Entry #40: Of junk food infidels and psychological terrorists
Entry #40 : Of junk food infidels and psychological terrorists
Featuring : Super Junior M, Jessica SNSD and Amber F(x). :D
This is random, but I think I lost more of my celebrated, reckless youth in the past few weeks.
Why?
“You are going to look faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaantastic in the clothes I got for you!”
The last day I touched a decent burger was the first official day of my giving into a diet scheme.
I know, I know! I should start ranting about something else besides this issue again.
Like, two weeks ago, I was complaining about liking god damned carrot sticks - and I’ve concluded that it was due to possession of some sort.
And I would really like to have amnesia attacks to forget what happened during that period.
Unfamiliar, centred voice in the head sang: You ate healthy food, Henry.
Me: *AMNESIA ATTACK JOOSAEYO!*
When I first came to Korea, I only knew how to use the word ‘joosaeyo’ which basically means ‘give me please’ or maybe it’s just ‘please’ or whatever - so I basically just joosaeyo-ed everything.
Like, you know, kimchi joosaeyo! Honey Stars joosaeyo!
…Lee Sungmin joosaeyo!
*Leeteuk laugh*
However!
The next minute after I whacked Zhou Mi’s Miss Field’s cookies (I IS DA GOJIRA COOKIE MONGSTAH!!!) to dust, I totally backstabbed myself.
So what’s the story, morning glory?
For the first time in the history of Super Junior M’s over-enthusiastic food intake control (that’s what he said, my darling manager. In my term it’s simply called ‘almost-obsessive’) - or at least, the constant attempts to do so - the resident Aslan had nothing to do with it.
Isn’t it ironic?
*Leeteuk laugh!*
“Pay attention, okay. This is the first set of clothes for the morning shoot.”
And woot, woot! Nice shades!
Anyway, you can blame my stylist this time around - and whoever that works in that department!
Super Junior M was finally announcing a comeback with a smashing new sound, image, style and even better, shinier Mandarin that will bloody well knock the pretty socks off your feet - but that also means surfboard flat figures if not tout abs.
Imagine this: you come into meeting one day, happy to see your group members because it seems like it has been AGES since you had one with every member in it - and after laying down the concept of our comeback, sampling a little bit of our new single...your managers tell you:
“You need to lose at least 6 kilos within 2 weeks. The styling department requires you to that.”
The unhappiest soul of the lot would be the first to think about human string beans, and panicked with madman thoughts like: “We are Super String Beans M, EM-EH-OH!”
Hey.
How would you feel if people take the delicious glory of carbo, fat and oil from your hands - when you’ve lived with it since they day you were born, huh?
Huh? Huh? Huhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh?
Not so health-conscious smart-ass now, are ya?! Ha=HA!
So there goes my reckless youth, cherished junk flushed down the drain by my beefy Celery men.
Get it, get it? Salary = Celery?
Kim Yeh Sung’s cold jokes JOOSAEYO!
*Leeteuk laugh!*
That day, I woke up with the music in my head going something like: Woah…oh…Woah…oh…
“This one is the evening one. Awesome, isn’t it?”
What SuJuMan (yeah, Leeteuk has all the right short forms for everything in life) was going to have as our first schedule of the day was the shooting of our new music video ‘Super Girl’.
Techno, Jesus, is so 1983 - but yeah, in Asia, we’re bringin’ that sexy white-pants year back, yo!
And as usual, instead of singing along to the music blasting around us from the speakers of the warehouse we were given to shoot our video in, I was busy thinking about food.
And the lyrics in my head went: Kan wo, kan kan wo…wo zhen de er, wo yao chi…(Look at me, look at me, I’m so hungry, I wanna eat…)
According to my mom, I’m skinnier now. She’s not having cardiac arrests over it though, which is a good thing (unlike Zhou Mi’s parents who almost checked him into rehab once, kid you not!).
I don’t think I’m that thin. I still eat like a shameless hog in post-parties and get chased around by the managers for stealing food from their rooms - with Donghae, of course, because we’re Pigs R Us and we’re unstoppable like that.
So naturally, what we were planning for lunch later was good ol’ Burger King - and what all of us could already taste at the back of our throat was the classic Whoppers the second Donghae suggested it.
GOJIRA HAMBAGA JOOSAEYO!
Christ I’m this damn retarded. You know me too well already.
Next to me, stylist-noona said, “This is the third set, which is the ‘just in case wardrobe’.”
Damn…and with the extra large, iced Coke...upsized curly fries…
Oh oh oh oh my love, my love, my love… oh, oh, oh, oh, oh so gorgeous!
“Just in case?”
Celebrated Energizer Loaded FriendS (ELFS!), let’s sing my version of our song with me now!
Oh my ShooJooMan…gonna eat Shooper Whopper!
Wo zhen de yao chi Burger King, kuai jiao song shi wu de ren! (I really want to eat Burger
King, please call the delivery guy!)
*Leeteuk laugh*
It was all so good…
“Well, just in case I change my mind about the second one!”
…Until she shoved three pairs of size freakin’ 6 pants into my hands.
“Err…” I tried not to blink at what I was holding.
“Zhou Mi’s?”
Then out came the whole line of these…these…ridiculous super small sized children’s wear…
Jesus?!
“No, silly!” She snorted, laughing in that highly amused and ridiculed kind of sense.
As if she couldn’t damn well read the radiating worry in the tone of my voice right then.
“It’s yours! Why would I give Zhou Mi’s clothes to you?”
So Super Junior String Beans M is really happening.
Aiya!
After that, the lyrics became: Oh my Shooper noona, ni zai zhuo meng le ba?! (are you dreaming?!)
zhe tiao niu zai ku tai jing, wo bu ken neng chuan de liao! (These jeans are too tight, I can’t fit into them!)
Like, come on! This happens like all the time, yo.
We have like, 4 stylists with us whenever this group travels - so after a year of being a smashing teen idol and having mastered how to write ‘I am a pretty boy’ in Traditional, Simplified Chinese and Hangeul, I wholly believed that this bond we have as a team had rid us all of any form of animosity amongst everyone!
We have bridged unconditional trust and understanding and member love, you know!
But, apparently, not…
Especially with this particular noona whom I still believe that she has a freakin’ grudge on me or something - and I think it’s because I usually have a lot to say whenever it comes to her sense of fashion lately.
Christ, I feel so cheated like Hell. All the faith I had in her…What’s happening to this world?
Now sing it with me!
Oh my Shooper noona, wo xian zai ke yi sha ma? (Can I kill you now?)
Wo xi Asia de shooper idol, kuai dian ba ta huan diao! (I am Asia’s super idol, please change them quickly!)
The vain, spoilt idol brat I’m turning into - but really, it’s purely out of image concern!
Hey, I was going to have a particular solo dance routine okay - I should worry the most.
“Noona!” I cried out, shaking the Levi’s in front of her face. “My waist is bigger, you know…”
“No, no! You’re thinner now. See?” She argued coolly, patting the sides of my hips, like, hard.
“It was a great challenge for you, and you did it. You followed your diet table successfully!”
So this is how I’ve become the junk food infidel.
