[OOC: KEN DINGLING PROFILE] [Comment & Critique]
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ABOUT YOU
[Name:] Jennifer O
[LJ Handle:] armistice_day
[Contact Info:] jgorudjev@gmail.com
[Which of the games have you played?] All
[How much RP-ing have you done?] Semi-regularly on AIM with friends, once in an LJ community RP.
[Age] More than old enough to know better, yet young enough to do it anyway.
ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER
GENERAL
[Name:] Ken Dingling (former stage name: Acro)
[Age:] 28
[Gender:] Male
[Marital Status:] Single
[Sexuality:] Before his brother's hospitalization, and his own, Ken would have said he had the typical interests of an average man his age. Of course, life in the circus is far from average, but it has its own norms. Ken dated women his own age casually, but has had no serious relationship to date - now, he feels it unlikely he ever will. It isn't that he believes his physical state puts limits on the sorts of feelings he's allowed to have - more that there isn't any point sorrowing over a kind of life he'll never have now that he's in prison.
His brother might never wake up to that sort of life, and Russell Berry will never live as a father or husband again for certain. Ken doesn't feel he's got the right to feel sorry for himself.
Like any athlete, Ken is a physical person, in touch with his body - maybe even moreso than before his accident. But when it comes to sex, Ken's head just isn't there right now.
[Occupation:] Former acrobat, trapeze artist
[Ladder Preference:] Rope.
CONNECTIONS
[Family:]
Sean "Bat Dingling:
All his life, Ken saw himself very much the "big brother". Sean was not only Ken's best friend, but his responsibility. Though he trusted and respected his brother as an athlete, Ken still viewed him in some ways as a "kid". The more outgoing of the two, Sean liked to socialize, to meet new people, to rush in - he was always "on", always the performer.
No one could make him laugh like Sean, and no one understood his quiet sense of humor better. Ken misses him terribly.
He wishes his brother hadn't fallen in love with Regina Berry. He wishes lots of things.
Even though he's been told that Sean's prognosis is poor and that the chances of his ever waking decrease with every year that passes, he remains hopeful that Sean will come out of his coma. Lately, since meeting Diego Armando, he feels it might be more possible than he'd hoped.
Though Ken loves his brother and would give anything to see him again, the prospect of Sean's waking also fills him with fear. He would have to confess to Sean, to tell his brother that he'd murdered the only real father he'd ever known - and by accident, when he'd actually meant it to be the girl Sean loved. His actions leading to a prison term that will last the rest of his life - Sean would be abandoned again, alone when he would need Ken most.
The guilt and shame he feels at the prospect are unimaginable.
Parents:
Ken was old enough to remember their parents much better than Sean, but after so much time with the circus, with a bigger, more loving family than he'd ever thought to find, his memories - and his anger - are distant and not so easily recalled. He'll never understand why he and Sean were abandoned - if was money, they could at least have all been poor together - but has arrived at a place where he doesn't feel he has to know. It is what it was, and what it is. Russell Berry was the only real parent he's ever had.
Russell Berry:
Understanding father, encouraging mentor, Russell Berry was a good father to Ken - and to Sean. Ken realizes now that Russell had a blind, indulgent sort of love for his only daughter - different from their realationship. But perhaps that was because Russell understood his daughter's limitations. Not that Ken will ever know now. He holds himself fully responsible for Russell's death and wishes more than anything that he'd talked to his father, confided in him, trusted him instead of hiding from him beneath a mask of his normal, quietly cheerful former self.
Maybe then he wouldn't have succumbed to the anger and despair that led him to make a plan he realizes in retrospect was unfounded in reality - and in anything that his former self could have imagined wanting.
Ken misses his father. Even more because he knows Russell understood, that his father died trying to prevent him from making a terrible mistake.
[Friends:]
Lawrence "Moe" Curls:
Despite not being a big fan of Moe's jokes, he's glad to hear that the clown has become Ringmaster of the Big Apple Circus - and he's grateful for what Moe did for Regina, taking her to court was a wise thing to do.
