Fic: An Attempt to Tip the Scales (Part 1/2)
Title: An Attempt to Tip the Scales
Author: hengilas
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Kurt/Blaine, minor Blaine/Jeff (Warbler)
Warnings: Vampire AU, romance, graphic sex, language, angst, slight talk of minor character death (Blaine's mom)
Word Count: 16,959
Summary: Blaine and Kurt have been best friends for the past nine years, but now that they're more aware of their feelings for one another, they want to go further. The only problem is that Blaine's half vampire, and he grew up with the mentality of the Dalton Academy for Gifted Youngsters: that vampires are evil and don't deserve to be loved. He's gone to great lengths to make sure that he never hurts Kurt, but if they were ever in the heat of the moment, what could happen?
Author's Note: As always, my loves, star55 and teaboytoaliens beta'd this story. Also, I may or may not have been slightly inspired by X-Men for Dalton's AU name.
Amazing art can be found here by moonlessky! <3
~*~
A Rather Unpleasant Beginning
Unfortunately, we all have a past, which, whether we like it or not, helps make us who we are. We can try to forget the past; we can grow from it and learn, but either way, it’s our past, and what we do with it is up to us. For Blaine Anderson, all he can do is remember the past, and it’s not a positive thing to say he’s growing from it. It’s not a good thing to know that he’s grown stronger.
This is because Blaine is half vampire.
Like all of us, Blaine didn’t have a choice in deciding who he was going to be. Unlike all of us, Blaine’s father played an active role in determining what Blaine would be recognized as in society before the baby boy ever opened his eyes for the first time. His mother had died giving birth to him due to significant blood loss as the result of Blaine's biological father biting her in the neck and sucking her blood. Traumatically gross. After quickly realizing what his impulses had him do, without thinking, the father drained some of his own blood into her mouth in hopes it would turn her into the same blood-thirsting creature he had become a week prior in order to save her life. It hadn't worked.
He ran out of the hospital as she was dying, and the doctors and Blaine's aunt quickly had to make the decision to save her baby nephew over her sister.
Or so the story goes.
Blaine was only given this bit of the story when he was thirteen years old; his aunt wouldn't tell him anymore about his father or what resulted in them having to move to Chicago when he was four. At times, his Aunt Catherine would treat Blaine as less of a person than her three actual children. Blaine used to believe she didn't like him because he thought it was his fault his mother died, but secretly, she was just afraid that Blaine was like his father.
As he was learning his ABC's, he never understood why he would get in trouble for accidentally biting a classmate. He also didn't understand why he had a curiosity for what blood tasted like.
He thought it was a gross concept, but he had a strange need for blood. It made him sick if he went more than a few weeks without it.
When his father had given Blaine’s mother his blood in the hospital, some of the unique vampire enzymes had transferred over to Blaine, but since the delivery was already in the process, only the most dominant genes would eventually develop in the young boy over time. The more human qualities of being able to walk in sunlight and to age hadn't been altered, but Blaine acquired the abnormal strength and heightened senses of a vampire, which would develop and enhance as he grew. He also inherited the blood lust--something he didn't like to admit to having, but it was too dangerous to ignore it.
Thankfully, to combat the thirst for blood, Blaine was also born with a rather large heart (figuratively). He would, however, never allow himself the satisfaction of that knowledge, choosing to go with his aunt's belief that he was more of a monster than a person. Blaine wasn't allowed to have friends over, wasn't allowed to play with his cousins, and wasn't allowed to leave his aunt's home unless she was with him.
So, he ran away, and that's how he met Kurt on the playground when they were only eight years old. That's where their friendship started, and they haven't ended it, have no intention of ever ending it now. Blaine slowly let Kurt in, and Kurt was more than happy to develop a friendship, because he hadn't been so lucky in the friend department before meeting Blaine. Even if it was a friendship with a vampire, Kurt really didn't mind. Blaine never killed anybody, had only injured a few before, and he needed a support system in order to control his blood cravings and urges.
Both boys needed the other to tell them they weren't alone. Together, they never were. When Burt had found out about Kurt's secret friend, he had reluctantly contacted Blaine's aunt, and Blaine was soon sent to Dalton Academy for Gifted Youngsters to learn how to better control and understand his unique traits. That's where he still is now.
Over the last nine years, Blaine has made it a point to sneak out of Dalton to visit Kurt at least two nights out of the week. It hasn't been hard to do so, and sometimes, Blaine thinks some of staff let him leave on purpose. Otherwise, there would be no way he could have got away with it for almost the last decade. Besides, anyone who is willing to notice can see that Kurt is Blaine's biggest support system in fighting back the half of him he'd rather not mention on a daily basis. For Kurt, he just needs to hug his best friend every now and then. That's exactly what Blaine is to him--a best friend. There aren't any other possible feelings that have crept their way into developing with the person closest to him over the last nine years. No way.
After all, it's not like they hug constantly, cuddle, share their deepest thoughts with only each other, or are both pretty intensely great looking. It'd be preposterous to think they like each other that way. Not even preposterous, but Blaine is half vampire, so there's always that hidden cautiousness of 'is he going to bite me tonight?'
Blaine has never bit Kurt, but there's always the possibility that he could.
Definitely not a turn on factor for Kurt.
~*~
Beginning in the Middle
It's a Wednesday night in the middle of November, and with nothing better to do, Kurt's trying to finish his homework. Trying is the keyword, because it's not actually happening. Kurt can't stop thinking about Blaine. What a surprise.
They've never classified themselves as "boyfriends", but neither boy has ever dated anyone, and Kurt doesn't think he even wants to know what it'd be like to be extremely close with anyone other than Blaine. ...Hugging, he means. Just lots and lots of hugging, cuddling, and hand-holding. They can't do much else, because Blaine will freak out and claim to go into a blood lust mode. Whatever. Awesome. Might as well call it "cock-blocking mode".
Now that Kurt's rightfully made himself feel sexually frustrated without actually getting a boner, he needs to dance it off. He grabs his iPod off the desk in his room and sets the volume up all the way to start doing his semi-choreographed dance routine to Lady Gaga's "Born This Way". Blaine's half vampire, hey, Blaine's half a vampire, hey, but feels he's not on the right track, baby...
It's exhausting.
All of the sudden, there's a knock at Kurt's window, and the first thing the boy thinks to do is to chuck his iPod at the glass and scream. A moment later, he hears laughing outside the window, and even though his adrenaline is momentarily running from dancing and/or from being freaked the fuck out, his heart soars just from hearing Blaine's laugh. He opens the window and sticks his face right in Blaine's face, glaring at the grinning boy outside. "Don't. Do. That. Ever again."
Blaine smirks and pushes him away to let himself into Kurt's room. "What? Stop your dance hour?"
Kurt takes off the dark blue headband he has on his forehead and leans against his homework desk. "Hi, Blaine."
He watches Blaine smile softly and come over to hug him. Kurt leans into his chest and closes his eyes to feel Blaine engulfing him in the hug. They stay like this for a couple minutes, absorbed in the other one's touch, until Kurt pulls back. Kurt lets go first, because Blaine will always hold on as long as Kurt wants or needs to. "You're a dick," is all Kurt says to him.
Blaine smiles and nods, lightly slapping himself in the face multiple times to show how awful he's been acting. Kurt rolls his eyes and starts walking over to his bed. "Stop it... Come on, tell me how it's been at Dull-ton."
They plop down on Kurt's bed, Blaine just staring at him for a moment before speaking. "I missed you. I'm sorry. Midterms are just kicking my ass, and the Warblers want me to join their glee club, and things are just getting stressful over there."
Kurt remembers when Blaine would look at him for a long time in silence, afraid to say anything about himself. Blaine's still reserved, but Kurt's happy that when Blaine does leave his own head, he tells Kurt first. He smiles a little and starts playing with Blaine's hand. "Yeah, I know, it's okay. It just sucks not seeing you much this week."
Blaine tells him that he can't sleep over tonight, because Thad's going to check on him at three to make sure he hasn't snuck out. Kurt groans and leans in closer to Blaine. "Nooo. Why?"
Blaine looks down, leading Kurt to believe that he's not going to tell him something that might be of importance. "The guys just get mad that I'm good at sneaking out and they're not."
"Those spoiled rich boys want to know what the real world's like? They're not missing much." Even though Kurt’s view of the world is probably not the most pleasant, he doesn’t like to think that Blaine’s not able to enjoy it how he can. It’s better just to tell him that walking around unmonitored is boring.
Their faces are closer together than they were moments before. Kurt's heart's beating a little louder than it was moments before, too. Brushing the few stray hairs out of Kurt's face, Blaine stares at him with soft eyes. "No, I think they might just be jealous of me. They don't have anyone as good as you."