Sorry, sorry Mom. Sorry, sorry God
“And Henli ah…You know you shouldn’t question my expertise! These hands of mine are made to style, so trust me I know what I’m doing.”
By the way, the last time she said that, we ended up as promotional Pepsi bottles personified.
Like, you can totally hear terrified cute children screaming: Mommy! I can’t sleep…idol clowns in Pepsi bottles will eat meeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!
Aiya!
“Look, the material and design makes it look small but it’s not,” Noona was explaining next, her charismatic no-nonsense aura suddenly speaking in volumes, squashing my distasteful comment.
“So this is…What?” I slapped the Levi’s over my front, raising a brow at it. “Optical illusion pants?”
“Why…Yes it is!”
Pfft.
She sucks at psychology as much as our Gabriel Shiwon sucks in lying.
“Noona?” I frowned, starting to whine a little when she ignored me for a second. “Noona!”
“Aish…” She rolled her eyes, pushing me into the cubicle behind us. “What is it now, Henli?”
“Your convincing skills really suck, you know.”
“You dare argue with me - again?”
“Oh my shooper girl…wo bu yao wear this “Optical illusion paaaaaaants”-“
“HENRY LAU, GO CHANGE - NOW!”
*LEETEUK LAUGH*
❤ ❤ -------------------------------------- ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ -------------------------------------- ❤ ❤
The plus side of our relationship is that she’s pretty patient with me and my playfulness - or one of those Salvatore Ferragamo neckties she has would have become one really expensive noose around my skinny neck, no?
Well, when you’re extremely cute beyond words, people just forgive you for everything!
*GOJIRA LEETEUK LAUGH*
Anyway!
I managed to fit into the tiny pants after wrestling with it like some possessed madman inside the cubicle - and only mastered to stop walking like a penguin with el mental imbal after a few seconds to head towards the other room where I assumed most members were already there.
Apparently, I was wrong.
“You should really stop staring at your crotch, friend.”
Of course, the first person who read my mind was none other than the resident snark himself.
I gave Cho KyuHyun the kind of look that told him I wasn’t doing that (okay, I was. Who wouldn’t, really?), and that he really didn’t need to make a god damned announcement about it.
Fortunately, there was no one else inside that room to hear it, so...
...SAFE!
Here’s the part where I have to convince you again that KyuHyun and I, we’re actually good.
Recently he converted me into a total game head, so we do spend quality group-member bonding moments happily trashing each other in good ol’ Street Fighter or something…
…I mean since we can’t really trash each other in real life, we let his Chun Li and my Ryuu do it for us on the hi-def flat screen.
What is that?
Round one…FIGHT!
Chun Li unleashes herLightning Kick on Ryuu…
Oh no, I really am not the kind of person who thinks too much about KyuHyun and Sungmin’s relationship nowadays.
I mean, so they became parents for unfortunate kids on TV when I was stuck in educational torture chambers with the teacher from all levels of Hell Zhou Mi...
…Ryuu gets up and blasts her with a lethal oyuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugen!!!
So they still share a room in their dorm and my Sungmin still cares for him like as if he freakin’ need someone to get him his favourite chocolate pie from the nearby bakery when he can bloody well do it himself but he’s just making sure he’s still being given attention to...
…
I know, right?
Our lovely friendship is definitely one of the most interesting WTFHs of the universe!
*LEETEUK LAUGH*
No I do not think too much about this KyuMin issue anymore.
It’sHenmin now so shutupokaythanksbye.
ANYWAY!
“Hyung?” I said, walking over to him with a frown when I realized something totally off right then.
“Yes?”
“Can you stand up for a second, please? Just for one second!”
“Stand up?” Kyuhyun looked at me like I communicate with aliens at nights for fun. “For?”
“Hey!” I blurted, brandishing my finger at his get up when he did.
Yeah, he actually listened to me instead of muttering things like, ‘go stand up yourself!’ or something.
Hallelujah, really.
“How come your pants don’t look too tight on you?”
“Why are you pointing at my…” He slapped my hand off, sputtering a bit. “Yah! Stop that!”
“Hyung your bottom half of your body looks great! This is not fair…”
“You’re being really, really strange, Henli. STOP STARING AT ME LIKE THAT!”
“No! Look at mine! Look!”
“What? You’re…” He took a step back and tilted his head a bit, as if I needed that Christ.
“Ugh, I know!”
“Small.”
Chun Li’s Lightning Kick hits Ryuu and sends him flying across the room…
“Hey!” I choked, narrowing my eyes at his fleeting comment.
Well what do you know?
Super Junior M’s Cho KyuHyun = God damn crotch analyst!
Ryuu springs back into the battle and slams Chun Li to the ground with oyuuuuuuuuuuuuugen!
“What? You asked for an opinion,” KyuHyun smirked, eyeballing me from the top now.
How can someone be so playful and be so creepy, Christ?
“Yes, but I meant the pants, hyung. The PANTS. Not my-“
“Well the pants only look okay on you,” he continued, totally talking over me because he just likes to do that in our arguments.
“Don’t you think so, hyung?”
I swear that resident nice guy Choi Gabriel Shiwon is just discontent in being the Bionic Man, so he’s a Korean X-man now.
That could only be the only reason why he freakin’ teleports to places nowadays - without leaving any form of trace.
“What’s wrong with Henli?”
The one with the living, breathing eyebrows asked, raising them high above his forehead as he appeared into the room like he just stepped out of a men’s fashion magazine - with pants that didn’t look like it was cutting blood circulation to his brain, either.
So…one of these things are not like the other…
AIYA!
“He says it’s too small,” KyuHyun informed, and then started snickering like a madman.
Seriously, this guy!
“Too small?” Shiwon’s best feature danced a little in curiosity. “What is?”
“His…That.”
Lightning kick!
“My pants,” I snapped irritably, swatting KyuHyun’s finger pointing at my crotch, guffawing.
Oyuuuuuuuuuugen!
“I think mine is too small for me, hyung. I feel weird and I don’t think I can dance in them.”
“Look, Henli…This is your size. You just have to accept that you’ve shrunk a little nowadays…”
Wei!
No one asked for you to continue with your discreetly snide opinions, KyuHyung ah!
OYUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGEN!!!
Hey, I found a good way to describe the next few seconds of this conversation among us.
Shiwon : (O.o )?
KyuHyun: (^__^)”~
Shiwon: ( o.O)?
Me: (+__+)!
Shiwon: (O.o )!
KyuHyun: ( =.=)”!
And then he said, “There is not a day where you look bad in anything, Henli ah. Cherish this style, because you look really fashionable. No problem!”
Ah!
Such wonderful Jesus Christ-ish words coming out of his mouth, and we can’t say we all didn’t see that kind of grace coming from God’s little Power Ranger, can we?
Shiwon only has the most pleasant things to say, really - and the best thing is that you know you can totally believe him, I can bet you Shi¬-freakin’-Yuan on this.
I LOVE YOU CHOI SHIWON!
*Leeteuk laugh*
“Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! Thank god, THANK GOD!”