Ken hears from Moe pretty regularly - post cards, letters and the occasional care package. Though since his mail gets a going over before he sees it, some of Moe's gag gifts get confiscated - not that he'd really know what to do with a water-squirting flower anyhow. He gets along well with his nurses and that sort of thing doesn't seem like a very good idea.
Money the Monkey:
Ken misses Money and hopes his animal friend, his true friend, is doing well. He feels guilt for involving Money in his plot, even though of course Money never realized his role. He wishes the he could see Money, but thinks the monkey might not understand his living situation - he's already put his most faithful friend through enough.
Diego Armando:
Since Diego was incarcerated in February of 2019, he and Ken have both been living in the prison's hospital ward. Ken finds Diego somewhat of a kindred spirit and the two men have struck up a friendship. He likes spending time with Diego and thinks that the older man is maybe one of the most interesting people he's ever met. Unlike anyone else Ken has had contact with (limited, due to his frequent stays in the hospital wing for physical therapy), Diego feels remorse for his actions. Ken knows just how he feels.
Wild Birds:
Birds seem to love Ken - flocking around him, perching on him, singing, and feeding from his hand. First appearing to take a real interest in him when he began to spend so much time alone in his upstairs room after the accident, the birds around him seem to both enjoy Ken's calm, and contribute to it.
Ken has always liked animals, liking to enjoy life through them as well as on his own. He doesn't talk to the birds, doesn't give them names (he thinks they already have their own) - at least not aloud - but their presence is something of a strange comfort.
[Enemies:]
To his knowledge, Ken has no real enemies.
[Other:]
Max Galactica:
Though Max isn't exactly Ken's sort of person, like (practically) everyone else at the Big Berry, he admired the man's showmanship. He'll never understand what the magician sees in Regina Berry, but then he never understood what his brother saw in her either. Ken never meant to implicate Max in his plot (his bust was simply very suited for Ken's plan), but when Max was charged, he both lied to the police and also said nothing to clear the man. Now that he's really himself again, Ken realizes that no matter Max's personality or affections, he never should have been so close to being convicted of a crime he didn't commit. He hopes one day to apologize to Max in person, but doubts the magician would come to visit him.
Regina Berry:
Ken blamed Regina Berry for his brother's condition, and then for his father's death. He knows he was wrong in both cases - Regina was a child playing a joke with with an outcome she was unable to comprehend, and the killing of Russell Berry should never be on anyone's conscience but his own. He's glad that Moe Curls is looking after her - he believes the clown will take care of her, but won't shelter her as her father did. In his darkest moments, Ken still wishes his brother had never loved Regina Berry - but he knows that wasn't her fault either.
If Regina were ever to come to him, asking for an explanation, Ken would give it to her and ask for a forgiveness he doesn't believe he deserves - but he believes that if that happens, it'll be years in the future, if at all.
Benjamin Woodman:
Ken was always amused by the relationship between Ben and his "friend", Trilo, but definitely preferred Ben's company to his dummy's. The circus attracts all kinds. He wonders if Ben Woodman will ever fully come out from behind his wooden mouthpiece and express his own feelings in his own voice, but thinks that even if that doesn't happen, he's likely to be happy with the Big Berry for as long as he stays with it. Which he seems likely to do, given the way he feels about Regina Berry. Well, the circus family may be eccentric sometimes, but it is still a family.
He isn't sure how Ben (or Trilo, for that matter) feels about him - he wonders if he'll ever see either of them again.
Phoenix Wright:
More than anything, Ken is grateful to Phoenix Wright for drawing his confession out of him. He doubts that the other prisoners around him feel that way about their own circumstances (except for Diego Armando, of course), but he wouldn't have wanted to live with not only the death of his adoptive father on his hands, but also the knowledge that another man took the blame for his crime. Ken believes that without Max's lawyer he might never have been able to come to terms with either the accident that put his brother in a coma (and it was an accident, he knows that now), or with his own guilt in the plot against Regina Berry's life that killed her father. In a way, Phoenix Wright saved him from himself.
He thinks that the attorney is a good man, and a good lawyer - it's hard for him to believe the things that people are saying about Mr Wright, they just don't seem like things that the man he knows would do.
