Fic: What Will It Take For You To Notice? (Freaky Friday AU)
Title: What Will It Take For You To Notice?
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: References to BIOTA
Warnings: some swearing, crack!fic body switching, Michael Bublé as a warning?
Word Count: ~8,000
Summary: Kurt and Blaine switch bodies the night after Blaine reads a fortune cookie at dinner. This results in embarrassing and horrifying moments, confusion at a Warbler rehearsal, and some much needed realizations.
A/N: It's a spin-off from the film versions. I'm not sure what caused me to make this over 8,000 words (but how else do you expect me to wait for 2x15?) I also do not own the films, these characters, or Michael Bublé songs.
The Fortune Cookie: A journey soon begins, its prize is something you currently lack. When what you want is what you have, then only opening your eyes will change you back.
::
::
The night before...
Kurt had reminded himself over and over again that this wasn't a date, especially since Blaine was still trying to "find himself" since his little discovery after Rachel's party.
Blaine had asked him to go out to an early dinner at a Chinese restaurant that was near Dalton. He had insisted that he would pay. He even started suggesting to Kurt the duets they should try out with for Regionals. This wasn't a date.
Kurt was able to confirm this when Blaine started flirting with their waiter. Even though Kurt was slightly frustrated by this, the conversation only grew sour when they started talking about how well they knew each other.
They took this dispute to the bathroom after customers started to stare.
"No, really, Blaine, I know exactly who are. You're a scared boy who cares too much about what other people think of him."
"What? That is so not true. You're the one that spends hours getting ready in the morning, caring about what he looks like. What the hell do you do in the bathroom for an hour anyway? You're sixteen, Kurt, how many wrinkles can you possibly have?"
"None, and I'd like to keep it that way. At least I don't try to seem taller by singing on the furniture."
"Oh, wow, Kurt, you're really going to go there? You know what? Fine. I'm done arguing with you about this. I know you don't mean it. I'm just going to read my fortune cookie now, and we're going to forget about this argument, alright?"
::
::
Present time
Blaine always woke up two minutes before his alarm clock went off. Ever since he was little, when the loud beeping noise startled him and made him cry, he has made it a habit to wake up before it goes off. No longer is he startled awake by the sound. No, sir. Blaine Anderson is prepared for anything.
"Eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh, stop telephonin' me..."
"WHAA?" Blaine woke up in a gasp, completely shocked that he didn't wake up before his alarm went off.
He reached over to turn off the--What? Lady Gaga's "Telephone" was the alarm?
...Hey, he had an alarm clock, not a phone alarm.
And it was 5:30AM, not his usual 6:28,
And wait, this wasn't even his phone...
Blaine furrowed his eyebrows and looked over at the phone, suddenly realizing that the side table was not even the side table from his own room. He was in Kurt's room, in Kurt's bed. Where was Kurt?
A horrible scream filled the room. Panicking, Blaine patted and rubbed the arms that he had in front of him. He even lifted up the covers to check to see if his legs were there, but in fact, two longer legs lay side by side on the bed, clothed with blue satin pajama bottoms.
This couldn't be happening. Physically, mentally, socially, universally, what even--WHAT?
Finn quickly opened the door, looking quite concerned. "Kurt! What's wrong, dude?"
"Finn!" Blaine said with wide eyes, feeling out of breath and violated somehow. "Um, I--"
No. How could he tell Finn this? That he was actually Blaine, Kurt's friend, and he was somehow now in Kurt's body?
Unless this was a dream?
Blaine smiled. "Um, nothing. Just a nightmare, sorry. I'm going back to sleep now, thanks."
Finn eyed him curiously. "Don't you need to be up now to do all your, uh, stuff? Morning ritual stuff?"
Blaine just stared at Finn harder. This wasn't a dream. Blaine was actually in Kurt's body.
"Well, as long as you're okay... I'm going back to sleep now, bye."
When Finn shut the door, Blaine jumped out of the bed and ran to Kurt's mirror.
Kurt's eyes stared back at him and the unfamiliar stare froze Blaine in his place.
The hair on the back of his neck stood straight up, and he wasn't sure whether to cry, scream some more, or jump back into bed and pull the covers up.
Blaine Anderson had not prepared himself for this.
----
He spent ten minutes lying in bed, waiting for a camera crew to come out from the closet or to finally wake up in his own bed, but neither ever occurred.
How could this have happened? Maybe Kurt knew. Did that mean he had to call his own number?
Nobody answered on the first try, but on the third call, he finally heard his own voice speak into the phone.
"Oh, god, Blaine, please tell me that's you?"
"Yeah, I don't know how this happened! Your alarm scared the hell out of me, and now, I'm you! You're me, right? I'm not a deformed lizard or anything?"
Kurt surprisingly laughed. "No, you're perfectly human-looking all right. I didn't know you slept in only your underwear though."
Blaine felt Kurt's his face turn extremely red. "Please, just don't take them off. And they're boxer briefs. Um, but wait, hey! Why aren't you freaking out? I was like screaming when Finn came in here and everything already."
Kurt's laugh was annoying the hell out of him. How could he be laughing at this? How could he be laughing with Blaine's laugh? It was so disturbing to hear, especially when he still heard his own voice when he talked out loud as Kurt. Shouldn't he have Kurt's voice?
"Hey, wait, why do you sound like me? I sound like me still."
"Umm, no, you don't. You sound like me, but you're just hearing your own voice how you normally would hear it in your head anyway. God, it's going to sound so weird singing as you today at Warbler practice."
"Kurt! How can you be so calm about this? We've SWITCHED BODIES." Blaine laid his head down on Kurt's pillows, smelling the slight scent of Kurt on them. It was comforting. Almost.
Kurt chuckled, Blaine's laugh filling the phone. "Well, funny thing, I actually watched Freaky Friday with Rachel a few weekends ago. Sure, I didn't wake up and jump out of bed saying, 'Hell yeah! I'm finally Blaine!,' but I didn't scream and wake my sibling up. Wait, what did you tell Finn? Oh, god."
"Nothing! He was just wondering why I was screaming, and I told him I had a nightmare and he left. Hell, Kurt, how are we going to pull this off? Can it be reversed?" Blaine bit his lip, feeling the softness of what was actually Kurt's lips.
It was interesting feeling Kurt's lips in place of his own. Blaine liked to bite down on his lip a lot and to feel his eyebrows furrow when he was frustrated. Kurt's face did not move exactly the same way that his did. It was an odd sensation.
He decided to go into Kurt's bathroom to sit down on the stool that was placed in front of the sink to do Kurt's "morning ritual".
Was this like some sick, scifi-thriller where they would eventually start thinking like each other and Blaine would forever forget that he was ever himself?
His own voice, which was now Kurt's, snapped him out of his thoughts.
"Well, you read that fortune cookie. I guess we could go to the restaurant and ask questions, or we can analyze the fortune cookie and not know what the hell it means. Obviously, though, you did something wrong. You need to fix it. It was your fortune."
Blaine scoffed, looking at Kurt's gentle face in the mirror. It was still weird seeing Kurt's face instead of his own.
"No, in the movie, both Jamie Lee Curtis and Lindsay Lohan are at fault!"
"Oh, I was thinking about the 1976 version with Jodie Foster, but okay, I guess you're right. But I didn't read the fortune, Blaine, you did."
Blaine groaned, wiping his eyes--er, Kurt's eyes--and then sighed. "Check my Dalton pants pocket. Read the fortune so we can figure this out."
He listened to Kurt get up and mumble about Blaine having a messy room before reading what the crumbly fortune cookie paper had said. "It says 'a journey soon begins, its prize is something you currently lack. When what you want is what you have, then only opening your eyes will change you back'. Wow, we are so screwed."
"Yeah, I know! I have no clue what that means!"
No, Kurt thought.
It means you obviously want love and don't realize you have me, and therefore, you have to get your head out of your ass and fall for me. Since that's not going to happen any time soon, we're stuck this way.
And yes, Kurt could have told Blaine the totally non-cryptic message and it would have made this whole event end quicker, but part of him hoped that this was just a really messed-up way to get Blaine to realize that he liked Kurt.
It was going to be a long disaster.
"Wait, crap. Blaine... I really have to pee."
"No, Kurt! Don't."
Blaine could hear Kurt glaring over the phone, or really, Blaine heard how he sounded when he was annoyed.
"Then come over and hold your dick for me, otherwise I'm pissing every where. I promise not to get off on watching you pee."
Blaine laughed, forgetting for a moment how terribly embarrassing it would be for Kurt to see Blaine naked without the real Blaine there to watch him see him naked.
This was messed up and confusing. He definitely would need therapy, or at least a nap. Kurt's alarm woke him up way too early for this.
::
::
Kurt got used to being in Blaine's body pretty quickly. After he dressed Blaine's body, he had decided to leave his hair curly for the day. The gelled-look did not flatter him one bit, and after school, Kurt thought about trying on different outfits to see what Blaine's body looked best in, with Blaine there observing, of course.
He had to remember that it would be a violation of Blaine's privacy to stare at any part of him for too long.
Earlier when he was going to the bathroom he was almost afraid to pull Blaine's boxers down. It wasn't right to see or touch Blaine's body without Blaine there. In fact, on a normal day, it wouldn't even make sense.
This wasn't fair. Kurt technically had what he wanted but now felt terribly wrong doing anything to Blaine's body.
Hopefully, he'd feel differently tonight when he went to change Blaine's body for bed.
Kurt adjusted to being shorter quite easily that day, and in fact, he was enjoying being in Blaine's body very much. So many people smiled at him and gave him high-fives. Kurt acted out Blaine's gentleman facade as best he could, enjoying every minute of it. How could Blaine think that Kurt didn't know him?
He had Blaine's personality down.
Besides Blaine's ridiculously hard math class, they had pretty much the same schedule, so the day went by smoothly for Kurt. Only when he didn't know a classmate's name that addressed him had he felt slightly embarrassed. He figured Blaine liked to call people "buddy" and "friend", so he just used those for the remainder of the day.
Blaine wasn't so lucky in Kurt's body. It was a weird feeling to just stare directly at people instead of slightly up at them. Blaine wasn't that short, was he?
No.
Kurt was just taller, and therefore saw things differently. If he had to choose, Blaine preferred his short-view better.
Today they had Warbler practice at 5, so as soon as they met up for coffee, Blaine handed Kurt lyrics to the song they would be practicing in two hours.