Kurt blushes and rolls his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, sure.” It’s not like Blaine doesn’t tell him this every chance he can, but somehow, it’s still able to make Kurt's cheeks turn red. Luckily, they feel strangely comfortable with talking to each other about anything. “...So, when are we going to lose our virginity to each other, huh? You hinted last week, and then you didn't come see me. Don't ho me out, Blaine."
Blaine pulls his face back and laughs. "Kurt..." He hates to tell him no, but it’s what he thinks he needs to do.
"No, no, it's okay. I'm just kidding, I know why." I know why you won’t let yourself feel awesomely awesome with me. No, it’s totally fine. It’s fine. Fine. It’s fine. God.
The darker haired boy frowns and looks at him with a serious expression. "You know I love you more than anyone, and I want to be with you, but it'd be dangerous, Kurt."
The danger, Blaine, would be the main point. Duh.
The other boy sighs, leaning his head on Blaine's chest gently. "You can hear my heart beat, right?"
Blaine shifts his body slightly to make the position more comfortable for Kurt and then starts stroking the boy's hair again. "Maybe one day."
Kurt closes his eyes, liking the way his lips feel soft against Blaine's shirt.
Blaine doesn't leave until he's sure that Kurt's asleep.
~*~
"Buh-layyyyne. Wake up. Wake the fuck up, now."
Blaine keeps his eyes closed and holds his sheets tighter to his chest.
"I know, Thad. I heard you wake up, I know what time it is, and I know that the lunch ladies have already started cooking in the cafeteria... I know."
Thad smirks and gets close to Blaine's face. His black hair sticks straight up in ten different directions and his eyes are darker than Blaine's are even when he's in prowl mode. "Good, then get up and shower with me."
Blaine doesn't respond and instead just pretends to have fallen back asleep. Of course, that's a complete fail. The older boy scoffs and throws a pillow at his head. "Why won't you? I know you think I'm sexy. David told me so."
David, you asshole mind reader. I thought we had an agreement...
"...It's because of your precious Kurt, right?"
Blaine opens his eyes and turns to look at Thad with what he thinks is an unreadable expression, but Thad can easily tell that Blaine's getting pissed now.
They've been roommates at Dalton for two years, since Thad joined the program, and even though they don't get along, Thad knows certain things about Blaine better than anyone else can understand. Being able to read Blaine's facial expressions is one of them.
He smirks. "Go ahead, Blaine. Fuck the human boy. Vamp sex him up."
Blaine gets up quickly and goes over to the bathroom to grab his towel. "I'm showering in Jeff's room.”
Before he shuts the dorm door, he hears Thad call "While you're at it, go pick me up some of your disgusting pig blood... Or maybe you'll feed off Kurt tonight if he's lucky..."
He slams the door and practically runs to Jeff and David's dorm, not wanting to accidentally barge back in the room and tear Thad's throat out.
All the boys at Dalton Academy for Gifted Youngsters are different.
David, one of Blaine's only friends, is telepathic and sometimes lets people's secrets slip if he thinks they're not personal enough to be kept secret. Really, finding out that Blaine thinks Thad's good-looking was a great night for him.
Blaine's only other friend, Jeff, is immortal and is an irregularly fast healer. Blaine used to know him as Kurt's friend on the playground at Lima Elementary School, and apparently Jeff originally started out at Dalton, but once Jeff's big cuts and bruises started healing in record timing on the soccer field, Jeff's parents decided to send him back. Just so their son could feel more at home. Feel normal.
Out of the three hundred boys that attend Dalton, Thad and Blaine are the only two that are considered vampires. Thad's a senior student and constantly thinks it's his job to antagonize Blaine for not being a "true" vampire. Blaine is able to ignore Thad's comments most of the time, because in all honesty, Blaine's half human and he feels the need to remind people of this a lot. He doesn't want to be a vampire. He doesn't want to be like Thad and believe that vampires are superior and shouldn't have to adjust to a human world. After all, if he were to think that, only half of himself would be superior. The other half would feel numb, inferior, and dead. Or maybe that's how Blaine feels as a whole.
Too much talking about halves confuses Blaine more than it should. When he wants all his thoughts to just go away, he likes to pretend that Kurt is his other "half", and that maybe, it's somehow able to make all of Blaine good.
Not a monster.
He chooses to drink packets of animal blood rather than donated human blood, because he doesn't want to be reminded of the taste. He's been sober for five years, and at the age of seventeen, he wants to keep it that way.
Thad will always look eighteen, because he doesn't have Blaine's uniqueness. He can see it in Thad's eyes, his confidence and arrogance, as something only a true vampire would feel. He's pale from not being able to walk in the sun, while Blaine's skin takes on a healthier looking glow from spending too much time in Kurt’s backyard in the summer without sunscreen. However, Blaine's jealous sometimes that Thad gets to know exactly what he is, letting it absorb who he is, and not giving a care in the world for how it might affect others.
Blaine can never be like him, as much as he wants to on some nights. On the nights when the headaches won't go away, everyone he hears walking around outside or in the dorms don't seem like people anymore, they just seem like ways to make his thirst and pain go away. But then there's Kurt.
~*~
Blaine has just finished crying for the fourth time this week. His aunt is sending him to board at a school for "gifted" kids like himself, and Blaine’s afraid to go to a new place and be surrounded by other bad kids. Blaine’s a bad kid. He knows it. Why else would she send him away for good?
"No, Blaine. Don't let her get to you. Maybe it'll be kinda fun!" Kurt says, his little arms wrapping themselves around his emotional friend the best he can.
Blaine shakes his head and just holds onto Kurt's arm, tucking his head into the crook of his neck. That was probably a mistake, though. Feeling the warmth from his friend's neck, the blood flowing through his body, only makes Blaine feel more on edge. He wants to be comforted by his best friend, not wanting to hurt him. He whimpers and pulls his head away from Kurt's neck before those feelings build up any stronger. Kurt just stares at him sorrowfully.
"If it'll make you feel happy to bite me, go ahead. I know you want to, Blaine, it's okay."
Here Blaine is, crying day in and day out about his life, when Kurt’s always so willing to sacrifice his own life on occasion to make Blaine "feel better". It doesn't make Blaine feel better, it just makes him feel sick. Even at this age, he swears to himself he will never take advantage of Kurt.
"I should go," Blaine says quietly, attempting to get off the large couch while Kurt continues to hold on tightly.
"Nooo, Blaine. You're staying. You ate yesterday, 'member? So we could stay up all night and watch this movie and your tummy wouldn't hurt?"
Blaine sighs and plops back down on the cushion, cuddling into his friend the best he can. Kurt presses the play button and soon they’re watching The Little Vampire film that came out two years ago. Blaine hasn't seen a vampire film yet, so Kurt decided to educate him through the best sources of information: films and television. They'll start with a film about a little lost vampire that befriends a human boy and then eventually turns human.
Kurt doesn't think Blaine will ever turn completely human, there’s no way, but that wasn't his intent when he rented the film. He wants Blaine to accept himself and realize that he has a friend sitting right next to him that will love him no matter what.
"See? This movie has loads of vampires. You're not alone, see?"
Blaine stares at the screen and shrugs as he watches the vampires turn into bats. He wonders for a moment if he'll ever be able to undergo such rigorous morphing, but he highly doubts it. Almost.
"I don't know. I haven't felt a presence of one since I was like six. ...I think I might just be alone now."
~*~
Blaine's sitting in class, listening to his Trigonometry professor lecture about tangent and sine. "Because even special kids like you need to be able to figure out the angles of a triangle!" He's about to pass out in the back of the classroom when he watches the door open slightly to reveal Kurt peeking into the room. He can't believe Kurt is here, at Dalton, in his math class. How did he even get here?
He whispers across the classroom and somehow doesn't get noticed by the professor. "Kurt! What are you doing here?"
Kurt's waving his hand, telling him to sneak out, so Blaine does.
He knows if he gets in trouble here one more time that his aunt will probably make him go to some kind of boot camp, but he hasn't seen Kurt in a couple days, so he takes the risk anyway.
The way Kurt's smiling mischievously with bright eyes makes Blaine want to be part of this secret mission, too. Kurt grabs his hand, and the touch feels more real than any other time Kurt's touched his hand before. It feels slightly new and unfamiliar but real.
They're running down the hallway in what Blaine feels like is slow motion, but it doesn't register to him that this is strange. He just really wants to know where Kurt's taking him. Kurt leads him to an empty room, and there's a random bed in the corner where Blaine doesn't remember there ever being a bed, but he goes with it because Kurt's dragging him onto it rather eagerly.
It makes Blaine really happy to see Kurt smiling and giggling as they both climb on the bed. They start kissing even though Blaine knows he really shouldn't be, because every time he kisses Kurt, he feels a way he shouldn't be feeling--good. Also, they're at Blaine's school right now, so it's really important that they don't get caught. Really important.