Detective Gumshoe: In spite of the fact that he wasn't really himself during the investigation (and, it feels like, for a long time before) he liked Dick Gumshoe. How could he not like someone who seemed to mean so well? Even though he lied to the detective and caused him trouble, the man was never even rude to him. Ken admires the detective's gentleness in spite of his physical size. Also, he thinks Gumshoe's stories and personal anecdotes (which he heard regularly) are funny.
He's grateful to the detective (and his higher-ups) for "going easy on him" - as hard as life in prison might be, it would be even harder knowing that he might be executed without ever having spoken to his brother again. At least now, there's a chance.
Franzsiska Von Karma: Ken feels badly about lying to Ms. Von Karma, who seems very dedicated to the law. He hopes she understands - he wasn't really feeling very much like the old Ken Dingling who would have made a different, and better, impression on her.
CHARACTER
[General personality:]
The one thing Ken enjoys about prison (not that he's meant to enjoy it, he knows) is having a lot of other people around him, all absorbed in their own lives, but also part of the larger life of the place they all call home. Prison is a lot like the circus that way. Since he's in the hospital wing a lot of the time, Ken's contact with the other prisoners has been limited so far, but he likes to observe people and does so whenever he can. A born observer, really, Ken enjoys watching people almost as much as he enjoys watching animals, liking to try to understand their emotional cues, to watch them simply being themselves. He thinks there is something to like - or at least something interesting - about almost anyone.
Ken does lots of bird watching, not caring if the birds he sees are exotic, just liking to see them going about their business in the exercise yard or along the walls. He also enjoys watching nature specials on the television in the hospital ward lounge. But Ken is an athlete, not just a spectator - as well as undergoing regular, supervised physical therapy, he works out on his own. Like any physical person, Ken likes to challenge himself, pushing his body and listening to what it tells him - he keeps himself in training and enjoys a good game of basketball with his friend, Diego.
Doctors have told Ken he'll never walk again - and he knows that even if he could, he'd never fly again like he used to, but he'll never stop moving.
Like anyone in prison, Ken passes part of his time with reading and correspondence. He reads both fiction (he has a special fondness for Jack London) and non-fiction (mainly books about animals and auto/biographies) and corresponds mainly with Moe Curls and a few other old friends from the circus.
Ken calls every week to speak to his brother's doctor. Every week, things are the same, more or less. Though he grieves over his brother, Ken believes that Sean needs his positive thoughts and that his support matters even if he can't be at Sean's bedside. He tries not to let his grief sour into hopelessness, but this is more difficult sometimes than others. Ken tries to work through it the best he can, wanting to be strong for Sean.
Though he's a quiet person with a subtle sense of humor, Ken is naturally open and friendly, if low key. He is curious about his fellow prisoners, amusing himself sometimes by wondering what circus talents they might have, judging by what he's seen of their activities in the yard. Since his friend Diego got a blog, he's been curious about the experience - he wonders if he should try it for himself.
[Appearance:] Ken no longer wears his circus makeup or headband, instead adopting an unadorned appearance. He still wears his hair up, though.
[Background:]
(I've gone into a great deal of my personal canon for Ken in my very likely far too detailed notes on Ken's relationships, so I won't burden you by repeating myself here.)
Naturally of a contemplative, quietly optimistic turn of mind, Ken has found that a Buddhist way of seeing the world suits him well. An autobiography of the Dalai Llama made him curious, and further reading on the subject has only deepened his interest. Though he has not taken up any official affiliation with Buddhism, Ken tries to employ the what he has learned thus far in his daily life. Some things come easily, such as making time for meditation, keeping a vegetarian diet, and aspiring to simplicity - other concepts, most having to do with letting go of anger and self-blame, seem more difficult to apply consistently.
He certainly wouldn't claim to be enlightened, but Ken - with not only himself in mind - is attempting to cultivate an upright heart, something he thinks is worthwhile.
Ken's favorite quote: "Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible." - Dalai Lama
Ken has come a long way in his life, if not quite to a place he could have ever envisioned. He wants to think of seeing his brother again with joy and not with fear, the journey to that place seems long, but time is one thing Ken doesn't lack.