Kurt smiled and pushed the paper away from him. "Please, Blaine, I know this song."
Blaine sighed, anxious to practice. "Are you sure? The way I sing it? We need to pull this off or people will know, Kurt."
"Oh, please, Blaine, if anything Wes will just think that you're having a vocally-off day. No one would jump to the crazily correct conclusion that we've switched bodies. That would be ridiculous."
"Yeah, ridiculous," Blaine mumbled. Kurt was going to ruin Blaine's chances of ever getting another solo, he just knew it.
"Just, please, do it how I would."
Kurt smirked. "Sure thing, Kurt."
----
They entered the room, Blaine a lot more nervous than Kurt, which might have looked natural to anyone paying attention to their mannerisms. Though Kurt had kind of settled into how things worked within the Warblers, he still always came to practice looking a bit on edge, which is exactly how Blaine felt now.
Blaine shouldn't have been worried about them pulling this off, Kurt thought. He didn't want to admit it fully, but Kurt had it all memorized: the little dance moves Blaine liked to do when he sang, the way he sang, even his facial expressions.
It wasn't creepy that he knew all this. Blaine made it extremely hard for anyone to not pay attention to him. It's just how he was.
Kurt was going to show him exactly how he acted.
"Alright, Blaine, whenever you're ready," Wes instructed, the other Warblers waiting around, holding their music sheets in front of them.
Kurt glanced over at his own body, seeing the nervous look in his eyes. Blaine really didn't want Kurt to mess with his performance.
Kurt was just going to act as closely to Blaine as he possibly could.
He nodded at Wes to conduct the other guys, waiting eight measures until he started singing along with them.
Blaine leaned against the couch like he thought Kurt usually would, folding his arms, while watching Kurt intently. Kurt always eye-sexes me in rehearsal, right? Right.
Kurt turned away from the other guys, and began singing the song.
"I'm not surprised, not everything lasts. I've broken my heart so many times, I stopped keepin' track..."
He spun around on one leg and raised Blaine's eyebrows in fake confusion. "Talk myself in, I talk myself out, I get all worked up, then I let myself down."
Blaine watched Kurt perform intently, glaring at him to remind him not to mess this up. The other Warblers found Kurt's re-enactment of Blaine to be a little odd, what with Kurt poking Nick and Jeff in the chest off-beat and putting his hands on Blaine's chest way more than was ever necessary in a regular Blaine performance.
You're doing it at the wrong time! Blaine thought to himself as he watched Kurt jump up on the couch as Blaine's voice sang, "and somehow I know that it'll all turn out! You'll make me work, so we can work to work it ow-out..."
Blaine's voice stuttered as Kurt used David's shoulder to jump off the couch, not wanting to jump down the three feet to the floor, scared that he would fall down; he wasn't exactly comfortable with Blaine's height yet.
Now it was time to give himself some loving, Kurt thought.
If he was ever going to get his body back, he had to start willing Blaine to fall for him. It's not like he was purposely going to serenade his own self just so he could embarrass Blaine and/or have the Warblers believe that Blaine finally liked Kurt.
The Warblers could currently see Blaine walking over to Kurt with a flirtatious smirk on his face, Kurt looking pissed, and then Blaine holding Kurt's hands as he sang:
"And I know that we can be so amazing, and being in your life is gonna change me, and now I can see every single possibility..."
Kurt, Kurt, you asshole, Kurt.
Blaine smiled as Kurt, deciding to act just as lovey-dovey as Kurt was making Blaine look. Two can play this game, Hummel.
Kurt stopped holding his own hands to walk away and join the other Warblers in a nice finishing of the song. The other guys were happy to see that Blaine and Kurt were flirting more through song, but something was definitely off with them.
Blaine crossed Kurt's legs on the couch as he sang Kurt's tenor part, eye-sexing his own body as Kurt pranced around the room with his hands shaped in a heart.
Don't look at me this way, Blaine, you totally do all of this. It does look this ridiculous.
"I said love, love, love, love... Love, love, love, love... I just haven't met you yet."
As the last note of the song lingered, Wes clapped his hands, smiling over at Blaine. "Besides that mess up in the beginning, I think this was our best rehearsal yet! Good job, guys! Blaine, may I have a word?"
This is it, Blaine said, already hearing Wes in his head tell him that he won't be getting any more solos for the rest of the year.
"Yes, Wes?" Blaine's voice said cheerfully as, observing the other Warblers starting to leave the room.
Blaine stood over by the door with Kurt's arms crossed, waiting to hear what Wes had to say. David made Jeff stay behind to work on the second tenor part.
Wes looked at Blaine a little sternly. "You sing really well Blaine, and we appreciate your enthusiasm, but do you think you could tone it down a little? And maybe we can leave the furniture alone?"
Kurt couldn't help but laugh a little, but nodding at Wes as seriously as he could. "Aye, aye, Captain. Won't happen again."
Wes looked at him skeptically, but just nodded and excused himself from the room to go study for an Advanced Calculus test. Kurt smiled to himself and walked proudly over to Blaine in his body, stopping in front of him to address Blaine's glare.
"What?" Kurt said, smirking up at Blaine.
"You just ruined my chances of ever getting another solo," Blaine whispered, leaning down to say this in Blaine'sKurt's ear.
Kurt chuckled. "You said to act exactly like you, and I did. Wes didn't bruise your ego too bad, did he?"
Blaine glared at him. "Oh, yeah? Well if that's how you're going to act, I best act like you, too."
Kurt gave him a confused look, but soon he was embraced by his own arms as Blaine hugged him tightly.
"Oh, Blaine! I have the biggest crush on you still!"
Kurt pushed Blaine away from him and stared at the now taller boy's eyes in disbelief. Kurt wasn't sure if Blaine being in his body had started to make him act as bitchy as Kurt sometimes was, but how could Blaine say something like that? Even if Kurt had just embarrassed Blaine in front of all of the Warblers, this was still too mean to say. It was one thing for Blaine to know that he liked him; it was another thing to hear him mock him, in his own body, nonetheless.
"I-I can't believe you just said that."
Kurt watched his face soften and even though it was Kurt's eyes he was looking at, he saw Blaine.
"I'm so sorry, Kurt. I really shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry." He offered him another hug, but Kurt just stood there hesitant.
"Blaine, we need to change back. I don't want to be you anymore."
Blaine wasn't generally good at reading Kurt's facial expressions, but having Kurt in Blaine's body helped him know what he was feeling. Blaine knew his own facial expressions quite well from practicing them in the mirror on a daily basis, and he was pretty sure by now that he knew what he looked liked when he was about to cry.
Blaine pulled his own body into another hug and kissed the side of his hair. Wow, he made my hair so soft...
"Can we go over your house now?" Blaine whispered, getting a nod in reply as the two boys walked out of Dalton.
::
::
"Kurt, I can't do this, he's going to hate me even more than he already does."
Kurt shoved his body in the direction of the kitchen, walking right behind Blaine and whispered in his ear, "no, he'll get mad at me not you."
Blaine sighed and walked into the Hudmel kitchen as Kurt. "Hey, pops..."
Kurt inwardly cringed at the name, standing by the wall with his arms crossed.
Burt turned around from the sink to look at his son. "Yeah, Kurt?" He looked over at Blaine standing in the corner. "Oh, hey, Blaine, didn't know you two were hanging out today."
Blaine felt the burn of Burt's stare even though it was relatively kinder for his son. "H-Hey, dad, so Blaine and I were wondering..." Blaine turned his head to look back at Kurt for moral support. Kurt just widened Blaine's eyes in horror.
"Yeah, Kurt?"
"Can Blaine sleep over, dad? I know it's a school night, but we have a lot to discuss, and I'd really appreciate it if you'd let us. We're kind of going through the same major problem right now."
Burt shook his head, leaning his hand back on the sink. "Sorry, kiddo, we already had this talk. Besides, school nights are school nights, and I'm sorry, guys, you'll just have to wait to see each other in the morning."
Blaine nodded with Kurt's head and smiled politely back at Burt. "Alright, sir, thanks for your time anyway." He turned around quickly and walked over to Kurt, pulling him by the wrist into the hallway.
Kurt released his hand from Blaine's grasp and glared up at him, realizing for the first time what his face looked like from this level. Is that really the angle that Blaine sees me at? God, no wonder he doesn't like me...
"Blaine! You have to be more convincing than that! Remember, you're me now."
"Then you go talk to him! He's still scary as hell! I can't do it."
Blaine felt the strength of his own hand wrapping around his wrist. "Blaine," Kurt said sternly, "you need a shower. I cannot go to school as you tomorrow feeling this dirty. You sweat so much in this freaking uniform. We need to wash each other. It's the least embarrassing way possible, and for that, you need to sleep over."
Blaine gulped. "Okay, fine, but your dad is really intimidating."
Kurt rolled his eyes, "He is not. Just be gentle." He gave Blaine an encouraging smile, and Blaine wanted nothing more than to hug himself and stay away from the kitchen.
He slowly went back into the kitchen, but this time Burt was laying down on the couch in the family room watching the sports channel.
He walked over to the side of the couch by Burt's feet and stared at him with nervous eyes.
"Dad, can Blaine please sleepover? I don't see what the big deal is."
Because really, Blaine didn't understand why it was a problem. It's not like they were going out or anything. Didn't Burt know how Blaine felt about Kurt?
Burt just turned his head and looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "Kurt, I'm sorry, but you like this guy. I know that I should have said it differently a few days ago, but you know the rules."
Kurt talked about Blaine to his dad?
Of course, he probably did, Blaine knew they were close, but what did Burt think of him?
"But dad, Blaine's a good guy. He would never try anything with me or anything. We just have the same tests to study for and Blaine is having some issues at home that he wants to talk about."
"Do his parents know he's sleeping over? Do they know that you like their son?"
Despite not actually being Kurt, the question made Blaine blush.
No wonder Kurt is insecure about other guys, Blaine thought. He's constantly reminded by his family to not get his hopes up or not to like someone in case they don't like him back.
Blaine tilted Kurt's head up lightly. "Dad, can you stop bringing me down about that? And no, they probably don't know I like him. Blaine doesn't talk to his parents about half the stuff I tell you, because he doesn't feel accepted by them yet, and it's extremely difficult, sometimes, so can he just sleep over this one time? I'm not a slut, dad. I'm not going to ravish my best guy friend when he's confused. So, really, if you ever want me to be happy with someone, it would be nice if you let him stay. I promise you that if we ever do go out, you have every right to keep the door open when we're hanging out."