Kurt's kissing him so nice though, and he smells so good, and Blaine's feeling a far too familiar feeling--his blood lust is building up. He pulls Kurt into his lap and starts grinding up on him hard, and Kurt's just holding onto him and kissing him like everything’s going to be fine. Kurt whispers something in Blaine's ear that makes him blush, and then he's lifting Blaine's shirt off; Blaine feels like he's not going to be able to control his urges if Kurt keeps this up any longer, but he doesn't want him to stop, either.
He wants to bite Kurt and taste him and never let him out of this room.
He's feeling Kurt's mouth on his neck, and he's sucking, and then he feels pain. It takes him a couple seconds to feel the blood dripping down his neck before he realizes Kurt's biting him and sucking his blood. He's starting to feel woozy, but he's in too much of a shock to lift his arms up to stop Kurt from taking too much. He wants to tell Kurt when to know his limit, when to feel like the craving is gone and he can pull off, but then he's getting too tired and light to move. This is what dying feels like.
Somehow Kurt's talking to him as he's sucking, and he's crying and asking Blaine to stop, and even though Kurt's the one that's draining all his blood, Blaine feels the guilt and the thirst. Kurt keeps crying softly and the last thing he sees is Kurt's teary eyes.
"Why'd you do this to me?"
----
Blaine wakes up, having fallen asleep at the library in the middle of studying. His heart is beating extremely fast, and he just knows that he wants. Taking a moment to realize that what just happened was a dream, he places a hand on his neck just to make sure that there's no pain there. It was just a dream.
It was just a dream.
"Thank god," Blaine breathes.
Kurt's never been to Dalton, Kurt's never going to let Blaine kiss him like that, and most importantly, Blaine's never going to let himself get carried away with Kurt. He'll never let him turn into a monster.
While Blaine's deciding this all for a final time, Jeff comes up from behind and surprises him. "Ay, Blaine baybay! What's goin' on, dude?" He sees that Blaine looks alert and has a boner. Interesting. "Good daydream or really good history chapter?"
Blaine puts his book over his lap and glares at him. "No. Why are you here?"
Jeff laughs softly and stands by his side. "Um, I live here? So do you. I heard you snuck out last night--just wanted to come and ask how that was."
"...I leave all the time. And why didn't you ask me this morning when I showered at your place?"
Light blond hair falls in front of Jeff's eyes as he shrugs and sits down next to Blaine at the table. "David said you were really pissed at Thad, so I didn't want you to accidentally claw my eyes out."
Blaine looks at his lack of note taking and then continues to look annoyed. "But you wouldn't die, you'd just... scream for a couple minutes before your eyes healed back up all nice... Right?"
Jeff twitches slightly at the thought. "Not if you pulled them out of their sockets, they wouldn't..."
Blaine makes a disgusted face from the mental image and apologizes. "Yeah, no, gross. Let's stop talking about that. What's up?"
Trying desperately to use telepathy, Jeff stares hard at Blaine to figure out what he's thinking. It's definitely not working. "...David wanted me to warn you that Thad and some of the other guys are starting to get um, I want to say, rowdy."
Blaine stares confused. "Why?"
"Kurt. The mystery guy you go see."
Blaine glares and shakes his heads. "Why's everyone talking about him this week? He's been in my life for nine years, and I've been here for eight and a half! I've known you for five, and Kurt's always been in my routine. Why does Thad have such a big problem with it?"
"...It's not just Thad's jealousy that we're worried about, Blaine. It's you. We're your friends, too, and we know stuff about you, too. We just want to help."
"Help me with what? Kurt? Being around him?"
Jeff makes sure his messenger bag strap is still securely on his shoulder. It makes him a little uneasy to feel Blaine's anger rising. "It's just... David says you've started having more fantasies about this guy. ...Is he really safe anymore?"
Blaine can't believe what he's hearing. First, David's been reading his mind a lot more than he thought, and secondly, he and Jeff are trying to tell Blaine how he feels about Kurt and what he should do about him.
"...I would never hurt Kurt. I would hurt myself before I ever laid a finger on him."
"Yeah, but what about a fang? Could you really stop yourself?"
Blaine gets up from the table and leaves the library before making a scene. Before making a scene out of Jeff's face.
When he gets back to his dorm room, Thad's luckily not there, so Blaine can collectively hate everyone without any disturbance. Everyone except Kurt, that is.
~*~
It’s hard for him to leave Kurt’s house when he knows that the only people that aren’t constantly judging him are Kurt and his father. Burt’s also known Blaine since he was a little boy, and he and Kurt seem to be the only two people who don’t think Blaine’s a threat. Maybe that’s just what Kurt says, but Blaine needs to think that at least one adult isn’t trying to change him.
Dalton Academy for Gifted Youngsters originally started out as a school for psychics to better understand their gifts. It wasn’t at all what it is now. Kids used to come in on the weekends and pay a small fee to work with professional psychics and those that had more experience in their fields, but then the program started receiving those with even more unique gifts like telepathy. Kids like Blaine’s friend David, who can literally tap into anyone’s mind at any moment and read their exact thoughts, started coming to the program, and then some bad people thought it’d be a good idea to turn Dalton into an expensive boarding school instead of a small helpful program.
When Blaine first came to Dalton, it was still in the process of turning into what it is now. There were fewer than one hundred students, and Blaine was the first “unique” case. Really, he was the first “dangerous” case the school had come across in its early period of development.
Since the school first viewed Blaine as a threat to the other students, he was given private tutoring and had his own room in the far end of the school. After a year of getting to know him, however, the board decided to see how Blaine would behave with the “normal” kids, and ever since that first try, Blaine’s been placed in the regular classes and had the fortunate ability to make friends with other gifted students.
However, being on good behavior doesn’t get him out of every lesson for the kids that are essentially categorized by the board as “high threats”. Every Wednesday after supper, Blaine and about two dozen other boys are sent to the main gymnasium to get lectured on their abnormalities.
There are a few boys here that are werewolves, a few which can create fire out of the palms of their hands, and a few others with abnormal Hercules-like strength.
Blaine and Thad could best identify with the werewolves, but even then, these lectures seem to do nothing for them. Like right now, Blaine’s sitting in the middle of the gym floor, listening to a guest speaker talk about his experience as a werewolf and how it’s affected his routine in the real world.
All the boys at Dalton despise society for making them feel unwanted and unwelcome, but secretly, they all fear the real world and want to be accepted for their differences. However, Blaine doesn’t think it’ll ever happen. He doesn’t think that hearing what others have had to go through will help him in any way deal with his own situation. No one else is half vampire; no one else is only half hated.
No one else has Kurt to think about, not even a friend to compare him to.
The four innocent boys that are werewolves are intently listening and nodding along to what the guest speaker has to say, and knowing that they’re probably getting filled with false hope and dreams makes Blaine angry. Maybe he should just let them think they have a fighting chance of controlling their werewolf sides and a shot in the real world, but he thinks it’s bullshit. Dalton doesn’t want to help anyone, they just want money and a way to control “gifted” kids that the world is too afraid to know exist.
When the guest speaker is done talking, the boys generally have to go through a series of tests-a psych evaluation, a strength test, and then group discussion time. Blaine knows how to act, knows how to pretend to be weak, and knows what to say. It’s all a lie.
Even Thad, the one who thinks he’s too good for everybody, pretends to be something he’s not in order to stay safe. Here at Dalton, they’re not teaching the boys how to accept and appreciate who they are, they’re telling them how to hide to be accepted.
Blaine watches as two staff members pull Thad to the side, and by the looks on their faces, he doesn’t think it’s good news. Thad’s probably getting in trouble for lashing out in one of his classes as usual. Still, Blaine can’t help but want to overhear.
“We understand you’re naturally aggressive, Thad, but it wasn’t right for you to yell at Professor Hamilton yesterday, and we’d like you to apologize before fourth period tomorrow. Please use this time to additionally write an apology paper on why vampires aren’t better than regular people.”
He watches Thad walk out of the gym with a blank expression, and even though he thinks he’s a dick, it breaks his heart to see himself in Thad. He knows that the staff member that talked to him was only trying to tell Thad it was wrong to assume that anyone is better than anyone else, but that’s not what it sounded like.
Blaine goes back to his dorm two hours later, before curfew, and he’s glad to see that Thad’s already asleep. He walks over to Thad’s work desk to shut his lamp off, but he can’t help but be curious as to what the apology note says.
Vampires are not better than regular people. Vampires are dangerous and impulsive.
They always have bad intentions, so they should not be trusted. The only way a vampire should be accepted by society is if he or she drinks cold animal blood, and even then, this should be kept a secret. Vampires aren’t better than regular people, because they are diseased and have mutations. Vampires are super duper bad. I’m fucking serious. I once tore a guys hand off because he pissed me the fuck off like you did, Hamilton. I am sorry that you are a fucking douchebag, Prof. Hamilton, and I will kill you when I fucking can next.