ABOUT YOU
[Name:] Jennifer O
[LJ Handle:] armistice_day
[Contact Info:] jgorudjev@gmail.com
[Which of the games have you played?] All
[How much RP-ing have you done?] Semi-regularly on AIM with friends, once in an LJ community RP.
[Age] More than old enough to know better, yet young enough to do it anyway.
ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER
GENERAL
[Name:] Ken Dingling (former stage name: Acro)
[Age:] 28
[Gender:] Male
[Marital Status:] Single
[Sexuality:] Before his brother's hospitalization, and his own, Ken would have said he had the typical interests of an average man his age. Of course, life in the circus is far from average, but it has its own norms. Ken dated women his own age casually, but has had no serious relationship to date - now, he feels it unlikely he ever will. It isn't that he believes his physical state puts limits on the sorts of feelings he's allowed to have - more that there isn't any point sorrowing over a kind of life he'll never have now that he's in prison.
His brother might never wake up to that sort of life, and Russell Berry will never live as a father or husband again for certain. Ken doesn't feel he's got the right to feel sorry for himself.
Like any athlete, Ken is a physical person, in touch with his body - maybe even moreso than before his accident. But when it comes to sex, Ken's head just isn't there right now.
[Occupation:] Former acrobat, trapeze artist
[Ladder Preference:] Rope.
CONNECTIONS
[Family:]
Sean "Bat Dingling:
All his life, Ken saw himself very much the "big brother". Sean was not only Ken's best friend, but his responsibility. Though he trusted and respected his brother as an athlete, Ken still viewed him in some ways as a "kid". The more outgoing of the two, Sean liked to socialize, to meet new people, to rush in - he was always "on", always the performer.
No one could make him laugh like Sean, and no one understood his quiet sense of humor better. Ken misses him terribly.
He wishes his brother hadn't fallen in love with Regina Berry. He wishes lots of things.
Even though he's been told that Sean's prognosis is poor and that the chances of his ever waking decrease with every year that passes, he remains hopeful that Sean will come out of his coma. Lately, since meeting Diego Armando, he feels it might be more possible than he'd hoped.
Though Ken loves his brother and would give anything to see him again, the prospect of Sean's waking also fills him with fear. He would have to confess to Sean, to tell his brother that he'd murdered the only real father he'd ever known - and by accident, when he'd actually meant it to be the girl Sean loved. His actions leading to a prison term that will last the rest of his life - Sean would be abandoned again, alone when he would need Ken most.
The guilt and shame he feels at the prospect are unimaginable.
Parents:
Ken was old enough to remember their parents much better than Sean, but after so much time with the circus, with a bigger, more loving family than he'd ever thought to find, his memories - and his anger - are distant and not so easily recalled. He'll never understand why he and Sean were abandoned - if was money, they could at least have all been poor together - but has arrived at a place where he doesn't feel he has to know. It is what it was, and what it is. Russell Berry was the only real parent he's ever had.
Russell Berry:
Understanding father, encouraging mentor, Russell Berry was a good father to Ken - and to Sean. Ken realizes now that Russell had a blind, indulgent sort of love for his only daughter - different from their realationship. But perhaps that was because Russell understood his daughter's limitations. Not that Ken will ever know now. He holds himself fully responsible for Russell's death and wishes more than anything that he'd talked to his father, confided in him, trusted him instead of hiding from him beneath a mask of his normal, quietly cheerful former self.
Maybe then he wouldn't have succumbed to the anger and despair that led him to make a plan he realizes in retrospect was unfounded in reality - and in anything that his former self could have imagined wanting.
Ken misses his father. Even more because he knows Russell understood, that his father died trying to prevent him from making a terrible mistake.
[Friends:]
Lawrence "Moe" Curls:
Despite not being a big fan of Moe's jokes, he's glad to hear that the clown has become Ringmaster of the Big Apple Circus - and he's grateful for what Moe did for Regina, taking her to court was a wise thing to do.