Blaine took a deep breath, scared that Burt might hit him for sounding so immature and demanding. Then he remembered that he was Kurt, and Burt would definitely not hit his own son. Score.
Burt just looked back at him with eyebrows slightly raised. "Alright, Kurt, but just this one time. And hey, you know, if you and Blaine... If you two do get together, I'll need to have a talk with him, okay?"
Burt's warm smile told Blaine that Burt was happy for his son, but it just scared Blaine even more that he'd have to talk to him at some point.
But wait, Blaine never said he wanted to be with Kurt.
Why was Burt already planning a speech!? Blaine didn't like that.
Even as Kurt, Blaine was afraid of the man.
"Um, dad, just be nice to Blaine, okay? He's really like, fragile, and I'm pretty sure you totally intimidate him, so just be nice. I know he'd appreciate that, totally. Besides, what makes you think we'll even get together? Blaine's not sure if he likes him, I mean me, in that way just yet..."
Just yet? God. Real smooth.
Burt chuckled a little and winked at him, patting his son on the arm. "Are you two going to study for those tests or not?"
Blaine just stiffened slightly and nodded, leaving the room. Sorry, Kurt, I can't go out with you even if I wanted to. Your dad scares the hell out of me.
----
When Kurt was sure that Burt was asleep on the couch downstairs and Carole wouldn't be home for a few more hours from her late night shift at the hospital, Kurt and Blaine rushed into the bathroom to shower.
Blaine may have been able to convince Burt to let himself sleep over, but there was no way that showering, even in their boxers, would settle well with his dad.
As Kurt started the shower, he realized that he only had one towel with him, so he quickly ran back out into the hallway upstairs to grab another one from the closet.
"Hey, Blaine," Finn smirked, leaning on the stairway railing.
Kurt blinked, forgetting that he was Blaine until a few moments passed between the two boys. "Oh! Finn, hi. What's up?" He smiled, blushing lightly, realizing he was just in his boxers as he spoke.
Finn continued smirking. "So, uh, you and Kurt... Having a community shower?"
Eyes widened, he reached up quickly for a towel from the closet.
"Um, yes? It's not what you think, Finn. I don't even like your brother that way..." Because I'm a jerk...
Finn laughed a little, slapping his hand on the wall lightly. "Yeah, it's okay, dude, I know. Just uh... Be good with him or I'll have to beat you up, K?"
Kurt raised one of Blaine's bushy eyebrows, staring at Finn in annoyance. This is your "big brother" talking skills at work, Finn? Thank god Blaine's not actually hearing you say this.
Finn didn't seem to notice the bitchy stare Kurt was giving him through Blaine's face, but he just smirked once more before heading back down the stairs, "Nice abs, dude."
Kurt stared down at Blaine's abs. Fuck! I wasn't supposed to loo--Oh, who am I kidding? He's gorgeous, it's not really my fault his torso is better than hardcore porn. I still won't pay much attention to your dick, Blaine, but that doesn't mean I can't stare at the rest of you for twenty minutes.
The shower didn't work out as well as they would have hoped. They had decided to not worry about washing anything below the waist unless they really needed to tomorrow. It was too awkward feeling their own parts with someone else's hands for now.
Blaine couldn't understand Kurt's directions to raise his arms so Kurt could scrub them with soap, and it was annoying to have to reach up to massage his own scalp with shampoo. How was Blaine ever going to comfortably twist his fingers in Kurt's hair when they made-out?
Being Blaine sucked. Besides being totally delicious, Kurt thought.
"Hey, so why didn't you tell me you worked out?"
Blaine stared at him in confusion, lathering up his own curls with Kurt's shampoo. "What?"
"You have like the perfect torso, a-and I'm saying this in a non-sexual way...a completely platonic observation... When do you possibly work out? I'm just curious to know, because I'm always with you, and you haven't mentioned it before." Kurt turned around so Blaine could wash his own back.
Blaine smirked. "Yeah, sure. But I don't know, I played soccer before coming to Dalton, so I guess I just like to keep up with the exercising. I didn't think it was worth mentioning, sorry. I usually work-out at night and then just shower before I go to bed. Usually I'd feel all gross and sweaty by now, but your skin has been so soft all day and I feel baby clean."
You've been feeling my skin, Blaine? Hmm.
Kurt blushed, letting Blaine wash his face. "It's called being hygienic."
Blaine laughed slightly, looking at him with a soft smile. "Yeah, good to know, thanks."
It was interesting, Blaine thought. Even when he was staring at Kurt he was seeing himself, but the way Kurt articulated his words made him still very Kurt. It was nice to know that even out of their bodies, they still acted like themselves.
That would mean Blaine's science fiction fear wasn't coming true. Maybe soon he would be himself again.
"Hey, so we need to figure out how to change back, right? Because I doubt your dad's going to let us do this again tomorrow night."
Kurt looked at him. "Good point. So, 'open your eyes' and figure out what's missing."
"Yeah, god, I don't know what it could possibly mean..."
Watching Blaine look frustrated, trying to figure out why he could have possibly changed into Kurt was too sad for Kurt to watch.
Even the universe wanted Blaine to like him.
The laws of physics or magic, Kurt didn't really care to know more, had defied themselves in order to get this boy to start loving him, but Blaine still stayed oblivious to his own feelings.
Kurt felt hopeless.
"Hey, let's just finish this up and get in bed. I'm tired."
----
Much to Kurt's disappointment, as soon as they got in bed, Blaine had fallen asleep. Or he was just pretending to be asleep.
Kurt chose to think it was the first thought.
Kurt had forced Blaine out of bed at 5:30a.m. in order to do is own moisturizing routine and to help Blaine style his hair right for once.
As Blaine changed his body's boxers, he couldn't help but stare at his backside in Kurt's mirror.
"Is that really what my butt looks like?"
"Blaine, I am not going to open my eyes. But yes, probably."
"It's just...I always thought it would look--"
"Blaine. Just hurry and dress me, please. I need to do my hair."
Blaine laughed lightly, smacking his own butt to make Kurt jump.
Kurt turned around to hit Blaine in the chest, but he stopped before doing so, not wanting to hurt his own body by any chance.
And wait, Blaine had taken Kurt's shirt off....
They were both shirtless.
And Kurt had technically just touched Blaine's ass. Neat.
Blaine watched Kurt stare at his own chest while he thought all of this through. He wasn't sure why, but it made him angry to think that Kurt wasn't worrying about the switching back aspect half as much as he was. Kurt was probably enjoying being in Blaine's body and wouldn't want to ever change back.
"You just want us to stay this way forever, don't you?" Blaine snapped suddenly.
Kurt was startled, but glared back quickly. "Oh, yeah, of course, Blaine. I really want to sing all of your solos and wear your hipster clothes."
Blaine started looking apologetic, but Kurt wasn't done. "Seriously, Blaine, why would you think I like this? I miss my voice, my clothes, and oh god!"
Blaine's eyes widened, rubbing Kurt's arms to feel their smoothness. "What?"
"We can never masturbate ever again. You need to fix this, Blaine. I'm serious."
::
::
The next night, after failing to have a sleepover a second time at the Hudmel house, Blaine just sat on the floor by Kurt's mirror, staring at him.
It hadn't started off as just staring at Kurt's face--no, initially Blaine had intended to do Kurt's moisturizing routine (instructions were left on how to properly do it). However, as soon as he sat down to start it, Blaine couldn't get passed Kurt's eyes.
He seriously has nice eyes, Blaine thought, feeling like a creep.
He started Kurt's skin care routine, smoothing his night cream over Kurt's cheeks, smiling as he did it, his fingers hovering over his lips.
He pursed Kurt's lips together, looking at how Kurt would look if he ever pecked someone on the lips.
Kurt was really good-looking. It was a shame that he didn't have someone to be good-looking with.
But whatever guy Kurt ended up with wouldn't be able to compete with Kurt's looks, Blaine thought.
He ignored his next thought that had something to do with himself not caring if his own boyfriend was ever hotter than he was.
Suddenly, Blaine had an urge to kiss Kurt's shoulder, so he tilted his head, gently gracing his lips over Kurt's soft shoulder blade. He laughed to himself, feeling like a creep more than ever before.
When he looked back at Kurt's eyes in the mirror, a sudden thought passed through him.
Has Kurt thought about me naked? Has he looked at my dick yet?
Blaine decided to call Kurt, having his own phone this time to call him with, since Kurt had rationalized that Mercedes would know something was up if Blaine was the one to be texting her instead of Kurt. "You can't do gossip how I do, Blaine, sorry."
Blaine didn't wait for Kurt to say hello, wanting to get right to the point.
"Have you looked at my dick yet?"
Kurt sighed, sounding exhausted (or like he'd been crying). "Sort of to pee, yeah, but I haven't looked-looked at it. I wouldn't violate you like that."
"Well, technically it's yours right now. You said that you wanted to masturbate..."
"Are you saying you want me to jerk-off as you?"
Blaine laughed, laying down on Kurt's carpet. "No, but wouldn't it be kind of funny?"
"Blaine, I can't do that. And no offense, but I don't want you touching me either without me seeing you do it. That's just...wrong. A-And I'm not going to touch your body, because you know it's different for me." Kurt bit his lip, laying down in Blaine's bed.
"Because you like me," Blaine replied softly.
"...Yes. So, don't worry. I wouldn't do that to you."
"Well, if you wanted to you can. I'd never know..."
Kurt hoped Blaine couldn't hear how torn he felt over the phone.
"Yeah, but I'd know. I'm not going to, so don't worry about it."
"I'm not worried."
Kurt sighed. "Is this why you called?"
"Yeah, basically. Also, can you please gel my hair tomorrow? I hate it curly at school."
"No," Kurt said flatly. "It's disgusting and hard to do. Oh, and could you not touch my face so much after you eat oily foods? My skin looked awful today."
"Not unless you gel my hair. I'll wash your face with butter."
Kurt gasped, sounding horrified at the thought. "Fine! I'll do it. Just please, follow the directions I left you."
----
When Kurt ended the call, he felt more like shit than he did when Blaine had called.
Blaine didn't care if Kurt used his body?