Love always, T-Pain
Somehow, Blaine thinks that Thad’s paper might just be a rough draft. He hopes, anyway. It might need a little work.
Despite the last part, Blaine knows how Thad must have felt writing the note. According to their Wednesday night lessons, the points made about vampires in Thad’s paper are factual.
I’m dangerous, impulsive, and mutated. I should be kept a secret and should never be trusted.
It makes him want to do something wrong just to prove Dalton right so they can happily pat themselves on the back.
~*~
It's pouring rain tonight, but Kurt hears the gentle knock on his window letting him know Blaine’s here. Kurt likes to think his ears are trained for moments like this. He backs away from the window in his light blue pajama pants and white night shirt to make room for Blaine to come in. Half of his hair is drenched from the rain even though he had a hood over his head the entire run over. Kurt likes that it makes his dark curls droop in front of his eyes. He thinks it makes Blaine look like sex with a “y”.
You're a vampire, your hair's wet, and you're looking at me like you're about to--oh, hello there, hug...
Blaine wraps his arms tightly around Kurt and kisses the side of his head even as the water drips down his forehead. Kurt smiles and leans into the hug despite pressing himself into the other boy's soaked hoodie. "You're wet."
Blaine nods against Kurt's neck but doesn't pull back as he makes the back of Kurt's legs hit the bed. "Lie down," he says quietly.
Kurt can't help but blush, but then he reminds himself that this isn't completely out of their normal routine whenever Blaine decides he can get away with spending the night. They always cuddle--just like they'll do tonight, right?
Blaine lies on his side, staring down at the boy who's sunk his head into the pillow and is lying on his back. Blaine smirks and scoots closer to him.
"What's with the late night surprise?" Kurt whispers, trying to sound witty and friendly.
Blaine puts his arm over Kurt's stomach and leans into his ear, laughing softly. "It's a surprise," he whispers back in a deeper voice than normal. Kurt feels his body stiffen when Blaine's hand drifts up his thigh and then skips to rub under his shirt. He leans into the touch and wishes right now that Blaine would kiss him.
"I thought about you a lot today..."
Kurt's used to Blaine being overly affectionate with him when he's in a good mood; however, he's not immune to Blaine suddenly coming over in the middle of the night and rubbing his hand in such a way over his stomach, heading to a much more interesting area.
He gasps softly when Blaine's cold thumb rubs over his hip bone. Blaine leans his forehead on Kurt's and smiles softly. "Sorry, are my fingers cold?" He kisses his forehead and goes to remove his hand, but Kurt reaches down to grab his hand to keep it there. He very much appreciates Blaine's hand in semi-questionable places.
Blaine smirks and kisses Kurt's cheek. "I love you."
Feeling his heart trying really hard not to beat out of his chest, Kurt thinks there's something about tonight and the way Blaine's acting that's leading him to believe that they'll go further.
It is a full moon... Wait, damn, that's werewolves.
"Y-You're doing it again" is all he can whisper back, not wanting Blaine to move away or to speak or do anything. Blaine laughs softly and kisses Kurt's cheek again. "I know, I can feel it, too," he says, referring to Kurt's heart beat.
"...Is yours beating, too?"
Blaine nods and gently lifts one of Kurt's hands to put over his heart. Kurt can feel it pumping against his ribcage and he can't help but hope, that in the moment his hand's measuring Blaine's heart rate, it will somehow speed up. That he'll be able to feel it go faster just because he's near him. To have even more proof that you belong with me.
It's one of the rare moments where Blaine can forget there's a part of himself that he hates. That he does have a heart rate and that he's human enough to be classified as alive.
"Are we going to tonight?" Kurt asks, biting his lip and trying to map out Blaine's eyes in the dark. It doesn't help that they always get darker when Blaine's turned on.
Blaine feels himself wanting to lean into Kurt's neck, wanting to kiss Kurt's neck, and wanting to feel his teeth grazing over the skin. Warning signs. He scoots a few inches from him and quietly answers no to Kurt's question.
"...Okay," Kurt says barely above a whisper.
It's not possible to physically feel another person's heart break, but no, Blaine would say, it's definitely possible. He puts a hand on Kurt's arm to comfort him. "I'm sorry, I want to. I think I even knew I wanted to before I started coming over, but... I'm getting the thoughts."
Kurt quickly nods his understanding and just pulls back a little more. "It's okay."
Blaine sighs and zones out for a moment to listen to the rain hitting the street and the surrounding rooftops. "...I want to stay here with you, but I'm afraid I won't be able to hold back if we try anything."
Kurt frowns and goes to kiss Blaine's cheek, but Blaine pulls back further and gets off the bed. "I can't, I can't. I'm sorry, I can't. Shit."
"Blaine, it's okay," Kurt sits up. "We can try another time, I'm sorry."
Blaine scoffs. "What? No! Why are you sorry? It's not your fault, it's mine."
Kurt chooses to add the comic relief. "Well, I'd certainly say if I didn't smell so good you wouldn't have to worry about hurting me, but..."
Blaine sighs. "I should go."
Kurt frowns. "Do you really?"
Blaine nods and opens the window. "I'm sorry, baby. Go back to sleep."
Kurt waits ten minutes until he thinks Blaine's long gone before he starts crying.
Maybe I want you to lose control for once.
----
Blaine wakes up in the middle of the night from a dream he was having about his parents. It's raining hard outside still, and he looks over to make sure Thad's still sleeping.
He had a dream that his dad found him and was strangling him and his mother was screaming in the background even though Blaine's never heard her voice before.
The truth is, Blaine would never want to meet his father even if he knew where in the hell he was or if he was still surviving (because living is out of the question). If he can even call him a father. That thing killed his mother--the one person other than Kurt that might have loved him unconditionally. Lost. Gone. Forever.
However, Blaine's known since he was six years old that he doesn't deserve to be loved. He hates himself for a lot of reasons, but right now he regrets ever latching himself onto Kurt. He could have stayed away from Lima Elementary School. He could have gone to a different town when he was running away from his aunt's house, but no. There was a presence in Lima, a need to go there, so he did.
He remembers watching Kurt sit under a pine tree on the playground.
Blaine had been so terrified of every person he walked by that day; he thought every one of them knew who he was and knew that his aunt was probably looking for him. However, eight year old Kurt looked just as sad and pathetic across the street as eight year old Blaine had felt. He decided to introduce himself, not knowing that he would end up nine years later with the same best friend.
Sometimes, Blaine feels like Kurt stays friends with him out of sympathy, but then Kurt proves him wrong with his smile. The smile of Kurt's that says "I really don't smile like this at anyone else".
Even if Kurt does love him for some unheard of reason, Blaine's not sure why his body gave him super strength and allows him to walk in the sunlight. He doesn't deserve the unique treatment.
However, he knows his abilities are a curse before they're anything special.
When he's in class, he can sense what others are feeling. He knows when the boy sitting next to him is secretly angry or when everyone in the class is thinking about sex rather than paying attention to the lecture. It can get overwhelming. Let's just say Blaine has taken a lot of bathroom breaks and walks around the halls over the last few years.
Blaine hasn't killed anyone ever, he was close this one time before he met Kurt, but he's learned to control his urges better, and now he buys blood from a butcher shop outside of Dalton. Cold animal blood isn't the same, but it's able to make his headaches and hunger go away. It doesn't make the thirst--the blood lust--go away, however, but it tames it.
~*~
Blaine's in the library again, reading Pride & Prejudice for his required English class, and he wonders how he must seem to Kurt after he left the other night.
He identifies with one of the main characters, Darcy, by living in this rich environment with some undoubtedly snobby people, and then he knows there's Kurt, and Kurt acts different than any other boy he knows. Quite like a Miss Elizabeth Bennet. He's witty and funny and most importantly, he's not afraid to make fun of Blaine. He knows his biggest secret--he doesn't think he's a monster--and what scares Blaine is how much he feels he needs Kurt.
Okay, so maybe the book he's reading has little to do with his actual situation, but there are some similarities. At least to Blaine. When all you can think about is the first boy you’ve ever hugged and kissed, everything is able to relate back to him. He can't stop thinking about where his hands were on Kurt and what he could have done.
The other night when he was lying in Kurt's bed, it was a lot like his dream he had last time in the library.
He wanted Kurt, and Kurt was going to kiss him. He felt it.
That's the major difference between them. The only urges Kurt has are to kiss, to feel close, and to get off. Kurt doesn't understand Blaine's need to have and to take. To keep.
It's the reason Blaine introduced himself to Kurt on the playground nine years ago. He sensed something he liked about Kurt, and at the time he thought it was just a friendship he wanted, but no. His vampire side knew he'd want this.
He wants Kurt all the time. Badly.
Maybe Jeff's right. Blaine is getting too dangerous for Kurt.