Ken hears from Moe pretty regularly - post cards, letters and the occasional care package. Though since his mail gets a going over before he sees it, some of Moe's gag gifts get confiscated - not that he'd really know what to do with a water-squirting flower anyhow. He gets along well with his nurses and that sort of thing doesn't seem like a very good idea.
Money the Monkey:
Ken misses Money and hopes his animal friend, his true friend, is doing well. He feels guilt for involving Money in his plot, even though of course Money never realized his role. He wishes the he could see Money, but thinks the monkey might not understand his living situation - he's already put his most faithful friend through enough.
Diego Armando:
Since Diego was incarcerated in February of 2019, he and Ken have both been living in the prison's hospital ward. Ken finds Diego somewhat of a kindred spirit and the two men have struck up a friendship. He likes spending time with Diego and thinks that the older man is maybe one of the most interesting people he's ever met. Unlike anyone else Ken has had contact with (limited, due to his frequent stays in the hospital wing for physical therapy), Diego feels remorse for his actions. Ken knows just how he feels.
Wild Birds:
Birds seem to love Ken - flocking around him, perching on him, singing, and feeding from his hand. First appearing to take a real interest in him when he began to spend so much time alone in his upstairs room after the accident, the birds around him seem to both enjoy Ken's calm, and contribute to it.
Ken has always liked animals, liking to enjoy life through them as well as on his own. He doesn't talk to the birds, doesn't give them names (he thinks they already have their own) - at least not aloud - but their presence is something of a strange comfort.
[Enemies:]
To his knowledge, Ken has no real enemies.
[Other:]
Max Galactica:
Though Max isn't exactly Ken's sort of person, like (practically) everyone else at the Big Berry, he admired the man's showmanship. He'll never understand what the magician sees in Regina Berry, but then he never understood what his brother saw in her either. Ken never meant to implicate Max in his plot (his bust was simply very suited for Ken's plan), but when Max was charged, he both lied to the police and also said nothing to clear the man. Now that he's really himself again, Ken realizes that no matter Max's personality or affections, he never should have been so close to being convicted of a crime he didn't commit. He hopes one day to apologize to Max in person, but doubts the magician would come to visit him.
Regina Berry:
Ken blamed Regina Berry for his brother's condition, and then for his father's death. He knows he was wrong in both cases - Regina was a child playing a joke with with an outcome she was unable to comprehend, and the killing of Russell Berry should never be on anyone's conscience but his own. He's glad that Moe Curls is looking after her - he believes the clown will take care of her, but won't shelter her as her father did. In his darkest moments, Ken still wishes his brother had never loved Regina Berry - but he knows that wasn't her fault either.
If Regina were ever to come to him, asking for an explanation, Ken would give it to her and ask for a forgiveness he doesn't believe he deserves - but he believes that if that happens, it'll be years in the future, if at all.
Benjamin Woodman:
Ken was always amused by the relationship between Ben and his "friend", Trilo, but definitely preferred Ben's company to his dummy's. The circus attracts all kinds. He wonders if Ben Woodman will ever fully come out from behind his wooden mouthpiece and express his own feelings in his own voice, but thinks that even if that doesn't happen, he's likely to be happy with the Big Berry for as long as he stays with it. Which he seems likely to do, given the way he feels about Regina Berry. Well, the circus family may be eccentric sometimes, but it is still a family.
He isn't sure how Ben (or Trilo, for that matter) feels about him - he wonders if he'll ever see either of them again.
Phoenix Wright:
More than anything, Ken is grateful to Phoenix Wright for drawing his confession out of him. He doubts that the other prisoners around him feel that way about their own circumstances (except for Diego Armando, of course), but he wouldn't have wanted to live with not only the death of his adoptive father on his hands, but also the knowledge that another man took the blame for his crime. Ken believes that without Max's lawyer he might never have been able to come to terms with either the accident that put his brother in a coma (and it was an accident, he knows that now), or with his own guilt in the plot against Regina Berry's life that killed her father. In a way, Phoenix Wright saved him from himself.
He thinks that the attorney is a good man, and a good lawyer - it's hard for him to believe the things that people are saying about Mr Wright, they just don't seem like things that the man he knows would do.