Lee Donghae, he really is the type of guy who bounces at every step he takes - and probably doesn’t care if he is going to accidentally decapitate heads with his arms whenever he throws himself to another person in a great bear hug of some kind.
Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please?
SUBJECT: SUPER JUNIOR LEE DONGHAE A.K.A AIDEN LEE
WARNING: APPROACH WITH CAUTION. DO NOT FEED SUGAR.
*Leeteuk laugh*
“Henli ah!” He sang, slapping a hand on my back and damn near took my heart out. “This is great!”
“Why are you so excited?” KyuHyun laughed, honestly tickled by the adrenaline rush of the moment, as if putting a hand on the resident fireball’s shoulder would calm him down a bit.
“Because he’s wearing Zhou Mi’s pants too!” Donghae grinned at what I had on, happy as Hell.
“Hello? I am not small, please!”
Since when the Hell was Zhou Mi ever inside the room, I didn’t the Hell know either.
Perhaps he’s just following his father’s teleporting footsteps nowadays - as the Chinese X-man.
Well, whatever is it…Like father, like son.
You know...like Choi, like Zhou!
What is your life without my randomness, really?
*Leeteuk laugh*
Anyway!
Next to me, Donghae’s hearty slap to my chest came with a, “Henli ah, you and me, pants same, same!”
Super Junior’s Failure English catchphrases = yet another amazing WTFH of the universe!
So in the end I decided to accept these dandy ‘optical illusion’ bottoms with an open mind, since Donghae was going to ninja it together with me, and you know how the math works already, no?
Guy in skin tight pants + Guy in skin tight pants = Not so gay bad after all.
Henry Lau the el mental imbal penguin and fellow brotha…HWAITING!!!
“Oh! Besides, you can always look at it this way, Henli ah…”
KyuHyun folded his arms, glancing at Zhou Mi with this kind of look on his face - causing the other to break into a smile of his own, but it didn’t really look like it had any good meaning at all.
More like, a cross between highly amused and oh, I don’t know…pure infectious bullying evil?
The Mimi smiled, tilting his head at me and continued, “True, like, he should be able to accept this on a more positive note…Yes?”
Hey, you want to know what’s bad nowadays, in my opinion?
“Of course!” KyuHyun nodded hard. “It is a general understanding, not like it’s made up…”
What’s bad nowadays is Super Junior M’s new ‘teasing team’ KyuMimi.
“Ah...Universal consensus, right?”
“It’s practically in the Bible, Mimi ah!”
Look at that.
So freakin’ sweet and cute and connected - they give me a god damn toothache at times.
So yeah, what’s worse than that bad thing earlier?
Team KyuMimi are now version Mando-Korean empowered, all communication systems GO!
AIYA!
Then KyuHyun grinned, “Small birds of a feather do flock together, don’t they?”
…………..
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-ha-ha-HA!
……………………..
…….
Fun-nay.
❤ ❤ -------------------------------------- ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ -------------------------------------- ❤ ❤
Okay, look.
It was fine that they claimed they have mistakenly ordered tofu soup instead of sliced fish soup.
Really, I don’t want to think about just how in the bloody blue Hells something like that could ever happen (unless if Shindong or Eunhyuk is involved somewhere), but nah, I don’t think so.
…
What the Hell, really.
TOFU and SLICED FISH were two very different things, man!
It’s like mistakenly saying banana and white chinese bittergourd, Christ?
Aiya!
How can you-
AIYA!
Whatever okay...just whatever!
Fortunately, the Aslan finally took charge of this matter from the backstage managers and ordered some decent noodles from a nearby restaurant when we started reacting like druggies who hadn’t had their fixes for a while to the first delivery.
And then the filming crew members only let us eat after we finished the Korean version of some scenes to the video - when they said we could eat first and film that later in the first place…
Fine, really. Cool, okay. Sure people, priorities and food menu change all the time!
But when they totally lied about the ‘hot blonde chick’, that was the final straw.
“Who were you expecting anyway?” Donghae laughed, not-so-humoured. “Megan Fox?”
My happy bubble burst into dust like triquantumbagajillion years ago, so I burst his.
“But Megan Fox is not blonde, hyung.”
The supposedly hot blonde chick strutted past our room, totally oblivious of us inside it.
“It’d still better than that anyway, right?”
You get a very unhappy Lee Donghae sticking a tongue out at you after some crummy-ass comment like this, and you just want to start a campaign to save all the little Dong Hais of the sea!
“One more scene,” I slung an arm around his shoulders, nodding confidently. “And it’s over!
Done!”
And his English debuted as:”Why them so ebil?’
Ebil, Jesus.
SUBJECT: SUPER JUNIOR LEE DONGHAE A,K.A AIDEN LEE
WARNING: MAY WIPE OUT YOUR MEMORY WITH CUTE, RANDOM ENGLISH USAGE.
“Aish!” He stomped. “Henli aaaaaaaaaah! I want to throw up from my nooooooooooooooooose!”
“Is that possible?”
And the hot blonde chick walked past our room again, giggling into the cell phone that was pressed into her ear since…well…yonks ago - and disappeared out of sight and sound again.
“It’s going to happen, Henli ah! Get the plastic baaaaaaaaaaaaaaag…”
Seriously, Christ - but I totally get what he meant. We all did, actually.
I figured if the casting director was going to lie yet again to us - maybe just to keep our spirits up throughout the superbly tiresome filming of the video or whatever - the least he could do was tell a believable one.
I mean, what ‘hot blonde chick’?!
That’s just Jessica from friggin’ Girls’ Generation -and that’s more like SM Entertainment on a crazy budget strike…again.
Man, stop warring with my DBSK brothers - maybe then we could have gotten a real model!
Felt so cheated, again…
Anyway, the filming ended an hour earlier than expected, so I was pretty happy that I could get home in time to be fussy about what I was going to wear for my date with Sungmin later.
But of course, things just never go the way I expected them to be.
“Henry hyung, can you guess what this is?”
Lee Taemin, he was excitedly making waves with his hands in front of my face before I even managed to put my finger on the biometric scan pad of my dorm.
“Ah!” I said, finally hearing the small beep of the door before it unlocked. “…Fish?”
“Then…” He balled his fist, and continuously made it ‘swim’ around between us. “…This one?”
“Er…You trying to wiggle punch me?”
“No!” He laughed, shaking the balled fist at me in glee. “This is a fish…ball.”
….
Whose child is this?
“Taeminnie ah…” I chuckled, rolling my eyes. “Let me guess. Yeh Sung hyung told you, right?”
“No, it’s actually Onew hyung who told me this. He said it’s an original. Cool, huh?”
So here’s another case of like father like son.
Like Yeh Sung, like Onew. Tweedledork and Tweedledorker.
I invited him in of course, because Taeminnie is jush choo adowable to deny - until he went off about how Key wasn’t letting him play games at his dorm because he was supposed to be studying.
“What?” I sputtered, stopping dead in my tracks to turn around and raise my brows at him.
“You’re supposed to be at the library?!”
“Yes!” Taemin’s big, big koala bear eyes ate the god damn universe. “Shh, okay? Shh…Please!”
