, even though I didn't want to. All signs were pointing to moving on, but I didn't. I'd rather have this cloak of failure hanging around me. I was used to it. It was comfortable and it reminded me that things would never get better, because in the end, they never would. Someone was always going to die, someone was always going to be to blame and most times? It was me that was blamed

[divinecordelia]

I heard him saying he didn't want me to leave but I wasn't a dummy. I could see the way he held back any expression from his face, that was his 'I really can't tell you what I really mean right now leave a message after the beep' face. He doesn't want me to leave. Yes he does I can feel it. I want to leave because if I leave I won't have to look into their faces and see my mistake for the rest of my life. Every time I looked into his eyes I saw Faith's dark eyes shining from somewhere deep inside

[weloveyouangel]

She gave me a cold glance and I frowned then. She thought that I really wanted her to leave? I didn't. I wanted her to stay because honestly? Having to go through this? The thought of knowing that it was because of me that Faith was dead -- I just couldn't do it. I was hanging with Spike alot because in a strange way, he took my mind off of alot of it, but now looking at her, it all comes back and that ... that had to change, but I doubt it ever would

[divinecordelia]

I felt his hand on my hand and then on my arm and suddenly I was being pulled out of my room. Out into the hallway! Down the stairs! I wasn't even protesting either, at least not out loud because my mind was screaming to go back upstairs. My feet hit the lobby floor and he was serious, we really were getting out of here. I felt the cool night air hit my face and I thought for sure I was going to suffocate. I tried to pull back from him but his hand was still gripped on my elbow and he was steering me past the fountain and out onto the sidewalk