Detective Gumshoe: In spite of the fact that he wasn't really himself during the investigation (and, it feels like, for a long time before) he liked Dick Gumshoe. How could he not like someone who seemed to mean so well? Even though he lied to the detective and caused him trouble, the man was never even rude to him. Ken admires the detective's gentleness in spite of his physical size. Also, he thinks Gumshoe's stories and personal anecdotes (which he heard regularly) are funny.
He's grateful to the detective (and his higher-ups) for "going easy on him" - as hard as life in prison might be, it would be even harder knowing that he might be executed without ever having spoken to his brother again. At least now, there's a chance.
Franzsiska Von Karma: Ken feels badly about lying to Ms. Von Karma, who seems very dedicated to the law. He hopes she understands - he wasn't really feeling very much like the old Ken Dingling who would have made a different, and better, impression on her.
CHARACTER
[General personality:]
The one thing Ken enjoys about prison (not that he's meant to enjoy it, he knows) is having a lot of other people around him, all absorbed in their own lives, but also part of the larger life of the place they all call home. Prison is a lot like the circus that way. Since he's in the hospital wing a lot of the time, Ken's contact with the other prisoners has been limited so far, but he likes to observe people and does so whenever he can. A born observer, really, Ken enjoys watching people almost as much as he enjoys watching animals, liking to try to understand their emotional cues, to watch them simply being themselves. He thinks there is something to like - or at least something interesting - about almost anyone.
Ken does lots of bird watching, not caring if the birds he sees are exotic, just liking to see them going about their business in the exercise yard or along the walls. He also enjoys watching nature specials on the television in the hospital ward lounge. But Ken is an athlete, not just a spectator - as well as undergoing regular, supervised physical therapy, he works out on his own. Like any physical person, Ken likes to challenge himself, pushing his body and listening to what it tells him - he keeps himself in training and enjoys a good game of basketball with his friend, Diego.
Doctors have told Ken he'll never walk again - and he knows that even if he could, he'd never fly again like he used to, but he'll never stop moving.
Like anyone in prison, Ken passes part of his time with reading and correspondence. He reads both fiction (he has a special fondness for Jack London) and non-fiction (mainly books about animals and auto/biographies) and corresponds mainly with Moe Curls and a few other old friends from the circus.
Ken calls every week to speak to his brother's doctor. Every week, things are the same, more or less. Though he grieves over his brother, Ken believes that Sean needs his positive thoughts and that his support matters even if he can't be at Sean's bedside. He tries not to let his grief sour into hopelessness, but this is more difficult sometimes than others. Ken tries to work through it the best he can, wanting to be strong for Sean.
Though he's a quiet person with a subtle sense of humor, Ken is naturally open and friendly, if low key. He is curious about his fellow prisoners, amusing himself sometimes by wondering what circus talents they might have, judging by what he's seen of their activities in the yard. Since his friend Diego got a blog, he's been curious about the experience - he wonders if he should try it for himself.
[Appearance:] Ken no longer wears his circus makeup or headband, instead adopting an unadorned appearance. He still wears his hair up, though.
[Background:]
(I've gone into a great deal of my personal canon for Ken in my very likely far too detailed notes on Ken's relationships, so I won't burden you by repeating myself here.)
Naturally of a contemplative, quietly optimistic turn of mind, Ken has found that a Buddhist way of seeing the world suits him well. An autobiography of the Dalai Llama made him curious, and further reading on the subject has only deepened his interest. Though he has not taken up any official affiliation with Buddhism, Ken tries to employ the what he has learned thus far in his daily life. Some things come easily, such as making time for meditation, keeping a vegetarian diet, and aspiring to simplicity - other concepts, most having to do with letting go of anger and self-blame, seem more difficult to apply consistently.
He certainly wouldn't claim to be enlightened, but Ken - with not only himself in mind - is attempting to cultivate an upright heart, something he thinks is worthwhile.
Ken's favorite quote: "Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible." - Dalai Lama
Ken has come a long way in his life, if not quite to a place he could have ever envisioned. He wants to think of seeing his brother again with joy and not with fear, the journey to that place seems long, but time is one thing Ken doesn't lack.