“Key’s going to be really mad. At me! And-“
“Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaaaaaaaaaaaaase-“
“-He always thinks that I let you do things and get away with them, Taeminnie ah!”
“But you do! And he’s already mad, actually…As in, medically insane. He wants me to get all A’s!”
“…”
“ALL! I’m not a human computer! How to get all A’s for all subjects-”
“-See you next time?”
“-Hyuuuuuuuuuuuuung!”
“Okay,” I sighed, giving in to his sudden el mental imbal breakdown. “So you get all A’s or…what?”
“Or he’s going to cook only cabbage soup for three months. Everyone gets it too, hyung
ah!”
Jesus. What is up with people and food threats nowadays!?
And since when the heck is Key so god damn ebil like this?
“So I need to de-stress! Okay, okay! I promise to go and study the next chapter after this. Promise!”
“Taemin-“
“PROMISE!”
“You-“
“PROMISEPROMISEPROMISE!”
Aiya!
So I ended up giving him 30 minutes to knock himself out silly on the Wii while I busied myself with my new blazer I nicked from my stylist’s rack - oh, and my new smashing haircut…
My advanced 20th birthday private party with my shooper Sungmin…JOOSAEYO!
Woohoo! Cakes and awesome pumpkin soup and lotsa lovin’…
Suddenly, the intercom next to the entrance to the kitchen went, ““DUDE!”
And then…Ding dong! Ding dong! DING DONG!
Then came the second manic screeching of, “Dude, open up will ya!”
She’s such a freakin’ gangster, this Amber.
“What?” I snapped, swinging the god damn open before she breaks it with her skull or something.
“If you laugh, I’ll taekwondo you through walls. Check my outfit out - tell me what you see.”
I looked at what she was wearing - before wondering why the heck they looked so familiar next.
But my memory was jogging at the almighty speed of the mountain turtle, so I blinked, “Cool?”
“Cool,” Amber snorted, cocking her head at me. “You call this cool? What’s wrong with you?”
Yeah, we got familiar with each other quickly over the past few weeks - but I guess it’s just an FOB/chink thing, you know? We’re almost the same age, we hang out and…err… we will talk like freakin’ gangsters when we click with each other, I guess.
So I’d like to say that Amber Liu is actually not a very high-strung person, oh no - but maybe you can say she’s something like that.
“Leeteuk laugh!*
You can blame Korea’s number one (insert any noun here) Kim Kangin for this part of her character development, really- he recently just discovered that his purpose of living is to annoy ‘Ya ya papaya’ Amber to Hell and back, and he was going to do one hellova good job at it.
Man, Kangin can be so bipolar with showing his affections at times.
Anyway!
“What’s wrong with you?” I deadpanned, not feeling her strings right then.
“Henry,” she huffed, looking at me like I was some god damn moth she wanted to slap to death.
I was still that annoying gay moth until she blurted, “These are YOUR clothes!”
“Huh?”
“The ones you wore for Super Junior’s Don don promo period…This? It’s your outfit!”
“Really?” I took a closer look. “Are you sure? I don’t remember wearing this type of vest…”
“Yeah they are…they only re-designed and altered them a little bit to make it into ladies cut?”
“You’re kidding me! It can’t be. Why are they re-using my clothes for you?”
“I’m supposed to debut as the pretty tomboy of the group?”
“You are the tomboy of SM, F-Y-I. And…er…pretty?”
“But…Why your clothes? Can we noobs fire stylists?”
“This is version ladies cut. Hey, it’s not so bad! They fit you and your personality!”
“How tactless and clueless can you be, Henry?”
“Well…Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry-“
“Not funny, mofo! What is this? Bubble wrap vest? So I can never drown in the sea with this?”
God damn gangster, Christ.
“You have my Don don hairstyle too!” I laughed, teasing her happily. “What are the odds, huh?”
“Yo, I’m going to shoot my first video clip for my debut tomorrow- and they made me look like you…of all people in this planet! And it doesn’t help that we already look a like…”
Wei. That kind of tone was totally unnecessary, really,
“Ah, the la la irokke chaaaaaaaa…Cha cha ro aaaaaaaaaaaaaah…song!”
Yeah I’ve heard of a new girl group in the making from the SM community - but I was too busy getting my brains eaten inside out with triquantumbagajillion languages and intonation lessons and renewing VISAs, remember?
Didn't know she's going to be in it until a week before the official scheduled debut date.
“La-cha-ta, dude. The song is called Lachata. And the group is called……………………?”
“Mathematical function X?”
The comedian bastard I can transform into, I know.
“You can just say F-x just to not irritate me you know - I don’t need another Kangin!”
“Sorry. Math makes me mad.”
“Debuting into the K-pop scene looking like you is mad!”
“Hah! Hey, if it makes you feel any better, I looked good during the Don don days? So now you have the Henry Lau f-x…Get it? Fx…effects? Never fail, this image.”
Oh mah shooper girl, wo xi ni de shooper lamer…
“Any other useless senior to junior tips you’d like to share?” She narrowed her eyes at me, not humoured at all.
“Yeah, you gotta throw your head about a bit - because your hair’s got the volume for it!”
“You look dashing,” Amber suddenly snapped (she couldn’t kill me hoho!), stuffing her hands into the bubble wrap vest pockets.
I guess this is subject change JOOSAEYO !
*Leeteuk laugh*
“You goin’ to the club or something?”
“Movies,” I smiled, throwing a look over my shoulder to make sure Taemin was still alive.
Unlike our game power head KyuHyun, the adowable boy plays video games as silent as a dead man.
And there he was, silently Wii golfing - shading his eyes like a professional once in a while.
Does anybody know whose son is this?
“Movies?” Amber probed, her eyes sparking a glint in the dim of the light above us.“With who?”
“Sungmin,” I grinned, turning back to her like some giddy madman all of a sudden.
“Again?” She snorted. “At the rate you are going out with him, I think you guys should just date each other, man.”
Naaaaaaah, figured that she doesn’t need to know about the amazing HenMin couple.
I mean, she doesn’t need to know anything about me like that, like, duh.
What she needs to know is that I love black bean noodles and food and Honey Stars - and I don’t mind getting them for free out of the goodwill of a kind soul’s heart!
*Leeteuk laugh*
I finally got Taemin out of the living room despite his protests that he just had how many more rounds to go until he gets some gold club membership in some digital club house or something- and was heading towards the lift lobby with Amber teaching him how to dance the Lachata while walking when we ran into team KyuMimi exiting out of the elevator.
“Ah!” KyuHyun went, smiling/snarling…well, I couldn’t really tell much.
“It’s Taemin and the twins!”
Amber and I = Twins.
WTF.
If I wasn’t such a Taemin fan boy, I would have thwacked him for bursting into giggles at that.
Aiya!
“See?” KyuHyun sang, walking past us with his twin tower Zhou Mi after giving us a short eyeball.
“First it’s Jessica and now this…!”
SUBJECT: SUPER JUNIOR CHO KYUHYUN.
WARNING: JUST YOUR FRIENDLY PSYCHOLOGICAL TERRORIST.
“…I told you Soo Man-shi is doing that budget cutting thing again, didn’t I?”