It meant either that Blaine didn't realize Kurt would just want him more after they switched back (assuming they would get to, if Blaine ever figured it out), or that Blaine just didn't mind, because he felt nothing for him other than friendship.
But then again, when Kurt thought about it, if he had another guy friend, then he doubted that guy would want him jacking-off in his body.
So, what was Blaine trying to say?
::
::
It was getting late, but Blaine wasn't sure if he wanted to go a third day as Kurt, so he headed down the stairs to find Carole in order to talk to her.
Talking to Finn would have been pretty pointless. Sure Finn knew that Kurt liked Blaine, but as far as talking about juicy day-to-day Dalton stories, Blaine was sure that at least Carole would know something more than Finn.
Burt was not an option for him.
He found her folding clothes on her and Burt's bed, Burt crashing on the couch for the night most likely.
She smiled warmly as he came in the room, noticeably tired from working so late. "Kurt, you're still up? It's almost midnight, hun. What's the problem?"
Blaine was relieved that he didn't have to try to push her into talking about his problems, she was already concerned.
Kurt's parents were pretty cool, besides Burt's scary wanting-to-talk-to-Blaine idea.
"Can I sit on this?" He asked, pointing to the bed. She looked at him, surprised he even asked and nodded "of course". The bed was as comfortable as it looked, the warm light around the room helping to make him feel sleepy and calm.
"Carole, why do I like Blaine so much?" He bit his lip, deciding to make his questions vague, unsure of what Kurt had already said or not said.
She sat down on the bed next to him after she folded the last shirt, smiling downward. "Kurt... Did something happen at school today?"
Blaine bit Kurt's lip, chewing on it lightly to think of what to say. Oh, shit, he'll probably get pissed that I'm making them look chapped. Or will he?
"Nothing, really. Blaine just sang this song at practice the other day, and I wish he wouldn't have. He's always singing songs... You know? And I jump to conclusions and think they're about me... Right?"
Carole took the lack of certainty in his voice for sadness and confusion (which it might have been, too.)
"Kurt, he'll realize soon. Your dad and I were saying so earlier. You'll get 'em." She winked.
What makes you think so?
But Blaine wanted to know something different.
"Why am I even worth liking? What would he possibly see in me? I could just be a really great friend, and he can... find someone better."
Though he wouldn't admit it, he wished he were asking the same question as himself. Really, what the hell did Kurt see in him?
Carole furrowed her eyebrows, turning around on the bed to face Kurt directly. "Kurt, you are a wonderful human being, and sure, you could be a great friend to him, but it's time you got someone, too. Maybe Blaine isn't the one, but I really don't like you talking about yourself that way. When your father and I hear you singing in the shower in the morning do you know how happy that makes us? You've got the entire package, Kurt. Blaine's just blind."
Package, package...Don't say that word when the dick connected to me is not my own, please.
Wait, blind?
Blind as in 'only opening your eyes will change you back' blind? Shit.
"Hey, Carole, thanks for talking to me, but um, you need to get some sleep and so do I. I'll catch you in the morning? O-Or not?"
"At dinner?"
"Dinner," Blaine nodded. Hopefully, not. Hopefully, I'll be me again by that time.
Blaine rushed up the stairs and hopped on Kurt's bed, feeling the thrill of possibly finding out the way to get his body back.
This had been a fun, twisted few days, but he missed being himself. Even if he wasn't yet sure who he really was.
He just definitely wasn't Kurt, that's for sure.
What did Carole even say? Not much.
But Kurt really liked him?
What did Blaine ever do to make Kurt li--
I'm awful. There's only one reason why we possibly switched bodies. Of course... It's my fault.
Blaine couldn't wait another second to apologize.
"Hey, Kurt, are you awake?" Blaine asked softly into the phone, a little after midnight.
Kurt sounded sleepy, or rather, Blaine's voice was tired-sounding. "Yeah, I'm awake. What's up?"
He sounded so peaceful to Blaine. Blaine didn't want to ruin that by saying things he knew would get Kurt's heart possibly racing.
"I'm really sorry that I've led you on for months."
Blaine was sure that Kurt's heart started that whole racing-faster-thing. "...Thanks?"
"No, really. I didn't realize it. Everything I say is stupid."
"Yes, but at least with my voice you sound a little more condescending and intelligent."
At least he was trying to tell jokes instead of starting to cry, Blaine thought.
"Yeah, probably. But hey, it's already been two days. We should try to work this out. Wanna skip last period tomorrow and go to the restaurant?"
"Yeah, sure."
"No 'Yes, Blaine! I want my body back, dammit!'?"
"Yeah, sure." Kurt smiled a little.
Hearing Blaine apologize in Kurt's voice didn't affect him as much, but now Kurt was just dreading being Blaine for one more day. He really missed the Blaine mind & body combo. Apart wasn't as appealing to him.
::
::
The restaurant didn't help them at all, just gave them weird looks and tried to get them to have lunch there. Blaine was almost convinced to stay until Kurt yanked him out of the place to take a walk outside.
"I am not having you read another damn fortune cookie just so we can stay this way even longer."
Blaine smiled as he listened to Kurt rant, walking down the sidewalk that would soon lead them into the park nearest to Dalton.
"I mean, I can't believe they had no idea what we were talking about! What the hell! It's a government conspiracy! Or maybe they just don't care that two guys' lives are ruined forever, because I'm fucking Blaine Anderson! Dammit."
Blaine laughed. "Hey now, you can't fuck Blaine Anderson," he said jokingly, knowing that Kurt didn't mean it in the literal sense.
Kurt just stopped talking, thinking Blaine's comment as a rude truthful remark. Way to rub it in my face, fuckass.
Blaine realized what he said and corrected himself. "I-I meant that you can't have sex with me, because you are me... Get it? Yeah. Sorry. That's what I meant."
"Oh."
Crap. This is working so swell all right...
Blaine really did like Kurt, but it was hard to think of Kurt romantically when all he could do was stare at himself. Duh.
But what if they were stuck this way? What if Blaine stayed as Kurt forever and could never sing all his solos in choir?
What if he would always see the world from a taller persons view?
What if he was forced to have Burt as a father?
"Blaine?" Kurt asked, sounding slightly concerned that Blaine was staring off into space for quite some time without saying anything.
When Kurt said his name, he said it in a way that was just so Kurt. Even though Blaine turned to the side and just witnessed himself staring back at him, the way Kurt was even standing was so Kurt.
And at that moment he no longer saw himself. He saw Kurt.
Without really thinking, Blaine quickly closed the space between them, leaning down slightly to kiss Kurt on the lips.
For a moment, all of their senses were focused on the nerves that were letting them feel their lips pressed against each others.
Kurt pulled back, almost shoving Blaine, before Blaine could remember what planet he was even on. "Oh my GOD! WE JUST KISSED OURSELVES."
Blaine stared at him for a second just smiling in a daze, but then, "...Oh, Oh my god. Oh, SHIT! We did. Yep, wow. That happened. I just kissed myself."
"That's so weird."
"I dig it."
"You're so gross."
"I kissed you, so shut up. Aren't you happy?"
"...No. I just kissed myself. W-Wait, why'd you do that even?"
Blaine just smiled, tilting his head a little playfully. "I see you..."
Kurt mumbled something about Avatar, but then just embraced himself, or Blaine, into a nice hug.
They just leaned their heads on each others shoulders, breathing in the scent of the other and the chilled winter air around them.
When they pulled back, Blaine had to tilt his head up ever so slightly to look into Kurt's eyes, and the moment was wonder--
"KURT!"
"...BLAINE!"
They jumped away from each other to make sure that if they stayed far enough away then they'd have a better chance at not changing back into each other.
"Dude, I broke the spell!" Blaine laughed, running back at Kurt to hug him.
Kurt wasn't more than two feet from him, so the run was more of a lunge, but for once Kurt didn't care that his bubble had been invaded.
"Yeah, sure, Blaine." Kurt laughed into the tight hug. "Your first kiss was with yourself, just so you know."
Blaine pulled back, glaring at him playfully, still incredibly happy to be himself again. "Hey, no, I kissed Rachel."
Kurt narrowed his eyes and tilted his head. "One that counted."
Blaine smiled. "Yeah, okay. I'm saying it was you though, if anyone ever asks. My first real kiss was you, not myself!"
"Sounds fine to me. But really, it was yourself, you narcissistic jerk."
"Whatever, Kurt. So um, boyfriends?"
"Hell no."
"What!?"
"We had to switch. bodies. for you to realize I'm amazing. Why should I just let you have me just like that?" He snapped his fingers to emphasize his point. Blaine just smiled at him mischievously.
"I looked at your penis for a long time, I'm a creep."
"Screw you! I can't--Okay. I did, too, actually."
Blaine took his hand and swung their arms back and forth, staring back at Kurt. "So, I think we should try to convince your dad that we still don't like each other this weekend, and then we can have a non-sleepover."
"You're taking me on a real date before we have sex."
Blaine pulled his hand away, walking back towards the way they came. "Who said anything about sex? I was thinking about reading in bed...So much reading to do...All night long..."
Kurt sighed as Blaine stopped in front of the restaurant again. "Our first date should be here!" Blaine laughed.
"Why do I even like you? Sometimes, I wonder why the universe hates me so much."
"Apparently it loves you enough to let you switch bodies with the guy you like, gosh. Don't be so hard on the universe, Kurt."
"I guess. If it really loved me though, it would have let me switch bodies with Angelina Jolie. Then I'd be sexing Brad Pitt right now."
"Oh, yeah, true. Alright. I can support that."
They walked back into Dalton's parking lot, Blaine having grabbed Kurt's hand halfway before they got back there. "By the way, why did I get a text from Rachel when I had your phone still that said, 'I'm really happy for you, Kurt'?"
Kurt smiled a little, walking towards the front steps of the school building. "Oh, because the first morning I was getting ready for school as you, I called her and told her how much you realized you liked me and wanted to be with me. It was pay back."
"Wow, that's harsh."
"Hey, little did I know I was just predicting the future. No harm in that."
"How much did you tell her that I liked you?"
Kurt stopped at the front doors of Dalton and looked back at Blaine. "I told her that you liked me so much that every time you see me, your heart bursts out of your chest and your dick explodes with enthusiasm."
Blaine nodded understandingly, opening one of the doors for both of them to enter. "Seems about right."