He just wishes it didn't make him feel this caged.
Part Two
Author: hengilas
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Kurt/Blaine, minor Blaine/Jeff (Warbler)
Warnings: Vampire AU, romance, graphic sex, language, angst, slight talk of minor character death (Blaine's mom)
Word Count: 16,959
Summary: Blaine and Kurt have been best friends for the past nine years, but now that they're more aware of their feelings for one another, they want to go further. The only problem is that Blaine's half vampire, and he grew up with the mentality of the Dalton Academy for Gifted Youngsters: that vampires are evil and don't deserve to be loved. He's gone to great lengths to make sure that he never hurts Kurt, but if they were ever in the heat of the moment, what could happen?
Author's Note: As always, my loves, star55 and teaboytoaliens beta'd this story. Also, I may or may not have been slightly inspired by X-Men for Dalton's AU name.
Amazing art can be found here by moonlessky! <3
~*~
A Rather Unpleasant Beginning
Unfortunately, we all have a past, which, whether we like it or not, helps make us who we are. We can try to forget the past; we can grow from it and learn, but either way, it’s our past, and what we do with it is up to us. For Blaine Anderson, all he can do is remember the past, and it’s not a positive thing to say he’s growing from it. It’s not a good thing to know that he’s grown stronger.
This is because Blaine is half vampire.
Like all of us, Blaine didn’t have a choice in deciding who he was going to be. Unlike all of us, Blaine’s father played an active role in determining what Blaine would be recognized as in society before the baby boy ever opened his eyes for the first time. His mother had died giving birth to him due to significant blood loss as the result of Blaine's biological father biting her in the neck and sucking her blood. Traumatically gross. After quickly realizing what his impulses had him do, without thinking, the father drained some of his own blood into her mouth in hopes it would turn her into the same blood-thirsting creature he had become a week prior in order to save her life. It hadn't worked.
He ran out of the hospital as she was dying, and the doctors and Blaine's aunt quickly had to make the decision to save her baby nephew over her sister.
Or so the story goes.
Blaine was only given this bit of the story when he was thirteen years old; his aunt wouldn't tell him anymore about his father or what resulted in them having to move to Chicago when he was four. At times, his Aunt Catherine would treat Blaine as less of a person than her three actual children. Blaine used to believe she didn't like him because he thought it was his fault his mother died, but secretly, she was just afraid that Blaine was like his father.
As he was learning his ABC's, he never understood why he would get in trouble for accidentally biting a classmate. He also didn't understand why he had a curiosity for what blood tasted like.
He thought it was a gross concept, but he had a strange need for blood. It made him sick if he went more than a few weeks without it.
When his father had given Blaine’s mother his blood in the hospital, some of the unique vampire enzymes had transferred over to Blaine, but since the delivery was already in the process, only the most dominant genes would eventually develop in the young boy over time. The more human qualities of being able to walk in sunlight and to age hadn't been altered, but Blaine acquired the abnormal strength and heightened senses of a vampire, which would develop and enhance as he grew. He also inherited the blood lust--something he didn't like to admit to having, but it was too dangerous to ignore it.
Thankfully, to combat the thirst for blood, Blaine was also born with a rather large heart (figuratively). He would, however, never allow himself the satisfaction of that knowledge, choosing to go with his aunt's belief that he was more of a monster than a person. Blaine wasn't allowed to have friends over, wasn't allowed to play with his cousins, and wasn't allowed to leave his aunt's home unless she was with him.
So, he ran away, and that's how he met Kurt on the playground when they were only eight years old. That's where their friendship started, and they haven't ended it, have no intention of ever ending it now. Blaine slowly let Kurt in, and Kurt was more than happy to develop a friendship, because he hadn't been so lucky in the friend department before meeting Blaine. Even if it was a friendship with a vampire, Kurt really didn't mind. Blaine never killed anybody, had only injured a few before, and he needed a support system in order to control his blood cravings and urges.
Both boys needed the other to tell them they weren't alone. Together, they never were. When Burt had found out about Kurt's secret friend, he had reluctantly contacted Blaine's aunt, and Blaine was soon sent to Dalton Academy for Gifted Youngsters to learn how to better control and understand his unique traits. That's where he still is now.
Over the last nine years, Blaine has made it a point to sneak out of Dalton to visit Kurt at least two nights out of the week. It hasn't been hard to do so, and sometimes, Blaine thinks some of staff let him leave on purpose. Otherwise, there would be no way he could have got away with it for almost the last decade. Besides, anyone who is willing to notice can see that Kurt is Blaine's biggest support system in fighting back the half of him he'd rather not mention on a daily basis. For Kurt, he just needs to hug his best friend every now and then. That's exactly what Blaine is to him--a best friend. There aren't any other possible feelings that have crept their way into developing with the person closest to him over the last nine years. No way.
After all, it's not like they hug constantly, cuddle, share their deepest thoughts with only each other, or are both pretty intensely great looking. It'd be preposterous to think they like each other that way. Not even preposterous, but Blaine is half vampire, so there's always that hidden cautiousness of 'is he going to bite me tonight?'
Blaine has never bit Kurt, but there's always the possibility that he could.
Definitely not a turn on factor for Kurt.
~*~
Beginning in the Middle
It's a Wednesday night in the middle of November, and with nothing better to do, Kurt's trying to finish his homework. Trying is the keyword, because it's not actually happening. Kurt can't stop thinking about Blaine. What a surprise.
They've never classified themselves as "boyfriends", but neither boy has ever dated anyone, and Kurt doesn't think he even wants to know what it'd be like to be extremely close with anyone other than Blaine. ...Hugging, he means. Just lots and lots of hugging, cuddling, and hand-holding. They can't do much else, because Blaine will freak out and claim to go into a blood lust mode. Whatever. Awesome. Might as well call it "cock-blocking mode".
Now that Kurt's rightfully made himself feel sexually frustrated without actually getting a boner, he needs to dance it off. He grabs his iPod off the desk in his room and sets the volume up all the way to start doing his semi-choreographed dance routine to Lady Gaga's "Born This Way". Blaine's half vampire, hey, Blaine's half a vampire, hey, but feels he's not on the right track, baby...
It's exhausting.
All of the sudden, there's a knock at Kurt's window, and the first thing the boy thinks to do is to chuck his iPod at the glass and scream. A moment later, he hears laughing outside the window, and even though his adrenaline is momentarily running from dancing and/or from being freaked the fuck out, his heart soars just from hearing Blaine's laugh. He opens the window and sticks his face right in Blaine's face, glaring at the grinning boy outside. "Don't. Do. That. Ever again."
Blaine smirks and pushes him away to let himself into Kurt's room. "What? Stop your dance hour?"
Kurt takes off the dark blue headband he has on his forehead and leans against his homework desk. "Hi, Blaine."
He watches Blaine smile softly and come over to hug him. Kurt leans into his chest and closes his eyes to feel Blaine engulfing him in the hug. They stay like this for a couple minutes, absorbed in the other one's touch, until Kurt pulls back. Kurt lets go first, because Blaine will always hold on as long as Kurt wants or needs to. "You're a dick," is all Kurt says to him.
Blaine smiles and nods, lightly slapping himself in the face multiple times to show how awful he's been acting. Kurt rolls his eyes and starts walking over to his bed. "Stop it... Come on, tell me how it's been at Dull-ton."
They plop down on Kurt's bed, Blaine just staring at him for a moment before speaking. "I missed you. I'm sorry. Midterms are just kicking my ass, and the Warblers want me to join their glee club, and things are just getting stressful over there."
Kurt remembers when Blaine would look at him for a long time in silence, afraid to say anything about himself. Blaine's still reserved, but Kurt's happy that when Blaine does leave his own head, he tells Kurt first. He smiles a little and starts playing with Blaine's hand. "Yeah, I know, it's okay. It just sucks not seeing you much this week."
Blaine tells him that he can't sleep over tonight, because Thad's going to check on him at three to make sure he hasn't snuck out. Kurt groans and leans in closer to Blaine. "Nooo. Why?"
Blaine looks down, leading Kurt to believe that he's not going to tell him something that might be of importance. "The guys just get mad that I'm good at sneaking out and they're not."
"Those spoiled rich boys want to know what the real world's like? They're not missing much." Even though Kurt’s view of the world is probably not the most pleasant, he doesn’t like to think that Blaine’s not able to enjoy it how he can. It’s better just to tell him that walking around unmonitored is boring.
Their faces are closer together than they were moments before. Kurt's heart's beating a little louder than it was moments before, too. Brushing the few stray hairs out of Kurt's face, Blaine stares at him with soft eyes. "No, I think they might just be jealous of me. They don't have anyone as good as you."