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Read the rest here
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read this Counter
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY HENRY LAU :)
Featuring : Super Junior M, Jessica SNSD and Amber F(x). :D
This is random, but I think I lost more of my celebrated, reckless youth in the past few weeks.
Why?
“You are going to look faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaantastic in the clothes I got for you!”
The last day I touched a decent burger was the first official day of my giving into a diet scheme.
I know, I know! I should start ranting about something else besides this issue again.
Like, two weeks ago, I was complaining about liking god damned carrot sticks - and I’ve concluded that it was due to possession of some sort.
And I would really like to have amnesia attacks to forget what happened during that period.
Unfamiliar, centred voice in the head sang: You ate healthy food, Henry.
Me: *AMNESIA ATTACK JOOSAEYO!*
When I first came to Korea, I only knew how to use the word ‘joosaeyo’ which basically means ‘give me please’ or maybe it’s just ‘please’ or whatever - so I basically just joosaeyo-ed everything.
Like, you know, kimchi joosaeyo! Honey Stars joosaeyo!
…Lee Sungmin joosaeyo!
*Leeteuk laugh*
However!
The next minute after I whacked Zhou Mi’s Miss Field’s cookies (I IS DA GOJIRA COOKIE MONGSTAH!!!) to dust, I totally backstabbed myself.
So what’s the story, morning glory?
For the first time in the history of Super Junior M’s over-enthusiastic food intake control (that’s what he said, my darling manager. In my term it’s simply called ‘almost-obsessive’) - or at least, the constant attempts to do so - the resident Aslan had nothing to do with it.
Isn’t it ironic?
*Leeteuk laugh!*
“Pay attention, okay. This is the first set of clothes for the morning shoot.”
And woot, woot! Nice shades!
Anyway, you can blame my stylist this time around - and whoever that works in that department!
Super Junior M was finally announcing a comeback with a smashing new sound, image, style and even better, shinier Mandarin that will bloody well knock the pretty socks off your feet - but that also means surfboard flat figures if not tout abs.
Imagine this: you come into meeting one day, happy to see your group members because it seems like it has been AGES since you had one with every member in it - and after laying down the concept of our comeback, sampling a little bit of our new single...your managers tell you:
“You need to lose at least 6 kilos within 2 weeks. The styling department requires you to that.”
The unhappiest soul of the lot would be the first to think about human string beans, and panicked with madman thoughts like: “We are Super String Beans M, EM-EH-OH!”
Hey.
How would you feel if people take the delicious glory of carbo, fat and oil from your hands - when you’ve lived with it since they day you were born, huh?
Huh? Huh? Huhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh?
Not so health-conscious smart-ass now, are ya?! Ha=HA!
So there goes my reckless youth, cherished junk flushed down the drain by my beefy Celery men.
Get it, get it? Salary = Celery?
Kim Yeh Sung’s cold jokes JOOSAEYO!
*Leeteuk laugh!*
That day, I woke up with the music in my head going something like: Woah…oh…Woah…oh…
“This one is the evening one. Awesome, isn’t it?”
What SuJuMan (yeah, Leeteuk has all the right short forms for everything in life) was going to have as our first schedule of the day was the shooting of our new music video ‘Super Girl’.
Techno, Jesus, is so 1983 - but yeah, in Asia, we’re bringin’ that sexy white-pants year back, yo!
And as usual, instead of singing along to the music blasting around us from the speakers of the warehouse we were given to shoot our video in, I was busy thinking about food.
And the lyrics in my head went: Kan wo, kan kan wo…wo zhen de er, wo yao chi…(Look at me, look at me, I’m so hungry, I wanna eat…)
According to my mom, I’m skinnier now. She’s not having cardiac arrests over it though, which is a good thing (unlike Zhou Mi’s parents who almost checked him into rehab once, kid you not!).
I don’t think I’m that thin. I still eat like a shameless hog in post-parties and get chased around by the managers for stealing food from their rooms - with Donghae, of course, because we’re Pigs R Us and we’re unstoppable like that.
So naturally, what we were planning for lunch later was good ol’ Burger King - and what all of us could already taste at the back of our throat was the classic Whoppers the second Donghae suggested it.
GOJIRA HAMBAGA JOOSAEYO!
Christ I’m this damn retarded. You know me too well already.
Next to me, stylist-noona said, “This is the third set, which is the ‘just in case wardrobe’.”
Damn…and with the extra large, iced Coke...upsized curly fries…
Oh oh oh oh my love, my love, my love… oh, oh, oh, oh, oh so gorgeous!
“Just in case?”
Celebrated Energizer Loaded FriendS (ELFS!), let’s sing my version of our song with me now!
Oh my ShooJooMan…gonna eat Shooper Whopper!
Wo zhen de yao chi Burger King, kuai jiao song shi wu de ren! (I really want to eat Burger
King, please call the delivery guy!)
*Leeteuk laugh*
It was all so good…
“Well, just in case I change my mind about the second one!”
…Until she shoved three pairs of size freakin’ 6 pants into my hands.
“Err…” I tried not to blink at what I was holding.
“Zhou Mi’s?”
Then out came the whole line of these…these…ridiculous super small sized children’s wear…
Jesus?!
“No, silly!” She snorted, laughing in that highly amused and ridiculed kind of sense.
As if she couldn’t damn well read the radiating worry in the tone of my voice right then.
“It’s yours! Why would I give Zhou Mi’s clothes to you?”
So Super Junior String Beans M is really happening.
Aiya!
After that, the lyrics became: Oh my Shooper noona, ni zai zhuo meng le ba?! (are you dreaming?!)
zhe tiao niu zai ku tai jing, wo bu ken neng chuan de liao! (These jeans are too tight, I can’t fit into them!)
Like, come on! This happens like all the time, yo.
We have like, 4 stylists with us whenever this group travels - so after a year of being a smashing teen idol and having mastered how to write ‘I am a pretty boy’ in Traditional, Simplified Chinese and Hangeul, I wholly believed that this bond we have as a team had rid us all of any form of animosity amongst everyone!
We have bridged unconditional trust and understanding and member love, you know!
But, apparently, not…
Especially with this particular noona whom I still believe that she has a freakin’ grudge on me or something - and I think it’s because I usually have a lot to say whenever it comes to her sense of fashion lately.
Christ, I feel so cheated like Hell. All the faith I had in her…What’s happening to this world?
Now sing it with me!
Oh my Shooper noona, wo xian zai ke yi sha ma? (Can I kill you now?)
Wo xi Asia de shooper idol, kuai dian ba ta huan diao! (I am Asia’s super idol, please change them quickly!)
The vain, spoilt idol brat I’m turning into - but really, it’s purely out of image concern!
Hey, I was going to have a particular solo dance routine okay - I should worry the most.
“Noona!” I cried out, shaking the Levi’s in front of her face. “My waist is bigger, you know…”
“No, no! You’re thinner now. See?” She argued coolly, patting the sides of my hips, like, hard.
“It was a great challenge for you, and you did it. You followed your diet table successfully!”
So this is how I’ve become the junk food infidel.