----
I apologize for my sense of humor, and I hope you didn't just die from confusion. Tuesday needs to come like now. Agreed?
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: References to BIOTA
Warnings: some swearing, crack!fic body switching, Michael Bublé as a warning?
Word Count: ~8,000
Summary: Kurt and Blaine switch bodies the night after Blaine reads a fortune cookie at dinner. This results in embarrassing and horrifying moments, confusion at a Warbler rehearsal, and some much needed realizations.
A/N: It's a spin-off from the film versions. I'm not sure what caused me to make this over 8,000 words (but how else do you expect me to wait for 2x15?) I also do not own the films, these characters, or Michael Bublé songs.
The Fortune Cookie: A journey soon begins, its prize is something you currently lack. When what you want is what you have, then only opening your eyes will change you back.
::
::
The night before...
Kurt had reminded himself over and over again that this wasn't a date, especially since Blaine was still trying to "find himself" since his little discovery after Rachel's party.
Blaine had asked him to go out to an early dinner at a Chinese restaurant that was near Dalton. He had insisted that he would pay. He even started suggesting to Kurt the duets they should try out with for Regionals. This wasn't a date.
Kurt was able to confirm this when Blaine started flirting with their waiter. Even though Kurt was slightly frustrated by this, the conversation only grew sour when they started talking about how well they knew each other.
They took this dispute to the bathroom after customers started to stare.
"No, really, Blaine, I know exactly who are. You're a scared boy who cares too much about what other people think of him."
"What? That is so not true. You're the one that spends hours getting ready in the morning, caring about what he looks like. What the hell do you do in the bathroom for an hour anyway? You're sixteen, Kurt, how many wrinkles can you possibly have?"
"None, and I'd like to keep it that way. At least I don't try to seem taller by singing on the furniture."
"Oh, wow, Kurt, you're really going to go there? You know what? Fine. I'm done arguing with you about this. I know you don't mean it. I'm just going to read my fortune cookie now, and we're going to forget about this argument, alright?"
::
::
Present time
Blaine always woke up two minutes before his alarm clock went off. Ever since he was little, when the loud beeping noise startled him and made him cry, he has made it a habit to wake up before it goes off. No longer is he startled awake by the sound. No, sir. Blaine Anderson is prepared for anything.
"Eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh, stop telephonin' me..."
"WHAA?" Blaine woke up in a gasp, completely shocked that he didn't wake up before his alarm went off.
He reached over to turn off the--What? Lady Gaga's "Telephone" was the alarm?
...Hey, he had an alarm clock, not a phone alarm.
And it was 5:30AM, not his usual 6:28,
And wait, this wasn't even his phone...
Blaine furrowed his eyebrows and looked over at the phone, suddenly realizing that the side table was not even the side table from his own room. He was in Kurt's room, in Kurt's bed. Where was Kurt?
A horrible scream filled the room. Panicking, Blaine patted and rubbed the arms that he had in front of him. He even lifted up the covers to check to see if his legs were there, but in fact, two longer legs lay side by side on the bed, clothed with blue satin pajama bottoms.
This couldn't be happening. Physically, mentally, socially, universally, what even--WHAT?
Finn quickly opened the door, looking quite concerned. "Kurt! What's wrong, dude?"
"Finn!" Blaine said with wide eyes, feeling out of breath and violated somehow. "Um, I--"
No. How could he tell Finn this? That he was actually Blaine, Kurt's friend, and he was somehow now in Kurt's body?
Unless this was a dream?
Blaine smiled. "Um, nothing. Just a nightmare, sorry. I'm going back to sleep now, thanks."
Finn eyed him curiously. "Don't you need to be up now to do all your, uh, stuff? Morning ritual stuff?"
Blaine just stared at Finn harder. This wasn't a dream. Blaine was actually in Kurt's body.
"Well, as long as you're okay... I'm going back to sleep now, bye."
When Finn shut the door, Blaine jumped out of the bed and ran to Kurt's mirror.
Kurt's eyes stared back at him and the unfamiliar stare froze Blaine in his place.
The hair on the back of his neck stood straight up, and he wasn't sure whether to cry, scream some more, or jump back into bed and pull the covers up.
Blaine Anderson had not prepared himself for this.
----
He spent ten minutes lying in bed, waiting for a camera crew to come out from the closet or to finally wake up in his own bed, but neither ever occurred.
How could this have happened? Maybe Kurt knew. Did that mean he had to call his own number?
Nobody answered on the first try, but on the third call, he finally heard his own voice speak into the phone.
"Oh, god, Blaine, please tell me that's you?"
"Yeah, I don't know how this happened! Your alarm scared the hell out of me, and now, I'm you! You're me, right? I'm not a deformed lizard or anything?"
Kurt surprisingly laughed. "No, you're perfectly human-looking all right. I didn't know you slept in only your underwear though."
Blaine felt Kurt's his face turn extremely red. "Please, just don't take them off. And they're boxer briefs. Um, but wait, hey! Why aren't you freaking out? I was like screaming when Finn came in here and everything already."
Kurt's laugh was annoying the hell out of him. How could he be laughing at this? How could he be laughing with Blaine's laugh? It was so disturbing to hear, especially when he still heard his own voice when he talked out loud as Kurt. Shouldn't he have Kurt's voice?
"Hey, wait, why do you sound like me? I sound like me still."
"Umm, no, you don't. You sound like me, but you're just hearing your own voice how you normally would hear it in your head anyway. God, it's going to sound so weird singing as you today at Warbler practice."
"Kurt! How can you be so calm about this? We've SWITCHED BODIES." Blaine laid his head down on Kurt's pillows, smelling the slight scent of Kurt on them. It was comforting. Almost.
Kurt chuckled, Blaine's laugh filling the phone. "Well, funny thing, I actually watched Freaky Friday with Rachel a few weekends ago. Sure, I didn't wake up and jump out of bed saying, 'Hell yeah! I'm finally Blaine!,' but I didn't scream and wake my sibling up. Wait, what did you tell Finn? Oh, god."
"Nothing! He was just wondering why I was screaming, and I told him I had a nightmare and he left. Hell, Kurt, how are we going to pull this off? Can it be reversed?" Blaine bit his lip, feeling the softness of what was actually Kurt's lips.
It was interesting feeling Kurt's lips in place of his own. Blaine liked to bite down on his lip a lot and to feel his eyebrows furrow when he was frustrated. Kurt's face did not move exactly the same way that his did. It was an odd sensation.
He decided to go into Kurt's bathroom to sit down on the stool that was placed in front of the sink to do Kurt's "morning ritual".
Was this like some sick, scifi-thriller where they would eventually start thinking like each other and Blaine would forever forget that he was ever himself?
His own voice, which was now Kurt's, snapped him out of his thoughts.
"Well, you read that fortune cookie. I guess we could go to the restaurant and ask questions, or we can analyze the fortune cookie and not know what the hell it means. Obviously, though, you did something wrong. You need to fix it. It was your fortune."
Blaine scoffed, looking at Kurt's gentle face in the mirror. It was still weird seeing Kurt's face instead of his own.
"No, in the movie, both Jamie Lee Curtis and Lindsay Lohan are at fault!"
"Oh, I was thinking about the 1976 version with Jodie Foster, but okay, I guess you're right. But I didn't read the fortune, Blaine, you did."
Blaine groaned, wiping his eyes--er, Kurt's eyes--and then sighed. "Check my Dalton pants pocket. Read the fortune so we can figure this out."
He listened to Kurt get up and mumble about Blaine having a messy room before reading what the crumbly fortune cookie paper had said. "It says 'a journey soon begins, its prize is something you currently lack. When what you want is what you have, then only opening your eyes will change you back'. Wow, we are so screwed."
"Yeah, I know! I have no clue what that means!"
No, Kurt thought.
It means you obviously want love and don't realize you have me, and therefore, you have to get your head out of your ass and fall for me. Since that's not going to happen any time soon, we're stuck this way.
And yes, Kurt could have told Blaine the totally non-cryptic message and it would have made this whole event end quicker, but part of him hoped that this was just a really messed-up way to get Blaine to realize that he liked Kurt.
It was going to be a long disaster.
"Wait, crap. Blaine... I really have to pee."
"No, Kurt! Don't."
Blaine could hear Kurt glaring over the phone, or really, Blaine heard how he sounded when he was annoyed.
"Then come over and hold your dick for me, otherwise I'm pissing every where. I promise not to get off on watching you pee."
Blaine laughed, forgetting for a moment how terribly embarrassing it would be for Kurt to see Blaine naked without the real Blaine there to watch him see him naked.
This was messed up and confusing. He definitely would need therapy, or at least a nap. Kurt's alarm woke him up way too early for this.
::
::
Kurt got used to being in Blaine's body pretty quickly. After he dressed Blaine's body, he had decided to leave his hair curly for the day. The gelled-look did not flatter him one bit, and after school, Kurt thought about trying on different outfits to see what Blaine's body looked best in, with Blaine there observing, of course.
He had to remember that it would be a violation of Blaine's privacy to stare at any part of him for too long.
Earlier when he was going to the bathroom he was almost afraid to pull Blaine's boxers down. It wasn't right to see or touch Blaine's body without Blaine there. In fact, on a normal day, it wouldn't even make sense.
This wasn't fair. Kurt technically had what he wanted but now felt terribly wrong doing anything to Blaine's body.
Hopefully, he'd feel differently tonight when he went to change Blaine's body for bed.
Kurt adjusted to being shorter quite easily that day, and in fact, he was enjoying being in Blaine's body very much. So many people smiled at him and gave him high-fives. Kurt acted out Blaine's gentleman facade as best he could, enjoying every minute of it. How could Blaine think that Kurt didn't know him?
He had Blaine's personality down.
Besides Blaine's ridiculously hard math class, they had pretty much the same schedule, so the day went by smoothly for Kurt. Only when he didn't know a classmate's name that addressed him had he felt slightly embarrassed. He figured Blaine liked to call people "buddy" and "friend", so he just used those for the remainder of the day.
Blaine wasn't so lucky in Kurt's body. It was a weird feeling to just stare directly at people instead of slightly up at them. Blaine wasn't that short, was he?
No.
Kurt was just taller, and therefore saw things differently. If he had to choose, Blaine preferred his short-view better.
Today they had Warbler practice at 5, so as soon as they met up for coffee, Blaine handed Kurt lyrics to the song they would be practicing in two hours.