Kurt blushes and rolls his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, sure.” It’s not like Blaine doesn’t tell him this every chance he can, but somehow, it’s still able to make Kurt's cheeks turn red. Luckily, they feel strangely comfortable with talking to each other about anything. “...So, when are we going to lose our virginity to each other, huh? You hinted last week, and then you didn't come see me. Don't ho me out, Blaine."
Blaine pulls his face back and laughs. "Kurt..." He hates to tell him no, but it’s what he thinks he needs to do.
"No, no, it's okay. I'm just kidding, I know why." I know why you won’t let yourself feel awesomely awesome with me. No, it’s totally fine. It’s fine. Fine. It’s fine. God.
The darker haired boy frowns and looks at him with a serious expression. "You know I love you more than anyone, and I want to be with you, but it'd be dangerous, Kurt."
The danger, Blaine, would be the main point. Duh.
The other boy sighs, leaning his head on Blaine's chest gently. "You can hear my heart beat, right?"
Blaine shifts his body slightly to make the position more comfortable for Kurt and then starts stroking the boy's hair again. "Maybe one day."
Kurt closes his eyes, liking the way his lips feel soft against Blaine's shirt.
Blaine doesn't leave until he's sure that Kurt's asleep.
~*~
"Buh-layyyyne. Wake up. Wake the fuck up, now."
Blaine keeps his eyes closed and holds his sheets tighter to his chest.
"I know, Thad. I heard you wake up, I know what time it is, and I know that the lunch ladies have already started cooking in the cafeteria... I know."
Thad smirks and gets close to Blaine's face. His black hair sticks straight up in ten different directions and his eyes are darker than Blaine's are even when he's in prowl mode. "Good, then get up and shower with me."
Blaine doesn't respond and instead just pretends to have fallen back asleep. Of course, that's a complete fail. The older boy scoffs and throws a pillow at his head. "Why won't you? I know you think I'm sexy. David told me so."
David, you asshole mind reader. I thought we had an agreement...
"...It's because of your precious Kurt, right?"
Blaine opens his eyes and turns to look at Thad with what he thinks is an unreadable expression, but Thad can easily tell that Blaine's getting pissed now.
They've been roommates at Dalton for two years, since Thad joined the program, and even though they don't get along, Thad knows certain things about Blaine better than anyone else can understand. Being able to read Blaine's facial expressions is one of them.
He smirks. "Go ahead, Blaine. Fuck the human boy. Vamp sex him up."
Blaine gets up quickly and goes over to the bathroom to grab his towel. "I'm showering in Jeff's room.”
Before he shuts the dorm door, he hears Thad call "While you're at it, go pick me up some of your disgusting pig blood... Or maybe you'll feed off Kurt tonight if he's lucky..."
He slams the door and practically runs to Jeff and David's dorm, not wanting to accidentally barge back in the room and tear Thad's throat out.
All the boys at Dalton Academy for Gifted Youngsters are different.
David, one of Blaine's only friends, is telepathic and sometimes lets people's secrets slip if he thinks they're not personal enough to be kept secret. Really, finding out that Blaine thinks Thad's good-looking was a great night for him.
Blaine's only other friend, Jeff, is immortal and is an irregularly fast healer. Blaine used to know him as Kurt's friend on the playground at Lima Elementary School, and apparently Jeff originally started out at Dalton, but once Jeff's big cuts and bruises started healing in record timing on the soccer field, Jeff's parents decided to send him back. Just so their son could feel more at home. Feel normal.
Out of the three hundred boys that attend Dalton, Thad and Blaine are the only two that are considered vampires. Thad's a senior student and constantly thinks it's his job to antagonize Blaine for not being a "true" vampire. Blaine is able to ignore Thad's comments most of the time, because in all honesty, Blaine's half human and he feels the need to remind people of this a lot. He doesn't want to be a vampire. He doesn't want to be like Thad and believe that vampires are superior and shouldn't have to adjust to a human world. After all, if he were to think that, only half of himself would be superior. The other half would feel numb, inferior, and dead. Or maybe that's how Blaine feels as a whole.
Too much talking about halves confuses Blaine more than it should. When he wants all his thoughts to just go away, he likes to pretend that Kurt is his other "half", and that maybe, it's somehow able to make all of Blaine good.
Not a monster.
He chooses to drink packets of animal blood rather than donated human blood, because he doesn't want to be reminded of the taste. He's been sober for five years, and at the age of seventeen, he wants to keep it that way.
Thad will always look eighteen, because he doesn't have Blaine's uniqueness. He can see it in Thad's eyes, his confidence and arrogance, as something only a true vampire would feel. He's pale from not being able to walk in the sun, while Blaine's skin takes on a healthier looking glow from spending too much time in Kurt’s backyard in the summer without sunscreen. However, Blaine's jealous sometimes that Thad gets to know exactly what he is, letting it absorb who he is, and not giving a care in the world for how it might affect others.
Blaine can never be like him, as much as he wants to on some nights. On the nights when the headaches won't go away, everyone he hears walking around outside or in the dorms don't seem like people anymore, they just seem like ways to make his thirst and pain go away. But then there's Kurt.
~*~
Blaine has just finished crying for the fourth time this week. His aunt is sending him to board at a school for "gifted" kids like himself, and Blaine’s afraid to go to a new place and be surrounded by other bad kids. Blaine’s a bad kid. He knows it. Why else would she send him away for good?
"No, Blaine. Don't let her get to you. Maybe it'll be kinda fun!" Kurt says, his little arms wrapping themselves around his emotional friend the best he can.
Blaine shakes his head and just holds onto Kurt's arm, tucking his head into the crook of his neck. That was probably a mistake, though. Feeling the warmth from his friend's neck, the blood flowing through his body, only makes Blaine feel more on edge. He wants to be comforted by his best friend, not wanting to hurt him. He whimpers and pulls his head away from Kurt's neck before those feelings build up any stronger. Kurt just stares at him sorrowfully.
"If it'll make you feel happy to bite me, go ahead. I know you want to, Blaine, it's okay."
Here Blaine is, crying day in and day out about his life, when Kurt’s always so willing to sacrifice his own life on occasion to make Blaine "feel better". It doesn't make Blaine feel better, it just makes him feel sick. Even at this age, he swears to himself he will never take advantage of Kurt.
"I should go," Blaine says quietly, attempting to get off the large couch while Kurt continues to hold on tightly.
"Nooo, Blaine. You're staying. You ate yesterday, 'member? So we could stay up all night and watch this movie and your tummy wouldn't hurt?"
Blaine sighs and plops back down on the cushion, cuddling into his friend the best he can. Kurt presses the play button and soon they’re watching The Little Vampire film that came out two years ago. Blaine hasn't seen a vampire film yet, so Kurt decided to educate him through the best sources of information: films and television. They'll start with a film about a little lost vampire that befriends a human boy and then eventually turns human.
Kurt doesn't think Blaine will ever turn completely human, there’s no way, but that wasn't his intent when he rented the film. He wants Blaine to accept himself and realize that he has a friend sitting right next to him that will love him no matter what.
"See? This movie has loads of vampires. You're not alone, see?"
Blaine stares at the screen and shrugs as he watches the vampires turn into bats. He wonders for a moment if he'll ever be able to undergo such rigorous morphing, but he highly doubts it. Almost.
"I don't know. I haven't felt a presence of one since I was like six. ...I think I might just be alone now."
~*~
Blaine's sitting in class, listening to his Trigonometry professor lecture about tangent and sine. "Because even special kids like you need to be able to figure out the angles of a triangle!" He's about to pass out in the back of the classroom when he watches the door open slightly to reveal Kurt peeking into the room. He can't believe Kurt is here, at Dalton, in his math class. How did he even get here?
He whispers across the classroom and somehow doesn't get noticed by the professor. "Kurt! What are you doing here?"
Kurt's waving his hand, telling him to sneak out, so Blaine does.
He knows if he gets in trouble here one more time that his aunt will probably make him go to some kind of boot camp, but he hasn't seen Kurt in a couple days, so he takes the risk anyway.
The way Kurt's smiling mischievously with bright eyes makes Blaine want to be part of this secret mission, too. Kurt grabs his hand, and the touch feels more real than any other time Kurt's touched his hand before. It feels slightly new and unfamiliar but real.
They're running down the hallway in what Blaine feels like is slow motion, but it doesn't register to him that this is strange. He just really wants to know where Kurt's taking him. Kurt leads him to an empty room, and there's a random bed in the corner where Blaine doesn't remember there ever being a bed, but he goes with it because Kurt's dragging him onto it rather eagerly.
It makes Blaine really happy to see Kurt smiling and giggling as they both climb on the bed. They start kissing even though Blaine knows he really shouldn't be, because every time he kisses Kurt, he feels a way he shouldn't be feeling--good. Also, they're at Blaine's school right now, so it's really important that they don't get caught. Really important.