Sorry, sorry Mom. Sorry, sorry God
“And Henli ah…You know you shouldn’t question my expertise! These hands of mine are made to style, so trust me I know what I’m doing.”
By the way, the last time she said that, we ended up as promotional Pepsi bottles personified.
Like, you can totally hear terrified cute children screaming: Mommy! I can’t sleep…idol clowns in Pepsi bottles will eat meeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!
Aiya!
“Look, the material and design makes it look small but it’s not,” Noona was explaining next, her charismatic no-nonsense aura suddenly speaking in volumes, squashing my distasteful comment.
“So this is…What?” I slapped the Levi’s over my front, raising a brow at it. “Optical illusion pants?”
“Why…Yes it is!”
Pfft.
She sucks at psychology as much as our Gabriel Shiwon sucks in lying.
“Noona?” I frowned, starting to whine a little when she ignored me for a second. “Noona!”
“Aish…” She rolled her eyes, pushing me into the cubicle behind us. “What is it now, Henli?”
“Your convincing skills really suck, you know.”
“You dare argue with me - again?”
“Oh my shooper girl…wo bu yao wear this “Optical illusion paaaaaaants”-“
“HENRY LAU, GO CHANGE - NOW!”
*LEETEUK LAUGH*
❤ ❤ -------------------------------------- ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ -------------------------------------- ❤ ❤
The plus side of our relationship is that she’s pretty patient with me and my playfulness - or one of those Salvatore Ferragamo neckties she has would have become one really expensive noose around my skinny neck, no?
Well, when you’re extremely cute beyond words, people just forgive you for everything!
*GOJIRA LEETEUK LAUGH*
Anyway!
I managed to fit into the tiny pants after wrestling with it like some possessed madman inside the cubicle - and only mastered to stop walking like a penguin with el mental imbal after a few seconds to head towards the other room where I assumed most members were already there.
Apparently, I was wrong.
“You should really stop staring at your crotch, friend.”
Of course, the first person who read my mind was none other than the resident snark himself.
I gave Cho KyuHyun the kind of look that told him I wasn’t doing that (okay, I was. Who wouldn’t, really?), and that he really didn’t need to make a god damned announcement about it.
Fortunately, there was no one else inside that room to hear it, so...
...SAFE!
Here’s the part where I have to convince you again that KyuHyun and I, we’re actually good.
Recently he converted me into a total game head, so we do spend quality group-member bonding moments happily trashing each other in good ol’ Street Fighter or something…
…I mean since we can’t really trash each other in real life, we let his Chun Li and my Ryuu do it for us on the hi-def flat screen.
What is that?
Round one…FIGHT!
Chun Li unleashes herLightning Kick on Ryuu…
Oh no, I really am not the kind of person who thinks too much about KyuHyun and Sungmin’s relationship nowadays.
I mean, so they became parents for unfortunate kids on TV when I was stuck in educational torture chambers with the teacher from all levels of Hell Zhou Mi...
…Ryuu gets up and blasts her with a lethal oyuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugen!!!
So they still share a room in their dorm and my Sungmin still cares for him like as if he freakin’ need someone to get him his favourite chocolate pie from the nearby bakery when he can bloody well do it himself but he’s just making sure he’s still being given attention to...
…
I know, right?
Our lovely friendship is definitely one of the most interesting WTFHs of the universe!
*LEETEUK LAUGH*
No I do not think too much about this KyuMin issue anymore.
It’sHenmin now so shutupokaythanksbye.
ANYWAY!
“Hyung?” I said, walking over to him with a frown when I realized something totally off right then.
“Yes?”
“Can you stand up for a second, please? Just for one second!”
“Stand up?” Kyuhyun looked at me like I communicate with aliens at nights for fun. “For?”
“Hey!” I blurted, brandishing my finger at his get up when he did.
Yeah, he actually listened to me instead of muttering things like, ‘go stand up yourself!’ or something.
Hallelujah, really.
“How come your pants don’t look too tight on you?”
“Why are you pointing at my…” He slapped my hand off, sputtering a bit. “Yah! Stop that!”
“Hyung your bottom half of your body looks great! This is not fair…”
“You’re being really, really strange, Henli. STOP STARING AT ME LIKE THAT!”
“No! Look at mine! Look!”
“What? You’re…” He took a step back and tilted his head a bit, as if I needed that Christ.
“Ugh, I know!”
“Small.”
Chun Li’s Lightning Kick hits Ryuu and sends him flying across the room…
“Hey!” I choked, narrowing my eyes at his fleeting comment.
Well what do you know?
Super Junior M’s Cho KyuHyun = God damn crotch analyst!
Ryuu springs back into the battle and slams Chun Li to the ground with oyuuuuuuuuuuuuugen!
“What? You asked for an opinion,” KyuHyun smirked, eyeballing me from the top now.
How can someone be so playful and be so creepy, Christ?
“Yes, but I meant the pants, hyung. The PANTS. Not my-“
“Well the pants only look okay on you,” he continued, totally talking over me because he just likes to do that in our arguments.
“Don’t you think so, hyung?”
I swear that resident nice guy Choi Gabriel Shiwon is just discontent in being the Bionic Man, so he’s a Korean X-man now.
That could only be the only reason why he freakin’ teleports to places nowadays - without leaving any form of trace.
“What’s wrong with Henli?”
The one with the living, breathing eyebrows asked, raising them high above his forehead as he appeared into the room like he just stepped out of a men’s fashion magazine - with pants that didn’t look like it was cutting blood circulation to his brain, either.
So…one of these things are not like the other…
AIYA!
“He says it’s too small,” KyuHyun informed, and then started snickering like a madman.
Seriously, this guy!
“Too small?” Shiwon’s best feature danced a little in curiosity. “What is?”
“His…That.”
Lightning kick!
“My pants,” I snapped irritably, swatting KyuHyun’s finger pointing at my crotch, guffawing.
Oyuuuuuuuuuugen!
“I think mine is too small for me, hyung. I feel weird and I don’t think I can dance in them.”
“Look, Henli…This is your size. You just have to accept that you’ve shrunk a little nowadays…”
Wei!
No one asked for you to continue with your discreetly snide opinions, KyuHyung ah!
OYUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGEN!!!
Hey, I found a good way to describe the next few seconds of this conversation among us.
Shiwon : (O.o )?
KyuHyun: (^__^)”~
Shiwon: ( o.O)?
Me: (+__+)!
Shiwon: (O.o )!
KyuHyun: ( =.=)”!
And then he said, “There is not a day where you look bad in anything, Henli ah. Cherish this style, because you look really fashionable. No problem!”
Ah!
Such wonderful Jesus Christ-ish words coming out of his mouth, and we can’t say we all didn’t see that kind of grace coming from God’s little Power Ranger, can we?
Shiwon only has the most pleasant things to say, really - and the best thing is that you know you can totally believe him, I can bet you Shi¬-freakin’-Yuan on this.
I LOVE YOU CHOI SHIWON!
*Leeteuk laugh*
“Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! Thank god, THANK GOD!”
Lee Donghae, he really is the type of guy who bounces at every step he takes - and probably doesn’t care if he is going to accidentally decapitate heads with his arms whenever he throws himself to another person in a great bear hug of some kind.
Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please?
SUBJECT: SUPER JUNIOR LEE DONGHAE A.K.A AIDEN LEE
WARNING: APPROACH WITH CAUTION. DO NOT FEED SUGAR.
*Leeteuk laugh*
“Henli ah!” He sang, slapping a hand on my back and damn near took my heart out. “This is great!”
“Why are you so excited?” KyuHyun laughed, honestly tickled by the adrenaline rush of the moment, as if putting a hand on the resident fireball’s shoulder would calm him down a bit.
“Because he’s wearing Zhou Mi’s pants too!” Donghae grinned at what I had on, happy as Hell.
“Hello? I am not small, please!”
Since when the Hell was Zhou Mi ever inside the room, I didn’t the Hell know either.
Perhaps he’s just following his father’s teleporting footsteps nowadays - as the Chinese X-man.
Well, whatever is it…Like father, like son.
You know...like Choi, like Zhou!
What is your life without my randomness, really?
*Leeteuk laugh*
Anyway!
Next to me, Donghae’s hearty slap to my chest came with a, “Henli ah, you and me, pants same, same!”
Super Junior’s Failure English catchphrases = yet another amazing WTFH of the universe!
So in the end I decided to accept these dandy ‘optical illusion’ bottoms with an open mind, since Donghae was going to ninja it together with me, and you know how the math works already, no?
Guy in skin tight pants + Guy in skin tight pants = Not so gay bad after all.
Henry Lau the el mental imbal penguin and fellow brotha…HWAITING!!!
“Oh! Besides, you can always look at it this way, Henli ah…”
KyuHyun folded his arms, glancing at Zhou Mi with this kind of look on his face - causing the other to break into a smile of his own, but it didn’t really look like it had any good meaning at all.
More like, a cross between highly amused and oh, I don’t know…pure infectious bullying evil?
The Mimi smiled, tilting his head at me and continued, “True, like, he should be able to accept this on a more positive note…Yes?”
Hey, you want to know what’s bad nowadays, in my opinion?
“Of course!” KyuHyun nodded hard. “It is a general understanding, not like it’s made up…”
What’s bad nowadays is Super Junior M’s new ‘teasing team’ KyuMimi.
“Ah...Universal consensus, right?”
“It’s practically in the Bible, Mimi ah!”
Look at that.
So freakin’ sweet and cute and connected - they give me a god damn toothache at times.
So yeah, what’s worse than that bad thing earlier?
Team KyuMimi are now version Mando-Korean empowered, all communication systems GO!
AIYA!
Then KyuHyun grinned, “Small birds of a feather do flock together, don’t they?”
…………..
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-ha-ha-HA!
……………………..
…….
Fun-nay.
❤ ❤ -------------------------------------- ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ -------------------------------------- ❤ ❤
Okay, look.
It was fine that they claimed they have mistakenly ordered tofu soup instead of sliced fish soup.
Really, I don’t want to think about just how in the bloody blue Hells something like that could ever happen (unless if Shindong or Eunhyuk is involved somewhere), but nah, I don’t think so.
…
What the Hell, really.
TOFU and SLICED FISH were two very different things, man!
It’s like mistakenly saying banana and white chinese bittergourd, Christ?
Aiya!
How can you-
AIYA!
Whatever okay...just whatever!
Fortunately, the Aslan finally took charge of this matter from the backstage managers and ordered some decent noodles from a nearby restaurant when we started reacting like druggies who hadn’t had their fixes for a while to the first delivery.
And then the filming crew members only let us eat after we finished the Korean version of some scenes to the video - when they said we could eat first and film that later in the first place…
Fine, really. Cool, okay. Sure people, priorities and food menu change all the time!
But when they totally lied about the ‘hot blonde chick’, that was the final straw.
“Who were you expecting anyway?” Donghae laughed, not-so-humoured. “Megan Fox?”
My happy bubble burst into dust like triquantumbagajillion years ago, so I burst his.
“But Megan Fox is not blonde, hyung.”
The supposedly hot blonde chick strutted past our room, totally oblivious of us inside it.
“It’d still better than that anyway, right?”
You get a very unhappy Lee Donghae sticking a tongue out at you after some crummy-ass comment like this, and you just want to start a campaign to save all the little Dong Hais of the sea!
“One more scene,” I slung an arm around his shoulders, nodding confidently. “And it’s over!
Done!”
And his English debuted as:”Why them so ebil?’
Ebil, Jesus.
SUBJECT: SUPER JUNIOR LEE DONGHAE A,K.A AIDEN LEE
WARNING: MAY WIPE OUT YOUR MEMORY WITH CUTE, RANDOM ENGLISH USAGE.
“Aish!” He stomped. “Henli aaaaaaaaaah! I want to throw up from my nooooooooooooooooose!”
“Is that possible?”
And the hot blonde chick walked past our room again, giggling into the cell phone that was pressed into her ear since…well…yonks ago - and disappeared out of sight and sound again.
“It’s going to happen, Henli ah! Get the plastic baaaaaaaaaaaaaaag…”
Seriously, Christ - but I totally get what he meant. We all did, actually.
I figured if the casting director was going to lie yet again to us - maybe just to keep our spirits up throughout the superbly tiresome filming of the video or whatever - the least he could do was tell a believable one.
I mean, what ‘hot blonde chick’?!
That’s just Jessica from friggin’ Girls’ Generation -and that’s more like SM Entertainment on a crazy budget strike…again.
Man, stop warring with my DBSK brothers - maybe then we could have gotten a real model!
Felt so cheated, again…
Anyway, the filming ended an hour earlier than expected, so I was pretty happy that I could get home in time to be fussy about what I was going to wear for my date with Sungmin later.
But of course, things just never go the way I expected them to be.
“Henry hyung, can you guess what this is?”
Lee Taemin, he was excitedly making waves with his hands in front of my face before I even managed to put my finger on the biometric scan pad of my dorm.
“Ah!” I said, finally hearing the small beep of the door before it unlocked. “…Fish?”
“Then…” He balled his fist, and continuously made it ‘swim’ around between us. “…This one?”
“Er…You trying to wiggle punch me?”
“No!” He laughed, shaking the balled fist at me in glee. “This is a fish…ball.”
….
Whose child is this?
“Taeminnie ah…” I chuckled, rolling my eyes. “Let me guess. Yeh Sung hyung told you, right?”
“No, it’s actually Onew hyung who told me this. He said it’s an original. Cool, huh?”
So here’s another case of like father like son.
Like Yeh Sung, like Onew. Tweedledork and Tweedledorker.
I invited him in of course, because Taeminnie is jush choo adowable to deny - until he went off about how Key wasn’t letting him play games at his dorm because he was supposed to be studying.
“What?” I sputtered, stopping dead in my tracks to turn around and raise my brows at him.
“You’re supposed to be at the library?!”
“Yes!” Taemin’s big, big koala bear eyes ate the god damn universe. “Shh, okay? Shh…Please!”
“Key’s going to be really mad. At me! And-“
“Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaaaaaaaaaaaaase-“
“-He always thinks that I let you do things and get away with them, Taeminnie ah!”