Kurt smiled and pushed the paper away from him. "Please, Blaine, I know this song."
Blaine sighed, anxious to practice. "Are you sure? The way I sing it? We need to pull this off or people will know, Kurt."
"Oh, please, Blaine, if anything Wes will just think that you're having a vocally-off day. No one would jump to the crazily correct conclusion that we've switched bodies. That would be ridiculous."
"Yeah, ridiculous," Blaine mumbled. Kurt was going to ruin Blaine's chances of ever getting another solo, he just knew it.
"Just, please, do it how I would."
Kurt smirked. "Sure thing, Kurt."
----
They entered the room, Blaine a lot more nervous than Kurt, which might have looked natural to anyone paying attention to their mannerisms. Though Kurt had kind of settled into how things worked within the Warblers, he still always came to practice looking a bit on edge, which is exactly how Blaine felt now.
Blaine shouldn't have been worried about them pulling this off, Kurt thought. He didn't want to admit it fully, but Kurt had it all memorized: the little dance moves Blaine liked to do when he sang, the way he sang, even his facial expressions.
It wasn't creepy that he knew all this. Blaine made it extremely hard for anyone to not pay attention to him. It's just how he was.
Kurt was going to show him exactly how he acted.
"Alright, Blaine, whenever you're ready," Wes instructed, the other Warblers waiting around, holding their music sheets in front of them.
Kurt glanced over at his own body, seeing the nervous look in his eyes. Blaine really didn't want Kurt to mess with his performance.
Kurt was just going to act as closely to Blaine as he possibly could.
He nodded at Wes to conduct the other guys, waiting eight measures until he started singing along with them.
Blaine leaned against the couch like he thought Kurt usually would, folding his arms, while watching Kurt intently. Kurt always eye-sexes me in rehearsal, right? Right.
Kurt turned away from the other guys, and began singing the song.
"I'm not surprised, not everything lasts. I've broken my heart so many times, I stopped keepin' track..."
He spun around on one leg and raised Blaine's eyebrows in fake confusion. "Talk myself in, I talk myself out, I get all worked up, then I let myself down."
Blaine watched Kurt perform intently, glaring at him to remind him not to mess this up. The other Warblers found Kurt's re-enactment of Blaine to be a little odd, what with Kurt poking Nick and Jeff in the chest off-beat and putting his hands on Blaine's chest way more than was ever necessary in a regular Blaine performance.
You're doing it at the wrong time! Blaine thought to himself as he watched Kurt jump up on the couch as Blaine's voice sang, "and somehow I know that it'll all turn out! You'll make me work, so we can work to work it ow-out..."
Blaine's voice stuttered as Kurt used David's shoulder to jump off the couch, not wanting to jump down the three feet to the floor, scared that he would fall down; he wasn't exactly comfortable with Blaine's height yet.
Now it was time to give himself some loving, Kurt thought.
If he was ever going to get his body back, he had to start willing Blaine to fall for him. It's not like he was purposely going to serenade his own self just so he could embarrass Blaine and/or have the Warblers believe that Blaine finally liked Kurt.
The Warblers could currently see Blaine walking over to Kurt with a flirtatious smirk on his face, Kurt looking pissed, and then Blaine holding Kurt's hands as he sang:
"And I know that we can be so amazing, and being in your life is gonna change me, and now I can see every single possibility..."
Kurt, Kurt, you asshole, Kurt.
Blaine smiled as Kurt, deciding to act just as lovey-dovey as Kurt was making Blaine look. Two can play this game, Hummel.
Kurt stopped holding his own hands to walk away and join the other Warblers in a nice finishing of the song. The other guys were happy to see that Blaine and Kurt were flirting more through song, but something was definitely off with them.
Blaine crossed Kurt's legs on the couch as he sang Kurt's tenor part, eye-sexing his own body as Kurt pranced around the room with his hands shaped in a heart.
Don't look at me this way, Blaine, you totally do all of this. It does look this ridiculous.
"I said love, love, love, love... Love, love, love, love... I just haven't met you yet."
As the last note of the song lingered, Wes clapped his hands, smiling over at Blaine. "Besides that mess up in the beginning, I think this was our best rehearsal yet! Good job, guys! Blaine, may I have a word?"
This is it, Blaine said, already hearing Wes in his head tell him that he won't be getting any more solos for the rest of the year.
"Yes, Wes?" Blaine's voice said cheerfully as, observing the other Warblers starting to leave the room.
Blaine stood over by the door with Kurt's arms crossed, waiting to hear what Wes had to say. David made Jeff stay behind to work on the second tenor part.
Wes looked at Blaine a little sternly. "You sing really well Blaine, and we appreciate your enthusiasm, but do you think you could tone it down a little? And maybe we can leave the furniture alone?"
Kurt couldn't help but laugh a little, but nodding at Wes as seriously as he could. "Aye, aye, Captain. Won't happen again."
Wes looked at him skeptically, but just nodded and excused himself from the room to go study for an Advanced Calculus test. Kurt smiled to himself and walked proudly over to Blaine in his body, stopping in front of him to address Blaine's glare.
"What?" Kurt said, smirking up at Blaine.
"You just ruined my chances of ever getting another solo," Blaine whispered, leaning down to say this in Blaine'sKurt's ear.
Kurt chuckled. "You said to act exactly like you, and I did. Wes didn't bruise your ego too bad, did he?"
Blaine glared at him. "Oh, yeah? Well if that's how you're going to act, I best act like you, too."
Kurt gave him a confused look, but soon he was embraced by his own arms as Blaine hugged him tightly.
"Oh, Blaine! I have the biggest crush on you still!"
Kurt pushed Blaine away from him and stared at the now taller boy's eyes in disbelief. Kurt wasn't sure if Blaine being in his body had started to make him act as bitchy as Kurt sometimes was, but how could Blaine say something like that? Even if Kurt had just embarrassed Blaine in front of all of the Warblers, this was still too mean to say. It was one thing for Blaine to know that he liked him; it was another thing to hear him mock him, in his own body, nonetheless.
"I-I can't believe you just said that."
Kurt watched his face soften and even though it was Kurt's eyes he was looking at, he saw Blaine.
"I'm so sorry, Kurt. I really shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry." He offered him another hug, but Kurt just stood there hesitant.
"Blaine, we need to change back. I don't want to be you anymore."
Blaine wasn't generally good at reading Kurt's facial expressions, but having Kurt in Blaine's body helped him know what he was feeling. Blaine knew his own facial expressions quite well from practicing them in the mirror on a daily basis, and he was pretty sure by now that he knew what he looked liked when he was about to cry.
Blaine pulled his own body into another hug and kissed the side of his hair. Wow, he made my hair so soft...
"Can we go over your house now?" Blaine whispered, getting a nod in reply as the two boys walked out of Dalton.
::
::
"Kurt, I can't do this, he's going to hate me even more than he already does."
Kurt shoved his body in the direction of the kitchen, walking right behind Blaine and whispered in his ear, "no, he'll get mad at me not you."
Blaine sighed and walked into the Hudmel kitchen as Kurt. "Hey, pops..."
Kurt inwardly cringed at the name, standing by the wall with his arms crossed.
Burt turned around from the sink to look at his son. "Yeah, Kurt?" He looked over at Blaine standing in the corner. "Oh, hey, Blaine, didn't know you two were hanging out today."
Blaine felt the burn of Burt's stare even though it was relatively kinder for his son. "H-Hey, dad, so Blaine and I were wondering..." Blaine turned his head to look back at Kurt for moral support. Kurt just widened Blaine's eyes in horror.
"Yeah, Kurt?"
"Can Blaine sleep over, dad? I know it's a school night, but we have a lot to discuss, and I'd really appreciate it if you'd let us. We're kind of going through the same major problem right now."
Burt shook his head, leaning his hand back on the sink. "Sorry, kiddo, we already had this talk. Besides, school nights are school nights, and I'm sorry, guys, you'll just have to wait to see each other in the morning."
Blaine nodded with Kurt's head and smiled politely back at Burt. "Alright, sir, thanks for your time anyway." He turned around quickly and walked over to Kurt, pulling him by the wrist into the hallway.
Kurt released his hand from Blaine's grasp and glared up at him, realizing for the first time what his face looked like from this level. Is that really the angle that Blaine sees me at? God, no wonder he doesn't like me...
"Blaine! You have to be more convincing than that! Remember, you're me now."
"Then you go talk to him! He's still scary as hell! I can't do it."
Blaine felt the strength of his own hand wrapping around his wrist. "Blaine," Kurt said sternly, "you need a shower. I cannot go to school as you tomorrow feeling this dirty. You sweat so much in this freaking uniform. We need to wash each other. It's the least embarrassing way possible, and for that, you need to sleep over."
Blaine gulped. "Okay, fine, but your dad is really intimidating."
Kurt rolled his eyes, "He is not. Just be gentle." He gave Blaine an encouraging smile, and Blaine wanted nothing more than to hug himself and stay away from the kitchen.
He slowly went back into the kitchen, but this time Burt was laying down on the couch in the family room watching the sports channel.
He walked over to the side of the couch by Burt's feet and stared at him with nervous eyes.
"Dad, can Blaine please sleepover? I don't see what the big deal is."
Because really, Blaine didn't understand why it was a problem. It's not like they were going out or anything. Didn't Burt know how Blaine felt about Kurt?
Burt just turned his head and looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "Kurt, I'm sorry, but you like this guy. I know that I should have said it differently a few days ago, but you know the rules."
Kurt talked about Blaine to his dad?
Of course, he probably did, Blaine knew they were close, but what did Burt think of him?
"But dad, Blaine's a good guy. He would never try anything with me or anything. We just have the same tests to study for and Blaine is having some issues at home that he wants to talk about."
"Do his parents know he's sleeping over? Do they know that you like their son?"
Despite not actually being Kurt, the question made Blaine blush.
No wonder Kurt is insecure about other guys, Blaine thought. He's constantly reminded by his family to not get his hopes up or not to like someone in case they don't like him back.
Blaine tilted Kurt's head up lightly. "Dad, can you stop bringing me down about that? And no, they probably don't know I like him. Blaine doesn't talk to his parents about half the stuff I tell you, because he doesn't feel accepted by them yet, and it's extremely difficult, sometimes, so can he just sleep over this one time? I'm not a slut, dad. I'm not going to ravish my best guy friend when he's confused. So, really, if you ever want me to be happy with someone, it would be nice if you let him stay. I promise you that if we ever do go out, you have every right to keep the door open when we're hanging out."