Kurt's kissing him so nice though, and he smells so good, and Blaine's feeling a far too familiar feeling--his blood lust is building up. He pulls Kurt into his lap and starts grinding up on him hard, and Kurt's just holding onto him and kissing him like everything’s going to be fine. Kurt whispers something in Blaine's ear that makes him blush, and then he's lifting Blaine's shirt off; Blaine feels like he's not going to be able to control his urges if Kurt keeps this up any longer, but he doesn't want him to stop, either.
He wants to bite Kurt and taste him and never let him out of this room.
He's feeling Kurt's mouth on his neck, and he's sucking, and then he feels pain. It takes him a couple seconds to feel the blood dripping down his neck before he realizes Kurt's biting him and sucking his blood. He's starting to feel woozy, but he's in too much of a shock to lift his arms up to stop Kurt from taking too much. He wants to tell Kurt when to know his limit, when to feel like the craving is gone and he can pull off, but then he's getting too tired and light to move. This is what dying feels like.
Somehow Kurt's talking to him as he's sucking, and he's crying and asking Blaine to stop, and even though Kurt's the one that's draining all his blood, Blaine feels the guilt and the thirst. Kurt keeps crying softly and the last thing he sees is Kurt's teary eyes.
"Why'd you do this to me?"
----
Blaine wakes up, having fallen asleep at the library in the middle of studying. His heart is beating extremely fast, and he just knows that he wants. Taking a moment to realize that what just happened was a dream, he places a hand on his neck just to make sure that there's no pain there. It was just a dream.
It was just a dream.
"Thank god," Blaine breathes.
Kurt's never been to Dalton, Kurt's never going to let Blaine kiss him like that, and most importantly, Blaine's never going to let himself get carried away with Kurt. He'll never let him turn into a monster.
While Blaine's deciding this all for a final time, Jeff comes up from behind and surprises him. "Ay, Blaine baybay! What's goin' on, dude?" He sees that Blaine looks alert and has a boner. Interesting. "Good daydream or really good history chapter?"
Blaine puts his book over his lap and glares at him. "No. Why are you here?"
Jeff laughs softly and stands by his side. "Um, I live here? So do you. I heard you snuck out last night--just wanted to come and ask how that was."
"...I leave all the time. And why didn't you ask me this morning when I showered at your place?"
Light blond hair falls in front of Jeff's eyes as he shrugs and sits down next to Blaine at the table. "David said you were really pissed at Thad, so I didn't want you to accidentally claw my eyes out."
Blaine looks at his lack of note taking and then continues to look annoyed. "But you wouldn't die, you'd just... scream for a couple minutes before your eyes healed back up all nice... Right?"
Jeff twitches slightly at the thought. "Not if you pulled them out of their sockets, they wouldn't..."
Blaine makes a disgusted face from the mental image and apologizes. "Yeah, no, gross. Let's stop talking about that. What's up?"
Trying desperately to use telepathy, Jeff stares hard at Blaine to figure out what he's thinking. It's definitely not working. "...David wanted me to warn you that Thad and some of the other guys are starting to get um, I want to say, rowdy."
Blaine stares confused. "Why?"
"Kurt. The mystery guy you go see."
Blaine glares and shakes his heads. "Why's everyone talking about him this week? He's been in my life for nine years, and I've been here for eight and a half! I've known you for five, and Kurt's always been in my routine. Why does Thad have such a big problem with it?"
"...It's not just Thad's jealousy that we're worried about, Blaine. It's you. We're your friends, too, and we know stuff about you, too. We just want to help."
"Help me with what? Kurt? Being around him?"
Jeff makes sure his messenger bag strap is still securely on his shoulder. It makes him a little uneasy to feel Blaine's anger rising. "It's just... David says you've started having more fantasies about this guy. ...Is he really safe anymore?"
Blaine can't believe what he's hearing. First, David's been reading his mind a lot more than he thought, and secondly, he and Jeff are trying to tell Blaine how he feels about Kurt and what he should do about him.
"...I would never hurt Kurt. I would hurt myself before I ever laid a finger on him."
"Yeah, but what about a fang? Could you really stop yourself?"
Blaine gets up from the table and leaves the library before making a scene. Before making a scene out of Jeff's face.
When he gets back to his dorm room, Thad's luckily not there, so Blaine can collectively hate everyone without any disturbance. Everyone except Kurt, that is.
~*~
It’s hard for him to leave Kurt’s house when he knows that the only people that aren’t constantly judging him are Kurt and his father. Burt’s also known Blaine since he was a little boy, and he and Kurt seem to be the only two people who don’t think Blaine’s a threat. Maybe that’s just what Kurt says, but Blaine needs to think that at least one adult isn’t trying to change him.
Dalton Academy for Gifted Youngsters originally started out as a school for psychics to better understand their gifts. It wasn’t at all what it is now. Kids used to come in on the weekends and pay a small fee to work with professional psychics and those that had more experience in their fields, but then the program started receiving those with even more unique gifts like telepathy. Kids like Blaine’s friend David, who can literally tap into anyone’s mind at any moment and read their exact thoughts, started coming to the program, and then some bad people thought it’d be a good idea to turn Dalton into an expensive boarding school instead of a small helpful program.
When Blaine first came to Dalton, it was still in the process of turning into what it is now. There were fewer than one hundred students, and Blaine was the first “unique” case. Really, he was the first “dangerous” case the school had come across in its early period of development.
Since the school first viewed Blaine as a threat to the other students, he was given private tutoring and had his own room in the far end of the school. After a year of getting to know him, however, the board decided to see how Blaine would behave with the “normal” kids, and ever since that first try, Blaine’s been placed in the regular classes and had the fortunate ability to make friends with other gifted students.
However, being on good behavior doesn’t get him out of every lesson for the kids that are essentially categorized by the board as “high threats”. Every Wednesday after supper, Blaine and about two dozen other boys are sent to the main gymnasium to get lectured on their abnormalities.
There are a few boys here that are werewolves, a few which can create fire out of the palms of their hands, and a few others with abnormal Hercules-like strength.
Blaine and Thad could best identify with the werewolves, but even then, these lectures seem to do nothing for them. Like right now, Blaine’s sitting in the middle of the gym floor, listening to a guest speaker talk about his experience as a werewolf and how it’s affected his routine in the real world.
All the boys at Dalton despise society for making them feel unwanted and unwelcome, but secretly, they all fear the real world and want to be accepted for their differences. However, Blaine doesn’t think it’ll ever happen. He doesn’t think that hearing what others have had to go through will help him in any way deal with his own situation. No one else is half vampire; no one else is only half hated.
No one else has Kurt to think about, not even a friend to compare him to.
The four innocent boys that are werewolves are intently listening and nodding along to what the guest speaker has to say, and knowing that they’re probably getting filled with false hope and dreams makes Blaine angry. Maybe he should just let them think they have a fighting chance of controlling their werewolf sides and a shot in the real world, but he thinks it’s bullshit. Dalton doesn’t want to help anyone, they just want money and a way to control “gifted” kids that the world is too afraid to know exist.
When the guest speaker is done talking, the boys generally have to go through a series of tests-a psych evaluation, a strength test, and then group discussion time. Blaine knows how to act, knows how to pretend to be weak, and knows what to say. It’s all a lie.
Even Thad, the one who thinks he’s too good for everybody, pretends to be something he’s not in order to stay safe. Here at Dalton, they’re not teaching the boys how to accept and appreciate who they are, they’re telling them how to hide to be accepted.
Blaine watches as two staff members pull Thad to the side, and by the looks on their faces, he doesn’t think it’s good news. Thad’s probably getting in trouble for lashing out in one of his classes as usual. Still, Blaine can’t help but want to overhear.
“We understand you’re naturally aggressive, Thad, but it wasn’t right for you to yell at Professor Hamilton yesterday, and we’d like you to apologize before fourth period tomorrow. Please use this time to additionally write an apology paper on why vampires aren’t better than regular people.”
He watches Thad walk out of the gym with a blank expression, and even though he thinks he’s a dick, it breaks his heart to see himself in Thad. He knows that the staff member that talked to him was only trying to tell Thad it was wrong to assume that anyone is better than anyone else, but that’s not what it sounded like.
Blaine goes back to his dorm two hours later, before curfew, and he’s glad to see that Thad’s already asleep. He walks over to Thad’s work desk to shut his lamp off, but he can’t help but be curious as to what the apology note says.
Vampires are not better than regular people. Vampires are dangerous and impulsive.
They always have bad intentions, so they should not be trusted. The only way a vampire should be accepted by society is if he or she drinks cold animal blood, and even then, this should be kept a secret. Vampires aren’t better than regular people, because they are diseased and have mutations. Vampires are super duper bad. I’m fucking serious. I once tore a guys hand off because he pissed me the fuck off like you did, Hamilton. I am sorry that you are a fucking douchebag, Prof. Hamilton, and I will kill you when I fucking can next.