“But you do! And he’s already mad, actually…As in, medically insane. He wants me to get all A’s!”
“…”
“ALL! I’m not a human computer! How to get all A’s for all subjects-”
“-See you next time?”
“-Hyuuuuuuuuuuuuung!”
“Okay,” I sighed, giving in to his sudden el mental imbal breakdown. “So you get all A’s or…what?”
“Or he’s going to cook only cabbage soup for three months. Everyone gets it too, hyung
ah!”
Jesus. What is up with people and food threats nowadays!?
And since when the heck is Key so god damn ebil like this?
“So I need to de-stress! Okay, okay! I promise to go and study the next chapter after this. Promise!”
“Taemin-“
“PROMISE!”
“You-“
“PROMISEPROMISEPROMISE!”
Aiya!
So I ended up giving him 30 minutes to knock himself out silly on the Wii while I busied myself with my new blazer I nicked from my stylist’s rack - oh, and my new smashing haircut…
My advanced 20th birthday private party with my shooper Sungmin…JOOSAEYO!
Woohoo! Cakes and awesome pumpkin soup and lotsa lovin’…
Suddenly, the intercom next to the entrance to the kitchen went, ““DUDE!”
And then…Ding dong! Ding dong! DING DONG!
Then came the second manic screeching of, “Dude, open up will ya!”
She’s such a freakin’ gangster, this Amber.
“What?” I snapped, swinging the god damn open before she breaks it with her skull or something.
“If you laugh, I’ll taekwondo you through walls. Check my outfit out - tell me what you see.”
I looked at what she was wearing - before wondering why the heck they looked so familiar next.
But my memory was jogging at the almighty speed of the mountain turtle, so I blinked, “Cool?”
“Cool,” Amber snorted, cocking her head at me. “You call this cool? What’s wrong with you?”
Yeah, we got familiar with each other quickly over the past few weeks - but I guess it’s just an FOB/chink thing, you know? We’re almost the same age, we hang out and…err… we will talk like freakin’ gangsters when we click with each other, I guess.
So I’d like to say that Amber Liu is actually not a very high-strung person, oh no - but maybe you can say she’s something like that.
“Leeteuk laugh!*
You can blame Korea’s number one (insert any noun here) Kim Kangin for this part of her character development, really- he recently just discovered that his purpose of living is to annoy ‘Ya ya papaya’ Amber to Hell and back, and he was going to do one hellova good job at it.
Man, Kangin can be so bipolar with showing his affections at times.
Anyway!
“What’s wrong with you?” I deadpanned, not feeling her strings right then.
“Henry,” she huffed, looking at me like I was some god damn moth she wanted to slap to death.
I was still that annoying gay moth until she blurted, “These are YOUR clothes!”
“Huh?”
“The ones you wore for Super Junior’s Don don promo period…This? It’s your outfit!”
“Really?” I took a closer look. “Are you sure? I don’t remember wearing this type of vest…”
“Yeah they are…they only re-designed and altered them a little bit to make it into ladies cut?”
“You’re kidding me! It can’t be. Why are they re-using my clothes for you?”
“I’m supposed to debut as the pretty tomboy of the group?”
“You are the tomboy of SM, F-Y-I. And…er…pretty?”
“But…Why your clothes? Can we noobs fire stylists?”
“This is version ladies cut. Hey, it’s not so bad! They fit you and your personality!”
“How tactless and clueless can you be, Henry?”
“Well…Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry-“
“Not funny, mofo! What is this? Bubble wrap vest? So I can never drown in the sea with this?”
God damn gangster, Christ.
“You have my Don don hairstyle too!” I laughed, teasing her happily. “What are the odds, huh?”
“Yo, I’m going to shoot my first video clip for my debut tomorrow- and they made me look like you…of all people in this planet! And it doesn’t help that we already look a like…”
Wei. That kind of tone was totally unnecessary, really,
“Ah, the la la irokke chaaaaaaaa…Cha cha ro aaaaaaaaaaaaaah…song!”
Yeah I’ve heard of a new girl group in the making from the SM community - but I was too busy getting my brains eaten inside out with triquantumbagajillion languages and intonation lessons and renewing VISAs, remember?
Didn't know she's going to be in it until a week before the official scheduled debut date.
“La-cha-ta, dude. The song is called Lachata. And the group is called……………………?”
“Mathematical function X?”
The comedian bastard I can transform into, I know.
“You can just say F-x just to not irritate me you know - I don’t need another Kangin!”
“Sorry. Math makes me mad.”
“Debuting into the K-pop scene looking like you is mad!”
“Hah! Hey, if it makes you feel any better, I looked good during the Don don days? So now you have the Henry Lau f-x…Get it? Fx…effects? Never fail, this image.”
Oh mah shooper girl, wo xi ni de shooper lamer…
“Any other useless senior to junior tips you’d like to share?” She narrowed her eyes at me, not humoured at all.
“Yeah, you gotta throw your head about a bit - because your hair’s got the volume for it!”
“You look dashing,” Amber suddenly snapped (she couldn’t kill me hoho!), stuffing her hands into the bubble wrap vest pockets.
I guess this is subject change JOOSAEYO !
*Leeteuk laugh*
“You goin’ to the club or something?”
“Movies,” I smiled, throwing a look over my shoulder to make sure Taemin was still alive.
Unlike our game power head KyuHyun, the adowable boy plays video games as silent as a dead man.
And there he was, silently Wii golfing - shading his eyes like a professional once in a while.
Does anybody know whose son is this?
“Movies?” Amber probed, her eyes sparking a glint in the dim of the light above us.“With who?”
“Sungmin,” I grinned, turning back to her like some giddy madman all of a sudden.
“Again?” She snorted. “At the rate you are going out with him, I think you guys should just date each other, man.”
Naaaaaaah, figured that she doesn’t need to know about the amazing HenMin couple.
I mean, she doesn’t need to know anything about me like that, like, duh.
What she needs to know is that I love black bean noodles and food and Honey Stars - and I don’t mind getting them for free out of the goodwill of a kind soul’s heart!
*Leeteuk laugh*
I finally got Taemin out of the living room despite his protests that he just had how many more rounds to go until he gets some gold club membership in some digital club house or something- and was heading towards the lift lobby with Amber teaching him how to dance the Lachata while walking when we ran into team KyuMimi exiting out of the elevator.
“Ah!” KyuHyun went, smiling/snarling…well, I couldn’t really tell much.
“It’s Taemin and the twins!”
Amber and I = Twins.
WTF.
If I wasn’t such a Taemin fan boy, I would have thwacked him for bursting into giggles at that.
Aiya!
“See?” KyuHyun sang, walking past us with his twin tower Zhou Mi after giving us a short eyeball.
“First it’s Jessica and now this…!”
SUBJECT: SUPER JUNIOR CHO KYUHYUN.
WARNING: JUST YOUR FRIENDLY PSYCHOLOGICAL TERRORIST.
“…I told you Soo Man-shi is doing that budget cutting thing again, didn’t I?”
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY HENRY LAU :)