Blaine took a deep breath, scared that Burt might hit him for sounding so immature and demanding. Then he remembered that he was Kurt, and Burt would definitely not hit his own son. Score.
Burt just looked back at him with eyebrows slightly raised. "Alright, Kurt, but just this one time. And hey, you know, if you and Blaine... If you two do get together, I'll need to have a talk with him, okay?"
Burt's warm smile told Blaine that Burt was happy for his son, but it just scared Blaine even more that he'd have to talk to him at some point.
But wait, Blaine never said he wanted to be with Kurt.
Why was Burt already planning a speech!? Blaine didn't like that.
Even as Kurt, Blaine was afraid of the man.
"Um, dad, just be nice to Blaine, okay? He's really like, fragile, and I'm pretty sure you totally intimidate him, so just be nice. I know he'd appreciate that, totally. Besides, what makes you think we'll even get together? Blaine's not sure if he likes him, I mean me, in that way just yet..."
Just yet? God. Real smooth.
Burt chuckled a little and winked at him, patting his son on the arm. "Are you two going to study for those tests or not?"
Blaine just stiffened slightly and nodded, leaving the room. Sorry, Kurt, I can't go out with you even if I wanted to. Your dad scares the hell out of me.
----
When Kurt was sure that Burt was asleep on the couch downstairs and Carole wouldn't be home for a few more hours from her late night shift at the hospital, Kurt and Blaine rushed into the bathroom to shower.
Blaine may have been able to convince Burt to let himself sleep over, but there was no way that showering, even in their boxers, would settle well with his dad.
As Kurt started the shower, he realized that he only had one towel with him, so he quickly ran back out into the hallway upstairs to grab another one from the closet.
"Hey, Blaine," Finn smirked, leaning on the stairway railing.
Kurt blinked, forgetting that he was Blaine until a few moments passed between the two boys. "Oh! Finn, hi. What's up?" He smiled, blushing lightly, realizing he was just in his boxers as he spoke.
Finn continued smirking. "So, uh, you and Kurt... Having a community shower?"
Eyes widened, he reached up quickly for a towel from the closet.
"Um, yes? It's not what you think, Finn. I don't even like your brother that way..." Because I'm a jerk...
Finn laughed a little, slapping his hand on the wall lightly. "Yeah, it's okay, dude, I know. Just uh... Be good with him or I'll have to beat you up, K?"
Kurt raised one of Blaine's bushy eyebrows, staring at Finn in annoyance. This is your "big brother" talking skills at work, Finn? Thank god Blaine's not actually hearing you say this.
Finn didn't seem to notice the bitchy stare Kurt was giving him through Blaine's face, but he just smirked once more before heading back down the stairs, "Nice abs, dude."
Kurt stared down at Blaine's abs. Fuck! I wasn't supposed to loo--Oh, who am I kidding? He's gorgeous, it's not really my fault his torso is better than hardcore porn. I still won't pay much attention to your dick, Blaine, but that doesn't mean I can't stare at the rest of you for twenty minutes.
The shower didn't work out as well as they would have hoped. They had decided to not worry about washing anything below the waist unless they really needed to tomorrow. It was too awkward feeling their own parts with someone else's hands for now.
Blaine couldn't understand Kurt's directions to raise his arms so Kurt could scrub them with soap, and it was annoying to have to reach up to massage his own scalp with shampoo. How was Blaine ever going to comfortably twist his fingers in Kurt's hair when they made-out?
Being Blaine sucked. Besides being totally delicious, Kurt thought.
"Hey, so why didn't you tell me you worked out?"
Blaine stared at him in confusion, lathering up his own curls with Kurt's shampoo. "What?"
"You have like the perfect torso, a-and I'm saying this in a non-sexual way...a completely platonic observation... When do you possibly work out? I'm just curious to know, because I'm always with you, and you haven't mentioned it before." Kurt turned around so Blaine could wash his own back.
Blaine smirked. "Yeah, sure. But I don't know, I played soccer before coming to Dalton, so I guess I just like to keep up with the exercising. I didn't think it was worth mentioning, sorry. I usually work-out at night and then just shower before I go to bed. Usually I'd feel all gross and sweaty by now, but your skin has been so soft all day and I feel baby clean."
You've been feeling my skin, Blaine? Hmm.
Kurt blushed, letting Blaine wash his face. "It's called being hygienic."
Blaine laughed slightly, looking at him with a soft smile. "Yeah, good to know, thanks."
It was interesting, Blaine thought. Even when he was staring at Kurt he was seeing himself, but the way Kurt articulated his words made him still very Kurt. It was nice to know that even out of their bodies, they still acted like themselves.
That would mean Blaine's science fiction fear wasn't coming true. Maybe soon he would be himself again.
"Hey, so we need to figure out how to change back, right? Because I doubt your dad's going to let us do this again tomorrow night."
Kurt looked at him. "Good point. So, 'open your eyes' and figure out what's missing."
"Yeah, god, I don't know what it could possibly mean..."
Watching Blaine look frustrated, trying to figure out why he could have possibly changed into Kurt was too sad for Kurt to watch.
Even the universe wanted Blaine to like him.
The laws of physics or magic, Kurt didn't really care to know more, had defied themselves in order to get this boy to start loving him, but Blaine still stayed oblivious to his own feelings.
Kurt felt hopeless.
"Hey, let's just finish this up and get in bed. I'm tired."
----
Much to Kurt's disappointment, as soon as they got in bed, Blaine had fallen asleep. Or he was just pretending to be asleep.
Kurt chose to think it was the first thought.
Kurt had forced Blaine out of bed at 5:30a.m. in order to do is own moisturizing routine and to help Blaine style his hair right for once.
As Blaine changed his body's boxers, he couldn't help but stare at his backside in Kurt's mirror.
"Is that really what my butt looks like?"
"Blaine, I am not going to open my eyes. But yes, probably."
"It's just...I always thought it would look--"
"Blaine. Just hurry and dress me, please. I need to do my hair."
Blaine laughed lightly, smacking his own butt to make Kurt jump.
Kurt turned around to hit Blaine in the chest, but he stopped before doing so, not wanting to hurt his own body by any chance.
And wait, Blaine had taken Kurt's shirt off....
They were both shirtless.
And Kurt had technically just touched Blaine's ass. Neat.
Blaine watched Kurt stare at his own chest while he thought all of this through. He wasn't sure why, but it made him angry to think that Kurt wasn't worrying about the switching back aspect half as much as he was. Kurt was probably enjoying being in Blaine's body and wouldn't want to ever change back.
"You just want us to stay this way forever, don't you?" Blaine snapped suddenly.
Kurt was startled, but glared back quickly. "Oh, yeah, of course, Blaine. I really want to sing all of your solos and wear your hipster clothes."
Blaine started looking apologetic, but Kurt wasn't done. "Seriously, Blaine, why would you think I like this? I miss my voice, my clothes, and oh god!"
Blaine's eyes widened, rubbing Kurt's arms to feel their smoothness. "What?"
"We can never masturbate ever again. You need to fix this, Blaine. I'm serious."
::
::
The next night, after failing to have a sleepover a second time at the Hudmel house, Blaine just sat on the floor by Kurt's mirror, staring at him.
It hadn't started off as just staring at Kurt's face--no, initially Blaine had intended to do Kurt's moisturizing routine (instructions were left on how to properly do it). However, as soon as he sat down to start it, Blaine couldn't get passed Kurt's eyes.
He seriously has nice eyes, Blaine thought, feeling like a creep.
He started Kurt's skin care routine, smoothing his night cream over Kurt's cheeks, smiling as he did it, his fingers hovering over his lips.
He pursed Kurt's lips together, looking at how Kurt would look if he ever pecked someone on the lips.
Kurt was really good-looking. It was a shame that he didn't have someone to be good-looking with.
But whatever guy Kurt ended up with wouldn't be able to compete with Kurt's looks, Blaine thought.
He ignored his next thought that had something to do with himself not caring if his own boyfriend was ever hotter than he was.
Suddenly, Blaine had an urge to kiss Kurt's shoulder, so he tilted his head, gently gracing his lips over Kurt's soft shoulder blade. He laughed to himself, feeling like a creep more than ever before.
When he looked back at Kurt's eyes in the mirror, a sudden thought passed through him.
Has Kurt thought about me naked? Has he looked at my dick yet?
Blaine decided to call Kurt, having his own phone this time to call him with, since Kurt had rationalized that Mercedes would know something was up if Blaine was the one to be texting her instead of Kurt. "You can't do gossip how I do, Blaine, sorry."
Blaine didn't wait for Kurt to say hello, wanting to get right to the point.
"Have you looked at my dick yet?"
Kurt sighed, sounding exhausted (or like he'd been crying). "Sort of to pee, yeah, but I haven't looked-looked at it. I wouldn't violate you like that."
"Well, technically it's yours right now. You said that you wanted to masturbate..."
"Are you saying you want me to jerk-off as you?"
Blaine laughed, laying down on Kurt's carpet. "No, but wouldn't it be kind of funny?"
"Blaine, I can't do that. And no offense, but I don't want you touching me either without me seeing you do it. That's just...wrong. A-And I'm not going to touch your body, because you know it's different for me." Kurt bit his lip, laying down in Blaine's bed.
"Because you like me," Blaine replied softly.
"...Yes. So, don't worry. I wouldn't do that to you."
"Well, if you wanted to you can. I'd never know..."
Kurt hoped Blaine couldn't hear how torn he felt over the phone.
"Yeah, but I'd know. I'm not going to, so don't worry about it."
"I'm not worried."
Kurt sighed. "Is this why you called?"
"Yeah, basically. Also, can you please gel my hair tomorrow? I hate it curly at school."
"No," Kurt said flatly. "It's disgusting and hard to do. Oh, and could you not touch my face so much after you eat oily foods? My skin looked awful today."
"Not unless you gel my hair. I'll wash your face with butter."
Kurt gasped, sounding horrified at the thought. "Fine! I'll do it. Just please, follow the directions I left you."
----
When Kurt ended the call, he felt more like shit than he did when Blaine had called.
Blaine didn't care if Kurt used his body?