Love always, T-Pain
Somehow, Blaine thinks that Thad’s paper might just be a rough draft. He hopes, anyway. It might need a little work.
Despite the last part, Blaine knows how Thad must have felt writing the note. According to their Wednesday night lessons, the points made about vampires in Thad’s paper are factual.
I’m dangerous, impulsive, and mutated. I should be kept a secret and should never be trusted.
It makes him want to do something wrong just to prove Dalton right so they can happily pat themselves on the back.
~*~
It's pouring rain tonight, but Kurt hears the gentle knock on his window letting him know Blaine’s here. Kurt likes to think his ears are trained for moments like this. He backs away from the window in his light blue pajama pants and white night shirt to make room for Blaine to come in. Half of his hair is drenched from the rain even though he had a hood over his head the entire run over. Kurt likes that it makes his dark curls droop in front of his eyes. He thinks it makes Blaine look like sex with a “y”.
You're a vampire, your hair's wet, and you're looking at me like you're about to--oh, hello there, hug...
Blaine wraps his arms tightly around Kurt and kisses the side of his head even as the water drips down his forehead. Kurt smiles and leans into the hug despite pressing himself into the other boy's soaked hoodie. "You're wet."
Blaine nods against Kurt's neck but doesn't pull back as he makes the back of Kurt's legs hit the bed. "Lie down," he says quietly.
Kurt can't help but blush, but then he reminds himself that this isn't completely out of their normal routine whenever Blaine decides he can get away with spending the night. They always cuddle--just like they'll do tonight, right?
Blaine lies on his side, staring down at the boy who's sunk his head into the pillow and is lying on his back. Blaine smirks and scoots closer to him.
"What's with the late night surprise?" Kurt whispers, trying to sound witty and friendly.
Blaine puts his arm over Kurt's stomach and leans into his ear, laughing softly. "It's a surprise," he whispers back in a deeper voice than normal. Kurt feels his body stiffen when Blaine's hand drifts up his thigh and then skips to rub under his shirt. He leans into the touch and wishes right now that Blaine would kiss him.
"I thought about you a lot today..."
Kurt's used to Blaine being overly affectionate with him when he's in a good mood; however, he's not immune to Blaine suddenly coming over in the middle of the night and rubbing his hand in such a way over his stomach, heading to a much more interesting area.
He gasps softly when Blaine's cold thumb rubs over his hip bone. Blaine leans his forehead on Kurt's and smiles softly. "Sorry, are my fingers cold?" He kisses his forehead and goes to remove his hand, but Kurt reaches down to grab his hand to keep it there. He very much appreciates Blaine's hand in semi-questionable places.
Blaine smirks and kisses Kurt's cheek. "I love you."
Feeling his heart trying really hard not to beat out of his chest, Kurt thinks there's something about tonight and the way Blaine's acting that's leading him to believe that they'll go further.
It is a full moon... Wait, damn, that's werewolves.
"Y-You're doing it again" is all he can whisper back, not wanting Blaine to move away or to speak or do anything. Blaine laughs softly and kisses Kurt's cheek again. "I know, I can feel it, too," he says, referring to Kurt's heart beat.
"...Is yours beating, too?"
Blaine nods and gently lifts one of Kurt's hands to put over his heart. Kurt can feel it pumping against his ribcage and he can't help but hope, that in the moment his hand's measuring Blaine's heart rate, it will somehow speed up. That he'll be able to feel it go faster just because he's near him. To have even more proof that you belong with me.
It's one of the rare moments where Blaine can forget there's a part of himself that he hates. That he does have a heart rate and that he's human enough to be classified as alive.
"Are we going to tonight?" Kurt asks, biting his lip and trying to map out Blaine's eyes in the dark. It doesn't help that they always get darker when Blaine's turned on.
Blaine feels himself wanting to lean into Kurt's neck, wanting to kiss Kurt's neck, and wanting to feel his teeth grazing over the skin. Warning signs. He scoots a few inches from him and quietly answers no to Kurt's question.
"...Okay," Kurt says barely above a whisper.
It's not possible to physically feel another person's heart break, but no, Blaine would say, it's definitely possible. He puts a hand on Kurt's arm to comfort him. "I'm sorry, I want to. I think I even knew I wanted to before I started coming over, but... I'm getting the thoughts."
Kurt quickly nods his understanding and just pulls back a little more. "It's okay."
Blaine sighs and zones out for a moment to listen to the rain hitting the street and the surrounding rooftops. "...I want to stay here with you, but I'm afraid I won't be able to hold back if we try anything."
Kurt frowns and goes to kiss Blaine's cheek, but Blaine pulls back further and gets off the bed. "I can't, I can't. I'm sorry, I can't. Shit."
"Blaine, it's okay," Kurt sits up. "We can try another time, I'm sorry."
Blaine scoffs. "What? No! Why are you sorry? It's not your fault, it's mine."
Kurt chooses to add the comic relief. "Well, I'd certainly say if I didn't smell so good you wouldn't have to worry about hurting me, but..."
Blaine sighs. "I should go."
Kurt frowns. "Do you really?"
Blaine nods and opens the window. "I'm sorry, baby. Go back to sleep."
Kurt waits ten minutes until he thinks Blaine's long gone before he starts crying.
Maybe I want you to lose control for once.
----
Blaine wakes up in the middle of the night from a dream he was having about his parents. It's raining hard outside still, and he looks over to make sure Thad's still sleeping.
He had a dream that his dad found him and was strangling him and his mother was screaming in the background even though Blaine's never heard her voice before.
The truth is, Blaine would never want to meet his father even if he knew where in the hell he was or if he was still surviving (because living is out of the question). If he can even call him a father. That thing killed his mother--the one person other than Kurt that might have loved him unconditionally. Lost. Gone. Forever.
However, Blaine's known since he was six years old that he doesn't deserve to be loved. He hates himself for a lot of reasons, but right now he regrets ever latching himself onto Kurt. He could have stayed away from Lima Elementary School. He could have gone to a different town when he was running away from his aunt's house, but no. There was a presence in Lima, a need to go there, so he did.
He remembers watching Kurt sit under a pine tree on the playground.
Blaine had been so terrified of every person he walked by that day; he thought every one of them knew who he was and knew that his aunt was probably looking for him. However, eight year old Kurt looked just as sad and pathetic across the street as eight year old Blaine had felt. He decided to introduce himself, not knowing that he would end up nine years later with the same best friend.
Sometimes, Blaine feels like Kurt stays friends with him out of sympathy, but then Kurt proves him wrong with his smile. The smile of Kurt's that says "I really don't smile like this at anyone else".
Even if Kurt does love him for some unheard of reason, Blaine's not sure why his body gave him super strength and allows him to walk in the sunlight. He doesn't deserve the unique treatment.
However, he knows his abilities are a curse before they're anything special.
When he's in class, he can sense what others are feeling. He knows when the boy sitting next to him is secretly angry or when everyone in the class is thinking about sex rather than paying attention to the lecture. It can get overwhelming. Let's just say Blaine has taken a lot of bathroom breaks and walks around the halls over the last few years.
Blaine hasn't killed anyone ever, he was close this one time before he met Kurt, but he's learned to control his urges better, and now he buys blood from a butcher shop outside of Dalton. Cold animal blood isn't the same, but it's able to make his headaches and hunger go away. It doesn't make the thirst--the blood lust--go away, however, but it tames it.
~*~
Blaine's in the library again, reading Pride & Prejudice for his required English class, and he wonders how he must seem to Kurt after he left the other night.
He identifies with one of the main characters, Darcy, by living in this rich environment with some undoubtedly snobby people, and then he knows there's Kurt, and Kurt acts different than any other boy he knows. Quite like a Miss Elizabeth Bennet. He's witty and funny and most importantly, he's not afraid to make fun of Blaine. He knows his biggest secret--he doesn't think he's a monster--and what scares Blaine is how much he feels he needs Kurt.
Okay, so maybe the book he's reading has little to do with his actual situation, but there are some similarities. At least to Blaine. When all you can think about is the first boy you’ve ever hugged and kissed, everything is able to relate back to him. He can't stop thinking about where his hands were on Kurt and what he could have done.
The other night when he was lying in Kurt's bed, it was a lot like his dream he had last time in the library.
He wanted Kurt, and Kurt was going to kiss him. He felt it.
That's the major difference between them. The only urges Kurt has are to kiss, to feel close, and to get off. Kurt doesn't understand Blaine's need to have and to take. To keep.
It's the reason Blaine introduced himself to Kurt on the playground nine years ago. He sensed something he liked about Kurt, and at the time he thought it was just a friendship he wanted, but no. His vampire side knew he'd want this.
He wants Kurt all the time. Badly.
Maybe Jeff's right. Blaine is getting too dangerous for Kurt.
He just wishes it didn't make him feel this caged.
Part Two