It meant either that Blaine didn't realize Kurt would just want him more after they switched back (assuming they would get to, if Blaine ever figured it out), or that Blaine just didn't mind, because he felt nothing for him other than friendship.
But then again, when Kurt thought about it, if he had another guy friend, then he doubted that guy would want him jacking-off in his body.
So, what was Blaine trying to say?
::
::
It was getting late, but Blaine wasn't sure if he wanted to go a third day as Kurt, so he headed down the stairs to find Carole in order to talk to her.
Talking to Finn would have been pretty pointless. Sure Finn knew that Kurt liked Blaine, but as far as talking about juicy day-to-day Dalton stories, Blaine was sure that at least Carole would know something more than Finn.
Burt was not an option for him.
He found her folding clothes on her and Burt's bed, Burt crashing on the couch for the night most likely.
She smiled warmly as he came in the room, noticeably tired from working so late. "Kurt, you're still up? It's almost midnight, hun. What's the problem?"
Blaine was relieved that he didn't have to try to push her into talking about his problems, she was already concerned.
Kurt's parents were pretty cool, besides Burt's scary wanting-to-talk-to-Blaine idea.
"Can I sit on this?" He asked, pointing to the bed. She looked at him, surprised he even asked and nodded "of course". The bed was as comfortable as it looked, the warm light around the room helping to make him feel sleepy and calm.
"Carole, why do I like Blaine so much?" He bit his lip, deciding to make his questions vague, unsure of what Kurt had already said or not said.
She sat down on the bed next to him after she folded the last shirt, smiling downward. "Kurt... Did something happen at school today?"
Blaine bit Kurt's lip, chewing on it lightly to think of what to say. Oh, shit, he'll probably get pissed that I'm making them look chapped. Or will he?
"Nothing, really. Blaine just sang this song at practice the other day, and I wish he wouldn't have. He's always singing songs... You know? And I jump to conclusions and think they're about me... Right?"
Carole took the lack of certainty in his voice for sadness and confusion (which it might have been, too.)
"Kurt, he'll realize soon. Your dad and I were saying so earlier. You'll get 'em." She winked.
What makes you think so?
But Blaine wanted to know something different.
"Why am I even worth liking? What would he possibly see in me? I could just be a really great friend, and he can... find someone better."
Though he wouldn't admit it, he wished he were asking the same question as himself. Really, what the hell did Kurt see in him?
Carole furrowed her eyebrows, turning around on the bed to face Kurt directly. "Kurt, you are a wonderful human being, and sure, you could be a great friend to him, but it's time you got someone, too. Maybe Blaine isn't the one, but I really don't like you talking about yourself that way. When your father and I hear you singing in the shower in the morning do you know how happy that makes us? You've got the entire package, Kurt. Blaine's just blind."
Package, package...Don't say that word when the dick connected to me is not my own, please.
Wait, blind?
Blind as in 'only opening your eyes will change you back' blind? Shit.
"Hey, Carole, thanks for talking to me, but um, you need to get some sleep and so do I. I'll catch you in the morning? O-Or not?"
"At dinner?"
"Dinner," Blaine nodded. Hopefully, not. Hopefully, I'll be me again by that time.
Blaine rushed up the stairs and hopped on Kurt's bed, feeling the thrill of possibly finding out the way to get his body back.
This had been a fun, twisted few days, but he missed being himself. Even if he wasn't yet sure who he really was.
He just definitely wasn't Kurt, that's for sure.
What did Carole even say? Not much.
But Kurt really liked him?
What did Blaine ever do to make Kurt li--
I'm awful. There's only one reason why we possibly switched bodies. Of course... It's my fault.
Blaine couldn't wait another second to apologize.
"Hey, Kurt, are you awake?" Blaine asked softly into the phone, a little after midnight.
Kurt sounded sleepy, or rather, Blaine's voice was tired-sounding. "Yeah, I'm awake. What's up?"
He sounded so peaceful to Blaine. Blaine didn't want to ruin that by saying things he knew would get Kurt's heart possibly racing.
"I'm really sorry that I've led you on for months."
Blaine was sure that Kurt's heart started that whole racing-faster-thing. "...Thanks?"
"No, really. I didn't realize it. Everything I say is stupid."
"Yes, but at least with my voice you sound a little more condescending and intelligent."
At least he was trying to tell jokes instead of starting to cry, Blaine thought.
"Yeah, probably. But hey, it's already been two days. We should try to work this out. Wanna skip last period tomorrow and go to the restaurant?"
"Yeah, sure."
"No 'Yes, Blaine! I want my body back, dammit!'?"
"Yeah, sure." Kurt smiled a little.
Hearing Blaine apologize in Kurt's voice didn't affect him as much, but now Kurt was just dreading being Blaine for one more day. He really missed the Blaine mind & body combo. Apart wasn't as appealing to him.
::
::
The restaurant didn't help them at all, just gave them weird looks and tried to get them to have lunch there. Blaine was almost convinced to stay until Kurt yanked him out of the place to take a walk outside.
"I am not having you read another damn fortune cookie just so we can stay this way even longer."
Blaine smiled as he listened to Kurt rant, walking down the sidewalk that would soon lead them into the park nearest to Dalton.
"I mean, I can't believe they had no idea what we were talking about! What the hell! It's a government conspiracy! Or maybe they just don't care that two guys' lives are ruined forever, because I'm fucking Blaine Anderson! Dammit."
Blaine laughed. "Hey now, you can't fuck Blaine Anderson," he said jokingly, knowing that Kurt didn't mean it in the literal sense.
Kurt just stopped talking, thinking Blaine's comment as a rude truthful remark. Way to rub it in my face, fuckass.
Blaine realized what he said and corrected himself. "I-I meant that you can't have sex with me, because you are me... Get it? Yeah. Sorry. That's what I meant."
"Oh."
Crap. This is working so swell all right...
Blaine really did like Kurt, but it was hard to think of Kurt romantically when all he could do was stare at himself. Duh.
But what if they were stuck this way? What if Blaine stayed as Kurt forever and could never sing all his solos in choir?
What if he would always see the world from a taller persons view?
What if he was forced to have Burt as a father?
"Blaine?" Kurt asked, sounding slightly concerned that Blaine was staring off into space for quite some time without saying anything.
When Kurt said his name, he said it in a way that was just so Kurt. Even though Blaine turned to the side and just witnessed himself staring back at him, the way Kurt was even standing was so Kurt.
And at that moment he no longer saw himself. He saw Kurt.
Without really thinking, Blaine quickly closed the space between them, leaning down slightly to kiss Kurt on the lips.
For a moment, all of their senses were focused on the nerves that were letting them feel their lips pressed against each others.
Kurt pulled back, almost shoving Blaine, before Blaine could remember what planet he was even on. "Oh my GOD! WE JUST KISSED OURSELVES."
Blaine stared at him for a second just smiling in a daze, but then, "...Oh, Oh my god. Oh, SHIT! We did. Yep, wow. That happened. I just kissed myself."
"That's so weird."
"I dig it."
"You're so gross."
"I kissed you, so shut up. Aren't you happy?"
"...No. I just kissed myself. W-Wait, why'd you do that even?"
Blaine just smiled, tilting his head a little playfully. "I see you..."
Kurt mumbled something about Avatar, but then just embraced himself, or Blaine, into a nice hug.
They just leaned their heads on each others shoulders, breathing in the scent of the other and the chilled winter air around them.
When they pulled back, Blaine had to tilt his head up ever so slightly to look into Kurt's eyes, and the moment was wonder--
"KURT!"
"...BLAINE!"
They jumped away from each other to make sure that if they stayed far enough away then they'd have a better chance at not changing back into each other.
"Dude, I broke the spell!" Blaine laughed, running back at Kurt to hug him.
Kurt wasn't more than two feet from him, so the run was more of a lunge, but for once Kurt didn't care that his bubble had been invaded.
"Yeah, sure, Blaine." Kurt laughed into the tight hug. "Your first kiss was with yourself, just so you know."
Blaine pulled back, glaring at him playfully, still incredibly happy to be himself again. "Hey, no, I kissed Rachel."
Kurt narrowed his eyes and tilted his head. "One that counted."
Blaine smiled. "Yeah, okay. I'm saying it was you though, if anyone ever asks. My first real kiss was you, not myself!"
"Sounds fine to me. But really, it was yourself, you narcissistic jerk."
"Whatever, Kurt. So um, boyfriends?"
"Hell no."
"What!?"
"We had to switch. bodies. for you to realize I'm amazing. Why should I just let you have me just like that?" He snapped his fingers to emphasize his point. Blaine just smiled at him mischievously.
"I looked at your penis for a long time, I'm a creep."
"Screw you! I can't--Okay. I did, too, actually."
Blaine took his hand and swung their arms back and forth, staring back at Kurt. "So, I think we should try to convince your dad that we still don't like each other this weekend, and then we can have a non-sleepover."
"You're taking me on a real date before we have sex."
Blaine pulled his hand away, walking back towards the way they came. "Who said anything about sex? I was thinking about reading in bed...So much reading to do...All night long..."
Kurt sighed as Blaine stopped in front of the restaurant again. "Our first date should be here!" Blaine laughed.
"Why do I even like you? Sometimes, I wonder why the universe hates me so much."
"Apparently it loves you enough to let you switch bodies with the guy you like, gosh. Don't be so hard on the universe, Kurt."
"I guess. If it really loved me though, it would have let me switch bodies with Angelina Jolie. Then I'd be sexing Brad Pitt right now."
"Oh, yeah, true. Alright. I can support that."
They walked back into Dalton's parking lot, Blaine having grabbed Kurt's hand halfway before they got back there. "By the way, why did I get a text from Rachel when I had your phone still that said, 'I'm really happy for you, Kurt'?"
Kurt smiled a little, walking towards the front steps of the school building. "Oh, because the first morning I was getting ready for school as you, I called her and told her how much you realized you liked me and wanted to be with me. It was pay back."
"Wow, that's harsh."
"Hey, little did I know I was just predicting the future. No harm in that."
"How much did you tell her that I liked you?"
Kurt stopped at the front doors of Dalton and looked back at Blaine. "I told her that you liked me so much that every time you see me, your heart bursts out of your chest and your dick explodes with enthusiasm."
Blaine nodded understandingly, opening one of the doors for both of them to enter. "Seems about right."
----
I apologize for my sense of humor, and I hope you didn't just die from confusion. Tuesday needs to come like now. Agreed?